Stop Shrinking | The Truth About Visibility No Coach Will Tell You

If you’ve tried every strategy, template, and swipe file, and still hear crickets…it’s not because you’re broken. The real problem isn’t strategy; it’s safety. Your body equates visibility with danger, and until you honor that, no tactic will work.

In this unapologetically honest episode of The Femme Cast, I share my personal story of ghosting social media for two and a half years, spiraling through burnout, fear, and self-doubt, until I finally realized: visibility is a safety issue, not a strategy problem. We unpack the five core visibility fears; failure & success, scarcity, judgment, rejection, and speaking your truth, and explore where they come from, how they silently hold you back, and why honoring your emotions is the key to real impact.

You’ll learn how to:

🎤 Regulate your nervous system before posting
🎤 Build confidence through gentle exposure
🎤 Protect your energy and set practical boundaries
🎤 Share your intuitive gifts publicly with self-trust
🎤 Turn triggers, trolls, and fear into fuel for growth

This episode is for ambitious, soul-led women ready to step into their power, be seen, and create aligned income without shrinking, hiding, or over-performing. If you’ve been avoiding the spotlight, fearing judgment, or craving recognition while doubting your voice, you’re not alone, and this conversation is your wake-up call.

Transcript

Strategy Helps, Until It Doesn’t

Visibility Is A Safety Issue

Toxic Takes In Coaching Spaces

Emotions As Guidance System

When Energy Says Please Don’t See Me

My Two-Year Social Media Ghosting

Burnout From Avoiding The Real Work

Building Immunity To Judgment

Sharing Intuitive Gifts Publicly

The Five Core Visibility Fears

A Grounding Exercise To Begin

Client Stories & Real Roots Of Fear

Closing & How To Connect

Go Through The Storm To Heal

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Hey you guys, what is up and welcome back to the show? I am so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Welcome if you're new. Let's dive in, guys. So today I wanted to talk about the truth that other coaches will not tell you about visibility and being seen. It's it's it's naming the thing that everything else is afraid to say because if they actually said it, how on earth would they ever tell you or sell to you their strategies and their five-step systems and their templates and their prompts and their this and their that? Listen, all that stuff is very valuable when it comes to visibility and showing up online. I'm not saying that it's not. It definitely has a place. It absolutely has a place. I use it, I give it to my clients. I use it all the time in my work, right? I always have templates, I always have prompts, I always, you know, I'm always kind of tweaking and perfecting my strategy to find what works and what doesn't, and blah, blah, blah, blah. All that stuff is important. I'm not saying that it's not. However, if you have a visibility block, none of that stuff will help you. And the problem is that, you know, people keep going through coach after coach after coach, system after system after system, training after training after training, trying to find a strategy that works for them. Because no one ever actually said the thing that they needed to look at, and that was their their visibility wounds and the reasons why they don't feel safe being seen. Visibility is a safety issue, not a strategy issue. There are a million strategies out there, all of which work, at least for, you know, some people, right? Like not all strategies work for everyone. I believe that, you know, for each of us, there's always like, you know, there, there's there's strategies out there depending on who we are and and and our vibe and you know, the content that we like to share in our audience. Like there's so many factors that go into it, right? But I believe there's a strategy for everybody, and I believe there's multiple strategies for everybody. But if you've tried every strategy under the sun, like I did, and nothing's working, and you're getting burnt out and you're getting frustrated, and you want to burn it all down, and you want to start over again, and then you do, you burn it all down, and then you do start over again, and you think this is gonna be the thing, this is perfect, this is it, and still you get nothing, you get crickets. It comes down to visibility, and that's the that's the thing that all these strategy coaches are not telling you. I actually saw a post, I actually saw a post from a great, don't get me wrong, she's a great coach. I love her, I think she's amazing, and her strategies do work, absolutely, but sometimes I don't know what it is. It's like this oh, it's it's the opposite of if you can't beat him, join him. It's more like if you can't beat them, discredit them completely, you know? Like it's like, you know, I I see I I I saw a post where she basically said, you know, you can do all the healing in the world that you want, but at the end of the day, it's your strategy. That's the problem, right? And it's like, God, like, why, why there's so many coaches out there that are that are just snubbing healing work, that are just snubbing the fact that, you know, doing the energy work and the emotional healing work and and and diving in to to to do like the the the self-exploration to really honor what's coming up for you, to honor your emotion, to see where it's coming from, to like they're just frowning on it. And it's so fucked up to me. And for the longest time, it almost made me like uncomfortable to talk about it. Because it's like, oh my God, am I doing something wrong by talking about this work? Am I am I sending people down a path that they don't need to go on? And it's so it's oh my god, I get so frustrated. And finally, I'm like, uh no, the only reason why they're doing that is because, and I hate to say this, but the only reason why coach like other people in the personal development space, and let me tell you something, the personal development space has become one of the most toxic communities I've ever seen online. Okay. That's not to say that they're all toxic, absolutely not. There's amazing people out there. I have worked with some amazing coaches and healers. I have some amazing coaches and healers in my community. You know, like there's tons, but there's also for everyone that there's, you know, good quality coaches and healers out there. There's also like for each one, there's like five or six toxic coaches and healers out there, okay? Or people who are just not, you know, acting out of ego and not out of their higher self. And I think that that's really important. And that's something that we really need to be careful of, especially in the space where we come to for healing and for guidance and support. I mean, I I could do a whole series on how when I came into the personal development community to actually work on myself and do my own healing, how I was almost re-traumatized again and again and again and and literally like set back because I mean, and I'm at the end of the day, it wasn't in vain because it actually supports the work that I do. But so I was meant to go down that path, and I fully believe that. But my God, like somebody, like I I just think of so many people like, you know, leaning in and giving their power away to these healers and coaches and not realizing how how hurtful sometimes some of these methods and these beliefs actually are. It's just, it's, it's, you know, and and there's always like there's like this unwritten or this unspoken rule. Well, actually, it's not that it's unspoken, it has been spoken many times, where you know, we're not we're not supposed to, you know, call it out when we see it. And it's, you know, but you know what? And I I just think we need to be okay with calling up things that could get people into trouble, you know, if if you're not careful. Like it's not to say that we just need to be aware. We need to be aware, we need to be informed, we need to know when we're going into any space, especially the personal development space. We need to know where we're at and what we're struggling with. And we've we need to be able to find the guides, the teachers, the coaches, the healers who are where we want to be, and it can help us kind of move through whatever it is that we're moving through, but also doing so in a very empowered way. Okay. Very important here. Do not give your power away to any coach or healer. Okay. So that being said, you know, there is there's so much in the personal development space where, especially when it comes to business and strategy coaching, where they just like poo-poo all over the emotional healing work. They just poo-poo all over, you know, having, you know, feeling uh some uncomfortable feeling and and and moving through it and transmuting it and doing the healing work, doing the deeper reflection, understanding, you know, why you might be struggling the way that you are. You know, there's there's just too much narrative out there about just ignoring it and moving past it and just, you know, focusing on what you want and not on what you don't, and which I agree with to a certain degree, but we have to be willing to move through the discomfort and be willing to explore why the discomfort is there. Essentially, what this comes down to is that as a humanity, we've created a very negative relationship with our emotional experience, with our emotional body. These emotions are bad, these emotions are good. I'm not supposed to feel this, I'm supposed to always feel that. I'm supposed to avoid feeling this, I'm supposed to always feel that. So when I feel this, I'm just going to numb it, ignore it, suppress it, project it, dump it onto other people, do whatever I need to do to get rid of that. So I can just focus on feeling that, right? And nothing, nothing can be farther from the truth. Our emotional experience, whether it feels good or not when we're in it, is all serving. Every single emotion under the sun serves us in a powerful way. We just need to learn how to move through it properly and in a healthy way. And when we do that, we can do that quickly, we can do that easily, and we can extract the wisdom that our emotions are our feedback, they're energetic feedback on how aligned we are and where we need to make adjustments along the way, where we need to, hey, this is a green light to keep going. Hey, this is a yellow light where we need to maybe kind of pay attention and tweak our direction. This is a red light, we need to stop. We can't keep going down this road, we got to shift directions, right? That this is these, this is what our emotions are trying to communicate to us. And there's just too much narrative around that is encouraging you to avoid what your emotions are trying to tell you. And so when I see posts, like maybe the only reason why your content stops working is your strategy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do all the healing work, or you can just copy my strategy, or you can just copy my template, or you can just copy my five-step method, and everything will magically be solved. Like I said, that will work for some people, but if your challenge, your struggle is coming from a fear of being seen, it does not matter which strategy you use. None of it will work. Because energetically, what you're saying to the world when you share your messages, your stories, your gifts is oh my God, please don't look at me. Don't see me. Don't look at my profile. Don't go to my website. For God's sakes, don't look at my offers, don't read my book, don't listen to my podcast, ignore every fucking reel that I put out into the world. Please don't see me. I'm I'm scared, I'm afraid, I don't want you to see me, I don't want you to look at me. That's that's that's the energy that you're bringing when you share. So it doesn't matter what strategy you use, what template you use, what formula, what hashtags, what SEO, what whatever posting schedule, it doesn't matter. None of it fucking matters because the only thing that your post or your content or your story or your message or your gifts or whatever it is that you're sharing is saying is please don't fucking see me because I don't feel safe being seen. And there is not a strategy under the sun that will work with that other than paying attention to, okay, well, why am I afraid? What is it that I'm afraid is gonna happen if people actually see me? Right? And I can tell you, like from personal experience, like this is the girl, you're you're talking to the girl. Well, you're not talking, you're listening to the girl. You're listening to the girl who ghosted social media for two and a half years because it did not feel safe to be seen in a very volatile environment, right? Where everybody was just like people were getting canceled left, right, and center. People were getting haters in the comments, like it was just like people, people's reels were being put out with other people like commenting on why they were so shit. It was just such an insane time to be posting online. And I can remember getting so anxious every time I went to post, and I would get in my head, and I would like, okay, I want to, I wanna, you know, I want to create a reel or I want to create an episode. Okay, and I would sit down and I would go and I would create it. I'm like, okay, but if I say that, those people are gonna get offended. Oh my god, if I say that, that could be dangerous. Oh my god, this could set people off. Oh my god, this could be triggering. Oh my god, this, oh my god, that. Oh, they're gonna get mad. To the point where I was like, fuck it. Like, I just I wouldn't post anything. And, you know, I would get so mentally exhausted and depleted from having to like fear about all this like retaliatory stuff, right? To my posting, I would get burnt out, I wouldn't post anything, then I would try again, and then the same thing would happen, and then I would post something, and then I'm two seconds later, I'd be like, Oh my god, fucking take it down. I would delete it. Or, you know, I would post it, it would get no likes and comments. I'm like, oh my God, like I'm either I'm I'm I'm I'm triggering people, people don't like what I'm posting, nobody's paying attention. Oh my god, am I like shadow banned? And like all these things are going through my mind, right? And so after like a few months, I got totally burnt out. I tried every strategy under the sun, nothing was working. I tried it, I tried posting more, I tried posting less. I got like so fucking burnt out because there was just so much going on. There was so much mental noise from trying X, Y, and Z and all this the self-doubt and the fear that was coming up. But also, I think the you know, the exhaustion comes from the fact that, you know, there is something that we're avoiding within us. And when we're trying to avoid something within us, we get burned out because it's like we're constantly, it's like we're swimming upstream. It's like there's an energetic force that's forcing us to look at something, to see something, to move through something, to experience something. And we just keep like kicking the can and trying to avoid it, right? And so I boasted. I dropped off the face of the social media earth for two and a half years. I was still posting on my podcast, but very sporadically. I wouldn't promote it anywhere. Nobody saw or heard from me for two and a half years. And I was somebody who used to love posting on social media, and now I suddenly hated it because it just felt so stressful. It would put me in so much anxiety. I would literally burn out. And, you know, again, you know, I would burn out, take a hiatus, one, you know, burn it all down, start over again, find a new strategy, think this is gonna be the thing that solves everything, go full force, only to end up in the exact same boat. And I went through the cycle several times until I finally said, you know what? That's it. I can't do this anymore. I am done. I am tired. I pulled the plug. I didn't know it was gonna be for two and a half years. I don't know what I thought actually. I actually think I convinced myself I hated posting on social media, which, as you can tell from following me now is entirely fucking untrue. I actually love posting on social media. It was just my visibility block that was making me feel like I hated it because it felt so shitty to do. So, all that to say, you know, if you suddenly hate posting on social media, if you feel exhausted, if you feel burnt out, if it it brings up so much anxiety and stress and overwhelm and fear and insecurity in you, if you're constantly worried about what everyone else is gonna think or say every time you post, or, you know, whether this group is gonna get offended, whether that gonna get triggered, where you're gonna get canceled, or you're gonna get shadow banned, is your ex-boyfriend gonna be making fun of you when he's looking at your feed or you know, whatever, right? If you're worried about what you look like, if you put on weight, you broke out, whatever. Like there's so many things that go through your head. All of it has absolutely nothing to do with your strategy and everything to do with visibility. And visibility is 1,000% safety, not strategy. Okay, so we have to look at why you don't feel safe being seen. And that that is your key to getting the visibility that you actually want, you know? At the end of the day, I believe that most of us who are here to do big things will have a visibility wound. I don't and I don't think that that's random because I think you know, the ego is always afraid of anything that's gonna expand you. So if you have a gift, a story, or a message to share with the world, that's important in some way, shape, or form, and it's gonna expand you, your ego's gonna make sure you're afraid of it, right? It's just it's just it's a given. And it's part of what stretches you, it's part of what helps you to grow into who you need to be in order to share that message. Because for a lot of us, especially right now, especially right now, if you're somebody who's a coach or a healer or a storyteller who's meant to do big things in the world, we're meant to create massive change and transformation right now. That is why we're here. That is why we're alive today, and that's why there's this calling on your heart. And we are we're not meant to keep doing things the way that we have been doing them. We can clearly see that every time we turn on the social media or the news, or I was gonna say the Facebook, like my mom, the Facebook. But we can see things need to change. Like it's the moment is here, the moment is it has arrived, and we can see it as plain as day that shit that has been happening in the world cannot come with us. And so when we have a message that brings change, that brings transformation, that brings healing, that forces us to look at things that maybe we don't want to look at and do things differently in ways that we've never done them before, we're gonna get some resistance, we're gonna get some pushback, and we need to be able to move through that resistance and push back. And what better way to strengthen those muscles than to have some visibility wounds to move through, right? Because when when we start to move through them and we start to develop our immunity to external judgments or you know, trolls or whatever, we become so much more powerful as speakers, healers, teachers, guides, whatever, right? I mean, I can I when I think back to how anxious I was two and a half years ago, and now I actually get fucking excited when I have trolls on my post because number one, it tells me that my message it's it's resonating. And and yeah, maybe it's I'm getting tooth bubbles, it is resonating, it is triggering, and that is what my message is supposed to do. It's supposed to fucking trigger people, it's supposed to fucking activate people. So I know that if it's triggering people on the other side, you know, who are you know, my message isn't for, then I know that my message is landing and it's resonating and it's making a fucking impact, it's making some ripples in the water, and I am happy about that. Also, I'm also happy when they come to my fucking feed and comment on my post because it's actually boosting the algorithm. I actually had an interaction with somebody last week during the Super Bowl when I posted about that, and I was like, and she she was just trolling my fucking feed. And I was like, oh my god, thank you so much for boosting the algorithm for me. Really appreciate you coming out. Bless your heart. I think the blessed your heart really pissed her off because she kept coming back until I said the bless your heart, and then she disappeared. Anyway, all that to say, this would not have been me two and a half years ago. Two and a half years ago, I would have like crawled under a rock and been terrified that I pissed people off, that I said the wrong thing, that people were making fun of me, that people were hating on me, people were talking shit behind my back. And it would just completely derail me. And that that is not where I'm at today. Now I can let people, I can let the haters and the bystanders kind of think what they want because I know who I'm here to speak to and I'm, I know I'm what I'm here to say to them. And I can I can trust that that is enough. And I don't need to pay attention to all the other fucking noise out there. You know, that is what a healed visibility wound actually looks like. It's when you can actually come out into the world, share your message unapologetically, share your gifts unapologetically, and trust that everything is going to be okay. And trust that the people who are meant to hear you will hear you, the people who are meant to find you will find you, whether that's a community of 10 people or 10 million people. It does not matter. What matters is that you are speaking to the right people at the right place at the right time, and you're saying exactly what your soul came here to say, or share what your soul came here to share. Your gifts, your magic, your whatever it is that you're that you're that you're creating in the world, your story, right? And letting that just be enough, right? And really just trusting that and owning that. I actually just posted to my feed this morning for the first time in years, actually, I don't think I've ever posted publicly, doing actual like energy healing and intuitive guidance, which I used to always do publicly, privately in my in my private Facebook group back in the day. If you're an OG, you remember that. I never did it publicly before, ever. This is like the first time I've ever publicly shared it to my feed, right? Like where I'm actually in the moment channeling. Yeah, I've shared some intuitive cards before and wrote a message underneath. I I was always doing it like what's it called? Very covertly, right? This is the first time I actually. They posted a video of me just, you know, doing my healing work and my guidance work. And it felt really good to finally do. It felt very like I actually feel, and this is what'll happen. You'll notice this when you start to move through your visibility wounds and you start to clear them. Every time you clear through a block, you start to feel more expansive. You start to feel more inspired. You start to feel energized and more empowered. And that's exactly how I feel right now in this moment because I moved through a massive block this morning. So yay me. I'm patting myself on the back right now. I moved through a massive block this morning. And that was that fear of what people would think if I shared my intuitive gifts and my healing gifts with the world openly, publicly like that, right? A, because I always thought people would think I was crazy into woo-woo because, you know, for years I was so strategic and logical, right? But also, you know, for me, like, you know, my upbringing really frowned upon my spiritual gifts, right? My religious background. Like it literally made everything almost demonic and something to be ashamed of and to hide from the world. It's not something that you put out into the world. You know what I mean? So stay tuned for an episode on my my path with religion and healing and God, because that'll be a good episode. Maybe I'll do that one next. I had another one planned, but maybe we'll do that one next because I think that one's important to do right now. But you know, like all that to say, you know, when you can trust that whatever is on your heart to share with the world, right? And this is one thing that we talk about when we talk about visibility blocks, right? And there are the five blocks, right? There's the fear of failure and success. That's a big one that comes up a lot. There's the fear of scarcity, that's one I really struggled with. There's the fear of judgment, there's the fear of rejection, and then there's the fear of speaking your truth, right? All of these five. These are the five cores. Now you can have, and I have a masterclass on this, but I think I'm gonna actually revisit that and probably do it as a series because I feel like it was just, it's it's too much to try and pack it all into one thing. But all that to say, you know, you can have a combination of any of the above, but those usually are the core, right? Those are the core five blocks that I see again and again and that I've experienced. But, you know, whatever your fear of visibility, wherever it comes from, you know, the important thing is to remember that if there is something on your heart that you want to share with the world and you keep hearing it and you keep feeling it, like I have to do this work, I have to share this story, I have to share this message, I have to share this experience, I have to write a book, create a podcast, get my healing certification, you know, whatever it is. And I think so many people are gonna be waking up to their gifts in the next little, especially in this year of the horse. I think so many people are gonna be waking up to their gifts this year. I'm just feeling magic and fire, like just, oh my, okay, so there's a message. So maybe I have to do another. I think I might have to do another channeling after this. But sorry, coming, let me just come back for a second, because I just completely derailed into an intuitive. See, this is what happens when I turn on my intuitive gifts. Sometimes I can't turn them off, and I feel like it just takes me and I can't like stay on, can't stay on the conversation. You're seeing, you're witnessing this now in real time. Okay. Where was I? So depending on what it doesn't matter which block you have, right? If you're afraid to share your gifts or your message with the world, right? It you have to remember that if there is something on your heart that you want to share a story, a message, a healing gift, an art, anything, you have to trust that if it is in your heart and it keeps calling you, do this work, share this with the world, create that podcast, create that Instagram account, get that certification, it's because there's somebody out there in the world who needs what you have. And when you can trust that that's what you were created to do, and no matter no matter what happens, that you will be protected and supported when you do that work, one way or another. And have faith in that. And just keep coming back to that every time you feel that block come up, every time you feel that resistance come up, every time you feel that anxiety come up. If you can just come back to that one belief, it changes everything. It fucking changes everything. Like I'm not even kidding, okay? So here was here is what I would like you, invite you to do if you're in a quiet space and if you can do this right now, or you can always just save this and come back to it later. I just want you to take a deep breath and I want you to get centered where you are right now. I want you to plant your butt in your chair below you, wherever you're sitting on a chair or on a couch, on the floor, whatever. I just want you to sit your butt down, feel yourself getting anchored into the surface beneath you. I want you to imagine like roots growing out of your sit bones and into the earth below you. So you're feeling grounded, so you're feeling supported. And then I want you to tune into your heart space. And I want you to tune into maybe what it is that you want to share with the world. What is it that you want to create? What is it that you want to put out there? What would you want to say? If I was to give you the mic for just, and I this is something that I usually ask guests on my show, but if I was to give you the mic to speak to women or anybody all over the world and share your gifts, your message, your story, what would that be? And if I were to put you in front of an audience right now of 10,000 people sitting there quietly looking at you, waiting for you to speak, how do you feel? That is very important. And if it feels uncomfortable for you, if it feels like, I mean, it'll always be a little unnerving, even for me. It would be like, oh, okay, yeah, I feel a little nervous. Like, what if I fuck this up? But if I just take a deep breath and come back to my heart space and say, okay, you know what? I know these people were brought here because I'm here to share a message and I'm just gonna trust that message as it comes, right? So it, you know, comes back to again self-trust, trusting the magic, trusting that you've been whatever it is that you've been gifted with, it's because it's needed in the world, right? But if it makes you really nervous, if it makes you really scared, if it makes you really uncomfortable, that's something to pay attention to. A lot of my clients, you know, they have a really hard time posting online. A lot of my clients, some of them, some of them didn't even post a photo of themselves until they started working with me. Some of them were refused, like you didn't even see, you didn't even see their face anywhere on their profile until they started working with me because they were they had such deep visibility wounds, and they were basically convincing themselves that if I could just post this image or this quote or this picture or this whatever, you know, it would be fine. But nobody was seeing them, nobody knew who they were. Is this even a real person? Is this AI? Like, what is this, right? Especially if you're somebody who has a story to share, an impact to make in the world, right? People want to see you, they want to hear you, they want to know who you are, what you're all about, what you stand for, what you don't, what you what you like, what you don't like, where you've been, right? And so so many like just didn't want to post a picture, didn't want to do a face-to-face reel. You couldn't even hear their voice. Some of them were just posting everybody else's quotes and not their own, you know, because there was so much fear. And it's not a judgment. It's not a judgment, it's actually a very real thing, right? A lot of these women, you know, either, and I'm just speech, I'm not speaking about any one person right now. I'm just speaking like generally, some of the women that I've worked with, you know, they were in very, very abusive relationships in the past, and they were afraid that their ex would see them, right? So they had, and and for many, this was valid, right? So we, you know, we had to work through a lot of that. A lot of them were bullied in school when they were kids. A lot of them, you know, were picked up picked on by their narcissistic parent and constantly criticized and put down and belittled and made to feel small. And who are you to to talk like that or speak up like that, or you know, they just learned to keep it down and and and did everything to avoid their parents noticing them because they know that if their parents noticed them, all they would get would be picked on and ridiculed and bullied by them, right? And these were really deep wounds. And some of them even went into past life wounding, right? When we started to go in a little bit deeper. But as we do the work and as we start to pay attention to, okay, well, where is this fear coming from and why is this here for me? And and how can I move through it? You know, it just happens faster. People say, Oh, you don't have to like do all that work to heal, you can just decide. That's actually the longer road because you're just gonna keep coming up against yourself. Whereas if you actually just you know, like the butt, you know how they say the buffalo actually they don't try and go around the storm, they actually go right through the storm, and that's actually the fastest way out of it. It's the same fucking thing. Sorry, I'm yelling, you guys. I don't mean to yell at you, but seriously, it's the same fucking thing. I'm so sick and tired of this fucking narrative, but you can just choose to move through it quickly, you can just decide not by avoiding it. You have to you have to deal with what's coming up and trust that it has a fucking message for you, and trust that it's here to help you and empower you in ways that you never even fucking dreamed possible. Okay, that's it. I've had it. That's enough for today, you guys. Okay, let me know how this lands and how this resonates for you. If you love this episode, please leave a positive rating and review. And of course, if you have any questions, you can always reach out to me at the Femcast on Instagram. I love to get DMs from you guys. Until next time, massive love.