How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Don’t just show up, be seen
Have you ever wondered why just showing up isn't always enough? In this episode, let's embark on a journey together to unravel the transformative power of embracing a negotiator mindset. Reflecting on personal experiences, I share practical insights on how adopting a negotiator mindset can enhance preparedness, boost confidence, and increase effectiveness.
From strategic meeting presence to the value of physically engaging with colleagues in the office, I delve into actionable tips for actively shaping one's presence. Emphasizing the enduring power of building connections beyond the confines of daily work, encouraging regular outreach to one's network, and contributing valuable content. Let's shift from merely showing up to the empowering realization of actively being seen!
In this episode, you'll learn the following:
1. The importance of adopting a negotiator mindset in both personal and professional situations.
2. The significance of being seen and making an impact in professional settings.
3. The importance of building visibility beyond routine work interactions.
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage Podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomonczuk. It's time to be your own advocate and negotiate for what you really want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens each and every day so that you opt in and say yes with confidence. Together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills you, as a leader, needs to become that advocate in growing your professional skills, to increase confidence, gain respect and become the future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do this. Let's lead with leverage. Hi and welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I'm Suzy, I'm just happy that you chose to be here. So thank you, thank you, I really appreciate you. So the theme for right now and moving forward, this aha I had was that not everything's necessary negotiation, but when you adopt a negotiator mindset, you are better prepared. You've thought through what might get in your way, you have a clear goal and when you adopt a negotiator mindset, your confidence is higher in every situation because you've taken time to consider the interests of the other party, all of the things that might happen that are unexpected. And when things happen that are unexpected, surprise is one of those emotions that blocks our ability to think so. Negotiators know this. Negotiators know the biggest rule of negotiation is prepare, just like location, location, location, prepare, prepare, prepare. And so adopting a negotiator mindset is getting yourself ready for not just high stick situations, but any situation. So that's all the adopting a negotiator mindset is all about is about the things, the habits that you can adopt so that you're better prepared for every situation that you face personally and professionally.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about what to talk about today and I reflected on a couple of things that I've done in the last couple of months. One was doing an influence workshop with a big team directors and above, a whole day-long engagement, and when I do those kind of things, I meet with the person that is kind of sponsoring me, the executive that's responsible for the group and in this case that was a VP and the senior vice president that was going to be present for this session as well, and one of the things that the senior vice president said to me was can you? He goes? I don't think I can say this as directly as you could make this point, but can you help my entire team? So listen, he's talking about his direct reports, their direct reports and their direct reports and he said can you help them understand that it's not just about just showing up, it's about being seen? And I knew exactly what he meant. He meant for him to have influence in the organization and his direct reports and all the people that are above you.
Speaker 1:It's important to be seen and not just show up, meaning put your voice out there. He was saying I need my people to show their work, to show their value, not just in their meetings with their departments, but when they're especially cross-departmental, when there's different levels in the room. Because when you're seeing, you're showing people how to do it. When you're doing it well and you're making a, you're noting something about you, you're noticed, you're. When you show up, people don't remember you, but when you say something or you add value or you even ask a great question, you're seen in a way that you remembered. And that's what he meant. He said my people need to be seen and what he meant was my people need to show up and help people see the great value they have to bring.
Speaker 1:What a great invitation, but I thought it was so interesting that he doesn't feel like he could be the voice behind that, and I think the reason for him was they're going to think from a political perspective that I'm just saying this like they won't listen to me. They need to understand it from another angle so they understand that this is really important, and I thought about that a lot, obviously because it's been a few months since I did that engagement and it still just rings really true about being seen, and so there's some things that I want to have you think about in being seen, and I always want to illustrate with a story where I had to do it or where I didn't do it really well, and so many examples come to mind, and I remember one where there was and this was feedback. I've shared this before. I got feedback when I left my job I had been there for 10 years and my boss's boss said to me the only thing that really disappointed me about you is that I knew you had great ideas, but so often you remained quiet in the meetings with everybody else, and my first response to him was that's because you have a lot of loud mouths that don't ever listen to people around them, which is how I felt about it. I got a little defensive, but what he was saying to me is the same thing that that guy was saying about his team. I showed up but I wasn't seen. Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage.
Speaker 1:Now let's continue the conversation. It's easier for me to articulate my opinions. I guess maybe it feels like safer space when I'm one on one and when there's more people in the room I feel like I can get confusing. I can't get to my point. So I do tend to be quieter. When there's a lot of people in the room, especially if I don't have a relationship with them, I'm a little intimidated and I feel like my opinion isn't worthy in that room. Until I feel comfort in that room. And I've had to get uncomfortable so that I could be seen. And because he gave me that feedback, maybe it didn't help me in that company that he led, but after that it gave me I knew I needed to be seen and not just show up.
Speaker 1:So the ways that I think about it now and I want you to consider is that example that I told you in a meeting what is going to be your contribution when you go? So, instead of just showing up to a meeting especially if it is going to be attended by people who are higher level than you, across departments, even just to practice, what is going to be? If it's hard for you to think on your feet, what questions can you ask? Even asking great questions makes people believe that you're a thought leader or what brainstorm before you walk in on things that you can add to the dialogue. So don't just walk in. Think about how you're going to be seen by the questions you're going to ask or the ideas you're going to share, and don't be afraid, just throw them out there. Try to be one of the first ones. So that's the first one is how are you showing up to meetings? How are you preparing yourself so that you can be seen in there if it's not comfortable for you? The second piece of advice I give you is I'd like to share it's up to you whether you take it or not Is when you are in the presence of, when you go into the office. Be seen.
Speaker 1:Don't just sit at your desk, especially if you're only going in a few days a week. Walk around, meet people, ask questions, be seen, ask people. What are you working on? What was your biggest challenge last year? What are you working on this coming up here? What are some of the things that you need support on?
Speaker 1:When you just ask questions and you get people to think, and when you ask them something that is just not a how was your break, how was your weekend those are things that don't get people to think, because people ask them all the time. Be a person that asks questions that make people think. So it could be. What was the biggest challenge you faced in the last week? Ask them about high-stakes situations. Do you have a high-stakes situation that you're going to face this week? So think about the questions and make yourself walk around, even if it's to go fill up your tea, grab some water.
Speaker 1:But try to stop in, especially if it's not comfortable for you to stop and linger just for a few minutes and just say, hey, I just wanted to stop in and say I just want to check in with you. How are you? I never get to talk to you anymore because of X, so how are you seen when you walk around? How do you show up at meetings? How do you look around and connect with people? And then how are you? The third one is how do you think about those connections that you can make beyond the work that you do? How can you be seen by reaching out to your network on a weekly basis, even if you would reach out to one person that you used to work with that you kind of know, that you admire? Next time you read a great article on HBR or Inc, take it in and think who are five people I can send this to? That makes you be seen because you're contributing to them, you're giving them something and all you have to do is say, hey, I read this article and for some reason you came to mind, so you're investing in that ability to be seen. All right.
Speaker 1:So the three things to consider so that you don't just show up so that you're seen are one how are you showing up to meetings If you need to before? What questions can you ask? Open it into questions. Seven questions or less, or seven words or less. There's a good. How can you ask questions to drive thoughts for other people, get them to think deeper or what are some ideas. Prep yourself before you go into a meeting so you're already thinking about what is going to be, what are the topics that are going to be coming to mind or what are going to be discussed, so that in those moments you're not just sitting there, be seen. Remember all of those people are waiting for you to speak up and when you don't, you're invisible.
Speaker 1:Two is when you're physically in a location. Don't just sit and be on your computer, don't just do what's comfortable. Don't just go talk to the people that you're working with and that you talk to normally. What's one other person? Go down a different hallway, go walk a hall that's not even yours and say hello or connect with one person. And then the third one is once a week when you come across a great article or you need to connect with somebody. Reach out to one to five people. Send that to one to five people. That makes them feel really good about you and it makes you top of mind for them, so that you're not just showing up, you're being seen. You're being seen as somebody that is seen because you're taking articles and you're having action with them.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how powerful that is. And even if you don't hear back from them, do not care. Don't care about what impression you're leaving, just have. Your goal is to be seen, all right. So think about meetings. How can you show up when you're physically around? And then who can you reach out to that are not in your immediate bubble, in your immediate network, that you need to, on a regular basis and every week, reach out to one to five, one to three? Just one, just one, that's all. Once a week. Make that something of a goal for you. Do not just show up, be seen, be seen. I love that. I love that he made that comment, because it made me really realize how important that is.
Speaker 1:So I hope you know that leaders are looking for those that are willing not just to show up but to be seen. That's about adopting a negotiator mindset, because negotiators aren't afraid to be seen, and so you don't want to be somebody that's not seen. So practice that. Thanks for joining me. I'm Suzy, and I hope you'll join me again when we continue the dialogue about how you can adopt a negotiator mindset.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Leaders with Leverage. If you're ready to continue your professional growth, commit to accelerating your career development and say goodbye to that anxious feeling in your stomach anytime you need to advocate for yourself, then get my book the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation. In this book you'll learn the essential steps to take before entering into any negotiation or conversation, any interaction. In your day to day, you'll discover what the other party really needs and be clear about what you're going after. You'll bust through your fears and boost your confidence and embrace that negotiation truly happens all around us. Head to the link in the show notes for more, and you can even get a bonus if you buy it today.
