How to Get What You Want

How anchoring creates momentum

Susie Tomenchok Episode 78

Prepare to anchor your way to success, as we unravel the masterful technique that can make or break your negotiations and accelerate your career growth. Anchoring isn't just about throwing out the first number—it's about setting the tone for all that follows, steering the conversation, and influencing outcomes in your favor. We explore the strategic importance of anchoring in negotiations, revealing how a well-placed figure can dramatically adjust perceptions and expectations.

Ever wondered how to subtly influence your boss or reshape a superior’s perspective to recognize your full potential? It’s all in the art of conversation and the seeds you plant during those pivotal moments. We discuss how research, preparedness, and the strategic use of silence can portray confidence and shape your career trajectory. Whether you're discussing a raise or eyeing a promotion, this episode is your guide to speaking volumes without saying a word and ensuring your aspirations are not just heard but acted upon.

In this episode, I talk about the following:
1. The significance of anchoring in negotiation and how it influences the outcome of discussions. 
2. The importance of practicing silence after anchoring a concept or number in negotiations.
3. The importance of framing the number or idea before presenting it in negotiations.

_____________________

🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.

📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/the-art-of-everyday-negotiation

Work With Me: Speaking, corporate training, and executive coaching:
www.susietomenchok.com/services

_____________________

Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok


Speaker 1:

Anchoring is critical to any negotiation. The bonus is it can help you in your own professional development. I'm going to talk about this more when we return. Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast. I'm your host and negotiation expert, suzy Tomachuk. It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career, not simply the next role or additional compensation. I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight, so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence. This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset, and I'll show you how, together with other business leaders, you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know. You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills, and while you're practicing along the way, you'll increase your confidence and gain respect, all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be, and when you face a high-stakes situation, you're ready, no matter how high those stakes are. So let's do it. Let's lead with leverage. Anchoring is such a critical part of any negotiation and it's important to think about how we want to anchor. But anchoring is that idea of the first person that throws out the number and that keeps the parties right around that number. It's kind of like if you think about throwing a tennis ball out into a body of water that's moving the tennis ball is going to stay on top, it's going to stay around that, no matter how the waves come and go. It's going to just kind of stay on top Versus, like a rock that you throw out into the water, that's going to go down to the bottom. So anchoring is like that. It's like that ball as the negotiation goes up and down it might adjust, but it's not going to drastically change. So being aware of that is super important. And there's two schools of thought. Some people say you should be the first person to anchor and the other side says that you should wait for the other side to anchor. And I'll tell you the difference. If you anchor, you must be really clear about where you're going and even have a hunch that the other person might be a lot lower than you Because you want to anchor it higher than where they think you want to end, where they want to end. And so the other side is and a lot of people think this way is it's better to let the other person anchor first, because you might be underselling yourself. You might not know what their budget is, you might not understand where their number is, and so your number might be 10,000. But if they go first, they might say 15,000. And that, just by default, is going to bring you to that point, closer to that number. So thinking about who's going to anchor is a critical piece of any negotiation. And, like I said, if you are the one that's anchoring, make sure you're really clear about that number and where you want to end.

Speaker 1:

And one critical thing, too, is if you know what the number is, even if you choose not to anchor, when they anchor, if they're way off from the number that you want it to be, it's really important that you quickly adjust so that they will know that you need to re-anchor. And one good way of doing that is practicing surprise or being like oh wow, that is way off from what I thought I was expecting it to be. About this level, that allows the re-anchoring to happen. But it doesn't always end up that way. But that's why it's so critical, because in the moment you need to adjust to what they say, or, when you put a number out there, be really cognizant of practicing silence. I'll give you some tips because it may feel a little awkward when you throw it out. So anchoring is critical. It's setting the negotiation point and it might not always be about money, it might be about something, but it's putting that really critical piece out there first and I love it.

Speaker 1:

And the bonus that I mentioned was that anchoring to me is not something that just happens when you're at the table. It can happen before a formal negotiation begins. It can be something that you just kind of throw out a number at the beginning just to adjust that person's perspective of what your expectation is. We see this sometimes when, say, you want a really great bag or there's something that you've never purchased before and you see that it's a lot more expensive than you expected. Or you hadn't even had a number and you're like, wow, that's really expensive. What you'll notice about your thought pattern is, if it's something that you really want, you'll start to get used to or you'll start to justify that, and that's what happens if you throw out a number early. It kind of adjusts a person's perspective of what your expectation is ability to see that number or that concept differently. And that's why I love about anchoring is being clear about what you want and then putting that number out there. So I'll give you some examples to put some more color on the concept for you and start you thinking about how this applies for you. When we come back I'm going to give you some stories that will color this concept for you and get you thinking about how it applies. We'll be right back, all right. So a couple illustrated stories about using anchoring.

Speaker 1:

I have a friend his name is Rob and he negotiates for a living and I remember when I was writing my book he said to me my concept and I feel like people who negotiate have a negotiation concept and he said my concept or his strategy that he always uses in any negotiation, is anchoring, and so the way he does it is. He works for a consulting company and when he's starting to work with a new organization or a new project they're just in the beginning stages of talking about what is the scope of that project. He says I always anchor an idea. So he goes no matter if I have an idea of the number that it's going to be or not, I want to throw out the number. So they kind of start to understand the concept of how much money a consulting engagement is going to be. And that's important because a lot of times if you've not done an engagement with a consulting firm, you may not realize the number that comes with that. So he says in the beginning conversations he'll say something like just in passing He'll just say something like I've done an engagement like this before with a similar company actually, and it costs X millions of dollars. When we did it he said what that does is that gives that person just that idea of how much it's going to cost.

Speaker 1:

And when you think about it like that, what happens is that person is more educated about what they're talking about or what they need to go back to their company in explaining what it's going to take, because if they were thinking it was going to be in hundreds of dollars versus in millions of dollars, then they would have to kind of readjust and be ready to leverage the quality of the work or what is going to be the benefit or the value to the company. And so anchoring an idea gets you used to that, like in a negotiation when you're thinking about the salary that you want or the value of the car that you want, when you've done your research, and you can throw it out there and maybe let's use a car. For example, if you're going for a $40,000 car and that's the sticker price, you may start at $32,000 and then get them to. It's OK. They might be really shocked and you have to get ready for that. You have to be able to practice silence when that happens so that you look confident when you do it. And so, thinking about how you're going to anchor it because you need to know that that's not where you're going to end and that's the critical piece is that you have to think about your anchor, either on the lower end or the higher end of the range that you want to end up in. Now I said for the bonus. The bonus is the same concept can be used in your professional career, in your journey.

Speaker 1:

I remember when I was early in my career I was at a lunch with a client and this was new, I'd never even done a business trip before and we were in Bethesda, maryland, and one of the senior leaders there wasn't a lot of room in the car and the senior leader said I'm going to walk back to the office. It was a 30 minute walk and I thought, oh, I'll just walk with you, why not? And during that walk she made a comment about expanding her team. And I'm not thinking about it. But I just said, wow, I would love to work in your organization and she kind of like went, oh, I never thought about having you as a part of our team. The guy shifted her perspective and she was like, oh, there is some benefits to having somebody in Denver, so that might be really good for us. So that was my first kind of view into knowing what you want.

Speaker 1:

Now, at that moment I probably wasn't that aware that I was looking for something else. I do remember I wasn't overly satisfied in the role that I was in and I was starting to get a little bit curious about what is out there. But because I had the courage to say that and put it out there, I shifted her perspective and I remember I heard a C level person recently talking at a leadership conference and she said that whole concept was so valid Now that she had been up in the senior ranks she is seeing opportunities for projects that don't fit quite neatly in the organization. And she goes and it's hard for me to figure out who would be best. So I wait for people to kind of raise their hand to say I'm interested in doing something more. I want to challenge myself in this way and it makes her easier to say, hey, I have the person. Suzy would be good for this.

Speaker 1:

So, thinking about and understanding yourself and your professional development and maybe the things that you want more exposure in, maybe it's being a part of a board meeting, understanding what happens in a staff meeting of your boss and that person's peers, like thinking about what would be really good for your development you never know. If you see that idea, it adjusts that person's mindset on where you fit in their world and it gives them some, maybe some opportunities they hadn't even thought about that they could offer to you. So anchoring to me is such a powerful concept, whether it's in a negotiation, where you have to be really thoughtful about how you use it, or how you'll react to the first number that's thrown out, or when you'll do that, and then, as in your own professional development, being really clear about what areas you want to develop in so that when you're in front of that person it doesn't need to be just your boss but anybody in the organization. You can throw out this idea, even if it's just in the elevator or in the hallway and you just say, hey, you know, I was just thinking the other day. I'm kind of interested in getting exposure in this area. If you ever see an opportunity, I would love you to consider me. So thinking about it in those both ways.

Speaker 1:

Anchoring is such a powerful way of practicing that when we get back, I'm going to give you three tips to start using anchoring right now. We'll be right back. Hey there, love this podcast. I'm taking 10 seconds out of this episode to ask you to leave an honest review. More reviews on the show help us to reach more professionals who are ready to lead with leverage.

Speaker 1:

Now let's continue the conversation. All right, we're back, but let's jump right into tip one. Tip one is being really clear about what you want so that you can anchor that idea, that number, whatever that is for you. And being clear allows you to be confident and bold. And when you throw that number or that idea out, whether it's being bold is being comfortable with it. So, thinking about it, getting pulling information so that you know what your market value is, it's getting really clear about where you want to go. Having that clarity gives you the ability to say it with confidence, and saying with confidence, even the reaction.

Speaker 1:

You have to be ready that the reaction might be surprise, which the research shows. Surprise sparks this emotion in us that makes us want to pull away from what we said. So understanding and even being prepared for they might be really shocked and you have to know that. You have to just kind of sit through that. So be bold, say what you really want and be really clear about it and then, after you say it, just be aware that the reaction might not just be sounds great, it might be oh my gosh, that's a lot more, or we're way off, and just know that what you need to do, instead of saying okay, never mind, or I don't want to do that. Well, tell me more, what can we do? How can we have a conversation around this? So the first tip is be really clear about where you're going and be clear when you say it, in whether it's the number, the idea, the concept, whatever it is for you, and be bold.

Speaker 1:

And the second tip is once you're bold and you've put that concept or that number out there, prepare for silence when we feel like it makes us nervous or we feel like we're shooting higher than where we want. It makes us feel emotional and a little bit afraid, and so when we are feeling insecure or afraid, we tend to want to talk, and so our natural reaction might be to justify it or to help them understand. I know this is high, but and what that does is it softens your position. So it's really important to get so comfortable with that number or that concept that you do practice it out loud so that when you're saying it, you're not hearing it for the first time when you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe. I just threw that out there. That sounds so high, that sounds so much bigger than me. So practicing silence is really key, and don't underestimate the fact that it's a challenge to insert silence, especially when you're throwing out that number. So you need to, if you're on the phone, press mute right when you get done, because that will force you to stop. Do what you need in your head to say I'm going to say this number and then I'm going to stop and let them talk first and just gauge what their reaction is, because you want to see what is their automatic response to it. That is going to indicate where you need to go from there. So tip two is practicing silence when you throw the concept or the number or you anchor in that moment.

Speaker 1:

And the third tip is to really think about how do you frame the number or the idea. And a lot of times it's really helpful to talk about the value right before you give them the number and say something. Like you know, I've thought a lot about exactly what I want in this circumstance and I've thought about the background that I bring, the experience, the schooling, whatever those factors are, right before you say that number. So thinking about the frame that's going to get you to that number, how you want to say it, is really critical because what you're doing is you're adjusting their perspective on the value that you bring and you never know they might have to have those facts, those pieces of leverage, to go back to get you what you've asked for. So think about the frame.

Speaker 1:

We tend to get so nervous about that idea that we want to throw out there or that number that we just kind of go right to it. But framing it and practicing that from that kind of start of okay, here goes the anchor frame, and starting with the value you bring and not just the number, and blurting it out, that's going to feel to the other party like it's very thoughtful about the way you move through it. You kind of show them your math and you justify it for you right before you say the number. It will also give you some courage as you're going through it because you can listen to the way that you're rationalizing it for the other person and so make saying that number makes sense to you in your mind. So thinking about the frame, framing it as the value and being clear on that before you give the very specific anchor and then you practice silence.

Speaker 1:

So when you think about anchoring, think of those three tips Again, they are really understanding what that number or that concept is for you, being clear about it so that you can be bold and courageous when you say it. The second one is when you're done saying it and you're bold and courageous, practice, practice silence and in the moment, make sure that you insert that silence and make sure that they are the next person that actually says something instead of you. And the third is it's not just throwing that number out there or that concept, it's framing it. It's framing the value that you bring for that. Those three tips you can use in either a negotiation or really anchoring this idea of where you want to go in your career. So when we come back this is the concept that I love is when we start talking about how do you put it in practice we're going to do a stop-start and continue so that you can think about how are you going to start practicing anchoring right now. We'll be right back, all right.

Speaker 1:

My favorite part this is you know, as an executive coach, you can listen to all of these great ideas or concepts or content, but it's really how do you apply it for you? So I'm going to go through the stop-start and continue and you can start thinking about what are you going to do, what are you going to shift so that you can stop, start and continue, starting today. So the first one is stop, and I always think about there's so many things that I need to stop doing, but I know in this context for anchoring, that I really need to practice what I preach around practicing silence. I tend to be a highly empathetic person and I think about what's in the mind of the person in front of me. So it's really hard for me to anchor an idea and then just shut up, just be quiet, because I so want to show and illustrate to the other person that I know what they're thinking or how they're going to respond, and so I'm going to stop doing that.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to really be conscious of practicing and inserting that silence so that I can honor I'm going to look and think about it that way honor what is on the mind of the person in front of me. What am I going to start doing? You know I need to plan more around that anchoring and, in any conversation, start identifying what is that key thing that I want and taking more time to be thoughtful around that, because without it you're never going to go toward it. So I'm going to start really thinking about this concept and it will help me really identify in real time when it's happening to me and around me or when I need to move into it. So I'm going to really start just thinking and using this word anchoring in my head or to other people, because that will allow me to be really conscientious and intentional about using it. And then continuing I'm going to continue to see it in everything that I'm doing. I think this concept is something that we hear about in a negotiation, but we don't see it in every day. So I'm going to continue to notice it and be aware of that so that I can really move into and lean into that power of anchoring.

Speaker 1:

This concept is so important and yes, there are a lot of people that talk about the concept around throwing out that first number and I think that when you're really clear about what you want and when you take time to think about, is it in my best interest to anchor or here was on the mind of the other person. I think even going through that math for you can help. You know when you need to be quiet or when you need to go and be that first person that throws that out there. It's scary, it is really scary because you're risking what you want for the reaction of the other person and you don't want to sound greedy, you don't want to sound self-serving, but you have to show them what's on your mind. And don't get me wrong, I really am intentional about when I don't know what somebody's budget is.

Speaker 1:

When I'm working with somebody and I will ask them and it's not that I'm trying to manipulate them I'll say do you have a budget in mind? Do you have a number? And I try to pull that out of them before I say what my number is, even if I'm clear, because I want to understand what's on their mind, and even if their number is lower or higher than mine, I'm not going to take advantage, but I'll help them understand where kind of the chasm is between that, whether they need to think and go higher. Or I'll say you know, my number is a bit lower than yours, let's talk about maybe I can provide some additional value to it. So it's not manipulative, it's being really clear and pulling. That is really important.

Speaker 1:

I hope this was helpful to you. I would love to hear your stories about how you've started to use anchoring and even using that word more often so you get comfortable with the concept. If you want to know more or work with me, head to negotiationlovecom. That's a place where you can find out all about different resources and things that you can participate in. I'm so glad that you chose to be here to learn how to adopt a negotiator mindset for you. If you want more information, head over to negotiationlovecom. You can find out all about how to engage with me. And remember negotiation is more than a skill, it's a mindset. See you next time.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage. I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me. If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want, I have more resources for you. You can join my newsletter, where your inbox will love a Monday Minute it's an easy read where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week. And if you want to read my book, the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation, I have a special offer just for my listeners. These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me, there's more information there as well. I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset, because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it. Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you.

People on this episode