How to Get What You Want

Leading with laughter with Stephanie McHugh

Susie Tomenchok Episode 60

As a professional comedian, Stephanie McHugh has connected with hundreds of audiences, making them laugh, think, and feel deeply. Join me, as we pull back the curtain on Stephanie's comedy journey, revealing valuable lessons for leaders and negotiators alike. We'll trace her career from its humble beginnings to her current success.

We'll also uncover the impact of energy, presence, and experience on any performance, whether it's on the comedy stage or in the boardroom. As we delve into the techniques of giants like Will Ferrell and Def Leppard, you'll learn how they handle tough audiences and challenging circumstances. Plus, we'll discuss the importance of staying present, no matter what the situation, and how this can enhance your leadership and negotiation skills. Whether you're negotiating a business deal, leading a team, or just trying to make someone laugh, this conversation will provide valuable insights.

Connect with Stephanie:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemchughcomedy/

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www.susietomenchok.com/services

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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok


Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate In growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be. When you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. Let's do this. Let's lead with leverage. Hey, welcome to Leaders with Leverage. I'm Suzy and I'm so glad you're here especially for this episode. My former roommate in college is here with me today, stephanie McHugh. How are you?

Speaker 2:

I'm doing really well. I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller. I'm glad to be on the podcast today.

Speaker 1:

You're the first one that's ever said that too, so first-time call-out for yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yes, here's the deal. I like to listen to a podcast. Right before I'm getting ready I was listening to one and you said your parents have found you and they're starting to listen and I'm like the pressure is on because Papa E and Mimi are going to be listening to me.

Speaker 1:

They are listening, and all of their friends, because those masters will know that that age group, those 90 plus, are looking for me. So yeah, for sure is so good. Well, I'm having you on because you're a professional comedian. I remember as roommates in college used to make me laugh so hard, so it's no surprise a few years later that this is what you do full-time. I thought it would be fun since we know each other so well and I always love when you make me laugh To just talk about some of the parallels of being a stand-up comedian and being a leader in an organization. Just saying it makes me laugh, because I think you do have to approach some situations with humor. What do you think?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I think that sounds great. I also want to share one thing because I was trying to think about negotiation being on topic for your podcast and, fun fact before I was roommates with Susie. My sophomore year I lived on Brayden Hall at CSU with Susie's older brother, dan, so Dan and Todd had a contest on who could eat the most chicken nuggets in the.

Speaker 2:

Torr cafeteria. So they both went and they both ate 40, and then they negotiated. They said okay to Truce, we're going to stop. And they both agreed yeah, let's stop. And then they were going to put their trays away and Todd at the last minute popped one more in his mouth and Dan couldn't get any more because it was all done and they had put their trays away. So that's how not to negotiate best.

Speaker 1:

That's bluffing. That's bluffing, Todd bluffed. And now our Todd and Dan friends. They may not even be friends anymore because of that. The mishap within McNuggets.

Speaker 2:

Thanks for that Only 20 year old men could eat 40 chicken nuggets yeah.

Speaker 1:

And that was my older brother. So think of the pressure back in the teenage years to eat a lot. It was always a competition. Thank you for bringing me down memory lane and keeping the podcast on topic.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I just wanted to say that and I wanted to give a shout out to Mr and Mrs Elia and say hello. Because I went to your house like on Easter and holidays a couple of times because my parents lived in Durango so it was always sweet that to have friends who had family and Denver.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, to spend the holidays.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you're like an extension of the family. Yeah, they were the. You were the funny daughter they never had. So it's funny to me that now you know, since our paths have recrossed again after a few years, it's funny to me that I have corporate experience and you have had kind of the same level of stress and anxiety that I have had, but it's more like kind of on a open stage. So tell people, give them a sense of what has this been like for you, what has this journey been like, and explain that, and then we'll go into how it is connected to leadership.

Speaker 2:

I think that On some deep level, my why for doing stand-up comedy is big and it's almost annoying a little bit. It's sometimes it'd be so easy to stop, but I love making people laugh and and more so the connection that you get, like it just feels so good when someone comes up and says I was having such a bad day and I almost didn't come and I had so much fun, thank you. So it makes me feel good if I do my job well, so someone can have that stress relief, so they can go do their job well, whatever that may may be for them. So I love that. And, gosh, I felt like I was gonna say something else, like even and when I talk about connection to like, I just did a corporate event with two other speakers, so we kind of they were both male, but they both sort of had different backgrounds, so we were three sort of very different, came from different Places, and it was nice that a few women came up and said I could really relate to what you were saying and I love that.

Speaker 2:

I started about 20 years ago, so then you would get your VCR tape and you would send it to the Clubs, you know, and they would watch all these. Wow, and it was a little bit after Roseanne, but you know, of course there's Jerry Seinfeld yeah things like that.

Speaker 2:

Now there are comedians for every different kind of Person or what they're going through, and things like that. I love that. Everybody Can now see themselves on stage and laugh and relate to their pains and and life. That's what I feel. I know it's funny, but I the funny is in the, the pain. I find a little bit, yeah, so. So that's what I think is incredible that stand-up comedy is just exploding and there's something for everyone.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it and okay, so let's just jump right into it.

Speaker 1:

Like connection for leaders and even negotiation you know they say that the whole thing is around having a good relationship with the other party, because there's very few times where you're doing a negotiation with somebody you don't care about, like maybe the car dealer, maybe it's the right, you know, but most the time it's about this long-term relationship and so you and that connection that you make with people, that purpose is so important for leaders and when you sit at a negotiation table, but especially for leaders, I find to that you have to believe that you're making an impact.

Speaker 1:

You have to get to the point, even if somebody doesn't tell you that you are, because so many times Something may land and hopefully this isn't work, for this is. This is not true for a community. This is probably bad, but sometimes advice or something as a leader that you give to somebody they don't get until a month later, a year later or whatever. So like they don't get your joke at that long and they laugh like you've missed that. You know Connection, but that connection point is super important from leadership and negotiation. What do you exactly?

Speaker 2:

And I suppose that would go to be prepared. So when you see someone do their Netflix special that's not the first time they've done those jokes, because they've done them a couple times in smaller venues Trying them out, and they're not quite working. Or, more importantly, like my daughters are in their 20s now and I'll say, hey, what about this? And I'll go. I see what you're trying to say, but you're not there yet. I, I, I didn't understand sort of the setup or something like that.

Speaker 2:

So, so just kind of being clear, so the other the audience, in my instance, or the other person you're negotiating understands what you are saying, because a lot of times too, if I'm doing I do a monthly coaching call a lot of times people will think, well, they didn't think that was funny. But if people are confused they're not gonna laugh. So you may still be on to something. It just it needs fine tuning to get there, so sort of the back and forth and then being okay with that too while you're up there. Yeah, I know you've just given it a shot, let's see what sticks to the wall, yeah, and yeah, how do you find the courage?

Speaker 1:

So there's a lot of courage in leadership because you try things or you say things and you're not sure if that lands. How have you found the courage and and how has that changed over time?

Speaker 2:

That is a great question, I think. The why. And then, coming back to the why, reminding yourself before you go on stage, you know so I sort of have like this, how I get ready. I want to say ritual I don't know if ritual is the right word, you know so. For example, I was getting dressed and ready, I was listening to your podcast so I can get in the mode of this presentation, even though it's a podcast. How can I be there for Susie and picturing? I picture the audience. You know other people are going to be in their car driving to work. How can I make it fun, papa E and Mimi, you're going to be listening.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how can I make it work? And here's one thing that I want to talk about on stage that I haven't talked about. That goes to how can you, how do you? I don't feel like I'm courageous when I do it. Isn't that funny? I'm sure it is. I just feel like I have to do it and I so I just do it. But I saw I was having a rough year last year and someone that I went, grew up with in Durango, was coming up and he said, hey, his wife and him that he goes. I know you're having a hard time, or her other friend was having a hard time. We're going to take you to a concert to make you feel better, which was so generous. I'm thinking it's going to be like, you know, jazz in the parks. We're going to sit and have cheese and wine and talk about our feelings. And so I download the ticket. It's for Joan Jett. Poison Death, leopard, motley Crew, horse Field, front Row.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. What a pick me up.

Speaker 2:

What a pick me up it was. So I just got my hearing back last week and it was great. The speakers, you could feel it, you could feel the music, and I'm a huge death leopard fan. And here's what I thought about them. Like when I was in college before I even met you, suzy I had a Walkman, I had my summer job and I would listen to them as I rode my bike home.

Speaker 2:

So they sang those songs from is that 40 years ago? It's almost 40 years ago. Wow. Like for me hearing it for the first time, and I was fascinated.

Speaker 2:

I'm like as a fellow performer, how did they sing that song that they have been singing at least once a week, probably, probably at least 40 times a year For the past 40 years? And they sang it for me and so I just kind of did a deep dive. And here's what I think you know for me it's having the audience feel the connection and have a good time, even though that feels light. That's what I want to bring. I want you to just have a good time tonight. Let's just be silly and laugh and snort and make food come out our nose, and then I've done my job.

Speaker 2:

And they, they have said from an early I've listened to interviews from early on they do it for their fans. They are really appreciative of their fans and they've had hardships. You know, the drummer lost his arm, so they'll adjust Wow, he made the drums, so his left foot can take the place of that Wow. So they adjust to the times. And then they still are there for the fans and what the fans love. So so that is, even though it's kind of different, like doing comedy. They want new jokes more, whereas Def Leppard and Motley Crue they're going to have to sing those same songs, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I think that's great, and so I see a direct tie because you talked about your why being that connection with others and showing up for them and not you first. Yeah, and so like as as they've done those over and over, and the fact that they give you this feeling that they're doing it for the first time. It's. I get that sometimes when I'm talking in front of groups and I've done this same exercise over and over again and I'm like, oh my gosh, and every time, huge aha is in the room, but I'm like, oh, I need to change it a little bit. I'm doing it for me. I'm changing it for me because it feels stale. Yes, and that's not. That's not my purpose. My purpose isn't for people to like me or or do anything about me. It's for them to see themselves differently. And you're doing that same connection. So is who knew that Def Leppard and Stephanie McHugh and Susie Tomacek all have similar? We have so much to comment.

Speaker 2:

We are here for our audience and dare I say, we would all look good. And leather pants we so true.

Speaker 1:

Amen, sister. Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. And the other thing I love about your example is let's think about a team and how Def Leppard has been a team and the drummer has an accident and the band members adjust and are their patient and they wait and they allow him to show up differently. And teams need to. You know there's a lot of research around how people should hire teams that are existing because there's so much continuity and glue that goes with that team being a unit together and when you break them apart you can't resurrect that glue or that connection. And that's the other thing. Who knew we could get leadership lessons from a professional comedian and a famous rock band Right All in one?

Speaker 2:

Yes, yeah, and what was interesting too to sort of not to diss anyone who likes Motley Crew, because they were good too oh, I can tell. Yeah, they were a little dead in the eyes, which I can relate to also, like being in a bar in Cedar Rapids, iowa. You drove a long way for not a lot of money and there's 20 people there that you know. But and you're like I have to do these jokes again and you've got to find your, your why, and I felt like they kind of that day maybe it's not every day that they feel that way, that they perform, but when I've done research on them, they're they're sort of in fighting and I think they would want to go their separate ways, which there's nothing wrong with that either. It's just that the world wants to see them together. So they're just. I think their money is the why a little bit, or the managers want them together, not them. So it was just fascinating to see both, both bands, and what.

Speaker 2:

I can take away from them and that yeah.

Speaker 1:

So I want to go back to Cedar Rapids and talk about that, because you go to this bar, you're in this small venue. Nobody's paying attention to you. They're playing pool or when that happens, like when people are talking and you're not.

Speaker 2:

Like you're not in a comedy club where you're like we're going to leave the football game on cause people want to you know, they'll get mad if and I'm like, oh, don't do that.

Speaker 1:

How do you do that in your head so that you still deliver at the level, so it looks like you're alive in your eyes, to your point, yeah, Well, sometimes that's where experience comes in.

Speaker 2:

I've done that before. I've had, you know, good shows and bad shows, and even there's been good shows, like a corporate event. They're bigger but they're farther away, they're in their work. Setting is way different than if you're going to a comedy club on a Friday night. When it's date night and comedy clubs, there's a reason they're dark and the tables are close together is cause that's an ideal setting for a standup comedy. So the energy is going to be way bigger. So it's part of views. Like I know, this energy is going to be different and it's totally okay. We're going with how the energy is and that's fine. So that's what I would bring to the Cedar Rapids room and also which is hypothetical, by the way, if someone's in Cedar Rapids.

Speaker 2:

I listened to Will Ferrell, who was on Dana Carvey and David Spade's podcast. Yeah, it was so funny. And David Spade was saying or I think, I think Will Ferrell just brought it up they were talking about when they were on Saturday night live and if the audience didn't like a sketch, will Ferrell said if you didn't like it, then just wait till I get done, cause I'm going a hundred percent in on you not liking it, so he's even in if you don't like it. That's the energy we're going with. Wait, I'm going to slow it down. I'm going to do everything to make it comfortable for everyone, and I love that too. So I guess it's all in. Find the energy, do the work ahead of time so that you are all in.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it's so relatable. I mean, I think, what I think, leaders and negotiators, the missed opportunity is making space before you have a conversation, a difficult conversation, a one-on-one, a team event, a team kind of town hall, is taking the time to get your head on right, or during the time of downsizing and centralization, it's hard to you have to bring the energy and you have to take time to get your head right and just be able to show up in the way that they need to see you. In that moment, even if they're not feeling it, they still expect you to still be the leader that they think you are, and it's the same thing. It's like they expect you when it go on stage. This kind of hypes me up sometimes is they're paying me to be a speaker, so they must think I'm good, like the first time I was like oh my gosh, you know, so you have this expectation, so you better do it and find the way to just be at your best, right, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then yes, that's the first thing, and then it's okay if it's not. Like sometimes I have to make that adjustment a few times when I'm on stage even too. So I guess I don't want people thinking like I'm just bringing this all the time. Sometimes I'm on stage and my mind will wander a little bit. I'm like wait a minute, you know, get back to this joke, like you'll think about should I say it this way or that way? And I'm like you need to be present right now for these people. You know, focus right back. So, yes, and it is a constant ongoing thing for me.

Speaker 1:

If that makes sense on stage too, yeah, Totally, and you were on TV like you did some kind of competition. Tell us a little bit about some of those big experiences and what those meant to you. Or maybe they were a lot different than us normal people would Imagine.

Speaker 2:

Um, I auditioned to be on a morning radio show and I had to get up at three in the morning Like four or five times. And you're not getting paid, you're just going into audition and other women are going into, so I and I am a night out, like I usually go to bed in the morning.

Speaker 1:

That's what I was going to say is don't to all the listeners. Steph doesn't get up to like noon. Wait, I got to take his time out. We used to have a one o'clock class, it was. It was the rhetoric class.

Speaker 2:

Remember the rhetoric.

Speaker 1:

And it was for Dr Irving, and I remember I would be like, oh my gosh, right after lunch it was so hard in this hot room to stay awake for this rhetoric. He was brilliant but he talked like and.

Speaker 2:

I remember you have an ASMR channel what you would be so he could have an ASMR of like very soft and going Totally Like fit the topic, exactly Like the history of rhetoric or something.

Speaker 1:

It was what it was. He was brilliant. I loved the class, but you would just come in, you would sit in your seat and you put your head down because you said why fight it? I'm just going to go to class, I'm just sleep through the whole thing.

Speaker 2:

Every time, every time, and I thought wow, I think we set up front once Like I tried everything I would try having a Diet Coke. I sat in the very front and I was falling asleep and he took my book and he just closed it and that made me awake for like five minutes. But one o'clock is a tough time in the afternoon for me to stay awake. I totally forgot about that, okay.

Speaker 1:

So anyway, back to this story, back to the story about the morning show.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you know what I was debating too. I'm like what if I get up at three and stay up till like two in the afternoon and then sleep like switch my days around, right, but I had teenage girls and I don't think I could. I just don't think I could do it. So I'm going to audition, I lay out my clothes ahead of time, I'm going in there and you're standing up and you got your ear headphones on, talking in the mic, and I'm just rubbing my arms against my legs and I feel my pants like going back and forth and I was like, oh my gosh, I put my pants on inside out. I don't have much of a back end, first of all. That upsets me all the time. I wish I had more Beyonce in me and so I just pulled my pants up on and they were inside out.

Speaker 2:

So I said on the radio I'm like I just put my pants on backwards this morning and I so that's being in the moment, like you know, and I don't know if this goes for leadership, but if you're on stage and somebody drops a glass and it makes a noise, unless if you're, I say acknowledge it. You know, you know, yeah, try to find something to add on to that. That's because then people are like, wow, you know, really, that really connects with people if you can do that. So I honestly think I got that job, because I said my pants were inside out and I just acknowledged it in the moment. So being in the moment and definitely preparing for those I mean an on stage TV, they want to know what you're saying and they approve it and everything like that. So you can't sort of be too. Now that I just said be in the moment, you just can't go off script really in your time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's a nice balance. It prepare means have your head right so in the moments you can change and think about what you need to do and think about the space of where those people are so that you can meet them where they are. But it doesn't mean to be so scripted that you because if you are scripted and you need to be for the morning show, but in most of your comedy if you adjust to the moment, whether you have your pants inside out or somebody drops a glass being vulnerable in that moment is that connection People love, that. That's what people want to see, that's what the research shows over and over again about social media. And the connection that people get is when leaders are vulnerable.

Speaker 1:

people see themselves in them and it gives them the courage to do what they need to do for themselves. And so, instead of embrace that, embrace what's happening around you, and preparing allows you to be in the moment, I think, because it gets you in your head right. It kind of aligns everything for you, so you know what you're going to do.

Speaker 2:

I totally agree. Yeah, then you're not so worried about oh my god, or trying to sort of prepare in real time. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, totally yeah. Yeah, it's super helpful. What is one thing that you do? I think one thing that people always talk about in leadership is just that imposter syndrome and getting in your head and negotiating with yourself and how does that show up for you. Is that a thing for you and what do you do to combat it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, um, it is a thing for me, and Lately, like the past year or two, I'm spending more time Outside of the comedy world other than when I need to perform, and spending more time with friends and family Like it's been great to reconnect Susie, and things like that.

Speaker 2:

So that makes it more Like it's nice to be reminded. You know that, oh, that's really courageous that you get on stage and and do that. Yeah, because when you're in it with everyone else, we're just sort of we don't bring that up. You know so are you?

Speaker 1:

saying it's through that other people that you realize you are human and those things happen. It's a part of the process.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1:

Well, tell us a little bit. I know we're up against the timing. I want to make sure that I'm I'm respectful of your time. Tell people kind of what you're doing now and what if people are interested in working with you? What, what would that look like?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, we are coming up on the holiday season, holiday parties and I love doing things. So if you have like a entrepreneur group or a meeting and you want something at the beginning to kind of lighten the mood and fun, and I do somewhere, it's just even quick ten minutes set at the beginning of the meeting just to make it fun and and Lift it up the energy before, before they get into it.

Speaker 1:

You know what's great about that is. The other benefit of that is, in corporate you never say it's a set, it's always an agenda. So they can also just say and we're gonna start out the meeting with art, with it, we're gonna have a set. Like that's pretty cool to me. Yeah, yeah, there you go, yeah that's great. You should hire you too, because it's cool. You'll be cool, yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so, so, that's.

Speaker 1:

Your agent.

Speaker 2:

I'm gonna be at a call, like we're having a call, and this is my emotional support.

Speaker 1:

Susan or her.

Speaker 2:

Why is she holding your hand? Because I want her to, so just let's have this conversation. You stay focused.

Speaker 1:

Do you want me to get to this meeting?

Speaker 2:

Let her hold my hand. So, yes, so if you have any Corporate parties coming up or if you're having any meetings and you want the beginning to, you know, start in a different, fun way, I would love to be a part of that. Yeah, and you can follow me on Instagram at Steph comedy, or I'm on Facebook, stephanie McHugh comedian, and We'll put it in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

We'll put in the show notes and go and see her, because you can see what she just talks about regular life stuff and it's, it's hilarious. I follow her and always have to get a dose of her every day and and it, like you said it, whether it's a webinar, it doesn't have to be in person, it could be an in-person thing, but what a great way to bring that connection and show people that you care. It's like an investment, like I brought this special person to kind of like kick us off To do the first set. I love that. I'm gonna keep saying I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the first set of the meeting and then Bob from accounting is gonna finish off with our year-end numbers.

Speaker 1:

Poor Bob is gonna have to. Yeah, so they can get advice from me on who should follow you. Probably not Bob, but maybe you know somebody else.

Speaker 2:

This is I.

Speaker 1:

Know, but if you're a count, you know I have a daughter, this accountant so I can poke fun. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2:

People say how do you find the courage? I'm like, getting on stage is okay, doing your taxes, that's scary courageous.

Speaker 1:

That's very true.

Speaker 2:

Courageous everybody has their own strengths, and I love that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah well, I appreciate your courage to come on here and talk about you know yourself in this context. So thank you so much for being here, steph. It's always good to see you. Thank you, we've reconnected and I don't know if this podcast was more for us or for them, but I hope that people got something out of it. We are glad you're here, we're glad you're joining us. Make sure that you do follow Stephanie and I'll probably have her back to talk about. How can you bring humor, maybe some tips for that meeting, that town hall, you know to bring your pull that out.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, would love to yes, awesome. Well, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thanks, stephanie. This has been leaders with leverage. I'm Susie. Feel free to. If you want to show this with somebody, just because you were entertained. Please do appreciate it and I appreciate you. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of leaders with leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach Any time you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the art of everyday negotiation without manipulation. In this book, you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day-to-day You'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.

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