How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Mastering influence and everyday negotiation in the workplace
Imagine leading a meeting with such influence that everyone leaves the room excited and eager for the next one. Sounds impossible? Not if you know the secret to building influence in the workplace.
In this episode, I share my personal experience of creating a fun and accountable atmosphere in a cross-departmental meeting, and how important it is to navigate corporate politics effectively. Learn about the research behind having a best friend at work and its impact on job satisfaction – you might be surprised how much difference a great work relationship can make.
But the power of influence doesn't stop there. What if you could conquer your fears and become a master of everyday negotiation? Join me as we explore the essential steps to take before entering any conversation or negotiation, and how to discover what the other party really needs. I share tips on boosting your confidence and embracing the fact that negotiation is truly happening all around us.
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with leverage. Hi and welcome to Leaders with Leverage. I'm Suzy and I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy that you're here because I get some great feedback from these sessions, because I think these are things that actually people are asking me about, and so talking about them just brings a topic to light that is so applicable to every day. So today I want to talk about internal influence And I have to be honest when I was in my role at a big company, i had influence, and it didn't really occur to me until somebody else took over a meeting And what happened was I was leading a meeting that went across all departments I think I've mentioned this before And it was a foundational meeting because we were talking about the needs of the client and it did crossover operations engineering, finance, accounting So I needed to have everybody at the table And I made it fun and I made sure that only the essential people that were there were able to join and I made people be accountable for what they said they were going to do.
Speaker 1:So it wasn't like it was just a fun meeting. It was a place where people needed to be accountable to one another. And it was fun because I would bring in just some natural tension. If you were late to the meeting, even 30 seconds, you'd have to answer kind of an embarrassing question. And it was interesting because sometimes people would intentionally be late because they like to share, and some people would come early because they love to watch people come in. So it was just by accident, not by design, and the reason I said it didn't really occur to me how powerful that was. People started depending on that meeting. People wanted to be invited to that meeting People when they were out, they didn't want to miss it. Everybody knew. I will never forget it. It was on Tuesdays at 1 pm and it was in the big boardroom downstairs. There was probably 30 to 40 people in the room that were actively engaged and not just people watching. So anyway, the reason that really stuck out to me is years went by and I handed it off to somebody that was on my team and it kind of fizzled out. And it wasn't her fault and it wasn't anything she did wrong, but it hadn't occurred to me that a lot of the reasons why was because I held influence in the organization And I don't take that lightly.
Speaker 1:I think it's very important. So I talk about that a lot because strong leadership hinges on the power of influence. It's really a fundamental aspect that allows you the power to get things done And it's not a negative thing if it's used in the right way. And really it's not something that you can demand. You can't just say I want to have influence and being you have influence. It's something you have to build over time And it's really about doing what you say you're going to do. It's showing up and doing. You know, going beyond expectations of what people are thinking that you're going to do, not just to over deliver, but because you're thoughtful about what might make a difference and then you do it.
Speaker 1:And the reason it's interesting to think about is it's all around influence and corporate politics go hand in hand because the people who have influence if you look at corporate politics as a craps game influence are the chips And influence allows you in that social network to lead, to change the dynamics. If it is negative, to raise your hand and advocate for others. So when you build that, you're giving yourself opportunities because people that hold influence are the ones that are asked to lead. They're asked for advice, they're trusted to kind of bring under the covers and say this is what's going on. Can you advise me on this? And that's really important to that social network, because corporate politics is a necessity in any size of organization. It's just how things get done. So when you think about your organization and where you stand in that, how do you know you have influence? Do people call on you? Do people depend on you? Do people bring you in and say, hey, can I ask you about this? I know you won't say anything And not from like a rumor, putting people down, but it's just like how do I move through this.
Speaker 1:It's interesting Gallup's research around best friends at work and you hear that it's really important to have somebody that you really trust at work. We spend so much time there but there is a direct correlation to having relationships in the workplace, to job satisfaction And actually the initial research was around you have somebody that you love at work And it was actually the word love because it meant that strong of an emotion but that just you know and the researchers saying you need to have somebody that you love at work, you know that can get misconstrued in the communication of that. So they went with best friend at work. So when you think about that need as a foundational need, having influence in a positive way is really important And showing up and being just aware of that Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. So it's important to.
Speaker 1:When you think about the social network, of your role within the organization, it's interesting to say who holds influence and why. What do they do that people want to follow? Why are they dependent on? Why do they get those special projects? Being able to know where you stand on that, how you increase that influence so that you can be an advocate for others, so that you can persuade when necessary. So those are important things to consider. So who has it and do you have it? And some of the ways that, also from a negotiation perspective, right, it's all about power and thinking about power And power is leverage in a conversation. So it's looking at all of the things that are at play for any conversation and being able to identify what those are, because that's power.
Speaker 1:But power within itself is an aspect of leverage, and so I also tell people, if you want to pay more attention to this, don't multitask, even in a virtual meeting. Watch what's going on in that social network. Think about what is the power that's going on within the room, because it's interesting to just think about that. Why did that person ask that question? Why is that person volunteering to do that And being able to see kind of what makes other people tick?
Speaker 1:So the different powers at play to consider is, of course there's hierarchical power And absolutely that's something that is leverage in. You can call a meeting and people will come just because of where you sit in the organization Or if you run an organization that's really important to the business. Those hierarchical positions absolutely hold influence. But just because they're in that role doesn't mean that just by default they may not be a trustworthy person, they may be playing negative politics, so they might have positional power but they do have the influence And there is some influence in that. But thinking about who holds positional power and how do they use that, i think positional power is a short game because you can use and leverage your positional power just because you're in that role. The long game is influence And the long game is what is leadership to you and what's important to you. And if you want to inspire others, building your influence is what will do that. Because as long as you're doing it in a positive way, then there's situational power. Who has that leverage in that situation? Maybe it's somebody that's leading that project, maybe it is the highest person in the room. Just kind of ask yourself who has situational power right now.
Speaker 1:Then there's a relationship power. You know, we as leaders and just as professionals, we just like some people better than others. So relationship is just inevitable. It could be built by just that you work with somebody on a regular basis and you've built that trust over time. It could be proximity. There's a lot of research that talks about how people that work together build stronger relationships And even when they move them to a different floor, that really changes that relational power And it's just having that trusted ally. So what relationship power is in play and being aware of that, whether you're using it or it's just comfortable, sometimes that can feel really alienated to somebody else And I think it's important as a leader to be responsible about that.
Speaker 1:And then perceived power. You know, as all these power attributes of different situations and people, perceived power to me is and the research shows in a negotiation that it's about the perceived power that we have about ourselves. If we believe the other person is a better negotiator or we believe that they're just a better debater, we will believe in their skills over ours, which will lead to a decrease in our own confidence, which means our actions will not be as strong as they could be. Perceived power about that positional power or the influence or the relational power can also affect the way we're feeling in that moment. I think about those and I think about what is going on here? What's intimidating me? What is getting me? Which of those power attributes might be affecting the way I approach a situation? Just an interesting thing to consider in your day-to-day, even at a meeting, when you're going in Who's holding the power here If it's getting you sideways in terms of triggering your emotion and moving forward and having confidence, identify which one and why and if it's warranted.
Speaker 1:Remember, influence is not earned. It's something that people give to you. Hold it in a way that is respectful. Hold it because it can go away quickly. Again, the ways to build your influence over time is to go beyond and above and beyond in your role. Do what you say you're going to do always. If you can't fulfill what you say you're going to do, go back and tell them why. Going above and beyond in your role I want to just make that comment one more time is thinking about I want to do this because my boss or their peer had asked me to do this, but what could I do beyond what they asked for? that would really help them. Just think about how great that would be if somebody was that thoughtful about you.
Speaker 1:Building influence is advocating for yourself and for others also, because then your scene as influence increases your influence, especially when they're not in the room Investing in others. When you invest in others, that just shows that allegiance to the business, but also to a selfless way of looking at others, then building and nurturing those relationships and being proactive around, not just the relationships that are a necessity for your role, but the people in the business. If you reach out to somebody and help, you never know how that might help you in the future, or it just supports the business because you are investing in them in a way that could increase their confidence, allow them to advocate for yourself. I want to challenge you to think about your influence. What can you do?
Speaker 1:You can write down the 10 people that you talk to on a regular basis. That's a part of your ecosystem, if you will in your everyday. Then ask yourself which ones hold influence and why. Which ones would you go to if you needed to confide in somebody, and who would you recruit if you had to move forward with a decision that is unpopular? Who would have your back If, of those two questions, nobody on your list fulfills that, who could Then ask yourself who do you need to spend more time on on that list and who do you need to expand that to? Tens, not a lot. Who do you need to reach out to As you go up in your career? that should be expanding to more and more people. So consider your influence, consider the influence of others and be mindful of that responsibility that when you build that influence, it gives you a bigger voice. It kind of hands you a microphone. It allows you to have a voice and an opinion. So be careful with it too, because that's a responsibility that you have to the people and others, and you can inspire people to be better. You know what. That's not something you can measure and it's not intended to. You just have to do what's right. So that's influence. I think it's a very important aspect to consider in everything that we do and understand the responsibility that comes with it too.
Speaker 1:Thank you for being here. I so appreciate hearing from you, so feel free to reach out to me. I'm on LinkedIn. I'm pretty active on LinkedIn. Dm me if you have any questions, if you have a topic that you want me to answer. I love to hear what's on the minds of people around me and in my network, and it's really important to me to continue to give back. So if you want to share this with somebody, make sure you subscribe so that when there's a new episode every week there is one you can see it when it comes through.
Speaker 1:This has been Leaders with Leverage. I'm Susie Tomenschuk and I appreciate you. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders with Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach anytime you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book The Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction in your day to day. You'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
