The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria — Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor.
I work with the women who are cycle breakers, grid shakers, and truth layers — the brave souls who came here to dismantle the inherited beliefs that told them they had to chase love, prove their worth, and beg to be chosen.
I help them break free from the karmic cycles and generational patterns that keep them stuck in toxic relationships and self-abandonment — so they can unapologetically choose themselves, reclaim their inherent worth, and become magnetic to soul-aligned love, expansive opportunities, and the liberated life they were born to lead.
Without ever shrinking, settling, or self-abandoning again.
I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, begging to be chosen, and abandoning myself again and again in the name of love. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to reclaim the version of you who never had to beg to be chosen.
You ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
The Childhood Crush That Started It All: How I Became Addicted to Chasing Emotionally Unavailable Men
What do anonymous prank calls, elaborate route detours, and fifth-grade crushes have to do with your love life today?
Turns out… everything.
In this raw, soul-baring episode of The Femme Cast, I take you on a time-traveling trip back to junior high, when love first felt like a game I had to win. These seemingly innocent childhood crushes didn’t just capture my heart; they unknowingly initiated me into a decades-long obsession with emotionally unavailable men. From stalking lockers and rehearsing conversations to planning "accidental" run-ins with military precision, I became the Navy SEAL of strategic self-abandonment — all in the name of being seen, chosen, and loved.
But here's the truth I didn’t learn until much later in life.
"When you're chasing someone else, you're almost always running from yourself."
This episode is for every woman who's ever felt like love was something she had to earn, convince someone of, or perform for.
We’ll unpack:
- Why chasing emotionally unavailable men gave me the illusion of control
- How early attachment wounds quietly shaped my definition of love and safety
- The grief and liberation of realizing that we cannot control who loves us or when
- The moment I finally stopped chasing and started choosing me
You'll hear the behind-the-scenes of my most humiliating crush stories (yes, they're hilarious and heartbreaking), the emotional aftermath of my most recent long-term breakup, and the deep spiritual reckoning that followed.
If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable men, or why you feel addicted to the chase, then this episode is your mirror, your medicine, and your permission slip to stop chasing and start receiving.
Because the truth is, real love doesn’t require a performance.
And your worth was never up for debate.
Ready to stop abandoning yourself for love? To finally rise from the wreckage of betrayal and become the woman you were born to be?
The Sacred Reclamation Series: Betrayal Edition starts July 21st right here on The Femme Cast.
5 soul-stirring podcast episodes + a free live healing + activation on July 29th @ 8PM EST
This is your sign.
This is your turning point.
Claim your seat now.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
Hey guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you here. Funny story, so I kind of wanted to continue down this like rabbit hole of you know. How. You know, chasing and begging for love from emotionally unavailable men just became my MO in life and I talked about last week how you know I had that big turning point in my long term relationship and kind of tied it back to my relationship with my dad. And you know, when I was younger and you know, it was one of those things that I think if chasing and begging for love from emotionally unavailable men was an Olympic sport, I would literally have the gold fucking medal.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I've been training for this since I was a child, okay, and it's so funny because the other day I was like with my friends and we're having drinks and I was telling the story about. You know, we're talking about like childhood crushes and like who our first crush was right, and I can remember me and my friend at the time oh my God, we were in grade five. Okay, we were like barely out of diapers. Okay, we were grade five and there was these two boys in the class, like I think they were the next grade from us, or two grades, I can't remember Older guys right from us, or two grades, I can't remember, um, older guys Right, um, anyway, joey and Dominic, I can still remember them, oh my God, I can remember their faces, like I literally saw them. Yet you know how, like, after like years, you haven't seen anybody. I can literally, like still see their faces. Okay, um, dominic was short, he had kind of straight, um very like dark, like jet black, um hair and kind of like tousled looking, whereas joey, on the other side, on the other hand, was taller, he had these like gorgeous, like also dark hair, but he had these like gorgeous curls on his head. And I can just remember, like both of us like freaking out over both of them.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And you know we would walk by their classrooms to see them. You know they would walk by their drama classes classes, see them sitting on the floor and like wondering what the hell they were doing. We would walk by their lockers, we would take the long way home from school so that we could walk by their neighborhood, you know. And then there was the big realization that from my friend's building, she lived in this massive apartment building that was literally like right above, right down the street from the school where we're going to, and you know, when you actually went into her apartment we could actually see into their neighborhood, like into the cul-de-sac that they lived on, and we could see them playing on their bikes and their skateboards and we would literally hang out on her balcony stalking these guys. Then we got their number, so you know you would and this was before call, waiting and all that and and call, call um caller ID. We would call them frequently and hang up and then it's oh my God, anyway, this was the beginning, okay, this was just the beginning.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There, that was like a two year crush. It was like through grade five and all, through grade six, I think or, yeah, I think it was grade five and six Um, totally crushing on these guys, like so bad, so bad. And then you know that became my MO. So for you know, every couple of years I would do this, I would fall in love with some dude in my class or in my friend's class or somebody who was, you know, usually about a year or two older than me, and I would just crush on them, like to the point of like humiliation. I would crush on them and be this desperate fool who would look at them with puppy dog eyes every time they walked by me in the hall for like two years, sometimes even three years, stalking same behaviors, calling them like you know to hear their voice, and then hang up and stalking them outside their classroom or going where their friends would hang out, just to see them and never to do anything about it, but just to like see them and be in the vicinity of them and have them see me and and you know, deep down, obviously you know thinking about what am I going to wear when I go? What am I? How am I going to do my hair? What am I going to say? What am I going to do? How am I going to look at him? What's my what's? What's going to be like? Am I going to be like laughing with my friends? Are we going to be cracking jokes, pretending to be confident and not care that they're there, even though we've just spent, like the last, like two hours planning this, like, not like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, what's it called this, this, this out of the blue happenstance run in? It was never happenstance. There was always a plot. There was always a plot and that plot would take hours to like, plan out and strategically implement. And then the outfit and how you were going to act and what you were going to say and what your friend was going to say and how you were going to respond, to get the right, all of it engineered, brilliantly engineered, to get them to see us, to notice us, to smile at us, to whatever you know. I mean, the goal was to actually get them to finally profess their undying love to us, which they never actually did. But that was the goal in all of this.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But I want you to know, like this was a very strategic operation and a lot of young girls do this we go through, I mean, we were practically Navy SEALs when it comes to, like you know, dating emotionally or chasing emotionally unavailable men. We were the Navy SEALs of the trade emotionally or chasing emotionally unavailable men. We were the Navy SEALs of the trade. Like there is nothing that we wouldn't do to get a guy's attention, especially one who was emotionally unavailable, who showed zero interest and, you know, didn't make any effort whatsoever. So was this the new normal? Is this what it was supposed to be like?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Because I think that there was a part of me that and maybe this was normal for young girls, but I don't know. Some girls started to grow out of it. I seem to not grow out of it. I mean I did for a short period where I grew out of it and then I kind of went right back into it, I don't know why. And again it goes back to that belief of well, what is it that I really deserve? What do I believe I am worthy of when it comes to love? What do I believe love looks like? What do I believe is safe about being in a real intimate, close connection with somebody you know? And is there some things that I need to look at there? Because I do think that this pattern for me of chasing emotionally unavailable men was so ingrained in me that it took so much work to undo. So I've learned a few things along the way. So that's why you know like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I always say like. You know it's always. You know you can always do your healing on your own, but it is always faster if you move through it with someone who knows, who's been through it, who knows like, because you know, when I think back to like the healing journey, like man, I made a lot of wrong turns. It's not to say I didn't learn anything on those wrong turns, but, man, I took a lot of fucking wrong turns. So you know we can kind of give you like instead of taking the scenic route, but anyway, so you know all that to say. Like you know, this became a way of life for me and it did Like if it didn't.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you know, having a dad who was somehow emotional I don't even know if I would call it emotionally unavailable or emotionally dysfunctional but you know, having had that experience with my dad and you know, kind of going through my younger years, you know reaffirming all of these beliefs that I had, that you know that. You know love wasn't safe and you know love wasn't available to me like it was for other people, like I did have to fight for it. I did have to convince them. I did have to perform or put on a show, have to convince them. I did have to perform or put on a show or show up in a way to get the attention that I wanted to get from them, which is what I had learned from, you know, with my dad, um, and I don't think he ever realized that that's the effect that it had and I and I don't think that he would have ever wanted that it just, it just, it was what it was Like. He was just an old school dad, right, um, but, um, you know, this really became my definition of how I showed up in relationship and how I thought you, you were supposed to show up in order to find a relationship or to find somebody who would want to be with you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like I thought this was normal, this was my um, my baseline, you know, and I had to reprogram all of that, um, and I think the hardest part of the reprogramming is you know being able to do all these things. And you know stalk the neighborhoods and make the calls and hang up. Well, you can't really do that anymore. I'm sorry, guys, I hate that you guys can't do that anymore, but it was fun while it lasted. But you know making the phone calls and then hanging up as soon as they answer the phone, and you know stalking where their friends are going to be and when they're going to be in the games are going to go to, and you know, whatever you know doing all those things, whatever you know doing all those things gave you an odd sense of control, and I think the one thing that became evidently clear when I had to pull the plug on all those behaviors was how out of control we actually are.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Like in terms of like, like we can control how we show up and we can control what we do with our lives. Um, and we can control how we show up and we can control what we do with our lives and we can control how we show up with people, but we have no control over when people show up for us. Who shows up, how they show up, when they show up, like we have no control over that. That's kind of like, you know, again, putting it in the hands of source to like know what's best and know when the time is right, and that's kind of, you know, like that's a faith that I continue to lean into today. You know, as you know, a woman who's you know older.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know I've been single now for quite some time. I just ended a long term relationship a few months ago and again, it wasn't because of lack of love. There was tons of love there, but it wasn't the future I wanted with this person. There was no way that this person could be the future that I needed them to be in order to have, you know, a life together. And so you know I had to make a very difficult decision for me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But all that to say, you know it brings me back to this point where you know, maybe the chasing, maybe the convincing, maybe the begging for someone to love you, to choose you, to pay attention to you, maybe that gives you some sort of sense of control, that you have some control over the timing, um, or the outcomes, and there's something really comforting in that. Unfortunately, because the reality is, and when we put our heart out there, we don't know like there's always a risk of getting hurt. That risk never goes away. And I think that in order to be open for a real loving and intimate connection, we have to embrace the fact that we may get hurt one day. Even if they love us, we may lose them one day, and that is just the reality. And if we let that fear of loss, of pain, of grief, keep us from feeling safe to love someone, that is really gonna distort our energetic signature when it comes to calling in relationships.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So all that to say, when we do these things, when we chase, when we perform, when we plan the outfits, what we're going to say where we're going to be, how we're going to show up, how are we going to behave? Are we going to play it cool Like we don't even see them? Are we going to be laughing with our friends so they think that we don't even know that they're there, when we know that they're there? Like all these things when we do when we're younger? Right, they give us a sense of control, right? What does it look like to lean into the unknown, to let go of all these tools, all these techniques, all these really I mean for lack of a better word manipulative tactics that we use in order to get the attention that we need that's going to soothe whatever's going on on the inside and make us feel safe and secure and seen. I think the biggest part was in that letting go of that sense of control, letting go of that delusion that I have some sort of control over how things pan out. Like we don't. We don't have any control.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, and I think that just letting go and you know, some of the biggest lessons I think that have broken this pattern for me has been in letting go of the control, trusting that the right person will show up at the right time and I don't need to perform for it, and trusting that when they do show up I will. I can trust myself enough to know when it's right and when it's not and let myself open up. And you know baby steps right. You want to be careful, especially if you've been through trauma. I think you know it's always difficult.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I always say when you're in those first stages of a relationship, especially if you experience relationship, trauma is, you know, gradual. You know you can gradually start to unfold and let yourself be fully seen and be fully vulnerable and you know letting your intentions be known. I think you know going from a space of you know constantly chasing and manipulating and and and convincing people to choose you and begging people to choose you, to letting yourself just be yourself and trusting that the person who will love you unapologetically is just going to like, is just going to show up. You still have to go out and you have to live your life, obviously, but trusting that that person will show up and love you just for being you, that takes a shit ton of faith faith in yourself, faith in your worth and faith in everything that you know the world told you isn't true and you know it can be very uncomfortable, but it's been the key thing for me in terms of, you know, dialing, you know turning up the dial on my magnetism when you're not constantly out there chasing or convincing or trying to coercing Right, um.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But all that to say, you know that behavior for me evolved over time and it did become a way of life for me and it did become something that was very deeply ingrained in me and even though a lot of, you know women around me kind of grew out of it and, and you know, grew up and, you know, found normal, healthy relationships, I kind of continued this practice and after I, you know, I left my long term relationship and you know that whole begging on the floor moment. You know I continue to perpetuate a lot of these patterns as I got older as well. And what I really had to look at, you know, when I was perpetuating them, it's like, okay, well, again, by chasing them, what am I running from within myself that I don't want to look at? What is this false sense of control that I'm getting from this, or safety that I'm getting from this, that without it I feel totally vulnerable and unsafe? And can I lean into that vulnerability and feeling of being unsafe and trust that I'll be taken care of and trust that you know I'll be okay.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, even as you know, like, like you know, as you get older you know I'm 51 now, right, so the whole narrative of oh, but you know you're not getting any younger and you have to find somebody and this and that, and blah, blah, blah. You know that's still, that's still around me, like that doesn't. That hasn't gone away, that's still there and it's still lurking. And sometimes, you know, when people say it to me, it can still rattle me a little bit and I it takes discipline to this day to be able to say hold.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:On a second Number one, I am not going to settle for somebody who's not for me. And I know, like I've been on my own for quite some time, so I know I can be on my own and I know I can live a good life on my own. And I also know that, no matter how uncomfortable it got sometimes and no matter how, oh, you know, but I just wish I had someone there and it would just. You know, this would be easier if I had someone. That would be better.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And you want that you want to have someone there, but there have been moments where someone was there but I chose to say no to whatever they were offering, whether it was a situationship, friendship or, you know, a real romantic relationship but that couldn't get me the life that I, that I wanted, that I was looking for, and I said no to it. So what I do know is that, you know now, me now is not out there performing or trying to get attention or trying to coerce somebody to love her and to choose her, as much as I want those things, and sometimes I feel sad. That not sad, but you know, I feel like, okay, well, you know, it would have been nice to have someone you know this time, or to go to this wedding, or to go on, you know, vacation with, like, you have those moments right, even though I have that from time to time, and I think it's totally normal to do that, I know what I know to be true and that is that I am no longer settling for situationships or somebody who shows up, as you know, even the slightest bit emotionally unavailable, or, you know, if I see a red flag, I'm able to walk away from it, and that, to me, has been the most empowering part of this whole thing, because I think that you know there's something to be said for, yes, I want those things, absolutely I want those things, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to settle for just anybody who comes along, and that certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to settle for just anybody who comes along, and that certainly doesn't mean that I'm going to like bend over backwards, do cartwheels or perform for somebody to get them to choose me or get their attention. That means that I can be at my best, be in my power and be out there living my best life and trust that, when that person shows up, and trust that they will show up, that I'm able to fully go out there and live my best life until they do show up.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And even if, for whatever reason, if they didn't show up, I know that I'd rather go out there and live my best life on my own than settle and scatter my energy any place where it doesn't belong and in a relationship that I don't feel good in. So, no matter how uncomfortable it may have gotten from time to time, I still, in the end, chose me, and I think that is something that, for me, has been the most empowering decision of my life the fact that I can, you know, be tempted and there's been a few. There's actually been a few this year since my relationship ended where I was just so tempted to to just say, oh, you know what it's good enough for right now. It's like I don't want good enough for right now. I've tried good enough for right now. We've been there, done that. I'm not available for it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So if there's one thing, you know, coming out of this experience that I could say that I have seriously been able to enjoy, is the freedom of knowing that I no longer need to perform. I am no longer a circus monkey, be it for romantic partnerships, friendships or whatever. I can show up as myself, I can be myself and I can go out there and I can live my best life with what I've got and make the best of it, knowing that I am not going to settle like I used to or, you know, put my all my focus and energy into chasing emotionally unavailable dudes that you know just aren't choosing me, just aren't showing up for me the way that I want them to. No, that is done. I. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm out there, basically doing the best with what I've got and living my best life in this current circumstance that I'm in right now and trying to make the most of it, knowing that when this person shows up, I will be ready and there is no need to settle for anything less, because I don't feel like I have to settle for anything less, because there's really nothing not to say that there's nothing that there's still. There's still, like I said, you know, the healing continues.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I do believe that we heal the entire time that we're alive. Um, I believe that when the healing is done, so is this life. And that's just my belief, because I think the only reason we're really here is to evolve. So if we're not healing, we're not really evolving. So I do believe that the healing continues, but I'm just I don't know, I'm just not afraid of it anymore. I guess I I, you know moved through so much, I've healed through so much, that now it's almost exciting to me, because I always look at it as well.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:What do I get to create on the other side of this? Right, like the situation, like the last, like year, with my, with my mom and my dad being, you know, be needing such care from you know, me and my sister, and looking at all that that's, you know, kind of brought up for us and and what that means and what that looks for us like, you know, going forward, that has sparked so much healing, I think, probably for both of us, and and, and you know, massive shifts in transformation I think in both of us that I don't think either one of us would have been ready for had we not gone through this experience. So you know, I know that on the other end of whatever it is that comes up, we end up evolved and in our highest timeline or a higher timeline than where we were before timeline or a higher timeline than where we were before. So, yeah, do I. I don't need, I don't need someone there to avoid these experiences anymore, as I think what I'm trying to say and I'm certainly not going to settle for just anybody anymore and I'm definitely not going to be performing or chasing or convincing or, you know, planning my outfits and calling people and then hanging up the phone to try and get their attention and try and get some dopamine hit as validation that you know they're into me or they're looking at me or whatever. You know young girls do so.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Look at your patterns, look at when they began. You know, like I said, a lot of the girls grow out of these patterns. A lot of us don't, and we end up just keep perpetuating them as we get older, and in which case you know what? Look at what it is that you're trying to avoid on the inside, because if you're chasing them, you're avoiding something within yourself. I'll say that again and again, and again. So anyway, and again, so anyway. That's my two cents on that. So let me know in the comments below who you chased when you were in grade five or six. Do you remember their names or what they look like or the things you would go to to chase them? I'm dying to hear some of these comments. Let me know or email me at mariaatthefemco, coachcom. And if you love this episode, please leave a positive reading and review on Apple podcast or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.
