How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Elevating your relationships in leadership
Imagine fostering a culture where every piece of advice propels your team to heightened success, blending trust and strategic direction into a roadmap for future triumphs. In today's episode, we delve into the nuances of unity, trust, and the intricate web of internal networking, revealing how feedback is not merely a managerial task but an advocacy for collective growth and personal evolution.
I'll equip you with the skills to frame feedback constructively, communicate with impact across various professional landscapes, and understand the critical marriage of needs and personal goals. Tune in and transform the way you perceive leadership and feedback, fostering a legacy of growth and empowerment.
In this episode, you'll learn the following:
1. The importance of providing feedback beyond the immediate job responsibilities of your team members.
2. The significance of considering team dynamics when providing feedback, instead of focusing solely on individual performance.
3. Learning that feedback is not solely the responsibility of those in hierarchical positions.
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with leverage. Hi, friend, I'm Suzy. This is Leaders with Leverage. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1:I really mean that I talk a lot about feedback. In a lot that I do, I always laugh. I've had a few executive leaders who have said can you come in and teach my team how to take feedback? And I'm like, ugh, it starts at the top. It really does start at the top, but I'm not taking it that route, I'm taking it off the beaten path. This came to mind for me.
Speaker 1:I was talking to a friend of mine who is an entrepreneur and he runs a business. He was talking about somebody in his network that a lot of people know and respect, who talks a big game, talks about helping out others and has a reputation for not doing as they say. They're all talk about helping one another and they kind of preach it, but yet when it comes down to it, everybody's a compared notes and the person just falls through on none of it. None of it, and everybody knows it's become kind of this joke and it's actually gone on for a long time. And we were talking about his responsibility in articulating to that person about this perception of them and I was feeling really nervous for him and also part of me was like, is it really your responsibility? It's really their fault. And I had to catch myself and I'm definitely in a unique position because people hire me to help them see different perspectives. So I kind of feel like I have license to tell people what I think they need to hear. So I'll have pretty difficult conversations with people if I notice things, because people are always who they are. So if I observe something when I observe them in front of their team or I watch them in a meeting, or even if I'm talking to them and they're describing a scenario, sometimes I can say oh, has anybody ever told you that you sound a little harsh, or is that really how? What are the words you use to do that?
Speaker 1:And sometimes we keep inside of us the feedback that we have for others because we don't feel like it's ours to share. So I wanted to first of all think about you as a leader and what are some of the opportunities beyond the obvious feedback categories that you could be providing to your people? And then, secondly, what do you do when you observe something, and why should you give feedback to somebody that you aren't officially responsible for? That's the thing we feel like our feedback is. Even some of us have a hard time giving feedback, but that our feedback is really for the people that report into us. And those boundaries are very loose, and I would say the higher you get up in the organization, especially that feedback that you give to your peers well, I say that and I could feel people cringe or your boss is your responsibility, because it might be impeding the business results. So the earlier you start and getting comfortable with that, the better. So I'm going to give you some things to think about, just consider here.
Speaker 1:So let's first talk about your people, and I want to give you three things. It's always great to do things in threes. Three things to think about about. Are you giving this kind of feedback to your people? One is strategic direction Are you giving them insights and observations that will help them really grow professionally? Are you thinking about the feedback, not just what they need to do in their role, but what they need to do to sharpen that skill? Are you thoughtful about where they're going, even not just in the role, but where they want to go professionally? Have you even asked? So when you think about giving feedback to people, it's not just in reaction to a situation, it's also especially for the people that work for you. How do you get them to continue to be thinking forward in the future, because sometimes they get caught in the moment and the busyness and the challenge of what they're doing in the day to day?
Speaker 1:The second is we as leaders sometimes think about people as individuals. Have you spent time thinking about the team dynamics and how that's working? What are those relationships? How can you help foster some great unity? Where is there a lack of trust? Can you help bridge that without being obvious, can you give them constructive ways to help them build the network they need to internally? So thinking about them singularly is great, but when you think about them as a collective, there are some other areas of feedback that you can give them. So thinking about team dynamics is the second.
Speaker 1:Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation and then just thinking about where they would like you to help them. What are the things that? And it's just asking what do you see about what I'm doing that you've observed that you want to get better at? What are the ways that I can provide you insight? What can I watch that you want some insight on?
Speaker 1:We often are the ones that decide where we need to be to observe what people need us to see or what we believe, but we don't give them the opportunity to say, hey, I would love you to come to my team or I'm going to record my team meeting and I'd love to get your feedback. You know what that does. If somebody on your team asks you that, that means they have a really deep trust for you. What a great thing. So embrace that opportunity and not look it down.
Speaker 1:So the three are thinking about their strategic direction, the team dynamics, thinking about how are they relating to the people, others, their influence internally, how can they better, how can you help them tighten those relationships or increase trust? And then what can you do? What is it about you that they need from you? Have them ask you how to help them get better? And then, when you think about those other areas, those other people start observing what's going on around you. How are people perceived? Instead of talking kind of behind the back of somebody else or thinking, oh there goes, dan again. He just goes on and on, and on and on, and maybe you see other people eye roll.
Speaker 1:Instead of just being a silent observer, maybe it's time for you to say something to them and give them that feedback, and I mean it is a political move. It can be a political move because you're stepping outside, maybe how they believe what relationship you have or authority. You have to give them feedback. But it also might really be a great experience for you, because it's not easy and also it can build that trust. If they really understand that it comes from a place that you wanna make them better, then that will, oh man, talk about having a trusted ally. If that they know you have your back. They're back because you've taken the time to come to them.
Speaker 1:So how can you do this? What are some of the keys to giving feedback when you know you should, but it's not very comfortable or it's something that you've observed that you think would be really helpful to the other person pick your moment, make sure that you think about the timing of it and be ready to have data around it and really sound examples that are not emotional to you. When you're ready to ask if the person's open and if they are, ask them if now is a good time. And then make sure you frame it as a perspective and not a critique and make sure they understand that and don't do it from the perspective, your perspective, and say, hey, I observed this and this is what I took from it. Is that accurate? Is that what you were trying to do? And when you do it like that, you're not saying you did this and this is the result and it fosters openness and more receptive on their side, and then just be ready that what you assumed might not be right, so allow them to come back and go oh, that's not exactly why. And then just be really open to okay, that's great. Or and say in the future when I see things, do you want feedback like this? Is this helpful to you? I would really love us to have this both ways. Be ready for it coming back at you because this is opening up a whole new relationship. But this could be really key.
Speaker 1:So, thinking about feedback outside of how we normally frame it for ourselves, for the people that work for us, thinking about them strategically, having them how can you help them? Team dynamics, thinking about not just one person, but the holistic when they need to do to expand their network. And then opening up yourself for the feedback they need to give. And then, when you look outside, the left and above meaning the side, your peers, or above to your boss, ask them if they're open for feedback, make sure it's the right time, make sure that you choose the moments, frame it as a perspective, not a critique, and be open to their adjusted view of it and keep it as an open dialogue.
Speaker 1:Feedback is a very murky, murky world. It's not black and white. Just because it's on a piece of paper doesn't mean it's easy, and it is definitely a work in progress how to give it, because we're all different humans, every situation's different and we're always shifting every day. Everybody is every situation. So when you think about it like that giving feedback in a way that is helping the other person develop and being a good steward of that information while being a good partner for them I hope this was helpful.
Speaker 1:I am so grateful for the insights I get from people around me that give me great content to talk about here, because I know that if People are talking to me about it, it's something that a lot of people need to consider. I'd love to hear what you think about this. How do you look at feedback? How do you frame it for yourself, how do you do it for your team, your peers and your boss? I'd love your tips. I'll talk about them as well. Thanks for being here. I'm Susie and I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders with Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach any time you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day to day, you'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
