How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Create a career you love with Loren Greiff
Ever felt victimized in your career, suffering through a broken system that leaves you unfulfilled? You're not alone. Lauren Greif, a solopreneur on a mission to eradicate career victimization, joins us today to shed light on this widespread issue, offering a fresh perspective beyond resumes and job titles. Inspired by Simon Sinek's concept, we urge you to reconnect with your 'why' - a crucial first step towards a more satisfying career.
It's not about asking for help straight away but investing in genuine relationships first. Hear real-life success stories of how this approach has helped individuals secure executive positions. The power to create the career you love is just one listen away.
In this episode, we talk about the following:
1. Overcoming the victim mindset when it comes to your career.
2. The importance of knowing your "why" and revisiting your values.
3. The significance of nurturing connections over time to foster opportunities.
Connect with Loren:
https://www.portfoliorocket.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorengreiff/
https://www.instagram.com/portfoliorocket/
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with leverage.
Speaker 1:Hi and welcome to Leaders with Leverage. I'm Suzy, your host, and I'm so glad you're here because I have a very good friend with me today who I just adore and we share such a common bond because we really want to help executives. And let me tell you, her name is Lauren Greif and she I love this, lauren. I'm just going to say this she is on a mission to end career victimization, one executive at a time, and that's your mission, and you're a solopaneur. But tell me what that means. Let's start there.
Speaker 2:What does that mean we can be victimized in our careers on our own, and then, of course, the marketplace can also do its fair share of victimizing us in the process. So this works in both directions, and why this has become so important is because the system itself is not going to do any good for any of us. We know that it's broken. Everybody will tell you that it's broken. And so now what? Because if we rely on the system to correct itself, it's going to be a long day in hell before that happens.
Speaker 2:Sure, we're making headwinds and things are changing, but probably not as fast as you would want it to if you are in the search. So part of this opportunity for those of us who are not willing to settle to just necessarily put a time card in and say, yes, I have a job and I'm making the donuts, is to figure out OK, so how do we get ahead of this? How do we end this victim either mindset and or processes in order to get to where we want to go, so we can make the impact that we're looking for and feel more fulfilled in the process?
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, I can't wait to dig in more. I mean, if I'm listening to this and I'm like, yeah, I'm in my job and I love what I do, what are some of the questions that you think people should continue to begin to ponder, to think if they are on a path for them, if you are loving your work and you're quote unquote skipping to work on Monday.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're not necessarily looking to make a change, but for the rest of the planet, who is going through questions about why are they doing this anyway? Right, a lot of people get into that place where they're thinking to themselves wait, how did I get here? Yeah, I just did this. Or I got plucked to move here and in many cases that navigation system went out the window years and years and years ago, and on some level they've been on autopilot. And now the question becomes while I've been on this wheel, I don't know if I want to stay on it anymore. I think I might want to get off. I'm finding myself empty or unfulfilled in some way, shape or form. Maybe I'm making the paycheck or maybe I'm not, but it's really not all about that. That can work for a little while. Stories have shown us about three or four months if you get a big increase in your compensation before the reality sets in and you're like, okay, now I have to do the work that comes with this compensation. I'm not sure if I'm in love with that.
Speaker 1:So it's almost like you're saying people allow their careers to happen to them instead of for them. So what do you help people do? How should I move forward if I do feel like, oh, I'm not really sure I am in control of where I want to go next, what should people do? And it worries me, like you said, the system is broken so that would cause me to go. But if I'm okay, I might as well just stay here because I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:So let's just talk about that before we get into some of the solution, because there's an actual term for this. It's called sheltering, and sheltering is when you go under shelter and you start getting into that mindset that well, it's not so bad and whatever is out there is going to be that much worse. So you may as well be good and miserable staying here, because at least you have benefits, or you have this and I'm not. This is not like oh, and you should or you shouldn't. I'm just saying that's often a very familiar phenomenon and part of the reason why it exists is because, number one, what we established, the system, is broken and most people don't necessarily know how to get into a place where sheltering is a smaller and smaller and smaller piece of the equation, so that they can actually move over to a more fulfilling career lifestyle. Could you be scratching your head, saying to myself wow, I know I'm doing this, and, of course, self-awareness is a big piece of this equation and you find yourself in that place where you're getting real.
Speaker 2:The first thing that I want you to do do not do your resume, do not redo your resume. That is landline thinking. Do not do that when you executive out there are going into. Whatever is next, I want you to take a visit back to our friends Simon Sinek, and why I ask you to do this is because if you don't know why you're doing this in the first place no-transcript, you'll go back and you'll rinse and repeat. So you really need to unravel why it matters.
Speaker 2:Why is it this thing that you are willing to give a third of your life to?
Speaker 2:Why is it this thing that you want to be a leader?
Speaker 2:And I'm not talking about titles right now, because we've also been trained to think that these placeholders the job description, the resume, the title, the logo of the company is the reason why some people get hired and some people don't.
Speaker 2:And at the end of the whole day, it really does boil down to your why. Because the person that emanates that why is an undeniable force, and that person is going to be able to inspire other people within that organization well after they go home on a Thursday night. It's also going to be the person that is not necessarily doing line by line of check the box on that job description. It's that person who is eating, breathing, sleeping it not because somebody's telling them to, because they just can't resist doing it on their own, because it's such a it lights them up so much, and we see that I mean I'm fortunate enough to say I live that every single day and I promote that for my clients, which is why they come to work for me, because they're not looking for a J-O-B, they're looking for a greater sense of purpose, a greater sense of fulfillment, and certainly on many levels, and they all stand for an opportunity to change the world or their industry, however that bigger, small might be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I love that so much and you know, to be completely transparent with you, I feel like I finally found my why. I really understand my purpose, and what that means to me is I wake up every day super excited to do what I do because I know my why. So if you're not waking up every day feeling so full of energy and passion, then you need to find that.
Speaker 2:I mean, I would say that that is a great byproduct of having your why. It sure is right. You're energized, you have more to give. Little things don't bother you, because even if you don't necessarily win that opportunity, it's bigger than that right. It's bigger than that. You're not going to be picked off the bus or anything like that. You're more sure-footed. And what I also wanted to share is that, whether it's in my earlier parts of my career and other parts, and same for my clients, I have been that victim. I have been that victim and I know what that has sounded like in my head, but I didn't recognize how much of a barrier I was creating for myself. So it's okay that you're feeling that way, but it's not okay to conduct your life in order to stay there, because it won't necessarily yield the very outcome that it is that you're looking for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it becomes a habit, I feel like, especially now, where we just go into and we look at our calendars and just go through, and if I have a full day of calendars, that must mean I have value in what I do. So how do people kind of wake themselves up to go oh, I need to really kind of step out of this and really discover that. How does that happen?
Speaker 2:So sadly, there's usually some kind of consequence. Most people and we do this in the health area too I don't really need to curb this or curb that, because I don't have necessarily a negative result, and most people are not necessarily proactive about pushing themselves forward in their career, maybe about promotions. But I'm talking about proactively leaving one thing to do another, because it's not easy and the expectation is it's going to be a hellacious root canal. People expect that their job search is going to be so awful, which is again another reason why they're sheltering, because, oh, this is definitely the lesser of two evils. What they should do is first of all understand where the misery is. Is it with the company? Is it with the industry? Is it with their lack of impact? Is it coming from the fact that they haven't been compensated? Has the company gone through so many different reorgs that there's no leadership? So you really have to get to the diagnosis of what is really happening. So I'm not pro-leaving or pro-staying, but you really want to understand what the issues are and what you can do. That is on your plate.
Speaker 2:What do you own in this process? Did you sign up for something? Did you go to a startup and then wonder why there's no stability. Well, it comes with the territory. So part of this is understanding the landscape and what it is that can be corrected in your current environment. If you are in a place, maybe you've been let go, or maybe there's just no more growth opportunity at that respective company. That why, is your first place to go. And also your values.
Speaker 2:Alignment. Values are not woo-woo and I think that a lot of executives they say that there is a value misalignment, but then when we go back and identify what their core values are, they're like wait a minute, what's the big deal here? You can't attract what you're not at right, so you want to build that alignment early on. You can actually do searches on LinkedIn for values. You can see which companies are valuing transparency or integrity. Now, gentle reminder, just because they say it doesn't mean that they haven't. So don't believe everything that you read. You need to do the digging, you need to have conversations, so do not rely on anything on a public website. You can sure go ahead and listen to YouTube videos and et cetera, but there will be nothing as real and as transparent as conversations that you ask good questions for to be able to better understand if they are in a values alignment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I completely agree with you. The why and the values are not fluffy. They are important, foundational things and, just like in a negotiation, if you don't know where you're going, if you don't know what your goal is, you're not going to get there and you'll miss opportunities along the way. So if you haven't done the work, even if you're really happy where you are, I would say understand your why and reevaluate your values and just check that on a regular basis so that you can identify a misalignment. Or if there are things that you meet somebody and they start talking about their company, like you said, it's having those conversations and being curious to see where there might be opportunities for you. But if, just like in a negotiation, if you don't know where you're going, you're not going to get there. You won't get the goal you're going for.
Speaker 2:You raised such a good point because I think that we have been trained to believe that this is my career and my values today are going to be the same values that I have in three years or five years, even though, intellectually, we know otherwise. So you and I were talking right before we started recording my values. Back in the day, when I was being a single parent was like how do I get through the week, put some food on the table, make sure the kids are doing their homework and keep it all together? I was not looking for the things that I would be looking for today, so you have to revisit them, and if you are not revisiting them, chances are you'll probably get more of them the same, and so we see this happening over and over again with many of the executives that we work with.
Speaker 2:I've been at this company for 10 years and I just don't align with this company's values. So it's not surprising, because 10 years ago maybe you didn't have kids. 10 years ago, maybe you were grinding. 10 years ago you were okay being a road warrior, but those things are not part of your equation today. So you really need to think about some of those facets, because that will change not just your level of fulfillment, but the time that you are focused in on your work life versus other things that may have become a higher priority or just hold more weight.
Speaker 1:Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. I love that you said what is your equation and being curious about that, that what it is and testing against that, and like we've started, your mission is so clear. You help people end their career victimization one executive at a time, and it's such a great place to start.
Speaker 1:Everybody had their sentence or their thing. That is there why. What a great conversation starter. What a great way to network and meet people. The other thing that I find so interesting is people are so busy and we've, as a society had said, you know, busyness equates to value for some Stupid reason, but we get so locked into that that we're like I don't have time to meet other people or or be curious about where I'm going. You better make the time, and even engaging with people can help you figure out yourself, because That'll force you to talk about what really is important to you.
Speaker 2:I would, on a very bare minimum basis, tell you that over 90% of our clients are landing executive jobs. They never applied for me. These are jobs that are coming in the hidden job market, from conversations, from waking up some of the dormant ties or Lucid ties that were in their network maybe 1015 years ago. So those people are not. You cannot afford to forget that they ever existed, and please, long before you need them, right? That's the that's kind of the icky part.
Speaker 2:Why people don't like networking Is primarily because their expectation and maybe they've done this themselves, I know I have Is that there's a transaction that needs to take place and so now I don't want a network, because I don't want people to think oh no, yeah, she's gonna use me for her referrals. Well, if you haven't been Giving to them for x period of time, they sure as hell will think that. So Do it as coming from the heart. Don't do it because I say you know cash in another reason why to go connect with them. If you care about these people, let them know.
Speaker 2:Don't be a stranger and then find yourself in another. You know time in your life where you're like oh, by the way, I know it's been a really long time, but I was just wondering can you make that introduction to google? Because that's not gonna work. So it can be work, but it also is really a byproduct of what it is that you're here to do, because if you're talking to these people Is probably a way to infuse more joy in your life, not necessarily an obligation.
Speaker 1:I couldn't agree more and I also I believe that somebody, if you went to somebody and they in, I want you to make this introduction and you haven't been investing in that relationship they may do you more harm than good. And it's not that they, they would kind of do a half fast Introduction or just pass along your resume in a way that's just like well, here's this person I don't really know very much that's not even true, because you know this and I know this their reputation is on the line for sure.
Speaker 2:They're not gonna put it, they're not gonna phone it in for you if it doesn't make them look good. So if they are not passing along, that could be not always, but it could be an indication that you haven't necessarily given them a strong reason why you would be valuable to that person that they would intro you to. Yeah, so you really need to be able to ask yourself what's it for them? Why are they gonna do this? Because, again, they're protective and, as they should, they built the relationship. You're now the piggybacker. They own that relationship with that person. You want to hitch a ride? No problem, but you have to earn your seat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it's the investing in that can just be reaching out on a regular basis. It could be sharing an article, it's just keeping all of those relationships alive and well and so that when it matters, they know that you cared enough about them. Always ask what you can do for the other person.
Speaker 2:We just in our group yesterday, we put together a nurture campaign, a nurture campaign for people in our network, and it's 70 emails, five minutes a day, and these are. It's like flossing, right no. You're wanting to know why you have a cavity. So you haven't lost in a couple months. So you really want to have some kind of good networking hygiene.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's a great metric for people to use. Is just doing that five minutes a day?
Speaker 2:It's not a lot of time. It's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can you share a story or something about somebody's journey that you help them with, just to give people some ideas of what it might look like? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So I just yesterday was speaking with a client who was in one of our programs and he landed in less than 10 weeks for a very big role. He was a director this is an SBP role and what ended up happening was he had he had been in his job for a very long time double digits and kind of confused, and he joined. We had a free power hour. He joined this power hour and then went on to become a client in one of our boot camps. We do boot camp and what ended up happening is he literally when he went through that Y exercise, it was like Las Vegas Wow, bells and whistles went off for him. Couple days later he went to a networking meeting and he didn't even realize that he was so jazzed up. But somebody made an introduction and so on and so on and so on. He landed in record speed time and he also I mean he increased his compensation by somewhere between like 30, it was like 38%, it wasn't. But it wasn't about that for him. Yes, of course that was a nice product, but it was really about the fact that he is going to be in this organization.
Speaker 2:He starts on the 14th of November. He is moving and shaking, but he's also got a lot of pep in his step. He's feeling. He's feeling and he's probably in his like mid fifties. He's feeling like I got a new lease on life. I have a longer runway than I ever thought. I'm not sitting around going, wow, when am I going to retire? No, I get to do what I want to do and I could do it the way I want to do it when I want to do it, and this is awesome. So we all want to have that feeling of oh my goodness, you know, I want to wake up, come to work, feel energized, hang around people that I love, be a part of a mission, and I want to just say it is possible, it will not land in your lap, it will not just come. You have to be a part of the process.
Speaker 1:Wow, and what a great even listening to you tell the story and hearing your passion around it and your smile, because it fits your mission. It was one executive that found their path because of your support in that, so that's amazing. So great.
Speaker 1:So great. I love that. I love your mission and it's funny when we got on and I said you know how do I kind of position you like, just go and just I am all in on this statement. I help people end their career, victimization One person at a time. That's so powerful. So what is your? I would say what is your? Why? To whoever's listening to this take your time to really figure that out. Understand your values. Those are the foundational, those are the what do they say? The meat and the potatoes, those are table stakes. You got to at least have those.
Speaker 2:I want to put out a little caveat, because this is by far and away the most challenging piece of our entire program. People come in here and they come and they work with us and they're like I can't believe how challenging this is. This is the hardest piece of the whole damn thing, and the reason for that is many times we're just too close to it ourselves. So if you are challenged with this and you are not alone and there are exercises that you can do I mean, certainly there's things online, but at the end of the day, the easiest way to get to it and there's an exercise by a gentleman by the name of Dean Graziano and he talks about going seven levels deep you can play this game. So you'll say, well, my, my, why is to be the best parent I can. And the other person all they need to do is say why, why, seven times, and that will start to distill down.
Speaker 2:What's the real reason for this? Yeah, and lastly, move it from your head to your heart. That's the big thing. Get away from that kind of rational thinking to drive revenue Well, we know that. If you're a chief revenue officer, we know that. Let's find out why that's such a big deal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love it. Well, tell people how do they get to know you, how do they engage with you, how to find you.
Speaker 2:You can find me. First place is on LinkedIn, lauren Greif, and you can also find me at my company website, portfoliorocketcom. I also have a career podcast called Career Blast and a Half, and it is all about zooming past stinky career advice, so I take it very seriously. No smell intended, but, that being said, please tune into that.
Speaker 1:Lauren, thank you so much for being here. I know your time is so valuable. You invest in people all day long. Thank you for taking the time and investing in the people in this community. I so appreciate you.
Speaker 2:My pleasure, always my pleasure. Thank you, susie.
Speaker 1:Thank you, and thank you for joining us today. If there's anything on your mind related to leadership or developing your negotiator mindset, please reach out, ask a question. Love to bring it up here Because if you have a question on your mind on how to further your negotiator mindset, I want to know about it so I can share it with others and answer that question. So if you feel like somebody needs to hear this podcast, share it with them. Both Lauren and I would love that. It'd be a win-win, right, Lauren? Be a win-win for both of us Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So this is Leaders with Leverage. I'm Susie Tomachuk. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders with Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach anytime you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book, you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day-to-day You'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
