The Femme Cast
Welcome to The Femme Cast—the podcast for women who are truly ready to break free from toxic relationship cycles, choose themselves, and become a magnet for the love they deserve.
I’m Maria — Master Energy Healer, Radical Self-Love Leader, and Relationship Mentor.
I work with the women who are cycle breakers, grid shakers, and truth layers — the brave souls who came here to dismantle the inherited beliefs that told them they had to chase love, prove their worth, and beg to be chosen.
I help them break free from the karmic cycles and generational patterns that keep them stuck in toxic relationships and self-abandonment — so they can unapologetically choose themselves, reclaim their inherent worth, and become magnetic to soul-aligned love, expansive opportunities, and the liberated life they were born to lead.
Without ever shrinking, settling, or self-abandoning again.
I’ve been where you are, stuck in cycles of chasing love, begging to be chosen, and abandoning myself again and again in the name of love. But I turned my pain into purpose, and now I’m here to help you do the same.
Each week, I share personal stories, actionable insights, and a blend of spiritual and practical tools to help you heal from past wounds, reclaim your self-worth, and rewrite your love story. You’ll hear everything from vulnerable truths about my own journey to breaking toxic patterns to empowering lessons that will guide you toward creating the healthy, loving relationships you crave.
Join me as we say goodbye to self-abandonment, people-pleasing, and unhealthy dynamics, and hello to radical self-love, emotional freedom, and true empowerment.
It’s time to reclaim the version of you who never had to beg to be chosen.
You ready?
Let’s do this.
The Femme Cast
Blindsided by Betrayal | How Being Cheated On Taught Me Self-Trust, Self-Worth, and Prepared Me For The Life I Never Saw Coming
Have you ever trusted someone so completely that the thought of him one day cheating never even crossed your mind—only to be blindsided by betrayal? Or realized, after the heartbreak, that the deepest betrayal wasn’t his lies, but the way you abandoned your own needs, dreams, and intuition just to keep the relationship?
In this episode of The Femme Cast, we are going to talk about how being cheated on was my greatest lesson in self-trust and self-worth, and how it was repairing me for a life I did not even see coming, so that you too, can begin to see the lesson and the blessing in your own heartbreak or betrayal.
I share the raw truth of what I had to face: how I silenced my intuition, turned my back on my dreams, and lost my identity in the relationship. Like so many women, I believed love meant sacrificing myself and making my relationship my focus. But when betrayal shattered my reality, I had to confront how deeply I had abandoned myself long before he betrayed me.
This heartbreak became my wake-up call. I realized I wasn’t just betrayed by him—I had been betraying me. And that painful ending? It became the doorway to healing my self-worth, reclaiming my dreams, and discovering the life and purpose I never saw coming.
If you’ve ever felt broken by betrayal, blindsided by infidelity, or stuck in the cycle of self-abandonment for love, this episode will shift the story for you. You’ll learn why heartbreak can be a portal to radical self-love, unshakable self-trust, and the soul-aligned love and expansion you’ve been waiting for.
Because sometimes the betrayal you thought would destroy you is actually the lesson that sets you free.
Are you healing from cheating? Betrayal? A heartbreak that not only broke your heart but broke your life?
If so, join me for She Rises: A FREE & LIVE 90-minute healing and activation experience for the woman ready to alchemize the pain of lies, betrayal, and being cheated on into unapologetic power, radiant confidence, and the woman she was always meant to be.
Betrayal doesn’t get the final word — you do.
https://thefemmecast.kit.com/masterclass
Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Welcome, if you're new. Some exciting things happening on the Femcast in the coming week. So, if you're catching this at the time around the time of posting, which is August of 2025, a exciting workshop and healing and activation happening live on September, the 15th. It is a free live healing and activation circle. If you remember, we did this back in August.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:She rises, healing from cheating, reclaiming your worth and rising into your radiance, power and purpose. It is a powerful 90-minute masterclass where we're going to do a healing and activation to really help you to heal from any kind of cheating, betrayal or heartbreak and use that as energy to refuel your greatest transformation and really allowing you to step into who the situation is really trying to help you to become. I really and truly believe that situations like this heartbreak like this doesn't happen unless it's trying to transform us into a different and more powerful version of ourselves, a more honest version of ourselves, and that is the reason that these things happen. Nothing that happens in our lives is ever random. You know, I know, I know that there's this narrative out there that you know, we, we, we attract what we believe we deserve, which to, yes, is true, but I think sometimes things happen to us because they're meant to, because they're meant to transform us in ways that we didn't think was possible. I think the real belief work, the mindset work, is in how we view these events, and that has been one of the most powerful transformations that I've ever made in my life, because take it from somebody who was punishing herself for like 10 years for what I was manifesting what I didn't realize is that everything that I was manifesting was everything that my soul needed to really to transform, to involve, to really take its power back and really embody who it was that I came here, to be. Okay, that has been one of the most profound shifts I've ever made in my life and I would I love, I would love for you guys to just sit with that for a minute. Whatever's happening right now, whatever brought you to this episode, whatever brought you to this podcast, I just want you to sit with the possibility that whatever is happening to you right now, no matter how painful, no matter how difficult, it is happening for your highest good and it is transforming you in so many ways that you probably don't even see yet.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, and that's exactly what we're going to talk about in today's episode, so that's kind of why I wanted to start there. So let's dive into the conversation today. I really wanted to talk about how being cheated on was one of my greatest transformation and my most powerful lessons in the art of self-love and self-trust, really, and how it was really the stepping stone into, you know, one of my greatest transformations and was preparing me for a life that I didn't even know or see coming. You know, and it's you know. When I look back on who I was before that happened and everything that has happened since, and how I've transformed, how my life has transformed, I can honestly tell you I would go through all of that all over again, knowing who I am now, on the other side of all of it. Okay, so let me just set the stage for you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Okay, you know, as somebody who you know I had, I had pretty much been single for most of my life, so this was probably my first real serious, intimate connection. I mean, there were, there, were, there were, no, that actually that's not true. I did have some. I did have. You know, I was always in relationship when I was younger and in high school, and I had some long-term relationships there, but this was probably my first real serious adult relationship, right? Um, for the most part, most of my adult life I had been quite single. Um, and you know, I had some I, I I had a bit of an attitude. Uh, especially in my early twenties, you know, I had some pretty audacious dreams of of how my life was going to unfold and some of the things that I was going to accomplish. I was in fashion school at the time. Um, I had so many big plans and dreams.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, when I think back, um, you know, the know, like the devil, the devil wears Prada, which probably came after all of that. But the devil wears Prada was probably my, my goalpost of how I wanted my life to play out for me, even before the movie came out, which was which was funny, because when that movie came out, it was it, I was in this relationship and it was kind of this wake up moment of oh wow, this is everything I ever wanted. And I've completely turned my back on Like it was. Like it was like, suddenly there was the life that I was dreaming and I I mean all, all comedy aside, you know, obviously, the lesson in the story and the devil wears Prada, um was she got everything you know that every girl wanted, but she still wasn't happy with it, right, um? So you know there's a lesson in that as well.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But being able to see that on the screen in front of me in that moment, you know several years um into the relationship and I think at this point you know the cheating had already taken place and you know I was trying to live in this was, I think, the stage probably where I was trying to live in this denial that I could make it work. Or you know that we could get through it, that we could work through it. Or maybe I did imagine it the way he said I did which I didn't, said I did which I didn't. And so here I was watching this movie and he was watching it with me. We were having a good laugh about it, but deep down there was this little voice in my head that said this was everything that you wanted, that you turned your back on, like, where is this girl? Where is the girl who wanted to accomplish all this in her life? Where was the girl who had these big dreams, these big goals, these big ambitions. Like, where did she go? Do you even see her? Do you even recognize her? Like, would you know her if you saw her walking down the street? I probably would not.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:With the betrayal was probably one of my biggest, biggest wake-up calls into how I had basically been betraying myself, how I completely turned my back on who I was, what I wanted, what I needed, what I was feeling, what I was dreaming about, and just became an extension of this person, right, a representation of you know, I became the person who was in this relationship and that was my identity. Like I literally lost myself completely in this relationship. And I think, you know, was it because I had been single for so long through my adult life that, you know, I think part of me was just excited to be in a serious connection. And you know, I think part of me, like I always I shared in another episode I used to always sing in the back of the car with my friends every Friday, saturday night, is the song by Madonna, all by Myself, because I really did believe at that point.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, yes, I had these big goals, yes, I had these big dreams, but there was a part of me that thought I would be alone forever. You know, like I never would find that person to really click with, to really connect with, and you know, having come close to a relationship so many times but never actually like being able to establish a healthy adult relationship it was. It was starting to feel very far away, and so, when this relationship came into my life, I was so excited that it was here, I was so excited that he was here, I was so excited that I finally felt chosen, like wow, this person's choosing to be with me, like, oh, my God, you know. And so being in this relationship, um, became everything to me and nurturing the, the relationship and nurturing, um, you know who we were in. The relationship and the life that we were going to, you know, create together.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I. It became all about the relationship in this person and that and that became the focus of my life and every other decision that I made, whether it was where I was going to work, what I was going to do with my time, my lifestyle, every decision became about how it would support this relationship, or how it would work with this relationship, or how I can make decisions in my life to better support this relationship right. And I don't even think it was about him per se. I think it was about the relationship and having the relationship and keeping the relationship and making sure the relationship was the best that it could be. And I think it's because, for me, for so long I didn't think I would have that and so when I did, you know it was like white knuckling, trying to hold on to it and make sure that it didn't slip through my fingers and that I was doing everything possible to hang on to it. And you know that all comes from this deep-rooted belief that I wasn't good enough to really be loved, that I had to work hard at it, that I had to make sure I made it my focus and made sure that I did everything that I could in order to continue to be chosen, in order to continue to be chosen.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But what I did realize in that connection was that how naive I was in thinking that he was feeling the same way, and it's funny because there were red flags that he wasn't. And I mean it wasn't a healthy way to think. No one should be in a relationship thinking making their connection or their relationship the center focus of their life and that would be a healthy form of attachment right. That would be a secure attachment where I was clearly, clearly, clearly an anxious attachment right, even though even before there was any need to be, but it wasn't. But I almost felt, and believe that or I just assumed, maybe, that if I felt that way, that he felt the same way too, because even though I, you know, felt like I had to work hard for this relationship and I felt like I had to make it the focus of my life, I don't know if, when I think back now, if that's because, well, obviously I had some deep, you know, self-worth issues, deep self-worth issues. But also that's how I learned, I guess, through people around me, through family and traditions and beliefs. That's how I just learned that you're supposed to be in relationship, right, and so I just assumed that he believed the same thing that I did and that that was life. Much to my, you know, shock, he didn't feel the same way.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, when I found out about the infidelity and the cheating and the lying, the betrayal, I was blindsided, like I can't stress this enough. I did not see it coming at all and I think you know this is where oftentimes, you know, my perspective differs from a lot of the other coaches and relationship healers out there. You know, people always say you know, you have to be able to trust your partner and take what they say at face value and not let your mind. You know, not let your mind and your self-doubt take you all these places. But I really believed I could trust this person with my life. There was not a cell in my body that ever doubted him or his love for me, or our relationship, or that we would be together forever, him or his love for me, or our relationship, or that we would be together forever.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I, it was my, it was the core of everything that I believed that, that we loved each other, that we were 150% committed to one another in our life together and that we were both willing to do everything in our power to make this relationship worth. So, yes, did I have self-worth issues? But yes, I did Absolutely, because otherwise, you know, none of this would have happened. I never would have self-abandoned if I didn't, you know, let's make that clear and I never would have had this feeling of, you know, needing to make love the center focus of my life had I not had, you know this self, lack of self-worth, anxious attachment style, conditioning kind of, you know, lurking beneath the surface. But you know, having said that, cheating was not on my radar, infidelity was not on my radar. Him leaving me for someone else or choosing to be with someone else, or even, you know, being interested in someone else, was not on my radar. Mentally, maybe subconsciously, who knows, but like mentally, that never even crossed my mind. That was like no, that's never going to. It was like an unheard of Like.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If there was things that I feared, you know, maybe it was. You know, problems in our life, you know, maybe driving a wedge between us, you know, things like that, that, that part, you know, I was afraid of. I was afraid of, you know, not creating that safe container for the relationship to really thrive. I think that's where my focus was. But I never had that fear that someone would come along and take it away. You know that was, that was, that was not even on my radar.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so when, when I found out what was happening, when I realized what was happening, um, that moment, like was life altering, life altering. I can still remember it felt like it just rocked me right to the core and I can remember it took a while, for after I had the realization what was going on, I kind of went in sort of like this numb sort of comatose state and I was kind of walking around like a zombie for several weeks, as mentally I was kind of processing what I had come to realize and I, I had addressed the issues with him and I, you know, I, I had expressed to him like, look, like what's what's going on, like what is this, what is this that I'm seeing, what is this that I'm? What am I seeing? What are what, what, what is this that's unfolding? What am I supposed to do with all this information?
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Because there was, suddenly there was like all these signs everywhere that I had not been paying attention to, and and and there was, there was an obvious moment where I could recall um, where she called on a Sunday morning we were still in bed together and I could, I could clearly hear her talking to him on the phone, um, and you know she was a-worker and you know he said it was just a co-worker, and but I'm like, but you don't talk to your co-workers like that, like that's not right, right. And I could clearly hear her on the other end of the phone and I could clearly hear everything she was saying and I could hear the tone in which she was saying it, and I can also see how frantically he was trying to get off the phone and immediately like, distract me, um, and something in me was like kicking and screaming. This isn't right. This is not right. There's something wrong here. I've like, uh, it was like there's a part of me that was just like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't ignore this part that you're seeing here. And so, you know, gave me all the excuses, gave me all the rationales, gave, you know, kind of told me everything that I wanted to hear in that moment.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But there was still a part of me that was like you know, you know it's not the truth, you know what he's saying. And I could and it's so funny, like I couldn't articulate it then, but I can, I can, I could see it now, where you know, as, as you know, we move through this experience and as we move through you know trying to heal this and you know, trying to move through it and eventually, you know having it be the reason for why we fell apart, one thing I got really good at in that process was being able to see when he was lying to me and when his energy would shift. And you know, when I look back now, it's very obvious to me what was happening. But in that moment I didn't know, because that was the first time I was experiencing, or consciously experiencing, that version of him. And so for weeks I took what he said.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know, I have to like trust what he's saying to me and I'm trying to believe it and I'm trying to convince myself that I have nothing to worry about, and I'm trying to convince myself that everything is okay. But there's this nagging feeling inside of me that no, this is not right. Like this is not okay. You need to trust what you heard, you need to trust what you felt, you need to trust how it sounded when you heard it, you need to trust the tone in the voices, the body language, the response. You need to trust all of that, because those are all indications that something is not right. Someone is not being on the level, someone is lying, someone is hiding, someone is keeping something from you.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And so for weeks I walked around in this kind of comatose state of trying to convince myself that everything was okay and trying to feel like everything was okay and trying to move through the motions of my daily life and go on business as usual. But I was numbing. And then there was a moment when I was visiting with my family at the time and I was in the kitchen with my mom and my sister and I can remember them asking me you're not yourself lately what's going on? What's going on with you guys? You seem off and I tried to avoid the question as best I could, but there was also a part of me that was dying to talk to somebody, because I just didn't want to feel like I was crazy anymore. And so I finally, you know, after some back and forth and some questions and whatever, and you know giving like little bits and pieces of information here and there, I finally just let it all out.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And I can remember like it was yesterday, I collapsed on the kitchen floor. I was crying and screaming and, you know, trying to articulate why this was happening, trying to understand why this was happening, trying to understand what was happening and trying to understand how somebody that I loved so much, that I had put so much trust and so much faith in and so much of my hinged, so much of my future on, could do something like this to me, right, and I think that was the first time I had really come to the realization of what was what was going on. And then the next few weeks and months would be the sort of like unraveling of all the details and, and you know, all the signs that had been in front of me for so long. Um, you know the coming home late at night and and just just so, so many things like late night phone calls, leaving the house late at night, you know, saying that he's going to work for an emergency, when he's, like you know, getting a call at like 930 in the evening saying that he's got to go into work for an emergency, when he's been getting ready like an hour prior to the phone call. So it's like, well, what are you getting ready for? Like normally we just kind of sit in our pajamas on a Saturday night and do nothing. You know what I mean.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So I think the reason why I say all that, you know, people in you know in the relationship space and relationship healing and relationship mentors will always say you have to be able to take your partner. Like when your partner says something, you have to be able to trust them Clearly. Like literally the opposite was true for me. I trusted everything my partner said. I didn't doubt it for a second until that moment where I was like, whoa, wait a second, am I missing something here? Like, have I been lying to myself? Because he's been telling me everything that I've wanted to hear? And I've trusted him and I have taken it at face value. And now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me, like what the actual fuck is happening? Because I feel like I've been a good girlfriend, I feel like I've been a good partner, I feel like I've been a good lover, I feel like I've done everything that you're supposed to do. I've trusted, I've given freedom, I've not tried to restrict or control or do anything. Why has the rug now been pulled out from under me? And there was a lot of healing around that that I needed to do because I had a lot of anger around that. It was literally the opposite lesson and I want to share this, like I want to be responsible for what I'm sharing right now.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:If you're somebody who you know, you've always been jealous of your partners and you've always thought the worst and you've always been paranoid that maybe they were cheating. And maybe you're always checking their phone or wondering where they are, or going on these midnight runs to kind of follow them and see if they're really at work like they say they are, which I did. You want to ask yourself, well, where is that coming from? Why don't you trust? And there is probably some betrayal trauma there that happened to you in the past that you need to work on. Or maybe there is some self-worth or insecurity issues that you need to address, right, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Listen, behind every jealous woman is a woman who's been betrayed or let down at some point. You know it's all betrayal trauma. I know that. You know there's this narrative out there that you know these are the healthy behaviors and these are the non-healthy behaviors. And if you do the non-healthy behaviors, like you're a jealous woman, like if you're constantly worrying about where your partner's at, questioning if what they're saying is true, going through their phone or stalking them in the middle of the night, then you're just a jealous, insecure woman. Or you're somebody who was betrayed by somebody that you really trusted and now you're having a hard time trusting again. There's that and that's okay and you get to do the work around that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But please don't let these people make you feel like you're a bad person because you've experienced betrayal trauma, because betrayal trauma is a very real thing, because I can tell you right now, coming out of this relationship and going into my next relationships, I had serious betrayal trauma to overcome. I didn't trust anybody for years. Okay, and that's because you know you go back to. Well, if this person who I trusted with my life could betray me, anybody could, you know, and that's kind of. That's kind of the you know, your, your mind is always hardwired to protect you and to keep you safe. So your mind says it is not safe to trust people. Even if they do tell me everything that I want to hear, I still can't trust them because they could still be somebody totally different behind the scenes that I'm not even aware of. So why would I trust what anybody says to me ever again if this person who I put all my faith and trust in was able to betray me like that, you know. So you kind of create that's how these beliefs and narratives are, kind of created these protection mechanisms, these trauma adaptations right, that we need to then work through and unplug from right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But you know, I really needed to do the opposite of what a lot of these coaches, healers and mentors tell you to do. I needed to not listen to what he was saying. I needed to ignore it completely, because he was saying everything that I wanted to hear and, of course, because he knew me really well, he knew exactly what I wanted to hear. I needed to ignore all of that and trust what I was seeing happening and unfolding in front of me and I needed to trust what I was feeling in my body, not the rant, the mental rants that were going on, the fears, the constant obsessing, the constant analyzing and the constant doubting. Not that I needed to trust my body. And my body was telling me that something wasn't right, something was off with this relationship, that I couldn't trust what was happening, that I couldn't trust what I was seeing, what he was telling me with a face value right, and that you know, something, something, something had something needed to shift it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:It was almost as though I was intuitively feeling that it was my time to go from this relationship, you know. But I didn't want to accept that at that in that moment, right? So I guess you know why I kind of brought that up. Is I? You know, I really wanted to paint a picture. Yes, you do need to have trust in a relationship. Yes, you do need to be able to have healthy conversation and be able to, you know, trust what you know the other person is telling you, beyond what your force, fears or anxieties or, um, what your analytical mind might tell you, of course. And if you have, like, all these fears and all these doubts and whatever circulating, then that is something that you need to work on.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:For me it was different. For me it was I always trusted him, I never feared him betraying me and suddenly I was seeing things and feeling things inside my body that he was telling me I needed to ignore. This went on for years, and so this is where I really I think that the biggest betrayal to myself happened was when I trusted him more than I trusted my own inner knowing. So all of this to say, you know, going through this experience and going through this relationship, it was the biggest lesson for me in self-trust and in my own self-worth, my own breaking the pattern of how, like helping me to see the pattern of how I was betraying myself. First by making this relationship my focus, abandoning all my dreams, abandoning my goals, abandoning everything I wanted, making this relationship the central focus of my life, right and my identity and who I was going to be and my future. Like it was, like the, it was my foundation, right? And I think that's the dangerous piece in all of this right, and that was my biggest lesson learned from all of it. And then also then further betraying myself when I found out, when I realized what was happening, when I felt it, when I could see it with my own eyes.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:But I betrayed myself by ignoring what I was seeing and what I was feeling and trying to believe what he was telling me. One because I really just wanted to believe what he was telling me. One, because I really just wanted to believe what he was telling me. And two, because it was easier than the scarier alternative of having to, like, leave the relationship and start over. And who the fuck was I, even after all these years of being in this relationship and having that relationship be my identity? Like who am I without it now? Right, there was so much fear in the unknown that I Was I, even after all these years of being in this relationship and having that relationship be my identity? Like, who am I without it? Now, right, it was.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There was so much fear in the unknown that I almost rather convinced myself that, yes, I should believe him and I should trust him and I should say and everything is going to be okay, because that was less scary than actually stepping out into the unknown and detaching from everything that this relationship symbolized for me, which was my identity, my future, who I was, my worth, my every decision that I made in the world, like everything, was completely like I said. It was the foundation, it was the main building block to the rest of the building blocks in my life was like this relationship. So walking away from it was probably one of the scariest things that I'd ever done and it was the first time in my life that I had actually said no, I am not going to listen to what you need, I am not going to listen to what you say, I am not going to listen to what it is that you're trying to convince me of. I'm going to choose to trust myself. I'm going to choose to trust myself beyond any rhyme or reason, without any proof that I'm right. I know what I'm feeling and I know what I'm seeing and I know that this is not for me and I can feel that in my body and so I'm just going to trust that and make a decision according to that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And it wasn't until I made that decision that all the proof that I needed right just started like just flooding in. You know, you know all the ways that it just it was. I was getting messages from random people, partners whose partner he was, you know people, partners whose partner he was, you know, trying to like, make a move on you know evidence of him kind of, you know, you know, reaching out to friends, or even even him. You know, and I'll share this in the next episode but even him. You know, going through my friends list and it was just crazy. It was just it was.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:There was so much crazy shit that unfolded after the fact that I was like, wow, this is who you've been all along. I didn't see it, I was completely blind to it. Um, and so this is where you know, did it? Did it help my self-trust immediately? No, it actually completely eroded my self-trust at first, because I was like, wow, I put all my trust and faith into this person. And then, when I finally saw who they really were, I was like, oh my God, I was so wrong. How could I have been so wrong about this person? And then, after you know a lot of work and a lot of healing, I was able to see yeah, there were some red flags there before and I ignored them Because it was just too nice to be in. You know, to have this relationship kind of unfold the way that it did and to kind of fit this perfect picture of what I thought our relationship was supposed to be, it was just too nice to give up. It was too cushy, it was too easy. I was like, no, there was.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That was also the big, you know, the big flex for me was in being able to walk away and say, to realize that my body, what my eyes were telling me, what my body was telling me, was totally different than what he was telling me, and being able to say you know what I hear, what you're telling me. But I'm going to choose to believe and trust what I'm seeing and what I'm feeling internally and make a decision based on that, even though it was hard. Even though it was hard, even though it was scary, even though I had no proof. That was my flex, that was my flex moment when I was able to say no, I am not going to listen to what you're telling me anymore. I'm going to trust what I'm seeing and feeling and move accordingly.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:That was a huge flex for me and although I had a lot of work to do on self-trust, after that relationship ended knowing that I was able to walk away and trust myself, even though every part of me wanted to believe what he was telling me, that everything was okay and that I had nothing to worry about and you know my every fear and insecurity wanted to believe that so desperately I somehow managed to find the strength to trust myself and to walk away. And so that, for me, was the biggest flex and the biggest transformation. And it took a while for the rest of the healing, you know around self-trust and you know being able to trust in a relationship again, that took some time. To trust in a relationship again that took some time. But now, when I look back on that moment, I can see it as one of my greatest moments of transformations, where I was able to say no, no, I'm not going to accept what you're telling me and as much as I want to hear it, as much as I want to believe you right now, as much as I want to believe in this happily ever after, no, I'm going to trust what I'm seeing, I'm going to trust what I'm feeling and I'm going to make the hard decision to walk away, because I know I deserve better and I know that I get to trust myself, I get to choose myself here, I get to trust myself and I get to create a better experience for myself, and I would rather take my time and find that relationship that is truly, truly, truly compatible and healthy and that wants to be with me rather than settle for that, wants to be with me rather than settle for that. So you know, it really was the most, one of the most transformative moments of my life.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:You know I needed to trust again. You know I needed to trust what I was feeling and seeing, above and beyond what I was being told. I needed to see how I was, all the ways that I was betraying myself in this connection, from walking away from my dreams, walking away from my ambitions, my needs, my feelings, ignoring them completely, um, abandoning what I was seeing and feeling and and just taking what he was telling me at face value because it was just the easier. It was just the easy way out. You know it was it was. It was the easy, a right.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, I needed to see how I was turning my back on everything I dreamed up before I met this person. Um, I needed to see that I had been although I didn't realize it, this had been my pattern my entire life, whenever there was a relationship that I wanted to cling to, that I was, that was really great and that I didn't want to lose. And there was this part of me that believed that I needed to make it the central focus of my life instead of keeping myself as a center focus of my life. And I think that's where I lost a lot of my magnetism and a lot of my power, because I made external relationships my focus, whether they were partners, whether they were friendships, whether they whatever, it doesn't matter. Anytime a relationship felt a little rocky or like I didn't really feel seen or heard, or loved or accepted, I did everything that I could to turn that around, to make that relationship a focus, to show up in a way that would get me the love that I was craving, get me the attention that I was craving, get me the validation that I was craving so deeply. And so I was always.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I think, even with friendships, I was always very externally focused on my relationships and really disconnected with me, from me, and not making myself a focus, not making you know, making checking in with myself and using myself to decide what was right for me and what wasn't. That became an afterthought right, and that was like. That was such a betrayal because I didn't exist in my life, like I felt like all my decisions, every decision that I was making was around. You know what these relationships needed and what I needed in order to be loved and to be accepted and to feel validated and seen. It wasn't about, well, what do I actually want? What do I actually want to create? What do I want for myself? What do I see for my life? That was never a discussion that was on the table, and so I think that was the biggest form of betrayal. There were so many betrayals, honestly. There were so many ways that I was betraying myself, and I truly believe that's why this betrayal happened to me.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:So if you're somebody who's moving through betrayal or heartbreak, or you know whether it was infidelity or just you know, just manipulation. You, just you fell in love with somebody and he ended up being somebody you weren't expecting. You know where are you lying to yourself? Where are you betraying yourself? Where are you turning your back on yourself? That is such a hugely and wildly important question that you want to start asking yourself. You know, before the rug gets pulled out from under you ideally, because then that's never easy, but even that, you know what it serves. You know it's not the end of the world. I went through it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:The rug absolutely got pulled out from under me and my life flipped upside down a thousand times, upside down a thousand times, but it was preparing me for the work that I was going to do, which, back then, had you told me that I'd be on this podcast sharing with you all of the stuff that I'd been through, I would never have believed you in a million years. No, way, fuck, no, absolutely not. Not happening. I am not going to. I didn't share my life with my closest friends. Sometimes they had no idea what was going on in my life. I was so insanely private. My biggest fear was being seen and being vulnerable. So if you had told me then that I would be on this mic right now sharing this whole story with you, I would have thought you were fucked, fucked. But knowing now what I know and knowing how important this has become for me and how it's transformed me on the other side and the person that I am now as a result of that betrayal, I would do it again in a heartbeat to get here where I am right now.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:And that's really when you know when the healing is done, when you can look back on the moment, no matter how painful it was and, yeah, maybe there still might be some little stuff there. I don't believe that, you know. I don't. I'm not one of these healers and teachers who teaches you that you know, you kind of. You know you can go back and not feel something you know, because if you, as long as you keep feeling something you know, then the healing work isn't done. I don't know if I believe that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:I do believe we can forgive without there can be forgiveness. I think, and I think we can see the benefit in why certain things happen to us, but we can still not be okay with that happening, even though we see the benefit of it on the other side, like, I see, I don't feel any animosity now I don't think, like I don't feel any animosity towards him. I don't really think about him much at all anymore. But I know I wouldn't go back to that and I'm good with that and I know that I never want to, you know, attract a relationship like that into my life again. And I know that you know, if I see any red flags that indicate to me that I'm in that kind of a connection again or with that, in a connection with that kind of person again, absolutely not. So, yeah, I can heal, I can forgive and I can I can, you know, see the benefit of it. But I'm still like I will hold on to what that taught me and I'm going to make sure to listen to myself next time, to trust myself, to not abandon myself, to pay attention to the red flags and to be able to act on them when I see them. And I have ever since, you know, really worked on that.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:In the last relationship I was, I was in, you know, no matter how much love there was, as soon as I saw this indication that there was some red flags there, even holding all the love in my heart, I was able to walk away and say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can love someone and I can love someone and I can see the beauty in someone and I can see the light in someone. But I can still choose to walk away if I feel it's not a healthy connection for me or if it's going to, like you know, either like drain my energy to be in, or if I'm going to need to like, like you know, dim myself or be. You know, no, I'm, I've taken I guess that's probably the best way to explain it. I've taken the experience. I see the blessing in it. I would do it all over again, knowing where it's brought me to, but I will absolutely, absolutely keep what I've learned from that connection and be able to apply it in my relationships, going forward to say, hey, here's the mistake I made before, let's not do that again. Right, and I think that that's that's a healthier way of looking at it.
MARIA @THEFEMMECAST:Um, because if we're not extracting the lessons from these painful experiences, we're just, we're literally, we're literally setting ourselves up to repeat them again. Right, because they are asking you to evolve. The question is how, and that's one of the most important questions that you can ask yourself. So, um, that is all for now, you guys. Okay, let me know in the comments wherever you're seeing this, whether it's in socials or email or on the podcast. Let me know, wherever you're seeing this, what you take away from this episode and how you're going to apply it to your life. And, as always, if you love this episode, please follow and rate and what's it called? Leave a review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you're seeing this. Share this with somebody who needs it. Until next time, you guys, massive, massive love.
