The Good Girl Lie | Why Being Palatable Is Killing Your Visibility, Impact, and Income

This episode is a no-BS dismantling of the “good girl” routine, and how it quietly keeps powerful, intuitive women stuck, unseen, and underpaid. I’m sharing the lived truth of how people-pleasing flattened my voice, drained the energy from my content, and kept my impact capped… until I finally said the thing I was afraid to say.

We talk about why watered-down honesty creates invisibility, why your first troll is often a sign of real traction, and how resonance, not likes, neutrality, or playing nice, is what drives true visibility. If your content feels flat, your message feels muted, or you’re secretly afraid of being fully seen, this conversation will hit you right in the chest.

Inside this episode of The Femme Cast, we explore emotional alchemy as a leadership tool, the difference between leading with essence vs. strategy, and why 2026 rewards clarity, truth-telling, and boundaries over “high-vibe” performance. I break down how discomfort becomes a compass, why hiding your edges is self-abandonment, and how letting yourself be felt is what actually moves people to trust, follow, and buy.

This is for the unapologetic woman in the making. The coach, healer, or soul-led leader who knows she’s here to make an impact, but has been shrinking, over-performing, or waiting for permission.

If you’re ready to stop hiding your power, speak with authority, and lead from lived truth instead of polish… press play.

Done abandoning yourself for everyone else?
It's time to come home. Download The Unbecoming Ritual free. Your unbecoming begins here: https://thefemmecast.kit.com/ritual

Want to go deeper?
Come find me on Substack at The Femme Cast Diaries. I'm sharing my own unbecoming in real time -- the mess, the magic, and the chapters of my memoir Girl, Unbecoming. For the woman who is ready to stop pretending and start coming home to herself. Come unbecome with me: https://thefemmecast.substack.com/

Transcript

Why The “Good Girl” Kept Me Invisible

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey you guys, what is up? And welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Welcome if you're new. This episode is so freaking timely right now. It's actually hilarious. So I'm laughing because I'm like, I don't want to get derailed, but let's just start with what we're talking about today. So I wanted to talk about why the good girl routine or the good girl act was keeping me stuck and unseen and broke for what felt like an eternity. Okay. And I didn't, I didn't realize it until quite late in the game that that was the thing. But it's funny because, and I'm laughing now, because as I'm getting ready to record this, like as I'm recording this episode, right? As I was getting ready to hit that record button, I went on my Instagram feed to respond to a message. I had a message from a friend of mine, and I noticed that somebody had commented on a reel that I posted today, which for the most part is performing pretty well. It's actually one of my better performing reels so far, at least in the first couple of hours, anyway. So I was happy about that. If they don't perform, they don't perform if they do, if they do great, if not, whatever, right? But I noticed that this one was actually performing pretty well. And I got like, it was like the fourth comment or whatever. I just noticed, like, just the trolling. Like, I was like, dang, like, here we go, right? There's the troll. I'm like, okay, so I'm actually starting to get some haters on my on my feed. And it actually makes me a little happy because I feel like shit, people are actually, people are actually seeing me, number one. And number two, I'm actually pissing off the people that I want to be pissing off anyway. So it's like, yay, double, double success, right? Double things to celebrate there and be grateful for. But it's just so funny because here I hear at one of my better performing reels, and I'm getting hate for it. And I'm like, it's true, like being the good girl, saying the nice thing, and and and and being palatable to everyone or every and to everyone and every room and and and every group that you're in, yeah, it is gonna keep you on scene. It is gonna keep you broke, and it is, it is gonna keep you feeling invincible, right? And when you actually start to say the real thing, the real damn thing that you're thinking and feeling, and like feeling called to say, you are gonna piss a few people off, and that's okay. But that is literally the key

Trolls, Haters, And Algorithm Realities

SPEAKER_00 2:30

to like getting unstuck and falling into alignment with who it is you're meant to be and what it is that you're meant to do, right? Like, you know, last week or last episode, we talked a lot about people pleasing and how, you know, people pleasing and rage kind of go hand in hand. They're like birds on a feather, right? The good girl act was basically the result of the people pleasing, right? It was like, how can I be, you know, the good girl, the nice girl, the one that everybody likes, the one that always says the right thing and does the right thing and never says anything, like nothing I ever say ever pisses anybody off, touch, steps on anyone's toes. Like I'm looking at all the different groups and all the different perspectives, right? Like this group hates this conversation, and that group hates that conversation, and that's gonna trigger them, and that's gonna trigger the fuck out of those people over there. So, how can I say the things that I want to say without pissing all these people off? And I was doing this in my content, I was doing this in my life, I was doing this on my podcast, I was doing it on my Instagram, I was doing it everywhere. And what ended up happening was yes, I was very palatable, but I really wasn't speaking to anybody. Nobody was really seeing me. And that's because my message was so watered down. It wasn't that I was lying, I wasn't. I was being honest, but I was watering my message down so much that nobody could fucking hear me. I couldn't even hear me. I would like listen to my posts and listen to my episodes. I'd be like, Where am I? It sounds flat. Like it felt I would I because I always listen to my I always listen back to portions of my episodes when I'm making content, like when I'm making my my reels for Instagram. I'm like, where am I? It sounds flat, it sounds lifeless. Like, I don't understand. Like, I, you know, I was really passionate about I was what I was talking about. I I I thought it out. I was like, yes, I really want to talk about this. I really want to share this with the world. And I cannot wait to get on the mic and share it. And then I record, and I'm like, where am I? Like, I I everything just sounded flat. The energy was like deflated right out of it, right? And that's exactly what happens when we're trying to do the good girl and say all the right things and do all the right things and make sure that you know we're being palatable to everyone out there and not pissing everyone out, anyone, anyone off, or stepping on anyone's toes. Is we're we're literally keeping ourselves stuck and unseen and broke and invincible, and just just this awful feeling of like, is anybody out there even listening? Right? And it felt like that for so long. Like for so long, it felt like that. It felt like nobody was listening. It felt like I kept creating content after

People-Pleasing And The Flat Message

SPEAKER_00 5:10

content after content. Is anybody out there? You know, God bless my friends and family who would like comment and like my post, but they were the only ones commenting and liking, right? And that's because I was just so busy trying to be the good girl all the time and say the right thing and not piss anybody else off. And it wasn't until, excuse me, sorry, I just had lunch. It wasn't until I actually said, no, to fuck with that. I'm actually gonna start to say what I think and say what I feel and to fuck what anybody else has to think about it. And yeah, did I piss a few people off? I did. So what? The way I look at it as it's actually confirmation that I'm actually saying the right things because the people that I were pissing with that I was pissing off are the exact people I wanted to piss off, and not the people I was out there trying to support with my content. So I'm like, okay, great. And I'm looking at this comment right now thinking, gee, thanks, dude. Like, thanks for like helping the algorithm boost my post. I'll pray for you. Like, bless your heart. Oh my god, there's so many ways I can comment back at that. I can't wait, actually. I'm actually gonna comment back at that. I don't really don't comment, but I think I'm gonna have some fun with this one. Just cuz. Just cause. Why not? And the thing is, it's like it doesn't even bother me anymore. Like, this is something that would have devastated me like six months ago to get like hate comments on my feed. It would definitely devastated me. It would have been like, oh my God, I said something wrong. I've gone too far. I shouldn't have done that. People don't like me. No, not available for that anymore. Like, absolutely not available for that anymore. The way I see it now, honestly, is that especially if you're, especially if you're the kind of woman who's out there wanting to make, you know, you're out there trying to share your gifts, share your magic, share your story, share your message, and make a real impact with it. If you're not pissing someone off, you're not doing it right. Like you have to be willing to piss some people off if you want to make an impact in this world. Because if if there's one thing I think we can all agree on if you follow this podcast, is that this world needs to change. And it's not gonna change by saying the things that are gonna make everyone else around us happy. The only way we get to change the world is by saying the hard things that people don't always want to fucking hear. To say the hard truth, to set the hard boundary, to be really clear about what we will and won't tolerate anymore. And that's the only way we get to make real change and impact. And we can do that from a loving and an empowered place, but that doesn't mean we need to be soft about it, and that doesn't mean we need to be polite about it, and that doesn't mean we need to like, you know, keep our voices down on the conversation, you know? It can come from a confident, strong, empowered place while still keeping other people's integrity in check, you know? And I think that's the important thing. But that doesn't mean that we don't get angry, and that doesn't mean that we don't set boundaries, and that doesn't mean that, you know, we can't call out what's what when something's wrong, you know, and that's that's one thing that I I see so much of in the personal development community and spirit and spiritual community is this fear of being able to call out what's what and being able to take a stand for what's right and what's wrong. And I just think that that shit is just not gonna fly in 2026. If you want to stay neutral, if you want to stay on neutral ground and not stand for anything or or or or share your perspective on hard conversations, good luck. Good luck trying to make it through 2026 with visibility. The 2026 is the year where you know what? If you've not spoken your truth before, if you've not taken really expressed your beliefs and your perspective and took a stand for something that you believed in, good luck. Good luck in 2026, honest to God. And we need it, we need it, we need it now more than ever. Like, take a it feels like the world is burning down around us for Christ's sakes, and it's because it's supposed to be, because it's supposed to be burning down at this moment because we are supposed to make some heavy duty changes in the way that we operate, in the way that our society operates, and the way that our world operates. We are making massive changes, and right now we are seeing what it is that really

Choosing Truth Over Palatability

SPEAKER_00 9:30

does need to change and what we do need to do differently. And it is really fucking uncomfortable, okay? And it is really triggering, and it's supposed to be so that we take appropriate action. Do we can't let this moment pass us by? We just can't. We have to be willing to say the things that we want to say, to say, to do the things that we know feel aligned in our hearts to do, even with nobody agrees with them, because we're meant to make a positive impact in this world and leave it in a better, way better shape than we found it. Okay. That is that is the responsibility for each and every one of us, I believe, especially if you're listening to this podcast. So, you know, for me, like going back to what we're talking about, you know, this whole good girl act and not saying what I was really thinking or feeling, you know, again, this always looked like always trying to say the right thing, do the right thing, not upset anybody with anything that I said, not to piss anyone off or get canceled or get judged or get hate in the comments, right? Like I did today, literally five minutes before hopping on to record this. And always, again, always trying to be positive and high vibe, which I'm so against, like, or or staying neutral, you know. We have to be able to call it like it is. We have to be willing to have difficult conversations, and we have to be willing to be honest. And sometimes honesty is not the easy thing. And sometimes honesty isn't high vibe or positive or you know, love and light. It oftentimes it's not, it's the exact opposite. Truth and authenticity trumps positivity and high vibes for 2026. Can can I get a hell yeah, please? So, you know, like for me, like, you know, like I said, I was watering down my message so much, nobody was hearing what I was saying, not not from any group, not none of them, not just all the groups I was trying to avoid pissing off, but even like my people, my people couldn't see me or hear me. And even if they saw my content, like even if my people would see my content like on their feed or in the podcast or whatever, it something would feel off because it was incongruent. It wasn't really me. My essence wasn't in there, my magic wasn't in there, my personality wasn't in there because I was too busy containing all these different parts of myself to keep them from being seen. I was literally taking myself out. They couldn't not just couldn't see me. They couldn't feel me. And that is what creates movement and impact with the message. When people can feel you in the message, that is what makes the difference. And so when we're constantly compartmentalizing ourselves and hiding all these parts of ourselves, all these feelings, these emotions, these perspectives, these beliefs, these values that we're afraid to put out into the world and take a stand for because we're gonna piss people off or lose people, lose followers, lose likes, lose engagement, lose whatever, we're essentially like cyber people pleasing, right? And we're self-abandoning and leaving parts of ourselves, you know, cutting parts of ourselves out of the equation so that we can show up as this palatable version that we think everyone's gonna like. And you know what? No one likes her. No one shows up for her. That is the fastest way to get yourself invisible online because not only are you, you know, not really speaking to anyone, no one's really, you know, you're not saying anything that of any real meaning or value, or if it is, people can't pick it up because it's so watered down. There's like, did she take a stand? I'm not sure. You know, did she really say what she believed? I don't know, right? Because it's so watered down, people can't tell, right? And so they can't tell where you really stand on the issues, what you really believe in, what you really are willing to take a stand for, what you're all about, because it's all wishy-washy, right? And even if they can see you and hear you and understand what you're trying to say, they don't feel you. And so they can't go on a journey with you. They can't, they can't, they can't move through the experience of what it is that you're sharing. Because whenever we create content, whenever we share a story, we share a message, we share an experience,

Taking A Stand In 2026

SPEAKER_00 13:40

a download, a lesson, a realization, you know, when we put the meaning behind it, when we put all our emotion into it, and we just get into the moment and tell the story of of what it was like from our lens, from our perspective, that's what's gonna resonate with people. And that's the part that's always missing when we're trying to be the good girl, because we're watering it all down and taking out the parts the really, the really, really, the nitty-gritty of what's gonna resonate with people who need to hear it and that that need to take something from that. So you're actually doing a wow disservice when you do that because your message was not only meant to be heard, but it was meant to move people, and it will never move people if you keep watering it down to stay palatable. You have to be willing to be bold, to be unapologetic, to say it the way you're feeling it, and trust that it's gonna be enough, and trust that it's gonna meet the right people, and trust that the right people are gonna hear it and resonate with it and move with it. And that takes a lot of faith, right? Because it comes from and and you know, the faith for me comes from I know the message is not mine, I'm just the channel. And so if I'm res if I'm feeling this message, if I'm receiving this message that I feel that I need to share with the world, I didn't write it. That that is something that's coming through me. So it's my obligation to share it. And that's not because I'm some this magical unicorn creature that has this power of sharing a God-given message to the with the world. We all have that. We all have that. We just need to learn to trust it. And if you've ever worked with me one-on-one, that's what I help you do. I help you to trust that message that's coming through you so you can like filter out all the fucking noise of what everyone else is telling you, all the performative shit that people tell you to do constantly, right? And that's where you kind of tap into the magic. And it's not to say that you know, strategy and things like that don't have a time and place. Of course they do. Of course, they're very valuable, and I I use them in my business every day. But the magic has to come first, the essence has to come first. Everything else is secondary. The problem is that we're constantly taught, and and and especially in this space, to focus on the strategy, to focus on the method, the this, the that. The magic has to come first. Otherwise, you will lose connection with your audience, your message, with your creativity, with your liter literally your divine self. Okay. So, you know, the only way that I, you know, the only way that I broke this pattern was to really just start saying what I was thinking and trusting that it was enough and that it was okay to talk about the things that I was feeling, even if it felt uncomfortable, to again leaning into doing the unpleasing thing, right? And the more I leaned into the things that felt uncomfortable, and the more uncomfortable they felt, the more I knew, like the more important I knew it was for me to lean into those things. Right? So the more uncomfortable something is, you know, we want to shy away from it, we feel like, oh, it's a little too uncomfortable for me. I don't know. The more uncomfortable it is, the more important it is for you to lean into said thing. Because you wouldn't, the the the degree to which you are uncomfortable is directly proportionate to the benefits on the other side of you leaning into that, whatever that discomfort is. So if it's like sharing a story, right? You're you want to share a story. And maybe you're out there like me, you're creating a podcast or you're creating content or you're writing a book or whatever, right? Or maybe you just have to have like a difficult conversation with somebody in your life. The more uncomfortable it is, the more important it is for you to do it. And that's because number one, it's gonna help you to break that pattern of doing not being able to do the uncomfortable thing, right? It's like lifting weights. Every time you lift weight, right, and you're exercising in the gym. What do you what happens? You lift with a certain pound for too long and suddenly, you know, it's like, well, it's not really doing anything. I gotta up the weight. Oh, it's feeling a little uncomfortable. You push and you have to keep going, right? Same thing here, right? The more you go, the more the more you have to do, you have to step up the discomfort just a little bit. But also that level of discomfort is directly

Let Them Feel You, Not Just See You

SPEAKER_00 18:10

proportionate to the rewards on the other side of you doing whatever that thing is. So if you're trying to share a message, and I always say this when I'm working with my clients one-on-one, it's that thing that you're so fucking afraid to say online, that's gonna be the thing that actually gets you as visible as fuck. Because you would not be so afraid of it if there wasn't massive growth and expansion on the other side of it. And if it wasn't the exact thing that you needed, you wouldn't be so afraid of it if it wasn't the exact thing that your soul came here to say, and that's why it's got your ego like freak the fuck out. So honestly, the stuff that you're that that are most uncomfortable for you to talk about, that are scariest for you to say and put out there into the world, that's oh, that's literally where the gold is every fucking time. And this is something that I've really like, you know, I've really just made like in the last like year of when, you know, as my podcast grew in, I finally, you know, literally 10x my downloads and you know, hit top 10% worldwide. Like this was this was the thing that got me there. I started saying, okay, well, how can I be more mean? What parts of myself am I holding back? And what would I say here differently if I wasn't afraid of what everybody else was gonna say or think? Like what's the thing that I'm afra that I'm not saying right now that I that I know in my heart I should be saying? And that was for me, was a game changer, right? Even like now, as I'm talking, I'm like, I meant you don't know this because I just keep talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. But every now and then I'm checking in and like, okay, am I actually saying everything that I want to say, or is did I hold something back? Like, is there more I could say here, right? And when I pause, that's often what I'm doing. I'm saying, okay, is there more that I can say here that I'm not saying because I'm afraid people aren't gonna like it or people are gonna get offended or I'm gonna get canceled or deleted or whatever, whatever people do these days, right? You have to lean into that because that's the thing. If you're it, like I said, that's what actually breaks the pattern as you know, and and helps you flex your authenticity muscles and you're trusting your intuition and trusting what's coming through you, right? But also, you know, that's where you're bound to make the most impact and get the the most visible, is because you're saying the uncomfortable thing that nobody else is willing to say. So you're out there fucking saying it, and now people are listening. And some people may like it, and some people may not, and that's fine. And I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that. Honestly, I'm okay with that. Last year, two years, no, two years ago, if you had told me that, I would not have been okay with that. Now I'm fucking okay with that. I'm actually really good with that because I know I can just tell by the comments and my account and who's commenting and who who's who my content is resonating with and who it isn't. I know that I'm resonating with the right people. And that to me means way more than getting approval from all the wrong people who I'm not meant to be speaking to, right? And not taking a stand for what it is that I truly, truly, truly 1000% believe in. At the end of the day, and I'm gonna I'm gonna leave this here, you know. I want to know that 10 years from now, five years from now, and this is very much pertaining to not just what we're talking about today, but just current events in general. I want to know five years from now that I took a stand for something, and I I I took a stand for being on the right side of history. Because we are in a very we are in a very transformational part of our evolution as a human speech species, okay? We are at a massive point of transformation. Not everybody's gonna transform, not everybody's gonna come along for the ride. That's okay, and that's kind of what's meant to be. But the point is, is that I know change is coming.

Courage, Discomfort, And The Real Gold

SPEAKER_00 22:00

We can see change as necessary. We can, we can see that plain as day. And I'm I'm proud of myself, regardless of what everyone else says or thinks. You know, I needed, I, for me, I've to be good with myself, I need to know that when I had the opportunity to say something, I said it. And that I will look back on this moment and say, you know what? I didn't have much, I didn't have much of a following, I didn't have much clout, I didn't have much of anything, but I took what I had and I I made it, I said what I felt and and what I thought. And I and I took a stance for what I believed in. And when we can do that and show up as our whole self and bring our our whole being to the conversation, that is when we make the impact that we're here to make. Whether it's for one people, ten people, our communities, our families, our schools, our work. You know, maybe it is a larger collective. Who knows? For each one of us, it'll be different. But we're not going to be making the impact that we came here to make if we're not bringing our whole self to the conversation. Like your whole self needs to be involved in the conversation. So, you know, I just want to leave you with where do you need to drop the good girl act? Where is that good girl act keeping you from being, you know, keeping you stuck, keeping you from being visible and making the impact that you came here to make? Where is it keeping you from really saying what it is that you need to say and and and what you're feeling needs to be communicated or needs to come through you? Like, where is that holding you back? And where is that putting a veil between who you are and who you were really meant to be? And how can you learn to pull the veil off and be more authentic in how you express yourself, right? And and bring more of the real you to the conversation every time or to every interaction, to every exchange that you have, whether it's online, whether it's in person, whether it's a total stranger, whether it's your best, closest friend, or your dearest family member. You know, how can you bring more of yourself to each and every interaction? And, you know, just bring all those parts of you back that you've been hiding from the world and let them have a seat at the table, you know, because it's your whole, it's all of who you are that's going to make the biggest impact on the world. Because, like I said, that's when people are really going to feel you. Anyone can see you physically, but can they feel you? That's what really makes a difference between visibility and that's where people get visibility all wrong. They think it's people like you need they need to see more of you, you need to shout more, you need to put more content out there. No, they need to feel you. Feeling leads to visibility, not seeing. Anyway, that's my two cents on that, anyway. So let me know which part of this resonates or what you're going to take away from it. I'm really curious if you can journal on some of those questions that I gave you at the end, what comes through for you. Please feel free to DM me and let me know. We do have more raid circles coming up, so more to come out on that. And if you love this episode, leave a positive rating and review wherever you're seeing this. Until next time, you guys, massive love.