How to Get What You Want
You already know what you want. The question is, do you know how to get it?
On How to Get What You Want, Susie Tomenchok shows you how to navigate the moments at work that actually determine your career. The conversations, decisions, and situations where what you say and how you show up shapes your career growth, leadership presence, and professional advancement.
Because getting what you want isn’t about being louder or more aggressive. It’s about how you think, how you position yourself, and how you handle those moments at work.
And whether you call it that or not, that’s negotiation.
Not the kind that feels pushy or uncomfortable. The everyday kind you’re already in.
When you decide to speak up in a meeting
When you ask for an opportunity
When you handle workplace conflict
When you position your ideas and advocate for your value
Each week, Susie breaks down real workplace scenarios, communication strategies, and mindset shifts so you can stop second-guessing yourself and start getting what you want in your career and your life.
How to Get What You Want
Mastering Power Dynamics in Negotiation
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Unlock the secrets of power dynamics in negotiation and transform your approach to high-stakes conversations. Today we explore how understanding the four key types of power—relationship, situational, hierarchical, and perceived—can alter your negotiation outcomes.
I'll share some examples of how power dynamics impact real-world scenarios, so you can learn how positional power, like the influence a COO holds, dictates behavior in meetings, and how situational power can be leveraged to foster better relationships. Whether you’re a seasoned leader or just starting out, this episode is packed with strategies to accelerate your professional growth and create valuable opportunities.
In this episode, we'll cover:
1. The concept of power in negotiations and interactions.
2. How to observe and utilize power dynamics.
3. Practical application of power awareness.
🎯 Done feeling overlooked while you watch others move forward?
Executive coaching helps you advocate for yourself, get clear on where you're going, and take ownership of your next step. Book your call here: https://calendly.com/susietomenchok/new-meeting
_____________________
🚀 Ready to Get What You Want?
Listening is great, but real change happens when you take action. Join my newsletter for exclusive negotiation strategies, scripts, and real-world case studies you won’t hear on the podcast. Sign up now at www.negotiationlove.com—it takes 10 seconds and will change how you view and negotiate forever.
📖 Continue Your Professional Growth with These Resources:
Get my Book: The Art of Everyday Negotiation without Manipulation:
www.susietomenchok.com/our-book--the-art-of-negotiation
Learn more about booking me for a workshop: www.susietomenchok.com/workshops-and-training
_____________________
Remember, negotiation is more than a skill—it’s a mindset.
💕Susie
www.linkedin.com/in/susietomenchok
Understanding Power Dynamics in Negotiation
Speaker 1Do you know the invisible aspect that's always in play in any negotiation , difficult conversation , any scenario . I'm going to talk all about it . It's one of the things that I love to consider . Stay right here .
Speaker 1Welcome to the Leaders with Leverage podcast . I'm your host and negotiation expert , suzy Tomichuk . It's time to be your own advocate and confidently navigate what you want out of your career , not simply the next role or additional compensation . I want to show you that negotiation happens every day in plain sight , so you need to be ready to opt in and say yes with confidence . This happens by adopting a negotiator's mindset , and I'll show you how , together with other business leaders , you'll learn the essential skills and shifts in mindset you need to know . You will be empowered to naturally advocate for yourself and grow your professional skills , and while you're practicing along the way , you'll increase your confidence and gain respect , all while you're growing into that future leader you're poised to be , and when you face a high stakes situation , you're ready , no matter how high those stakes are . So let's do it . Let's lead with leverage . Hey there , I am so glad that you made the time to be here today , and especially because this is a topic that I think is so critical to consider in any high stakes situation , negotiation , any scenario really , where especially if there's an intensity to it or just when you don't have a lot of other things to think about or you're watching a meeting it's a great thing to consider and it's all about power . And it's interesting because we all think about power in different ways and power is often thought of as in a negative way , like how is somebody using their power against us or using their power to influence their needs ? And that's actually really true and something to consider .
Speaker 1And there's different types of power . There's actually four that are a part of negotiation , and I always tell people that I work with to consider the power in any situation that you're in , and , especially if you're in a big Zoom call and you're not an active participant , think about the power at play . Why are they asking that question ? Who has hierarchical power ? Who has relationship power ? Who has hierarchical power ? Who has relationship power ? How are they showing that ? How are they giving power to others ? Their power is an interesting thing to consider and it's this invisible aspect and it even inhibits and strengthens our position , depending on if we believe we have it or not . So the four different types of power that I want you to consider and think about are these four .
Speaker 1One is relationship power all about who you know , how much trust you have . The second one is situational power . That is , who has home field advantage , who is in the comfortable place , what situation is giving them confidence ? You could be having a difficult conversation in a coffee shop and one person might be more distracted by everything that's going on around and that creates a diminished power for them or confidence . So situational power we'll talk a little bit more about that .
Speaker 1Then there's hierarchical power . That's all who has the authority in the situation . It's the person that has the job that you want . It's a person that has a higher title than you . It's all about who in the situation , just by the nature of the structure of the conversation , holds power .
Speaker 1And then there's perceived power , and this is really interesting . There's a lot of studies around . In a negotiation , if you perceive that the other person has more skill than you , you will actually give them more power . And in studies they would tell people that they had more negotiation skill over another person and that would make that person feel more confident going in . And vice versa was true . So power is a real thing and it's invisible because if we don't consider it and plan for it and even notice it , we can be inhibited and strengthened by it . And I think it's fascinating to look at the power because it shifts all the time . If you are in a situation and all of a sudden time is running out like you have to go to another meeting , you get less power in that conversation because you get distracted about where you need to go next . So the power that you have is shifting , based on the fact that you need to get a deal or you need to get them to understand before you walk away , whatever your goal is in that situation . So power is fascinating to consider and something that you should always prepare for . You should really think about in the moment , be aware of and understand how it's going to play a factor in making sure that you get to the end , to your best case scenario for that situation . And how can you maneuver , how can you increase your power or your confidence , and how can you help the other person by wielding the power that they need to get to a yes or the decision they have to make , and even understanding what power or leverage do they have in the situation . So stay right with me I'm going to talk about . I'll try to give you an example for each one of those so you can consider in a little more material way how this will relate to you in a situation for you today or tomorrow and ongoing , considering these areas of power . So stay right here . We'll share a little bit more about context of using power . We'll be right back .
Speaker 1It's me that I tell you how excited I am about this collection of courses I have available . It's all around the concept of adopting a negotiator mindset , and the only way to do that is to really understand what it's like to be a negotiator so that you can practice it in your everyday . I'm excited about this project because it's going to allow people to do this on their own time and go through the course at their own pace . If you want to learn more , go to SuzyTomichukcom . I'd love for you to check it out . All right , we're back . I'm laughing at myself because whenever I go through this section in , when I'm speaking to teams or training on this , I get really excited about this power thing , and maybe it is because , as I was thinking of examples , I kind of got transported into the situations and thinking about how much impact the power had on my perspective .
Speaker 1So let's take the first one . Is I called it hierarchical ? It can be position power . It's really that idea of who has , in the situation , the highest status , whether it's title , whether they have the job you want , whether it's they have you want to get a contract with them , so they have more leverage because they have the thing that you want . So let's talk about positional power as it relates to the title .
Power Dynamics in Negotiation Strategies
Speaker 1I remember when I worked in a big company , positional power , hierarchical power , was really used a lot and it was because there was no other power aspects that people could lean on . And I think about our COO . He would always have a Director Plus meeting on a certain day and he was always late and we would always wait and he had the agenda and it was his rules with the meeting and that was because he had positional power . We all knew that we needed to listen to what he wanted to do and we would do whatever he needed in that moment . If he told us to wait a half hour until he got back from he would often be on a bike ride all the money that was spent for us all waiting for him , but anyway we would think about that as hierarchy . We listened because of his status In negotiation . It's so important to consider this as well . Is that person hold a position that makes us more nervous only because their position gives them more power ? And I think about doing a deal with Boeing and I was working with their chief legal officer and I just remember feeling really because of his level , it really helped me or made me believe that he had so much experience . He knew the rules more than I would because he had done a lot of contracts within his business . So because of his hierarchy he had power over me because I looked up to him .
Speaker 1So hierarchical power it's especially critical in corporate politics and all those things , because especially critical in corporate politics and all those things because oftentimes when people don't hold influence , they use their power to make people do things because they have nothing else . The second one is situational power and you know you always hear in negotiations that you should do them over a meal and the research shows they did simulations where they had people do really sophisticated and difficult negotiation scenarios and some people had food and some didn't and they actually found that the people , the groups that broke bread while they negotiated , had better outcomes . They had better relationships moving forward , and so they really proved the idea that situational power can wield good outcomes depending on that situation , and situational power can be you go to somebody's office and they feel really comfortable . They have all their things in front of them and that might make them feel really in a place where they are confident . It's important to think about if you do a deal or have a difficult conversation in a distracted location like a coffee shop , if that's going to inhibit you or distract you or the other side . So situational power influences the parties because of the outside factors that play a part of it . So considering does that other person that you're meeting with have better situational power in this situation or do I , and what aspects could affect that ? And if that is true , can you go to a more neutral location to increase your power or confidence ?
Speaker 1The next one is relationship power and that really has to do with the trust that you have with the other party and relationship power really comes from that being able to lean on that relationship to get a deal , to have a discussion , to really frame it in that way . And I think a good takeaway here is to really think about . If you're meeting somebody for the first time and you're going to start talking about something that could get to a high stakes situation or be really meaningful for one of you or the other , thinking about , do you need to build the foundation If you don't know them ? How do you even have a little bit of small talk ? They say in consumer , like going to buy something from somebody you don't know at a convenience store , somebody that you're connecting with , if you notice they say to you oh I really like your shirt shirt or you like something about you . That might be them trying to make this connection , because people that have deep relationships are more likely to agree to a scenario . People like to do deals and come to good conclusions with people they know , like and trust . That is true . So , thinking about the relationship power and what you need to do to shift that and even invest in that quickly to raise that up . That is an important aspect that leads to better outcomes if you try to build that relationship and build that collaboration , because the more trust you have , the more somebody is going to feel comfortable , which expands their ability to be collaborators and to be creative . Think about options , talk through things out loud . So that relationship factor is really really key , important .
Speaker 1And then the last one is perceived power , and that is to me it's all about your self-awareness , about you at the table . Even thinking about and knowing that somebody has more experience than you can affect your confidence in that moment . And I think about when I used to negotiate against a guy named Bill . He was pretty shrewd , he used anger and emotions , and I remember every time I would to negotiate against a guy named Bill he was pretty shrewd , he used anger and emotions and I remember every time I would go up against him my perception was he was going to beat me , he knew more , he was a better skilled negotiator and , frankly , not afraid to do maneuvers that were a little bit not honest and sometimes really harsh , and so I knew he would do that . And so I would have to really use the relationship power by connecting with him so I could see him as just a human being and that would decrease that perceived power in my mind of him .
Speaker 1So perceived power is a real thing and so if you can get into the head of the other person and let them think that you are better suited , you're more confident , you have more experience . That could work to your advantage . That may feel manipulative to you , so don't do that if it feels that way , but that could work in your favor . I remember working with a guy one time . He said I know you're a really good negotiator , so can we just tell , will you tell my boss that I really was tough on you and we went back and forth a lot of times because I want to save face but I don't want to go up against you . And I remember thinking I don't feel like I'm a great negotiator , but that was his perceived power of me .
Speaker 1So power is a really important thing . Remember the positional power , the hierarchical , the situational power , the location where you are and who has more comfort . Relationship , power , really that connection between the two people , what is that relationship ? And then the perceived power , and that's really inside of you or the other person . And then the perceived power , and that's really inside of you or the other person . And whoever has a higher perceived value of themselves will automatically give themselves more power , which leads to confidence , which leads to better outcomes . See , you can see my energy in this .
Speaker 1All right , I'm going to give you three tips on how to use these when we come back . So stay right here and I will return in just a brief moment . Hey , suzy , here . I thought I'd pop in . You know , when I was a little girl , I always thought I wanted to be on the stage . I thought I might be holding a microphone and singing , but I'm now on the stage a lot and I love it because it's not about me and that experience . I love to move people , give them an impactful message that really makes them feel confident so that they change their actions . If you know somebody in your network internally that hires speakers , I would love a warm introduction . Just send them to suzytomachukcom speaker page . I would be so grateful . See , I told you I'd be right back , so let's get into the three tips on using power .
Speaker 1So the first one I want to give you is to be an observer , and what I mean by that is start to take note of power around you . When you are in a meeting that you aren't participating in , or you are observing a presentation and people are asking Q&A . Identify the different factors , the different parts of power . What are the reasons why ? Maybe it's just the person that is speaking and they have hierarchical power , and that's why ? So ? Identify these power aspects and see if you can start naming them in the situations that you're in , because just having that observation of them will help you see it in motion . And what's really interesting is when you start to observe these different types of power , you start to understand why people ask certain questions , why they sit in different places in the room . If a person holds hierarchical or positional power but doesn't have relationship power , which means they don't have influence and they're using their position so they might act more bossy than collaborative , because they just want to say do it this way . So watch around . You see these things , these power aspects , come to life in other people and that will give you a higher EQ around these power options . All right , I'm just going to keep going .
Speaker 1So number two is when you're going to go into a high stakes situation for you a difficult conversation , something that's really bothering you , consider the power that will be at play and whether that will work in your favor or against you . Just by thinking about it and preparing for it when it faces you , when it's in the moment , you can make those adjustments . I mentioned Bill and how he made me intimidated because I knew he was a good negotiator . I knew he was shrewd and I knew he used negative tactics , so I knew that he had a lot of bag of tricks that I didn't ever really understand . So I mean , I never knew how they were coming , and so I would use that few minutes , like I mentioned , to ask him about his son , and that would kind of make him more human to me . And so I would literally watch myself like tell myself okay , I feel more confident , I feel more powerful , like I see him going down and me coming up . So plan for it , think about how you'll work through it and then that way , when you see it happening , then you can adjust in the right way .
Speaker 1And then the third thing is , if you don't prepare for it , or if you are taken aback by something , like all of a sudden you feel nervous or triggered , or something unexpected happens , like somebody walks into the meeting and it's unexpected . Take a moment and think about the power aspect . What's going on with you ? Why do I feel like I'm losing my confidence ? Why am I getting nervous ? Maybe the person that came in has positional power and all of a sudden you thought you had positional power and they change and shift that . If you just in that moment , if you're aware , you can recognize that happening and make a clear decision about what to do .
Speaker 1So when you think about the first one and observing and becoming kind of a learner around these positional powers , that will help you in that aware stage when you understand or feel like something has shifted for you , what of these power aspects might be getting in your way . It could be a situation where all of a sudden you do feel distracted . Or it could be like somebody's giving you a lot more pressure in the moment and all of a sudden the relationship doesn't feel as engaged or entwined or trusted and all of a sudden they're showing up differently . So in the moment is really important to have that ability to flip into what power aspect is at play .
Empowering Yourself Through Power Dynamics
Speaker 1So the three tips are observe , think and look around , even in a one-on-one conversation , when you leave the conversation , think about the power aspects at play At home , in a social situation , at the store , even in line . I think about power and how it's playing out . So be an observer .
Speaker 1Number two was to plan for it , prepare for it , anticipate it . How will it show up ? And the third is be aware , understand that when you do feel triggered and something has adjusted . Go to one of these power aspects and ask yourself what shifted ? What do I need to be aware of ? What can I change to get my confidence back ? These are really important things to consider and fun to experience and watch and be an observer of . So use those tips . Start right now , start as soon as you finish listening to this , and figure out how you're going to put them in place . In fact , when we come back , let's put it into action . Let's think about what we need to stop , start and continue so that we can put these power aspects to our benefit and leverage them . Starting right away , we'll be right back .
Speaker 2Oh , I got it . Hey everybody , I'm James . I'm Susie's co-host on her other podcast , quick Take . You're enjoying this podcast . You're going to love our podcast Quick Take even better , mostly because , well , I'm there , which is infinitely more entertaining . But hey , you'll love it if you join us . Please subscribe now , wherever you get your podcasts .
Speaker 1All right , we're back and , as you know , you know me it's not just listening to this , it's how are you going to put it in action ? That's really where the rubber hits the road . So let's talk about this . What are we going to stop doing ? Stop , start and continue . So stopping is always the hardest one for me to figure out , and I took a minute to really think about . What do I need to stop doing ? As it relates to all these power aspects , and perceived power can really start in your head , and I'm going to stop letting it control me . I don't often , when I experience a negative aspect of perceived power , I don't just stop it . I need to take action in that moment . So I'm going to stop just letting it go . I am going to make sure that I change my action , and so I think that's kind of a start too . That's such a I'm , I'm . What are you going to stop doing ? But I'm kind of not being honest here . And what am I going to start doing ? I'm going to start changing my behavior . When I see one of these working against me and being able to make that shift , I'm going to start in that moment making a change , and so for me , I think the one that gets me the most probably is actually situational power . I forget sometimes when I'm in a public place or in a place that I haven't considered the power that that wields to my benefit or negatively against me how I can leverage that better . So I'm going to start really thinking about situational power more and have more intensity around that , and then what I'm going to continue to do is be a great observer . I think this is so fun to consider these power aspects in every situation , and then you get more , a deeper understanding of how they are being utilized in your benefit and not and so that you can get to better outcomes . So I want to challenge you what are you going to stop doing as it relates to power ? What really sat with you today when I said all of those aspects ? What are you going to start doing ? How are you going to employ one of these , this power , in a way that's going to benefit you moving forward ? And then , what are you going to start doing ? How are you going to employ this power in a way that's going to benefit you moving forward ? And then , what are you doing ? Well , it's always great to celebrate when I said positional , situational relationship or perceived . One of those might have been like oh , I got that . I always think about that , so what are you going to continue doing ? Think about that , so what are you going to continue doing ? Don't just listen and just let it float on by .
Speaker 1Thanks for being here . I do appreciate that you take the time for you . It's not about me here . This is about how are you going to shift and change , and I'd love to hear from you If you have some feedback . On what topics do you want to hear ? What questions do you have ? That's the source of great content that other people are going to benefit from . So reach out to me , connect with me . I would really enjoy hearing from you and please come again , be here . Don't just do it for me . Do it for you . This is time for you to just become a better you , for you to just become a better you , and always remember and never forget that negotiation is more than a skill . It truly is a mindset . I'm Susie . Until next time .
Unlocking Professional Growth Through Negotiation
Speaker 1Thanks for listening to this episode of Leaders with Leverage . I am so honored that you chose to spend your time with me . If you're ready to accelerate your professional growth and invest in defining the career you want . I have more resources for you . You can join my newsletter , where your inbox will love a Monday minute . It's an easy read where I share stories of how others are adopting a negotiator's mindset so that you can use these tips so that you can find success every week . And if you want to read my book , the Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation , I have a special offer just for my listeners . These links can be found in the show notes and if you want to work with me , there's more information there as well . I'd love for you to be a part of this movement to adopt a negotiator's mindset , because those who do create opportunities for themselves and they believe the investment is completely worth it . Head to the links in the show notes and just remember that I appreciate you .
