Episode 55: Year 2

Welcome back to another episode of Stairway to Redemption. This week we have our first recurrent guest, Rich (that is if you don't count the special episodes ha). Rich recently celebrated his second anniversary and he is sharing with us what was his experience like throughout the year. Enjoy!

Transcript

Benyi: 0:05

Hi, my name is Benny Johnson. As some of you know, I've been struggling with addiction. However, I decided to change my life and went into recovery. I started this podcast 90 days clean and I want to take you along in my journey. What does lie ahead of me? Let me be frank. I do not know. Will I ever drink again? I do not know. This is how Stairway to Redemption was born. It is my search for answer in a real time process of what is going to work for me. It is then my aspiration to help you figure out what is going to work for you. It is our journey together. Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Stairway to Redemption. This week's guest is our first comeback guest. If you don't count our series, uh, our Roundtable series, and now our Dictionary Fiction series, which first episode ended up being one of the most popular? Uh, the second one, I think, the second most popular. In that episode, uh, from last year, episode number 33, by the way, go check it out. We talk about the challenges he faced in his first year of sobriety. And now that he just hit two years, uh, sober, I think it was two weeks ago. Um, yeah, 25th of July, uh, we are going to talk about the tools and the experience he got in year two. So guys, I gave you rich, rich, how are you doing? Not bad. Two years, two years, baby.

Rich: 2:01

Can't believe it. It's just unbelievable that it's two years. It's, it seemed like yesterday I was just going to, uh, rehab and, um, you know, and it's just amazing the, the, the. You know, one day at a time and it's two years, it's just crazy, you know, how it's been, you know, there've been ups and downs over the two years, but for the most part, it's been good

Benyi: 2:29

and,

Rich: 2:29

and, and successful, but. A lot of it is crazy scheduling

Benyi: 2:36

and sticking

Rich: 2:37

to a plan of what I need to do to be, you know, what I have to do every day. I have to, you know, occupy myself, my time outside of, you know, business is business that, you know, I, I got lucky, uh, where I didn't really have to work the first 13 months or so. I mean, I worked, but not crazy, but you know. Where I was like work, you know, doing chasing people for, uh, you know, because I'm in sales for sales every day, but, um, now I'm beginning to ease well more than ease back into, you know, work and, um, you know, but I have to remember no matter what I'm doing that I have to do certain things every day. Like self care.

Benyi: 3:23

Yeah, like in order to stay spiritually fit, I presume. Oh, yeah. We definitely going to talk about the tools that you learned this year or that you have to, that you use to go to your tool. But first thing first, uh, let's start with the state of the mind address. So what's been in your mind lately?

Rich: 3:41

What's been in my mind? I don't know if we want to know that.

Benyi: 3:45

I

Rich: 3:45

don't know. Great, crazy thoughts are no, not crazy thoughts, but you know, just what goes through my don't make me in the country is what goes through my mind on a daily basis. I don't know if everybody wants to be there, but, um, just people in general crack me up, you know, as, uh, you know, I, I can't stand, well, no, I love people. I love everybody. But group, group wise, that, that, that can be kind of challenging at times. And certain things going on with certain, um, you know, like, uh, I'll just put it on the table. You know, the thing that drives me nuts is when someone shows up late to a meeting, an AA meeting, and then they're the first person to share. It just absolutely drives me nuts because To me, and I'm not saying you have to be on time, but, um, you know, like, out of respect to the person speaking and the group, you know, at least try to be relatively not 20 minutes late.

Benyi: 4:48

Yeah.

Rich: 4:49

And then they want to share first. I don't know. So. Benny and I, you and I, not Benny and I, but you and I kind of agree on the same thing and it's not to say that they don't need, you know, cause everybody is coming in and I, and I heard from other people that I talked to about it that, well, you know, what if someone's really struggling, that's great, but wait till the end. You know, and, um, it, it's just more of a less a respect thing. And, and that's being picky. But you know, it, it, it, it was on my mind because, um, someone was doing it repeatedly and I think it was just driving me mad. And, um, so I have to keep, try that. So it doesn't build into a resentment.

Benyi: 5:34

No, I mean, I'm there with you. I share your opinion and me like, you know, like when I, me personally, when I say late, it's like. After the speaker late, you know, and, uh, we share our opinion on this matter. And I personally, for me, it's hard to take a person seriously when they do that. I understand, you know, uh, you, some people come there, like, I like, you know, really need the help. But we're not saying don't talk, we're just saying like, wait till the end, be courteous to those who listen to the speaker and, you know, let them share first, because like, it's usually to share about what the speaker said. If you were not there and you want to share first just to what they have a term for share dumping. Yeah, yeah, they have a term for that and then like just to be listened, but not to listen yourself, then this is not what this I believe this program is about. But, uh, you know, I'm sure we're going to talk about it again in this episode. It's going to come back.

Rich: 6:40

That was one of the, yeah, that was one of the things. The other thing I was really thinking about was, um, early recovery and how I got through it to where I'm at now. And I'm not, and you never recovered. You're always in recovery. And the longest time anybody has is 24 hours and you do the one day at a time. But it, it happened at one of the meetings I went to, there was this woman and, uh, she was, when it was my two year anniversary, she was brand new. Uh, that was her first AA meeting and she was asking questions, you know, and I could tell she was pretty emotional during that meeting and then the following week. But, um, it brought me back to thinking, because she had asked me questions about, like, what, you know, how do you handle early sobriety, and being a normal human being, not normal, but being a human being, and like, you know, going on with life, I think that's what she was talking about. And it brought me to think that I was blessed that as crazy as it sounds, grateful and blessed that I went to rehab. Not, not everybody might say that, but I really consider that a blessing in disguise. But by going to rehab, there were no distractions, nothing. And, um, I was able to concentrate on myself for 28 days. 21, whatever amount of days it was because I left early because of COVID because I, I received, I, I got COVID and, um, you know, and then the other blessing I was thinking about with the early recovery was outpatient. I did that for, I think, longer than necessary. I did it for I think a full year.

Benyi: 8:25

Mm-Hmm.

Rich: 8:26

and, um,'cause I, it was weird. I was cleaning stuff out the other day and I found my certificate from outpatient and it said, uh, September, 2023 that I com uh, I completed. And so I started that, yeah, it was about over a little bit more than a year. I started in August or September of 2022 and then completed it then. And I mean, I don't think that's the recommended, but I needed to stay. And that plus the inpatient, plus the outpatient plus AA has, has worked wonders because I really believe going as hateful, not hateful, as dreaded as it was to go five days a week for three hours and day I remember that it, it, it, it was, you know, it was well worth it. Yeah. And um, you know, I, I don't know if I did five days, I think I did three days because I think I kind of. I told them, there's no way in hell you're getting me there for five days. I said, I'll do three days and I did it. And they, and they were, but, but I extended it and I stayed longer and then they walked me down to one hour or whatever it was, but I really believe that those sessions was like another, like AA meetings and, and it is like what you put in is what you get out. Yeah. And I really believe I put in a lot. So just with the inpatient, yes, the first seven days was like space, uh, well, not space, but I was in detox and I was telling Benny that I was telling you the story the other day that when I first got out of detox, still in inpatient, We were in the game room, smaller room, not like a huge game room, but like a pool table and whatnot. There was a baseball game on and Aaron Judge had hit a home run and I started crying like a baby. And I'm like, I've seen a million home runs, not a million, but I've seen a lot of home runs. And, and it wasn't anything special. It was just a home. And it was like, because finally my emotions were all coming back to me. After, you know, being detox for seven days and that was only seven days. And so it's gone on and it's been a lot, uh, you know, smoother.

Benyi: 10:41

Yeah, no, I, I, I can definitely see the progress, but, um, so that actually you kind of hit it a little bit, but we can expand on it. My question was going to be. So, what is the difference, how do you feel, um, if you were to describe your feelings between year one, your first anniversary, your second anniversary, what, um, what's the difference in feelings? Well, do you want me to do the

Rich: 11:10

AA reason like they always say in the first year's a gift? No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not. I'm not going to give you like, you know, the

Benyi: 11:23

miracle year or not. I mean, rather than now, I'm first year. You know, if you had any fear that like, were like unfounded, that like the second year was like, Hey, you see what I did, you should not have to worry about, you know, like, I don't want to put thoughts in your head. And, you know, it answered my mind. Like,

Rich: 11:39

Oh, I don't need anybody. I don't need anything. I, I, you know, I made it a year and one that first year was really monumental because looking at AA meetings and people and in general, you, the, the, not too many people make it a year. And, and, and even few make it longer. And I'm not trying to be cocky by saying, you know, I did it. I got it. I'll never say that because the minute you say I got this is when you fall down, but you know, that making it that first year was just, you know, An accomplishment in itself, and I could see why, because, you know, you're brand new, you don't know what's going on, and, and you're trying to figure out yourself, and trying to see what, what got me into this situation, and, and, and what happened, and because, like we've said in the past, From other episodes it is until it isn't. And I had tons of fun drinking and met tons of women. Well, I don't know. Well, yeah, a lot of women, but you know, and it was all good and all fun, but you know, and then it wasn't, and then it just got crazy. And I mean, lately I've been thinking back to. I never blacked out once when I drank, for whatever reason, I don't know if that's good or bad, but I always remember what I did, so I didn't have that, but I was thinking that I forget years at a time, like, where I was, for, for, yeah, not where I was, but I'm like, wow, that happened then, and it was just a blur, like, 20 years, I think, of drinking or more, and, and some of the stuff was just a blur, and I was just like, wow. Wow, I made it through, which is good. Now I can remember not every single day, but it's like everything is a lot more present and, and in the, in focus for me and, um, you know, to just, just thinking back to different things I was doing. And I'm like, wow, that that's, it's amazing that, you know, and I always had fun, you know, without a doubt. But then it just got really ridiculous and I was just really abusing myself and probably others. In a way, maybe not physical, definitely not physical, but like mental and other things I did that I didn't realize I was doing and, you know, that you don't realize, but then now that I'm sober, I'm getting all different things from friends and family saying, wow, you're, you're, you're, you're really, you know, they, they, they, they, When I get up and I talk in front of family and friends and whatnot, it used to be like, holy shit, what is Rich gonna say? They're like, you know, they're like, hold on till you see, we don't know what, we don't know what he's gonna say. And they probably were gonna try to like rip me off stage, like with the, uh, You know, like they did in the old school where they would put you in, just pull you off stage. But, um, to now when I speak, it's like, oh, wow, you know, people are, friends and family are asking me for advice and I'm like, wow, I'm like, I've always could say that, you know, I always gave advice, but I don't know what I said in the past or I might have given advice, but it was like, you know, a little, a little rougher around the edges. Then I am now and, and, you know, I could see and I could feel it. And, um, you know, the first year, you know, that was very challenging. The second year was challenging in itself in that I, there were some things that happened during the first year, which extended to, I guess, the second year. No, that didn't really extend, but there were certain things that I got myself into involved with. Certain people and, and I had to, and, and I ended that and, and you know how I made it not out alive, but how I made it sober considering what happened with, you know, women and, and certain events of where the sponsorship, I don't have a sponsor, not that I'm saying I won't ever have one again, but I just, Right now I currently don't have one, but I have a lot of sober support and I do a lot of work and I do a lot of service and, and, and I go to meetings, not as many as I used to, but, but, but I still go to meetings and I pay attention in the meeting. Not that I didn't pay attention, but like, um, you know, there was a guy, there was somebody speaking the other night and they were saying. You know, don't drink and go to meetings, duh. No kidding. But the person expounded on expanded on that saying that, you know, like, yes, you go to a meeting, but then you also have to pay attention and you have to listen and, and that is the, the, the best thing I had ever heard, not ever. But one of the things I had heard where you really have to listen and sometimes. We're, we're, we, me, I'm, I'm tuned in where it's like, yeah, I'm listening to the person, but I want to, I'm thinking about what I'm going to say to them.

Benyi: 17:10

No, I mean, I get it like sometimes like listening is art, like, you know, listening is definitely an art and I shared that with you. Like I am, I noticed that I'm better at it than just able to listen because like the truth is like, you want to say something because me personally, uh, because I'm afraid of forgetting what I wanted to say. And, you know, so I need to say it now, like, you know, but I'm, I'm, I'm better with it. I'm like, if I forget, I forget. It's not a big deal. It's probably going to come later after, but at the moment, like, yeah, it's about listening. And getting, going there to whoever you listen to, if it's at the conference or meeting or, you know, like whoever the speaker and absorb what they have to say, you know, um, but, uh, what.

Rich: 18:00

And, and the, the, you know, going back to the whole thing about the sponsor, sponsor is good and, and, and without a doubt, I cannot say that I would be sober without the, my first sponsor for, and he's still my sponsor. I mean, I didn't, we, we just kind of dissipated. It wasn't like we yelled at each other or screen, maybe we did yell at screen, but you know, it wasn't like ended, like, Oh, I never want to talk to you again. It just happened. You know, I mean, I, I was with him from, uh, talk, text, or said hello to him at seven o'clock in the morning, go to meetings in the morning, go to a couple other meetings and finished with him by seven o'clock at night, every day for six months. So, I mean, that was really like boot camp. And, I've done other readings where it's like, uh, you know, a sponsor is, is a guide and, and he's not your financial advisor. He's not your relationship counselor. Yeah. He's not your, you know, Oh, you want to buy a house? This is what I suggest. No, you know, he, he's basically showing you and guiding you through the steps and the program. And, and to me, I got that and, and I don't really need to have my hand held. And sometimes you probably, in the beginning I did, I needed to be held and, and not literally have my hand held, but like, I needed to be. Coached and taught and told what to do because I was brand new and I wanted to and and I was scared I wanted to be sober, but as it got on then, you know, I'm a self learner I I can learn things, you know, I read it once I pretty much understand it I'm not saying, you know, crazy stuff like astrophysics or something like that, but you know, but you know, you read something and you learn it and you get it. And, and to me, it's all a learning experience and what you absorb and, and, um, you know, so that's why I feel, you know, Right now I don't have a sponsor. I'm not shutting the door. I never shut the door on anything. So, you know, who knows maybe at some point I'm gonna need because you never know what happens and what brings what happens in your life. Yeah. Right now everything is fine and great and this and that and, um, You know, I don't know what I don't have. I'm not, I don't have a crystal ball, so I don't know what the future is going to bring, but you know, I've learned a lot from, and, and especially the, the sober support group with you and a couple other people, but specifically you, because we, See each other probably more than we should. No, I'm kidding. It's I'm just Boston chops. It's all good. But I mean, we go to the gym, we work out, we go to meetings, we, you know, do commitments together. We, um, you know, box and everything. And, and that's all part of it. And, and it's all part of, you know, what, and, and we even do other things where we've gone to Yankee games. Nick games and you know, that, that's why like the, the girl that the woman that I met at the meeting, it brought me back cause she was like, well, what should I, you know, what are you thinking? I'm like, it's, it all depends on every individual. And I'm not trying to be nasty by saying, well, it's all up to you. It's not, you know, but like in the first, in the beginning, I, I, there was no way in hell when I was two months sober, three months sober, I could go to a baseball game without You know, maybe thinking that, oh wow, there's alcohol here. Now I go to a game. We went to the Yankee game a couple of weeks ago and we've gone to Nick's game and, and

Benyi: 21:44

we're, we're, were offended by the price of, of the alcohol. We're like, no way. We, no way. We paid that. We're like, no way. Yeah. We used to pay that. We did not care. Like, you know, 16th, just

Rich: 21:56

to, the audience knows it's 12. We thought it was$12 and it was 1650 for domestic 1750 a beer. For importance, I mean, that was one beer

Benyi: 22:08

and it was like a tall boy, but still like, I'm like, damn, I like, yeah, I want to stay sober for a little bit longer. I'm not going to

Rich: 22:18

know that we would just not drink one. It would be probably five, 10, who

Benyi: 22:23

knows how many baseball game is three hours and we're like tired. And I was like, how do people do that while drinking? Like, I'm like, no way. But like to go back to what you were saying that, you know, uh, the first month or first two months, you needed to listen because there was no way you're going to get, you know, you are not in the right mindset. I want to, I want to go back to that idea that like, you know, like I think you are fortunate enough and also, you know, because your character, your intelligence to get these things early, uh, to understand, like you said, the material is not rocket science, but like. One needs to put themselves in a position of listening, you know, and I remember we're talking once and you got, you got a grievance with somebody who wasn't sure that you got it right because apparently you are getting it too quickly or like, because you didn't suffer. Relapse as many times as all the others, like, you know, you didn't do like 12 rehab so far for a certain subset, people are like, Oh, are you really good? And like, you know, do you, yeah. Do you want to expand on that? How, how does that work? Especially now you're you're to like, That

Rich: 23:41

would drive me insane. Yeah. First couple of months or not, not like the first seven. Eight, nine, 10 months, you know, where you walk into a mirror, you're like, yes, I don't know. It would be, how are you doing? I'm doing fine. You're really fine. No, I'm just lying to you. What do you think? I, it's all, I'm making it all up, but you know, it would drive me nuts. And then I was like thinking, well, these people aren't getting it. So maybe they're jealous. I'm not jealous, but they're like, Want me to suffer more. And what do I have to do? Go, go out and embarrass myself. You know, I got it. I get it, you know? And the other thing is that also helped me and it's me. And, and, and, and like, I'm a unicorn when it comes to, to, to recovery. I, I'm, I can't, I don't think people could follow what I do and I'm not being cocky or anything, and I'm not trying to beat my chest. But like, my whole thing is I pray like three, four hours a day and, and I'm not saying everybody can do that. Some people, I, I, I, I mean, I couldn't do that a couple of years, but there was no way. But now because of recovery, I'm, I'm constantly in prayer and thanks and, and, and you know, you could say higher power. I, uh, mine is God and you know, so I go to church every day. That's me. And it's not, you know, so if someone's like, well, how do I get to what you're, I'm like, well, you really can't. And, and yes, I can show you the steps and I can show you this and I can show you that. But like, I'm different in that my, my, my brother in law calls me a freak and he's like, you're a freak. He goes, and in a good way. But he's like, because, you know, so, and he knows he's been around people in the program and out of the program and knows what it's like, and he's like, how you get it, he just, and he was amazed and, and my, my godson nephew came, he came to my two year anniversary and he was blown away and he was really happy for me and I mean, he's what, 20 years old, 19, and he goes to Notre Dame, you know, so he's, you know, they're, they're That's what I began my drinking and and it's weird the younger people today. They don't want to drink and I don't know if it's because They, they, you know, they know or whatever, but, but it just isn't like that. I remember my baby, my big drinking years were 18 to 25 and then it just can do it. But I, I learned how to do my drinking in college, you know. I don't know what else I, well, I learned a couple other crazy, well, a couple other things in college and, um, you know, um,

Benyi: 26:24

back when you could take like five guys to finish a keg,

Rich: 26:27

five guys to finish a keg and, you know, and, you know, it was like a lot of different, it was a different time period. I'll just say it that way where things could be different, you know, but. But you know, and it's amazing that you know that, that, and, and I have a couple other nephews who are in college and that, and the, the drinking isn't like on there. Which is good, I guess. Well, no, not I guess. I know it is because I, I've seen what it can do and, and what it did to me, and it didn't destroy me in the beginning, but then as it got longer, I mean, it was just like, what type of life is this

Benyi: 27:05

where,

Rich: 27:06

you know, waking up every day and drinking and doing it. And yes, I was working and, Like the Jimmy Buffett song. I made enough money to buy Miami, I don't know if I was able to buy Miami and I pissed it away so fast. That seems to be what I did. You know, cause I did, and I, and I don't know what a lot of money is, but I did make a good amount of money. And I did piss it away faster than I could make it, you know, and, and, you know, cause when I go out, everybody's out, you know, I got it, I got everybody, you know, and so you've learned to, to, to, to where it's like, wow, that, that was really real insanity. And, um, you know, uh, I, I, I've, I've really learned a lot. The second year, the weird thing is, is that I was holding an amends for a year, cause you know what this bozo did? What? First year, I forgot to, I thanked everybody. I thanked. Oh yeah. I thanked everybody. And. And I thank my mother. I thank the janitor. I thank this. I thank that. Not that anything is wrong about being a janitor because I don't want anybody complaining, but I'm just saying like it just ran the gamut from the president. So I, I, I thanked everybody for my sobriety and I forgot to thank my father. So. I don't know why, maybe I just grouped him in with my mother and I just didn't mention him in, but I should have. So I held that for a year. And so I did that amends at my two year anniversary. And you know, so that, that was, that was quite interesting, you know, and I'm not saying that that's what held me on for a year, but you know, but there were a lot of trials, tribulations and, and, and you know, how am I going to go about, you know, and I don't know. It just happened. That. I just don't have the compulsion or the wanting to drink. And I mean, I've thought about it. It's like, do you want to join? I'm like, I could have a drink. Nobody's going to know, but I'm going to know. And I have a, I have a mad, crazy conscience. I cannot do something and, and, and show up somewhere else and say, no, I'm fine. I could not drink and then go back to go to a meeting and be like, yep, I'm still sober. You know, I can't do that. It would drive me insane because it would just drive me insane. And, um, and yes, I, you know, but every time, but it's like, it's not like a, a, a driving force to drink. It just crosses the mind. It's like, well, do you want to, um, I could, if I want it, but no, I don't want to, and that's the thing I just don't want to have a drink and I don't know that I think it's from the grace of God because And, you know, I, I, like I had, I've said in the past, I pray a lot and, um, you know, I, I also pray for, to keep resentments away because I've had some resentments for some, some women,

Benyi: 30:13

a couple

Rich: 30:13

of them. Yeah,

Benyi: 30:14

but before, before we expand on that, I want to just point out like what you just say, like you pray a lot and you get, um, you know, you're in touch with God and stuff. And I think this is the, if I were to point the finger on what's working and what makes you so spiritually fit right now is that the tools you found to be attuned with your, uh, higher power, because even, even the steps of AA are a guide to be, uh, uh, attuned with our spiritual, uh, higher power. Right. Because even I remember our previous guest, um, uh, Louis, you know, the episode of spiritual fitness. I was like, Louis, is it? Enough to just, you know, go to the steps to be, uh, spiritually fit. And he told me like, no, you need to be a tuner with your higher power. So whatever makes you a tuner with your higher power, that's what like needs to be cultivated. Right. And me, what worked for me, uh, what works for me is the steps. But also the physical part, for me, spirit is both mind and body, right? Like the whole, the three legs, the spirit, mind, body are the three legs of a tripod. One is broken, the whole thing falls, right? And I think that a spiritual tripod,

Rich: 31:46

not a tripod from the gym.

Benyi: 31:47

Yeah. Not the tripod for the gym. No, a spiritual tripod. Oh God. Like the, let's not go there, but yeah, but I think that's what sadly is missing. When, when people in our committee, uh, especially with AA says, like, I went to the steps, but, uh, What did you find your spiritual fitness? Like, you know, did you find a spiritual equilibrium? Like, are you in tune with your higher power? And it's, it's so hard because the spirit, the higher power itself give putting a definition to it is limiting what it is. And yeah, it's hard, like, like you said, like you did it, it's, we know what's more, what works right. Being a, um, a tuna with your higher power, but how to get there is. It's just a guide, but when you're there, you know, like, no, when you're there,

Rich: 32:53

you know, and I mean, I do, and, and, you know, then they go into, you know, we've discussed at meetings and all over the place about surrender and, and, you know, surrender is an interesting word because. I do some service where I speak at North Port VA and all military guys in there, like, they, they were, they were funny. They were telling me, well, not funny, but they were saying how, you know, the surrender is not in their creed to, to, to say, but you know, it's not that surrendering to the enemy. This is surrendering. And giving everything up to God. And they also were saying that what, and a couple of the guys were one was from Vietnam, a couple from Iraq wars and this and that. And, and they were saying, well, in a foxhole, there is always, it's not a question of if there is a God or is it, there is a God that's all there is when you're in the foxhole and, um, you know, but that was me, uh, not in a foxhole, but me with. You know, with the higher power being God, and I didn't have a problem with that, and, and that might have held some other people back where they, they're like, Oh, I can't get the God thing. And that's, and I feel sorry for them, but you know, that, that's part of the spiritual fitness that you need to have because anybody in there, and because like, it's not easy. It's a simple program. There's a difference. And you could go through the 12 steps. It's, you know, boom, I didn't want it to do it. And then all of a sudden you think, Oh, okay. Now, you know, the, the heavens are going to open and I'm like now alcohol and drug and everything free. And that's not necessarily it, you know, cause it, it, from what the big book says to what everybody says, it's a guide and the 12 steps, you know, like even bill W said The 12 steps don't make a project out of it. He's like, be the best version of yourself. Try to help somebody and try not to hurt anybody or yourself. And, and by the end of the day, you've brought, you've done the 12 steps, you know, you know, and, um, but yeah, spiritual fitness is a big, big part of my, uh, being, you know, where. I, a lot of gratitude, I give it up, a lot, almost everything I, well, everything I give up to God, and that's just me, and that's what got me to this place that I'm at, because, um, I mean, I, I really thank for everything. I mean, it's ridiculous, but you know, I, I'm always doing gratitude for anything that happens. And I think if you have that, that also can help because if you don't have gratitude and you, and you're not. You know, thankful for what, for the situation or what you're doing,

Benyi: 35:47

you're

Rich: 35:47

gonna have problems and you know, you relapse, you know, because the thing is, I was thinking about relapse is that that's when you have, you don't have the mental toughness and you don't have the spiritual fitness and you know, that's one of the other things that I've built up and we can go, we'll go into that in a minute, but the mental toughness. In that, you could sit, I could sit, not you, but I could sit and say, I'm going to have a drink, Benny's not going to know, you know, and I don't have to tell him even though my conscience would drive me nuts and I would tell him eventually, but like he's not going to know. And then your mind can play tricks on you and your mind can say, you know what, Rich, you deserve that beer. You deserve that shot. You worked hard. You put two years in, just have one shot. And I know if I just, it's never going to be one shot for me and it's never going to be one drink and, and not that I would do. And if I could only do, if I could only do one drink, I probably wouldn't be an alcoholic, but you know, um, I mean, and, and that's where, you know, the, the, the mind plays tricks on you and it convinces you. That, I don't know, nobody's gonna know, you deserve it, come on, it's only one, let's do it, you know, whatever. And, um, and that's where you run into, that's where I would run into trouble, if I was to go that way.

Benyi: 37:18

Yeah.

Rich: 37:18

But, a lot also that I did was the 75 hard program. Oh yeah, you did that nice. Shout out to that. And if you're not aware, it was, it really built up the, and I did 75 hard, then I did phase one, phase two, then I did, then I just completed a second 75 hard. Then I have to wait 30 days. Before October 25th, because I started 75 hard, October 25th, 2023, and to complete the year of 75 hard, but really this program has,

Benyi: 37:54

can

Rich: 37:54

you describe

Benyi: 37:55

it for those who don't

Rich: 37:55

understand, who don't know, you're doing tasks every day, you have to do two workouts every single day, you have to do an, uh, and one of the workouts has to be outdoors. They have to be three hours apart. You have to take a progress picture. You have to read 10 pages of a self help. Um, type book. You can't read, you know, like a fiction of like, you know, transformers or something. You have to. I mean, yeah, it's all about being and you have to drink a gallon of water and do those five things. And you do them every day for 75 days straight. So if you miss one of them, you have to go back that there was a friend of ours, who's in the program, um, we know. And. He just told me, I forgot to tell you, he, he 57 days and he screwed up drinking water and, and, and he had to start back. No way. So he went 57 days and then he had to go back to the beginning. And I think I think that would build mental toughness that if you're gonna go 50 and 60 whatever days and you, and you miss one and, and see the thing about this program that's amazing is that it, it, it, it, it, it, you have to be honest to yourself, like, cause you could fake things, you could say, well, you know, And each of the workouts has to be 45 minutes. So you could be like, all right, I'll 20 minutes. That's that's good for me. It's half of 45 or, or, or you could say, you know, well, I'm going to read three pages and consider it 10 because, you know, but whatever, you know, and, and, you know, I'm not going to count. Well, and, and I think I drank a gallon of water. I don't know. Maybe. I'm

Benyi: 39:47

not sure. Yeah. It should be about around a gallon, right? It's right around.

Rich: 39:51

And then, I mean, you can't really fake taking a picture. You got to take a progress picture every day. And that's the, that's the key. And the progress picture, yes, you look different, but it's not like Oh, and the other thing you have to do is stick to a diet and not, he doesn't, you know, the rules don't say that you have to stick to a specific diet, but just stick to something. And what I did was I just kept it under a certain amount of calories. So I was on a calories, I could eat anything really. Not anything, but, you know, and I just had to track, I tracked all of my calories to make sure I stayed under, I forget what I did, maybe 2200 calories or something like that, and, um, you know, uh, just did that, but, but these are things that you have to do every single day, and then you got to work it into your life. Yeah. So to do the 75 hard and then go to meetings and go to work, you know, training for boxing and doing, going to the gym and, and doing all sorts of service, going around talking, this built mental toughness, like no, no, uh, you know, uh, like no other, uh, no other program I know. And there are a couple of people. You know, who've done it from the, you know, in the, um, who we know and guests, Katie, we'll give a shout out to Katie. Shout out to you. She did, uh, she did it. She was the one that turned me on to it, you know, because she was like, and then Steve. Um, yeah, it was the one and, um, the book was floating around at the one, one of the meetings and I took and I was like, let me take a look at this and it really, I fell in love with it. I'm just like, and now I'm, I finished 75 hard, right? The second 75. Hard around my 20, uh, on the 25th. So I've been kind of like, you know, now I, I don't have to do it because I completed that, but I still do. I do like a, a walk. I still, I don't take the picture every day, every couple of days maybe, but I do drink, still drink a gallon of water, still pay attention to the, to the diet. Still read. To, to better myself. And to me, I think either the PR this guy, Andy for Sela, he's the one that did the 75, either he, I, it doesn't say that he's an AA, but it said that. Maybe he was around it because he had mentioned in it because that's another thing which I just kind of took as nothing. You can't drink alcohol for 75 days. Yeah, you cannot drink alcohol. That's part of it. And I just was like, well, you know, that was kind of a given for me. But you know, this program really goes one on one the 75 hard with Maintaining this, this type of, um, discipline and mental toughness and, and, and, you know, commitment and discipline and, and, and, you know, through it, the one thing I learned and, and between that program and AA. And, and, uh, recovery is that when you first are getting sober, you get motivation, I want to get sober. That's kind of like everybody in January who signs up for the gym. Everybody's motivated to do it. Bye. After a while, then you have to have discipline to continue and do what you have to do to stay sober. And, and, and to me, I wouldn't want to go back to what I was because, I mean, I'm looking damn good. No, I'm kidding, but I probably am. I don't know if I am or not, but anyhow, I've lost like a lot of poundage and I, you know, and I'm not drinking and I'm feeling great and, and looking alive. And I mean, You know, um, people are, are giving me compliments. I don't know.

Benyi: 44:00

That's where you're looking. You're looking great.

Rich: 44:02

And the other thing I was thinking was that what, by being sober, what it's done for me, it's giving me the ability to do what I was meant to do. And I was meant to do this from, I don't know, maybe from whenever, but like now I'm doing things that I never would have thought of, I mean, doing boxing, you know, I mean doing things. Where I don't have to plan around, uh, I can't get in the car because I just had five drinks now. It doesn't matter what time. Oh, you want me to be there at seven o'clock at night? But in the past, I'd be like, well, you know, I can't make it because I've already had 20 drinks. We're not 20 dry, but you know, and, and so it, it's really, um, awakened me and, and, and made me feel more alive and young.

Benyi: 44:53

And let me just stop you for a second here. Um, so like earlier, before we move too far and if you're, um, when you say that, like, you know, the 75 hour program kept you honest and the thing about discipline, I totally agree with that. Um, Made me think about this, like, sometime, I'll, I mean, they say all time, alcohol is not the problem, it's the solution. Do you think that in order to be spiritually fit, of course, you need to work on your default character, but will you, will, will, do you, okay, here is what I think, I think that what makes it so hard for some, not able to get it, Is that their default of character is then other people who are, they're not the best at being honest with themselves. They're not the best at being disciplined. They're not also the best out of wanting to, you know, I don't want to say people because saying like, you don't want it bad enough is, it's not fair. We all want to be better. We all want to, to, to, to, to, to not suffer, but there's a difference. Like you said, when you surrender. And like, um, acceptance of your condition and you're ready to go to any length and I think being ready to go to any length to accept. To, to, in order to be spiritually fit in tells that there need to be some work in your default or character that you're not going to find in a big book be like, Oh man, if you're a selfish bastard, well, you need to do that. Those are things that you know, you need to feel fine outside of that's

Rich: 46:42

why I love, you know. The, the, the group down in Long Beach, no matter what, because no matter what we got to do, what we have to do to do what we have to do, that's that I think doesn't make sense. But what we have to do every day to be with the best person that we want to be. And then by doing that, you know, and, and like people may call it self love, self care, whatever. But by doing that. By you being how you're being, and you're being the best person you can, you're attracting people and they're like, I want to be with that person, not romantically, but I want to be with or have what they have and be with that person because they're leading the life that I really want to lead. And the other thing is about the spiritual fitness. I think it comes because like, I've always gone to church, that's just me and like, I was going when I was drinking, I would go to mass and then afterwards I would go right to the liquor store, so it, you know, but I think I was just more or less, you know, doing it just because for whatever reason, not just doing it, I believed and, and I always was very religious and very spiritual, but I was just kind of like going, you know, whatever. It, this is ever since recovery has started, it's given me a stronger spirituality that I've ever had before where, you know, uh, and I think when you have that spiritual fitness and there's a higher power and God surrendering to God in every way, shape, or form that also leads out. It leaves out. The me, because the minute you feel that, Oh, I'm best and I can do this and I'm, you know, that's when you could relapse.

Benyi: 48:38

Yeah.

Rich: 48:38

That's my feeling. I don't know if that's everybody's feeling, but I think the minute you take something away and then they're like, Oh, well, I relapsed. Well, why did you relapse? Well, because I thought I got that.

Benyi: 48:48

Yeah.

Rich: 48:49

Well, that's because you think you're the best thing in the world. And yes, you can be the best thing in the world, but you got to remember that there's a higher power, somebody that's, that's, that is something that's going to guide you in that way, because the minute we, and that's how everything falls, I think, and I'm not trying to get really super deep about it, but when all of a sudden you think that you're better than everything else and that you don't need any other help, That's when people fall, you know, we've seen it a million times.

Benyi: 49:23

Yeah. We've seen it a million times. That's crazy.

Rich: 49:26

I mean, you've seen it in all different, uh, parts of, of society. That's when things fall and marriages and I, I'm not going to get, we're not committed because then we'll be talking for 20, 20, 20 years, but I'm saying like once it's about you and, and, and you just think that you're, you're You know, the best thing since sliced bread, then, you know, then things can fall apart where you, you think, Oh, I'm untouchable. So I can have a drink, but you're not untouchable or you're not, uh, prone, uh, you know, you're not protected from, you know, you, you think you're better than anything and that, you know, I can have a drink because I'm rich and I can have a drink. No, I can't because if I have a drink, I'm going to have a second, third, fourth, and 20th. And, and then there's going to be problems and then it's going to lead to other things and you know, that's why, you know, I, I always thought like, well, why would I, I wouldn't want to go back to what I was and, and someone said it in the rooms the other night, you never hear a story. Of people saying, Oh, it's much better when you go back out. Oh my God. I got to tell you this story. I relapsed that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Benyi: 50:43

Never hear that. There will not be a hoggers, but like, um, like, uh, how, how. Now that you like in that state of mind and thankfully, like you currently, you know, spiritually fit, um, to go back to how do you approach, um, people like who wants to, to get sober, you mentioned that woman that you briefly talked to, but like, um,

Rich: 51:16

I, I,

Benyi: 51:16

I,

Rich: 51:17

I see what you, where are you going with it? And the thing is, I can help them and say this because

Benyi: 51:23

you do a lot of service and I do speak, you speak at a lot of facilities, rehabs and stuff like that. But then, you know,

Rich: 51:33

I mean, it's, it's like when it came back to when it comes down to it with me and getting sober, it wasn't because, you know, I didn't blame. Yeah, my parents, I didn't blame, you know, because of the job I had, I didn't blame religion. I didn't blame. It was me. I wanted to pick up the drink and, and, and, you know, with, with being sober, the thing that everybody I think has to realize is, do you want to be sober once you want it? Once you realize you want to be sober, then you can always get spiritual fitness. You might not get it in the beginning. I think there are a ton of people that didn't get it in the beginning. I've heard that there were atheists who started out in AA and then they became devout Christians by the end. And so you can build up your spiritual fitness, but the number one thing is number one, step number one. Not to, you know, to, to go back that, you know, um, powerless over alcohol and my, and my life is unmanageable. Once you realize that and you don't think, Oh, well, you know what? I can just manage this because I thought for years my life was manageable and I was managing, I was managing insanity. That's what I was doing. I wasn't managing anything. And, you know, but I really believe that once it's in your mind, then the program is simple and well, no, the program is simple, but it's not easy and, and I mean, look at the 12th and yes, but you have to really, because you and I could both do the 12 steps and say, all right, I did one and it's all kind of like mental, mental masturbation that I got, like, yeah. I'm just checking things off and okay. Now I did four narrative five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. All right. Now, now come on, make me sober. I've done 12. No, that's not it. Yeah. You know, and, um, I, I really, with other people, I will help anybody. I just, I'm not ready yet to, to guide somebody through the steps.

Benyi: 53:43

No, yeah. I've finished myself for, I'm not ready to guide me personally. And in my shot, somebody, some people I'm not willing to sponsor anybody because I need to, I am not speaking for myself. I need to know your people's intentions because I know myself how frustrated I will get, right. Um, I do service other ways, but like for sponsorship. I need to, I need to get somebody. I will prefer for my first sponsor to be somebody who really gets step one, be like. You know, who's like, I surrender not out, like, you know, not out, like, Oh, I just got out of a bender. I'm like, desperate right now, surrender. And then in three days, I think I'm going to get it again. And we, and I know people like that and those guys, like, I can't, because I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to do something to get angry. Good thing

Rich: 54:46

you said that. You know, because I, I was feeling the same way, but I wanted you to say it first. Okay. No, no. Because the thing is, it would drive me probably insane if someone I was sponsoring just didn't get it. It probably would. And it probably, because. Of the service I do and the type of person I am, it would take a lot out of me to help somebody. And I don't mind doing that, but you know, if, if they didn't, it would probably really upset me a lot. And I would need to know, yeah. Intention is everything. With anything that you do? I believe intention. Like why is he or she being nice to me? Yeah. What's her or his intention behind it all? And, and, and call me crazy, but I need to know that.

Benyi: 55:35

Yeah.

Rich: 55:36

You know, there's

Benyi: 55:36

nothing wrong. We the one, eight to,

Rich: 55:38

and, and I need to show people my intentions are pure and this and that of what, of why I'm building a friendship or doing something nice for someone. Because, you know, you got to think that way because, you know, it's a pretty girl. Oh, yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll be your sponsor, even though it's supposed to be men with men and women with women. You know, it's a, you know, she's, she's, she's something's fine, fine, you know, but you know, it's all about intentions and you know, you know, when it comes down to it and I'm glad you said that because I'm not really ready to sponsor anybody.

Benyi: 56:13

Yeah.

Rich: 56:14

I had somebody. And he asked for help, and I got him a sponsor.

Benyi: 56:18

Yeah.

Rich: 56:19

And, um, cause, you know, it takes a lot. And the thing is, going back to what my brother in law said, I'm a freak show, when it comes to AA. And, and I'm a unicorn in that, yes, I'd done the 12 steps in this and that, whatever, but there's like so many different other aspects of how I've stayed sober that I don't know if everybody would want to do that,

Benyi: 56:45

you

Rich: 56:46

know, I don't know, it just, you know, and, and I, I just love the way, you know, one day at a time and staying in the present because, you know, You go in the past, depression, you go in the future, anxiety, and I know that's said in a lot of meetings, but just think about it. I mean, I'm talking to the audience. Just think about that. If you go in the back, maybe not everything is depressing in the past. But a lot could be if you're in where I'm at or where I've been, and then you go to the future and you're like, well, I can be anxious. What the hell's gonna happen? How am I? I need money. I need this. I need that. What's gonna am I still gonna be able to be sober? Stay in the present. And you're, you're, you're, you're in a, um, a balance.

Benyi: 57:36

Yeah.

Rich: 57:37

And you know, what was the guy said on Jerry Maguire? Or, or whatever that was where you're in that fe feeling. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't remember watching. I can't No, no, I'm just saying, it just came to me because of what he was saying when he was, you know, but like, you know, you, you, you just have to be in and, and you get that piece and then everybody else lives off of it, and. Stoicism that is such a big one where I can only control myself and, and there are a lot of other things and I'm teaching other people that who aren't in the program and they're just like, how can you be that way? I'm like, well, it's not all it is, but like a lot of it has to do with the stoic mindset and, and, and I think that's what, but what helps us.

Benyi: 58:26

All right. So like, yeah, we, um, yeah. That's so beautiful to say, like we are reaching the hour mark and, uh, I want, I would like you to close with, you know, I would like to close with that last question. Um, what is something that you learned about yourself in your second year that you didn't know in your first year?

Rich: 58:50

Seriously, the mental toughness, which I talked about and no, and then no matter what, yeah, doing what, no matter what it takes to do and, and I mean, this is this, this isn't easy. I mean, you get up every day. I could drink, I could smoke, I could do whatever. I mean, I just quit smoking again. I stopped for 16 years. Then, then for whatever reason, I started Vaping and smoking stop vaping like, like it was nothing that I was like, well, I'm just gonna have cigarettes and now I'm like day three of no smoking. Okay. And, and I, I was like smoking for a long time and, and this might be an answer to also where I just finally got it in my head and I'm like. I don't want to smoke anymore. Same thing as drinking. I just thought, because I was smoking and maybe I was doing it for whatever reason, replacing something, but like, I got it into my mind and we'll see what happens, but it's one day at a time. But I, I didn't drink and I didn't smoke today. So, you know, cigarettes. And that's good. And I'm not none of the other stuff, but, but, you know, and, and the thing I learned was the mental toughness and that if I put my mind to something I can accomplish a lot and I learned about service and, and, and, and community and, and, and friendship and, and, and, um, you know, sober support and, you know, like, you know, You know, you being there no matter what and, and, and, and, you know, I mean, I'm not trying to like, you know, to, to, to suck up to you because you're, this is your podcast and stuff, but really you've been there for me and helped me no matter, even like driving to go work out, even though we're doing it together, it keeps me sober. And when we're going to other things and we're going down to the beach. And we're going to make coffee and we're going to do this or that or whatever it's, it's, it's, it's all, you know, part of, uh, part of the game that I need. And another thing I'm thinking about to what I want to be in three for third year. And it's not necessarily I'm thinking way ahead, but like, I have these goals of where I was, where I am, where I want to be. And so I want to be sober in three years, for the third, three years in a row, which is my third anniversary. And you take it one day at a time, and it will happen. I hope I don't have a crystal ball, but, but so far so good, man.

Benyi: 1:01:24

So, yeah, let me like, we're going to conclude. Thank you guys for listening. I just want to finish with this. Yo, Rich, what are you doing is amazing, and you are testament of this program works. Like, you know, the program of AA works like that. We can definitely add more to that program, like stoicism, recovery, that it doesn't, we don't have to swear by one allegiance to one thing, like it's a mix, whatever works for you, works for you. And I'm so glad to call you my friend, man. And I'm really, really happy for you that, you know, that you reach year two. And again, thanks for being a guest on the podcast. Thank you. Love you, brother. You too, man. And guys, uh, I will see you in a couple of weeks. Bye.