Holly Bertone, Coach and Podcast Host, Gratitude Builds Fortitude, talks about how mindset can shift your perspective and change your life.
Holly Bertone, Coach and Podcast Host, Gratitude Builds Fortitude, talks about how mindset can shift your perspective and change your life.
Brandy (00:01.535)
Hi, this is Brandy Schantz and welcome to Living Chronic. Today I'm speaking with Holly Breton, podcast host, Gratitude Builds Fortitude. She is a chronic warrior, Hashimoto's disease, and a breast cancer survivor. So thank you for joining me today, Holly.
Holly Bertone (00:20.866)
Hi Brandi, thanks so much for having me on the show and I'm super excited to be here and especially with what both of us have been through in our communities and to be able to share my story and talk about gratitude and also I just wanna say right off the bat, if you're listening and you just hear the word gratitude and you're rolling your eyes are like, oh, right? Just I'm gonna challenge you to keep listening because your mind's gonna be blown by the end of the episode, so.
Brandy (00:47.151)
And you know what, I feel like that's true. Every time I do an episode, there's so much experience with people who deal with chronic illness. And when you've been dealing with it for a long time, you learn certain techniques, you learn how to process things, you learn how to live your life. And I know for a fact that so many people hear these things like gratitude and, you know.
movement makes life better and get vitamin D. But the reality is it truly works and it is helpful. And it's those kind of techniques that we work through really just to help us live, to get through life. And you've really done a lot of work on this to make your life better. So tell me a little bit about gratitude and how that's changed your life.
Holly Bertone (01:41.334)
Yeah, absolutely. Can I share a little bit about my backstory first before we get into that? Because I think it's, if we have a few minutes, I think it's important to kind of share where I came from because people see, and especially on Instagram, holly.bertune, shameless self-promotion there, but yeah, on Instagram, I'm always dancing and happy and people are like, why are you so happy all of the time? Doesn't that get annoying?
Brandy (01:45.284)
Oh yes, please, yes.
No.
Holly Bertone (02:07.406)
And here's the thing, like you see me publicly like that, and I am like that behind the scenes as well, but it wasn't always like that. And this is a very conscious decision that my life is this way. And I really like to share a little bit about what it was like so that you understand this is possible for you. And part of that is my backstory.
Before I got sick, I was the quintessential overachiever. I think we've got some things in common there too. I was the chief of staff for one of those three-letter federal government agencies that they make TV shows about. So it was a very high stress management position and I was a competitive athlete. I raced in exterra triathlons, the off-road triathlons. I mountain bike raced. I took Muay Thai. There's like kind of like boxing kind of lessons.
Brandy (02:39.211)
Thank you.
Holly Bertone (03:02.77)
I traveled all over, I drank margaritas with my girlfriends. That was what I thought a perfect life was supposed to be in my 30s. And, you know, and then at the time it was. And on my 39th birthday, I got the phone call and the doctor on the other end said, I'm calling to let you know the test results came back and I'm sorry to let you know you have breast cancer, don't worry, it's the good kind. Go find a surgeon. Good luck.
Brandy (03:31.678)
Mm.
Holly Bertone (03:32.734)
And I'm like, okay, the tests were all in process. Like I knew that deep, deep down the second I felt the lump, I knew, I knew, I knew every fiber in your being as a woman that tells you something's wrong, stranger danger, I knew. But hearing those words, at that point, everything in my life was a demarcation from before cancer and after cancer. And there is no good kind of cancer, none, zero, zilch. It was a small and lazy tumor.
Brandy (03:42.08)
Mm. Yeah.
Holly Bertone (04:00.222)
If anyone's listening cares, it was ERPR positive, HER2 negative. I went through surgery, chemo, and radiation, but it was not a good kind of cancer. So first time in my life I was ever excited about being lazy at something. So but yeah, and so I did all of that and I just kept pushing through cancer. I kept doing all of the things. You know, my high stress management job, they were so accommodating.
Brandy (04:20.064)
Mm-hmm.
That's crazy.
Holly Bertone (04:27.842)
but I would go in on the, which was great, but I would go in on the weekends, right, and work when I could. I would come in a few hours and work before driving myself to chemo. I would close the door to my office and take a nap in the middle of the day. It was just to get through treatment. They were so good about it, but I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I did not stop. And after treatment ended, I did not get better. In fact, my health kept getting worse, and I would...
Brandy (04:31.837)
Go.
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (04:56.482)
go in and I was like, okay, something's wrong. And they're like, no, like, you're, you know, you've been through chemo and cancer and you know, it's gonna take a while to get better. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. I used to be a competitive racer. I used to be go, like go nonstop with my life. And I go into support group, these women, they're out there doing those 5K pink ribbon races. I can't get out of bed, something is wrong with me.
Brandy (04:58.58)
Yes.
Holly Bertone (05:22.282)
and it took a year of just pushing for additional tests until I was finally diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and when I got the diagnosis from my doctor I was like, just give me some pill, give me medicine because he's like, oh yeah we're gonna give you, yeah, I don't know if they were Synthroid or whatever, I was like yeah we're gonna give you some medicine and I was like, I'm gonna be better, I'm gonna be healthy again, I'm gonna be out doing my races and jumping back at work and all the things. Yeah that didn't happen.
Brandy (05:33.899)
You bet.
Yep.
Holly Bertone (05:51.882)
That didn't happen. So it was quite a few years. My health just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. And in 2017, I had already changed positions at that point. I was doing different stuff, different management team. And the new management team came in. I called them the Mean Girls. They decided that they did not like the fact that I was sick. I had all of the EEO and the FMLA and all the official paperwork filled out.
Brandy (06:20.503)
Okay.
Holly Bertone (06:20.726)
They figured out a way to illegally rescind it all. So I was pretty much stuck. Like I'm sick, I'm falling asleep at work, I'm, you know, and you know, like, and I know anyone listening to this, it's not just, oh, I'm tired, just take a nap. No, no, it's that bone crushing fatigue. Like leaving work at the end of the day, praying that I can walk three blocks from the office to my car, getting into my car, turning on the ignition.
praying that I'm not gonna fall asleep to get home and then trying to figure out how am I gonna make dinner for my family at night? Like, it's, yeah.
Brandy (06:56.563)
Everyone who's gone through this knows that feeling when you cannot physically keep your eyes open and your body is not going to move. And we need a new word for it because it's more than fatigue.
Holly Bertone (07:11.006)
Right. Yeah, it's like our body saying, I'm just done. And I think that's actually what it was. And I've seen this on memes on Instagram and heard people talking about it, but it really is true. When your body whispers and you're like, yeah, whatever, right? And then your body's talking to you in normal conversation. You're like, yeah, whatever. And you ignore it and ignore it, ignore it. Finally, your body is screaming at you.
Brandy (07:16.264)
I quit.
Mm-hmm.
Brandy (07:40.68)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (07:41.458)
And finally, and you still ignore it and then your body's just like, and we're done, right? Like we are just done. And I think that that's what happened because I didn't listen. I just kept going and going and going and pushing myself until I was forced to stop. And when I was forced to resign, I mean, that was, it was a very, very comfortable salary. Losing half of our family's income in the DC metro area was just brutal. And yeah, yeah.
Brandy (08:06.449)
It's difficult.
Holly Bertone (08:08.734)
And not only that, like my entire identity, like my identity was like, I'm successful, that's what I do. And my career, everything was, my entire identity was around that. So it wasn't just rock bottom with my health, it was rock bottom with my life, with my identity, with my purpose, with my passion, with everything. Because I felt like I was failing at everything. I couldn't work, I could barely take care of my family, like laying in bed and I was like, I'm just...
Brandy (08:14.678)
Yes.
Holly Bertone (08:37.602)
done like is this the best that life is ever gonna be and with everything like then when logic kicks in right everything that I had been through you know oh with the you know the chemo and the cancer and you know the Hashimoto's like oh this is just how my life is supposed to be and there was an acceptance of this is how life is supposed to be and then I'm like no this is not this is not okay and my so growing up my mother had Addison's
disease, she was diagnosed when she was pregnant with me. Her life, Macha, her entire life, she always said it builds fortitude and I never really knew what it meant. It just, it builds fortitude, it builds fortitude, you know, it's kind of like, oh, I'm going through the tough time, so I'm building fortitude. Like I kind of thought that's what it meant. And as throughout all of my health challenges, but especially at rock bottom number three, especially when I was at a point where everything was stripped from me.
Brandy (09:17.323)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (09:35.242)
and it could not have looked any worse. I mean, aside from dying, I don't think life could have been any worse at that point. And I kept hearing her words in my head, it builds fortitude. And I was like, okay.
I have a choice. I can either say that this is the way life is gonna be for the rest of my life, and just marinated my own misery, or I can do something about it. And what got you here won't get you there. So I decided to take radical responsibility for my health and for my life, and that's when everything changed.
Brandy (10:10.923)
Good for you. And that's the biggest first step, making that change, saying, this isn't working. I need to find a way to live my life in a positive manner despite my illness, despite my disease, despite everything I've been through, and I need to make a change. It's the first step, but it's a big step and it's a difficult step to take. And you...
Holly Bertone (10:21.388)
Yep.
Yeah.
Holly Bertone (10:33.298)
Yeah, yeah, it's looking in the mirror. Like I'm always like, you know, everyone in our world, like we take our pills, we take our supplements, we take our medicine, right? Looking in the mirror and taking personal responsibility is the hardest pill you will ever swallow.
Brandy (10:51.447)
Truly, it's so difficult, but you did it. And that's amazing. Because I know how hard it is. And one of the things I keep trying to really address and talk about a lot on this show is just how difficult it is. Because I'm sick of seeing the news and it's just this person had got cancer and then they wrote a book and founded a nonprofit. This person.
Holly Bertone (10:56.202)
Yes. Thank you. Yeah.
Brandy (11:21.651)
was struck with multiple sclerosis, and then went to the Olympics. Well, I haven't written my book yet. I'm still trying to get through daily life, trying to figure out how to survive, trying to figure out how to get through my depression, how to get through my trauma. I'm a failure, but I'm not. Because what the news missed was that big chunk where it's just, gosh darn hard. It is really difficult to pick yourself up. You don't just...
Holly Bertone (11:46.903)
Yes.
Brandy (11:51.019)
Found that nonprofit overnight. You don't just find your gratitude overnight. It's hard work.
Holly Bertone (11:56.586)
Yes, it is. It's brutal. And I don't sugarcoat it, yeah.
Brandy (11:59.879)
It's the whole thing. No, and please don't. If I could just scream one thing from the rooftops for everybody to hear, it's hard. Everybody comes up to me, oh, you're so strong. Do you have any idea what it took to stand up? It's so difficult.
Holly Bertone (12:19.932)
But here's the thing too, Brandy, choose your heart.
Brandy (12:23.571)
You have to choose your heart, you're right. Make those decisions, they're important decisions. They're very important decisions. And how you make those decisions really will dictate what the rest of your life is going to look like. And you made some really big changes. I mean, you and I have a lot in common. The princess, the super duper type A, I always tell people I'm type A plus.
Holly Bertone (12:27.254)
Yeah.
I know.
Holly Bertone (12:49.234)
Hehehehe
Brandy (12:50.303)
gotta be the best at everything. My whole identity is being successful. It is doing all these things, being ultra productive. I do 17,000 things in one day and wake up at 4 a.m. I still right now struggle with who am I right now that I can't wake up at 4 a.m., run 20 miles, go to work, spend 15 hours in an office, still find time to work on some volunteer work after that and sleep maybe four hours. Obviously that's unhealthy when you...
take a step back. But when you and there's so many people like both of us and that's your entire identity and it's taken away from you, you got to work to find your new identity and build something new.
Holly Bertone (13:30.69)
Well, and here's, it's interesting that you brought that up because that's kind of what I did. I'm like, okay, I put on the overachiever hat because I didn't know what other hat to put on. So I got my certified natural health coach certification. At that point, I just wanted to get myself healthier. So I'm like, okay, let me learn about more natural health and how my body can maybe feel better.
and things that I can do. And I had been studying a little bit, like, okay, maybe I'll go gluten-free and try some things. So I did that at that point. I mean, now I'm a health coach, but at that point was for my own just healing. And then, and I did, I went down, I put that overachiever hat on and I did the things. I did the going gluten-free and the dairy, removing all the processed foods and the sugars and the minimizing the toxins and the parasite cleanses.
Brandy (14:10.089)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (14:26.186)
the infrared saunas and the yoga and the meditation and you know all the things that they tell you to do it you know the coffee enemas because you know sticking a tube of coffee up your butt so much fun. You know like doing all the things because that's what overachievers do we do the things and I still didn't see results.
Brandy (14:42.432)
Yes.
So what did you do to get your results?
Holly Bertone (14:51.122)
I started looking within. And so one thing that as a kid, I used to put, I still actually do, but as a kid, we had this huge dining room table and I would take three different puzzles and I would dump them out on the table. And these were like 500, a thousand piece puzzles, like the big ones. I dumped them out on the table, mixed them up and then put them back together. Like I was that nerdy of a kid. I still, I just still do puzzles every day. But I put that.
Brandy (14:52.8)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (15:19.534)
kind of that analytic background that I had with my project as a project manager, that analytics, that puzzle solving and I'm like, what am I missing? Something is missing here, right? Like this is the stuff that everyone tells you to do. Why is it not working? Why is the medicine not working? Why is nothing working? And what I realized, I kind of went back to my mother's life mantra, it builds fortitude. Like what is the it? Like is there is this it? What is this it thing that she always was talking about and
what I realized was the it that she was referring to was gratitude. Looking at her life and looking at her legacy was how she used her gratitude for everything, despite her circumstances, despite how bad she felt on any given day that she made the most of it. Her positive outlook on life, her giving personality, just her entire spirit like...
Brandy (15:54.77)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (16:17.126)
she could be at her absolute worst, walk in a room, and everyone would feel better. Like that's who she was. And I started to connect those puzzle pieces and that got me into the rabbit hole because again, hello, overachiever. I can't help myself, but I did. I jumped into the science of gratitude and I learned about the psychoneuroimmunology and the neuroplasticity and how the brain is connected to your health and also the brain heart connection.
and how gratitude is really at the top of the food chain to help to reduce that stress and inflammation in your body. That when you're in a disease state, any kind of disease state, your body's inflamed. And you can try all the protocols and try all the things, but until that inflammation goes down, until you can make that shift in your nervous system from the sympathetic, the stress, you know, the stress state.
Brandy (16:52.672)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (17:14.754)
to the parasympathetic, to your rest and digest, your body's never gonna heal. And I'm not talking cure, I'm not talking, you know, zero to running marathons, I'm talking just getting better. And gratitude changed my brain, it changed my outlook, and it really went from a place of focusing on problems to focusing on solutions. And when your brain is now wired to focusing on solutions,
Brandy (17:25.801)
Yes.
Holly Bertone (17:42.25)
you kind of show up in a different place. Like you wake up in a whole different world of possibility and when you're always looking for possibilities, those opportunities are always in front of you and again, we can get into the science, we can talk about this more and people are like wait gratitude really? Because I know like you think gratitude, it's like this like oh rainbows and unicorns and puppy kisses and you know walking around in this like you know land of you know
Brandy (17:42.632)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Holly Bertone (18:11.294)
levitating six feet off the ground and you know wearing rose-colored glasses and it's not that and you know people also think of gratitude as making a list of three things like wait, I made a list of three things, it doesn't work, like I don't even feel good in the moment, you know and they and they make that list of three things that like this does not work. Well, that's not gratitude. That's a list and but that's what that's the thing. That's what everyone...
Brandy (18:34.06)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (18:36.854)
tells us. Like the experts do that. You read any kind of article. You listen to a podcast or anything and people are like, oh, just make a list of three things you're grateful for. And they, and it's almost dismissive, which really annoys me. It really annoys me. If you want to see a million rye rolls on Instagram, just, it's what I do on Instagram. I give that like lots of eye rolls. And yeah, and that's why I started my podcast too, because like there's so many misconceptions about gratitude.
Brandy (18:47.601)
It is.
Holly Bertone (19:06.446)
There's so many misconceptions out there. And people just think that it's this thing, this list of three things, this I'm gonna go around the Thanksgiving table and say what I'm grateful for. But it literally changes the chemistry in your brain and it starts from your heart. That's the big difference is that it's not a list. It's not something that you do, it's who you become. And that being starts in your heart. And when you can connect your heart and your brain together,
Brandy (19:15.694)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Holly Bertone (19:35.442)
in that space of gratitude, in that space of love, in that space of just elevating the way that you view the world, then that chemistry starts to change in your brain. That inflammation starts to lower. Decisions, like when we're stressed, think about decisions, right? When we're stressed, when we're angry, when we're in a fight with someone, when we're upset, do you say kind things or does like your mouth just get hijacked and...
Brandy (19:42.128)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (20:03.606)
all kinds of like nasty things come out of your mouth, right? Or do you make good decisions? Or do you make really bad decisions? Even like the food we eat, like when I'm stressed, I go for the junk food. I don't keep a lot of it in the house, honestly, but I do. Yeah, it's human nature, it's what we do. So when our amygdala is in that, when our nervous system is in the parasympathetic and that rest and digest, our amygdala can make good...
Brandy (20:03.846)
Oh, yeah.
Right.
Brandy (20:18.172)
it is that immediate high.
Holly Bertone (20:33.302)
decisions. When we are in that stress state, we make bad decisions. So it's also giving you a clear mind. I mean how many people listening have brain fog, right? Like everyone, raise your hand. Like I'm, I still struggle. Yeah. And when we're in that state, it's hard to have the clear mind. It's hard to think straight. It's like this, this cacophony of chaos, right? That it's just like all the things, all the things, all the things. And when you wake up and all you can think about is your disease state, that's all you think about.
Brandy (20:34.281)
Mm-hmm.
Yes. Uh huh huh. Yeah.
Brandy (20:53.911)
it is.
Holly Bertone (21:02.198)
When you wake up and all you can think about is your anxiety or your depression or how tired you are or how much in pain you are, that is in your thoughts 100% of the time. And guess what? When that's in your thoughts 100% of the time, that's all you're thinking of and that's all you're focused on. So I'm not saying like gratitude is this like miracle cure or anything. It is not. But what it does, it helps to change the chemistry in your brain and that is what has the ripple effect to everything in your life.
And that's why I'm so passionate about it, because so many people are like, oh, just make a list of three things. No, no, no. Gratitude is so much better than that.
Brandy (21:33.109)
No.
It is. As a matter of fact, I've become very passionate about these things myself because I'm still going through my own journey, as you know. This is all very new for me. And all I knew was I had to pull myself out of the state I was in or I was going to die. And that was it. I either needed to find a way out or I was going to die.
Holly Bertone (21:38.422)
I'm a little passionate.
Yeah.
Brandy (22:06.331)
I only had two choices. And I decided I really wanted to pull myself out. So I tried to come up with these things and work through them and change my brain. But like you talked about, boy do I get negative real fast, you know, with somebody they often will say, well, you should just be grateful. At least, you know, as you've been going through all this and you couldn't work, your husband makes plenty of money.
Holly Bertone (22:12.118)
And I'm glad you did.
Brandy (22:33.139)
What? I shouldn't complain about the pain and the suffering and the loss of my entire life as I once knew it because my husband isn't poor? Are you kidding me? No, this is not, I'm not gonna write down the three things that makes my life better than the next person who's also sick. Not at all, not happening. I'm trying to just change the way I view it, the way I look.
Holly Bertone (22:43.615)
Yeah.
Brandy (23:01.491)
And I'm still going through it. It's very difficult because to be honest, and I'm sure there's many people listening who go through the same thing. You think, but you know what? Why am I trying so hard? This just isn't fair. It's not fair. Why did this happen to me? You know, we're all right. It's not fair. It really isn't fair. There's some people that just sail through life, never have problems. They have tons of luck. You know, they always seem to meet the right person, take advantage of the right.
opportunity, they've never had a health problem, they've never had a family emergency, and good for them, but that's not me, and it's not fair. But there's nothing I can change about that. It isn't fair. Okay, now what else am I going to do? Because if I keep thinking about how unfair it is, I'm just, I am going to die. So I do get very passionate about these things. I know that's the only way out to the other end. It's all of these things that we talk about, all these things
Holly Bertone (23:40.97)
And yeah.
Brandy (23:59.691)
from people like you, that's what gets you to the other end. And it's very important.
Holly Bertone (24:03.382)
Yeah. And you know, you brought up a really good point. Like you're in that place and you know, and it may not be like, I'm gonna die, like literally, but you feel that way. Like this is it, like this is it. And that sky, you look in that sky and there is no light. You've got this completely dark sky and there is no light. And that is my challenge. You're listening to this. It's my challenge to you is to find whatever that light is for you.
the my coaching clients, the students that I teach in the gratitude lab, like that's what we do first. We find that light. We find that North Star. We find like what is that light that's shining? Because what happens is that this journey is like there is 100% probability that the journey is not linear, that there's it's ugly and it's messy and there's gonna be setbacks along the way and when those setbacks happen, you can either focus on the setbacks or you continue to focus on
Brandy (24:55.133)
Hmm?
Holly Bertone (25:01.523)
on your North Star, your Y, that light in the sky. And yeah.
Brandy (25:06.774)
It's also important to remember it's something you have to do every day. The work doesn't end.
Holly Bertone (25:10.11)
Yeah, it is a conscious decision every single day.
Brandy (25:13.467)
every single day and I think that's one of the things I almost wanted to believe. You know, I would finally get to a therapist, I would go through therapy and then I'm back to normal moving on. And that's not how it is. I have to figure out a way to use the techniques I'm learning to work through each and every day. And I still have some very bad days where it's almost like have I even tried and done anything at all?
and things get very low, but then I work to bring it back up again. And I try to use gratitude. I try to use these various concepts I've learned. I try to focus on things that make me happy. I try to put in work and give back to others. And I think that's for me, has been the most healing for me was putting in work and giving back to others, joining the board of the Crohn's Colitis Foundation.
you know, doing a lot of volunteer work. That's really what has given me back a lot of my life, just being able to help others.
Holly Bertone (26:20.674)
And you know, you brought up a really good point Brandy, and I always like to say, you meet gratitude where gratitude's at, and like gratitude meets you where you're at. And it's almost like a kid, right? Like if you have kids or no kids or whatever, like you can't talk to a kid like an adult, right? You kind of have to meet them on their terms. Even pets, like we were talking about our fur babies, you know, kind of the same way. And gratitude's like that. Like gratitude will accept you where you're at.
Brandy (26:30.883)
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Holly Bertone (26:48.842)
You know, and for you, that's what brings you joy. That's what you focus on. For someone else, volunteering may not be their thing. That may not give them joy. So it's gonna be something else. But it's finding that, whatever that is, that fills your heart. And that's really where it starts, is feeling that gratitude in your heart, feeling that joy in your heart, feeling that happiness in your heart. Even if it's tiny, even if it is just one.
Brandy (26:57.551)
Bye!
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (27:16.578)
grain of sand of light in that sky and that's what you focus on and all of a sudden that one grain of sand that one little light in the sky becomes two and then it becomes three and then it becomes four and then maybe that fifth one gets a little bit bigger that's a little bit bigger of a light you know and that's where it starts it's not zero to you know happy pants.
Brandy (27:19.753)
Mm-hmm.
No, not at all. And you may have some good days, but then, oh, boy are there days I wake up and think, oh, this is not good at all.
Holly Bertone (27:48.171)
Yeah, yeah, I just and in fact, I just recorded an episode for my podcast with the gratitude builds fortitude podcast on my divorce, talking about all the gratitude to lessons. I mean, it's public now. And that was, you know, the last year of my life has given me an opportunity to really put everything that I've learned, everything that I teach, how I coach everything to an advanced level, you know, and
Brandy (28:13.056)
Yes.
Holly Bertone (28:15.958)
It's one thing to have gone through it myself, it's another thing to now teach and coach, but then you kind of bring it back and like, okay, I've got a front row seat to this. What is my life going to look like going through this and how am I going to show up? Yeah, I mean, absolutely, it was a divorce. I had really bad days, but I stayed healthy. I didn't get sick. My emotions were really calm and collected. I was not angry. It was just like...
Brandy (28:36.629)
Mm-hmm.
Holly Bertone (28:44.15)
the things that divorce brings out in people was not there. I mean, and yeah, like I'm not trying to bypass, it's a divorce, there was a lot, right? But from the bigger picture, and that's why I always talk about gratitude builds fortitude. It's not just what you're doing today. It's not just building today, it's building tomorrow. Because you might be in a situation today, but guess what, tomorrow it might be something else, it might be something else, it might be something, like this is life.
Brandy (28:47.799)
That's great.
Yes.
Brandy (29:05.792)
Mm-hmm.
Brandy (29:13.545)
Yes.
Holly Bertone (29:13.706)
Right? Life is going to happen. You know, it might be good stuff or bad stuff. You know, you could be having a great day and have something minor happen that just totally flips it. Right? So, it doesn't matter like whatever that is, there's always going to be stuff going on. So, it's not just how do I get through today? It's how do I get through life? And how do I use this to permanently...
Brandy (29:26.88)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Holly Bertone (29:41.386)
change my brain so that I can start showing up differently, regardless of that cacophony of chaos that's going on. And how can I minimize that, right? How can I have the space in my head to think, to hear, to make decisions with a clear head, to show up in a state of calm versus the crazy emotions that come out. And this is why I'm so passionate about what I do, because it's not just a...
it's first of all, it's not a quick fix at all. You know, I mean, it does take, it's like a, you know, you don't go to the gym and you're like, one push up, two arms nailed it, right? Like doesn't happen that way. It's a constant practice. And then it becomes a state of being. And then it's still a constant practice. People who meditate, meditate every day for a reason. People who work out, work out every day for a reason. People who eat healthy, eat healthy every day for a reason. Right?
Brandy (30:12.692)
No.
Yes.
Holly Bertone (30:38.666)
So gratitude just becomes a part of your being and helps to build that fortitude for when the next things happen.
Brandy (30:48.415)
That's a really great takeaway, great lesson to learn. I know there's so many people like myself who are struggling and learning these things are difficult. But I like the way you put it. For somebody like me, I can relate to anything training because I love running. It's never gonna stop. Even though today, with my health, running is very painful and very slow, it's very difficult.
Holly Bertone (31:07.755)
Yeah.
Brandy (31:16.203)
but I still love it and it brings me a lot of joy. So when you say a training plan, I think yes, I know how to do that. I could put together a training plan because it's how I know things. So when you relate it to things like that, it makes it far more digestible and something that I can understand to know that this is something that I have to think about on a long-term basis and my life isn't gonna change because I do one, because I make that list of three things one day and now it's all better.
Holly Bertone (31:43.86)
Yep.
Brandy (31:45.915)
No, it's not. It takes a lot of work and training to get yourself to that better place.
Holly Bertone (31:52.566)
Yeah, do we have time for a quick story? Okay, so this was a few years ago and I was in the middle of really into this gratitude thing and kind of learning how it works and really be deep in changing everything with gratitude. And this was the first time that I really saw it come to life. And at the time, husband of my ex and I were traveling across country. We were in the middle of nowhere and we were trying to find a hotel to stop at. So it was like the middle of...
Brandy (31:54.859)
quick one, yes.
Holly Bertone (32:21.954)
I don't know, Kansas or something. And we get there and it was like seven o'clock at night. The room wasn't ready. You know, like, oh, it's gonna be a long wait. And so we get the room and it was middle of summer, 90 degrees outside, the air conditioner was broken. So we walk in the room and it was that like squish, like when the floor is soaking wet. Yeah, that noise was, yeah. I don't even wanna think about the mold, but it was just like, so we go down, we're like.
Brandy (32:37.063)
Oh no.
Holly Bertone (32:49.622)
The air conditioner is broken. He's like, I'm sorry, we don't have any other rooms. And we're like, okay, we go back up. And they didn't have a towel. They didn't have any towels. We just wanted to take a shower. They didn't have a, so we go back down. And my husband at the time was like, he was just like ready to see this, you know, five foot nothing, redhead, just exorcist level fireworks. Cause that's how I was. I was that person. Like I was super calm, cool and collective, but.
Brandy (32:59.965)
Oh my.
Mm.
Brandy (33:15.476)
Oh, yeah.
Holly Bertone (33:18.486)
once that switch happened, it was just like, you know, completely out of control.
Brandy (33:22.207)
that switch. Talk about that for hours, I'm sure.
Holly Bertone (33:26.214)
Yeah, so we go down, he's just like along for, he just wants entertainment value at this point, right? Like he just wants to see the fiery little redhead just go explosive on this poor manager. And we go down and he was like, I am so sorry, we don't have any towels. Like I'm sorry about the air conditioner, I'm sorry about the towels. Like it was just one of those days at the hotel, I guess something happened. And you wanna know the words that came out of my mouth. They were not explosive. They were not yelling, screaming, out of control emotions.
Brandy (33:31.447)
Hmm.
Holly Bertone (33:55.954)
It was, I'm sorry you had a bad day. I'm just grateful to have a roof over my head. We'll figure it out. You just wanna get a good night's sleep and I hope your day goes better.
Brandy (34:06.995)
Oh, now that's a testimonial.
Holly Bertone (34:09.354)
And I'm like, and the second like it came out and I was like, wait, who, wait, who, what? What just happened? And even my husband was like, who are you?
Brandy (34:20.639)
That's a good life.
Holly Bertone (34:22.058)
And that's when I realized, you know, this is how this works. It's not like one day you're just going to wake up and like flip a switch and, you know, gratitude's there. It's gradual, it's over time, but that switch does happen. And it's when gratitude goes from something that you do to who you become. And once that switch is made in your brain, those, those neurons are wired permanently and it's who you become. And it's much better on the side.
Brandy (34:50.963)
can't think of a better testimonial and a better wrap up to, you know, why is gratitude important in that story? Because honestly, I know that switch, I have that switch, I have frightened many people in my life. And being able to go from that to that response is pretty tremendous. That is a testimonial that really tells us everything we need to know about.
what can happen if you use gratitude.
Holly Bertone (35:24.343)
Yeah.
Brandy (35:25.515)
So Holly, tell me, how can my listeners find you?
Holly Bertone (35:28.806)
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much. And yeah, while you're listening to this podcast, whatever platform, just hop on over to the gratitude builds fortitude podcast and just start at the top and find an episode that really speaks to you. I've got one coming out on toxic gratitude and that one's going to be a little salacious. And yeah, that's probably the best way. Also Instagram, I answer all of my DMs myself. It's not someone on my team.
Brandy (35:44.983)
Mmm.
I'm looking forward to that one.
Holly Bertone (35:56.758)
So holly.berton, B-E-R-T-O-N-E. So you can check me out on Instagram and say hello over there. And also there's a quiz. You can find out your gratitude personality. And I'm sure we'll leave the link in the show notes to that as well.
Brandy (36:12.491)
Yes, definitely. Well, thank you so much. This has been an amazing episode and I really appreciate you joining us and sharing so much of your knowledge. It's so helpful, thank you.
Holly Bertone (36:25.09)
Thank you, Brandy, so much for having me on, and I really look forward to connecting with your listeners.
Brandy (36:30.152)
Yes.