Living a world that does not reflect God’s Kingdom means that we are constantly trying to re-align our thoughts and beliefs with Capital “T” Truth. Whether we learned these lies from our parents, our schools, our friends, or even well-meaning churches… we all believe certain lies about ourselves. Both as people, and as women. In this episode walk through some of those lies, reframe our beliefs, and help each other understand what it means to be women of God.
Living a world that does not reflect God’s Kingdom means that we are constantly trying to re-align our thoughts and beliefs with Capital “T” Truth. Whether we learned these lies from our parents, our schools, our friends, or even well-meaning churches… we all believe certain lies about ourselves. Both as people, and as women. In this episode walk through some of those lies, reframe our beliefs, and help each other understand what it means to be women of God.
You're probably gonna hate us, but we are conservative Christian moms.
Nikki:we're here to empower other conservative Christian moms to speak up, say what's true, and defend their children's futures.
Amy:Hey, I'm Amy. I'm the often two serious mother of twins.
Candace:I am Candy Rose, and I'm the often two honest mother of.
Nikki:And I'm Nikki and I'm the often two emotional mother of two.
Candace:Living in a world that does not reflect God's kingdom means that we are constantly trying to realign our thoughts and beliefs with capital T. Truth. Whether we learned these lies from our parents, our schools, our friends, or even well-meaning churches, we all believe certain lies about ourselves. Both as people and as women today, we wanna walk through some of those lies, reframe our beliefs and help each other understand what it means to be women of God. So let's pull up a chair and discuss.
Amy:So Nikki, I feel like you bring a lot of our topics, which I love.
Nikki:Aw
Amy:You were chatting with us one day and you were like, you guys, I just had a brainstorm. We need to talk about lies. The lies we believe. So this will probably be a series, we'll probably do a few others, but this first one, lies we believe about ourselves, encompasses so many things because like there as women, we believe certain stuff as people, we believe stuff as individuals, we believe stuff. I don't know. So one really big one that definitely comes to mind.
Nikki:to mind
Amy:As women, we were meant to be subservient. Who else grew up thinking this?
Nikki:Hello
Candace:Yes. every, every woman in the church ever.
Amy:Ever I was just talking to someone. Yeah, I was just talking to someone on the phone earlier. Shout out to you Auntie Lala. You know, I'll be talking about you. She mentioned that she went to a type of church where, theologically, they believe that if you were a woman on stage, for instance, a man had to come up with you. Or like that, like it was like the way women were treated was to the extent that you couldn't even be up on stage without a man next to you, which is like a whole level of holy Toledo for me.
Candace:Yeah, that is, that's a lot. That's a lot right there.
Amy:I recently learned some interesting stuff kind of relating to this, so I'll share. one. And these, both of these come from, oh gosh, her name is not in my notes, but I'll link a YouTube video of her talking about it. She is like my favorite, biblical culturist. She's fabulous. But first thing I learned is that when woman is listed in the genesis and like Genesis two, for the first time, the very first time God wants to describe women. It basically says something kind of like, we've all heard, help meet or help mate. Okay. It's two different words put together and we like our friend group internally. We've had a lot of discussions about what does this mean,, because we've heard a lot of
Nikki:we really have
Candace:Yeah.
Amy:Yeah, we've heard a lot. Everyone's heard, I think a lot about what does these two words mean, but she says this in the most, I think clarifying way, the first word essentially means beside. So it's like this horizontal relationship walking forward beside someone in equality is the word I'm gonna use, but that's not my favorite word. So then the other,
Nikki:with the H. The H.
Amy:yeah. Yeah. It's like beside like two equal parties walking together in partnership. And then the other word is in front of face-to-face, kind of, the way , of the male party going in the wrong direction. So it's slightly confrontational, but not like, I mean, one term that like my husband and I have adopted, which is kind of a joke for us now, is help against me. Chad's always like, you're my help against me
Nikki:me,
Amy:Because anytime I point out like a differing opinion or I'm like corrective in any way, as wifes are, you know, he is like, you're my help is stepping my help against me because you, I know you're right, but I hate it.
Nikki:right, but I
Candace:I love
Amy:but that is maybe a little more combative than like, is intended really. It's like a, it's a side to side, face-to-face relationship. And what's super interesting is that this exact same term as the term used, that God, the term that God uses to describe himself in relationship with Israel. Especially
Nikki:I didn't know that.
Amy:to Yes. Especially as it pertains to like contending for or fighting for his nation of Israel. So it's this very like strong like woman who contends and like is your partner. And oh, and the other thing she said is it has to do with,
Nikki:um,
Amy:to do with, oh, the help part. That was the other part. Okay. The horizontal helper part, that first.
Nikki:That first word
Amy:Also has connotations of, I have things that I can help you with, you cannot help yourself with.
Nikki:yourself. My mind is so blown, like this is gonna be like a little bit of an aside, but when before we started, we were talking about marriage issues and uh, this is one of those big lies, like I am, I feel like fighting upward, like trying to fight with. To help. But I feel like one of those lies we believe is like, okay, I guess I better just be quiet and let my husband lead whatever direction he's going to lead us in., but just hearing you say that I felt like I had a Holy Spirit, aha. Like no, I can contend with. alongside, and come on, let's do this. You know, , like the Lord does, like the Lord will not let us falter. We all went to see David. Remember that moment when David's gonna quit and the whole time he is teaching his men never back. And then he was like, ah, can't do this. And he's like, never back. The, the men are like, never back. I feel. We as women in our marriages are like, no, never back. Even when they as the ones who typically lead. I don't know. It just feels like a big lie that makes us step back from maybe fighting and contending for our families, our marriages, everything within those. yes, it's okay to fight, but I think it's like a weird, uh, especially in this time frame in Christianity, like actually counterculture, but maybe not helpful that we shouldn't help them. You know, like let them do the thing, but, no, they need our help . Anyway, that's a big aside, but it was a light bulb
Candace:I do. I Amy, I like what you just said about how the same word is used to describe God. That's really interesting. I've never heard that.
Amy:Yeah, I, I freaking love that the first time he describes woman is the same word he saves to describe himself in his relationship with Israel. And what else is so weird to me about that is that in his relationship with Israel, the metaphor is that Israel is the bride and he's the bride room. And so it definitely has this, like, it adds this strength and I don't know, like Badassness or something. I don't know.
Nikki:Yeah,
Candace:Yes,
Amy:right.
Candace:agree.
Nikki:right.
Amy:Yeah. But I, I agree. Nikki, for a lot of years I was always a little bit prideful in this idea that like, oh, my husband's in charge of our home and he's a leader because it's counterculture. And sometimes I sort of like love counterculture things., you know? I'm like, yeah, counterculture, right?
Nikki:But,
Amy:his counterculture in a way that's not productive. It's good to give your husband respect and honor him in the home he does deserve. We've talked plenty about that, but it doesn't, it hit honoring him to respecting him does not negate your place or importance or leadership in the home. It's just,
Nikki:leadership.
Amy:there's like different parts, you know? I the other thing she talks about in this video I link is Proverbs 31. And um, actually does she talk about, no, I'm not sure if she talks about this in this YouTube video, but I'll link where I got this from. I used to think Proverbs 31 was like this really meek, sweet, sort of quiet, nice homemaking woman. I don't know. Didn't, do you guys have that idea about the proverb
Candace:Oh yeah. I mean, that's how it was always taught to us, right? Growing up in church, we were taught. We all wanted to be Proverbs 31 women. And yeah, it was meek and humble and yeah, subservient is a good way to describe her. I think how I was taught, at least
Amy:Yeah, same. And I was always like, do I wanna,
Nikki:do I
Amy:do I want that though?
Nikki:I want that though?
Amy:is, you know what I mean? I was never like, Ooh, let me make that my goal for my life. I don't know.
Candace:Yeah.
Nikki:But
Amy:in Hebrew culture, it's actually written, the poem is titled Woman of Valor. It's not Woman of Virtue. Woman of Valor. So it's immediately a place of strength and the word, I guess, virtuous woman, which is like in that. Verse, it's the words, and I'm gonna say this wrong and it's gonna sound terrible, but
Nikki:terrible, but
Amy:maybe I don't know. Um, that word
Candace:good. That sounded great.
Amy:Okay, great. We'll just pretend that's right. It can mean anything
Nikki:anything
Amy:pertaining to strength might, ability valor. And so it's not this woman, it like virtuous woman, I think in our culture.
Nikki:our culture is,
Amy:Has the wrong connotations. This is actually a really strong woman. So once you realize that and when you go back and read it, she's the woman of valor. You start to read about this woman who contends she is like in charge of her domain. She's like, You know what I mean? I don't know. It just reads totally different. It's super interesting to read it knowing it's actually a woman of valor. And in Shabbat home, like in Shabbat dinners and in Jewish homes, they read this every Friday night over their wives as part of what they read at Shabbat dinner, which I think is
Candace:Aw, that's
Nikki:that is super cool. I love the Woman of Valor. It does literally like take away that lie. I don't know. It's just crazy. Who edited that differently? Who decided what word went where? We should replace that in all versions.
Candace:Yeah. I mean, it's hard, right? In the bi, so many, there's so many versions of the Bible now, and words can be. Taken so many different ways because it's not originally in English, so they're doing their best. The people are doing their best
Amy:I do feel like that's where, why Word studies matter.
Candace:Oh yeah. I
Amy:we have to study the words ourselves, which we're capable of doing. Okay, so lie one, we do not have to be subservient, and that's not even what the Bible says about it. So release yourself from this and go explain to your husband why you're in charge now. Just kidding. Don't do that
Nikki:I love it.
Candace:not why you're in charge, but why you're partners and you're side by side.
Amy:For sure. For sure. For. Okay. What's our next light, you guys?
Nikki:thing you guys? I have so many that I'm just trying to like sort through my
Candace:Lie too. I think Nikki should head up because she's the one
Nikki:Okay. I'm scared to say this one. I'm scared to talk about this because this is such a prevalent thing in our society right now. Most therapy, like unless you go to Christian therapy, most therapists and most of the parenting resources, everything is around. Lie and I just don't want you at all. Come at me
Candace:just do it.
Nikki:Okay. So, but, but it is central to the gospel. And I think if we can get this piece right, more people will understand themselves, their brokenness, and actually it'll bring us back into alignment with God's word and his will and the way we're supposed to be running and walking towards Jesus. So the lie that we are being told and is like I think personally wrecking society the most is that we are good inside.
Candace:Yeah.
Nikki:You hear this all the time in therapy. If you do talk therapy at all, they're like, you're good inside. One of my favorite parenting people, actually I follow her cuz her parenting advice is good, but she's on the wrong par premise is Dr. Becky. She's got like probably a million followers, but her premise is that you're good inside. And so her centering comes on the belief that we are good inside. And. Actually opposite to what we are told in the word that we are not good inside. That we're wicked into pray beyond a cure. And that only Jesus, um, in the, and I, I honestly think this is true, like you have any little baby and little teenager and adult we're just like wicked beyond a cure., and I understand. That this is like a hard ideology because wickedness makes you maybe feel shame, but somehow you have to learn how to acknowledge that we are not good inside with also receiving the grace of God and releasing shame. So it makes sense why everyone's adopting this, we're good inside cuz it feels good and there is no shame. And then it seems healthier, but I, I don't know. How do we combat this? We're good inside. You know, you with Dr. Becky, like, you sit and you breathe and you're like, I'm good inside. It's okay. I don't know, like
Candace:I think it sounds like such a fad. For any Christian to grab onto that idea, I would say they're not thinking it through clearly cuz Right isn't. It's a fundamental Christian belief that we are not good cuz why else do we need Jesus? Because we are not good, we're sinful. So any Christian to believe it, I think is just not thinking it through, but for the world. Um, yeah, it's just our culture is very, mm, what's the word I wanna say?
Nikki:Wicked braved,
Candace:That's not, that's not where I was going, Nikki. That's not it. No, What I was gonna say is I think we're so focused on the way, like mental talk, the way we're talking to ourselves, so telling ourselves we're good is just a mental way to like lift yourself up. Maybe. Am I saying that? Well, I don't
Amy:Hmm,
Candace:Do you know what I'm saying? Like it is such a social thing right now that
Amy:It's mindfulness. It's mindfulness to be like, I'm good.
Candace:yes. So I could see why people would say that, but yeah, again, as a Christian, it just doesn't make any sense.
Amy:Yeah.
Nikki:it's scary though because I feel like the most of society is grabbing onto this. So it actually makes our job to tell people about Jesus harder because our, what's the word proselytizing, like telling people about Jesus is on the premise that we are wicked and you need a savior. So the more millions and billions of people around the world grab onto this ideology that I'm good inside. Like, what do you, what do you mean I'm a sinner? what are you saying? No, I, I'm good inside. We're getting rid of shame. We're getting rid of, I mean, I. Yes. We don't need to walk in sh I'm saying this all wrong. We don't want to live in shame, but the, the freedom comes through Christ. And so this belief that we're good, um, we don't need a savior if we are good inside So it's, I don't know, it's, it's everywhere. And when you try to tell people I'll be Jesus, and they're like, I'm good. I don't know what you mean. It's very scary.
Candace:It makes me think of, and I don't know if this is just an American thing, but it makes me think of that verse where Jesus says it's harder for a rich man to come to him than for a camel to go through the I the needle. Like is this just an American thing? Because in a general, our culture's very rich, and so I don't know, for us to just be like telling ourselves we're good and.
Amy:Yeah. I think a lot of us live in a world where we're like, well, we're not murderers. You know, like I, you know, I tip well and I try to be nice and I try not to judge you. Just sort of like, like I'm a generally good person. Even Christians live in this sort of place of like, I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm righteous pretty much.
Nikki:much.
Candace:Pretty.
Amy:and I mean, there's so many verses that say that's not true. Like, our righteousness is rags. That's the most obvious one. Right. David Lomis, a pastor out of San Francisco, he talks about on John 15, the true vine. And, and that verse about the passage about like how I am the true vine. And anyone who basically, if you wanna have life, you need to be attached to the, to the vine. And what does that tell us?
Nikki:tell us? There's
Amy:Life doesn't come from within us. The minute we're cut from the true vine, we are lifeless. So the tru vine comes from without, not from within.
, Matthew 19:17 says there's only one who is good and of course he's talking about God. So I think sometimes, especially in America, we live sort of morally and so that feels somehow like we're good.
Nikki:good.
Amy:if you spend any time considering what you're capable of, you start to realize the depth of your depravity. And this is something that Jordan Peterson, does a lot. He's a very interesting person because he's not a Christian. But he understands a lot of really important concepts. So he talks about just the ability to recognize what you're capable of. He interviewed someone who wrote a whole book about the Bible. And how it changed culture. We have, here's another lie, lie, we belief not about ourselves, but that the Bible was basically any time that people were, were, what's the word I'm looking for? Acquiring new, like coming in and conquer. Colonizing. Colonizing was, is a bad thing, especially because the Bible, well, this is a whole book about how while colonization may or may not have been good, it actually brought the Bible, which brought about, there's all these facts about like it brought about God's truth, which in turn brought about really good things. Anyway, that's a total aside. But in this book, this guy talks about living in India. He is Indian, the author, and he went out, he's a professor. They moved out to a village and They stopped by their neighbor's house and they noticed there was like this little two year old, about two years old, lying in the middle of the floor. Super emaciated, super weak looking flies all around. Her other kids were running around doing their chores or whatever, but this little girl was obviously dying and they said, Hey, what can we do? Do you need money for a hospital? Can we like tell us what you need to do? It's a long story, but the moral of the story basically is that they got her to the hospital more than once. Over the course of many months, they had to convince them pretty hardcore to do, to take any action and in the end she ended up dying. At. And what they came to realize about this village and many other villages in India is that if you have a little girl and you already have enough little girls, it's super normal to let your child die. And infanticide is just totally normal part of life because who needs more girls? What are they doing for you? and you have to think about like, if we had not grown up in suburbia America, what are we capable of?
Nikki:of?
Amy:We are capable of normalizing, killing or letting our own children starve to death. We're totally capable of that. If any of us had grown up in that village,
Candace:has taught us anything, history has taught us we're evil, hasn't it?, I feel like it has.
Amy:totally. But you don't think about, you don't realize the cultural implications of why it is you live so morally. you're super capable of believing just about anything or growing up any certain way, and that being totally normal and you acting on what is obviously so evil. So I don't know. It's a really good story just to illustrate like
Nikki:like it almost sounds like you're saying it's a social construct that like here Yeah. Like your morality is kind of dictated by where you live.
Candace:Yeah.
Nikki:we are technically a Christian, uh, in America base. So it makes sense that people would think that they, because they abide by certain moral code, that they're good
Amy:mm-hmm.
Nikki:But where did they, where did those come from? They came from, yeah.
Amy:The Bible. Yeah. That's a, that's kind of the whole point that this, that this book makes is like you don't understand the foundation that the Bible actually lays for culture and in cultures where it's not the found. Things are even worse, . But we're all capable of anything. That's what it comes down to.
Candace:I was gonna say, so bottom line is that's a lie. We are not good.
Nikki:Yes. Yes. Yeah. All that's to say, but it, I don't know why that one, I, I think it's just because everywhere I turn it's like you're, and like when you try to go to therapy, that's, that's why you should try to find a licensed Christian therapist. Cuz the second you go to therapy, they're like, you're good. And I'm like, no, I'm not I need, you're supposed to tell me I need Jesus and tell me how to fix this through Jesus. But it's fine., that's another story for another day. Christian counseling,
Amy:Yeah. Christian versus non-Christian counseling. That would be a super interesting one.
Nikki:Yeah.
Amy:Okay, so I sort of brought about the third lie, and it's really convoluted, so I'm gonna explain it because, oh, it's convoluted. Okay. So, uh, I co-own a business with my awesome dad. We've been doing this for over a decade.
Nikki:over 10, 15 years
Amy:and I have learned over the course of over a decade that if you're a woman in business, you just aren't gonna be immediately respected in the same way. And you are often going to come off if you have any sort of backbone, as if you have kids around. I'm sorry, you're going to come off as a bitch. That's just like a super normal.
Nikki:we'll put a warning on this one,
Amy:Yes. so my lie is that success equals being a boss bitch. That is a very normal American lie if you're successful, you're like ba, and you're hardcore and you have a really hard backbone and you're doing all the things and making all the money and like putting the kids with the nanny all the time, which I'm not trying to say is wrong in and of itself, but you get the point somehow we're supposed to be superwomen to be successful. You can't just well, I guess, so there's two, this is why it's convoluted. There's two things happening here. The first thing is, , we are under the impression that if we don't do all the things that we are not successful women in America. So Candy you've talked about what's it like to tell someone that you're a stay-at-home mom? They're like, oh, is that all? And you're
Nikki:oh
Amy:yeah, that's all. And it's incredible
Nikki:incredible . Yeah,
Amy:So there's this weird lie of like, if you're not doing all these things or running around like a crazy person, That somehow you're not successful. But the other lie is that if you're gonna be successful and be a BA boss, then you just have to accept that you are going to be a little bit catty and a little bit rude in meetings. And
Nikki:And
Amy:I don't know, there's, there's definitely a sense of like, you need to come off like a man or you're not holding your own. Does that make sense what I'm saying?
Nikki:that make sense?
Candace:Yeah, and
Nikki:Uh, yes.
Candace:I don't feel like I have as much room to talk in this lie because I haven't worked a full-time job in several years. But I, Amy, you were saying something before. I think the whole bad a thing is you can say the exact same thing as a man, but because he's a man, it's heard like, oh yeah, that's totally fine. Like he's giving us instruction. But then when as a woman, you say the exact same thing and the exact same sort of like sternness or whatever your.
Nikki:you're a.
Candace:I know. I don't want a witch, I'm gonna say a witch
Nikki:Which with the B
Candace:So
Nikki:some of my mom always says,
Candace:it's not fair. It's a double standard. You can't do the same things they do because as soon as you do, they're like, oh, you know?
Nikki:Yeah, I agree. I mean, I, we started, my business 10 years ago and I didn't, I didn't even make money at first because people would just, you know, I was a pushover and I was, I, I was raised to be very polite and very kind, and I could not stand my ground. When people would say, well, I want this, I. Down. And I, I was like, I don't even want to be this hard person. So I just gave it over to, I think I could have, but I just, my personality, I mean my, I was so into this Proverbs 31, the first lie that I was like, I can't, and, and as soon as I turned it over, he said the things that I. Could not say or wouldn't say, which, you know, I've, I've grown so much of a, yeah, I've grown more of a backbone since then. But it's true. I would say something and someone's like, no, I don't wanna pay that. And he'll be like, this is the price. And they're like, sure, sign me up.. , I, I don't even understand , like we said the same thing,
Candace:It's not fair, honestly. I, I, not from a job perspective, even from a parenting perspective, the way children respond to a man, a dad, so different from the way they respond to a woman, like it just is when I wipe. Very first job. I worked at a daycare. This was, oh my gosh, years ago when I was 16, and I often worked with the afterschool care, which was fine. I enjoyed it. But every now and again, the kids would get super rowdy and I knew beyond, like every time when I lost control of those kids, all I had to do was go down the hall and get one of my male coworkers and like that. Every time , they would shut up
Amy:Yeah, Well, what happened to me? So this morning I was like having this talk with God and I was like, so what? What happened to me in short is that I got called out publicly in a meeting from a bunch of other women who were being very manipulative because I said something with backbone and then, , they later, well, I'm not gonna go into detail just in case, but the point is there were, there were other conversations that were had and yeah. And it was very disrespectful to me. And so this morning I was having the conversation with God and I was like, I just wanna be vindicated. I want her to feel embarrassed for what she did. And God was like, so two things. First of all,
Nikki:of all.
Amy:first of all, the minute you think, and I heard this from a podcast, but it was like the exact same moment I was having this talk with God and I knew that he was telling me
Nikki:me, yes, that happens to me all the time,
Amy:I was like, fine. But he said, the minute that you think someone else needs more grace than you do, you're going down the wrong road. And so A i I E Amy, you need just as much grace as they do get off your high horse. And I was like, you're right. And then the other thing God said to me, I know it's not fair that you are not respected or seen in the same way that your male counterparts are in business. Suck it up.
Nikki:it up.
Amy:You're just gonna have to learn how to say things differently. You're gonna have to continue to to improve because the only way I can use you in these situations is if you do not create confrontation.
Candace:Yeah,
Amy:not fair, this is, and so it was definitely like this freeing this moment of like I to be successful. I actually.
Nikki:actually can.
Amy:Like show the love of Christ and have a backbone, but I don't have to be a witch about it. And if I'm gonna be perceived as being a witch, even if I'm not being witchy,
Nikki:being witchy,
Amy:I am just gonna have to find new ways and get smarter. And it was this moment of like, you're basically, you're called to something higher. So that's my convoluted lie that I was believing
Candace:Uh, you know, , I, this is a, a a a, a little tiny aside, a little tiny lie that we all are somehow fed because I think even as a little girl, I was told life isn't fair. But somewhere along the way, we all in our hearts feel that life should be fair, , but it's definitely not.
Amy:a good one, Candace.
Candace:not fair. It is what it is. Learn, yeah. Learn to work.
Nikki:It's crazy because, on Sunday at church, , Sharon was preaching about, uh, receiving blessing. And you know how we have the promise of,, the Deuteronomy 28 promise that, you know, the Lord will keep us and bless us and our lands and all the things will be blessed. But she was saying, it's kind of speaking to what you're saying, Amy, that we actually have to release the blessing by blessing those. are harming us. So , with those women, like yes, we can be combative, but actually doing what God did for us and giving grace. So, you know, like she gave this really cute story about how she had these girls being horrible to her when she was in grade school and when they were horrible to her. But she was just like, she just had such a heart for God at a young age. She would. Bless you, like, God bless you. And these girls got so angry, but at the end of the story, at the end of the story, this one little girl was healed from a headache. They said something horrible to her. And she said, in Jesus' name, bless you, and let your headache be gone. And this little girl sat quietly and never mocked her again. And so the, the, this is like a longer story. I'll, we can link. We can link that church service so people can hear that sermon. But it impacted me because basically I've had a lot of people it to be, a lot of times we believe lies that seem good, those women should be held accountable and I deserve this and the oh, oh name all the things. But the truth is we need to give grace or else we cannot receive the blessing. And it's not do it so that you can, it's just do it because
Candace:I mean, the Bible tells us that vengeance is his. So if, right. Even if we feel we are owned some sort of vengeance, it's not really ours to actually take, you know, it's, we have to trust that God will actually do that
Nikki:Yeah. And when we bless them, when we actually bless, when you bless those ladies, like you know, Lord, bless those, bless them. Let their, let their finances be blessed. Let their business be blessed. It will bless you. I don't know. It's weird. It's that upside down kingdom. I don't, it was, this is totally an aside, but it just reminded me of why, why we shouldn't believe the lies that we need. Justice like.
Amy:Yeah.
Candace:I think bottom line, we need to be in the word more and more because then we will we'll see and recognize the lies more. You know, studying the word, reading the word, all the things.
Nikki:love that way to bring it back. Yes.
Amy:There is definitely a sense of, Now, I can't remember who I was listening to. This wasn't a, this wasn't a, she reads truth. Maybe we even talked about it, but someone talking about like, God's reality in God's kingdom is reality. And when we keep our eyes on Jesus, we see reality. But when we are distracted, we're seeing not reality like we're seeing our world, but that's not our reality. Our reality is Jesus. And that's why you have to keep your eyes on him because you have to see reality as like you have to see things as they really are, which is God's kingdom., Anyway, it's just an interesting, I had never like heard that interpretation of why we gotta like keep our eyes on Jesus, and I love that. It's the same thing with being in the word, like keeping our eyes on Jesus is like being constantly renewed about what's true and.
Nikki:true.
Candace:I've been doing, the Bible recap with my other Bible study and it's been really good. I don't know if you guys know what that is. It's., reading the Bible through in a year, and this woman does little tiny commentaries every day about like the little bit of scripture we've been reading. Her name is Tara Cobble, I think., anyways, so just today I was meeting with my Bible study we were talking about, and one of the women said, kind of what you were saying, Amy, like our, our. Are actually way more spiritual than what we realize because we're here in the physical and we get so distracted by the physical. But when we keep our eyes on Jesus, we are spiritual beings. Like we have these souls and we're meant for something more, like something spiritually, you know, and, and, but the physical is very distracting. That is what we see all day, every day. So
Nikki:I love that. Well, cause when we, when we're seeing people that way, we see ourselves that way we can combat every lie. Every single last one. I love that. Good stuff guys.
Amy:we have a couple more lies. One, which I think is something that maybe only women understand, maybe men to some men, but just the lie that we're too much,
Candace:Yeah, this one resonates with me the most. I think this is, for me personally, of all the lies we've talked about, this is one that I have struggled with the most in my life. I'm that I'm
Nikki:Tell us. Share. I wanna hear it.
Candace:Um, I, it's just, , I can be very loud, I can be very opinionated., I, I can be aggressive. All sorts of things. And when you, . Growing up in church, I think what we were all taught, or at least what I believed was that women, good women are virtuous. Women are, are meek. And that is the thing that I have always struggled to find in myself, any sort of meekness. So I've always struggled with feeling like, yeah, I. Too much. That has always been a struggle for me personally.
Nikki:which is actually interestingly enough, our names are the lies that we believe about us. Our intros,
Amy:True
Candace:you're right.
Amy:Yeah. Yeah,
Nikki:the too much, the too honest
Amy:Mm-hmm.. Yep.
Nikki:too emotional. So crazy.
Amy:Yeah, that is interesting.
Nikki:realized that
Candace:That's so funny.
Amy:has not been lost on me, but I think it's funny anyway, but Candy like too much is not how I would ever describe you
Nikki:you. Same.
Amy:yeah, that's a super interesting. That's a lie. This lie goes., Candace: I was gonna say, I think you know, the way we grew up. So not only what we learned in church, but also I was the oldest of five kids and. I think I was maybe always a lot. I don't know, for my parents, maybe, I don't know. And my siblings, it's something right deep, somewhere in me. It's like a subconscious message that someone subconsciously was telling me
Nikki:So I, it just made me think I've been doing this life model book. It's basically, it's called The Essentials of Christian Living. And it's about, it's Christian therapy, . It's about like how the lieser are spoken at certain ages in our life, become our truths., and the only way we can break those lies. In relationship and having people combat the lie with truth, you basically have to experience safety over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, . And so us actually being in community, Where people are like you. I love when you're so excited. Oh my gosh. I love when you're honest. Like experiencing safety repeatedly is the only way to actually form what, so what we've experienced are fear bonds. We've learned that we are incorrect, but really, God created you. To not experience that he made you that way and he loves you that way. So yeah, that's why community and adoption, spiritual adoption, like how we are sisters and we speak truth to each other over and over and over again, little by little, we are transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Candace:Yeah, I, one of the scriptures that I have learned to love, \, in com, combating this life for myself, is I think it's Psalm 1 39, verse 14, and it says, I will, I will praise the Lord for am fearfully and wonderfully made. How marvelous are your works? And my soul knows very. It's just a good reminder. You have to combat any of these lies like God made me, God made us so specifically and so intentionally. And his works are good,
Amy:Yeah, but not good in the inside way. We were just talking about
Candace:right?
Amy:good in the way that God's good at creating stuff.
Nikki:It's a very fine line. This is what the enemy loves. The enemy loves those little like, oh, I tricked you. Those little adjacent truths or not truths. It's crazy. And then that one, this one's really similar to that last lie, that the lies that people speak, or I guess it's similar. You know, we believe it, but oftentimes we believe it because people spoke it over us. I was sharing before that one of my very first experiences with the pastor was, I remember I went to pray and the pastor said, can you never be silent? And I had never, I. prayed out loud in the and so I be in instantly believed that I was too much, that I was too loud, that I was not capable. And this, this was like probably 25 years ago, and it came out this past week when I was leading worship, I was leading worship and all of a sudden I. The thought entered that I was, I could never be silent and immediately believed it. And I was immediately silent and it, it was just so crazy how I allowed that lie to come in. But a afterwards I was able to process with the past my pastor, like, Hey, that's not true. God did not tell you to be silent. So that is a lie that you made an agreement with. So how so then you actually have to repent and break the agreement that we've made. So all the, if you guys are listening to this and like, wow, I'm believing all these lies, you actually have to renounce it. Repent and break. The agreements we've made with those lies, otherwise they still have power over us. That was a 25 year lie that I just let, isn't that crazy man? Power in words.
Candace:Oh, there definitely is. Power of life and death in the tongue.
Nikki:Yeah.
Amy:I remember one of the first times I talked to you, , Nikki, we were like backstage ready to go on, and you were upset about something and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm, you probably said something like, I'm too much or I'm something. And I was like, no, you're delightful. And I remember your look on your face was like, what? I am
Nikki:I still, I journaled that. I still remember that day. Oh,
Amy:I, I remember it. I remember it only because. It was one of those moments where like you do something or you say something and you realize, oh, my words have a lot of power. I should work on saying more nice things to people that are true. You know, like for me it was impactful in a different way because look on your face was like, whoa, I didn't realize something I said. So nonchalantly would like be, would mean something so much. But
Nikki:was a paradigm shift and it was something that I had to go back to the source of where I started to believe the things I was speaking. Renounce and break ties with them, and then in truth and safety with people who say, you're delightful relearn, you know, The truth. That's why community is really important.
Candace:I think all three of us in this podcast., we have big personalities and I don't think that's a mistake. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's a beautiful thing and I think God made us this way, but I could definitely see why any of the three of us would struggle with thinking we're too much.
Amy:Yeah.
Candace:I just put those in quotes. I, I keep forgetting people can't see.
Nikki:I
Amy:Yeah. I've been trying to sitting, you're trying to think of lies. I feel like people have spoken over me. I'm sure there are many. I need to go do some introspective like,
Candace:What is something someone has said over me?
Amy:I'd be like more self-aware.
Candace:Well, and sometimes like Nikki, I think you said it was what, like 25 years ago or? No, I can't remember
Nikki:years ago.
Candace:so you weren't like dwelling on it all this time, but it was in you because this Sunday that that came back. You know what I'm saying? So it's not that when we're told these lies, we don't always do well on them, but somewhere in there, it's there. And
Nikki:I had never, I didn't even remember that he said it until my, pastor was like, that's a lie. Like, why are you believing that? And she's like, you need to ask the Holy Spirit. And as soon as she said, you need to ask the Holy Spirit, that memory came and I was like, oh my gosh, this happened. And I agree, like in my spirit, I made an agreement and I've been silent many times. But praise God.
Candace:Well, he was like someone, uh, in authority. And I think often Nikki not just you, a lot of peoples hears something from someone in authority and instead of. Questioning it, which I think is super healthy. We accept it. We're like, oh, well this person knows more than me. This person is an authority. Like, yes, this must be true. That's not true. People in authority are human
Nikki:you know, um, I've noticed that, , Pastor Sharon and Pastor Dale at Glasgow Farm, they're very careful about saying you statements. Um, and I've realized looking back in journaling and as I'm going through the life model that I've had a lot of pastors say, you do this and you struggle with. This and you, you, you putting their perceived ness on me. And they are very much like parent figures and people that you look up to. And so if you're not healed or if you have trauma or even if you're a healthy individual, people speaking you, statements over you is incredibly powerful for good or for bad. Um, and so I'm having to go back now and it it's, it's a lifetime. Again to experience safety., and that's okay. Like we're that what, what the enemy meant for harm. God will use for good. And I can have grace for the people that did it because they're broken and hurting too. You know, like we, you know,
Candace:We're all a work in progress. Yeah.
Nikki:Yeah. Yeah. And so it's so much better to give grace. Um, but we don't have to believe the lies. Let
Amy:It's interesting, something I've been really conscious of with my kids is, like if I'm thinking in my head, which I've, I have like a big, like, I don't know, a thing about internal dialogue. I've always been really careful about my internal dialogue. I don't know where that came from or who taught me to do that. So I don't think things about my kids that are highly negative often, like I'm really careful about, like, I don't have like a dialogue inside my head. Like, you're being so annoying. You're such a brat. Right.
Nikki:a brat. Right.
Amy:Again, I dunno where that came from, but
Nikki:I struggle with that actually.
Amy:Yeah, well I think it's super common. I just think for someone, I'm sure someone somewhere was like, this is good. And then I worked on it. I just dunno. Anyway. I'm also really careful about the way that I talk about my kids or to my kids. And I think as parents it's easy to. Say like, you know, you're being annoying or you're annoying, or like, those kinds of things. And I think it can be impactful to like, for your child to never hear that outta your mouth, you know, like that could be meaningful later. It's a theory I have cuz I only have four year olds and I wouldn't know. But
Nikki:dunno, but
Amy:I just realized that's something I'm really careful about.
Nikki:I can tell you that's true because I've only learned now I have a 13 and a 10 year old, and I have, I, I had a, I had critical parents Love you guys. They're working on it. So I have been a critical parent and it is toxic and it does hurt them. So now I've had to do the, you know, Help them experience safety and like, you know what, that wasn't fair because you our words, it, it absolutely, it absolutely. There's a lot of child psychology to back that up. So way to go and, um, pray for my kids., there's, there's hope.
Candace:Uh, I
Nikki:why are you doing this
Candace:oh my gosh, when my kids were little all the time, I used to say really calmly, you are making me crazy And I can remember hearing Selah say that to the boys when she was like, little, like maybe four. Like, we're making mom crazy. Yes, yes, you are
Amy:Sometimes my kids say, mom, why did you size so loud? You know
Nikki:so they recognize
Amy:be like,
Candace:making
Amy:yeah. Oh, they they know. Like, mom, you seem frustrated,
Candace:Mm-hmm.
Amy:I am. Very frustrated.
Candace:Yes.
Amy:It's fine.
Nikki:That's so funny. That's so
Candace:human. It's, you know.
Amy:Kids know. Oh yeah. Kids can pick up on it.
Nikki:I say that kind of stuff a lot, like, you're making me crazy or you're making me angry. But through a little bit of introspection, I've been going back and being like, you didn't make me this way. I chose to get this way, but however I have preferences and when this, you know, because we love people. If you know their preference, you can try, but they're. Like, it's like anything in marriage or parenting or friendship, you know, like candy. You and I have had a lot of things where I'm like, because you are very honest, like, and I am very sensitive. You are so gracious to me. Like I don't have to be angry at you. I can be like, Hey, that hurts me. And I know that your heart to me isn't to hurt and, but because you know my preferences, you speak to. A certain way. And so that's all that is. I, you know, like we can speak to people with grace when we know their preferences, but we also have to control how, you know, we don't, we don't get angry. We're like, you, that hurt. This is why we have to do the self work. It's turned into a therapy podcast, but lots of therapy. So
Amy:Well, I mean
Nikki:the lies we believe is therapy Talk
Amy:Yeah. Like when you believe things about yourself that aren't true, like those can have more shall and more deep consequences. And if they're deep, you know, I think it's super cool that you're arming yourself.
Nikki:you're arming
Amy:This information, you know what I mean? Like, and you're applying it yourself with your kids. I mean, that's incredible. Like that's
Nikki:Thanks Ron. I love you
Amy:commitment,
Nikki:Oh, a lot of sa but you guys are part of that helping me experience safety, and speaking truth. So thanks for being my adoptive spiritual
Candace:So here's our takeaway from today. Read the Bible, be in the word, surround yourself with really good, you know, Christian loving women who will speak life and truth into you.
Nikki:Amen. I agree with all those things. This is not a, you're gonna hate us. There's your, this is good. This is good truth. You're gonna love us . You're
Amy:unless you really thought you were good inside, in which case, so sorry.
Nikki:yes. You're gonna hate us, but
Amy:you're gonna love us
Nikki:us
Amy:Bye guys.
Nikki:Bye.