A Common Life
Welcome to A Common Life where Morgan and Taylor offer month-by-month gardening advice to help your garden thrive. We also share our personal journey in seasonal living, aiming to foster a deeper connection with others, nature, and our Creator. Our hope is to encourage and equip others who are on a similar journey and to provide a space for community around these ideals.
A Common Life
Podcast Book Series: Home-Making by J.R. Miller. Ch. 1 The Wedded Life
"Imagine two trees, rooted side by side, growing together yet separately. This episode opens with such a metaphor as we reflect on the essence of marriage and its transformative role in our lives. Drawing insights from JR Miller's timeless work, 'Homemaking,' we unravel the significance of weddings as cultural celebrations and explore how they set the stage for a lifelong journey with a partner. Personal stories from our own wedding experiences illustrate the importance of having a network of supportive loved ones and how marriage enriches our individual callings.
Listeners will gain a fresh perspective on nurturing healthy relationships. We explore the delicate balance between interdependence and independence, highlighting the distinction between viewing marriage as a covenant versus a contract. There's a heartwarming discourse on the importance of patience, courtesy, and the small acts of kindness that sustain love over time. We also emphasize the sacredness of anniversaries, encouraging communal celebrations that reaffirm commitment and connection.
Finally, listeners will discover practical wisdom for building lasting partnerships. We delve into the complexities of shared spaces and emotional growth, underscoring the importance of communication and forgiveness in preventing misunderstandings. Through a personal poem, we celebrate the beauty of differences, revealing how contrasting yet complementary roles create a unique and enduring bond. As we gear up for future discussions on roles within marriage, our hope is to inspire a journey of happiness, growth, and mutual understanding."
Thanks Jenkins.
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Music on the podcast was composed by Kevin Dailey. The artist is Garden Friend. The track is the instrumental version of “On a Cloud”
Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of A Common Life Podcast. I'm here with my beautiful bride Morgan, hello everyone. And in this episode we're going to be starting our new series, podcast series, where we go chapter by chapter through a book. And the first book we're going to be doing is Homemaking by JR Miller.
Speaker 1:If you missed the introduction, you can go back. It's the one just previous to this, where we talk about the book while we're doing it, what we think about it, and we tell you yeah, it's written in 1882. And we're going to be starting with the first chapter in this episode. And the first chapter is called the Wedded Life. So if you didn't listen to the intro, you might want to go check that out, because it is homemaking.
Speaker 1:But this author breaks it down into different chapters and those are the wedded life, the husband's part, the wife's part, the parent's part, the children's part, brothers and sisters, the home life, religion in the home and home memories. So it's a little different. Take on homemaking and we're going to start with chapter one, which is the wedded life. Take on homemaking and we're going to start with chapter one, which is the wedded life. So he starts the chapter with a really beautiful picture and I did read it in the intro that we did the last episode we did. But it's a beautiful picture of describing homes as springs and he says Homes are the springs among the hills whose many streamlets uniting form, like great rivers, society, the community, the nation, the church. If the springs run low, the rivers waste. If they pour out bounteous currents, the rivers are full. The springs are pure. The rivers are clear like crystal. If they are foul, the rivers are defiled.
Speaker 4:A curse upon homes sends a poisonous blight everywhere a blessing sends healing and new life into every channel, and I just think that is a very poignant picture of the importance our homes play in community and in our country and in our world, and because it's an everyday in and out and feeding and going and coming and discipline, and it's where you sleep, it's where it can feel unimportant, but I need to like hang that up to remind myself this is where life flows from this is the, yeah, exactly, this is where life flows from.
Speaker 1:and he goes on to say that back of the home lies marriage, and the wedding day throws its shadow far down the future. It may be ought to be a shadow of healing and benediction, and we went back and forth like what is benediction? He uses this word a lot.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he does.
Speaker 1:But I think in this he's talking about the blessing Of healing and blessing, and he really starts this chapter and lays the foundation for marriage to be a blessing, something to be celebrated. It is, uh, the wedded life, he says, should be one of joy and prosperity, and I think for I mean even in our culture today, like marriage is definitely something that we celebrate. We get excited when people get engaged. Yeah. And wedding days are like parties, like at our age, like we're in our 30s.
Speaker 4:We love a good wedding. We love a good wedding.
Speaker 1:It's a party, it's a good time. I mean, that's like culturally, that's like the last time, that's like the only thing we do now as a culture, where community gets together, family gets together, friends get together, there's music, there's dancing, there's you know, the wine is flowing, there's good food, people show up, you don't pay anything. Somebody throws a party. Yeah that's true, and that's a good thing. Marriage and weddings should be celebrated, and that's what he says. There's flowers, music, wedding bells.
Speaker 4:He does say something which I thought was interesting about the people that come to the wedding.
Speaker 1:Do you?
Speaker 4:remember that part about letting it be your closest people and I don't think that's necessarily done anymore, but I mean some people do. I remember telling my mom I don't want to meet anyone Like you can have your friends, I want your friends there, but I don't want to be meeting someone at my wedding, you know. Yeah. But I mean, it is sacred and special and you want the people around you that are going to hold you to your vows. Yeah. When times are tough.
Speaker 1:Our wedding was a party. It was a party.
Speaker 4:We had a good time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are things I look back and I wish, in particular, I was by your side the whole night and I didn't leave it. It's a blur A lot of it is a blur, it is a blur yeah.
Speaker 4:I think most people would say that though.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, good food. It was fun Our wedding night was definitely a party.
Speaker 1:I think everybody had a great time. Yeah, okay, yeah. He says it's not good for man to be alone. That's what God actually said. And he starts to lay the foundation. He moves into laying the foundation of marriage as being a divine institution, not something that man has come up with and concocted, but something that God ordained. And you highlight, and I think it's a great part. He says the divine intention, therefore, is that marriage shall yield happiness and that it shall add to the fullness of life of both husband and wife. Neither shall lose, but that both shall gain. If any use, if in any use it fails to be a blessing and to yield joy in a richer, fuller life, the fault cannot be with the institution itself, but with those who, under its shadow, fail to fulfill its conditions. He goes on to say that if you fail to do so, it's because you haven't learned the secret of living happily together.
Speaker 1:So he kind of reels you in. It's like okay what's the? Secret.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I like the picture of a fuller life and I remember when we were engaged and thinking about our calling in life and our purpose and they align, like our purposes, what we feel like God has called us to do on the earth. Even back then aligned.
Speaker 4:And that was a really big deal to me because I wanted to be. You know, if you're going to choose, if you're Christians and you're going to choose to be married and spend the rest of your life with this person, you want to align in what your purpose is and what you feel like god has called you to do in the earth. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:yeah, we had a calling on our life that we both were like, yeah, and we still hold on to it, kind of like the banner father and mother to many and feed people physically and spiritually. So he goes on and he says a statement that I think made me, made me think. He said as a relationship, it is the closest and most sacred on earth. He says it's sacred, do you think it's the closest?
Speaker 1:I think it's supposed to be, yeah, I mean right, Like if you're operating under the umbrella of marriage and you're in a marriage with someone. It should be the closest it's vulnerable and intimate yeah, it's true it's a big deal marriage. He goes on to say the two are to live for each other. Life is to be lost for life. Every other interest is then forward, secondary to the home interest. I wrote down that that is a high calling.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I really like that because there are so many distractions and interests and things pulling you, especially in today's culture. I love reading old books because you're like they talk about how there are these other interests or distractions and it's like they didn't even know what an iPhone was.
Speaker 4:I know you know, yeah, and I mean you can do any kind of hobby. Everything under the sun is like the world is your oyster, Go anywhere, do anything you know. Right, oyster, go anywhere, do anything you know. And so self-self? We talked about this in the last episode. But fulfill yourself is like the culture right now, and maybe it's been like that because that's just the flesh for a long time. But to truly live a happy marriage and home life we talked about this too but you have to die to yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And if the other person is also dying to their self, it works, that's when it works. That's when it works.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So he goes from saying the two are to live for each other and life is to be lost for life. And so a lot of the things in this book. For it to work, the other person has to be on board too and doing their part. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, maybe that's why he says everybody has a part, everybody has to be playing their part for it to work. But so when I die to myself and you die to yourself, that's when we can serve one another and achieve a common goal, right? Well, he goes on to say that each is incomplete before. Marriage is the uniting of two halves in one complete whole, and I wrote down.
Speaker 1:I think I disagree. Tell you are completed by another human is not what I believe, and I think that in marriage, maybe in the Christian world, the idea of becoming one, right. One flesh. Like it's biblical, we do become one, and he uses the word. A little bit later on, he uses the words soul blending. Right. And I like that. I haven't heard it described like that. But we say in marriage we become one. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And I think this does go back to some counsel we have both received freedom, sobriety and clarity by doing my own story work, my own personal work, to be the best individual person that I can be right To be the. I don't know if I'm exactly putting this right, but what I'm trying to say is it's important that we are each our fullest own person, our fullest self, bringing that into the marriage. And even in the marriage we have to show up fully as ourselves, and that's when we can be strong yeah, right yeah, like we're not performing for one another.
Speaker 1:We're not, you know, faking it, quite the opposite, actually yeah we're fully ourselves, and that's when we can meet the need of the other person and we when we can even know our own needs so that we can share it with our partner. We have to do our own work as individuals and so the idea that we're incomplete before marriage, I don't know, I don't think that's like you if you're not married, that doesn't mean you're incomplete?
Speaker 1:I don't think so. Yeah, I mean, yes, it's not good for man to be alone. So I think there can be an argument, you know, for what he's saying. But because God did say that right when he created Adam and then he created Eve, so he lays the groundwork for that in this, and I think I understand where you're coming from there. But also, we're made complete in Christ christ, and you know what I mean.
Speaker 4:like you don't have to have a spouse, a partner, for you to be complete, a complete person yeah, yeah, and I think that the idea of like you complete me you from these romantic movies and things is like that puts so much pressure on the other person and also what a big letdown, like we're going to let each other down. We're humans, you know, we're humans, you know. And there is something I said I made a footnote and just said when we give ourselves fully to another person, I think something spiritual happens that we can't see. Like I do think there's something spiritual to this oneness that happens that we cannot see with our eyes, that we probably won't fully know you know, on this side that we probably won't fully know.
Speaker 4:You know, on this side. But I know for myself. My fulfillment cannot come from you, and I shouldn't expect that of you and you shouldn't expect that of me. But there are roles that we play as a husband and a wife of um serving one another in marriage. But, like you, me coming fully alive as morgan and you being fully alive as taylor, instead of me trying to be what you want me to be Like, I think it's attractive when you're fully. You you know, and we're very, very different people.
Speaker 4:Mm-hmm different people and I think there's a completeness in the picture that we can see, like there's a different side of God that I can see, because I know you as my husband um, that I wouldn't know of him, like just because that's not who I am, you know, but like if I were trying to be you, like. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm completely me and you're completely you Right, but there is also oneness. It's a mystery. Right. It's a mystery. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do have needs that you can meet, that I can't meet myself. Yeah. And it's like what you said, like you don't want to basically perform for me and you don't want to be the person that I want you to be, but at the same time, we do serve one another. Mm-hmm. And if I can communicate my needs to you, then you can hear that and, with a loving heart, try to meet those needs and I do the same. That's relationship. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's where it gets back to. You know, I think it's a fine line there with like codependence, where, you know, when I say codependence, I mean and I think this happens maybe sometimes in marriages I can be very codependent, so I have to speak for myself. But you know, when I say I'm codependent, I'm saying like I need you to be happy, I need you to be well, I need you to be emotionally stable so that I can be. So then if you start getting off kilter, I'm going to try to manipulate, control, manage you. It might look like serving you.
Speaker 1:it might look like me being nice and kind to you, but really I'm doing it for my own sake, because I need you to be okay so that I can be okay. And that is unhealthy, right? Right, because it's managing you. It's not a real relationship. And I'm not going to be honest and vulnerable and open with you, because I'm afraid if I am, then you might be affected by that, and if you're affected, that means you could be. Then you're going to affect me and I don't want that.
Speaker 4:So I'm going to perform Right.
Speaker 1:So that's not okay. That's not the type of relationship we want. And how does this tie back into? Like the? You know each is incomplete before. I just again think it's important that we bring our full selves into marriage and we do like full relationship as individuals to grow and the picture, instead of it being like one, it's like the picture we were told and I think is a good picture of two different trees, right, where there's one tree over here and one tree over here, and they're two different trees but as they grow the branches intertwine and the roots mingle. But it's clearly two separate, distinct trees. They're stronger together, right, they support one another, their roots and you know all that support one another and they're feeding in the same area.
Speaker 1:They're growing towards the same light, they, but they're two separate, distinct trees I like that it's a good picture.
Speaker 1:So the author goes on to say he talks about. He has some comments on divorce and, as you'd imagine from somebody in 1882, he's pretty strong words. Marriage therefore, he says, is not a contract which can be annulled at the will of one or both of the parties, is not a contract which can be annulled at the will of one or both of the parties. He says that there's one crime, said the pure and holy Jesus, which committed by either leaves the guilty one as dead, the other free. So, essentially, having this understanding, there's no backdoor, Marriage is covenant and I think that's the right mindset. You know, going into marriage it's the only mindset. It is a covenant and knowing there's not a back door, right.
Speaker 1:I think that's something our culture has gravely gotten wrong to the detriment of our homes and our kids Generationally. Now we've got serious issues and wounds because we haven't taken marriage as the covenant that it is.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think I mean you and I. It's not like marriage is perfect and there are many times if we were riding on our emotions and we thought that there was a back door that we would have left, I mean different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if we didn't have like the upbringing that we had and the family support and like the the positive peer pressure, and and then you and I, you know being that, that that was even an option, um, I mean, I don't think I've ever gotten there, um, but I know you at one point, like, sat me down. You remember that you were just like you gotta change.
Speaker 1:This is not good, it's bad. Yeah, I was just really grumpy, is that it? I'm like grumpy all the time. It's not fun to be with Something like that. So he goes on. He's basically like hey, so this is. It is but the simplest commonplace to say that the greatest care should be taken before marriage to make sure that the union will be a true one, that the two lives will sweetly blend together. So so, yeah, you know, it makes sense. Like for the wedded life, like make sure, before you enter into this covenant, that this is truly a person that you can do life with. Yeah, and that is gonna, you're gonna be able to make the other at least measurably happy yeah that's what he says, you know, yeah, um, so then he starts going on.
Speaker 1:He talks about anniversaries I really liked the section on anniversaries yeah, I mean basically it's like that should be a really big deal, your anniversary to celebrate we went to we did a couple of fun things but like even it's less about like taking a trip yeah we're just about celebrating and inviting friends and, like this is our anniversary, let's have a little party, you know, and celebrate it's a set apart day like a sacred, day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you should do that and your kids like, bring your kids into it, throw up some pictures of your wedding and your life, and I think that's a good thing. It's fun throw a party. So then he goes into some different lessons or, like secrets, some keys. The first one that he throws out Patience, patience.
Speaker 4:It's a good one, it's very needed. Well, he's basically saying it's long game. Uh-huh, that marriage is long game. What's the quote which? One. It requires some time to bring any two lives into perfect unison, so that they shall blend in every chord and tone. No matter how intimate the relations may have been before, neither knows much of the real life of the other until they meet with every separating wall and every thinnest veil removed I don't think that was the quote I was looking for give me back that book what I said give me back that book.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna be patient be patient.
Speaker 4:Well, yeah, it requires time. It's just that first sentence. It requires time for any two lives to be blended like yeah or maybe it's this one.
Speaker 1:Perfect harmony cannot be forced in a day. That's what I was looking for, that's what I meant to read, and it says there must be each must blame self and not the other when anything goes wrong. There must be the largest and gentlest forbearance. Impatience may wreck all. A sharp word may retard for months the process of soul blending. Yeah, I think all a sharp word may retard for months the process of soul blending. Yeah, I think being patient with one another I mean, I would not have put that as a secret or as a key. That would not have been my first one in marriage. But you know, maybe I'm not the most patient person, so I wouldn't have said that. I probably would have said passion, you gotta have passion, um, but he says patience. So, all right, I should probably take heed to that and I get what he's saying. If you start getting in like there are things about you that irk me and there are things about me that irk you and we've been married, what now? 12 years and we're getting there.
Speaker 4:Yeah well, we're there. Yeah well, knowing that marriage is a refining work, we're what do people say sandpaper? Yeah. Holy sandpaper or something like that. Yeah. To each other and, yeah, patience is majorly needed in that. Because it's a process, and so you might not be the person that I thought you were, or I want you to be to me, but if I just leave now, I'll never know. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like there's and if you get impatient and you get angry or you get, like he says, with that sharp word, it could mess up the whole process.
Speaker 1:Right Of healing, of what he says is soul blending. So it's like the long game. But also even in the short game, like if I am asking you to do something and it's like I was gone all day, I don't know what your day looked like. So if I come home and it wasn't done and I'm impatient I'm not just patient then I could totally wreck your spirit and heart and the process. So it is a good word, I think, especially for young couples getting into marriage, to understand it's like it's a long game. Be patient.
Speaker 1:He says the next secret of happiness in married life is passion. No, I'm just kidding, it's courtesy. And he makes a good point. He says essentially I'll just read it by what law of nature or of life is it that after the pills of the wedding bells have died away and they have established themselves in their own home, so many husbands and wives drop the charming little amenities and refinements or manner toward each other that so invariably and delightfully characterize their intercourse before marriage? You know we don't like. Once you get married, I think it can be calm. It's like okay, now we're married, you know I love you. I don't have to do all those little courteous little nice things little flirty things, little kind gestures.
Speaker 1:And just fall into. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I do think that that hurts, that hurts the daily fire kindling to keep things going and even since I've read this, I've tried to keep the little niceties, a little courteous things, a little flirting throughout the day, little moments I like it, the little moments where I just reassure you of my love. He says. Down at the bottom, he says there are no hearts that hunger so for expressions of affection, as the hearts of which we are most sure. So, like the heart, your heart, I'm the most surest of your heart but, it's your heart that hungers the most for those little affections.
Speaker 1:And the same for those little affections and the same for me. So yeah, and he's basically, he says it is not costly presents at Christmas and on birthdays and anniversaries that are wanted, these are only mockeries. If the days between are empty of affectionate expressions. Jewelry and silks, richly bound volumes will never atone for the want of warmth and tenderness.
Speaker 4:I think that's true. Definitely, nicely bound volumes of books would be our good presents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the gifts are there, but it's the daily warmth and tenderness.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I like that that. It would be a mockery if there wasn't gentleness.
Speaker 1:It says. Later on he says the end result may be a growing far apart of two lives which might have been forever happy in each other, had their early love but been cherished and nourished. I think that's true, Nourished yeah. Like when you're entering into the wed life and you're young in marriage, to keep the tenderness and the warmth in the day-to-day. Mm-hmm. Being courteous.
Speaker 4:I think lives especially. It's like you have that foundation before you have kids and then you have kids, and the more you add on, it can be easy for you to go two separate ways, and I think there are so many. There are opportunities throughout the day to just reconnect. Reconnect, you know, and otherwise I can so see that how you just become two totally separate paths, going different ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so, and that rings true as the author moves on to the next element that he says is important is the unity of interest.
Speaker 1:So you get separated and then your interests are different and then you're just living like two separate lives. Yeah, says there is danger that wedded lives drift apart because their employments are nearly always different. Like my day looks so just different than your days, he says. The husband is absorbed in business and profession in severe daily toil. The wife has her home duties, her social life, her friends and friendships, her children, and the two touch at no point. Unless care is taken, this separation of duties and engagements will lead to actual separation in heart and life. To prevent this, each should keep up a constant loving interest in whatever the other does. So it's like interest, I mean, I like how he puts it. It's like we don't have to find the common thing that we both want to do together.
Speaker 1:Like you know, Right, but I should be interested in what your days are like. I should be interested in what's going on in your friendships and in your you know, toil with the kids during the day and you know, like all of those things he says, the husband may listen every evening to the story of the home life of the day, its incidents, its pleasures, its perplexities, its trials, the children's sayings and doings. What the neighbors said, who dropped in the bits of news that have been heard and may enter with zest and sympathy into everything that is told him. And he goes on to say nothing that concerns the wife of his heart should be too small for even the gigantic intellect of the greatest of husbands. You know, it reminds me of like we couch time.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Explain that just a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so couch time is a concept from raising kids God's way. I think so.
Speaker 4:Our mentors in college told us about it.
Speaker 1:And raising kids from the tree of life. I think that's what it is, but essentially these authors painted it as vital for the husband and wife to stay connected, and part of staying connected was couch time. So basically that looked like you could have it any time, but really it would be when the husband or whenever the couples get home from work and set aside time. It's like 10 minutes, uh, of where they sit down the couch and they're visible.
Speaker 1:The kids are around they know it's couch time to put up boundaries, don't, don't bother interrupt mom, and dad and the kids see us sitting down talking, connecting about the day and I'm sure there was a couple more considerations maybe, like talking about light things, not heavy things, and just generally connecting yeah and it's good yeah, there's some crazy stories about like kids that were having a hard time sleeping at night and like waking up in the middle of the night and then their parents started doing couch time.
Speaker 4:And like they saw. I mean just even subconsciously seeing mom and dad connect and then they start sleeping.
Speaker 1:Right, like seeing that that's safety yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's what that reminds me of. You know that description? Um, he says in like manner, every wise and true-hearted wife will desire to keep, and keep up an interest in all her husband's affairs. She will want to know of every burden, every struggle, every plan, every new ambition. She will wish to learn what undertaking has succeeded and what has failed, and to keep herself thoroughly familiar and in full sympathy with all his daily personal life. And then he goes on. After the next pair, he says um, let the whole life be made common. Hmm, I was like yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Um, um, and there's another paragraph you could just read. But, um, oh, one of the things he said that really stood out to me was, um, a home history, yeah, okay, so he says so in personal by a few. Things are more charming and fascinating than the glimpses into the homes of some of the greatest men on earth, of earth, when we see them, having laid aside the cares and honors of the world, enter their own doors to romp with the children, to listen to their prattle and to talk over the loving interest of all the events and incidents of the day's home history. You know there's a whole history that happens in homes all over the world that's also very common and also rich, that as husbands we should be interested in.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there's so many, I mean, and now we can text those things, but little things that the kids say, and there are things that I need to. Just I was really good you know how it is when you have your first kid about just writing down the funny things that they say or little things that happen, because I mean you think you're going to remember it but you don't. A lot of them are very normal, but just the ones that I have written down and looked back on we both have laughed.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I remember when they used to say that I try to do that in my journal, stuff like that. So he goes on and he says I think he was trying to say he says into the inner sanctuary of this wedded life, no third party should ever be admitted. So he was okay. So let me back up. He says thus, they should live one life, as it were, not two. So being connected, interest being joined. He's trying to paint the picture of, you know, common interest, being interested in one another. Um, and he actually says they should have no secrets which they keep from each other. Um, they should have no companions or friends save those which they have in common.
Speaker 1:I don't know Like like even you know there there are some things that I have my, my brotherhood, you know, and you have your sisterhood, where it's like, it's not like we're keeping secrets, but there are things that you take to your sisters that they can relate with, that they can support you in. I take to my brothers that I need them, I need men, you need women, right? Yes, so there's that. I don't know if I necessarily agree or believe that's super healthy, not that we should keep secrets, but I know, you know what I mean. I don't know how I'm sounding right now. And then he says they should have no companions or friends save those which they have in common. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that sounds kind of strong. Yeah. But okay, and yeah, I don't know that sounds kind of strong. Yeah, but okay. But then he says I want to read this. He says, um, I have read of a young, so he's he's talking about creating this special bond, a special place. And he says I have read of a young wife who prepared one little room in her house into which none but herself and her husband were ever to enter oh, he says he says the incident is suggestive okay, okay what kind of room you said he says no stranger should ever enter metal with this holy life.
Speaker 1:He says no stranger should ever intermeddle with this holy life you gonna make us a wrong, you gonna make us a wronger All right, so let's keep going. Oh, another rule, he says, for the wedded life, is to watch against every smallest beginning of misunderstanding or alienation. So just nip things in the bud early, don't let things drag on. No misunderstandings, he says. Rarely are estrangements the work of one day or caused by one offense. They are growths.
Speaker 4:Yeah, straw on the camel's back.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 4:That didn't make any sense folks the straw that broke the camel's back yeah, that's what I'm saying, building up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, let's see, there's no lesson that husbands and wives need more to learn than instantly and always to seek forgiveness of each other.
Speaker 4:I agree with that.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, but it takes both. What are you trying to say? I'm saying it takes both. The pride that will never say I did wrong, forgive me is not ready for a wedded life. Yeah, that can be hard sometimes to say I did wrong, yeah, forgive me. It hurts, it's a shame, but it's vital.
Speaker 4:I feel like you usually apologize first. Hey. But maybe you're usually in the wrong, so All right, moving on. I know how many more pages do we have? I'm tired, last page.
Speaker 1:Last page I wrote. I copied a paragraph. I said it's a lot to take in, yeah, so he ends this chapter by saying Surely too much is involved, too great a responsibility, too many and too precious interests to venture upon wedded life without Christ.
Speaker 4:Amen.
Speaker 1:The lessons are too hard to learn to be attempted without a divine teacher. Amen. The burdens are too heavy to be borne without a mighty helper. He says the prayer of the Breton mariner, as he puts out on the waves, is a fit prayer for every wedded life as it barks, as its bark is launched. Quote keep me, oh God, for my boat is so small and the ocean is so wide. That's good. You want to read your poem. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:So I wrote this you know we've been reading this book and then we went to the beach and Taylor and I were both building sand castles with the kids not, yours was not made with the kids no do not touch the castle.
Speaker 4:But I just had to laugh because our castles were so different, and so it just got me thinking about how different we are. And then we were reading this book and really thinking about the idea of us being one but also separate and how that works, and so this is the first time I've read this out loud, so bear with me. Where would it be Right here? Where would it be Right here? So I'm making Taylor participate with me in this. Okay, so he's going to read his part, you ready? Mm-hmm. Okay.
Speaker 1:I am fire.
Speaker 4:I am wind.
Speaker 1:Intense passion.
Speaker 4:Peace within.
Speaker 1:Plans and structure.
Speaker 4:Living day by day.
Speaker 1:Thinking ahead.
Speaker 4:It will all be okay.
Speaker 1:Measured and ordered.
Speaker 4:A little here, a little there.
Speaker 1:All or nothing.
Speaker 4:Both sides seem fair.
Speaker 1:Becoming one.
Speaker 4:Ourselves. Do we lose you complete me. No. It's love that we choose. Wake up to life. You say to my soul, take a deep breath. Let that be your goal. You make room for my mess as I live day by day. I'll hold your heart when your structure gives way. We've gone too deep for this to fizzle. If we were castles of sand, you'd be a cathedral and I'd be a drizzle.
Speaker 1:That last part makes me emotional, makes me want to cry. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then the pictures of your drizzle. My drizzle castle.
Speaker 1:And my cathedral.
Speaker 4:Yeah we're very different, but the idea that we're choosing to love each other, and you tell me to wake up to life and I tell you to take a deep breath and we get to know both of those parts of life that we wouldn't know without each other yeah yeah, that's the wedded life. I, I love you, I love you too so until well next week, we're going to do the husband's part. That's what's next, and should I lead the discussion on that or you? We'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:I'll be patient and courteous. Align our interests it'll be great.
Speaker 4:It'll be great. So until next time happy gardening. Thank you,