Emma Polette is a chronic warrior with Endometriosis and Grave's Disease. She has learned to negotiate her life with chronic illness by using yoga and the principles it teaches you. We talked about Ahimsa, accepting yourself as you are, and learning to truly love yourself.
Emma Polette is a chronic warrior with Endometriosis and Grave's Disease. She has learned to negotiate her life with chronic illness by using yoga and the principles it teaches you. We talked about Ahimsa, accepting yourself as you are, and learning to truly love yourself.
Hi, this is Brandy Schantz and you're listening to Living Chronic. Today I am speaking with Emma Palette from emmapalette.com. She does a daily yoga. She also is a chronic illness warrior living with both Graves disease and endometriosis. So welcome and thank you for coming on Living Chronic, Emma.
Oh, thanks so much for having me.
So, yeah, we talked a little bit before about, you know, what it's like living, you know, with a chronic illness and like many of us, you have two chronic illnesses. Um, so. Life's a little bit different for us when you have more than one because they interact with each other. Sometimes you have to think about one or the other when you are getting treated.
So tell me a little bit about what it's like, uh, living with both endometriosis and
Graves disease. Yeah, so, um, endometriosis is the one that I've had for the longest amount of time, and I guess it's the one that I feel. More comfortable talking about because I understand it a little bit better, even though no one really understands it.
Um, but for people who are listening who don't know what it is, it's a, um, chronic disease that faces people with uterus. And it's where we get, um, cells that are similar to the lining of the uterus grows in, grow in other parts of the body. And so it causes inflammation and pain and it also causes a lot of fatigue.
And, and it can affect not just the pelvic area, but people, like, I remember speaking to a doctor about it and him saying, I don't know why it's not treated the same as something like cancer. Because people will get endometriosis growth even in their brains. You know, like it can grow anywhere. Um, so for me, that's been a huge.
Issue in my life because of the amount of pain that it's caused me. Um, and the amount of, um, the fatigue is kind of an interesting one as well. So that's the endometriosis. And then when I thought the endometriosis was over with, then I, um, started to get, it was actually in March, 2020 when the pandemic was starting.
Um, I was going. Oh yeah, I was getting a lot of stress. There was just multiple things going on besides the pandemic. Like if, if the pandemic hadn't happened, this would've been a stressful time anyway, so you add that on top. Um, and I started getting lots of really, well, actually, in the six months leading up to that, I'd been really, really anxious.
And um, and then around March, 2020, I started to get a lot of, um, heart palpitations and, um, weirdness with my heart and ended up going to, um, emergency and. The second time I went to emergency, they figured out that, um, I had Graves disease. And that was really interesting because the endometriosis really for me was a fatigue thing.
Like the pain really made me very fatigued and slow and unable to, to, you know, have a lot of energy and not be able to get on with my life. The graves was almost the opposite. It wasn't a pleasant. Kind of energy, but it really revved me up and I was constantly like revved and I was constantly not sleeping well, and I was constantly worried about everything and I was constantly overwhelmed.
So it was a totally opposite feeling. Um, and in until I was diagnosed, I didn't really have any, you know, well, even when I was diagnosed, it wasn't a pain thing, so it was very different to the endometriosis, so, mm-hmm. Then, Last year, 2022, the endometriosis started to come back because I had an early, um, menopause due to some surgery for the endometriosis.
And because I have Graves disease, I. And also because I have a history of heavy drinking, which I think was partly to do with self-medicating, with so much pain. Um, yeah. And, um, they were really worried about my bone health. So I was put on, um, H R T and then the H R T, which is. Obviously estrogen endometriosis, they think is estrogen driven.
So when I was put on the H R T for my graves, that has brought back the endometriosis. And so it's just really interesting to sort of see how they do interact, but they're also at such opposite spectrums to each other. Like one really slows me down and the other one makes me this kind of hyper manic sort of person.
Yeah, so they're really different to each other and it's, and it's weird to be in those two places at the same time, sometimes, you know, to be in pain and tired, but a little bit kind of wide at the same time. It's, it's not pleasant. I,
I can imagine, I personally, I deal with the fatigue a lot, which is debilitating, but I couldn't imagine having to deal with both of those kinds of things at the same time.
Yeah. Um, I really love how you're doing yoga to help address some of your issues. I'm so big on taking care of yourself in total wellness as best as you can and getting out there and moving. Yeah. Um, one of the reasons you do yoga is to try to reduce stress. Mm-hmm. And we talked about it's so ridiculous in so many ways because every chronic illness sufferer, here's the same thing, stress is going to make this worse.
Well, how do I get rid of stress doc when I can't go to work, when I can't get out of bed, when I can't? Get an appointment with the doctor because pandemic and we have a doctor shortage and I have to wait six months. There's so many things that we live with every day. Yeah. That contribute to stress. So finding something to help reduce that stress is so difficult.
Mm-hmm. But yoga is a wonderful way to do that. Mm-hmm. So tell me a little bit about your
daily yoga. Yeah. So, In March this year. It seems like lots of things happen in March. In my life it's like March and October for some reason. God knows what will happen in October this year. Um, but so in March I was so over being in pain, like I was just always in pain.
It felt like. Um, and I just wanted something else to focus on cuz I felt like all I was thinking about was the pain I was in. When was I gonna get a doctor's appointment? You know, how was I gonna get all the stuff done in my life that I wanna get done? I'm quite sort of driven. I wanna be doing things and I couldn't be doing things.
So I've been teach, I've been practicing yoga for about 25 years and I've been a teacher since 2014. And so I thought, well, now's, well actually, I started studying for a short course in what's called accessible yoga. And it's a beautiful movement of teaching people to understand that yoga really is for everyone.
And unfortunately in the western world, In the kind of diet culture world we live in, it's become this real thing about getting a yoga body and to look a certain way and you know, make sure you're wearing the right brand gear and that you're thin and that you're bendy and all that sort of stuff. But that's not what yoga actually is all about and it never was, but it's kind of been co-opted like that.
So when I was studying accessible yoga, it's really about how, you know, you can do yoga in a chair. You can do yoga lying down in your bed, you can do yoga. By not even doing yoga, you can just be meditating or you could be even studying some of the, um, sort of the ethics around yoga as opposed to physically practicing yoga.
There's so many ways to do yoga, and so I got really inspired by that because I thought. Most of my study in, in yoga has been about the physical practice and I thought it's a really good time to go into more of the philosophy behind yoga and more into the meditation practices. And so I do do a physical practice maybe three or four times a week, but I also do a lot of study and reflection and meditation and you know, one of the most beautiful things that.
Is part of yoga is a word called a himsa, which is a Sanskrit word that means non harming. And it's basically about showing up in the world and trying not to harm others or yourself or the planet or animals or anything. That's what we're trying to do. Yeah, and so in that moment, in March when I was so down and so.
In so much pain all the time. That word of hymns are meant so much to me because I thought all I can do is try not to add more harm. You know, like I'm already experiencing enough as it is, so why not try and live a life where I'm trying to add less of, you know, to take harm away as much as I possibly can.
And that became like a real, um, I guess a light in this dark tunnel that I was in. So, yes. So having that practice, um, every day has made a huge difference, I think over the last couple of months since I've been practicing every day. I really thank
you for sharing that. I've never heard that.
Azu. Ahimsa, H A H I M S A.
So there's, yeah, if you don't mind me saying there's eight parts to yoga, and I think everyone's really focused on the physical practice and meditation, but there's also, um, There's the philosophy behind yoga. So there's the ethical practices of how we show up in the world, and the hymns are one is one of those.
And then there's personal practices that we do to look after ourself. And then there's also breathing practices and concentration. And a whole host is eight different things. Um, and so it's really nice to focus on something like a himsa. And I mean, I can see, I can see you just like. Thinking about that word and how that can be such a transformation just from one little, one little word and one little kind of philosophy can make a big difference.
Absolutely. You know, I talk about this so frequently.
Um, it's very
difficult to not do further harm to yourself. You get down on ourselves. Yeah. You know, you, you're having a flare, you're having difficulty achieving the things you normally would every day in life.
You've been put on prednisone
for the thousandth time and you've blown up like a balloon, so why not just have you know whatever to eat?
Because it doesn't matter. And it's very easy to start going down this path. Uh, well, it doesn't matter anyways. I can't do this. I can't do this, so why not just do whatever or not even get
up at all? Yeah. I love
this concept of don't do any more harm. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's a really great one to wrap your head around when you're a chronically
ill person.
Yeah, that's right. And and like another example is say you do eat a bowl of ice cream because that feels really good to you in that moment. Don't then beat yourself up for that, cuz that's adding extra harm on top. You know what I mean? So it's like, yes, just be really caring and accepting of yourself because.
Us with our chronic illnesses, we need as much care as we possibly can get. And so if we're not showing ourselves care, how can we expect that other people are gonna be showing us care as well? So we sort of gotta lead the way, I think, in some respects. That's just
so great. I, I could probably reflect on this for the rest of the day before shows, um,
yeah, was, we're so hard on ourselves.
Yeah, we're so hard
on ourself every little thing. And I think that's just most, especially women, right? Yeah. We're always hard on ourselves, but that's such a great concept. Um, what a great technique and what a great word to, to help you get through life with a chronic illness. I really love that part
of this.
Oh, great. So do you
introduce that a lot in your daily
yoga? Yeah, so, um, I've, I've started. As I said, like with my own learning of yoga, I was taught in a very western way to start with. Mm-hmm. And so it was all very much about the physical practice. And can you do, can you do a back bend or, which I can't by the way, but like, you know, how, how extreme can you be with your yoga and, um, since doing this accessible yoga course, and stu some other study that I've started doing, like I've really.
Gotten more interested in the, in the philosophy, and I've started teaching that more in the classes that I do face-to-face. But um, actually this month was the first time I've ever run one where I did a 30 day, I'm in the middle of a 30 day challenge with a group of 10 women. So we're doing it online.
And so it's a 30, 30 day yoga challenge. And then every day there's a little something to do. And so it's not a physical practice every day. And some days we do some of the philosophy and. Some of these women, like they've said to me, learning about the philosophy of yoga has been the game changer for them.
Not the physical practice, not the meditation, but just learning about. Hiza non harm. Another one we, we talked about this week is Bra Rio, which is about energy conservation. And so traditionally, well, they've talked a lot about that being celibacy, which is, you know, um, one way of, of saving your energy.
But a lot of people don't wanna do that. So it's more about, in general, what, what is your, um, way of saving energy? And that can be by like not doing. Not sort of buying into hustle culture, but it can also be like by not, um, you know, not having to argue with everyone all the time. That takes, that takes up energy, you know, just accepting other people's opinions or, or whatever.
So there's lots of different, um, Little tiny, uh, lessons that you can learn through yoga that can just really make a change in the way you show up. And I think especially for people with chronic illnesses. And so, yeah, I'm really enjoying these 30 day, I've done one 30 day challenge, but I hope to do more because I think when people can start to bring these practices into their daily lives, that can make a really huge difference.
I believe it. I, I, I hope you do many more of these because I think many of us with chronic illness would like to learn more. This is very difficult, you know, having a chronic illness really affects your life, and I've learned over the years that addressing the emotional and the
mental effects of
chronic illness is actually more difficult than the physical most of the time.
Yeah. Not that the physical is not difficult. We're all trying to deal with pain or, you know, inability to move like we normally would, but certainly that emotional and, and mental toll that it takes on you is, is, is so, um, just
tremendous. Yeah. So having techniques to
learn how to deal with it, I think is, you know, probably the most important thing
you could do.
Yeah. And I think when we live in this world where we're kind of, um, Valued by how much we can do or how much we can produce, or how much we contribute, and. That's what's valued. So when you have a chronic disease and you can't do everything that you even want to do, like you might have a million plans in your head, but you can't do them, it can, it can be an easy thing to not feel valued, not feel valued by other people, not feel valuable to yourself.
Um, so what I love about these philosophies is it's an antidote to that. It's like another way of thinking about life. We don't have to be, I. Productive to be valuable like we were born. So we're innately valuable. You know, the people or our pets. I know you, you're a firm mom too. Like yes, we are valuable to them even if we're not productive, like just being around.
People that you love and they love you, that's valuable and that's productive, you know, without having to tick lots of box boxes and produce lots of stuff. Um, that's a
real aha moment. It really is. I wrote a blog. Just a couple of weeks ago where I talked about just that, about how it's so difficult to learn how to accept who I am as a person now that I'm sick.
Because you know, me, before I was sick, I was super duper American. Right. Or even just Western, you know You're from Australia. Yeah, we have, there's obviously some very similar veins. Yeah. I woke up at 4:00 AM and I did my. Big run or my bike, cause I was training for an Ironman, then I would read my book and then I would be at work no later than seven or seven 30 and work till 6, 7, 8 o'clock at night.
Fit in a second workout. You know, have a side, something happening. And when I suddenly could only do one thing at a time, if anything at all, it felt like I was suddenly
worthless as a person. Yeah.
So this whole concept, I think is a real aha moment for everybody. Cause I think we all go through these.
Very similar, similar things. Yeah. Um, so it's, it's very, you know, I, I love what you're doing with that. So you also.
So you also, um, experienced early menopause as a result of the endometriosis? Yes, and I know for women, you know, menopause in and of itself signifies a bit of an end of your youth, but also when you go through it early, it means that you might miss out on certain aspects of your life, like having children.
How has that affected your life and what are you doing to kind of deal with that on a daily
basis? Yeah, so yeah, I was 43, so that's still quite young. Um, but not, I mean, every, you can say anyone's had it worse than you, can't you, so I'm not gonna say that, but like, so 43 years, very young and, um, I wasn't expecting, I.
The menopause symptoms, but I had a lot of like hot flushes and not sleeping. But it turns out that that was probably actually the Graves disease and not the menopause. But it was hard to tell. Um, but what I, what, what really did happen for me was that I put on probably about 30 kilos, which I think is.
I'm not sure what that is in pounds, but anyway, it's a lot. Um, it's like, you know, it was about half my body weight again, um, over a few years. Like it didn't come on straight away, but like, I am a, you know, I'm a trained personal trainer and I was a health coach and so everyone had always looked at me as the sort of healthy one and then all of a sudden I'd put on a lot of weight and my body shape was different.
And it was, um, you know, the. All the joints I sore and stuff are not from any of the chronic illnesses I have, but more just because it's an aging body kind of thing. I remember seeing a physio when I was 47 and he goes, oh, you've got a 52 year old's body. And I'm like, that's helpful. I don't know why you have to tell me that.
But anyway, um, yeah. Um, so it was really interesting because, yeah, I thought it was menopause, but I think it was actually the Graves Disease. Now, a lot of the symptoms I was getting, um, But it has impacted my life because I kind of, I mean, I never had children and I think I said to you before, like it was never a burning desire to have them.
So I don't feel like I've missed out in a really devastating, traumatic kind of way. But it's also affected my, um, sort of ability to have relationships and things like, um, endometriosis can make sex really painful. And then, During my sort of mid thirties when I was um, diagnosed, that's kind of when you're out.
Well, if you haven't already got a partner, that's when you're out trying to meet people and stuff. But I wasn't feeling up to it. I wasn't feeling well enough. I wasn't feeling sexy or like I wanted to be in a relationship. And so now that I'm, you know, I turned 50 in two or three months and it's kind of like my life.
Um, It's different to everyone else's. I don't have a partner. You know that, that. Impacts, I guess my finances, you know, I don't own a home because, uh, it's harder to own a home on your own. Like, you know, the, the ongoing effects of those things kind of all start to add up. And I sort of start to realize now, you know, turning 50 I think is a big turning point and it's kind of like, wow, I'm not young anymore and you know, where will I be in 20 years time and what will my life look like then?
And I'm not, I'm not trying to. Worry about that too much. But it is something that's has started to play on my mind. So I think when I think about that, sometimes I feel like I'm really behind everyone cuz I never had kids and I don't have a partner and I don't own my own home. And I used to beat myself up about that.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me. But now I sort of think I, you know, this is all related to having had chronic illnesses for most of my adult life. And it's not a. It's not me as a person. It's not personal. It's not because I did something wrong, it's just because of the way my life has turned out.
So again, I think the yoga helps with that. It helps me just not to blame myself for things and just ex be kind of accepting of what's happened. You know, I can't change it. There's no point in making myself feel worse about it. But I think it has impacted me, you know, more than. I would've said five years ago, you know, now that I've thought, you know, thought it all through.
Yes,
it's interesting. I'm also in a similar situation mentally, um, just reflecting on everything I've lost out on over the past. Gosh, how long has it been now? 10 years since I was diagnosed. Yeah, and it does make you take stock of your life and you, I think you do have to work through those feelings and thoughts that you have of, did I lose anything?
You know, how do I not blame myself? These are very real things that we all go through, and I think we all hit them at different points. I sort of kept pushing through my own health issues. Like it's not there. It's not there. Keep going, keep going. And then suddenly it was like, oh, well time to reflect on this because
it's very real.
Yeah, that's right. I thought, I
thought it was also very interesting you, you mentioned weight. Um, That's something that I've struggled with as well. I like you, I'm very healthy, very physical. I'm known as the one who's always out running, doing the Ironman competitions always up to something. And when I'm, for me, it's when I'm on the prednisone.
Mm-hmm.
I, it just, you know,
I did look it up, 20 kilos was about 60 pounds. Yeah. So I, I have done 30 to 40 pounds on the prednisone and people judge me. Yeah. And they sometimes they just flat out have the nerve to say it to my face, you know? Mm-hmm. I thought you were very active. Well, I am or was. Right Now I can't move because of my disease and I'm on prednisone, please forgive me.
Yeah.
Yeah. So it
is very difficult to not internalize that and feel bad about yourself. Mm-hmm. I actually have been, um, so excited to see, I don't know if you're familiar with Christina Applegate. The actress. Mm-hmm. Um, and she was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Yeah, and me, I felt very seen when she just walked out onto that camera, you know, to continue filming her season of her show.
And she had put on weight and you know, I know that she's dealing with the same things that you deal with and I deal with people judging her. Have something to say about why did you gain the weight? You know, what are you doing? Um, so. I, I think that's something we all deal with and you try not to internalize that.
Yeah. I, I feel like I was really lucky because in a way when I, um, was in hospital after I had the hysterectomy back in 2017, I feel like I had this kind of like divine message. I was also on morphine at the time, so, so it might have been that, but I felt like I was, yeah, I felt like I was told. Emma, you've punished your body for long enough.
Now it's time to love it. So up until that point, I was really focused on how much I weighed, what my body looked like, how big my tummy was. And it's funny because like right now I'm rubbing my tummy cuz it's very swollen cause I'm, my endos are a bit bad today. So it's, you know, it's quite big. Um, but I was really lucky to get that message because I have really spent the last five years.
L loving my body. And when I say that, it's not like I wake up every day and go, God, you look hot, Emma. You're so beautiful. It's not always that. Some days I don't think I look beautiful, but some days I do. But I've realized that I'm more than just the way my body looks, and I have so much more to offer.
And, you know, if I put my feminist hat on, it's like, why do I have to look beautiful anyway? Like, that's not the most important thing about me. And it never has been. I'm a smart person, I'm caring, I'm kind, I'm funny. So why does having a thin stomach make any difference anyway? And so that, that message was so important to me, and it has been such a game changer in my life because, um, I've, it's helped me realize I don't have to be thin.
To be an important person in the world. Um, I think it goes back to that value. I don't have to live up to other people's expectations and values. I have to just value myself and love myself. That's the most important thing. Um, and I manage to do that most days. And that's, that's, that's all that matters.
That's a great message. I really thank you for sharing that because so many of us struggle. With figuring out our worth now that we're not the healthy person we once were. Now that we're not thin because, you know, especially women, you know, we're supposed to be thin and beautiful and productive and all the things.
Um, so w you know, what a great message. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed speaking with you. I've learned about aza. I am going to read more about that. I really hope you do another 30 days, cause I know I'd love to join in. Yeah. Awesome. Because this is a great, great, uh, message and a great technique for all of us, uh, dealing with chronic illness.
So I really wanna thank you for coming on the show, Emma Palette emma palette.com.
Thank you so much for having me. I've loved it. Thank you.