How to Get What You Want
Your career isn’t built by waiting for someone to notice your value. It’s built by learning how to advocate for yourself with confidence.
You’ve been told your work will speak for itself. Yet despite doing everything asked of you—and more—you’re still feeling overlooked and uncertain about your next step. Leadership isn’t just about managing a team; it’s navigating the complexities of internal relationships and consistently advocating for your growth.
On Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok is your silent partner, empowering you with the mindset and tools to negotiate your career—and life—with intention.
Unlike podcasts that focus on climbing the ladder or hustle culture, this show is for women who want to own their careers authentically. You’ll learn practical strategies for everyday negotiations, from asking for what you deserve to confidently handling tough conversations. Because negotiation isn’t just for raises or promotions—it’s how you navigate every opportunity in your career and beyond.
Susie is a negotiation expert who understands the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry and the struggles women face when advocating for themselves. She’s helped countless professionals unlock their potential and will show you how to do the same.
If you’re ready to stop waiting for your career to happen to you and start creating the opportunities you want, hit follow and join Susie each week to build your confidence, advocate for yourself, and finally Get What You Want.
How to Get What You Want
Leverage in every situation
Unlock the power of strategic negotiation as I guide you through the art of leveraging for success in every walk of life. This episode is a treasure trove of insights into how leverage, when used wisely, can be your most potent ally in both professional and personal realms. We'll dissect the negotiator's mindset and share real-life stories that illustrate the transformative power of knowing your leverage points. From understanding what truly matters in a negotiation to the crucial role of preparation, you'll walk away with actionable strategies that will shift the balance in your favor.
Embrace the opportunity to amplify your professional growth with tactics that go beyond mere conversation. We'll explore the significance of identifying your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA) and how creating ethical urgency can be a game-changer. Let's navigate the intricate dance of negotiation together, arming you with the tools to lead with confidence and intention.
In this episode, you'll learn the following:
1. Understanding leverage in any negotiation or high-stakes situation.
2. Mapping out alternatives (BATNA) as a crucial step in negotiation strategy.
3. The role of creating urgency or scarcity in negotiations.
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🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation
Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services
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Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomachuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. Hi, I'm Suzy Tomachuk.
Speaker 1:Adopting a negotiator's mindset is essential to professional and personal success, and it's my mission to help leaders everywhere grow and thrive by doing just that. But what exactly is a negotiator's mindset and why is it important? First of all, negotiation isn't about learning to manipulate people. It's far from it. And, said I, teach leaders like you to adopt a negotiator's mindset, a strategic approach to navigating life, building influence and driving genuine impact at work and at home, sound good. We have a lot to cover today, so let's jump in. We're going to start with this idea of leverage, and it's my favorite hack to go through life with this lens of leverage. In fact, I think and I thought about changing the name of my book from the art of everyday negotiation without manipulation to moving through life with leverage, because at the end of the day, that's what it's all about is leverage. And I believe that if you consider the leverage in any situation that you go into, and when you think about all the aspects of leverage there's so many it allows you, when you start doing it in real time, to kind of see a situation differently, so that you're more intentional about going in, so you can anticipate some of the moves, because you've thought about some of the elements of leverage that are in your favor, that might not be in your favor, that might be beneficial to the other side and vice versa. So when you think about leverage in that way, it kind of unlocks this additional information dimension in every situation, because you're considering what's important to you, to the situation, to the other side of the table. You're thinking about it in all these different ways, and when you do that before, you're just better prepared and you can be intentional going in.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to share with you a couple of stories about how friends of mine have used leverage in their everyday situation. I'm going to give you a few steps to consider, three things to consider in terms of leverage, and those are just the starting point. There's so many aspects of leverage which I'll talk about too. And then, as I always do, I'm an executive coach. It's really important that when you show up here, you really think about how do you apply this to what you're doing in your everyday? So we're going to, at the end of this episode, talk about or consider for yourself what are you going to stop doing that is inhibiting your ability to incorporate leverage? What are you going to start to do? Maybe something that I've brought up that you might consider doing. And then, what are you doing already that you want to continue to do, that you're already leveraging in the areas of your life. And when you think about this, as I tell you a story that you might think, oh, it's not going to exactly apply to me. I guarantee you'll be able to pick out parts and pieces that you'll be able to consider for yourself. So come here with an open mind and think about how you can incorporate leverage. How are you going to see leverage differently after I talk and share some stories around what leverage looks like.
Speaker 1:When we go into especially a high-stakes situation, we tend to get, we're nervous or we have some emotional response to going in. So we tend to focus on what's important to us and we limit our ability to think because, first of all, we want to get in and get out and, second of all, we're so laser focused on what we want. So this might be a new job that we haven't had. We haven't had a job for a while. We keep getting nos, and so we want this job that we're going in for or we're negotiating for. It could be a project that you're talking about with your peer that you don't respect and you don't get along with, and so they really want that job too, and so you're trying to figure out I just want to get it, and you're not thinking about all the aspects that might be of interest to them what leverages that play for you and for them. So there's a lot of things to consider when you're going in and the first thing to do.
Speaker 1:The reason I love to think about leverage is because when you force yourself to do it, you open up your mind to think broader in any situation you're moving into, especially if it's high stakes. So, just to simplify it, when you think about high stakes is any situation with your partner, with your kids, with your peer, with your boss, with a stranger that has a job that you want, with a car dealer that has the car that you want and you want to get a price that you feel comfortable with. There's always leverage at play. And when it's high stakes, like I said, it kind of narrows your ability to be creative. So the considering leverage allows you to expand. I always like to go like this like expand. I'm pulling my arms apart like I'm pulling taffy, because when you expand that you make your mind to think beyond what's important to you. You're not going to let go what's important to you, but you consider what are the other factors in mind and when you start to do this on a regular basis, you start to think in lenses of leverage. And it's so important. It allows you to be more agile, with a small a in the moment, so that you can kind of think better on your feet.
Speaker 1:So the first thing to think about in leverage is it's what's going on with you, what is? Why? Does this feel like high stakes to me? Maybe I don't, maybe I'm nervous about having the conversation, maybe I'm apprehensive because I'm asking for something that is benefiting me and I feel selfish. So what emotions are in play? What you want to do is emotions can be a piece of leverage that works against you if you don't put them in control. So you want to be thinking about. When you allow yourself to think about leverage, you give your emotions some other place to focus as well.
Speaker 1:So what's going on with you? What's important to you? What is? What are the aspects of the deal that you're going into that maybe aren't that important to you but might be important to the other side. Like, if you're not working right now and you're an entrepreneur and you put out a bid and your time is totally open, maybe timing for the other side and starting right away is a huge factor for them, but to you it's nothing. That's still leverage. So when you consider all of these things so you first start with yourself. Then you think about what in the deal, what are the things that are important to the deal or the circumstance. So, price, it could be the bonus that's associated to it, it could be timing, it could be being in person or not, paying for TNE or not For a job. It's salary, benefits, bonus, vacation, who you're working for. Do they have a 401k? What's a match? The other thing too when you think about all the pieces of leverage, it gives you more questions to ask in the moment, to understand what's important to the other side. It just allows, it gives you more creative because you've been thoughtful about all the aspects. And then think about what's important to the other side. What are the leverage pieces that are of benefit to them? What's important to them? Where are they going to? Kind of move into this conversation and don't assume that what's important to you is important to the other side. So, thinking about leverage in all aspects and how it can change as you go in.
Speaker 1:So my friend, sarah, recently told me about a situation, a typical negotiation. She was going into buy a new car. It was some fancy, I don't even know what kind of car it was, but it was something that she ordered months in advance where she was able to choose exactly what she wanted and she went into the dealer to close the deal and to sign all the paperwork. But it had been kind of an ongoing back and forth to get the car ordered and get it on the lot. So now she's feeling a little bit like well, you know, the deal's not done, but all this time they've been going back and forth and she wanted to make sure she got the right deal and not feel so influenced by the fact that she put so much time and energy into this and kind of made a promise to the other side. So she wanted to make sure that wouldn't get in her head.
Speaker 1:So she was going through all the paperwork and she said that they started talking about some of the extended warranty pieces and she said the car was so technical that she wasn't sure what questions to ask and she didn't want to look stupid and nobody was with her that had any expertise and so she had done such a good job to think about all the deal points. But she hadn't considered this aspect and so, so that she didn't look dumb, she didn't want to ask a dumb question. She was just silent and it was because she didn't know what to say. And suddenly the person on the other side was like, okay, well, then I'll just give you this and this and this. And she was like, oh my gosh. In her head she's like, oh, they're thinking that I'm being reluctant, I'm not being nice, I'm kind of I'm sending this signal. And just by being silent she started realizing they kept conceding to. The guy, started conceding to some of the things that he was trying to just tell her because he wanted to fill the silence.
Speaker 1:So for her, silence was leverage. And she didn't even know it wasn't a plan. But in the moment she saw it, because she had done so much of the planning, she was like, oh my gosh, this is working for me. And she was so proud of herself. But also she's like I'm kind of embarrassed of the fact that that I just tripped into this. It wasn't by design, it wasn't a strategy, it was just something that ended up happening. So silence can be leveraged.
Speaker 1:So when I, when we come back, I'm going to talk about the three things that you can consider as leverage in your next high stake situation that you're facing and then you can start trying that and seeing what feels good for you and then start seeing parts of leverage in your everyday situations that you face. So when we come back, I will talk about three ways to integrate leverage, starting today. Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. Your reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage. Now let's continue the conversation. All right, welcome back.
Speaker 1:So I hope you had a chance to at least start to think about what leverage might be in play in any situation that you're about to move into, and maybe you can think about what's high stakes for you that's coming up in the next week and consider some of these ways of considering leverage as it relates to that situation. Because when you do it, when you even take a few minutes to do that, it will alleviate some of that high stress, because maybe the high stakes feeling is just coming from you, because it's maybe a conversation that you should have had and the timing. You know you're a boss and you should have talked to somebody about not filling expectations and you haven't found the right time to talk to them. That can cause anxiety and lead to a high stakes for you situation that you have to think about. So considering why it's high stakes for you and whether that's legitimate. Sometimes when I forget to follow up with somebody that I had said I would follow up with or I was going to give them something and, out of guilt, just because I like to remember the things that I promise, I will feel so sorry that I will over extend my emotion and it will feel a little bit off to them. So make sure that when you look at some of this high stakes, you take some time to consider why it feels high stakes to you and make sure that you alleviate that or move into the situation with as much objectivity or neutralization as you can and just say, hey, I just want to apologize for this and then just move into it. So consider why it's high stakes for you.
Speaker 1:So the first aspect of leverage that's important is what's your alternatives? What are your alternative? And we often think this is really clear, maybe when you're going into buy a car, that your alternative is not buying it or getting a different car or staying with a car you have. If it's a job, it's to say no, or you have another job or opportunity or you currently have a job. That's an alternate path. It's called bat nuts, your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, and it's just having something that is kind of in your side pocket. It's not a bluff, it's not trying to find something that you don't want. It's not necessarily that you will go to that alternative, but it should be good enough that if you have to say no, that you can go to. So those alternatives for talking to your boss about more money could be not taking it, obviously looking for another job.
Speaker 1:When I talk to people about asking for more money or promotion, one of the things to do, whether you're going to or not, you may love your job and your boss just find out. Start talking to people outside or in another department. That just gives you some confidence in asking for it, maybe something that you could think about as an alternative with your bosses. Maybe there's another project they can put you on. What are some of the things that, in the situation, are alternatives for you to take? So it might take a lot of creativity, but just doing that exercise is the first thing that I want you to do.
Speaker 1:When you consider leverage in a situation, what are your alternatives to not getting to the end of the conversation, the outcome that you want. What are some other outcomes that you could consider that will create confidence and power for you? The second is to consider what is important to the other party. What are the things that might not be as important to you that's important to them. I mentioned time before. Maybe if you have all the time in the world, they don't need to know that, but they may need you to start right away or not start right away. What's important to them? Maybe your boss needs politically, isn't as savvy as you are or doesn't have the relationships that you do, and there might be ways that you can help that person increase their influence internally. What are things that are important to them that might not be obvious to you? And again, just brainstorming this even if they're out there, it's not that you're gonna always just bring up everything to them it just allows your brain to consider all the aspects that are in play and so consider all the things that might be important to them in the outcome. And if it is with your peer and you both want to lead the same project, maybe something that's important to them is a different project that's coming up or being able to make a connection with somebody within the organization. You never know. But when you explore that, it gives you some opportunity to question about that and just be aware of other things that might be important to them and get yourself out of your head.
Speaker 1:And then the last one and you may see this a lot in retail. It's creating urgency or scarcity, or even asking you know, when you're checking out, you may notice, like especially in the airport, when you're getting a drink, say, you're just getting a bottle of water before you get on the plane. Have you ever noticed that the person may ask you in that moment hey, would you like to get some gum or something with that? That is creating urgency for something or making your awareness go to that. Now, creating urgency and scarcity doesn't have to be manipulative, like if you don't do this right now, then the deal is off. It doesn't have to be like that. But you can say, hey, listen, this is really important to me to get done. What can I do to encourage you to make a decision today? You know, what I could do is I could start sooner if we could sign on the dotted line now.
Speaker 1:What are the things that could get them to move to action and it might be directly related to what's important to them that you've uncovered in number two. So number one is map out your BATNA. What are your best alternatives to a negotiation agreement? What are all the alternatives? Number two is recognizing the leverage of the other person. So what's important to them? What is something that they want out of it or something they don't want out of it? What are all those aspects of leverage that could play for you or play against you? And the third is how can you create scarcity or urgency in the matter to get them to make a decision? And it could be based on what's important to them or the alternatives you have. So, if you just think about these three aspects, what are your alternatives? What are all the leverage pieces for the other party? And then what are the urgency or scarcity things that are in play? Just starting there will give you some insights to help you maneuver through, to get what you want and to consider the lens of leverage.
Speaker 1:Now is the application piece. And you know, if you don't try, if you only just listen to something and you just you know, I have a lot of people I'm an executive coach and they say, what podcast should I listen to, what book should I read? And there's great resources out there. But if you don't try and put experience into play, then you won't get better. You won't see what works for you. So this part is what are you gonna do today to stop, start and continue? And I'm gonna think this through too and give you what is going on in my mind, because negotiating, adopting a negotiator mindset, is something that is an evolution. It's not a destination, and I'm always working on it as well, so I take this to heart when I'm thinking about this for you. So, to stop, what are you gonna stop doing? Now? I think I.
Speaker 1:Often when I'm emotional about something so that means it's high stakes for me I just wanna move in and move out, so I am gonna stop just moving in. I am gonna make myself add in the aspect of just even identifying one piece of leverage that I have at my that I can use in play. So I'm gonna stop just moving in to get out. What are you gonna stop doing? The second is what are you gonna start doing? And for me, I need to really start thinking about the leverage on the other side, I get really good at just automatically getting my head in the right space, really thinking about what I want, how I'm in a frame and how I'm gonna walk in. But I need to take more time. So I'm gonna say I'm gonna start adding in at least 10 minutes before a meeting that I'm a little bit nervous about and all I'm gonna do is think about what's important and what's not important to the other side. So I'm gonna identify all the leverage in number two that I mentioned that is at play for the other person. That's what I'm gonna start doing. 10 minutes is what I'm gonna do. And then what am I gonna continue doing?
Speaker 1:I really love to think about the lens of leverage in every situation and even being able to identify it, like when I'm in a retail space and somebody will say to me hey, listen, if you do this action like download the app, then you'll be able to get these additional incentives and you can do da, da, da. Well, it's super interesting to me because that is how they get me to be more integrated into their company and they get me to follow the process that they want me to so that they can reach out to me again. So people are always using leverage and that's. It's not manipulative, it's just what's going on. It might not even be intentional, but I like to be able to visualize it. So I'm gonna continue to really think about ooh, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:That was leverage that they used, like Sarah's example, how she accidentally started using silence because she didn't wanna say something stupid and it worked in her benefit, so she was able to, in that moment, go, that's interesting, this is leverage for me. So I'm gonna continue to identify leverage in every situation and be thoughtful about where I see it around me, because what I've realized is that the more I think about it in that way, the more I see it in every day. And I have three daughters. They're all in their 20s and my youngest will often call me when she's about to have a conversation with her boss, because it makes her nervous sometimes when they're having their regular reviews or whatever, and she'll go mom, I need to think through the leverage I have in play, so I can be thoughtful about how I say it, because she's very introverted, so she'll write down everything that she has, so she thinks about it that way. So I'm excited about this. I hope I gave you some things to think about. Leverage is around us all the time and it's important that you see it and not to manipulate the situation, but just be aware of it, because if you play into it, you may be giving the other side something they really want. That's great, and you may not even realize that was important to them. So use leverage for the good, for the goodness of for yourself and for the other party. Be thoughtful about moving through with a lens of leverage today. Thank you so much for joining me For a deeper dive into this material.
Speaker 1:Feel free to find my book. It's called the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, and you can join my weekly newsletter where I share negotiation in every day Just a really short snippet called the Monday Minute. You can see both of these resources and ways to work with me by going to negotiationlovecom. And it's negotiation love, because I love negotiation and I want you to also so. Negotiationlovecom. I'm Suzy Tomacheck. Thanks for watching or listening. This has been adopting a negotiator mindset and remember negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders With Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want. I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday Minute. It's an easy read where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset, so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.
