3 mindset tips to adopt today

Unlock the secrets to a powerful negotiator's mindset with me, as I share my treasured insights from climbing the executive ladder and reveal the transformative impact negotiation can have on your life. By weaving in personal experiences, we'll uncover the essence of strategic thinking and preparedness. This episode isn't just about anecdotes; it's a practical guide to advocating for yourself with poise in critical moments and redefining negotiation as an everyday skill that continuously shapes your decisions and interactions.

Step into the world of elite negotiation tactics and learn the subtle art of using silence to your advantage, both at the bargaining table and in cultivating deeper connections through active listening. Whether you're facing a high-stakes business deal or a personal conflict, adopting the 'stop, start, and continue' methodology will refine your approach and set you on a path of relentless growth. This is an open invitation to embrace negotiation as a game-changing tool, and I'm thrilled to guide you on this journey to empowerment and opportunity.

In this episode, you'll learn the following:
1. The importance of using the word "negotiation" to become more comfortable with it and shift the mindset.
2. The power of silence in negotiation, both as a tool for listening and as a display of confidence.
3. How to identify situations that are high stakes, and prepare and think like a negotiator before entering those situations.

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📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation

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www.susietomenchok.com/services

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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok

Chapters

• 0:02 Adopting a Negotiator Mindset
• 14:23 Mastering Negotiation Skills
• 23:53 Resources for Professional Growth and Success

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Leaders With Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomachuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. Welcome. This is Adopting a Negotiator Mindset. I'm your host, suzy Tomachuk, and I'm so happy that you're here. I believe that adopting a negotiator mindset creates opportunities and success for everyone.

Speaker 1: 1:22

Let me tell you I came through executive ranks. I worked for a Fortune 50 company, did some big deals. I understood what negotiation was about. I had to, because there were a lot of great negotiators that were sitting across the table from me. But it wasn't until I saw these strategies being used, sometimes against me, opting myself out in different situations with my peers, with my counterparts, with my colleagues, with my kids, and what I realized was that these strategies that negotiators use can be applied in everything we do, and just opening up this mindset can allow you to say yes, raise your hand and even be able to be thoughtful about how can you get objective, so that you know and you can push through to get where you're going. So let's talk a little bit today about why it's so essential. But I have to tell you I'm an executive coach and I work with people all the time and I see that the only way to really get better is to invest, not just by listening, but by doing so. When I this time, if you choose to tune into this or listen to this or watch this on a regular basis, I want you to understand the concepts. I'm going to share some stories and have people here that are going to share their experiences as well, to give you that context, but I'm also going to challenge you to apply this for you, because that is really the key. When you do that and you practice and listen. If you practice these things and I'll give you some ways to just practice with the people you love when you do that every day and you start seeing it and noticing it, you're just going to build this muscle and the skill that's going to make you better and when you face high stake situations, you will be better off because you'll have this mindset.

Speaker 1: 3:25

So let's think about this. Let's think about that word negotiation. What happens when you hear that? Does it make you a little bit nervous? Do you think about it as these times in my life that I need to learn to negotiate? Do you all ask somebody then? Or maybe you think it's just a skill that CEOs or sales people need, but real people don't negotiate. It's really funny because I think that we have a bad relationship with negotiation because of somebody might have we might have felt manipulated by somebody, or somebody took advantage, or this is a game play. We've all bought a car. We can all see that person that was trying to get the better deal from us and was being nice, but we're doing things that didn't really feel great. But advocating for ourselves and being intentional about using some of these strategies can be a really good thing. Think about it. Using silence helps you listen to other people framing your ass, knowing where you're going. It just makes us better humans. So we need to change our relationship with that word negotiator. And actually I'm going to give you something to think about today that will make you look at it differently and I want to challenge you around that. So let's have clear mind. Let's think about what can you do today to invest in yourself? I'll give you some key things and we're going to start by just exploring that idea of what is negotiation and what are some things that you can do to start adopting that mindset.

Speaker 1: 5:05

I'm going to start by talking about a client of mine, a friend of mine. Her name is Megan. She's a successful entrepreneur and CEO and I started talking to her about this whole concept and she was really interested and intrigued by it and we've worked together. She would give me some scenarios where she was negotiating with a vendor, negotiating with some clients and just having these conversations. So we talked about these strategies around what she did and now, looking back, she shared with me the other day that kind of before Megan what her mindset was like and the after Megan, and so what she said when she looks back on how she approached different things. She said one thing about negotiators is preparing his key, and we'll talk about what are the best practices around that. But what Megan said was because her before person, her prep, would be where is this meeting, or how long is it going to take me to get there, and maybe the topic of it. But that was the extent of getting prepared for a conversation.

Speaker 1: 6:12

So the past Megan, what would happen is if something was unexpected and asked maybe it was somebody on her team that asked for more money she was really caught with her heel on her heels, not knowing what to say because she never anticipated the question Over times where somebody would ask her what the cost of that was, and because she hadn't thought it through. She kind of could not get her words together and couldn't confidently say what she needed to do. So she just felt like that just having a good gut feel of how to answer was good enough and she didn't really notice that it was impeding her ability to get the best outcomes that she could get to without becoming that person, that negotiator that we have this kind of image of in our minds, and so what she shared with me now is now that she is really thoughtful about her approach. She takes just a few minutes and Harvard says even if you can take it 30 seconds before you walk into a negotiation aka any conversation, any day to day interaction and think about the interests of the other party, just putting yourself in their chair, in their mindset, helps you pick the words and have the confidence to know what's important to them so you can meet them, because negotiation is a bridge, it's not a battle.

Speaker 1: 7:41

So Megan says just taking the time to think about what's important to the other party, think about what those numbers are that she wants to talk to, what are the questions that they might ask me, what is my goal? She said just having a few minutes before I go into what she says is a high stakes situation, and let me stop right there real quick. High stakes, we think, is something that is associated to all these things like negotiating a new job or buying a car, different things that are big, buying a house, getting divorced big things, big life things, and we believe they're stamped right. They're stamped for everybody has the same high stakes list, but really a high stakes situation is something that's really important to you, or it's high stakes to you because it makes you nervous, or you don't like the person on the other side, you don't trust them. So high stakes to each one of us is very individual, so think about that.

Speaker 1: 8:43

If you are facing a situation that's coming up that feels high stakes to you, label it that, take a few minutes and think like a negotiator. That's what this is about, because the power of this mindset and Megan said it has changed the way she's viewed everything. It's made her more confident. It's made her feel like she knew where she was going and she didn't feel like she's taking advantage. It feels like she's thinking about what's best for all the parties. So you think about what's great about negotiators is they know that the key to them is they need to have a plan that use car salesman or that car salesman. They have a plan that he has to take the number to his boss and come back. They have this methodology that they use because they've planned it. They're savvy around that. So take the things that negotiators really do to plan the conversations. Be thoughtful about what it's high stakes for you. Think about what your goal is. What is important to the other party. It's about shifting that and making the time to see that and even observing it when it's happening around you. So I want you to think about those. That what Megan's experience was.

Speaker 1: 10:04

And, like I said, I learned a lot of this by walking through the hallways of my corporate job, because I didn't think of that as a negotiation. And I remember my peer, dan. He was just, he had adopted a negotiator mindset. I'll say that he and I had a peer relationship. We respected one another as peers. I can't say I really trusted him implicitly, implicitly, but he was my peer and I remember one day he came up to me and said hey, suzy, I'd like you to be on this team. I'm going to lead this big project that goes across the company and I just value your opinion and your input. So will you be a part of this task force, this group that I'm putting together? And I thought thanks, dan, that's so nice of you to involve me. And I didn't think anything of it until a few days later my boss asked me why didn't I ask to lead the project? See, I thought that Dan had solidified himself as a leader because he had positioned it to me that way and I opted myself out of that opportunity. And so, once I started understanding this art of negotiation and this power of adopting a negotiator mindset, I would just say hey, dan, if I had to do that all over and I would have had this mindset, I would have said I will definitely be in it, I'm interested to see about leading that project. So I would have gone and talked to my boss right after that and made sure for myself because of my relationship with Dan. So, just being able to see situations just differently, being able to see it from a lot of different views, that's the power of a negotiator mindset.

Speaker 1: 11:59

So when we come back, I'm going to talk about three keys that you can use. So what I want you to do is get a piece of paper If you're walking or driving, don't get a piece of paper, just listen and come back to this maybe, or be thoughtful about it. And I want to give you some three ways, quick ways, to start to adopt a negotiator mindset that you can start using today, today. So I want you to have that, and then I want you again this is about what are you going to do with this information that's going to shift you to be, the better you. Tomorrow, when we come back, I'll give you the three tips. Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage.

Speaker 1: 12:59

Now let's continue the conversation. All right, let's jump right in it. The three easy ways that you can adopt a negotiator mindset today, today. I want you to start today. Depending on where you are on the day, maybe it'll be easier or not, but these are the three things I want you to do. Okay, the next thing I want you to do is I want you to use the word negotiation five times, and you can just do this with people you work with on a regular basis or in your home your kids, your partner, your friends, your mom, your dad, whoever and just say let's negotiate this.

Speaker 1: 13:46

Think about it. When you ask somebody let's negotiate what restaurant we want to go to, when you think about that or you're the recipient of that, you're actually asking what's important to you. I want to know what you're going to say and I'm not. I'm just not going to negotiate against you. I want let's negotiate this. You're opening up this conversation, so use negotiation or call yourself a negotiator. Maybe people will think you're a little crazy, but just see what happens, observe what people think. And the reason I think this is so powerful is one we need to get over that relationship that we have with the negotiation.

Speaker 1: 14:23

And two I've talked to hundreds of people because I've been really curious about how do people who negotiate for a living, day in, day out, how they view negotiation, and I found that some people are like yep, I negotiate all the time and I'm very, you know would use negotiation in sentences. And some people that negotiated for a living would be like, yeah, I only negotiate there, and they'd not use the word very liberally and in fact they would say to me hey, next time you have a training or some kind of coaching event, will you let me know? Because I want to go, because negotiation is not a. You go to a lesson and you've learned. It's experiencing and it's learning what works for you and how do you negotiate. So they just by calling yourself a negotiator, you're ahead of some people that don't even see themselves that way. So if we can adopt that idea that we are already a negotiator, then you're thinking like one in a good way, and we're going to don't worry, you're not going to become somebody that's not you, but just see what that looks like and see what that feels like to you and start liking this word, okay.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Number two is practice silence. We all know that that's a powerful thing. In fact, I talked to a friend of mine who is an attorney and does a lot of court cases and she said I use silence. It is my thing that I do, because I find that negotiators have a few things that they use that they are effective for them. And she said the only time silence doesn't work is when it's the strategy of the other party. And so she told the story about that and how funny that was to break that silence.

Speaker 1: 16:14

But the other thing to think about is silence. When you practice it, you're really listening to the other party. Yes, you will get them to give you more information and that could be important to your position. But silence is also a show of confidence. And do you know that the studies show that we listen not as well to the people that are closest to us, because we're used to their cadence, we're used to what they say, we're so conditioned to how they talk to us, that we don't really listen to them. We tune them out. So when you practice silence, you're interrupting that pattern for them and it makes them pay attention to. So I believe that practicing silence makes us better humans, because we listen and it makes people really think, because when you disrupt that cadence people have to kind of go into intention mode and they'll pay attention to what was asked of them.

Speaker 1: 17:16

So practice silence and it's not an easy ask and I know that some of you probably cringe because people know if they're comfortable with silence or not. But just try it and in your head, count to five and then the next time count to 10 and awkward silence is the key you're going for. And the way to really experience awkward silence is to watch somebody else that's good at practicing silence, and when you're not involved, because silence is hard. So just take it with little steps. So practice silence with someone you care about today, every day, once a day, and then Look ahead at your meetings or your conversations and start to think about is this a high-stakes situation for me, when it is be more aware of getting your head straight before you walk in?

Speaker 1: 18:09

I'll give you some keys down the road on what are some things to think about, to prepare, but just start getting used to saying this is high stakes for me and identifying why Maybe the outcome is really important to you. Maybe it was something that was difficult for you to ask for, or maybe it's somebody like Dan, like for me, that you have a strange relationship with and just having a conversation where you have to come to some agreement is high stakes for you. So look ahead at your calendar. So the three easy ways use negotiation five times a day. If you have to start, just a few times, call yourself a negotiator. Use it as an adjective to describe something you want to do with another person.

Speaker 1: 18:56

Practice silence, especially with somebody you care about. Start easy, just be cognizant. And after you make a statement or you ask a question, practice silence. Or after somebody asks you something, even practice silence before you talk. So those are two places where you can insert it and just watch what happens. Then the third thing is look ahead to your calendar and consider what interactions are coming up for you that are high stakes. Don't label it or don't judge yourself for it. Just identify it and tell yourself why. That's the truth for you All right.

Speaker 1: 19:31

So I've given you some stories to prove that adopting a negotiator mindset is powerful. I hope you believe it and I hope that you'll see it in thinking back to situations that you've been in and, as you move forward, just thinking from this lens of oh, this is a negotiation. Start to see that around you. I told you the story of Megan and I gave you the three things that you need to do around using negotiation, practicing silence and starting to identify things as high stakes for you. So now this is what I want you to do. I want you to think about, and you can do this really quickly. You've probably heard this before the stop, start and continue. So this will always be how we end our day, because it gives you the things that are applicable to you that you need to put into place.

Speaker 1: 20:25

So, first of all, what did you stop doing? Maybe it's something that you have this bad relationship with negotiation. You're going to stop saying you hate negotiation. Maybe it's something that I said that made you think of something that is important to you, that you're like, oh, I need to stop doing that. I always do that all the time. But what are you going to stop doing? Maybe it's keep talking and you don't practice silence stuff, so stop can go either way. What are you going to start doing? What are you going to do more? Do you really want to challenge yourself beyond starting these three tips? What are you going to do? That is a regular ritual of yours.

Speaker 1: 21:10

Maybe it's looking at your calendar, identifying what's high stakes for you and scheduling in two minutes before that to say, I got to get my head right for this. What are you going to start doing that's going to make you better at changing this mindset for you? And thinking about this around, curiosity once you start doing some of these things, seeing how it feels. What are you noticing, even being an observer of people using the term practicing silence and when they go into meetings, be curious about it. And then what are you going to continue doing? Take the time to go.

Speaker 1: 21:48

You know I'm already really good at using that word negotiation. I think I'm really good. There's something else I want to start doing, but I'm going to continue doing this. It's really important that we identify and give ourselves credit for what we're already good at. So what are you going to continue doing? And maybe double down on that or just really have yourself more confident because you say you think I'm really good at this. That's something that's good for me to continue doing, so stop. What are you going to stop doing? What are you going to start doing and what will you continue doing?

Speaker 1: 22:23

It's a great exercise to use on a regular basis to do, and we'll do it here, so it'll be interesting for you to share with me how the power of that has changed, how you show up every day. I'm so glad you've been here. If you want to follow me on LinkedIn, I'd love for you to do that. I interact there quite a lot and I also have a newsletter that comes out every week just to talk about this concept of adopting a negotiator mindset and the stories of the people I work with, the people around me and how I see it. All the time, I feel really strongly that, as leaders, as peers, as professionals, when you adopt a negotiator mindset, you put yourself in a better position to be forward thinking, to be ready not beyond defense but beyond offense for you, and see opportunities that may be right in front of you in plain sight. If you want to be a part of my newsletter, in the show notes and there's a QR code that you can shoot so that you can get that here. But until next time, and I want you to show up and I want you to be here so that you can adopt and negotiate your mindset. I'm Suzy Tomlinchuck and until next time. I appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 23:53

Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders With Loverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday minute. It's an easy read, where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.