How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Navigating authentic engagement virtually
Do you feel like you're just a floating head on a screen during virtual meetings? Are you struggling with capturing the attention of your audience or team members during virtual presentations? Well, this episode throws light on how you can ace your virtual interactions by making minor modifications, like ensuring that your gaze is fixed on the camera and not at yourself on the screen. It's these tiny nonverbal cues that can make a huge difference in your online presence.
Additionally, we delve into the fascinating world of negotiation - the art of understanding the needs of the other party, while clearly communicating your own. I share various strategies and techniques that can be your game changer, helping you transform into an effective self-advocate. Whether you're a seasoned leader or an aspiring one, the advice shared in this episode will equip you to overcome your negotiation apprehensions and confidently assert yourself when it matters the most. So buckle up and join me, as we lead with leverage.
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with Leverage. Hi and welcome. This is Leaders with Leverage. I'm Suzy. I'm Suzy Tomonczuk. I don't know whether I should say I figure you know I'm Suzy Tomonczuk, so I just thought I'm just going to say I'm Suzy because I am. I am really glad you're here and thank you for taking this time for you and for I'm just honored that you decided to choose this podcast.
Speaker 1:One thing I want to talk about that came up for me this week, and I'm going to start with a story from a few years ago. I remember when probably when I started taking selfies. My youngest daughter, who's now in her 20s, was probably a teenager and we were taking a selfie together and she said she got so frustrated with me and she's like Mom, don't look at yourself, look at the little pea-sized, you know round thing at the top the camera. And she said people don't want you should be looking at them, not at yourself. And I thought, wow, that was such a profound thing to think about. Is we tend to focus on ourselves first, even though we're focused? We want to be perceived that we're focused on the other person, and it changes our whole view because then the focus doesn't become ourselves. And the tie to this is my virtual assistant, who is in the Philippines, shelley. I just adore her. I was giving her feedback the other day when we were on the phone and I noticed that she looks over here when she's talking to me and I told her I said is the video of me over here? And she said yeah, you're right here. And I said you know that's really distracting. I think you're not paying attention to me when I'm talking because you're looking over here when I'm talking. And so I said move the video over under your camera and she goes, but I'm looking at you. I said, yeah, but I don't feel like you are, and it was such a big a-ha for her, and it wasn't just Shelly.
Speaker 1:I see this all the time and I actually can't believe that people don't tell each other that they should look at the camera, especially if you're a leader, that you have to have a different conversation. You have to have a serious conversation. You want to connect with a new customer, be sure you're looking at that camera and especially, don't look at yourself. I can always tell when people are looking at themselves. You know, one thing that you might want to think about is turn your video off. You can do that so that you are not a square in front of you, and I do that. Sometimes. I look at myself and I have to remember to look, and when you turn it off, it's super interesting because you stop focusing on yourself and you start thinking about the other person. We see ourselves way too much these days in this virtual world. So, in the spirit of this, how do you show up and connect with people?
Speaker 1:I wanted to talk about some other things that you should consider, and maybe it's a good refresher. It's always good to look at what you're doing and how do you become a better professional in the way you communicate, and especially with this virtual world? So that's one of them is looking right at the camera, like right now I'm looking right at the camera. I would assume that you can tell that I'm just looking at that. There's a little green light and I'm just staring at it and then it gives, even though I will look down because I've notes down here and I want to make sure I don't forget some things. But I try really hard to go back to that. It's a hard thing to do because you don't get any of that reinforcement and it's hard to looking at that versus a person.
Speaker 1:So I also bring my video or my my um. I'm going to move this so I can show you, so like I can see my window right now. But let's just pretend that I'm somebody that I'm talking to and I'm looking at that square even there, like my eyes are not so far from there. Another thing that you can do is get back a little further so that people can't see that shift in your eye, and I also have notes, like right by my camera sometimes when I need to remember certain words or something, especially when I'm recording, I'll have right there, but I'll always go right back to that camera that shows that connection. That's the only way in the virtual world we can make people feel that we're seeing them is to look at that, but it's not intuitive because we want to look at their face. So think about eyes on the lens, not the screen, and it helps people feel seen and heard. And when you can turn off your camera it will. It will open up your thinking to really focusing on the other person.
Speaker 1:Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. And then really, when they're talking, one thing you do is really provide some nonverbals so they know you're there. I can.
Speaker 1:I see people multitasking all the time in a group, but gosh, when I see people doing it when I'm talking to them when I want, it's so annoying. One way you can really tell people that you're not doing that is to show them that through nonverbals that are applicable, not just, like you know, robot E, but applicable to the conversation. I often also will put a pen in my hand and show them that my hands are up here, or I'll fold my arms so they can see that I'm really focused on them. I feel like doing something that they can see that you're not doing something else. Down here Also, you probably can hear this right now. People can tell when you're doing something else because they can hear these things. People do it to me when people are paying me and they're multitasking and I'm working with them on and on.
Speaker 1:It was this one woman. It's so funny. When she got done talking, she went to multitasking and she didn't listen to anything I said. And I would catch her on it all the time. I would purposely ask a question and then do complete silence and she realized that she was completely busted. But there's nothing worse than not feeling heard and that connection is really important. So think about your nonverbals, that nodding, that smiling. You don't want to overdo it, you don't want to make it so. It's not you, but what can you do? That's in the same who you are, and really think about that eye contact as well, and then maintain your presence. How can you make sure that you're really in the here now and thinking about what they're saying and so adding to the conversation. Oh, that's a great point and I'd like to offer this or that.
Speaker 1:That connection piece is so hard to do virtually, and I can't believe that people don't realize that whole idea of looking at the camera. Even looking down here I see people that their cameras are up here really high, or sometimes people don't have their cameras in there actually on their screen and so it's above them really high, and then they're looking down here and they're taking notes. I think another thing that's helpful is I have a client who takes a lot of notes and so he always tells me hey, don't forget, I take notes, I listen really intently but I'm always taking notes because I don't want to forget some of the things that we've talked about. So he again has a separate workspace and he takes his notes over here. I think next time I talk to him I'm going to tell him to take his notes like right in the same screen, because even having that orientation toward this, toward the camera, makes the person feel like you're actually in the conversation.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't it be weird if you were having coffee with somebody or you're at somebody and they were just like faced completely the other way. Even if they're talking to you, it doesn't feel like you're connecting. So we talk about communication, we talk about framing, we talk about framing the conversation and all the power tools that you can use for connection. But sometimes we don't spend a lot of time talking about the barriers between us, these virtual worlds, this virtual world that we live in, and how can we make human connection in the best way possible, because we spend so much time behind glass instead of being right in front of people. So take time to really think about that dot. Maybe even put a note up there and say look here, making that shift will be really helpful. Try not to multitask. I'll tell you what people know. And it's so disrespectful and it's really uncomfortable to call somebody on it, so you may be thinking you're getting away with it and you're really not.
Speaker 1:And then think about your nonverbals. How can you really articulate when you're listening that you're really listening and that you're listening in your hearing, whether it's repeating, whether it's really paying attention and understanding what kind of nonverbals you know if you're with somebody that's very gregarious and uses their hands a lot? If you do that too, that might work. They say mimicking people really help drive that connection. I haven't seen any research if that's true in the virtual world, but when you mimic somebody else, it feels really familiar to them.
Speaker 1:So try different aspects to make that connection, continue that trust and be thoughtful about how you come across, especially in those really important conversations, whatever they might be in negotiation, a difficult conversation, an important conversation, a caring one, having empathy All these things are really important to remember as best practices to make sure that your words match your actions. It goes back to that when my dad taught me way back, so hope this was helpful to you. I'd love to know what I missed. What best practice do you use? What's your mindset when you're connecting with somebody virtually or in person? But what are those things that you're doing to make sure that they're seen, they feel heard? Love to hear from you. Link with me on LinkedIn and DM me. Let me know what's on your mind, tell me what you want me to talk about here and let me know what is your best practice for connection and building trust.
Speaker 1:This is Leaders with Leverage. I'm Suzy. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders with Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth. Commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach anytime you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day to day, you'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
