Episode 54: Take Care of Your Body

Hello and welcome to another episode of Stairway to Redemption!

This week my guest is Elijah Hines, a personal and fitness coach from Raleigh NC. In this episode we are discussing the benefits of fitness for personal development beyond physical health. Also on the menu, dieting. Is it truly necessary? Finally we mention the touchy subject of masculinity and what it means to be a man. Enjoy!

Elijah's social handles

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@oakcitystrong5605
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/oakcitystrong

Transcript

Benyi: 0:05

Hi, my name is Benny Johnson. As some of you know, I've been struggling with addiction. However, I decided to change my life and went into recovery. I started this podcast 90 days clean and I want to take you along in my journey. What does lie ahead of me? Let me be frank. I do not know. Will I ever drink again? I do not know. This is how Stairway to Redemption was born. It is my search for answer in a real time process of what is going to work for me. It is then my aspiration to help you figure out what is going to work for you. It is our journey together. All right. Right. Right. Welcome back to another episode of stairway to redemption. Uh, this week, my guest is Raleigh, North Carolina, personal coach, personal and fitness coach. Elijah Hines, with him, we're going to talk about the impact of physical health on, uh, on personal development. We're going to talk also about his views on dieting. And finally, his take on masculinity and what it is, what it means to be a man today. So without further ado, I give you guys Elijah. Elijah, how are you doing?

Elijah: 1:49

I'm doing great, man. Thanks for having me, buddy.

Benyi: 1:51

Yeah. All right. Thank you for being the guest on the stairway to redemption. So first things first State of the mind address tell us something. Uh, what's your state of mind lately?

Elijah: 2:02

My state of mind lately is the state of gratitude for What is I have a very big vision for my life for my family's life where everything's going You And a few months ago, I was so obsessive with that vision that I was losing gratitude for the current state of things. And it really messed me up. My wife and I would have an eight month old son. Uh, he's doing great. Like there's so many wonderful things that are happening in the now. I'm a, I mean, I'm an entrepreneur. I, everything that I do is under my own name, right? So I, there's so many things to be grateful for, but I was so excited for what's next, what's next, what next? I kind of lost sight of that. So lately these last few months, I've just been tapping into gratitude for where we are and all the good things that are going on.

Benyi: 2:51

All right. Yeah. I mean, like that's such like sometime. The word gratitude is sometimes overused, but like, it's, it's so easy to, I feel like to lose track of being truly grateful for what we have. And, you know, because we also thought to like pursue more and more and more and more and not enjoy, but yeah, that's, you make me even think that I should be grateful for whatever, all that I have right now, you know, take a moment to embrace it. But, um, yeah, thank you for sharing that.

Elijah: 3:26

All right. Definitely. Grat gratitude is a, it's a skill. Like people look at positive people and they just think, Oh, that's just the way they are, but it has to be practiced like anything else. And I'll say I generally am naturally a positive person, but even myself, if I don't make a habit of reminding myself, Hey, we have running water, there's food in the fridge, good things are happening now. Like it's very easy to become ungrateful. So it has to be practiced just like anything else.

Benyi: 3:53

No, you're totally right about that. You know, it's like, uh, it's like a muscle. It needs to be developed, you know, because it's easy to think, uh, like, I think you said it in, uh, an interview I read about you, you can read all the books you want on like gratitude, positivity and everything, but like the guy who just woke up one day and was self aware that he needs, they need to practice, it will definitely be. The one who be closer to, you know, to actually, uh, self actualization or, you know, because unfortunately we do have a lot of people who read a lot of books, but who are not aware of the quality. Yeah. And when you say that, that was very profound.

Elijah: 4:38

Yeah. I actually have a. A new thing that I do, where if I don't use what I learned in the most recent podcast and the most recent, uh, motivational video, I'm like, I'm not allowed to go to the next one until I like fully absorb what just went in. Because I feel like if that ratio gets off and get a little weird, like, if your ratio of personal development content, you consume 2 actions that you take is like this. That can set up a weird present where you're almost like addicted to personal development. So I go, next video, next video, next topic. They say, wait a minute, you hadn't used that one from like a year ago. Like really, I mean, this conversation we're going to have right now. By the time this video, this, by the time this video is over, if someone really just sat with it and really went over it line by line, they could get more taking notes. You know what I mean? Like a lot of these things, we just kind of, everything's so quick. I got, I got, I got YouTube red where it skits the ads, right? Like as soon as the video ends, the next one's already loading up. I don't even have to hit anything. It's crazy. And I'm like, Oh, another one. Oh, another one. Oh, another one. And, uh, yeah, being aware of that's key. It's key.

Benyi: 5:43

No, I mean, I'm totally there with you. That's why I deactivated the auto play on my YouTube channel, because I listen to like those great podcaster, like, uh, a diary of a CEO or Rich Roll or like Chris Williamson and their interview are like two hours long. And after it's done, the thing auto plays to another two hours. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. I even forgot who the guest was. Like, you know, like, uh, I like also what I found myself doing is, Whoever guest is on that podcast and has a book, buy the book and read it, you know, because it's one thing to listen to the podcast of the person and, you know, a, a great guest usually I believe, don't promote the book on their podcast. They have a regular discussion with the guy. You know, like, I'm always aware or like, how do you say it? Um. I think you should be beware of the guest or whatever guest who just say like, Oh, according to my book, if you look in the documentary, if you look in that chapter, I'm like, okay, that guy is trying to sell me something. But a person who has having a discussion, I'm like, huh? I want to learn more about like, you know, um, the thought process. I'm going to buy the book letter and read it myself. You know, that's usually my, my, but I'm totally there with you. We've like that. We can, we definitely tempted, uh, as human beings and people who listen to podcasts to like, just consume, consume. And I'll take the time to try to apply it, but yeah, yeah, 100%. All right. So, yeah. Tell us your story. Uh, how did you become a fitness personal coach and yeah,

Elijah: 7:31

yeah. As far as the fitness goes. I started working out when I was 18, 19 was always chubby as a kid and a young adult mess with my confidence when I finally took the leap. Um, I mean, it changed my life. I don't think anything like, like, we'll get into shortly personal development. I'm all in on it on. What do you do outside of the gym? Meditation, mindfulness practice. Like I have a ton of things that I do everyday, right? Nothing has as much of a profound effect as training, as getting after in the gym. Completely changed my life. I knew very early on, I was like, I need to go into this field, like I need to be involved in this. In this ecosystem, right? So I've had known that I wanted to do it for many, many years and because of some of the negative vices that will that we'll talk about. I had, uh, some confidence issues. I guess you could say really pulling the trigger on it. So it took years and years and years for I finally. Got certified and started training people and uh, you know, once I didn't enter the field it all worked out Because I spent a lot of years in hospitality managing restaurants and stuff like that Okay, and what what that allowed me to do was get very comfortable with large crowds with the diverse range of people, right? So when it was time for me to get on the gym floor, I was very comfortable with different ages male female whatever and I kind of noticed some of the people that Uh person persona being personable aspect was So I've been working out that I waited as long as I did. But yeah, I've been coaching for five years, uh, was running out of a private gym for three years. And then, uh, recently I'm out on my own training independently out of a, uh, Facility, Oak city strong is the name of my coaching service and training out of this gym archetype and rally is going really well. So,

Benyi: 9:18

oh, okay. That's awesome. So you have your own facility now.

Elijah: 9:22

So I, uh, rent space out of the facility and then applies. It's all under my name. So it's really like a dream scenario for a trainer because. Beyond that is totally up to me getting new clients. Everything's through me, how I want to run it, how I want to train them. So,

Benyi: 9:36

yeah, that's awesome. So like you can pick and choose your clients and stuff, right? Like that's, uh, that's great. Um, but yeah, like how do you, um, what's your process like? I mean, I don't know, you say like, yeah, it's now for, I think two or three years you've been on your own. Um, what phase of your business are you in? Are you in a phase where like, you know, you try to get as many people or you, as you can, or you are selective or who you want to train. Yeah.

Elijah: 10:11

That's funny you say that in my mind, I'm like, Hey, I can, I can be selective now. I can afford to do that. But at the end of the day, if I have the space available, even if it's not like my ideal client, I'd probably, I'd probably take them. I don't really see myself turning someone away unless, unless they were just like, An asshole or something or there's a really weird energy exchange like knowing that I do have the freedom to say Hey, I don't think this is working out You know what I mean? Versus if you're somewhere else, it's like you kind of have to you can't really say that So it is cool that I had that freedom, but I don't really see that ever coming up. Um, Even the type of clients I attract, uh, it's always it's always a good energy exchange. I mean i've worked with Probably over a thousand people by now. And I can count on one hand, the number of people where I was like, I could go without that. So like 90, 90, 90, 90, 95 percent of the clients I work with are amazing. We hit it off. Um, it's really interesting working in restaurants. I saw the law of attraction take place with like people's sections. Like it would be the, it would be the server with the worst attitude that was expecting to have a city night. They would have the worst tables. They'd get the worst tips and I would see these like self fulfilling prophecies. I think it's so interesting Being a trainer at the last gym. I was that even the type of clients each trainer would get It always said, I even said to, to one of my other trainers one time, I was like, have you noticed that like everyone that works with so and so it's like, that kind of makes sense. And then everyone that works with so and so over there, you're like, yeah, it's like weirdly fitting. Like, so for that, for that reason, and just the way I train my mind and the kind of people that I pull into my life, it's always, it's always good people.

Benyi: 11:52

No, I, uh, I, I, I'm definitely with you on that. I noticed that too. Like, you know, like, uh, I go to a gym, a commercial gym. And yeah, I noticed that like the pairings are usually, usually like you describe based on energy and wavelength, because like, you know, like they need to be a certain level of trust for a person to teach somebody else something, you know, like. Also a certain level of vulnerability, I will say, like, you know, especially with your body, with our body, because like, you know, you need to be vulnerable and believe that the other person knows what they're doing in order for you to achieve, you know, a better, um, a better, like, uh, a better state, you know. Um, yeah, but like, it's funny you say that about the energy and like the people, uh, the matching, because my question, my next question is around that. Like, you know, I don't know how he was when you were like working in the gym. But I feel like the fitness community now is run by extremists. Like, you know, you have on one side, the people who are like, Oh, I want to lift heavy to build my brain or like, you know, to build my brain on social media or to have this deal, you know, to have record myself. And you know, those like extreme were like influencers. Here we go. Okay. And on the other side, you have the people who vent the merits of body positivity. To the extent of accepting, um, unhealthy weights, like, you know, um, but I want, I want to know what's, what's your take first on the people who let's take one extreme first, the people who are like all about building their brand, you know, their social media presence, want to be influencers. What's your experience with that?

Elijah: 14:00

Yeah, it's it's tough because at the end of the day it works like When when you're scrolling you're not sitting there like really analyzing do I like this I do i'll stay or i'm okay Like we're going so fast. Yeah, so when you see something eye catching like just a Freaking nature, right? If they're well 200 pounds and they're lean and veins are popping up through the neck and they're doing something crazy Like you're way more likely to stop Then if they look, you know, kind of average, even, even the way I train, I know is kind of like to my detriment, as far as getting views and stuff. Like I do everything really slow and controlled. All my pull ups are always dead hang positive the bottom, right. And then I'll see other people just kind of like bouncing in that, bouncing in and out. And for the sake of seeing it on camera and being like, Oh, you're kind of like moving with it. Like, I know my shit would look a little better if I basically, I use like worse technique. But i'm like, fuck it. I have I have values. I know what works best. Like i'm not gonna Do something goofy on camera and then train a different way Which I know there's a lot of that like you'll see these hot chicks and they're like, oh Yeah It's like there's no way there's no way that's a hard set. There's no way Like if that is your real workout, then you're leading games on the table or you're doing that for the camera Then if the camera's off she's like I gotta go work out for real. So something's going on there. But uh, yeah, it's really interesting um So, I mean, as far as lifting heavy, I'm all about it. I mean, as far as, as far as getting after it and as long as the reps are quality, I'm definitely not anti heavyweight or anything, but yeah, it is a, it is interesting state of affairs.

Benyi: 15:36

No, but you, you write on the money and I think we share the, the, the same position here. Like, I believe there are like some people who go to the gym to record, have the record set to make it like catchy popping, you know, like we even with, uh, somebody did some shake camera and stuff. Like, you know, the girls who want to like, Oh, I'm working on back. And then the camera is focused on their ass. Like, I'm like, they do pull that downs, man. Pull that downs. It's supposed to be focused on the shoulder, but somehow the ass is on the picture. I don't get it. You know, like, um, we're going to talk about that later because I feel like it has to do with the community. But like, um, yeah, uh, there's definitely, I do believe that some people, because like those people look great. So when do I wonder myself, when do they really work out? Like, because what they're doing, like you said, that must be living gain on the table. But like, um, what about the other side of that coin? The people who are like, uh, you know, all about, I feel like nowadays it's a bit risky to Even with celebrities who are like overweight to tell them, yeah, she's a great singer, but hey man, she's not, she doesn't have a healthy weight. You know, like I'm not, I'm not, if she's comfortable, if that singer is comfortable in that way, power to her. But to say that like, she's great, she's healthy. No, like, well, what's your stance on that? When people want to promote body positivity to the point of, uh, unhealthiness.

Elijah: 17:15

Oh, it's fucking crazy.

Benyi: 17:17

Yeah

Elijah: 17:18

It's not it's it's not positive. Yeah, being in worse being in worse health is inherently negative Yeah, even the even the phrase of it is is completely insane But it's kind of funny talking about lifting heavy and then the body Positivity aspect. Like for me back in the day, I had gotten so addicted to lifting heavy. I got really into power lifting training. Uh, I got into like Mark Rippetoe strength training gallon of milk a day. And I always struggled putting on good weight and actually like being pretty muscular. So I was like, this must be the way, like basically I had convinced myself as a natural, the only way to get freaky big and strong. Is just to throw being lean out the window just eat as much as you can and get as big as possible And I did I got freaking huge. I got like up to 219 23 body fats. It was a very soft doughy 219 it wasn't some veins popping situation, right? Yeah But I was so focused on the lifting heavy that I was willing to look past what was in the mirror. And I was like, yeah, but who cares? Like we're getting after it. I'm still working out, you know, health consequences. I think they're so far away. It's out of sight, out of mind. If your doctor was calling you every week saying, no, seriously, this is a problem. Your, your, uh, blood pressure's off your cholesterol. If it was a weekly reminder, it'd be like, oh man, I can't, I can't escape this. But it's so out of sight and in mind to be your doctor visit. They're not going to pressure you. They're going to say, you should probably lose some weight. And then you see him again in a year and they're like, well, you should probably lose some weight. It's too, it's too far away. So, so for me, The health thing wasn't really a concern. Um, and I do see a lot of that in the lifting community. I see a lot. And again, if I literally did it, so I can only judge so much, but now that I'm on the other side of it, I feel like I woke up from a bad dream. So I'm like, why did I allow myself to look so terrible? Like, forget the health stuff. I looked. Terrible. I looked awful. I'm spending all this time in the gym. I'm even tracking my calories. So it's not a total lack of discipline with, with tracking one. And I was manually logging in 4, 000 calories and 500 grams of carbs. Like the numbers were absurd and, um, all, all just chasing some heavy lifts and lifting heavy is fun. It's very exciting. Getting me one of the maxes on squats and Delos, all that stuff. I still love it. But when that becomes not the one priority, but the only priority and your health goes out the window, you don't even look like you work out. It's like, what are we doing here? So it's kind of crazy.

Benyi: 19:52

Yeah, that's true. So like, how would you approach, you know, somebody that, you know, our client and no matter how much they can lift. But you look at them and you're like, yo, you're not healthy. Like what's, what's the best approach to convey to somebody that

Elijah: 20:12

they're not healthy. It's really tough. I, uh, it's funny we're doing this podcast. I post a lot of videos speaking on these topics and a part of me feels like it's almost all in vain in the sense that. Everyone has to hit that point of realization on their own. It's my hope that these are little nudges and little reminders and kind of waters that seed right, or plants the seed and gets them thinking about it. But it really does seem like people have to hit that rock bottom moment, or maybe they step on the scale one day and they're like, okay, I didn't know I was. Never going to get that big because people, people are really set in their own ways. I mean, I talked to a lot of clients, have talked to a lot of clients over the years that are overweight and they're, they're so content with it. It's, it's crazy. Very little sense of urgency, very little sense of you're right. This is a problem. Like they're just okay with it. And I was okay with it. I had, I had people give me little nudges. That's really what it, what it took for me was like. A motherfucker screaming at me like no this is a problem and it kind of like woke me up like I feel like We need to like dump a bucket of cold water then be like it's a problem They're like, oh shit. It is like everyday life. It's just so Running the mill have a routine. Yeah, it could be better Whatever like it's it's not the end of the world and people just kind of are milling around. Um, not a very uh inspiring answer No, it really does seem like people need that come to jesus mama with themselves You Maybe, maybe it's a group photo and they're like, I have 17 shins. Like I didn't know it had gotten to that point where they're like trying to hide behind people and get out of the way. And they're like, this is down. Why, why, why am I having to do this? And then maybe that along with, with us, uh, talking about what we're talking about here, maybe those things combined will eventually snap someone out of it. It's really, it's really tricky.

Benyi: 22:09

No. Yeah, it is a tricky because I'm thinking about it too. Like, you know, like, um, I think it has to be a mixed combination. First, I think the. Depends of the degree of affinity you have with the person you want to wake up. Like, you know, that's why sometime I'm like, is a trainer the best person? Because depending on the degree of affinity between a trainer and the client, the trainer, the honesty level switch to also the other thing that. Works against those people who are like, you know, putting blinders on themselves is there's always somebody out there to tell you that your shit doesn't smell like when people are overweight and like, Oh no, I'm plus size. Uh, I think there's a upper limit to plus size. I don't know what it is, but like if a person is obese, If a person is anorexic, they're anorexic. Like, you know, like people can people now, I feel like I have options to not listen to the truth if they know that the truth is going to hurt them. What's. You know, what's your take on that?

Elijah: 23:26

Yeah. Yeah. People think obese is 400 pounds. It's not. Most people, and BMI is even getting thrown out. And I, I subscribed to this too. Like I heard Joe Rogan saying, according to the BMI, I'm obese. And because I work out, I was like, okay, BMI is out. We're not, we're not using it anymore. 90 percent of people, BMI is still legit, but you, you would have to be bursting out the seams with lean mass for it to actually be off. So most people based on your sex, your height and your age, there's a range, exactly like you said. Underweight. That's no good. Good weight. Okay. That's good. And overweight. Yeah. But they think overweight is my 600 pound life. Like food addiction, donuts and milkshakes like, well, not that bad. Yeah. It's like. You don't even have to be that heavy to start getting some of these negative health outcomes later in life and to technically be obese. I don't think it's as crazy as people think it is, but even that charts. Ratings, grades, all that stuff people have an issue with, like, you'd like it to be vague and fluid. And well, maybe this is just my good way. No, good way. It is good way. It's not this flexible. Well, for me. No, not for you. Not for anyone. Like if you're this height you weighed this much It's a problem. Yeah, and even if they're like, well, I didn't choose my height I didn't decide to be five five who cares It's a problem. That's the other problem or it's not if it's a problem Let's fix it and it's the thing when you get to your like good weight Uh, the shit you can get away with is actually pretty crazy. Like yeah the last the last few months for me it's almost Been like a negative and backfire like i've admittedly gone off a lot I'll have a milkshake here and there if my wife wants five guys. I'm like screw it Let's get five guys. Then the next day i'll be like dude. I still look pretty fucking good. Yeah, I just had like 2000 calorie dinner so Not that I'm promoting going off the rails all the time, but once you get to your good body weight, as long as you stay active, stay hitting your steps, stay lifting, you actually have a lot of freedoms to, like, quote unquote, get away with eating a certain way. So, it's gonna take 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, depending on how far you've let yourself go. Get to that good body weight, a reasonable body fat percentage, and then enjoy your life. It's actually, it's to your benefit. Now you get the best of both worlds. You get to look in the mirror and be like, oh, that's pretty cool. And you get to enjoy yourself every now and again, eating out or whatever the case may be. So, yeah, everyone just needs to do it. Yeah, I know, I guess. Going back to what you said before, like, what I would say to someone, the biggest thing I tell people is no one has ever gotten jacked and regretted it, not once. Yeah. Not once. And they'll say, I knew this one guy, he had an eating disorder. He was having 500 calories a day. Well, that's stupid. We're not talking about that. We're not talking about making money. Terrible decisions to like get to this body weight. We're talking about intelligent macros intelligent training Intelligent cardio not cardio three hours a day and and you're starving just your normal amount 30 to 45 minutes Yeah, two to five times a week like what's required is not that crazy But people look at extremes and they say I don't know if i'm I don't want to sign up for all that Yeah, exactly in the first place

Benyi: 26:46

No, you're right. Like people look at extremists. Oh no, I don't want to do that. When like the perfect answer is somewhere in the middle of people. That's what I said earlier. Like, I feel like the, the community is run by extremists, but like, before we, we come back to the, um, to the fitness stuff, like, uh, you talk about balance and stuff. So let's talk about alcohol and drugs. So what your relationship is with alcohol?

Elijah: 27:14

Yeah, non existent right now. I'm glad to say. Okay. Um, I stopped drinking early 2023. I want to say, I want to say it was January or February. Pretty sure it was February. And for me, I, I didn't, the reason I can't remember it to the T, I didn't make it this like flag, uh, in the mountaintop. I'm sober now, sobriety, yada, yada. I just knew that it had It's been a problem for way too long and I was losing a lot of weight. I saw how hard it was to lose weight with it in my system, even occasional on the weekends. So I walked away from it. But before that, for many, many years, I was always torn on consuming. I was like, is this the best thing I say? I really care about the gym and my results. And I know for, for a fact, it's not a opinion. It's not a theory. 100 percent fact, it is taking away from anyone's efforts in the gym. And then I would still do it and then I would be hung over and have a shitty workout. If I had a really shitty workout now, I'm definitely drinking. Cause now I'm pissed because I'm addicted to working out and having good workouts. So now I'm like going to the ABC store while pre workout still on my system. Cause I'm pissed that I didn't get my lift or whatever. And then that night I'll be lit up, drawn on the whiteboard, like my next master plan. Oh, this will be the best 12 week program ever. Like it was, it was a crazy psychotic, uh, vicious cycle. And it was, it was a big part of leaning even harder into personal development, walking away from it, just thinking if I'm so torn about it, that's really the answer right there. I'm never torn about doing something nice for my wife. I never have mixed feelings about getting after in the gym. Oh, do I really want to have a great workout like positive things that are nearly positive? We don't second guess. We don't overthink it. We don't have these mixed feelings when it came to alcohol. I almost always had mixed feelings. Um, so my my own Struggles with it even when it was At an extreme it wasn't me waking up in a ditch what happened and the cops are there It never got to that point because like I said, i've been in the gym for a decade. So there was always a Enough of a deterrent. Uh huh Where it didn't get that crazy, but even still it uh, you know I mean, it was certainly a big contributor to why I got up to 219 in the first place. As soon as, as soon as it was in my system now, I'm eating things that I didn't plan on eating, saying things that I didn't plan on saying, doing things that I didn't plan on doing. The fact that it alters your free will to the degree that it does became a big red flag for me because I was, I kept thinking, I'll just find my system where I can still partake it. But I have control over it. Yeah. And it doesn't, it doesn't exist because even two to three drinks, now you're not the same motherfucker. You can have the, you can have the best intentions in the world. Two, three drinks in now they're different. Now you're like maybe four drinks, maybe five drinks, and then it's off to the races. So. Man, yeah, it's uh, it is inherently negative It's it's inherently negative and even that distinction for me made it a lot easier to walk away Because when I could see the good the positive aspects There was always a reason not to a reason to partake a reason not to reason to partake once I decided This shit is just negative. It's bad It's poison is taking away from my life. It became a lot easier to walk away from it.

Benyi: 30:49

So like, uh, when you say that sobriety is a superpower, what superpower do you have now? What's something that you can do now that like you were not able to do when you were mixing both? A zero hangovers

Elijah: 31:03

is great. Oh, yeah Having a 100 guarantee that that i'll never have a hangover again That is freaking great. Uh, so that's one one big one I mean those those days when I would wake up holding the ice pack to the head and and Knowing deep down the only thing that's going to fix this is drinking again, which is fucked up But that is true like when you're really off First drink the next day you're like, okay, I feel better now. So no hangovers and very advantageous The clarity that I have When it comes to where my life is headed, just decision making, I have more clarity than ever, obviously better weight, better health. Better workouts. Um, I have an addictive Personality anyway, so when that substance was removed from my life now, I have even more of this addictive energy to give to the weight room to give to Building my personal brand to give to being a better father and being a better husband So it's this this resource is now like flooding these other areas of my life I mean the the advantages and the the superpowers we could we could go on and on it's just You Inherently advantageous not to have poison in your system. That's slowing you down. I get up at 3 30 a. m Every single day, there's no way that would happen if i was partaking alcohol. There's no freaking way I might do it sometimes but seven days a week. Absolutely not

Benyi: 32:29

Hell no,

Elijah: 32:30

like that's crazy Just from a productivity standpoint. I get so much more done and i'm actually seeing a wave Of popularity and sobriety for that region alone And I actually think that's really good because like I said, I wasn't the guy waking up in the ditch People that did have that history and shared their message I think it helps other people that are that extreme with it But I think people that are in that kind of gray area in the middle We need a message to get to them because a lot of people partake someone reasonably and they think I have control over this. It's really not that big of a negative It might not be it might not be a massive massive detriment in their life. Would they be better without it 100? Every single person on planet earth would objectively be better off mentally emotionally physically without it So I think more people like myself and other hustlers that are just saying hey I'm just a little sharper without it. So i'm gonna go with that I'm better in business. I'm better in conversation. I don't need to rely on it before I go out on a date or whatever. Like, these are the talking points that I would like to see more of. And I'm starting to see that. So it's really cool.

Benyi: 33:39

No, yeah, you're right on the money in there. Like, especially here living in New York, uh, the sober careers movement is strong. Very important. They're like a bunch of stuff now. That you can do, uh, that do not involve alcohol. And I've seen a lot of people who are not in recovery, you know, myself, I'm in recovery. I had to go to the deep end to get it, you know, but it always warm my heart to know, like to see somebody who was like, Oh no, yeah. I didn't feel like drinking today. I just want to see what all the alternatives. I'm like, yeah, money, kudos to you. I wish I was that smart when I was, you know, But, uh, yeah, you're right on the money. It doesn't have to be the extremes, uh, stories like the, you know, like the, like you say, waking up in the ditch, uh, you know, like tell, Oh, I'll call is bad for you. No, like, you know, people who have control over it should know that like, there's no benefit about it, you know, but that doesn't mean like we were like preaching, Oh, you should stop drinking. We are at, we're like, be aware of what you're doing. You know, that's, uh, That's it. But speaking of being aware of what you're doing, how do you convey to your clients that drinking is not good for them? Or like, have you seen like alcohol being an obstacle to, uh, your client's goals?

Elijah: 35:01

No, it's definitely an obstacle to a lot of my, my client's goals as far as how to convey it. I, uh, use the same example as no one's ever regretted being jacked. Every single motherfucker on planet earth that's sober says their life only got better. They might still miss it. I still miss it. I have dreams about drinking sometimes. Some fricking, uh, like Patron and Naho, where it just feels like it's from the gods and it's going down and swarming like, Oh my God, I still think about it. I'm not even one of those, Oh, it doesn't taste good. You just want to get drunk. It tastes pretty good. There's a lot of, there's a lot of liquors and beers that I'm like, fuck, that's the best tasting thing I've ever had in my life. Yeah, but it's still negative. Right. So, yeah. So people that used to partake to varying degrees, the guy in the ditch, the guy that had too much on the weekends and even the social drinker that would just have. A little bit sometimes all of them say their life has gotten better since they stopped partaking How is that not irrefutable evidence that you would also be better off without it? Do you really think you're so unique and special for me? I would actually be worse off so I will continue to partake a lot of us ego They think i'm the special flower. I can get away with it. I'm so smart I've thought about it from all the angles i've figured out it's actually better in my life So i'm gonna keep doing it so a lot of us ego but Even that though like people that still partake They're not going to be as tapped into these conversations. They're not going to be as tapped into groups of sober people that talk about it, because everyone that's talking about it are talking about it with other people that are already on the other side of it. Yeah, it's great. We, we get, we get to motivate each other and keep each other on the path. That's wonderful. What I'm trying to figure out currently now is how to reach those people that are not on this side of things yet, and just point out how positive it is in a way Really conveys it and, and, and makes them believe. But again, kind of like the other thing before it's really just water and the seed, I mean, no, one's going to change until they're ready. And, and even that they'll say, yeah, I know I'll stop one of these days, but just not, just not, just not today, but you know, when you do change, you'll be better. Probably no, no, probably we're speaking in yes, yes. And no, yeah. So for sure you would be better, but you don't want to do it today. You want to wait? Yeah. Uh, yeah. So I try, that's one, one approach I do like to take is just to hit him with logic, which is rational. Logic, not emotional, not, but it's fun. If you like, if you think about it, the motivators to drink are very emotional and childish. Like the only upside is that as fun, like that is the upside is that it's fun. You're a little looser, laugh a little louder, have a better time. And then there's this mountain of very cold, hard, rational reasons not to. And they're like, yeah, but I like my one reason over here versus your 40 reasons. To go without so trying to just point out the rationality and the intelligence will even say I'm going without my hope is that that kind of. Wakes people up.

Benyi: 38:17

No. Yeah. I mean, right. Because like, you know, when you put logic in the picture, it's hard for a person to deny it. But I think it brings them to like the realization of their nonsense, you know, like that day they're just making excuses. And to further your, your point here, I don't know if you noticed, but the, I don't know you in Raleigh where I don't know how the gyms are in Raleigh, but my gym is pretty empty on a Friday night. Like, what's up with that? Like, you know, you see the same guys working out every day, but Friday, Friday afternoon, there's nobody at the gym. And I'm like. Every, every day of the week, the afternoon is packed except Friday afternoon. And mainly this week. So what are you guys working out for? Like, you know, um, that brings me to question, like, In order to further somebody personal development, do you think the reason you maintain like a person maintain should maintain their body need to change? Like by that, I'm taking an example. If you're like a regular guy who goes to the gym to look good, to attract, you know, the opposite sex, like a woman and stuff. And now you're not at the gym Friday night because you're out out there, you know, showing your body and trying to get to, to To use your skill. Do you think that needs to change in order to further personal development? Like understand the benefit of like the actual act of working out to like, you know, to the self.

Elijah: 40:01

So basically changing what the motivator is like there. Yeah. The, why the motivator? Yep. Yeah. Um, one of the biggest benefits of training is that feeling you get after, after working out. It is one of the best highs. And i've been pretty fucking high in my life. It's one of the best highs On planet earth is after an amazing workout and guess what? There's no downsides So it's one of the best highs. It's one of the best feelings of euphoria I don't know if you saw this reel got popular like six, uh, 10 months ago Of this chick talking about you're literally releasing, they're calling them hope molecules or happy hope hormones when you work out, like it's crazy. Like our bodies, this, this pharmaceutical industry, right? And it releases these amazing chemicals with no downside. And then you're going to go to these places, to these events where you can feel pretty good, but there's massive downsides. That's, that's my ethos with personal development is. Looking at things in those metrics. Is it good for me? Is it great for me? And there's no downsides Let's just really invest into that. Does this feel good, but there's massive downsides Well, that would be a great option if I hate myself. Yeah, that would be a great option if i'm not intelligent That would be a great option if I like minusing myself like thinking in plus and minus good and bad Helping or hurting this is what would change my life and it makes things so, uh obvious and so clear You But like we were saying earlier, that's kind of the problem in today's world is we like fluid, maybe it's different, maybe I want to do this. And it's okay for me. It's like, let's just draw a line in the sand and these things that don't come with downsides. Let's do more of those. And these things that do come with downsides, let's do. Do way less if, uh, if not go completely without, as far as the social aspect, I have a lot of empathy for the fact that if you want a robust, exciting social life, it is out on the town Friday night and Saturday, I used to go out every single night, Monday through Sunday. I mean, every single night I was out. And now it's the exact opposite. I hang out with my wife and son. I hang out with my clients. That's about it. I don't have the best. I don't have the best social success story for after I stopped drinking. I got even. More friends and more real connections. I'm sure more of that's coming later down the road Like at the end of the day, this is still somewhat I mean me being what is it 18 months in now? I still look at that as like a new recent thing. I don't think of it as i'm this lifelong Sobriety cat i'm still kind of in the early stages. So i'm sure that'll Change over time, but I I get it that when I went without my social circle massively dwindled the things that there were to do Massively dwindled like when you think about meeting someone It's almost always for a drink. Yeah, if it's not at night, it's just during the day. Hey, let's go get a beer Let's go do a whatever and when you take that away, it's it's like what are we gonna do? And do I even want to do it with you anymore? If there's no drinks, because usually we get loose and chop it up and we can talk about some nonsense, but because you feel good, it's easy to enjoy the conversation when you're stone cold, sober. It's like, I think I got better shit to do than this right now. I'm actually good. Well, we can talk on the phone, but I mean, that's kind of where I'm at.

Benyi: 43:39

No, but like that, that, that, that, that's, that's true. That makes me want to ask you this question. So like, how did you come to the, uh, Um, what, how did you come in term with that part of it that like the social You know, um, life will like dwindle a little bit and because it's fair to say that you're not miserable, you're pretty happy. I mean, to me, yeah, but like, it's so hard to make somebody understand that. Like, that's why me personally, I'm going to answer my own question for a minute. Like the motivator for me needs to change because if your motivator for, you know, Is to look good for somebody else or to get exterior external validation. Yes, you might get that high immediately, but so, but it's not going to last because then now you, it's almost as if that person is wasting that high to compromise themselves with external validation for me, in order to stay sober in my recovery, I need to be spiritually fit. And I think in order to be spiritually fit, the body needs to follow. That's why I do boxing, kickboxing, and I work out because like my, here's my mindset during the day. I wake up, I work out. I feel good about myself since I feel good about myself. I'm going to meditate. I'm like, yeah, the meditation is going to be great. I'm going to read my book. I'm going to feel great. And it has to be in tandem. You know, I could not imagine. I feel like how I felt different. If my motivation was, yeah, I'm going to learn all those moves so I can impress a girl at the gym, you know, like, I don't think I will be as, as serene or at peace with myself. Like, what do you think?

Elijah: 45:46

No, I agree. I will say someone can have maybe a silly motivator. Yeah. Uh, to work out. If it gets them in the gym, I count that as a positive. If someone wants us to be hot, if someone wants to be hot, as long as, if that's what gets them in the gym and otherwise they wouldn't be in the gym, at least they're in the gym getting after it. And the more that becomes a part of their everyday life, the motivation might change. Maybe now it's, Oh, I want to lift this certain amount. Or maybe now they found this other discipline in the weight room or different style of training. Oh, I want to get better at that. Yeah. Yeah. Like the reason we all started in the gym might be completely different than the reason we go now, but because we had that first reason is the reason we're at where we're at now. So, as long as it gets someone in the way, you might say it's positive, but yeah, being too. Externally focused. I will say that probably is the reason a lot of people fall on and off a lot of people get in pretty good shape or maybe they achieve what they think is pretty decent lifting wise and then the care starts to fall off or they just stop going because in their mind, they've arrived at the end of the day, lifting is for life. I'll lift until I literally can't. I will lift until I literally cannot pick up a weight. It's for life. Um, so whatever gets people towards that path, I'd say that's positive.

Benyi: 47:11

No, I agree with you. Like, uh, I mean, sometimes it bothers me when I see the initial, but like, I'm like, Hopefully they're going to stay around for another better reason. I mean, even with martial arts, a lot of, a few of the people who are in my class who train with me and stuff got in there just because MMA, they want to fuck somebody up. And I'm like, this is not what martial art is about, man, like in my head. But then they start learning it. And I was like, yo, this, this is chess. I'm like, yeah, now you starting seeing the light, baby. Like, yeah, they see the, they see the reasoning, the philosophy behind that, you know, like the Buddhist teaching the monks and they're like, Oh, wow. I had no idea. But. To come to your point. Yeah. Like, you know, whatever gets your food to the door. I agree. Uh, as long as later on, they, the mentality change, but, um, let's talk about another obstacle, uh, that your clients might face. What's your take on diets? Like, do you swear by one diet? Like, have you, uh, have you run into issues with clients swearing by only one diet?

Elijah: 48:27

Um, I haven't had that many clients that prefer an extreme. I've definitely had friends and acquaintances that are like, so what's up with the keto thing? It's like, Holy shit. We're still talking about this macros, macros, macros,

Benyi: 48:42

macros.

Elijah: 48:42

You can do one meal a day and still gain weight. You can do keto and still gain weight. You can do whatever, whatever, and still be eating too damn much. If you establish how much you need to eat to maintain your weight and then eat a little bit less than that. You will 100 percent lose weight. So if someone's goal is to lose weight, just do that. It's so simple. People make it so complicated with these different, right? But practically religions carnival, right? That's the new. And, uh, I mean, all these things that I'm listing have changed lives. People swear by it. That's what got them, you know, to their, their healthier weight. It's all good, but just track your fucking macros. It's it's the most bulletproof way to get the body you want, whether that be losing weight, maintaining or gaining, even in a maintenance phase, I would still track because you might think you're maintaining, and then if you don't weigh in every day, another thing I'm a big advocate for, and you go to the doctor and they're say, they say you're up 11 pounds. Well, you weren't maintaining like tracking macros is, um, it's powerful. One. It teaches you so much about reality and a lot of people, I'll give them their macros and they get a couple of days in and they say, I don't know if I can do this. It's not very much food. So you're saying tracking or not, you're planning on eating too much because the right amount you're saying is too little when in fact it's actually the correct amount. So this is a, this is a personal problem. Like whether you're looking at the numbers or not, you're saying you would prefer to eat to the point where you would gain weight and. After a few months of tracking or a few years, it's like you're Neo in the Matrix. You can just look at a plate and go, okay, that's six ounces of meat. It's a lean meat, around 30, 40 grams of protein. Boom, I could fit that carb in my hand. That's probably like 150, 200 calories. 50 to 60 carbs. Yeah. It's lean, so it's not much fat. Like I still track everything because I want to know exactly what it is. But once you've done it for a while, you don't even have to do it forever. You have, you have the site. You've been gifted the gift with the site. Right? So anyone that's looking for their best plan, I would just establish their calories, show them one of the apps. My fitness pal, there's, there's many others. Now these my fitness pal for over a decade, it's so fricking easy to use. And, and I kind of shamed a client once about this. Um, they were, they were, they were, they were just saying how much of a problem they had with tracking, but they also had a massive problem with their weight. And I said, this is literally. A compass with 100 percent accuracy and you're saying I don't want to look at it because it's upsetting I just gave you a map not many things in this life You can get a map and it's a guarantee like a business coach. He can give me what worked for him And say it'll probably work. It's not a guarantee. Macros is one of the unique C things in life where it's a fucking guarantee, unless you have a medical condition or some kind of extreme case. But again, we don't look at the exceptions. We look at the rule. The rule is you eat in the calorie deficit, you're going to lose weight. Yeah. So I'm, I'm big on, I'm big on macros.

Benyi: 52:01

Um, you know, what's funny. I don't track my macros. Um, I track, uh, I mean, the only macro is sugar. Like, because I noticed that like, you know, I, um, I started getting a little bit of gut, but just because. Maybe I was drinking, eating too much sugar. And then I did my research like, uh, adult male is 36. What gram of sugar a day I do really. And then some of the things I was eating was like 20 grams of sugar. And I was, you know, like, Oh, so that can is, uh, yeah. 20 gram or like, you know, and stuff. So like, that's what I kind of keep track of personally. But are you, uh, Do you think there's a such a thing as, as, uh, overtracking, like, you know, being obsessive with, because I, I don't, I don't weight myself in every day or like, you know, maybe once a week, but like, is there like a dangerous attitude? Like, you know, I'm trying to try to weigh both position.

Elijah: 53:05

Yeah.

Benyi: 53:05

Yeah. It's not. Mm hmm.

Elijah: 53:07

I was getting some flack the other day on one of my tick tocks This guy was like winging every day seems kind of obsessive

Benyi: 53:12

Yeah,

Elijah: 53:12

and I was like the way I train is obsessive The way I eat is obsessive winging every day takes three seconds. I stand on the scale in my boxers I look down and I write it down on the counter. It takes very little effort And once it says habitual as brushing your teeth, I don't think of it as like this extra step this it's um, it's very very minimal effort, but Can it be obsessive? I mean, I mean, definitely I would say it depends on where the client or where the person is at What's what's the result they're looking for? I'm big on macros because I like the best the supplements I take they're the best the way I train the way I train my clients It's the best if I want to get a certain kind of physique. I'm checking my macros because it's the best But you're talking about sugar. People can just apply principles like not an extreme elimination diet to the point where it's carnivore But they'll say okay. I'm not gonna have added sugars. I'm not gonna have alcohol I'm gonna have vegetables with every meal and if it, you know is a certain size Like if I have my normal dinner plate And I go out to eat and it's what would take three of those plates to have I know it's too much like you can certainly just have Some general rules apply those and get an amazing result 100. Yeah, every meal every meal has protein Versus counting every gram three It's gonna get you pretty freaking close. It's gonna get you pretty close to to your to your goal. But for me, um, I like the extreme and I I even like the challenges that come with it A lot of people they'll kind of freak out and say I just don't know if I can do this to me I I just look at that as more personal development. This is the test Can I do it again? Can I look at each of those numbers, get filled out? Know that, wow, okay, my day is done. It's literally done. If I want to pull off this goal I said I wanted to pull off, or I could go off the plan and show my brain, show my own mind that it's actually not that serious of a goal for me. I like to do it. Putting myself in that fire and testing myself, but I have a client and he's fricking he's jacked right now He's just got he did a second diet. We got him really lean. He did a slight surplus bulked up a little bit He's now lean again, but a little heavier. So Like objective muscle gain, right and he is he's cracking. Yeah, we had a conversation about he's like I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't know if I should keep doing this You Uh, it's a lot it can be a lot but again to me that's that's just more fun. I'm like, yeah Is he is he gonna break? That's what I told him. I was like, what are you gonna do? I like I like it. It's glee in my eyes like hey, man I'm having a breakdown you're getting you're getting excited. I'm like, yeah, so what are you gonna do? You're gonna give it two more weeks. Are you gonna see another vein? And uh, I mean this is really up to him but again, so people would hear that and say see that's that extreme stuff I want to stay away from if you're intelligently tracking It can only get so extreme. I would never put an adult male on like 1300 calories or 1500 calories or something stupid like that, right? Yeah, I hear people say oh when I went all in I was less happy because I was having 800 calories a day and doing four hours of cardio and I just say well, that's fucking stupid Why did you do it? I had a client she said she had a bad weigh in started running around the neighborhood and had a panic attack You And and they said I that's it. I can't I can't do this anymore. Yeah Why did you do that in the first place? And and obviously there's a reason they did it. There's there's some issues there But what is? Like we have to come back to taking a deep breath that was obviously an emotional response. Yeah, what would have been the logical response? Okay, wait sub something's not working. Yeah, what did I have for dinner last night? Did I go off my plan? Yeah, it's I'll come back to this too. Like if you're on plan and the weight gets weird You don't have to feel bad about it because you're on plan some fluctuations can happen sometimes so it takes the pressure off Yeah If you go off the plan and you see your weight go way off, well, you went off the fucking plan. So it's like, there's no escaping what was going on. And, and for me, as meticulous as it is, as time consuming as it can be, it really does take the pressure off. Every time I weigh in, I, uh, I know what I'm going to see is for a reason. And if it's the rare case that it's an odd fluctuation up, it doesn't bother me because I know I'm hitting all my marks, so it's all good.

Benyi: 57:54

No, I mean, like you were hit it right on the money. I was about to say, uh, after you, I think it has to do with our reaction. When we read something that we don't like, you know, I'm not like waiting myself in and be like, Oh, I'm above my limit. Oh my God. I'm such a failure. Like, no, I'm like, I'm not, I'm like, okay, this is what it is. This is the reality right now. How do we fix it? That means like maybe I ate too much, you know, like being, being so centered and realistic and having a appropriate reaction to an event, it's another skill. We talk about gratitude at the beginning of this podcast, but being, um, reacting to, uh, an event with the proper amount of, uh, what do you call it? of urgency and not, you know, overreact is another skill to learn. Like, you know, like I feel, yeah, like sadly a lot of people do overreact when they hear or see something that they don't like, you know, but, um, speaking really quick about extremism, uh, and fun challenges. Did you heard of, uh, 75 hard? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I've the, even the bookie, I have the bookie on metal stuff that, oh my God. So, oh yeah. I have a friend who did it. I, no, actually two friends who did it. Uh, they're both in recovery. They swear by it. They want me to do it. I'm like, I'm good for now. Like, you know, some of it is, is crazy. The gallon of water day is hard for me. Like, uh. Like, like two workouts, I can squeeze that like, you know, like, but like a gallon of water, like I'm trying to do that. I try to drink a lot of water, but a gallon is a lot, right? You know, there's some things in that challenge that like, I'm like, I feel like if I do it, I'm going to feel miserable, you know?

Elijah: 1:00:03

Yeah. I don't know the, I don't know the exact in, in and out of it. I know it's the two a day. There's like some, um, journaling that you do on a regular basis. Yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah. I love the, I love the concept. That's Andy, Andy Pri, right? Personal guy. Yeah. Andy Pri.

Benyi: 1:00:18

Yeah.

Elijah: 1:00:18

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I love the concept especially with it being 75 because it's so close to 90 days It's such an absurd amount of days in a row I know you can pull it off. You will feel like a badass motherfucker for the rest of your life I know for the rest of your life You will always be able to go back anyone that's done that 75 hard they can look back and say well I really did that shit anything that checks that box. It's worth doing because that's I mean, it's like david goggins talking about building up your confidence right going into the cookie jar I remember when I did this I pulled that off and this thing in front of me is intimidating me I did this other thing over here and I'm scared to have this conversation. Fuck out of here. I'm not intimidated by this. Like giving yourself. A mountain of winds behind you to always look back on and be like, oh, yeah, I am him like i'm that guy That's so that's so powerful. It's so powerful. So uh Like running that kind of program and definitely I think would be crazy like two days definitely aren't aren't necessary by any means but Knowing that it's extreme Taking that plunge coming out on the other side. I mean i've heard so many people talk about that program now. It's changed their life

Benyi: 1:01:24

No, they, they do better. Definitely. I mean, maybe, who knows, one day I'm going to be ready to do it, but like, yeah, it is like 75 days in a row. If you miss one, you have to restart that like 70 a lot of things. Yeah, the pressure. Pressure, yeah. I be like, a lot of things can happen in 75 days. Like I'm like, come on. But. Speaking, uh, uh, we're going to shift a little bit speaking of being him, like you say, like, uh, looking at yourself after, uh, you know, uh, prevailing in the challenge and stuff. Let's talk a little bit about masculinity and what it is like to be a man, like throughout your experience. Do you want, okay, let's start with a question, simple question for you. What is it? What does toxic masculinity mean? Toxic

Elijah: 1:02:17

masculinity. Yeah. Do you even agree with the term? Yeah, that's, that's the thing right now. Right? If you ask, uh, a lot of alpha male types Yeah. On, on a podcast like this, they're like, that's just masculinity, bro. Yeah. Toxic masculinity is just masculinity, bro. I can, I, I can see both sides. I mean, the, the. Ultimate toxic male would be a guy running around on his chick, right? Cheating, letting his dick run the show um Purely narcissistic just doing whatever he wants 24 7 burning people, you know getting what he needs at other's expense I mean, there's there's definitely Toxic traits that can that can happen, right? Um, I do think that term has gotten to the point now where if a guy works out takes care of himself does things that are just Positive people like I don't know. It seems like that might be that toxic masculine shit. It's like A dude's pumping iron. He's loving his life. He feels good. He looks good. That's It's toxic. What are you talking about? So it's definitely gotten, gotten a little bizarre. Um, but I, I, I can think of many, many males I would be around in my early years coming up, working different jobs or just the way they, the way they would speak about women or where it was always like a dick measuring contest. You can even just chill and have conversation. It was always like trying to one up each other, telling stories, stupid shit like that. Like, yeah. Yep. Male ego can definitely yeah crazy. Um, and i'm a big believer in balancing that masculine and feminine energy in ourselves and even that a lot of a lot of Toxic masculinity types. They'll be like now fuck that like i'm just a dude. I don't need feminine traits But that's the guy that's with his wife and they're watching a comedy and he's like this Oh, they're like having a nice moment and he's like I'm, not gonna laugh at it like like that guy that needs to be hard 24 7.

Benyi: 1:04:29

Yeah, like his

Elijah: 1:04:30

facial structure. He's like He's like biting down. It's like bro. Yeah, you gotta relax Yeah, and on the other extreme end is the Lucy guy. I just want to have fun. That was me like we talked about alcohol We didn't really get into my my weed era days, but I used to be a hippie high ass motherfucker. I used to smoke every single day edibles bright colors dancing every night out Just like a leaf in the wind. So that's for sure was too extreme and Feeling emotional feminine sense, right? And a big theme for me the last few months Is it's not this or that it's this and that so i'm watching a funny show with my wife It would be very stupid for me to restrict My ability to laugh and enjoy the moment be like nah, my man. I gotta stay hard I'm gonna stay hard and in the same sense If something pops off if there's a confrontation I'm, definitely not going to be all up in my feelings in retreat, babe. You got it. He's scary like fuck that If something pops up and my wife and son are with me, I better be able to take care of business no, it doesn't it doesn't have to be one or the other but Uh, even me being pretty add like this is a very recent thing for me. I've gone extreme In both of those areas and it's it's really in the last few months You That I'm trying to find that, that balance.

Benyi: 1:05:55

No, yeah. Uh, right on the money again, balance, you know, because like you said, like we should be able to, I think like the right masculinity is to balance both sides, the masculine and the feminine, you know, like, uh, me, maybe you can help me with this because this is the issue I ran into my gym and sometime, you know, when I'm having conversation. Or like interaction with those guys who like, Oh, you know, dig measuring context. I need to lift more and like, you know, look alpha where my shirts like barely anything shows like, you know, like the tank top that like barely covers anything and walk like they're not even smiling. And most of the time at the gym, I don't really lift weights. I'm not on the best way. I don't use the machine. I do a lot of boxing, kickboxing and stuff. And there were like several instances where I'm in the corner of my bags, I'm, I'm boxing the bag. And then there's one guy who walked close to me. And lift up his shirt against the mirror. And I stopped for a second. I look at the, at the room, there are mirrors all over. He could be at the other end of like the room, lifting his shirt there. But then I know exactly what it is. You know, this is like, Oh, I'm going to look alpha bro and stuff. And depending on my mood, sometime I'm like, yeah, whatever. I'm just punching the bag. But one time I was holding the pads for my friend and one of the kids did that. I stopped it. I was like, man. We're working here. You have to move the other side, you know, saying it from keeping my cool, but I know exactly what you're doing move. And he was all my bird, like, you know, why do you think that is that like somebody has, it's like, for me, it's like almost a ritual. I'm not wishing for it, but I know when I'm going in those environments, somebody is going to try me, you know, like it's. It's, it's almost a given, like, what do you think is that?

Elijah: 1:08:03

That's really hilarious. The, that dynamic that You're doing combat type stuff and it's like the Bodybuilder lifter bro. I'm picturing being like, yeah, well check this out Like a a weird meme on the internet there's the mma fighter posting his clips and the dude that can bench whatever is like I'd kick your fucking ass and he's like dude i'd tight kick your legs so hard you never walk again and he's like I'd like to see you try and and in gyms where they have like Bags and people that do boxing and and mma more tie, whatever and they have a weight room You know, those weird silent exchanges are happening all day long In the bag, he might feel like he's like, you know, you have no idea. It doesn't matter that I weigh 150 I twist you up like a twizzler son, and then he's like nah, dude. I've benched three times what you weigh I throw you out the window and it's like You These conversations are happening in people's minds, slanging through each other. It's pretty psychotic. It's crazy. Uh, I mean, when it can boost each other up, some of that male competitive energy can be, can be beneficial. Like if I look at someone and I think, dude, that guy is in fricking epic shape and it inspires me to do more of that, that can be positive. But Yeah, this is, it gets, it gets weird in gyms, man, the gym I go to, I mean, like I said, I get up early. So I'm, my workout starts at 4. 30. I'm usually there alone. Maybe a couple people trickling as I'm leaving. I haven't been in a really crowded gym environment in quite a while. But man, every commercial gym you go to, there is hundreds of unspoken conversations and weird energy exchanges happening left and right. And I'm not an intuitive person. And I pick up on that and I'm like, this feels so weird. Like I gotta, I gotta get out of here. But yeah, it's just, it's pretty interesting. But that whole scene.

Benyi: 1:09:59

No, you, you, you're right. And like, I feel so vindicated for you for like, you know, um, uh, agreeing with me on that because like, yeah, those are silent conversation that happened. We know what's going on. Nobody say thing, but it's happening. And like, you look at a guy, but I do have friends over there that I really like, and they're all like, you know, they don't box, they, we respect each other's craft, but there's some guys who like they. They're like there to like for a pissing contest, you know, like sometime I hold pads, I hold pads for a young kid one time and he was zero technique all about power to as if like he wanted, he wanted to hurt me for me like, Oh yeah, you're hitting too hard. I'm like, kid, you're hitting too hard. You're hitting harder than you're hitting the bag. My, my, my, my rule of thumb is like, if you want to hit me hard, you need to hit that bag as hard as you hitting me. Like, there is no way he's going to touch the bag and then hit my hand with all his power. I'm like, no, you're trying to hurt me. Like intentions matter right there. But like, no, he just wanted to show me how powerful a man, my kid, you have zero technique. Like the beauty of this thing is like the technique. I don't care how strong you can hit. It's like, you cannot hit what you plan on hitting. That's pointless, you know? Like, but he was young, I guess, like he's going to get it eventually. But like, But like, yeah, when it comes to the community, me, myself, personally, my ideal time to go to the gym, it's in the morning, I get there at 9 a. m, 10, you know, like, I like the crowd in the morning, you have like fewer assholes, but there's one day a week, uh, Tuesdays usually where I have to go in the afternoon because I work in the morning and I want to take, uh, there's a boxing class that I like to take with my friend who is a coach, coach. And that's where you have like all the whole, uh, shebang there, like with like the influencers, the people who you know, who are there to hang out. You don't see them like, you know, the, the girls who are like, you know, you know what they're doing there. They have their, their hair is not tied fresh maker. They don't live a single weight. And you are like, yeah, they're there to find their future access band and you know. That's why sometimes I'm conflicted. I'm being I'm obviously judging a little bit. There's nothing wrong with that. But then I'll do we all yeah, we

Elijah: 1:12:36

all

Benyi: 1:12:37

do,

Elijah: 1:12:37

but I like it. Oh, sorry. I'll say I like that. You can forget it. I like that. You said the craft like that's a big thing. There's so many different disciplines when it comes to training and working out, but they're all fucking hard. And when. The CrossFit guy can respect the bodybuilder. The bodybuilder can respect the powerlifter. That's when the energy exchanges are really nice. I don't plan on competing in powerlifting, um, but I know what it takes as far as the preparation, the patience. I have nothing but respect for those cats. And the best thing that they could do is look at the bodybuilder and say, man, that kind of rigorous dieting and that monotonous training day in, day out. And then that bodybuilder should be able to look at the CrossFitter and say, Hey, they might not be my preferred way to train, but they're sweating buckets. And they're here every day. They're getting after like, That's that's that's the sweet spot and then we can still have that level of, uh, competitive competitiveness with each other, but there's this admiration to and now it's a really good energy. Hey, what's up, man? We've been working hard. You're doing your thing. I'm doing my thing. Let's just go. Let's go get after it in our own lanes. Right. But we always want to think. Our lane is the best lane. It's that eel again, the way I do things is the best way. So it's the MMA guy. That's like, this dude's just bending his arms back and forth, lifting weights, like it's just stupid. And then the guy lifting is like, when are you even going to get in a street fight, just get over here and do some curls, it's like, Let's just respect that this person chose that lane. You're in this lane. We're all getting after it. We're all getting better. Let's just enjoy the process.

Benyi: 1:14:12

No, I mean, it's definitely true. And you kind of answer, but my last question that I had for you, like, like, you know, there's definitely the importance of a community in the fitness world. The fitness community is great. You know, but like I said before, it's run by zealots. So like, you know, sometimes you have the influencer, the people with different motives, the people who are there like to find their significant order. Like what will be, that might be too broad of a question, but what's your ideal fitness community when you go to a gym and the people you want to see the do's and the don'ts, like how would you, if you were to create it from scratch? Like how would

Elijah: 1:15:00

it look like ideal fitness community? Everyone is focused on their own workout. I see more. I mean, I record a lot of my sets. I post my workout to Instagram every single day. So I'm not anti recording or anti some of the influencer practices, but everyone's focused on their workout. They're focused on quality. They're focused on getting better every day. Everyone they see, they say, Hey, if you need anything, I'm here. Hopefully it's the same for you to me. Let's all just get better. Um, yeah, it's not that, it's not that hard. It should be that crazy. And one thing I'll say, or some of the silent conversations. I've been in my head judging someone in the gym and then within three seconds of actually speaking to them I go wow, they're actually really nice. Yeah, they're actually really pleasant like this version of them I had in my mind Just I hear there's the sound of their voice for the first time and I instantly feel like an asshole I'm, like that's actually a really good guy and he's like, hey, man Let me know if you ever need a spot and i'm like, sorry for all that shit. I've been thinking he's like What i'm like, oh, never mind like If you actually engage with people more often than not we're surprised. It's like it's actually a solid person You know, that's that chick over there. She's she's doing her thing. She's getting after it. So Yeah, just people just being just being normal being a social, but maybe not too social. Like, let's get after it. Let's let's really strain ourselves. That's I mean, the workout is my highlight of of the day for sure. Every day. It's a special time. It's where you get to really push yourself and find out what you're made of rep to rep set to set. It's a, it's a special place and anything negative or toxic, whether it's self deprecating on yourself, hating on other people in the room, those energies are picked up on. I used to see all the time, people would say, no one's watching you, stop worrying about it. That's not true. Yeah. Or they say, there's no one's judging you. They're not even looking. Don't they are. Don't don't worry about it. Like still do your thing, but they are just, but even that cat that might be looking at you funny, I guarantee if you're old up on them and just said, Oh, Hey, I'm, I'm Benny, by the way, nice to meet you, man. I'm seen in here. You're doing your thing. I bet he'll look at you different. Yeah. Right. So, so just, just being just being normal.

Benyi: 1:17:27

No, I mean, yeah, you're right on. I've, I've, uh, I was saying, uh, energy never lies. Like, you know, like, yeah, those are good looking and stuff. But like, like you said, because like, it's funny you said about the guy that you even think about because, uh, you think about it like, yeah, he's probably an asshole. It happened to me recently. They're like a bunch of cops who come and work at the gym, like, you know, like, and they all have like, yeah. Those like boys, like cow haircut, like, I'm like, look at that guy with that crazy haircut. He looks like a cop and he was a cop. I'm like the guy, I mean, if you could drew a cop, like you asked a guy to draw a cop. He's that guy that like, you know, like typical. Cop face looking like police officer and stuff, but he's a nice guy. But at first I was like, yeah, that guy is such. Yeah. Like, look at it, man. Like, after he started wearing like, uh, he's, um, uh, uniform, like all, like, uh, like, uh, they have like an association of blue cops. It's not blue lives matter. That's another one that they wear sometime. And, um, I was like, you know, like we may, I contact, he's a nice guy actually, but yeah, you know, I've been on the other side of it too, but. Um, yeah, like you said, it's about energy. It's about like talking, uh, you know, speaking of talking really quick, like what are the do's and don't me, my don't is don't talk to me in the middle of a set because I'm counting my head or I have

Elijah: 1:19:03

a timer.

Benyi: 1:19:05

And also if you want to give advice, because I was given advice by somebody that was when he came to. So the story is this. So there was a time I was on the bag boxing and I was working on a technique and this guy who come and gives him advice. He. Not only stopped me in the middle of my round, but the advice was so

Elijah: 1:19:35

like empty that it made me think

Benyi: 1:19:39

that like, you know, that guy said that for other motives, like I'm going to come back to the story, but like, it was basically, Oh, you know, you need to turn when you send that punch. I'm like, man, I'm already turning. And I knew what I was doing. And the advice was empty. And when I look at the man and I saw him box later, I was like, Oh yeah, I get it. He's a middle aged man, probably, you know, I'm speculating, but probably suffering of like a midlife crisis. His technique was terrible. He was crossing his feet all the time, but he wanted to be there to give, you know, advice to a guy. And I see him do it again to somebody else who is much better than I am. He was like, yeah, man. Like if you do this, this I'm like, uh, I don't know if I'm talking about it, piss me off, but like, for me, those are the don't like. If you want to give advice to somebody, make sure like your advice is valid and also catch them at the appropriate time. What do you think about those?

Elijah: 1:20:46

It's, it's almost impossible to do. I'm, I'm a, I'm a coach, right? So you could say I would be in the right. To roll up on someone and say, Hey, are you doing this pull down for your lats? Yes. Oh, well, if you do it like this, you'll get better lat engagement. Like you could say I'm in the position to give advice. And even then it would never go, it would never go well, unless it's a friend. If it's someone that I already have an established relationship with and like, go to the gym together. That's very different. A complete stranger role, a dude, a complete stranger, dude, rolling up on another dude in the middle of a workout scene, you should do this. Never once has it been well received. I promise you like never once, even if, even if it's right advice, which it usually isn't and if it is right advice, then they have to preface it. They're like, Hey, you know, I don't want to throw off your flow. Uh, just consider it. It's like, this is already stupid. Like you're, you're making it sound all nice, but really ultimately you're saying you think what I'm doing is wrong. Like, I mean, I've, I've had people give me advice and the energy exchange is weird. Even when it's been correct, I felt my own walls go up and I'm just kind of like nodding waiting for them to stop talking And then they walk away and I go back to what I was, what I was doing. Um, even if their advice was right, like I said, so it's, it's almost impossible. And, uh, for me, I just try and make my presence as a coach known, even if it's a gym that I'm not training people out of, like if they follow my social. I'm like, Hey, they know I'm a trainer. If they need something, they'll, they'll come to me. I mean, there's, there's a, I mean, I see wild shit every day. Every, every gym has wild shit going on at every single day. Curls that end with the arms halfway down, just crazy, ugly technique and stuff. And I mean, it's really makes me want to gouge my eyes out. But if I rolled up on him and I was like, Hey, if you get a better result, if you did this, I already know it's not going to be well received. So it's just, it would be a waste of my time.

Benyi: 1:22:44

Yeah, I get it. I get it. All right. All right. Well, what a wonderful conversation we had. Uh, yeah. So this is the end of this interview. I like to end with giving you the floor, like, uh, What do you have going on where we can uh found you and you know I'm gonna also add your social to the description. So, all right, the floor is yours.

Elijah: 1:23:07

Awesome Yeah, so oak city strong i'm most active on instagram, but i'm on all the major platforms tiktok facebook youtube oak city strong It's my my coaching service. I coach people in person here in raleigh, north carolina And then my online coaching it's training It's nutrition and it's also mindset going deeper into some of the topics that benny and I talked about here today You A lot of people work out, they eat their Chipotle and then they have horrible habits outside of the gym. Maybe they still drink, maybe they're still looking at that nasty shit on the internet. You know what I'm saying? Like the workouts are great. It puts you on the path, but it's not to be all end all. And that, that last aspect, the mindset, that's where I really want to. Um, take the space and, and, and help a lot of these cats out. Cause I see, I see it in people's eyes. I mean, you're, you're talking about some of these bizarre characters in the gym. Like there's so many people, they have some good things going for them, but their negative, uh, internal dialogue is still messing them up. Their self talk is still messing themselves up. Their habits outside of the gym are messing themselves up. Those are the things that I really want to help people with. Just as much as the training and the diet. So that's what I do. All

Benyi: 1:24:18

right. Yeah, that's, that's definitely a great, um, mission to have, I will say. Um, all right. So I'm going to add the description. Uh, no, I'm going to add your social and wherever we can find you in this description of this episode and, uh, guys, I will see you in a few weeks. Bye.