Not All Men… But Which Ones? | Rape Culture, Misogyny & Women’s Safety

Sixty-two million visits to an “online rape academy”… and the loudest response online is debating the numbers.

This episode of The Femme Cast goes where most conversations won’t. It names the deeper truth: when violence against women gets reduced to stats, we expose how normalized misogyny, exploitation, and assault have become, both online and in real life.

I share the emotional weight this story carries and a personal experience of being followed home just days before the headlines broke. The reality is, women aren’t guessing. Hypervigilance is learned. Checking the backseat, changing routes, gripping keys as protection… this isn’t paranoia, it’s survival.

We break down the data honestly: visits vs. unique users, and why even conservative estimates still point to millions engaging, observing, or choosing silence. Because the real issue isn’t whether it’s “all men”… it’s that women cannot tell who is safe. Predators don’t announce themselves. Sometimes, they’re strangers. Sometimes, they’re trusted partners. Sometimes they’re the person sleeping next to us at night. 

This conversation challenges:

🎤 the obsession with statistics over morality
🎤 the culture of “not all men” as a deflection from accountability
🎤 the conditioning that teaches women to be careful instead of teaching men not to harm women

We also get clear on what real allyship looks like: reporting abuse, refusing complicity, speaking up, and actively rebuilding trust through action, not defensiveness.

Because this isn’t just about one site. It’s about a system that protects predators and questions women.

Transcript

Online Rape Academy Fallout

Followed Home And Fear

Visits Versus Unique Users

The Range And The Reality

Why Women Get Blamed

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I'm so excited and grateful to have you guys here. Today was supposed to be a very different episode of the Femcast as we are marking a new A new phase of the journey here on the show, a new direction that I've been feeling called to go in. But and I will do that, and we're still going in that direction. That hasn't changed. This is actually very aligned with that new direction, but not the episode I had planned to introduce this new direction, put it that way, but probably very appropriate. As many of you are probably feeling right now, the news last week of the online rape academy really left an unsettled feeling for me in my emotionally, mentally in my body. It was just horrific to read those headlines and to, you know, unfortunately go down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out, you know, is this true? Because you know, you have to, unfortunately, we have to ask these days, right? Oh, I have so many things to say. And I apologize for that long pause, but I'm sure as for many of you, like this feels so heavy for so many reasons. And I do have some notes today. I actually did do a little bit of research today because I want to be very careful in my approach, not from a place of not, this is not from a place of not believing women or not needing to justify that this is from a place of, you know, I've heard all the comments online that have been probably more disturbing than the discovery that this exists, and the fact that there is more men out there arguing over logistics or s or data rather than actually saying, hey, this is wrong. You know, oh it's 62, it's 62 million visits, not necessarily 62 million men, blah blah blah blah. Yeah, okay, I get it. I get it. As a content creator, I get it. There's a big difference between unique visits versus actual website visits. I get that. But the fact remains that instead of acknowledging, instead of these men being shocked that this website exists, they're out there in the comments arguing that it's 62, it's not necessarily 62 million men and that it's not all men. Okay, well, yeah, okay, fine, it's not all men, but which one of you is it? Because we don't know. And that is the big problem with all of this, is that you guys aren't the guys who are doing this aren't walking around with a sign on their head. And even if they were, I mean, why would we believe them? We have no reason to. Because, and and here's the thing, and here's what this makes me so angry about. There's so many things about this that make me angry, and I'm trying really hard not to get emotional in this episode. But it is, it is really starting to feel like this society that we live in has normalized an assault on women, has normalized objectifying, oppressing, and abusing women, and making us the problem when we call it out. And it's happening on such a large scale. And I think it's in the fact that we've been taught to be shameful, be to be quiet about it, to not talk about it, to be, to be that it has gotten as far as it has, and I think farther than any of us had ever, really, ever imagined. I mean, on one level, I was so shocked by this, and on the other level, I kind of wasn't, because I knew there was this underpinning vibe of this hatred and animosity towards women, and yet every time we stand up for ourselves and for our rights and for our future and for our opportunities, we're the ones that are being told that we hate men, but we're not attacking men. We're the ones that are being attacked constantly, mentally, physically, emotionally. And this was coming when when this episode came, when this news broke, I was a couple of days after, like on the heels of, you know, being followed home from my parking, the parking, the parking lot that I park in every night that was like two, three blocks from my home, literally being followed from my car and having to like dodge two guys who were following me who cut through an alley to intercept me on the other side on my way home. And I had to dodge and go all the way the other direction so that these guys did not see where I live. And I was literally running through alleys trying to get away from these guys because they tried to intercept me. And then I just got home and I put my stuff down and I sat on my couch and I was just shaking. And then a couple of days later, this news comes out, and I'm just like, okay, it's not all men, but which one, which ones are you? Because we don't know just from looking at you which category you fall into. Okay. So all that aside, let's break down some statistics, okay? Because I actually did some, I didn't do research. I actually asked ChatGPT to do some research for me. Okay. So let's break this down. So it wasn't 62 million men, it was 62 million times men visited this online, so-called online rape academy. Not so-called, it is an online rape academy. Sorry, let me correct myself there. So 62 million times men visited an online rape academy. So take that in. 62 million times in one month that men visited an online rape academy. That's still a lot by any standard. I don't care if it's not 62 individual men. The fact that 62 million men in one month thought that it was a good idea to visit this rape academy. Okay. Now, if we take 62 million as the number of men who visited, that would literally make up 1.5% of the male population in the world. Okay, but it's not. Thank God for that. It's 62 million times men visited. Okay, so, or people visited. We don't know if they're men, could be women, who knows? You never know. So, understanding 62 million unique visits in one month. Okay, so that is. Let me just put this into perspective for you, okay? I'm yelling into my mic right now because I'm really angry and I do have notes in front of me, so I am reading notes. I apologize. I don't normally do this, but this is statistics. 62 million times in one month, okay, that a man wanted to drug and rape a woman and wanted to find out how, or a man wanted to pay for and watch a woman being drugged and raped while she was unconscious. A man even just was rape curious and wanted to find out more about the process, the site, who was on it. Maybe they even found it like entertaining or amusing, who knows? They wanted to see what it was all about. And it was also 62 million times, or partly, all of these things are reasons why people could have visited 62 million times in one month. Of that 62 million times, you know, someone was complicit in all these people, 62 million times that somebody visited this site in one month, 62 million times in one month, that men saw this site and were complicit enough not to fucking report it. Whether you were trying to rape someone, teaching someone how to rape someone, buying videos or access to videos to watch someone being drugged and raped, or whether you were just rape curious or rape academy curious and wanted to find out what the fucking buzz was all about. That is 62 million opportunities that men had to report this website to the authorities and did not. I want you to let that sink in for a second. Because nothing makes me angrier than seeing shit like this, especially in this moment that we're in right now, with the e-file still having not been released, where we're literally our rights are being eroded slowly but surely. And now to see this again, it raises the question okay, fine, fine, not all men, but how many of you are there? And how do we know which one's which? How do we know who to trust? Because I can tell you right now, up until this point, for me, it was can I can I trust these two guys walking following me into the alley on my way home? And many of you might say, Well, why are you walking in an alley? Because that is unfortunately the path that I have to take in order to go home from the parking lot, unless I go all the way around the freaking block. And usually in broad, and usually in broad daylight, it's okay. But this this this particular week in broad daylight was not okay. And I could not have anticipated that. So it's about being, and and why, and why should I have to be careful about which route I take home? I am tired of being careful about which route to take home. I am tired of having to check the backseat of my car if it's nighttime out. And I'm, or I have to look behind me if I'm walking through an underground parking garage, or I have to, you know, walk with my keys like like firmly fisted into my hand in case I need to use them as a weapon. This is the thing women have to do. And to the men who say, well, that's not all men, okay, well, that's fine, but how do I know which one is which? I don't. And if men had an opportunity 62 million times in one month to report a site where women were being unconscious, being being drugged to unconsciousness so they could be raped and videotaped and publicly humiliated against their will, how will I know? Because these weren't the guys that were following them home. These were the guys that were waiting for them in a part dark parking lot. These guys weren't the ones that were, that were hiding in the backseat of their car for them to jump at them the minute they got into their car and started the car. These were the guys they were coming home to, most part. Most of these were husbands or boyfriends or live-in partners who were trying to find a way to drug their partner without them knowing and without them having any recollection of what was happening to them, so that they could record them being raped and publish those videos and sell them online. The women had no recollect, they had no idea it was happening. They had no recollection when they woke up the next day. Some of them reported waking up with bruises, with their clothes off, or in different clothes, or one reported she always had a towel under her when she woke up and she didn't know how the freak the towel got there. They had no idea. And these were the men that they loved, that they trusted, that they came home to, that they felt safe with, that they didn't have to fear, that they had to look over their shoulder. So if those men are capable of something like this, how do we know which one is which? How do we know who we can trust and who we are safe with? Because with everything that's happening, I hate to break it to you guys. Y'all are starting to look like a bunch of predators because you're either visiting these sites or you're not reporting these sites, or you're playing a numbers game when we do start to call out these sites and telling us, well, that's not exactly accurate. It's not all men, and it's not actually 62 million unique visitors. Where are the ones that are standing up and saying this is wrong? We should not be letting this happen to women. Where are you? You want us to treat you like men? Fine, be men. Where are you right now? Why aren't you speaking up for our protection instead of fighting for us for data and numbers and proof and facts? Like it's mind-boggling to me that what people are fighting about in the comments is the number of visits versus the number of unique visits and not the fact that, yo, how the fuck did we let this happen? And why isn't anybody reporting this? It makes no sense to me. And it makes me feel, I'm sorry to say this, really unsafe in the world that we live in. And really unsafe around men. And and between the the e-files, between, you know, P. Diddy barely getting what's it called? A fraction of a sentence for the crimes that he committed. It just feels like the culture is hardwired to protect predators and not the people who are being harmed by these predators, predominantly women and children. And so I don't see why I should have to explain why I'm nervous around all men when we see alarming numbers like this. 62 million times in one month, that a man most likely, predominantly, could have called out that women were being drugged and raped against their knowledge and against their will, and being publicly sold on websites like this, and they did not take the opportunity to report it. And I also did, I had this is where I had that. That was actually that's those were my conclusions. Okay. Here's what ChatGPT had to offer on all of this, because I asked if he could if he, I always make chat he, I asked chat, hey chat, can you verify that the number of unique visits? It could not verify the number of unique visits. It could, I asked it, could it could you make a rough estimate? So, based on 62 million visits, if each person visits an average, you know, of 10 times per month, right? And sorry, hang on a second. I'm trying, let me read the math here. So it says if each person averages 10 visits per month, that would be 6.2 million unique users each and every month. Now there's going to be some heavier users, 20 visits per month. Estimates that at around 3.1 million users. If they're lighter usage visitors, could be five visits per month, right? That could be 12.4 million users. So basically, what it's saying is a reasonable rough estimate based on these numbers, a reasonable rough estimate would be that on any given month, there are 3 million to 12 million. Now that's a that's a big range, 3 million to 12 million unique monthly users. Even three million on its own, and that would be the lower end of the range of unique visits each and every month would be a high number. And the most important part to remember about all of this is that this is just one of many, many similar sites out there doing the exact or similar things online. And what usually happens is when they find one, that site gets shut down, they just another one will surface or pop up somewhere else, and everybody will just move on to the next one. They've gotten really good at being transient enough so that they can pick up right where they left off on some other site or social media outlet or something. Like, what are we doing? Are we are we sounds as women like you know, we keep hearing not all men, not all men, not all men. Okay, again, but which ones? How do we know? How do we know who's who to feel safe around when our politicians aren't safe, our doctors aren't safe, our preachers aren't safe, the men walking down the street aren't safe, our husbands, our partners, our boyfriends at home aren't safe. Who is safe? And you wonder why, you know, I always go back to that video. It was a real, I don't know, I don't know if you guys all saw, I'm sure some of you did. Where, you know, somebody put one of these, you know, bros, Manosphere bros, I guess he probably was, who was, you know, complaining that he said hi to a woman who was walking on a trail in a park and she didn't smile at him. What woman would feel good about, you know, somebody approaching her in a quiet area and or who wouldn't feel apprehensive about a man approaching her and talking to her in a in a quiet area, and probably didn't want to make it seem uh give him an open invitation to come and chat with her some more. I I do that on a daily basis. What I like I it the reality is we don't know who's safe. And if we're in circumstances, especially where we feel vulnerable, which unfortunately sometimes we can't always avoid, and I'm so sick and tired of people saying, okay, but don't go for that walk in that quiet area, or you know, don't walk to through the alley to get to your car, or don't walk home at light and no. Why should we have to feel that way? It's like we've made it okay. And we've conditioned women so much. You should be more careful, you should be more mindful about where you are, you should be, you know, more aware of your surroundings. And I'll I'll tell you right now, it's only because I was so hyper-aware of my surroundings in that moment that I was able to kind of foresee that I was not in a safe situation and I had to find a way out. But why should we have to do that? Why can't we just walk around and feel safe in the world that we live in? Why do we constantly feel like we need to be feel why do we constantly feel like we're being need to feel like we're being hunted? Or we have to be careful or walk around as though we're being hunted and be careful with what we say and what we wear and where we walk and what time it is and how much light there is. These are all things that men never have to worry about, but we do, and we're constantly being told, taught how to be careful rather than teaching boys this behavior is not okay. And really taking a hard look at why there is so much violence against women from men. Why is there so much misogyny? Why is there so much hatred? And why is it so shocking when women stand up for ourselves and for our rights? And we're being we're being told that feminists hate men, and and my god, nothing could be farther from the truth.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Nothing.

Calling Men To Speak Up

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Like, when did standing up for our rights and for our safety and for our sovereignty as women become something hateful or be portrayed as something hateful because it's not? We're just asking to feel safe and feel equal in a world. And the fact that it's so problematic is what makes it so unsettling for us, is exactly why many of us might not feel safe or might feel like we constantly need to fight because in a world where we all were equal and we all loved and respected each other equally, we wouldn't have to feel this way. We wouldn't have to be afraid, we wouldn't have to watch where we go. We wouldn't have to be careful about what outfit we wear, because you know it could get us into trouble. And by the way, the new trend on TikTok is it's not. My fault, she provoked me. I get provoked every single day, but I get to choose the actions in which I take. Maybe instead of teaching women to watch what they wear or watch where they walk or how they walk home or what time they're walking home at night, maybe the better conversations to be having is it's not okay to treat women this way. And if we are inclined to treat women this way or anybody this way, maybe it's time to look at why. Why is there so much aggression and rage towards women from men? Why is there so much hatred and misogyny from men towards women? Where is this coming from? And how can we heal that and make that the problem and stop making it a woman's problem to watch where she goes and what she wears?

SPEAKER_00 24:53

And let's start to heal that.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

And then maybe we'll understand that it's not all men. Because until we can see more and more men taking a stand and saying that this is not okay, that we need to change how we treat women, as far as I'm concerned, it is all men. Because you're either committing the acts of sexual aggression or you're complicit with it. Very few men I've seen so far that are standing up against it. And for those men, I hold in the highest respect and the highest regard. Thank you. Thank you for those of us for those of you who have taken to your social media accounts, your workplace, anywhere that you can, anywhere that you have influence and have have taken a position to say, no, this is not okay. We should not be treating women this way. Because that's what we need right now. Those are the men that we feel safe with. Are the ones who are standing up and and and doing their part to create change. And that's all I have to say about that. So if you've ever been the victim of, you know, any kind of sexual abuse or harassment in the world, you have every right to share your story, you have every right to talk about it, and you have every right to be discerning and vigilant about who you trust and who you don't. And even if you haven't, you have every right to be discerning about who you trust and who you don't, and to be vigilant about who you allow into your space and into your surroundings. And don't let anybody ever make you feel like bad or like you need to explain yourself or being vigilant about who you are, where you find yourself, and who's safe and who's not. That's not what that's that's being made to feel bad about being vigilant for your own safety and being careful about which men you consider to be safe and which ones you don't. The fact that people are calling that out as the problem, as a problem, they are part of the problem. Don't take that on. Okay, you as a woman have a right to discern who you trust and who you don't. And you also have the right to say, until I know I can trust you, I won't trust you. You also have the right to question sometimes the behavior of those that you love and trust the most. And anytime somebody makes you feel like the problem for doing that, especially when there's like, especially when there's concrete reasons for you not to or to question, concrete reasons for you to question, they are part of the problem because when you recognize a healthy man can recognize that this is not a safe world for women, and it hasn't been for a very long time, and we're only now just starting to see just how unsafe it really is. So the real men out there are the ones that are going to be saying, Listen, I know this world feels unsafe for you, and I don't blame you for not feeling safe. And I'm not gonna be mad at you for maybe questioning my intentions with you. How can I help you to feel safe and to trust me? Instead of sitting and running running to the comments to fight over 62 men or 62 visits, you need visits, not necessarily 62 men, 62 million, or sorry, 62 million visits, not necessarily 62 million men or not all men, or all these other crappy ass comments that I've I've seen again and again all week. It's okay to be discerning. It's okay to question, it's okay to not trust until you have reason to. And anyone who makes you feel otherwise is part of the problem. Massive love, you guys.