How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Guarding your influence with Kelly Dillon
Ever wondered how the undercurrent of negativity can stealthily sabotage your workplace? Buckle up, as Kelly Dillon and I, dissect the anatomy of negative influence and its damaging implications on trust and teamwork. We spotlight the different ways in which negativity can lurk beneath the surface, be it through direct or indirect behavior, and how insecurity and uncertainty can fan its flames. More importantly, we share practical insights into managing such situations, underscoring the need for direct feedback and collaborative efforts in building a healthy work atmosphere.
Elevating the conversation, we delve into the intriguing dynamics of influence and leadership in the workplace. Ascending the corporate ladder brings with it a newfound authority that can be a double-edged sword. We discuss the dangers of individuals, particularly those freshly promoted, using their titles as a control mechanism without understanding their influence's breadth and depth. Constructive feedback emerges as the torchbearer, paving the path for mutual trust, respect, and thus creating room for positive influence. Listen in to arm yourself with our valuable tips to identify and neutralize the devastating effects of unchecked negative influence in your workplace.
Connect with Kelly:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellyldillon/
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with leverage.
Speaker 1:Hey, welcome to Leaders with Leverage. I am your host, suzy Tomonczuk, and I have my friend Kelly dealing with me again. I'm so excited, kelly. Thank you for being here again. Thanks for having me, suzy. So Kelly and I used to work together in a consulting firm. We've been friends, we are peers, we just have a deep respect for one another. But, kelly, in case people didn't hear your introduction from before, tell us what you do in your day job.
Speaker 2:So I work for Remax Holdings and my team is responsible for strategic planning corporate goals and leading some of the big initiatives that the company is focused on, like M&A, global expansion, some technology implementations, big initiatives like that.
Speaker 1:Wow, and I had mentioned last time, you're a big strategic thinker. Yes, a lot goes on up here for you Exactly.
Speaker 2:I think I'm sometimes too far in the future and I have to wheel myself in, but that's my strength is just seeing what things should be and helping people get there.
Speaker 1:And one of the reasons I wanted Kelly to give her voice on this topic is because her and I, from a personality trait perspective extrovert versus introvert we're very different in our styles and how we create relationships and build rapport and really invest in people. So we're talking about the idea of influence and I thought we talked in our last episode, so if you want to go back to listen to it, we talked about building influence and why it's important and some associated stories, but I thought I want to talk about negative influence, because it definitely exists and people often think about this in the wrapper of workplace politics and corporate politics, because negative influence is really wielding your influence in a way that is damaging to others or not motivating. It's putting people down, and a lot of times this happens in uncertainty, in places where there's insecurity and lack of trust. So have you ever experienced this, kelly?
Speaker 2:Yes, for sure, and I think a lot of people are experiencing this right now, just with the so much uncertainty with what's going on in the world. The economy is crazy. We work within the housing market and the housing market is just all over the place so much uncertainty and unpredictability and also being remote and trying to figure out the new norm. There's just so much uncertainty and everyone's trying to figure it out right now. So I've definitely seen a lot of this, where people revert back to more negativity than they do when they're comfortable because of the uncertainty.
Speaker 1:I remember I'm just trying to think back on a situation with me. I remember one time my peer and I were up for there was a new project that somebody needed to lead Okay, I'll. I remember he came to me and said you know, I'd love I'm going to lead this project and I want you to be a part of the team. And I thought, because he said I value your, your voice and everything we didn't have that great of a relationship and I was like thank you so much for thinking of me. And then what I didn't realize is he was really opting me out of telling my boss that I wanted to lead it. He was giving me the impression that that seat was taken and this can, so it can be wrapped around something that feels really good, but we might not realize what's going on around he was using. He was thoughtful about his influence with me.
Speaker 2:Right, yep, and I've seen that too, where people are thoughtful around their negative influence, and I've also seen people very direct about it, where they say, like you are not being a part of this and I am because of this and some of the ways that I've tried to handle situations like that and Micah, who has been on this show a couple of times, talks about this a lot, which is abundance and there's a lot of opportunity for people, and so I, with people who act in that manner, I try to show the value in working together and to sit at the table together and showing that we can.
Speaker 2:By working together, we can add the most value and that working alone and trying to do it on your own is not. So. That does come up and some people don't even know that they're doing it and it, what it does, is it builds lack of trust, and for those individuals, I just really try to give direct feedback and say, hey look, this is happening and this is how I would like to see it in the future, if it does happen, because there's no way to get around that. It happens a lot, especially, like you mentioned, when things are uncertain, even more uncomfortable and insecure, and that's how they've approached it, when in reality, like we should be working together on things and solving things together as a team.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I was listening to Brene Brown one of her leadership books today and she was talking about how we get in our own head. So when you said sometimes they don't even mean it. She was giving an example of somebody who left a meeting and this person hadn't asked for their opinion or they like they. They looked at them kind of sideways and they started telling the story about how this person doesn't like them, how they don't like all of these things. And instead of allowing that storyline to creep in and build its own book around that, they went to that person and said is everything okay? Can I just want to check in with you? I just felt like you know, there was some kind of friction and they were like oh no, you know, my kid is sick and all these different things and I've my head is just not in it today. And it's just a matter of kind of facing those things too, because sometimes people might not realize how it feels to be in their presence, right, and they might not intentionally do it.
Speaker 2:Right, and that's especially the case when something is going on with you personally. It's like you're kind of there but you're not truly there. And I know I've been in that situation, I know that my bosses and peers have been in that situation. You know, we have two examples this week of people on my team who were managing through the hurricane, managing through a sick kid in the hospital and it, you know, it's like just take your time, because when you're in this situation you're and you're not physically, you're physically there but not mentally there. You could say things or do things that you don't know that you're doing. And so that's a lot of self-awareness that I've learned. And then I also try to understand what's going on in other people's lives on a personal level, to not take what's happening personally and know that they're going through terrible things and that they just are trying to be there, but they really can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And assume positive intent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, assume a positive intent, that's exactly right. And how do you get that trusted relationship back? If you sense somebody is game playing against you, what do you do?
Speaker 2:I mean, my approach is always to take it head on. So if there's something going on, I just meet with them and I'm like, hey, what's going on? You know, I heard this is happening. Can you help me understand? Well, usually when you ask someone, they're honest and candid and they'll tell you like, hey, I didn't like how this happened and this is why I did that and I can most of the time, resolve that issue in that conversation and I've learned to just like hit it directly and promptly, not wait, not try to overthink it, just ask. And so there's just less and less of it now than there was earlier in my career when I kind of wasn't sure how to handle it or ask questions or thought what did I do. So I've tried to just be really direct around it.
Speaker 1:Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. You know, influence comes from the position you are in the organization as well, and it definitely wields power and control and there are some things, kind of some pulleys you can pull because of the level that you're at.
Speaker 1:But I find that, especially when people move into that next role, I've been thinking about an organization I work with that have some VPs that have been recently promoted into that role and it feels like they're trying to because they're probably insecure being in that new role. They kind of because I am a VP or I don't need to do that because I'm a VP now and to me that's so funny that. But I can kind of see why they do it. It's almost like they're getting comfortable in their own skin around it. But what would you say about when you've moved into different roles or you think about that idea. What advice would you give to people and what does that feel like when you're going through that?
Speaker 2:So great question. Some of the best leaders that I've ever had seen didn't lead with their title. They never talked about their title, they never led with their title and they were very just tried to be as personable and relatable as anyone. So, whether it's the janitor working there, the front desk to the CEO, they treated everyone the same and that's how I've tried to also lead. So that way it doesn't matter what title I am. It just means that I'm accountable for more, but that doesn't mean that I treat anyone differently.
Speaker 2:So and I've seen that too where it's mostly being uncomfortable and not understanding what the role means, especially at the VP level, that's where I've noticed it the most, where people kind of stop, they don't know what they can do more and they keep control of their world because that's what they're comfortable in, when in reality they should step into the role and understand what's higher up than them, what they can influence, what they can lead, how they can change behavior, influence the strategy of what we're doing, and to build their team. So if they're able to elevate them, they're team elevates too. So that's just. My approach in the past is to not care about what my title is, except for upward to know that I can now get into different conversations I couldn't before, but to not use it as something that say you have to do this because I'm this title, because I just think that that's not the best way to lead People think people respect it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love that. You said that there's enough room for everybody, there's enough abundance is one thing, and then you also use that lifting. If you elevate others around you, that elevates you too, and sometimes that's invisible to us. Our influence, sometimes we're oblivious to it, and I think that you have to understand. If you play the positive game, and especially if you hold the title and you have influence, you need to just trust that you have it and understand that everything you say, every action you take, is going to be recorded. You know, I don't mean that literally, but that way you just believe it. You never know, as a leader, how your impact can really make an impact, can make an impact, but you kind of have to believe it. Right, it's kind of blind faith in a way.
Speaker 2:For sure, and that's like one of the values that a company that we worked at in the past, which is to make a positive impact in everything you do, and I've truly tried to live that, whether it's every interaction, whether it's like someone I don't even know, they did a presentation that I just sat in try to make a positive impact with them, and I didn't think that that was a big deal, but then I started hearing things that people were saying like hey, oh my gosh, she reached out to me when I did this or even a top executive at the company. Anytime that they have to deliver a really difficult speech where they might not be confident in it, I make sure to tell them like hey, that was great, you're authentic, you did a great job delivering a really tough message. And they always say like you have no idea how much that means because they're not getting that. So I do really try to give consistent feedback on all different levels and try to make a positive impact on everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's I also think when you were talking about positive feedback. I also think it's really good to give constructive criticism too, because that increases your influence in a way that's respectful, and you can also do too much of the goodness only positive, you don't wanna be just the positive cheerleader if you will.
Speaker 2:I think sometimes people don't hear the negative feedback because, like you said, they just wanna be positive, and that is something that I carefully make sure when I'm giving critical feedback that it's something that I truly think and I'm very passionate about, and so when I say it, I mean it, and it's not all the time. It's something that I think is a really big deal that impacts everyone, that they should care about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that what that does for me is, when you're like that, people really listen because they know the value that you're giving them both ways, and so it makes both of those even more impactful and it amplifies it Exactly and sometimes people don't wanna hear it and they will disregard it right away, but they'll listen.
Speaker 2:And then sometimes they come back around and say hey, I know you said this a month ago, can you tell me more? So sometimes they won't, but at least I said and they respected that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just want to kind of like put a wrap around this. When you think about negative influence, I mean influence itself takes time to build, because it's building trusted relationships, it's building respect for what you do. It's always showing up the same way, but negative can happen so quickly and it might not even be in your purview. It might even not realize it's happening because maybe stress at home, it may be stress about your role or being able to deliver or whatever it is, and so having that awareness of the up and down is vital as a professional in your career. Would you add anything to that, kelly?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the one thing I would add is to not get wrapped up in it just because someone above you is doing that or up here, like, don't get wrapped up in it, you know, because that's a quick path to end in a bad place. It's to stand your ground and object to it, to point it out and say, hey, this is going on, let's talk about it. How do we change this?
Speaker 1:And you mean, like, if there's negative influence going on, if somebody's playing a game that's self-serving and pushing others out of the way, exactly, I love that. So be the person that has influence and that has the voice to change any of that negative influence that's going on around.
Speaker 2:Lead by example.
Speaker 1:Love it, love it. Thank you, kelly. This has been great conversations. I appreciate you being a part of this. If you want to connect with Kelly, I know she'd love it. She's on LinkedIn and DM her. Reach out to her, ask her advice. She is phenomenal, rock star strategist, extraordinaire. Thank you, susie. Thank you All right, this has been Leaders With Leverage.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you. Thanks for being here. If there's somebody that you think that needs to hear this, share it with them. I'd love it. I appreciate you. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders With Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach anytime you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book, you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day to day. You'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
