A Common Life
Welcome to A Common Life where Morgan and Taylor offer month-by-month gardening advice to help your garden thrive. We also share our personal journey in seasonal living, aiming to foster a deeper connection with others, nature, and our Creator. Our hope is to encourage and equip others who are on a similar journey and to provide a space for community around these ideals.
A Common Life
Podcast Book Series: Home-Making by J.R. Miller. Ch. 2 The Husband's Part
"What if the secret to a thriving marriage lies in the everyday acts of love and kindness we often overlook? Explore this compelling idea with us on A Common Life Podcast as we dissect the husband's role in crafting a harmonious home, drawing inspiration from JR Miller's classic "Homemaking." Morgan and I tackle the profound impact of love expressed through daily actions and how it mirrors the unfaltering love Christ has for the church. This episode is a heartfelt invitation to husbands to embrace their roles as the gentle anchors of their homes, ensuring that affection and empathy are the cornerstones of marital bliss.
In the midst of life's chaos, how often do we forget to honor those who stand by us? We delve into the subtle yet powerful practice of cherishing our partners while they're alive, emphasizing the importance of acknowledgment and involvement in life's decisions. Our conversation sheds light on the dynamic interplay of gender roles and marital expectations, urging partners to grow individually and together. By recognizing each other as invaluable companions, we explore how marriages can be nurtured with mutual respect and active love.
Through thoughtful discussions, we unpack the nuances of maintaining kindness, particularly from a husband's perspective. The episode underscores the transformative power of gentle words and the necessity of empathy in supporting one's spouse through daily challenges. Whether it's acknowledging your partner’s efforts or sharing the load of life's burdens, this episode serves as a gentle reminder to express love not just through grand gestures but through everyday actions that foster a flourishing marital relationship. As we gear up for our next episode on the wives' roles, we welcome your thoughts and feedback to enhance our exploration of these timeless insights."
Thanks Jenkins (our AI summary bot).
Find the book Home-Making by J.R. Miller here.
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Music on the podcast was composed by Kevin Dailey. The artist is Garden Friend. The track is the instrumental version of “On a Cloud”
Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of A Common Life Podcast. I'm here with my beautiful bride Morgan, hello, and in this episode we're going to be doing what is this? This episode three of our book series podcast, and we're gonna be doing the husband's part. Yes, so we started with an intro, so if you missed that, go back, listen to the intro and then the second, but the first. The first chapter was the wedded life and now we have the husband's part.
Speaker 2:So this is the husband's part as it relates to his wife, Not to the home or both.
Speaker 1:In the home.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's the husband's part towards his wife.
Speaker 2:Yes, so is there? There's a chapter on the parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, look, at the front. All right, let's go through the chapters again. So we've got the wedded life. We have the husband's part, the wife's part, the parents part yeah, the children's part, brothers and sisters, the home life, religion in the home, home, memories. We're on the husband's part. Yes, okay, this should be fun.
Speaker 2:What did you think like overall of the whole chapter?
Speaker 1:I think jr mill Miller is a ladies man.
Speaker 2:I do appreciate, especially in this chapter, and maybe not all women would agree, but the way that he Paints women as so tender.
Speaker 1:You do appreciate that. You do appreciate that.
Speaker 2:I do appreciate it because I'm like, yeah, because yeah, I am tender and yeah, so I just appreciate that he notices that.
Speaker 1:About women the whole chapter was convicting for me in a good way. It's challenging. I think he brings up a lot of really love the most by our actions in the home.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We'll get into that We'll get into that it's going to be hard to not just read.
Speaker 2:I know there's portions that I do want to read, but there are like little not highlighted. But you know the sections that he goes through.
Speaker 1:It's just yeah, it's so good. The book is Homemaking by JR Miller. He wrote it in 1882. The husband's part let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. Well, that first paragraph is really good, is it?
Speaker 1:it is good. In homemaking, each member of the family has a part, and the fullest happiness and blessedness of the home can be attained only when each one's part is faithfully fulfilled. Yeah, I mean it's pretty simple, but it's true belief fulfilled. Yeah, I mean it's pretty simple, but it's true. For this to work, for the home, life to really work, and reach its fullest potential and highest point, everybody has to functioning, functioning and doing their part. He says one person alone cannot make a home what it ought to be and what it might be.
Speaker 1:I really like this picture, though. He says that one sweet spirit may spread through the house, the home, sorry. One sweet spirit may spread through the home, the odors of love, even though among the other members there are bitterness and strife, just as one fragrant flower may spread through a hedge of thorns a breath of perfume. And he goes on to talk about the influence that one gentle and unselfish life may have in the home. But not one person can make the whole home complete. So just because one person isn't doing their part doesn't mean that you don't do your part.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that you can influence the home. One person can definitely influence the home, but it takes everyone doing their part. So what is the husband's part?
Speaker 2:He says yeah, what is the husband's part? You know, because I think a lot of times that you know, at a Christian marriage and in Christian counseling, and the way that we view marriage is husbands love your wives and wives submit to your husbands and to me, and wives submit to your husbands and to me submit has a much more concrete definition of like. We know what that means and I think different people take it different ways. But love Like? What does it mean for a man to love his wife? I think the word love is so wishy-washy these days. Like, what even is the definition of? And he says as Christ loved the church is the scripture. But like even that is just like that's big shoes to fill. What does that even look like? So he lays a lot of it out here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you say, like, how do we define love, I always think about the verse that says the greatest love is the one that lays down his life for his friends. So to love someone is to put them before yourself, to consider their needs greater than your own. And I think he does touch on some of that and I think that is definitely the husband's part is to put the needs of his wife and his family above his own. He starts with the word love. He said there's one word that covers all, the word love. And he says that the counsel is very short but it grows exceedingly long when it is fully accepted and observed and observed. So he says what are some of the things that are embraced in a husband's love? And the first one, he said, is fondness and affectionate regard. Fondness and affectionate regard and affectionate regard. What do you think of that? When you hear that? What do you think? Where do you go.
Speaker 2:Well, the end of that paragraph he says his heart, talking about fondness, affectionate. He talks a lot about. You know, fondness, affectionate he talks a lot about at the beginning, like when you first fall in love. That's so obvious to a woman, like, oh, he's fond of me and is showing me affection. But then, as the years go on, that that can wane, you know. So he says, as the years go on and you're saying that you're going to love until death, he says his heart is still to choose his wife among all women and to find its truest delight in her. I think that's what he means.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when I think of that. When he says fondness, affection and regard, it's to think highly of, yeah, to have, yeah to think highly of and to admire. And he says when the beauty has faded from her face and the luster from her eyes, when old age has brought wrinkles, or when sickness, care or sorrow has left marks of wasting or marring, you know you have to cultivate that, the fondness, the affectionate regard. He says down at the bottom, he says Christ gave himself for his church. The husband is to give himself, to deny himself utterly, to forget himself in simple and wholehearted devotion to his wife. I think it's interesting. So the book is home making. So if we could just even step back a second, it's like where does this chapter fit in the context of the whole? He's writing a book about home making, making a home, the home being the core part, the core unit, the spring of the community, the spring of a country and the marriage being at the heart of the home. And at the heart of the home the husband part and the wife's part, and it all flows from those two places. So, as the husband, christ gave himself for his church, the husband is to give himself, to deny himself utterly to forget himself in simple and wholehearted devotion to his wife. That is love. It's a high calling too. It's a lot, so I underlinedlined.
Speaker 1:He keeps going. He says selfishness dies at the marriage altar. He, the husband, thinks no longer of his own comfort but of his wife's. He takes the storm himself and shelters her from its blast. He toils to support her. He denies himself that he may bring new pleasures and comforts to her. He counts no sacrifice too great to be made which will bring benefit to her. You know, I mean, I think, as the husband. You know, I mean I think, as the husband. Doing that is much easier when you're daily cultivating a fondness and affection, and it's really a choice, you know, right. So any, thoughts comments.
Speaker 2:No, I just agree that it is a high call.
Speaker 1:It's like you're saying denying yourself. He goes on in this next section. He really talks about what the woman sacrifices. Yeah, so you know, 1882 perhaps is a little different than it is now, but you know things were different for women back then.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Women were much more Dependent, Depend, dependent and needy yeah, and I think because, he basically lays out that she's giving up everything to say yes to him right, like he goes into great detail of, like her home, her friends, her, and she's giving all of this up Right and looking to him Right To make a new home. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a new life. She gives up a lot. I thought this poem. So the poem is Miss Proctor, I don't know who that is. He says put these words into the lips of an expectant bride. It's called A Woman's Question. I thought I'd read these first three sections.
Speaker 1:He says, or in the poem it says and this is the bride speaking Before I trust my fate to thee or place my hand in thine, before I let thy future give color and form to mine, before I peril all for thee, question thy soul tonight. For me, I break all slighter bonds nor feel a shadow of regret. Is there one link within the past that holds thy spirit yet? Or is thy faith as clear and free as that which I can pledge to thee? Does there, within thy dimmest dreams, a possible future shine wherein thy life could henceforth breathe untouched, unshared by mine? If so, at any pain or cost? Oh, tell me before all is lost. So essentially, she's saying I'm giving my all here. I'm coming with my full self. Are you doing the same? Yeah, yeah, are you doing the same? And that's really what it takes in marriage. If you're going to build a home and a family, it takes both the husband and the wife giving it their all it does, and that's this sentence really stood out to me.
Speaker 2:It says Alas, how many never realize the sacredness of the responsibility they so lightly assume.
Speaker 1:Right Before that he says it is a solemn thing for any man to assume such a trust and take a life, a gentle, delicate, confiding young life into his keeping to cherish, to shelter, to bless, until death either takes the trust out of his hands or strikes him down. And it is different today, I think. I think women are much less dependent and needy, yeah, but I do think that husbands and men, christian men, but all men that are entering into a covenant marriage should enter into it with that same attitude of doing of a hundred percent, uh, of not dreaming of a possible future, holding onto a possible future outside of marriage, outside of including the bride, his bride, laying all of that down to enter into a new life. And yeah, I mean I don't want to give commentary on like too much on women. I mean that's going to be the next chapter, the wife. But men are needy, but women are needy too yeah, we're in people, we're human, we have needs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're people, we're human, we have needs.
Speaker 1:So he wraps up fondness, and talking about fondness, with this. He says Every husband should understand that when a woman, the woman of his own free and deliberate choice, places her hand in his and thus becomes his wife, she has taken her life with all its hopes and fears, all its possibilities of joy or sorrow, all its capacity for development, all its tender and sacred interests and placed it in his hand, and that he is under the most solemn obligations to do all in his power. Hallelujah and amen in loving, as Christ loved his church when he gave himself for it.
Speaker 1:Hallelujah and amen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a laying down of both people laying down their lives for the other.
Speaker 1:So the next section, he talks about the utmost gentleness in matter, manner. So love implies like the word love husbands, love your wives. It's implying fondness, affectionate regard. And then he talks about gentleness, the utmost gentleness and manner, and this is the one. When I read the chapter the first time it it really stuck with me just thinking about being gentle. He says one may be very faithful and true and yet lack that affectionateness in speech and act which has such power to satisfy the heart. And I've found that to be true. I mean, just being kind and gentle and affectionate can satisfy a wife's heart.
Speaker 2:Can't it? Oh yeah, yeah, I mean, this is where he talks about being one person outside the home and then being someone different inside the home, and we all I mean get grumpy and, like you said, it's the hardest to be kind to the people you're closest to. Is that what you said?
Speaker 1:Well, I think I don't know if I said that.
Speaker 2:The people that you're closest to are seeing the real you. And also there's something about like being able to be yourself, but and he talks about coming like coming in the evening, at the end of the day, to each other and like, if you've had a hard day, for your wife to know that and it's not like you can't be in a bad mood.
Speaker 1:he's not saying that here no, and I don't think you have to hold back your true self. It's just to communicate it and to be gentle in your manner.
Speaker 2:Right, like if someone at work were to ask you even the same question that I were to ask, or if someone was over at the house and they asked the same question. He's saying so many men are more gentle with those people than they are with their wives.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and why is that?
Speaker 1:Is what he's saying Well, I mean, I think, yeah, yeah, he's saying why is that and why? Well, I think that we can take, you know, I can take your love for granted, you know I can take your love for granted. And chapter one in the Wedded Life, I think he brings up that we just can assume that you understand me, you know like, you know I love you, you know where I stand, and so I can just not have to worry about being kind or super gentle. And he says the trouble is that men fall into free and careless habits at home. It's not so much that we are being mean, we being husbands, but we can get a little careless, and the words maybe are harshness, it can sting, he says.
Speaker 1:They are not so in society. They are gentle to other women, they pride themselves on their thoughtfulness, they are careful, not even by tone or look to hurt a sensitive spirit. But at home too often they are rude, careless in speech and heedless of the effect of their words and actions. They blurt out in their own houses the ill humor they have suppressed. All day on the street, Irritated tones, speak impatiently, sullen, morose and unsocial.
Speaker 1:So in the next two paragraphs, as I was making notes, we think that because a woman is his wife, a man thinks that because a woman is his wife, she should understand him, that she should know that he loves her even if he is rude to her, that she should not mind anything he says or does, even if it is something that would sorely hurt or offend any other woman. I mean I can, just I can hear that, you know, I think if I'm with my thinking about my brothers, I mean it's true, thinking about my brothers, I mean it's true that can be an excuse when we get careless with our actions and our words. But it makes sense to me that we should not do that.
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:If we're going to be careful in our speech to be kind, to be thoughtful outside the home, even more so should we do that in the home when we're talking and caring for our wives and I've just seen it just being gentle and affectionate. It's a way to care for your heart, To love you.
Speaker 2:I can tell. I mean, I'll speak for myself, but I would say that most women Don't operate the way of like oh, you told me that you love me at the altar and so You're always going to love me, and I should know that, no matter how you treat me. That's just kind of silly, very silly.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So he goes on to say there never was a falser premise than this. Just because she is his wife, he owes her the loftiest courtesy that is in his nature to pay in his nature to pay. There is no other woman in all the world that feels so keenly the sting of sharp or thoughtless words from his lips as his own wife, and there is no other of whose feelings he should be so careful and whom he should so grieve to hurt. No other has the claim upon his thoughtfulness and affection that she does. Love gives no license for rudeness or incivility. To the one who is loved, the closer the relationship, the more our hearts pained by any look, tone, gesture or word that tells of bitterness or even of thoughtlessness. I'm sorry or even of thoughtlessness.
Speaker 1:So it's the opposite of what we can tend to think. The more a relationship is close, the closer we grow in our relationship, the more it hurts whenever the other is rude or thoughtless and it's not hard, like for the husband. These are things like to be affectionate, to be kind, considerate, courteous, to be gentle with our wives. This is just basic stuff.
Speaker 2:You don't find it hard at all.
Speaker 1:It doesn't require, I mean, in my natural man. Yeah, sometimes it is. It can be hard, but it's not like I think. Sometimes men go to love means you know spending money on things or you know to pursue their wife, means to take them on dates or extravagant vacations or a fancy dinner, when those are great. We're not moment by moment and day by day, being affectionate, pursuing our wives and our fondness of her.
Speaker 2:Then those things don't being gentle.
Speaker 1:Then those other things don't really mean anything.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And I mean I don't know, I don't think it's really hard to be gentle. Sometimes it is. I mean, I'm not.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean I like this next paragraph, where he gives the example of the garden and saying because he's talking about not being harsh with your words, but then with the garden example he's basically like I'm just going to read it it's not enough that men be not bitter against their wives. The mere absence of a fault or vice is not a virtue. Silence is no doubt better than bitterness. Even stateliness, though cold as a marble statue, is probably better than rudeness. A garden without weeds, though having neither plant nor flower, is better than a patch of weeds, but a garden beautiful and fragrant with flowers is better still. It is a step in the right direction when a husband is not bitter against his wife, and it is a good deal farther in the right direction when, instead of being bitter, his words and acts and whole bearing are characterized by gentleness and affection. So like, yeah, a garden without weeds is great, but even better is a garden full of flowers.
Speaker 1:And the flowers being gentleness and affectionateness and the flowers being gentleness and affectionateness.
Speaker 2:I think he's saying the flowers being words of life. So like, yeah, you can. It's better to not be bitter and be silent, but it's better still to give words of love and life and affection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to be gentle and affectionate. That helps me. It just makes it simple. So far. It's like okay, what's the husband's part? The husband's part, this is what I was saying. It's simple. The husband's part is to love your wife. Okay, so how do you love your wife? Be gentle and just be affectionate.
Speaker 2:First you lay down your life, then you're gentle and affectionate yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then he goes on to say words seem like little things, but we forget what power they have to give pleasure or pain. Sometimes we think they go away, but they don't go away at all. He says they linger like barbed arrows in the heart where they struck, or like fragrant flowers distilling perfume.
Speaker 2:Words. They have power, our words have power. Okay, this is my favorite paragraph in the whole chapter. This one, yes. Okay, because this one makes me think of moms, young moms, who are at home all day with their children.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So just imagine mom home all day with little kids chasing them around. You know just like and and. In this specific stage of life it's really hard to feel seen. So okay, while gentleness should always mark a husband's bearing towards his wife, there are occasions which call for peculiar thoughtfulness and sympathetic expression. Sometimes she is very weary. The cares of the day have been unusually trying. Matters have not gone smoothly at home. Her quivering nerves have been sorely overtaxed. She has heard sad news. A child has been sick all day or, worse still, has by some disobedience or some wrongdoing almost broken her heart. What is a husband's part at such times? So then it's like then the husband comes in the door After this day. Surely, if he is capable of tenderness, he will allow it. Now. He will not utter a word to add to the load the overburdened spirit is already carrying. He will seek, rather, by every thoughtful help his love can give, to lighten the burden, to quiet the trembling heart. I was like, yeah, that is so good.
Speaker 1:Is that what you want?
Speaker 2:I just want like. That to me is like okay, see your wives before you walk in to the house. Or when you walk into the house, it's like okay, let me get the gauge here instead of just coming in and just adding to the fire.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exercise some self-control fire.
Speaker 2:yeah, exercise some self-control, get a sense of how the day has been and try to see her, see her be gentle, affectionate.
Speaker 1:I'm serious, I'm serious. I'm trying to make it simple for us guys out there. But he says it's gentleness, should, he's like, call for peculiar thoughtfulness and sympathetic expression yeah, don't add to the load of her over already overtaxed yes some things change and then some things don't change, sounds like for you women that are staying home with your kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, back in 1882.
Speaker 1:I mean that sounds like this is.
Speaker 2:I resonated, I resonated with that.
Speaker 1:Resonated. I underlined this seemed like, yeah, I want to be this type of husband. I underlined she should be sure that he will understand her, that he will deal most gently with her, that he will give his own strength to shelter her, that he will impart of his own life to build up the waste in hers. She should never have to fear repulse or coldness or rebuke when she flees to him for shelter.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know like. So, after that long weary day or you get sad news, whatever it is, when you turn to me and you're seeking comfort and shelter, yeah, I don't want everyone to have to fear me shaming you or rebuking you, you know, mm-hmm or rejecting you, mm-hmm. And he goes on and he kind of talks about.
Speaker 2:You know, the worst regret is if your spouse dies.
Speaker 1:And you weren't those things, yeah it was something like how are you going to lay flowers on her coffin when you never got her flowers when she was alive? Yeah, it is of little avail to bring flowers to a wife's coffin when you failed to strew flowers on the path while her weary feet were painfully walking over it.
Speaker 2:I mean that is.
Speaker 1:It is of little avail to speak her praises now in every ear, to recount her excellences and dwell upon her virtues, when in her lifetime you never found a her virtues, when in her lifetime you never found a word of praise for her own ears, nor loving compliment, nor any token to show to her how much you prized her. I mean that's a word Sobering. Yeah, he's like come on, brothers, the time to show love's tenderness is when it is needed.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So the next kind of point that he brings out, the spirit of this love, he says, requires a husband to honor his wife, Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:His wife.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. He says the ways in which he should show her honor are countless. He will do it by providing for her wants on as generous a scale as his position and his means will justify. Yes, sir, I'm like bro. Do you even know the women these days? You don't live in 2024, dog.
Speaker 2:Women got lots of needs now their hair. Oh, it's ridiculous man and veils. That's funny.
Speaker 1:One thing that stood out to me was he said One way to honor your wife is to counsel with her about his business, advise with her concerning every new plan and confide to her at every point the results of his undertakings.
Speaker 2:He did talk a lot about that, about a companionship, and, yeah, he was very um, he talked heavily on sharing your business and, um, everything outside of the home with your wife, like your affairs of the day, which I find really interesting. In a way of showing her honor, he's saying like she's not a child.
Speaker 1:Your wife is not a child.
Speaker 2:And oh, I loved how he was saying when you don't share those things with your wife, you're actually hurting yourself because she could be of counsel to you, which I find is very true.
Speaker 1:Like, okay, this is what I underlined.
Speaker 2:For women's quick intuition often sees at a glance what a man's slow logic is long in discovering. Which basically means women have an intuition. I mean, don't you think? Usually I have like a little hunch. Definitely, and then you catch up, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:It's true.
Speaker 2:Many a man owes his wife's wise counsel a large measure of his success.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can see that I think it takes patience to loop your wife in and I'll be interested to see what the wife's part is because it takes two to tango, what the wife's part is because it takes two to tango, I mean, I think, sharing things. I don't want a quick like, I don't want to add anxiety to you, right, like if things are in process and I'm bouncing ideas around you, you know.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:I don't. I would be afraid that you might misunderstand or that your fear, or, yeah, anxiety, would cause you to say you know, no right.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. I think we have had times in the past where, no right, mm-hmm. I think we have had times in the past where, because you are a very you're a visionary and also you come up with lots of plans every day.
Speaker 1:Like you're saying, I've gotten a lot better.
Speaker 2:You have, but you I mean that used to be, I had lots of ideas. I could do this, I could do that, I could do this, I could do that, I could do this. And I remember at one point I did have to say can you take this to some guys, because unless you're like, or I said something like if you could sit on it for a week and it's still something you want to do, let's talk about it. You remember that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I just needed somebody to process out loud yeah you are an external processor. It helps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. So I think, yes, I will be interested to see what the wife's part, because there is a way of listening and comforting and not like you have to know your man and know, like, what does he need in this moment? Does he need me to say hey, I don't know about this right now, or does he need me to be like, hmm, like Right?
Speaker 1:But I do think a way for husbands to honor their wives, for me to honor you, is to include you in the business affairs, in the decisions that I could potentially be making that would affect our family.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Should include you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a way to honor you.
Speaker 1:He goes on to say, like one of the sections is, he talks about how love has been the inspiration that has lifted many a man from a lowly place to lofty heights of worth or power. And that's true man. Love can make men do crazy, awesome things.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And really dumb things too.
Speaker 2:I think, oh, my goodness, I could be getting this wrong. My aunt Jill had a boyfriend once who climbed up to the top of a water tower and somehow got inside and like swam in the water because of a dagger.
Speaker 1:like to impress her swam in the water because of the day her was like.
Speaker 2:It was like a battle between yeah like to impress her Sounds really dumb. I know I need to get the details on that.
Speaker 1:You can get the details, report back, the wife's part. So this was one of my favorite uh paragraph paragraphs. It's pretty long but he says every true, hearthearted husband should seek to be worthy of the wife he has already won. For her sake, he should reach out after the noblest achievements and strive to attain the loftiest heights of character. To her, he is the ideal of all that is manly and he should seek to become every day more worthy of the homage she pays to him.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, every possibility in his soul should be developed, every latent power and energy of his life should be brought out. His hand should be trained under love's inspiration to do its most skillful work. Every fault in his character should be eradicated, every evil habit conquered, and every hidden beauty of soul should burst into fragrant bloom. For her sake, she looks to him as her ideal of manhood and he must see to it that the ideal is never marred of manhood. And he must see to it that the ideal is never marred, that he never falls by any unworthy act of his own from the high pedestal in her heart to which she has raised him.
Speaker 1:Among all sins, few are worse than those by which a man draws down shame and reproach upon himself, for, besides all the sorrow he brings upon her in so many other ways, he thus crushes in his wife's heart the fair and noble image of manhood which she had enshrined there next to her saviors Dang. Yeah, that's pretty intense. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if that's my favorite paragraph, but it's up there, you know, I just like is like go out there, get after it and go crush it. Like make your woman proud and be worthy of, of the wife that you've already won.
Speaker 2:You know and like what her idea of a man is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, show her what a man is. Show her what a man is. And like Show her that you are worthy to be a husband and to be a dad and to be a leader. And like, okay, like, go do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like the oh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, call, yeah. She says oh, yeah to her. He is the ideal of all that is manly and he should seek to become everyday more worthy of the homage she pays to him. So I think that this next section was also convicting. I want to be a large hearted man. He says in the spirit of this love again, husbands, love your wife. In the spirit of this love, every husband should be a large-hearted man. I want to be a large-hearted man.
Speaker 2:I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a large-hearted man.
Speaker 2:There are wives whose natures do not blossom out in their best beauty because the atmosphere in which they live is chill and cold.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you think about a home With a man, a dad, a husband who's just I got a large heart you think it's warm, it's welcoming, it's inviting, it's safe yeah I.
Speaker 1:I highlighted that. He says the husband who would have his wife's nature blossom out into its best possibilities of character, influence and power must make a genial summer atmosphere. For, hmm, you know, it's like these things like okay, it helps me to just distill, otherwise I'm not going to remember all this, right? Yeah, so I have to take the little bits. It's like okay if I can just be gentle and affectionate towards you all the time and then try to think like summer in the home. I want to help cultivate an atmosphere of summer, of blooming.
Speaker 2:I wonder what that looks like practically. I want to help cultivate an atmosphere of summer, of blooming. I wonder what that looks like practically. Can you think of a practical way to make a home feel like summer, or the opposite, I guess, of winter?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know, he says, in their natures there are the germs of many excellences and the possibilities of rich outcome. I don't know what he says.
Speaker 2:The germs Like seeds.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Like germination.
Speaker 1:Okay, but the home atmosphere is repressing and chilly and in it none of these richer qualities and powers manifest themselves. So it's like the opposite of summer is cold, chilly. So don't have a cold, chilly attitude. Have a more large-hearted summery vibe. You know, I think of a large-hearted man, I think of like Santa Claus.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, yeah, I mean he's the cold, chilly weather, but he sure does.
Speaker 1:He's warm.
Speaker 2:He's very warm. You would want to be next to Santa Definitely. And his laugh I were in his life. I think of his laugh.
Speaker 1:You know who's large hearted, who your dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:He's definitely large hearted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought of him.
Speaker 1:And he goes on to say a large hearted man is generous inside his house and also outside his house. He says every generous and law-charted man scatters many a comfort among the needy and the suffering as he passes through this world. There's nothing lost by such scattering. No richer blessing can come upon a home than the benedictions or blessings of those who have been helped, who have been fed at its doors or sheltered beneath its roof or inspired by its cheer and kindly interest. Yeah, I need, I want to be a generous, large-hearted man. I think that is part of the husband's part. I think that is part of the husband's part and I love the way he ends this the husband's part.
Speaker 2:He says one thing more may be said Every husband of a Christian wife should walk with her in common love for Christ.
Speaker 1:I do think sometimes it's the wife that's the more religious or spiritual one.
Speaker 2:And the husband can kind of just fall back and not take a prominent role in leading. I think you see that a lot. I don't know if, for some reason, in the generation before us, we're like you know, we're like yeah, my grandma, there's my grandma who took us to church. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So actually my favorite paragraph is the very last one, okay finish this off so he goes on and he talks about yeah men husbands yeah, should join their wives in spiritual pursuit, to not leave her alone in that.
Speaker 1:And he says then, after that exhortation, he says United then on earth in a common faith in Christ, their mutual love mingling and blending in the love of God, they shall be united also in heaven in eternal fellowship. Why should hearts spend years on earth and growing into one, knitting life to life, blending soul and soul, for a union that is not to reach beyond the valley of shadows? Why not weave for eternity Something?
Speaker 2:to think about there's something to think about weave for eternity, hey.
Speaker 1:Something to think about there's something to think about. I mean, I don't know, I'm like, why not Okay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, I don't think about that.
Speaker 1:So the husband's part Husbands are to love their wives. I agree with him and I love the way he encourages husbands to love their wives, to be fond, to show affection, to have an affectionate manner towards them, to be gentle, to honor their wives, include their wives, our wives, in our business and affairs. And what was the?
Speaker 2:Your words hold power To be a large-hearted man.
Speaker 1:to be large-hearted, to be generous is the husband's part, and to pursue Christ with their wives. I mean, what do you think? What was your take on that chapter? How do you feel about it being the wife, the recipient of those things?
Speaker 2:Like alright JR Miller. Yeah, you like that, I like that.
Speaker 1:I like that Anything you would add or take away or disagree with.
Speaker 2:I think these days that women would say like I don't know. I don't know if it's like years of hurt.
Speaker 2:But the truth is that we're tender and I really liked that he I said that at the beginning that he recognizes that and I agree with you that all the extra things don't matter if there's not everyday affection and we talked about some of that in the wedded life, like how those things just can easily fade and you can become like ships passing in the night and it really does take work. Like he's really calling everybody to step into their roles in the home because it is the easiest place, like with a job or something. You go, you know what's expected of you and you kill it Like you're going to crush it because you're competing or you want to be the best of the best and then at home it's just so easy to get lax and I love that. He's calling men like hey, this is the high standard you are to love your wives as Christ loves the church, and here's some different ways that that breaks down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. It seems so straightforward and I just think that it is simple advice. It's like okay, okay, man, if you're struggling in your marriage or if you feel like you're not syncing up with your wife, have you been affectionate towards her, like not sexually, but just affectionate tenderender? Have you been gentle? Have you tried to show her honor and make her feel seen?
Speaker 2:I think that is so understated what, these days, women want to feel. Seen, you know.
Speaker 1:What do you mean, when you say that like what? What is it that like how? How do you feel seen? Help us men understand. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:well, I think that we do a whole lot that goes unseen and that's unappreciated or can be unappreciated keep our homes running and keeping people fed and creating an atmosphere of truth and beauty and goodness in the home, and that that's not easy to do. But also it's just like the ins and outs of every day making sure people have clothes to wear, making sure people are eating, and it's just like okay, like I go out of town for two days and you have the kids for two days and I walk in the door like what does it feel like for you when I'm gone for two days?
Speaker 1:It's exhausting.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you want someone to just look at you and say can I rub your feet?
Speaker 1:or like wow Taylor to be gentle with me and affectionate to honor me. That's what I need after two days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and I think maybe just like to guys, it's like just asking what do you need right now to feel seen, because it might be? You know, we women we cycle.
Speaker 1:Okay, boy, do you?
Speaker 2:So we are not the same as you in that we have different needs at different times of the month.
Speaker 1:Way more complicated.
Speaker 2:So sometimes I might need like really need some alone time, and that might not be looking like it's possible and I just need like a minute you know, or like maybe I need to go out and see you. See, my friends, like just being attuned to your wife's needs because they change on the reg.
Speaker 1:Yeah okay, on the reg yeah, okay yeah, thoroughly overwhelmed a little bit. That's why I need to focus on just being gentle and affectionate yeah, taylor's like gentle, affection large.
Speaker 2:Heart got it. Yeah, well, taylor's like gentle, affection large heart got it yeah well you know, the good news is we're in this together.
Speaker 1:We get to work on this for our lives, for eternity?
Speaker 2:yeah, apparently, and that's the thing.
Speaker 1:Keep showing up. There's no back door. We're in this, so can't wait for the wives part it better be good. It better be good. Y'all better be paying some serious homage, some serious homage to the manliness, that is alright. Jr Miller you better, miller, you better bring it. Buddy, you better bring it.
Speaker 2:Until next time. Well, I'll just say next week. The wife's part.
Speaker 1:Next week's the wife's part. You're going to be leading it.
Speaker 2:I'll be leading it You'll be talking all about the homage. I'll be talking about what our part is, how we can step into our role as women, and maybe I'll try to like bullet point more so we don't have to read so much. But it's just good the way you worded it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I think so. This is our first time doing this, so feedback would be appreciated. If you're listening to this and you made it this far, amazing. If you didn't make it this far, you're not listening, but like, if it's too much reading, give us the feedback. But yes, it's so good. I mean it's good. Yeah, I like reading it.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, so until next time.
Speaker 1:Happy gardening.
Speaker 2:Thank you.