Bust and Beyond
Failure is a part of life and business, and I experienced the failure of a business in 2015 that my father had started in 1969. The effect it had on me emotionally was huge, yet the outside world knew nothing. I kept it to myself. I learnt so much from that failure, and it made me determined to support other business owners in the construction industry to avoid failure and flourish.
As I started to speak to business owners about failure, I learnt just how many had suffered from mental health issues and harmful thoughts. This drove me to start my podcast to educate and let people know how to avoid failure and know if they are going through failure, they are not alone, but more importantly, there is life and success after the failure of your business.
Bust and Beyond
E41 Coaching, Mentoring, And Mindset
If you’ve ever wondered whether you need a coach or a mentor—or why so many promises in the coaching world fall flat—this conversation gets honest about what really creates change. We unpack the practical difference between coaching (drawing out your own answers) and mentoring (handing you a proven path), then show how a thoughtful blend of both can unlock momentum when your calendar and your nerves say otherwise.
We walk through the roots of the industry’s bad reputation—low barriers to entry, recycled slide decks, and glossy guarantees—and contrast that with a process built on clarity, accountability, and measured progress. From peer “boards” with AI-minuted action points to open team scorecards, we share tools that move owners from agreement to implementation. The thread underneath it all is mindset: how beliefs quietly keep you on site instead of leading, how time becomes the new excuse when funding removes cost, and how small wins compound into confidence and identity shifts.
Beyond business mechanics, we tackle the world outside the office: social media’s manufactured envy, the pressure to perform, and the way grief and loss can reset a life’s direction. You’ll hear candid stories about failed companies, family bereavement, and the silver linings that power purpose. Growth means discomfort—giving the speech, running the first workshop, scoring performance in the open—and then turning that discomfort into a habit. If you’re tired of firefighting and ready to work on the business, not just in it, this is your map for choosing a trustworthy guide, demanding a transparent process, and doing the work that actually changes results.
Enjoyed the conversation? Follow the show, share it with someone who needs a nudge out of their comfort zone, and leave a quick review with your biggest takeaway—what will you act on this week?
Hello and welcome to Bust and Beyond with your host Robin Hayhurst. In this podcast, Robin will introduce guests that have known failure and want to share their story about how they got through it and what happened next. This will make you learn how to see things from a new perspective and avoid making the same mistakes. Please welcome Robin Hayhurst.
SPEAKER_00:Hello everybody and welcome to another recording of uh Boston Beyond. I'm here yet again with Carla Smith. Hello! We had a great uh conversation last time, and I thought we'd carry that on, and we would talk about uh more about coaching and mentoring and mindset today. So hello Carla, how are you?
SPEAKER_02:I'm fine, how are you, Robin? Thanks for having me again.
SPEAKER_00:Very well, actually, very well indeed. So um so yesterday was on quite an interesting podcast. I was on uh Core Loops podcast, I've forgotten what they called it, and they've actually got a studio, they rented a studio in London and you know sitting on a you know seat and doing it on video, which is um yeah, it was it was definitely different. It's as it's the third one I've done like that. So they're they're they're a bit different to like ours one, our ones are recorded on Riverside. You know, you're miles away from me, it'd be a long, a long way to meet up, wouldn't it?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, it would take a few hours. A few lot of hours.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. So I wanted to really talk about coaching and mentoring. You know, it's something we both do. So, coaching and mentoring, I think it's got a bit of a bad kind of reputation. I don't know if it has in South Africa. There's lots of people doing it. Firstly, what's the difference between coaching and mentoring? And secondly, you know, why has it got a bad reputation? What do you think?
SPEAKER_02:So, and that's it's actually an interesting question, and it's a good question because you know, I classify myself as a life coach who's now studying psychology. And even in one of my lectures, the one lecturer said, he mentioned, oh, you're a life uh, because I mentioned I'm a life coach. And he's like, There's lots of those around, because any can anyone can just qualify as a life coach. So it's almost got this reputation. If if you've got nothing else to do, then do a coaching course. It could be two weeks, never mind two years, two weeks, then you classify as a life coach or some kind of coach, wellness coach, and then you can go out there and coach people, which is actually quite dangerous and it's actually quite unethical as well. And I think that's why there's a bad rap. Uh, I I know I uh this is how I feel about South Africa, is because it's almost like anyone can qualify as as a coach, and it's easy. It's easy to do it. And by doing so and putting yourself out there and helping people or trying to help people, you can actually mess them up if you don't know what you're doing.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. I think it's the same for uh business coaches. So I've seen people who have say joined a franchise, you know, they've got lots of workbooks to come back on, like they've got slides for everything. Yeah. But if someone has kind of got a problem outside of the information they've got in front of them, they can't solve it because they've got no experience of running the business. And again, it's a problem. And I think it's it's generally a problem in both sides, you know. And firstly, let's just talk about the difference between coaching and mentoring before I go on go on to more about the problem. Coaching really is about supporting you to find your own solutions as I see it. Would you agree with that?
SPEAKER_02:I would totally agree with that. You're taking someone from where they are at, helping them move forward, but not telling them how to move forward, they're finding their own answers by exploring and processing things in the coaching, in the coaching space. So, yes, I agree with that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so you think about sports coaching, you know, you don't have to be an Olympic runner to coach an Olympic runner.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So, you know, it's about helping them find find their way forward.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Mentoring, as I see it, is more this is how you do it. I've been there, done it, this is how you do it.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. This is these are the steps to follow. This is what I recommend you do. If maybe it doesn't work, we can relook at it, sort of thing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and and I think there's always a bit of coaching in mentoring.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Because I find some clients kind of don't get it. It's a bit uncomfortable, you know, perhaps sacking someone or or speaking to someone in a kind of, you know, to to try and improve what they're doing, they find really difficult. And I think just to sit there and go, just do it, it doesn't really work. So they've got to kind of find their own way. And they've got to make a few mistakes, occasionally in mentoring. But a lot of mentoring is about look, I've been there and done this. If you want the right solution, this is most probably the right thing for you. Or at least it needs to include these aspects.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And I agree. So there's overlaps with all of these things, you know, even therapy, coaching, mentoring, all of there is an overlap. But when we are put out or we put ourselves out as coaches, that's that's predominantly what we do. We coach. It's like if you're a psychologist, you give therapy into whatever modality it is. It's the same kind of thing.
SPEAKER_00:No, I totally get that. And I think it's really important that people out there understand the difference. And actually, I mistakenly, or I because it's an accepted word, I've been using the word coach to describe myself, and I'm moving over to use the word mentor because I do a bit of coaching, tiny little bit of coaching in it, because at the end of the day, you know, for me, and and this is a really big subject, mindset, which is something you can coach people towards, is really, really important in business and very, very important in life. Would wouldn't you agree?
SPEAKER_02:Totally agree. I believe that if our what whatever we do is backed by our mindset. So if something possibly isn't working in our life, we have to go back and look at what is our mindset? Where are we at? If something is working, oh, okay. You know, that's positive for the mindset. It actually makes your mind even better, especially when we're doing well in life. But if we're not, we have to really go, it's an inward journey and we have to go, okay, what's not working in our minds? What do we need to assess and process and change that we can move forward in a different way?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I totally agree with that. Mindset, I as I see it, is one of the big things that hold people back. So, as an example, we run ads. So we run ads because we have a course called the Construction Success Program. It's for construction business owners, and we get two or three people a day signing up for more information. So that's what we ask them. They want more information because not everyone's a good fit for the program, and you know, basically, do they want more information? So few people in our in my industry then move forward at all. So they won't reply to emails, they won't reply to texts, they kind of we send them a brochure. Now, maybe it's of no interest to them, but it's unlikely. And I actually was trying to analyse this the other day, and I've been in the industry for a long time. I know it's very male-oriented, so kind of part of it is well, you know, we should edit this by ourselves, but then at the same time, why did they ask for more information? And I think another part of it is just mindset, they are so focused on running their business, they haven't got time for this. And this is what I do is often paid for by the CITB. Okay, so there's very little cost to my clients, and they don't seem to get that, and they just kind of go, Well, I can you know I can't afford the time. So it's a bit like life coaching, you know, in the fact how do you get to these people, how do you get them to understand that if you don't change something, nothing will change. Yeah. And also, you don't know what you don't know. Yeah, it's so true. You know, it's it's it's the two things that I keep on going on about. We've had such amazing success with clients on the program. It's really made it the kind of thing I want to do with my life because of the success we've had with that. And yes, I earn a good living out of it, but actually, my biggest reward is seeing a client go from overwhelmed, not having time, not being sure of themselves, not having the right mindset, to being really in control, having all the process in place. Profit goes up. I don't like that part of the industry that, you know, or the coach industry that goes, you know, oh yeah, we'll increase your profits by tenfold and you know, return on investment, all this kind of rubbish. Can't guarantee that. So I'm not gonna say it. But it happens a lot.
SPEAKER_02:What I find to to interrupt you there is that people don't they don't see necessarily see the value that they're gonna get from actually going on a coaching journey. So they don't see it as an investment, it's an investment for themselves. So and it's it's almost a priority. So they would prioritize, say, and I always say, you know, you'll go and buy clothes or go for dinner or go and for entertainment and all of that, but you you you don't want to prioritize your mind, your mind that's actually going to hold you in good stead for the rest of your life. You know, you'll go to the gym, maybe, and then get the body, get the body working, but the mind needs to work too.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, uh absolutely. I mean, I do that in so many ways. There's a great thing about, you know, I was reading the other day, I quite liked it. I like a glass of wine, you know. What can I say? But it said, you know, look, wine's bad for you. You know, alcohol is bad for you. But there was a study that kind of came out that said drinking alcohol in a social environment, so you know, particularly the say in the Mediterranean, nice and warm, sitting outside, having a glass of wine and a chat, is really good for you. The wine's still bad for you, but the overall kind of effect it has of you relaxing, laughing, joking, is amazing for your life.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So, you know, despite the fact that alcohol is a poison, drinking it occasionally in the right environment is really good for you. And your mind, of course.
SPEAKER_02:And it's also taking you out of you know, your everyday things, your everyday, daily routine. And it's like you say, your your body's relaxing, your mind's relaxing. We can achieve more when we also look after ourselves, which includes also looking after the mind. You know, we achieve more. And what I find with my clients is, you know, they might be hesitant to start, but once they start, they don't want to stop. Because then they realize, oh, is this what it's about? Because it's also, you know, they they they could be a little bit uneducated as to what is this process, they've never been on this process before, they've never done this journey before. It could be very overwhelming and and and scary for some people to sit in front of someone that you don't even know and tell your life story to, and and they're gonna analyze you, like they say, and then they're gonna help you move forward. There is from the from the client's perspective, there is an overwhelm there. But when they're in front of you and you actually are talking and putting action steps in place and things are changing for them, that's when I find that's when they they they really buy in because they can see the benefit of it, but they have to be in the process already. They can see the benefit and they can see this can help me.
SPEAKER_00:But me and you know the results we can get with people. Yes. But going back to our very first opening conversation, is this not a lot about trust? Because there's so many people out there offering amazing results, both in you know, business and in life, but so few are actually there to deliver. You know, it's a big ticket thing, isn't it? You know, people can spend, you know, working with me, people could spend£24,000 a year, you know, for some of my biggest clients. How am I going to deliver for them? You know, where's the trust? The trust has to be there. So people want to get into my industry and do what I do because you know, you don't mean need very many clients to make a good living. But you've got to deliver, and I'll be really honest, when I first started five years ago, I had the knowledge I didn't know how to deliver for clients.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:So I was kind of rushing around here and there and and everywhere else, trying to solve problems for them, rather than actually standing back and looking at the whole problem and having a process.
SPEAKER_02:Almost like a holistic view.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, absolutely. So things have changed dramatically for me now, where I have a lot of processes and I put people through a course, and you know, and you see that eureka moment, if you understand that, the kind of ah, yeah, I get it now.
SPEAKER_02:Totally.
SPEAKER_00:And then the results they have.
SPEAKER_02:And it was a journey for you, right, Robin? Like, you know, when you started, as you said, you didn't know, you thought you would just, you know, had to solve these certain problems, but you had to step back and go, okay, what am I actually solving for my clients? And that's actually the value you're selling. That's the value you're selling. And then your clients start trusting you, believing in you, relying on you in in some way, because now you're part of their business, and you become like a pref preferred source to communicate with. That's who you become. Oh, absolutely. And necessary, necessary for their business growth as well as their personal growth.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'd like to think of myself for some clients as a director on their board. So, you know, I'm not, I don't want to be in that situation, but you know, I act like that. So that's that's quite useful. Just a bit of common sense sometimes when they're head heading down the wrong road. For my groups, we've started a thing which is called the board of peers. So at the end of each workshop, we have a meeting, it's like a board meeting. We talk about their problems and how we're gonna get over everyone in gets involved in trying to solve the problems, and then we have accountability in it because they sit down and they say exactly what they're gonna do by the next meeting, so we have action points, and that's all recorded by AI, okay, and the minutes are produced by AI, and then we send them around. Okay, and it's been really, really productive so far, and we've only just started it. So you know, it's all kind of important stuff, but getting my clients into the right mindset is a really interesting thing, and I think their mindset changes quite quickly when they realise they've got some help, and also their confidence changes quite quickly. I think I was speaking to my clients the other day, different groups, and trying to get feedback. And without kind of the groups talking to each other, what I got back was that their confidence had changed. They had confidence they could build the business, whereas before it was all a bit overwhelming.
SPEAKER_02:And and and that also probably boils down to you know their self-belief, because when clients come and see coaches and that they they've agreed to that process, usually underlying underlying everything is the belief they have on themselves that can I do this or can't I? Am I going to fail? Or what is gonna happen? You know, it's almost like all that uncertainty, worst-case scenarios. So when they start believing in themselves, and I find that happens through a coaching journey, the the way they see the world and the way they see their business and the way they see themselves automatically changes because the way they they actually view themselves now has changed.
SPEAKER_00:So, how how do you go about changing changing that in someone? So, I mean, or how would you suggest they they try and change it in themselves? Yeah, just to start their journey. What's the kind of what's the the thing they need to do?
SPEAKER_02:And it's an interesting question. So, you know, it's it differs client to client because it depends, you know, everyone comes with with a different, I want to call it a worldview. And it's it's it comes from their conditioning, it comes from how they were brought up, their experiences, what they went through, their hardships, what was good, what was not so good. They all meet me as a coach at a different place. They're all at different places in their lives. But what I find is if they are super comfortable and super safe and they trust me as the coach, and they are able to open up and talk about what is really weighing heavy on them, and they they are able to communicate that they can process things in a different way, and they just start seeing just by even that interaction, that communication, they start seeing things in a different way because they've come to me with a certain perspective, just because we we live in our minds, so that is our mind perspective. But when we talk to a coach, uh um and when they talk to me and we try to communicate different things, they are able to have different thought patterns. Those perspectives change, so they are able to navigate things differently. So what they maybe have thought is uh terrible about them, they didn't see that. But if you hadn't gone through that, you wouldn't be here right now experiencing what you're going through. So, can you see how that added value to your life? It's about looking at things, I want to call it holistically, in a different way. And they've never had most of them have never had discussions about any any of this before. Yeah, and it just changes the way does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, is is that based around NLP then?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I would say it is. I would say it is a linguist.
SPEAKER_00:Just explain that to everybody because I know I know what it is, but most people won't.
SPEAKER_02:On a very, I want to call it like brief view, it is it's almost reprogramming your mind, reprogramming our mind. So it's taking it's looking at you know where we are currently in our mindset, and there is a gap between where we are and where we want to be. So, how do we close that gap? There has to be a mind shift, the brainwaves and the all of that has to change so that we're able to navigate things in a different way.
SPEAKER_00:Right, okay. So briefly. I know it's more complex than that, and it's about going back to the point where you perhaps adopted that mindset, and it might be a particular thing that happened, you know, and it it's it's an interesting area, and I think mindset is so important with people, and I'm finding that more and more, you know. I speak to hundreds of construction business owners, and a lot of them are very what I call manana.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, what is that?
SPEAKER_00:Manana is a Spanish word, which means um, I think the the we we think it means uh tomorrow, so not today, but I think S means not today. So I don't I think manana means not today, but um it's a Spanish word. So we we see the Spanish as being very kind of oh yeah, we'll do that tomorrow, and then tomorrow we'll do tomorrow. Tomorrow. As per the Annie song, yeah, as for the Annie song, tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow's always tomorrow.
SPEAKER_02:There's a little bit of procrastination in that.
SPEAKER_00:A lot of it, I think, yeah. So I speak to a lot of people who go, Yeah, we know we need to sort things out, but we'll do it tomorrow, next year, next week, next month. And and the excuse has always been interesting. When I first started, it was money, and I get that. I've had that. I've I've wanted to help people know myself and get some help and do this. And you know, money has been an issue. I've always been good at finding money, one way or another, but um it's been an issue. But now it's not money because a lot of what I do is mainly funded, so now it's the biggest excuse is time. So I'm so busy failing in my business that I can't see that I'm failing, that I haven't got time to sort it out. And I think that's what they're really saying, but they don't realise it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So you get a lot of that, and um I remember um I love restaurants and I love local restaurants. I was down at a a restaurant locally, and I thought, yeah, this is alright, this restaurant, it's it's it's not brilliant, but it's okay. And I speaking to the owners, I always do, because local restaurants, I I live locally. I was saying, you know, it's a bit quiet, you know, is business not taking up. They said, Well, we're trying everything we can, we're opening all hours and stuff like that. I said, Well, what you need to do, because even back then, this was like 10-15 years ago, I used to kind of have a good strong opinion about how to run a business. I said, You need to get out there in into the community and get people to see you because people love to go to a restaurant where they know the owner. It's a you know, it's a big thing. You know the owner, you go to a restaurant. I said, you could join Rotary, you could join Chamber of Commerce, just get out there, network, meet people, and people come to your restaurant to try it out. And they said, We haven't got time to do that. Was too busy running the restaurant. And I looked at the restaurant, which was about a quarter full, and thought, well, so what you really do is saying it's just too busy to go out there and find business. You're too busy failing. And and it was kind of the first time where kind of I had stepped out of someone else's business and you could just see it so clearly, they couldn't see it. I could not convince them that going out there and and networking was gonna help them at all. Help them, and they went bust about three months later. Sure.
SPEAKER_02:So you saw the writing on the wall.
SPEAKER_00:It's so easy to do that, though, isn't it? It's like someone's life when you look inside their life from the outside, you can see what they're doing because you're not emotionally attached to their life, their people in their life, and everything else. You can see who's toxic, who isn't. Same with the business, you can see what they're doing wrong really quickly because you know, Fred, who's worked for them for 20 years or 10 years or whatever, who's actually useless and is most probably the main reason they haven't grown the company, is their best mate, and he's so loyal and he's been with them forever, and they've got this emotional attachment to them.
SPEAKER_02:Almost like there's these psychological things going on as well, because then you feel guilty to get rid of them, they've been there for a hundred years, where they're gonna go afterwards. And I suppose it doesn't just happen in business, you know, it happens in in family environments too, relationships, all of those, you know, all different environments. And then to go back to the business part, you know, I call that working in the business and not working on the business. You know, when you're so in it, you know, as the business owner or you know, as the director or whoever it is that's you know, you're putting out fires all day because that's just what's what's happening culture in the culture of the business, that you don't you can't actually step back to take like even five minutes to say, sure, what is actually going wrong here? Like what should I be doing differently? Because it's just put out fires, put out fires, put out fires.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, you've absolutely hit the nail on the head, and that's what happens. The problem with our industry, construction, is we're really good at firefighting. We're really good at it because we have so many unknowns. So we have to be good at firefighting. I think we quite enjoy it and we rely rely on it as a skill. And also when I speak to business owners and they go, Oh, I keep getting dragged back to site. No, I think it's because you enjoy being on site and you go down and you find an excuse to go down there, and that's the real reason. Not always, but you know, that often is you know the reasoning. Occasionally call out my clients when they say, Yeah, this is what's happening, this is why it's happening, and I just go, You're lying. Now they don't realize they're lying. I shocked them by using that that phrase because actually, when they kind of think about it, they're lying to themselves. That's what they're doing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. They're also in a little bit of denial because maybe they enjoy the drama every day. There is that there that happens. You enjoy the drama, it fuels you, it becomes a habit. I've seen it, I've been in it myself. It just becomes what you do every day. So to be able to step back and look at things with a different eye set or with a different mindset is it's not even thought of. It's not even thought of. No. It's almost putting no, and you put your your it's like an ostrich that puts its head under what in the ground and hides.
SPEAKER_00:And thinks it tends, yeah. Miracle is miraculously catching the ground.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, miraculously things are gonna change. And like you said just now, no, you know, if we don't change ourselves, nothing changes. Nothing. Nothing.
SPEAKER_00:It's a big trust issue moving forward. So whether it's life coaching or business coaching or business mentoring, as we spoke about earlier, there are so many people out there going, I am going to change your life, I am gonna change your business, I'm gonna make you a multimillionaire, I'm gonna after a while, all these things kind of just say, Well, everyone's saying that, but they can't, I'm sure they can't deliver. There's a mistrust, you know. We tr in this country, we mistrust mistrust estate agents. Estate agents will always lie to you to get the sub secondhand car salesmen. We mistrust. Because, you know, we're going to buy a terrible car off them and we don't trust that it's you know it's gonna be a good car. We don't trust them. And we're starting to mistrust business coaches and life coaches.
SPEAKER_02:I agree with that. I've seen it myself. So, and that's why it's so important for you know, us as ethical and coaches that actually do want to make a difference, that we, you know, we what we're putting out there is trusting to people. You know, if we say, you know, not over not saying we're going to make them a million rand or whatever it is, and then no, you can't deliver on that. Because we all know, well, I I know as a coach that things take time. It's a journey. It doesn't just things don't just miraculously happen. Um, you know, yes, maybe you'll get a client that only sees you once and then they've, you know, they've answered their question. That's in terms of my life coaching. But otherwise, things take time to change because they've got a process to go through at the same time, which should be explained to them. You know, it should be explained that it's not it's not a magic wand. There's no magic wand here that's going to make everything miraculously okay in a month or two months or three months. Will you see changes? Yes, you will, but they're going to be gradual changes. Just as you've got to this place and maybe it's taken you 40 years to get here, it's not going to take four days to have a different life.
SPEAKER_00:No. No, and it's a bit like my mentoring when I do that with clients. You know, I started out almost lecturing, and I kind of realized, you know, people are sitting there, they might be listening, but that's as far as they got. You know, they might even be agreeing with me. And then I thought, well, okay, we need them to actually do some work. So we need to, you know, so they can put it straight into their business. So we start, I changed from lecturing to workshops. So workshops kind of gave them a chance. And and we kind of looked at that and they kind of started to, you know, do some work in the workbooks and kind of get a better understanding because they were actually working towards a process for their business. But then I realized they still weren't actually putting it into their business. Some were, but not enough for them. So then we started on the accountability piece and started to change that. It's all been a journey. I mean, it's been a journey for me to get that right. Okay, and I think we're very close to having it really right at the moment. But the same thing with their businesses, number one, they've got to trust the process.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Because you see some people sitting there in the first workshop going, yeah, okay. Sure. I don't know. So they don't then they're not they can't trust the process, and that's really important. Because sometimes you ask them to do things like score in their staff, you know, and the subcontractors, they feel really uncomfortable about particularly if they're doing it in front of their staff and subcontractors, which they should be, because it should be up for it should really trigger a discussion, and they find it difficult. But they're a business owner, so either they get, you know, they get used to operating outside their comfort zone and then it becomes normal, or they're gonna fail at business. I think that's where the life coaching beer, you know, we all do a little bit of that, you're an expert in it, is important because you need to get people to live outside their comfort zone in order to make their world bigger. Otherwise, they're gonna really limit themselves.
SPEAKER_02:And and for me, you've hit the nail on the head. So going through a coaching journey, it means means being vulnerable and not vulnerable to the coach, vulnerable to yourself, because you might be saying things or exploring things that you've never done before, and that is very uncomfortable. To say, you know, I don't like this about myself, and I'm just using an example, and you've never actually voiced it. Maybe you've thought it, but you never actually voiced it, can be it can hit the person like, sure, I actually this is how my behavior, this is my behavior, and this is why I'm facing these challenging challenges in my life, because maybe my behavior is contributing to this. So now I have to look at my behavior and change my behavior so that I don't get that outcome anymore. You know, it's that that process of awareness. It's very uncomfortable and it's a vulnerable process. But I'm a firm believer if we do not get out of those comfort zones, we stay exactly where we are for the rest of our lives. And for some maybe that's you know that's that's where they want to be and that's also okay. But for for for some people they don't want to. They don't want to stay um where they are at. They're not happy with where they are at. And when they are not happy with where they are at is when they need to become uncomfortable and getting used to being uncomfortable. Being comfortable in the uncomfortableness.
SPEAKER_00:Life has changed dramatically in the last hundred years. I actually think it's life isn't as good as it was. And there's lots of reasons for that. So there was some great uh videos going on about on Instagram about children's lives, you know, kids' lives in the 80s and how actually I'm so glad I grew up in the 80s, 70s and 80s because we were so more hands-on with life. We didn't have phones and we had more freedom and there's loads of stuff I think that have gone backwards now. You know if you see loads of kids together they're all on their phones and actually talking to each other and you know it's all very negative. A hundred years ago you most probably lived in a village you know if you were kind of like me and live outside of a town. You'd live in a village and your big trip would be a trip to the local town you know maybe once a month you worked on a farm your parents would have worked on the same farm your parents' parents would have worked on the same farm you had one day off a week if you're lucky and actually you're very lucky you know you're very happy with your bit. Food was actually quite simple but a lot of it is produced like really locally like in that village or in the local town. Actually it's quite a nice life if you think about it a lot of people would like to go back to that. We didn't think about rich people we didn't think we didn't have the envy you know or they didn't have the envy of you know wanting to be something else they they accepted their life and enjoyed every day as it was and there were some terrible things about it as well but you know if you just look at it on a very simple level you know sickness and an illness and no national health and all this kind of stuff. But you know life has become very complicated now. And I think to be really complicated and to be successful you've got just got to take a completely different approach and we haven't got the simplicity of life we have social media which is the best and worst thing that's ever happened to the world the envy that people have for other people's lives that aren't even real. Yeah. You know people are pretending to drive around in really expensive cars they don't own. They're you know pretending to be on private jets that they're not I mean there's literally you can rent a room now that looks like a private jet so you can do your filming in it. The envy that the social media produces is is a terrible thing I I believe.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But it's also could be a really educational thing problem is with social media at the moment is 90% of it is lies. I mean it's just completely wrong. And I think we're getting used to well hopefully we're getting used to that you know you buy something on social media now TikTok or or Instagram unlike television where we've got an advertising standard on in the UK anyway where you've got to tell the truth they don't yeah and I've bought a couple of things off TikTok where I kind of knew it was a con. And it wasn't a lot of money so I thought let's just see and it was it was an absolute con. You know they sent you something completely different to what they advertised completely different and went oh no no that's what you've ordered and it's like no no that's not what you showed in your video. Yeah the world has changed dramatically so we've got to very very much adapt to that and we've also I think got to focus on you know how we live our lives now. And I think it unfortunately it means that you know going back to your point and this is the kind of the crux of it that living inside your comfort zone if you were kind of that village worker hundred years ago who had a very simple life and you know and that's how it happened you know that's how your life is it's easy because that's your comfort zone. You know that's your life and everything's pretty much the same as it was 100 years before life is so fast paced now and changing at such fast paced if you don't start kind of looking outside your comfort zone you're gonna have a terrible life literally because things change too much.
SPEAKER_02:And you get left behind you know so you know the world is it's moving fast and yes social media probably has has helped it uh along the way but like you say there's pros to it and there and there's also obviously um a lot of negatives to it and that's where we as uh humans and this is my my my opinion have to sift through you know what is real and what is not real for us and ask questions about you know you don't don't take everything at face value be curious be curious about uh what you are watching is is that is that really real like is that really real for me because like you say half of the stuff is not real and then you can go down a rabbit hole if you're gonna sit spend your whole life scrolling on social media looking at look how good their lives are and and all these people that are getting hurt because I also see I see a lot of like horrible things shared on social media. And if that's you know yes the world has moved in that way but if we only stay in that world that's how small our world gets that then is our world. So we have to you know also break out of that ourselves as an individual and go, you know, what is working for me what is not working for me is what I am um consuming and and and looking at on a on a daily basis actually moving me forward in my life you know is it contributing is it adding value?
SPEAKER_00:I totally agree with that we've got to in some ways and I say this to I've got two daughters you know and um when someone's horrible to them I often say well they're jealous of you you know and they say well what they're to be jealous of it doesn't matter what they're jealous of it could be because they think you're prettier than them or your boyfriend's better or you know let's face it you've got a better looking dad than they have I mean you know I can't help that but you know of course but the point yeah but the point is it doesn't matter it's just a jealousy and if you realize that and look at people like in that way and just go well okay you know whatever you know you might be jealous of me we've got to stop being envious of other people yeah and and comparing ourselves I want to be like this person I want to be like that person. I've never done that in business I've never done that personally I've always gone I want my life to be what I want it to be I don't want to compare myself to someone else and my life is my life and I think that's the important thing is stop comparing yourself to other people and create a life for you that works for you. And don't make it about you know I'll be happy when I'm earning a hundred thousand a year or I'll be happy when I do this or I'll be no what's going to make you happy today yeah because as we all know and I hate to hate to break this to everybody life's a journey we all know what the destination is it's called death right some people believe something's beyond that and some people don't and you I'm happy that you know you believe either way no problem at all but if it's a journey we need to enjoy the journey because we know where the destination is destination isn't wealth it's not you know this kind of buying a big house that's not destination and so you've got to enjoy the journey and you've got to realize that you've got to really make the most of your time when you're here and also you know if you want to have a happy life help other people it it makes me happy um if you just look after yourself you'll find that um it doesn't make you happy and when you go out there and help other people this is what I've found people help you in the strangest ways people back you up they say things nice things about you they uh and all that has an impact on your life even if you're calculating you help other people because you think you're gonna get sank back it doesn't work like that but you know there's a reason for helping other people yeah and it's such an important point that so because we're actually on the journey already you know we're not arriving somewhere we're on it already and life is hard like you've explained you know it's much more complicated than a hundred years ago even 20 years ago for me 20 years ago was even simpler but this is where we at and there are hardships and it's it there are complications and there are there are I don't want to say the bad things but the hard things and the challenges but they also teach us they're also our teachers you know when we go through these things and what can we learn from our hardships and our challenges that is maybe a silver lining you know because there is a silver lining to everything even in the hardest in the hardest times there is a silver lining and I could talk about that forever absolutely and and that's why this podcast was born born really bust and beyond you know it's not about just about businesses going bust it's when something really nasty and horrible happened to you what have you done about it have you moved on beyond it what have you learned from it so you know I had a company go bust I've spoken like many times this podcast I lost my father you know that was a very big thing for me in fact there's a picture of him uh just uh in front of the camera on the other side of the camera okay um in fact in in a in a Porsche 9 to 8 so he had a Porsche 9 to 8 he's got wearing a brown suit he was he was a young younger fellow then now the 9 was in a quite a fame famous film called Risky Business with Tom Cruise and he had his 9 to 8 about the same time as that film came out and my kudos to my mates was like you know right up there because my dad had the Porsche that was in in in the film actually looking at it now it looks really dated it looks really 1970 even but at the time it was you know it was amazing but I you know every time I feel down or you know feel that I haven't got my focus I I can look at that picture of my dad and it's it's not the Porsche it's him it's not you know I'm not interested in the Porsche it just happens to be a good picture I've got of him he happens to be standing next to his porch but he was an amazing fellow and you know he was my mentor and I learned so much from him. So you know I've lost him but part of that spurred me on to what I'm doing. So there's been some positives that come out of that. I wish I had done so much more when he was around to enjoy being around him.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah and and and I can relate to that because I think we spoke about it the last time you know I lost my parents in 2023 so it's been both of them in in the five week period. So it's been two years now and since then my life has completely changed. Like I was actually talking to someone about it earlier today saying I'm so uncomfortable at the moment but not it's not in a bad way it's just everything is so different and so everything has changed. I can't I actually can't even I'm doing this because I can't even grasp a part of my old life I mean when my parents passed left my business of 10 years changed careers uh started studying psychology everything has changed but if they hadn't passed and and trust me I'd rather have them here than not have them here but if they hadn't I wouldn't have been I wouldn't actually probably be doing this podcast with you you know that's that's just the reality of it because everything has changed I mean it's it's it's and I I I I do I I'm I'm so grateful that you know they were around when they were around but now they're not so I have to make the best of you know my life you know without them.
SPEAKER_00:And I think you build new relationships as well don't you because you know I'm lucky my parents were really helpful they were supporting they were what parents should be I mean so many people don't have those kind of parents you know and don't really know what it's like to do that. You know my father would was very calm and he sat me down and I was kind of really getting rolled up about clients or whatever. You know we worked together for a long time and he'd go yes but have you thought about their point of view have you thought about this you know he was always very calm and good good with that and he's very honest and you know my core values are really his core values it's an important thing. So losing him was terrible I it was something I dreaded for years. I mean 10 20 years before he died I was dreading that one day my father or mother would die uh my mother's still alive but so yeah terrible things happen but something positive comes out of it and I think that's really important.
SPEAKER_02:And it's also how we navigate through those challenges in the heart times you know because you know we can choose and it's choices and decisions that we make because we can you we can choose to to be completely defeated and be a victim of our circumstances. It's a choice or we can go yes this has happened but but now what is in store for me and how what what do I need to do to get there? How do I enjoy the rest of the journey? Because there is still a journey there is still a journey to enjoy.
SPEAKER_00:There is and I think you know just get on with that journey live outside your comfort zone I do so much stuff that's outside my comfort zone people expect because I do workshops and everything else me to be very confident in certain situations. I'd give a speech to 200 people the other day I was pretty nervous and and in fact when I came off I thought that was rubbish I have actually we had it videoed and I thought it wasn't as rubbish I thought but I'd like to be better at that you know but it was it was a stressful thing to do I had created stress in my life by agreeing to do a speech in front of 200 people would I do it again yeah and I'd be as stressed about doing it I've worried about it for days but you know because I want to get used to doing it I want to get used to doing it. And when I ran my first workshop I was pretty stressed and I I I'm not now I kind of you know I know the subjects and I have to run them I I enjoy them I enjoy seeing people's faces where they kind of really get it. So it's great. Anyway we could natter all day I reckon um it's been great it's a great topic it's a great topic yeah yeah and I think it's an important topic and I wanted to do this chat because I thought we could cover this because it's kind of bringing mentoring and coaching together. It's about you know and and lots of reasons people kind of don't get on with their business isn't just they don't know how to do it and often that's a big part of it but it's the mindset and the whole approach and that's why they ask for more information for a uh programme which will clearly help them and then don't pursue it because uh it's not a priority to them I get that yeah yeah but people need to start changing that I would agree with that for this lovely to speak to you and uh I'm sure we'll catch up again and uh yes enjoy the weather in South Africa. Thank you it is warm yay yeah I think you're getting into your summer now aren't you because we're sweet we're kind of going just about going to winter.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah we are we're getting into summer brilliant well thank you very much thanks Robin thanks so much thanks for listening to Bust and Beyond with Robin Hayhurst be sure to tune in next time and visit his website at robinhayhurst.com