Interview with Fred Diamond, Author of Love, Hope, Lyme

This week I interview Fred Diamond, author and podcast host of Love, Hope, Lyme. He discusses what he has learned about being a caregiver to someone with a chronic illness and what he has learned about Lyme.

Transcript

brandy:

Hi, this is Brandy Schantz, and you're listening to Living Chronic today. I'm speaking with Fred Diamond, author of the book Love Hope, Lime, and also podcast host of the same name, Love Hope and Lime, thank you for being with me, Fred.

fred_diamond:

Brandy, it's great to see you again. Thank you for the invitation.

brandy:

So I'm really excited that you're here because you are a care giver, a family member, if you will, and I just think it's so important to bring the care givers bring the family members bring the love ones. And because you're just a part of our support group, your rock your our team mate Through all of this, whatever that may look like, you know that point in time, and of course it looks different at different points in time, So watch, tell me a little bit about your stories being a care giver, a family member, a lime supporter line, you know, Disease supporter,

fred_diamond:

Yeah, so my book Love Hope Lime with family members, partners and friends who have a chronic lime survivor came out in August of twenty twenty two, and my story is a slightly different. I had a person in my life who I knew had lime disease and I paid attention to what this person was going through, and I was very supportive and aware about nineteen months ago again we're doing today's interview, and in March of twenty twenty three, but in the spring of twenty twenty on, This person who was very close to me decided it was time for her to pursue her healing independently and had chosen to move into a different situation to really focus on hundred percent taking care of her lime situation. At that point, I said I need to know more about this, So I read every book that I could find on Amazon. Join Facebook groups, Google Lime. Whatever line warrior, Lime survivor talked to anybody I knew who ever uttered the word lime and brandy. The thing that I realized was I only knew ten percent of what I know now, and trust me, I was a very devoted participant in this person's life to insure that not just the line but that we had fun. You know that

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

we did things, and you know, really optimized what what life was making available to us. But then when I started doing the research and I understood what what lime survivors go through, specifically Article Lime survivors, Like I said, I realized I had no idea. So I wrote an article for Lime disease Dot, or which, prior to this research I didn't even know existed. It was something. The article is something like how to be supportive when your partner has chronic lime. Next thing I knew, I got five hundred people reaching out to me That the article got like a thousand downloads, Lime disease, Dot, or re, ran the article. I think four times in total got something like five thousand downloads. People reached out and said, You know you need to write more. You should expand this into a book. So I did. I wrote the book Love Help line, like I mentioned, and I now have like two thousand new Facebook friends. I have people all over the world, Brandy who reach out to me asking for advice and I like to tell them I'm a history major with an M. B, A go final. I'm literate medical doctor. Here's my general recommendations for someone who doesn't have the disease.

brandy:

I think that's great. There's so much that he. We don't know when we become ill. So to have a supporter who, who spends so much time you know, learning about what you're going through? I think it's just amazing because it's so hard to even just vocalize and put into words what we feel sometimes and you know your experience is not. I don't think unusual. I hear it from a lot of people. I've felt it most. Ef. there's a bit of disease. guilt. If you will, you know, when I married my husband, I did not have currants disease. I was a very healthy and vibrant young woman who was very independent and could do anything and everything on earth, And then suddenly I was a woman who needed his help getting to the hospital quickly or cleaning up, or you know, just just doing basic things. So I think you've heard this Thing for many people where there is a bit of guilt that people feel that you're taking away from someone else. Is that correct?

fred_diamond:

Absolutely. So what happened was when I, when this particular person in my life said that she needed to pursue her healing independently on her own. I, then Google Lime disease Spouse, And

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

you know how like when you google something, there's like a million pages.

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

You know you, Google the weather this week end. there's like ten million pages. I, Google Lime disease, that spouse, A lime disease and spouse, two pages came up, and it was the same article from two thousand and fourteen And it was a. It was written by a lime disease survivor talking about her guilt. guilty that I'm not a better spouse Am guilty. I'm not a better parent, a better friend, a better employee, a better daughter, and I was like. What is going on here?

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

The other thing I began to notice as well is when I jumped up on all these Facebook groups and I was an active Facebook group reserve, Because of you know my business, and I have a lot of friends, and I googled where I should say, I typed in lime into Facebook And there's like a thousand Facebook groups devoted to Lime and some of them have twenty thirty thousand participants.

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

Some have like five hundred thousand, Nd. I started like logging into these groups, joining these groups and the reason that I really pursued writing the book, and now, of course the podcast Love Hill Line was, Every day I would see two posts my spouse left me, or

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

my family doesn't care, or my parents don't believe me or my friends. You know, my friends have left me and I would see this H. two three times a day, and I would then put the post to the The link to the article I had written for Lime disease, Dot, or how to be a support. I said, I didn't realize this was a problem. I wrote this article to help people understand how their love ones needed to be supported, and all of a sudden people were reaching out to me. Oh my God, thank you for writing this article. No one believes us. Nobody cares. You know, lime is an invisible disease. A lot of the chronic illnesses are, so it's not like you know you see someone walked around with crutches or anything. So you know you don't people say, Don't believe us, people say, Why aren't you able to work? And then people would say on these posts my spouse left, because he would say, or she would say, I need you to work. Or why are you always in bed or you're not the person who I met? You know, five, ten years ago,

brandy:

Yeah,

fred_diamond:

I missed when we would go out and all Those types of things, And what I had found Is it? People weren't saying. I'm making this conscious decision. It was the overwhelming fatigue, the stress, the pain that, in my particular case chronic lime was doing. so I said this, This ain't right. Someone told

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

me as I was writing the book that seventy five per cent of relationships had ended because of with chronic Im survivors, and someone also said ninety five percent of those the ending with As by the spouse who said the same for me. You know

brandy:

Hm.

fred_diamond:

I didn't buy into this. you know, nice to know a type of a thing, and you know I wrote the book to bring people together To bring some piece to share some insights that I had learned in all the research I had done.

brandy:

And I'm glad you did that because and the statistics are a little bit different for each chronic illness, but I've noticed a very similar crones disease. Kalidas. You know, there's just so much that interrupts a life and there's nothing to prepare your spouse or love one for what's about to come and change. I'm about to reveal a little dirty secret of mind. I like the real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but you know what, There's some good stuff that comes out of there. When Linda, he did was on that show. She has chronic lime and it was the best representation of what a real lime disease sufferer goes through. I think I've ever seen her friend's question whether it was real. Lisarenna tried to accuse her of having lunch house in syndrome. Her husband did end up leavng. She, you know, tried to understand, Hey, I'm not the woman that I used to be, but it was just the best representation of lime of many diseases, I felt, and I would That. even if you don't necessarily like the house wives, I wish everybody could watch that, or at the very least read your book, because it's so true. this is exactly what we go through.

fred_diamond:

Well, you know, the summer of twenty twenty one, I read forty books, including her book

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

and I was not. I didn't, particularly, was a fan of the T V show, But it really don't matter. She went through. You know, it's funny when I decided to write my book, there were three types of books Brandy that I was able to read. The First were books that were about you know, like an inch and a half thick, written by doctors,

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

Richard Harwich wrote. How how can I get better? Daniel Kindolayrer wrote a great book, But you know they went through almost like the entire history of lime. Every possible thing that could. happy To you. all the co infections which I didn't even know existed. You know, the average tick. Lime is a tick board illness. The average tick can transmit as many as three dozen

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

diseases. You know, Lime is the most popular. but then

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

there's like Bartnelabis, They all have different functions and different ways of interacting. Then I saw the books like Linda Deeds book and Tommy Hill Figgers daughter, All Hill Figure wrote a book, and I call those books my, My Battle with the Tick books. You know,

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

here's one. I. I had. these problems took me ten years to get diagnosed with lime. I finally was diagnosed. Then here's all the treatment. Here's how people interacted with me, and then the third category of books where mindfulness and lime, quito, and lime, meditation and lie, herbs and lime, and my book Pin fell into that category. You know, I wrote it. It's about a hundred and fifty pages. I wrote it to be read in an hour, an hour and a half.

brandy:

And you can I did it.

fred_diamond:

Thank you. And the reason was you know I was with someone with line for twelve years, and I thought I knew everything. And the

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

way I I summarized at Brandy, ad, You and I've talked about this is that my job was to keep this particular person out of stress

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

and no, where the best glutanfreepizo was because,

brandy:

Outstanding,

fred_diamond:

But then, when I, again, when I started doing the research and I realized there was so many more things to it, I said people got to know this and here's the thing, too. A lot of back to the guilt word. What

brandy:

Hm.

fred_diamond:

I noticed was a lot of the people participating In the various Facebook groups, And then of course I moved on to Instangram, Instagram, and and other places read. It actually has eleven thousand people.

brandy:

It is a trusser trove of information.

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

It really

fred_diamond:

someone

brandy:

is.

fred_diamond:

said Yeah, Some said you should do some posting eleven thousand people in in the lime group. The thing that I wanted to tell these people was they, You might be feeling guilty, but not everybody who loves you is seeing you the way that you're seeing yourself. You

brandy:

Hm.

fred_diamond:

know, there's the expression. When you have your health, you could do a million things,

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

and when you don't have your health, you can only think of one thing. I never thought of this particular person is being sick. you know, I just thought. Okay. Well, she has line, and if there were moments when she needed to be left alone or to rest, Okay, you know, go rest.

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

you know. not everyone's thinking I'm out of here. You know. you're not the woman or man who you are. This isn't what I want. A Lot of the people that you're in love with and you're in relationship with they want to care. But but they don't know.

brandy:

Right,

fred_diamond:

You know. Originally I wrote the book for the care givers and that's a word. By the way that I never even Now existed prior to writing this book. But I wrote the book for the spouses, the partners, the boy friends, the girl, friends, children, parents to help them understand, And I didn't expect too many people with lime to want to read the book, but a lot of them have read it and said to me, You helped me understand how I need to communicate how I want to be supported,

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

so that I now know I can ask for this type of support and not Depend on my loved ones to know how they should be supporting me. That was an eye opener for me.

brandy:

You know, at the end of every podcast or somewhere you know each episode. I asked. What do you wish you knew when you were first diagnosed when you first started this job? When you, whatever it may be, And you know there's just so many good ones. I hope I can continue this podcast for years and put this in a book because it's so good, but one of the many many is, I wish I had known that this is forever disease. This will affect Life, and I need to communicate to my husband and bring him in and say we've got to be a team. Things are going to change. They're not all going to be bad, but we need to be a team and I think that would have just done wonders because of course I went through it like well, I'll be fine. I'll just figure everything out on my own. trudge forward power through. No need to worry about me, Steve. I've got it and that was just the wrong answer. Um, so you know, thank you for really putting that out there, because I think it's Just probably one of the best lessons to learn. your

fred_diamond:

Well,

brandy:

spouse, your team mate, your families, your team mates.

fred_diamond:

But you know you raise a really a really good point and I, I own a business. It's called the Institute for Excellence in sales and large companies with sales organizations are my customers, and we do programs for them. So in business If there is any problem, you get the team together. You know you were in the military. You how to figure this out.

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

You know it's like. Okay, what is the problem? Well, we need to get ten more clients. Okay, Bill, what do Ou think we should do in custom Service? So in marketing, What are some things we should do? Let's get into a conference room. Let's build a plan. Here's our plan to get to ten more customers, and let's get this plan implemented every Tuesday morning At nine, We're going to check it out. We're going to see where we are and sure enough, we're going to get to ten ware customers. Well, putting together a similar plan for treating a disease like lime disease or many other chronic illnesses, It ain't work that way right. You

brandy:

Yeah,

fred_diamond:

know you can, but here's the tin. though you could break an ankle. Every orthopedic surgeon on the planet is going to get you some x rays. They're going to probably put you in a cast. They're going to say, sit on your butt for six weeks and go binge. you know, breaking bad or whatever, were, then going to take the cast off and remove the boot. You're goin to go through Re had for two weeks. Then you're going to be Find, every or the peticsurgen on the

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

planet. Doesn't matter if they were in New Jersey or Howie, or wherever they may be. Sydney, Australia, with lime and other chronic illnesses, Everrybodys History is different. Everybody's the way that their life has brought them to that moment, the way they've treated themselves. You know, there's no pill for lime. I viewed this before I understood what was going on that. Okay, you're gonna put a similar plan in place.

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

Here's the plan. We're going to follow it three weeks later. You're goin to be recovering from lime. What do you want for dinner?

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

It ain't worked that way and I didn't know that. And one of the messages I get in the book is is that is That? Um, You know we want to. We want to show the person in our life that we love them,

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

And that means curing them or helping them get past this. In some cases, it means I don't want to be limited by saying, just being there, but understanding what they're going through reading. Read my book, you know. I mean it was written to be read. you

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

know in a short amount of time, to at least understand that there are co infections And that there's a healing process. One of my chapters in my book is the sixth step healing process and it's not prescriptive like it's different for everybody, but almost like it was based on Elizabeth Coblarosses, six stages of death and dying or five stages, And there's a process that you need to get through and there's a lot of people who have gone through that process and are living full and beautiful lives.

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

not based on the on the disease.

brandy:

You're absolutely correct. And those are the things that you know. I want to remind myself, and I want to remind my listeners. There's hope it's going to be okay. I'm hoping to get one of my neighbors on. She has you see, and she's a very successful executive. Gets out every morning. Does a big job is doing great. I think the thing that we forget is, I think most of us think like you. I thought the same thing, sort of my husband. when I was diagnosed to a treatment plan. We're just going Move on when there was no set schedule and treatment planet. What do you mean you don't know if this is going to work? What do Ou mean? it may stop working if it does, And I've told this story a few times, but it's something I'll never forget during a really really bad crones Flair for me When I was in and out of the hospital a lot. I lost a lot about my life. I was, you know, buddy, buddy, right, going to Walter Read hospital with a friend of mine because she had Um. trying. Remember, I think it was cervical cancer, but I remember her saying to me one day as we were driving to Walter Read, she said You know Brandy. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm so thankful I have cancer. Instead of what you have. Mine is going O, be gone in six months and it's done. I ring the bell and move on. You're never going to leave this for the rest of your life. I thought Yeah, you know you're right, but it's one of those ugly truths you need to face first so that you can move on and do things You know I talk to your spouse about. Well, you know, maybe I'm feeling well enough. We can go on vacation. But if we have to cancel the outing to you know, go hiking. Maybe you know you can be okay with that, or maybe you can have a plan be where you go with a group and let me just sit back and do my thing. You know, you just have to accommodate your viewpoint on life, because it's you're just never going to get that six months treatment plan

fred_diamond:

You know,

brandy:

right,

fred_diamond:

I want to enton a couple other things at that trigger. and thank you for that great story, People in your life. And this is the message specifically for those with chronic Nes line. Whatever might be people who are listening to the show. Who who have gone through what you're going through and will continue? Um, we don't resent you. You know, your spouses

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

family members. I talked to a bunch of line survivors and I've spoken to two thousand people over the last two years since I've been thinking about this and discovering this and writing this book. Most of the conversations, of course, where via be a text message or Facebook messager or Somehi, And even on Linkeden, get a whole bunch of people and they would say you know my spouse resents me for having this disease because we can't go dancing every Saturday like we did when we were in our twenties. We don't resent you. You know, we don't maybe understand everything

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

that you're going through it, doesn't we don't? truly? It's It's like people say you don't get lime until you get lime. Probably the same thing with our chronic illnesses and

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

you know you don't want to get, but you're not really going to understand it until you truly have it. You could Feel the pain. I mean, people have said to me. You can't imagine the fatigue. It's not just like G. I had a tough day. I'm going to pop in front of the couch, and you know, watch the Cardachians or whatever. It's like an excruciable pain. But here's another little thing, too. You mentioned. you're the woman who you were going to Walter. Read with, Um, I do a podcast as well. It's on sales. Performance Is called

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

the sales game changers When I discovered this and I became familiar with what was going on With Chronic Lime, et Cetera Every tenth show or so, I would have somebody like your friend, who was a V P of sales, who also had chronical emdisease, and I would talk

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

about how they succeeded even with chronic lime disease, Because a lot of people just can't get out of bed. A lot of people can't work.

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

A Lot of people have horrible anxiety, which causes them to shelter at home if you will, not just because of the of the last three years, but just because they. just, they just don't have the energy or Or whatever

brandy:

Yeah,

fred_diamond:

to get out. But I've interviewed these people and Eve had to truly manage their actions, so for example, I interviewed this one woman who's a V P of sales, and she said, Five o'clock every day. I'm done not doing emails, not doing work.

brandy:

Good

fred_diamond:

I'm

brandy:

for her

fred_diamond:

done on weekends. I'm not doing work. I might lay in bed and read,

brandy:

Good.

fred_diamond:

but yeah, I ain't going to the office. I ain't traveling and I'm still a high performer,

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

But because I'm living within the realm of what I can and can't do, and it's not easy. You know, you have to figure out what that point is. but the message here is is you can still live a very fruitful life. I'm not going to say everybody can. What's wrong with you for saying you can't work? I'm not going there at all,

brandy:

Right,

fred_diamond:

but I am saying that there are people who have been able to live fruitful amazing lives and they have chronic some kind of chronic illness.

brandy:

You're right and sometimes that changes from time to time. I. when I was first diagnosed, I had to make a career switch because I couldn't do what I was doing and accommodate my illness, But I made that career switch and I did great, and then I came to a point where things were so bad I couldn't work at all, and I used to joke when people had asked me. What do you mean? You're fatigued and I said Well, honestly, I thought I was narcoleptic, And then the doctor

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

explained to me, No, you do not have anarcolepsy. You have fatigue.

fred_diamond:

Oh,

brandy:

Okay, because you know, just fall asleep wherever it was.

fred_diamond:

Right,

brandy:

Um, but then again I jumped back up and I'm right back into the game And you know I talked about this a lot with Heather, Boo, Somebody

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

who did a friend of mine. She did my podcast, probably for five weeks ago, and she talked about how when she was down, she'd still get some work done, but she was very clear with her boss. Hey, I'm a salaried employee. I'm not required to give U. X number of hours per. If you an output and I did my work.

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

Um, and those are things I think s important to remember. You know you can still work. If you can't. you can always come back and I wish you know. I hope there's some employers out there listening to my podcast as well, because I think so often employers see somebody who had to leave work for a medical condition for a period of time, and they think well, hands off that one.

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

And now you know, hire the disabled person. Who, who needed some time off. you know

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

that it might be your best employee. I mean my goodness, Everybody I know who suffers from a chronic illness is the toughest bird you'd ever want to know.

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

You know.

fred_diamond:

I have a question for you. What do you believe about things like mind set or mind over matter? I've had varying degrees and and many people I've spoken to some people say my mind set got me through. I shifted from being sick, were

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

always being ill to being whatever it might be. And then there's other people who have said it's not about mind set. the disease. Chronic illness can be so overwhelming that you could be Meditating montroizing all day long and it's not going to make a difference.

brandy:

I think both are true. I think both are true. I've gotten through you know, and Im one of those people that likes to journal. and when I wake up in the morning I want to write down. You know my aspirations for the day. I will you have a good attitude. I will do everything I can you know beyond you know, within reason, Um, do my best to do this. I'm going to feel great about this. You know, I like positive affirmations that being said when I'm really sick, you know, I can mind Said all day long, and I'm just you know my body is only going let do what it's going to do, So I try to remember that that it's not always my fault. You know, my husband tells me the same thing. I'm ridiculously resilient and I think most of us are. It's amazing how I bounced back from pretty much everything. I'll get in the worst funk and be so depressed. and then two hours later I'm like Okay, I try that again. I'll be fine.

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

I'll get up. Don't worry about me. It's amazing what you can bounce back with, but I think it takes both. I mean,

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

if you're sick, you're sick

fred_diamond:

you know I've heard that, too.

brandy:

on yourself.

fred_diamond:

it's like. Yeah, I mean in the sales world where my profession is, we talk about mind set a lot and it's like I use the example before. Okay, we need ten more clients. Well, you know, we got to think as if we deserve those ten clients and every morning we have to get up thinking What do we need to do? And it's five o'clock. It's like you know, Should we retire, go home. now. Let's work another hour. Let's put our mind set into. We're providing so much value et cetera and I believe in that. obviously, But I have heard from a lot of people with chronic illness since the book has come out before, and I was doing the research where they said, Sometimes a lot of times the illness is just so overwhelming

brandy:

My

fred_diamond:

that you, you try, but then the next thing you know, you're in bed for three days. And so it was also a message I communicated in the book too. Is that all of the a lot of people said You know. It's like all the support. You know you can do it. You can get past this. You know, you're bigger than the S. In some cases they didn't want to hear that, because

brandy:

No,

fred_diamond:

the reality is I'm not bigger than the disease, especially when it's flaring, and especially when it's you know. the stressful moments or whatever in the pain becomes beyond what we talked about before. So you know it's It's a delicate balance. I'm hoping again that the book is going to bring some piece to a troubled community. If anything, I gave had so many people who reached out and said, I'm going to be sending this to ordering copies for My nephew and from my sister, who I've been spoken to in five years, who doesn't believe me and Et cetera et cetera, et cetera, so hopefully we're providing some degree difference

brandy:

I think

fred_diamond:

there.

brandy:

it's great and you know I think it applies to other diseases as well when you're a character or you're a character, and especially when it comes to auto immune diseases, Chronic illness as thing illness is, People don't know much about. I don't know if I told you, but pretty recently I was diagnosed with Long covid. The universe decided I had not had enough, but there's a lot they don't know about it. They're experimenting

fred_diamond:

Yes,

brandy:

with drugs for it, but they don't know if they really work. I'm not even a candidate because of how badly I reacted to my himera, So you know there's all of these diseases out there that there's not much known about that you can't cure that are chronic, and I think that you know your book is just really amazing for anybody who knows someone who's going through this so that you can better support them and understand, I think so often people think they're helping when they're not, or they just kind of shut down because they don't know what to say, Kay,

fred_diamond:

Yeah, I mean, that's a great point, and you know when I, I'd like to say you know. Two years ago I knew one person with chronic lime disease, and now I know thousands, and I've had people who reached out to me. I'll give you. I'll share one interesting example. There was a people want to talk about this. You know, people who do love somebody. they are afraid because not everyone is as familiar with this and they don't want to do the wrong thing for the person that they love because they've tried to do things and We're shunted because that's not what the person needed at that moment. Type of a

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

thing mentioned. I run a company is called the Instuforexlets and sales. My customers are v Ps of sales of companies, And there was one guy that I was trying to get to for ten years and we know each other, but I've never been able to get him to become a customer. I've been posting brandy all the time about my book every day on Facebook. I do two types of posts. I do. I go to someone house who I'm friends with or to

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

the Fice or wherever. I give him a copy of my book, and I say, let me take a picture of you reading the book, and I do that all the time. I have two copies of my. I also read a sales book. I have my sales book in the line book, Always in my car. You know, I'm not going to hand it to a guy at Wegmants to take a picture, but I thought about it,

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

but basically this guy said to me. He said you. Ow. I noticed at you've been posting a lot about But wine disease. What is the story? And we talked like this for about fifteen minutes about My example. When he said to me, he said, My son's thirty two. He has chronic line. He hasn't left his room in three years. he can't work. He's not who he was. I really appreciate that you being public with this because nobody is you know there. It's kind of unbelievable to me, Brandy that I'm the first person to write a book from this angle. Like

brandy:

Right,

fred_diamond:

I mentioned, There's a bunch of doctors books and first person books that no one had thought of writing a book from the partner. Give her spouse angle, But he said to me, he told me his story and he said, I really appreciate that you're doing this. And then he said, Tell me more about what's going on with the Instuefor, Excellence and sales, and we started talking about the business, But that's not why I wrote the book, but I've heard from so many people who have said my wife's sister in law has lime disease, and someone said to me, Today we're doing this interview in early marked, someone said to me, It wasn't until I read your book that I understood all the implications of lime So many ways that impacts people. he said, I just thought it was just went after your joints, and a lot of people think it looks like it looks like arthritis. And you know just one other quick things for the people listening out there. There's two parts that I've discovered of this journey. There's what's wrong with me, journey. It's like I have all these problems. Nobody understands what it is being miss, diagnosed time and time again From so many people who said, And this is important for the charegivers. So many people who said to me, They went to ten doctors, twenty doctors. The last one that they went to said We can't find anything wrong with you. You may want to see a psychiatrist

brandy:

Oh,

fred_diamond:

or there's something wrong and I'm sure you could you can relate to that,

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

But then there is someone who said you know. Have you heard of lime disease? Because everything you're telling me and this just might be a nurse, Might be a physician and assistant. Maybe As a doctor who said, I think you might have this thing called the lime disease, And then the problem is, it's very hard to test,

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

but let's say they make the determination. And then I met so many people who are like, Thank God, it's lime disease, And then the problem happens because there's the second half of your journey, which is there in no easy way to

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

cure lime disease like we talked before. It's not a two week. take a process, especially when it gets to that point. I mean, you could take if you're if you discover it Pretty quickly, Like maybe the day after you went on a hike and you have some pain and you joint or biting and you see a rash.

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

You know, then you do some antibiotics. You probably should be okay. We estimated, or I read a state where there's like five million people on the planet who are at the chronic stage where it's control. It's try to get into remission. There's no cure Perse. So it's it's a. It's a conundrum at the challenging disease, and I applaud you for Ou know, having a platform To talk about your journey, which is quite remarkable, and to bring on other people who can give some insight Because everybody s looking for answers

brandy:

They are.

fred_diamond:

and I'm still amazed. I jump up on Facebook and track some of the groups. People are asking questions that I've seen asked a hundred times and people are saying Hey, I heard about this particular treatment. What is your experience? and then somebody will say It's saved my life than the next person says it didn't work. Then the next person says I just started, but I'm feeling better than the next person says. I did it for a month. It made me worse. It's such a horrible horrible situation to be in

brandy:

It really isn't It's difficult. last week. My podcast was with Dr. Bruce Care,

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

potemic psychiatry. You know him just as well as I do, brilliant man, and he said something that really stuck with me because as you're doing more research on things like my disease line disease, others, it's this um meeting of your own, D n your own genetics, your own experiences in life that meet environment you've been in, And then, of course, how you treat your body, how you feed your body, and he said, Just say to people. It's not me. it's my d n A. and

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

I love that you know, because it does affect each one of us differently. Um, there's theory we have. It looks pretty strong if you asked me when you have tens of thousands of veterans coming home after serving next to burn pits. suddenly having B. D. Eureka. it was probably the burn pits, but they're

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

doing more researches shows that Yeah, it was the burn pits and not everybody got it because it depended upon your genetics, your d n

fred_diamond:

Yes,

brandy:

A, and

fred_diamond:

yes,

brandy:

then being next to the burn pits. so somebody else who didn't have the same Dan or genetics came out not necessarily find, but maybe they didn't get I, B. d, Um, so I think that's important that we do share and talk about it because most people don't talk about it and they don't know you. just the doctor. Might you diagnose you? We all know It can take years to get there and sometimes you know, I fear seen certain doctors I've seen before because I knew I've walked out in an office in a tiff. But

fred_diamond:

M.

brandy:

M,

fred_diamond:

hm,

brandy:

it's difficult and we just want answers and meeting each other, getting together and talking about these things. it's helpful. it's educational and frankly it's like a big warm hug. It's like my people. for

fred_diamond:

No, that's great. I mean. yeah, at. I've I observed a lot of these Facebook groups and I kind of keep my arms distance because I don't have lime. and you know I don't want to chime in based on something I've heard without having

brandy:

Hm.

fred_diamond:

experience. But Ah, so many people have I see the embrace with each other like you said, The warm hugs. The you know and the other thing too. I'll share what I think When I started seeing, there was two types of posts I would say, which led me to really want to do the book. I felt it was needed. There was the ones I told you where people say Nobody cares. My family haven't seen him in years. I'm going to spend Thanksgiving alone. My spouse left me bla bla Bla, And you know what, the other ones? I saw Brandy. That really kept me going. I saw a post and I hate saying this, But it was June of twenty, Twenty Two Was right before my book came out, I saw someone post on one of the Facebook groups. Somebody, please, P. M. The easiest way to take my life, because

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

I can't take this anymore. and the outpouring to post that on Facebook.

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

You know that you, And you know people have said that number one cause of death with some of these ill, specifically lime is is taking your own life, Because there's there's no easy way you deal with that, I'm sure, and it's it's heart breaking, But that's part of the reason why I wrote the book. It amazes me that I wrote a book with the word loving the title, You know, and the response that the people have have shown me people that are so kind all around the world. My book was reviewed by the Lime Disease Associate, And of Australia, and I have ll these people to reaching out, But I'm not saying that to to post. I'm just saying that It's it made me aware that there's so many people who are struggling with so many things, And the message to the people reading my book is this person is like this, because there, bit by a tick,

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

you know, the person you love your spouse, the mother of your children. She don't wake up one day and say I'm going O be a difficult woman Because I want to be a difficult woman, or I want to go through this struggle with Health Has been by a tick

brandy:

Uh,

fred_diamond:

on a hike

brandy:

yeah,

fred_diamond:

in Colorado or New Jersey or Martha's Vineyard. A tick. you know the day Lama said, And I have this quote in my book, I love everything in this world except for ticks. So

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

it's just show the love and understand how you could be of better support to someone you love

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

to someone you love. And there's a lot Great people like your husband who support

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

people. And I've met so many people who have said. You know, I don't need to read your book because my husband is there for me and my parents love me. Good. great,

brandy:

You know, I think

fred_diamond:

but

brandy:

it's

fred_diamond:

there's

brandy:

great.

fred_diamond:

so many people.

brandy:

Honestly, I think it's a great book for everybody to read. not because you know my husband's always love me, but because it's a traumatic event and I think that's something that took me some years myself to understand.

fred_diamond:

Yes,

brandy:

this is traumatic.

fred_diamond:

yes,

brandy:

This is a change in your entire life. You have lost your entire life as you once knew it, whether you know it or not,

fred_diamond:

Yes,

brandy:

Maybe you're in remission today. Maybe you won't be later. Maybe you feel good right now, maybe not later. And to deal with a trauma like that, it Take learning. It takes growth. it takes you know, understanding what you're about to go through and it takes so much communication. My husband and I have had a lot of ups and downs over the past ten years, and a lot of it comes from. We need to communicate. We need. How do you care for me? How do I care for you?

fred_diamond:

Yeah,

brandy:

You know, how do I let go of my guilt? How do you understand how the best to support me and that constant communication is just so important for that relationship between patient and care giver. It really is.

fred_diamond:

You know. it's you. just raise a great point. It's you know, we talk a lot about communication and then the business world. Of course, you, with your background, communication is critically important,

brandy:

Yeah,

fred_diamond:

or else people are going to die. You know, in the business world, If you don't communicate, and there's so many I do linked in post every day, related to sales once a week, I do one as it relates to lime disease to spread the word. but we talk about asking questions. You know, simple forms of communication and like a hundred people comment. Oh my God, I need to ask better questions. You know,

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

you would think by now in twenty twenty three that we would have figured all this stuff out, But but we haven't, and you know most people they, I found they want to support the person that they love. But there's so much ignorance. it's It's so challenging. The person like you just said, you went through a hugely dramatic event that you didn't plan. You didn't say, When you became twenty one years old, I'm going to have Crone's disease and I'm going to be in the military and I'm going to create a podcast.

brandy:

Right,

fred_diamond:

You know all of a sudden. For whatever God given reason, the people who are listening to the show and you and the thousands of people I've met something unplanned happened.

brandy:

Hm.

fred_diamond:

I've met a lot of people who are who. Once they've gotten to the place of acceptance, they'll say they're grateful for their chronic illness because it helped them become a better communicator. helped them better appreciate The good things in life. But there's nobody I've met who said I want to get a chronic illness so that I can appreciate more things

brandy:

No,

fred_diamond:

in life. zero point zero people.

brandy:

I would give this up to just take a class any day. Let me take.

fred_diamond:

Yes,

brandy:

I'll get a whole degree and I just just don't make me have recurrent disease. So I mean, obviously you've learned a lot. You wrote a great book. What would be the number one piece of advice you would give a care giver What's the one thing you really wish you knew when you first became a care giver

fred_diamond:

Yeah, I went to that in two different ways. One is, I really didn't understand the breath of this particular disease, chronical and disease, and trust me, I was very committed to to a particular person and I just I thought I knew.

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

I thought I knew I thought it was about stress and keep this person out of stress. I didn't know. And this relates to like, like crones and other chronic illnesses. There's so much more to it than what you see, and I'm not going to recommend I read forty books in the summer of twenty twenty one. I literally, when I was done reading the books, I went to the Facebook groups, and I would say, Does anybody want my copy of Richard Harwits's How can I get better? I read it. I didn't need to have a book shelf of all these books because I was never going to read him again. I wanted them to get into the hands of people and people would you know, say I would love it, And if ten people said they would love it, I would go to Amazon. Send a copy, you know to them a few. Well, so you don't need to do what I do. You don't need to read forty books to understand what your love one is going through, but I would say take your knowledge up a couple of notches, Ou,

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

give an example. I thought that the only disease I knew line was a tick born illness. I thought that was it. Now. I know there's close to three dozen other tick born illnesses, some which are quite horrific, Martinel. but basis, they all have their own treatment plan. They all ave their own symptoms, so I would say take it up a notch. You know I need to do was read one book. you know, Maybe join the Facebook group and just pay attention to what people are saying and and give your your loved one the opportunity to tell you how they need to be supported on. You can't dictate, sweetheart. This is what we're going to do to cure you, because it ain't going to happen. You don't know his or her body, so you need to let them tell you. And the last bit of advice. I was very fortunate to have Richard Harwits, who's probably the foremost lime doctor on the planet. his team heard. I was doing the book Uh, Mother's Day of twenty twenty two on my computer, And there's an email from Dr. Richard Harwits And he wrote the forward to my book With

brandy:

M.

fred_diamond:

I asked for a quote. He wrote this unbelievable forward and he said, You know the whole concept of love and how important it is and he said, At the very end he said, You know, Have hope, be loved with Or medical treatment. You know you can't just like. Have hope. you can't just be loved. You got to treat it.

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

You know it is a disease. There's the perplexity is. how do you do the treatment? But like you talked before, everybody is different. Every history is different What you've gone through in your life. One o the things I just want to throw out there. I actually listened to a webinar that Dr. Hardwods did in summer. Twenty twenty One, I was amazed at how much I knew about what he was talking, because just read his book and forty other book, But as a throwaway line, brandy at the very end like at the fifty ninth minute of a sixty minute webinar, he said, Oh, and by the way, you need to treat your childhood trauma or else you're ever going to heal. Okay, thank you so much And we could you know I interviewed him for the love Hopelinepodcast, and I said you mentioned that you threw it was a throwaway line. Could you please explain that more, and you and I could probably talk for another hour about that?

brandy:

We could have a whole podcast because I recently had a doctor tell me that I needed to, because he pets from my time in the army and it's making my firebrmalga worse. It's making my crones worse. It's makin everything S a mess And you said you got to fix it.

fred_diamond:

I mean, What again? God love the people in our military and what they've been through, And thank you again for your service, which I've told you before. But yeah, and then you also have had in childhood

brandy:

Yes,

fred_diamond:

and then you've been in these dramatic situations

brandy:

all the things.

fred_diamond:

and a lot of the people that I've met they said you know. they've had to be honest about acknowledging, and unlike you mentioned before about, you know the the Burnsites, et cetera, You know, there's people who might have been bitten by lime, had an abusive father And

brandy:

Hm,

fred_diamond:

there didn't matter. They're doing fine. Their snapping away

brandy:

Yeah,

fred_diamond:

and your, your reaction to whatever trauma you've gone through may be slightly different, but again, remember this throwaway line and you got to deal with your rig of trauma. else. You're ner going a el thnkyouesa much. good bye. And that's something again that it's the psychological side of the psychiatric side. In some cases may be just as much. if not bigger. I'm not. I'm not just telling people love somebody who you Have. Hope you got to be treated.

brandy:

Yep,

fred_diamond:

You know, we are talking about diseases that are impacting your body And you got to figure out what is the best treatment for you. What you willing to do. These are expensive.

brandy:

To

fred_diamond:

Unbelievable,

brandy:

vary.

fred_diamond:

you know, it's envies. Yes, so

brandy:

No,

fred_diamond:

there's some of the key messages.

brandy:

Yes, Well, thank you so much I really appreciate this Fred Diamond, author of Love Hope Line, also the podcast Hope podcast host for the same name. That's a lot of his Love Hope line. Thank you so much for being with me today.

fred_diamond:

Thank you, Brandy.