3 Signs You Have a Self-Worth Wound (Why It's Affecting Your Money, Career & Relationships)

How do you know if you're struggling with a self-worth wound... and what do you actually do about it?

In this deeply personal episode of The Femme Cast, I share the three biggest signs you have a self-worth issue that's quietly influencing every area of your life, from your finances and career to your relationships, confidence, body image, and ability to receive abundance.

The conversation begins with a powerful dream that stopped me in my tracks: a shipwreck, a current of money rushing toward the surface, and the overwhelming feeling of not being able to breathe. What I discovered wasn't a lesson about manifesting more. It was a profound reminder that healing self-worth begins long before our external circumstances change.

Together, we'll explore how childhood comparison, financial shame, scarcity, and external validation can disconnect us from our innate worth, leaving us believing that our value depends on our income, job title, success, appearance, or relationships.

In this episode you'll discover:

🎤 The 3 signs you're dealing with a self-worth wound
🎤 Why self-worth issues show up in multiple areas of your life
🎤 How financial trauma and scarcity shape your money mindset
🎤 Why receiving love, money, opportunities, or success can feel uncomfortable
🎤 The grounding practice I use to calm anxiety when fear and panic take over
🎤 A simple daily exercise to rebuild self-worth from the inside out

If you've been feeling stuck, constantly comparing yourself to others, struggling with money, career rejection, or wondering why nothing ever feels like enough, this episode will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface.

Because your worth was never meant to be measured by your paycheck, your accomplishments, your body, or anyone else's approval.

Your soul worth will always be greater than your net worth.

Done abandoning yourself for everyone else?
It's time to come home. Download The Unbecoming Ritual free. Your unbecoming begins here: https://thefemmecast.kit.com/ritual

Want to go deeper?
Come find me on Substack at The Femme Cast Diaries. I'm sharing my own unbecoming in real time -- the mess, the magic, and the chapters of my memoir Girl, Unbecoming. For the woman who is ready to stop pretending and start coming home to herself. Come unbecome with me: https://thefemmecast.substack.com/

Transcript

Why Money Shame Hits So Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey you guys, what is up? Welcome back to the show. I am grateful that you're here, but I am not excited because I am so annoyed that we're having to talk about this. Okay. Y'all know I've been on a massive healing journey when it comes to my own worth and how it's been showing up in my finances, and I'm losing my voice as I'm starting to talk about this. That's hilarious. As you know, and as I've shared before, one of my biggest wounds is being able to out my financial shame and all the insecurity and the self-doubt and the self-worth issues that are tied around my finances and how that has really impacted how much I believe in myself and in my own self-worth. So deep breath. It is first thing in the morning. So good morning for me. I don't know when you're listening to this, but I had the craziest dream last night. And when I sat down to interpret it this morning, I'm like, that's what it meant. Anyway, so I had this crazy dream last night. I was, and I'll it was almost like a movie where you just kind of cut to a scene. So I cut to a scene where I'm underwater and what seems like to be post-shipwreck. So whatever happened leading up to this moment, I don't know. But in this moment, particular moment where I remembered the dream, I am underwater, floating up from what is perceived to be a shipwreck. And I'm not alone. I have somebody with me, a man, whether it's a partner, a guide, my own inner masculine. I'm still not sure. Okay, we're gonna leave that TBD. But there is a man with me. I can't see his face, but he's definitely holding me. And we're both floating up to the surface ever so painstinkingly slowly. I can't stress how slowly. Anyway, we're floating up to the surface from said shipwreck. Okay, so I didn't see the shipwreck happen. I wasn't, I don't remember being in the ship when it wrecked, when it sank. I just remember floating up from the wreckage, and that's where the dream sort of begins, or at least my recollection of it begins. And so here we are, we're floating up from the shipwreck. The water is pretty warm. It feels very calm, soothing. It was also a very hot night, so you know, and I don't have AC. Another story for another day. So that's probably why it felt so warm. But it was very calm, very soothing, but dark. I got the sense that it was nighttime. Okay. All these, all these are very symbolic when

The Shipwreck Dream With Cash

SPEAKER_00 2:50

it comes to dream interpretation. I won't get into all the details of the each what the symbols mean, but very symbolic. But it was so it was dark, it was hard to see anything. But for some reason there was a light with us, and I don't know where that light was coming from. It was a glow, I don't know. Anyway, so we can see ourselves, we could see each other. But again, I couldn't see his face. He was like law, it was like I could only see me, and then I could see he was obviously taller than me, so I can only see him from the neck down. That makes any sense. Because of course the point of view was all about me. Which it was. So anyway, we're floating up from the shipwreck, and then all of a sudden, like we're in this, I guess, this current floating up, and all of a sudden, this all this money, like I'm talking like green paper money is like rushing up from this from the shipwreck, and it's in the stream headed up towards the surface the way we are, but it is moving so fast, right? And it is just it's almost like it's being blown around us into the surface. And I'm looking at all this money, I'm like, oh my God. It is and I I remember saying this in the dream. I said, it is giving us all this money. What the heck? Right? And so the voice, the man said, it's giving us what we need. Just grab what you can with one hand and hold on to it. And I'm like, okay, so you know, and I don't remember grabbing it, but I remember looking at him, grabbing like a fistful of money and holding onto it with one hand. That's why I think it was probably my inner masculine. So he grabbed a fistful of it, held onto it with one hand, and then we continued to float upwards in this stream of rushing money. And, you know, the the floating upward was very slow. And I started to panic. I started to feel like I was panicking, like I need air, I need to breathe. What why is it taking so long? Like I'm I started to freak out. And then I told myself, don't freak out now. Because if you freak freak out now, you're screwed. Like you're not gonna make it out of this. You just have to calm down. And I remember just calming myself down, even though I was feeling so anxious internally. And eventually we popped up to the surface, and that's when I woke up. So I'll get a little bit into the interpretation of it, right? So the the shipwreck means, you know, it's it the the ship is usually a journey in your life. It's come to an end. It's already, it's already in its wreckage state. Like there's nothing, nothing left. Like we're on, I'm on the climb upwards from that, right? Which I do kind of sense and I get a feeling of. Money is circulating all around me and I'm seeing it, right? But I can't like, I feel like it's not mine to grasp. So grab what I need just to make it through this period and be patient and trust that it's leading me somewhere, you know, where I can catch my breath again, right? Because it feels sometimes when you're under financial stress, it can literally feel like you cannot breathe. And so, you know, the meaning that I got from that is grab what you can, make, you know, grab what's available

What The Dream Says About Survival

SPEAKER_00 5:55

to you right now. You are gonna be supported, you're gonna be safe, you're gonna be provided for, you're gonna have what you need. So grab what you can, hold on, be patient, calm down, you'll get to the other side of this, right? And I do think that there's something, you know, one of the other interpretations was there's something in that wreckage that's going to funnel a lot of abundance towards me. So having faith in that as well, right? Having faith in that as well as I move through this. And, you know, every time I start to panic, trying to keep myself calm, which basically leads to kind of what I wanted to talk about today. So there's when you're dealing with a self-worth issue, you know, there's there's some certain telltale signs that that that are gonna indicate that are going to tell you whether it's a self-worth issue or you know, something you know, something else. If it's a self-worth issue, certain things are going to be present no matter what you do, okay? And I've I've learned this because you know, I healed, I've I've been healing this wound on multiple levels for many, many, many, many years. Like I shared before, I healed it in my relationship patterns, I healed it in my visibility wounding, and now I'm healing it with my finances. I also think I'm healing it with my body as a sub a sub-current sub-conversation, which we'll get into a little bit. And so, you know, understand when you have a self-worth issue, it's going to the one of the first signs is it's going to cascade into multiple areas of your life. Okay. So, like for me, relationships were a challenge because I didn't think I was worthy. Being visible, putting myself out there, allowing myself to be seen, all difficult because I didn't think I was worthy or I was good enough. I felt people like were going to judge me or put me down or or or make fun of me or whatever. I was going to fail and I was going to fail miserably and publicly, you know. And then, you know, around my finances, right? Which for me, I think that's why I had so much struggle being in the personal development space, even though a lot of coaches and healers came from very humble beginnings to and created a shit

How Self Worth Spreads Everywhere

SPEAKER_00 8:05

ton of wealth. And then, you know, were helping other people to do the same. But I think, and it wasn't that they didn't understand where I came from, they totally understood where I came. Not all of them, not gonna like not all of them understood where I came from. Couple of them really did understand where I came from and some of the money, the financial trauma and wounding that I had around that. And and they were so sensitive to it. It wasn't that they weren't sensitive, they were so sensitive to it. They totally understood, and they were trying to give me the message that you have to believe in yourself and you have to love yourself and you have to see yourself as worthy first before all that other stuff can come in. The problem was is that because they were already on the other side of this, right? And they're showing up online with their Louis Vuitton luggage and their Mercedes G-Wagons and, you know, living the, the, the Lux life, I was comparing myself to their current state. And I couldn't feel worthy in myself where I was because there was such a stark difference to where I was, to where they were now. It was like I was having a hard time finding the worthiness in who I am. And that's really been the biggest wounding for me is finding the worthiness in myself as I am, no matter what my environment has or doesn't have or is trying to tell me about myself, right? Really being unwavering in that self-worth. That has been my biggest growth edge. And when it came to money, that was also the most uncomfortable. That was the one that I think I probably struggled with the most, even when I was a child, because I was just always surrounded by people who had more money than me, who had nicer clothes in me, who had nicer homes in me, you know, families who had boats and beautiful condominiums and, you know, went on amazing vacations. And, you know, we just, you know, growing up, we just didn't have that life, you know? And so I always kind of compared myself and felt less than all the other kids because I didn't have what they had. We always struggled financially. I was always embarrassed about where we lived. There was always so many things that I couldn't have or buy because of a financial situation. I started working when I was 12 years old. And so for me, it was like if I didn't work hard for it, like it wouldn't, it wouldn't come to me, you know? And so that's where a lot of my money beliefs came from, right? And so, where was I going with this? Right. So knowing that if it's a self-worth issue, it's gonna show up in multiple places. So, like I said, that for me, money was the big one, but it was also in my relationships. What kind of relationships was I able to call in? Did I feel like a match for, right? Which a lot of them were very like if the bar was low, mine was way below the bar. Mine was like scraping the bottom of the barrel kind of standards, okay? When it came to, you know, self-worth when it showed up in my career, the jobs that I was getting, how hard I was having to work, and how little I was getting paid for them. And that really became evident in the last few years because as I kept, you know, trying to progress in my career, I actually kept moving down the ladder. And with every role, I felt like I was getting further and further from the goal that I wanted and less and less from the income that I was trying to hit and working harder and harder for it. I'm like, what the fuck is actually happening right now? Right. And even now, like interviewing, like I feel like I have to jump through hoops of fire just to get a job interview, right? It was so funny because I was having a conversation the other day with a friend of mine saying, I feel like I'm having a toxic relationship with my LinkedIn, right? And I'm like, oh, that's when it, that's when it clicked. That's when it was like, okay, I can't unsee this, I can't unhear this. I like, I'm like, okay, I know that my toxic relationship patterns were all about me. It wasn't that I wasn't dating toxic people, I absolutely was, but I was the reason I was attracting them. And so I'm like, okay, there's some, there's something I need to pay attention to here. Otherwise, I wouldn't be experiencing this. And that's kind of what led me down this rabbit hole. So yeah, so it showed up in my relationships, it showed up in my career, it showed up in my finances, it even showed up in my friendships, in, you know, how I feel about myself and my body, right? Because, you know, like I said, I've all, you know, I I've I've put on so much weight in the last few years, you know, working from home, taking care of my parents, looking for work, you know, not working for long periods of time, and being in that survival state, that can nothing will make you put on weight faster than being in a survival state. Because when you're in a survival state, the body naturally wants to hold on to body weight because it uses it as a mechanism for survival. It's almost like storing food for when the day comes that you might not, because that is a real relevant fear, right? So when you're in a fear state, the body tends to hold on to weight. So it doesn't matter what diet I do, how much exercise I do, how much I walk, the weight does not come off, right? Because my body is literally in a survival state. It's also, it also comes down to a lot of self-worth. I need to learn to love my body even when it's not at its best, right? Because I've always been, you know, I've always, well, I mean, other than the last several years, give and take, you know, taking into the account that, you know, you know, going through perimenopause and all that nonsense and, you know, changes happening to my body. Yes, of course I was gonna, I was gonna put on some weight, but you know, I've put on way more than you're supposed to at this day and age, and it's getting harder and harder to lose it. So I know a lot of the self-worth issues is actually playing into this because I need to find the worthiness in my body the way it is right now. I need to be able to love it the way it is right now. And that's not to say that, you know, we need to love everything about ourselves, but there is a way to love yourself and to see the worth in yourself regardless of all these external things. And that's what we're going to be talking about here today. Because it is, it is really important. And I do believe, and I've said this for the longest time, you know, if there's one mindset shift that I can give you, right, that is fundamental to all of this. I do believe that we're all created, and I believe that we're created with a purpose and a reason for being here. I don't believe anything is created at random. Just look at how the universe works together. Like nothing is random. Everything is part of this ginormous ecosystem that works together to sustain its own vibrancy and health, right? I believe that we're not created randomly. I believe that we're here for a reason and a purpose. And I think that for that reason alone, we are worthy just for being here, right? Otherwise, the universe would not have created us, right? We are worthy just for being here, for taking up space, for breathing oxygen, right? We're worthy when we're bare, naked, sleeping, you know, barefoot in a field somewhere. It doesn't matter what we have or don't have, or look like or don't look like. Anything, and I and life has taught me this again and again. Anything that we sort of outsource our worth to, be it money, be it career, be it titles, be it partners, be it clothing, be it cars, being did I say cars already? I'm really obsessed with the gene guys, be it a you know, property, whatever we outsource our worth to, especially if you're on a journey like mine, you will lose said thing. Because ultimately the universe and it's not because the universe is mean and it wants to punish you, it's because it wants you to see the worth in yourself first and then all the other things. Absolutely, you can have anything your heart desires. I truly believe that. I believe there's more than enough to go around for everybody, right? I really do believe that. And and and I I, you know, I say

Career Rejection And The LinkedIn Spiral

SPEAKER_00 16:15

that as a very privileg privileged woman living in a Western world. Okay. There are many people in the world right now that doesn't matter how much they want something. They're in they're in an economic situation, economic situation where the possibility of that is very difficult. Okay. Let's let's be real here. I know that the spiritual community loves to to toot this horn that if you want it, it's yours. All you have to do is visualize it. If it's in your heart, it'll come. Yeah, okay. There are people who are living real financial struggle right now in the world, okay? Real financial struggle. And for the and that is a sign that we have a lot of healing to do as a collective, because that should not be happening, right? There is more than enough wealth to go around for everybody. Now, here's what I will say: I do believe that when we heal and do the work for ourselves, we're able to help and support others as well and help heal others as well. So let's all do the fucking work, right? And overcome our self-worth issues so that we can help other people to do the same. And I do believe that when we do that, we create a ripple effect of change. Okay. And that can actually shift economic waves and currents and policies and all that stuff. That I do believe we can do, but it has to start with us, and we have to come from the conscious mind of knowing that there is extreme imbalances in the world and that we're doing our part to heal those imbalances, and that, you know, we have the every intention to do everything that we can to bring back equilibrium. Okay. But it really does start with us. So having said that, right? Anything that you outsource your worth to, I believe you are at risk of losing because ultimately the universe wants you to see the worth within yourself first. And then all those things can come into place. Okay. You cannot outsource your worth, especially now, especially in what we're moving through. I believe we're moving through a very deep collective wounding around money and worth that is going to that that is going that is very difficult for a lot of people right now. And, you know, if you can resonate with me in my story, I held so much shame because of my financial struggle. I still do. Even though I've outed it, I'm healing that part of myself, but it is still very difficult because I do compare myself to other people who have money. And I always think, well, what the heck is wrong with me? Like, why have I struggled so much? Why has it been so hard for me? Why am I still unemployed after all this time? Why do I keep getting rejection after rejection after rejection? Right? Ghosted constantly. Don't even get me started on the job search process right now. It really is like being in a toxic relation. If I feel LinkedIn is starting to feel just as bad as like what's it called? Like Bumble, or what's the other one? I can't remember what the other one was called. But anyway, like it's just not feeling good at all. And so I really had to look at that. So three signs, and I'm I'm taking so much longer. This probably needs to be two episodes, I think, now. But three signs that it's it's it's it's a self-worth wound is that again, it's impacting all areas of your life. It makes receiving in those areas very uncomfortable, right? So if you've attached your self-worth to relationships, having a really amazing relationship comes in, come comes in, come in, suddenly makes you feel uncomfortable. You're like, oh God, can I keep this person? Or are they gonna actually wake up one day and see, oh, this is this person's not for me. She's not as good. She's not as she's not as she's not as good as I thought she was. I'm out of here, right? Money, if money comes in, oh God, like what if people see that I have all this money right now? What are they gonna say? What are they gonna do? What if they could take it away from me? What if they take this promotion away? What if they regret giving me this promotion? What if they take the raise away? They're gonna be like, ah, actually, you know what? You're not, you're not as qualified as we thought you were. We're gonna take this promotion away. We're gonna take this raise away. We're gonna take your like this is what receiving is like when you have a self-worth wound in any area, okay? And then the third sign is the more, you know, the more you just the more the more you keep putting the focus on manifesting the thing that you feel unworthy of having, the more you're gonna keep losing that thing. So, like take my career, for example, or my finances. I kept going out there, finding work each time. I I would lose, I would, you know, I would literally get ejected out of that job, whether because the business closed down, it went bankrupt, they didn't have the funding, they sold it to another investor. Like so many things, like unpredictable things happened to kind of eject me out of all of these roles that I was in. And each time I was ejected out and tried to get back in to find that financial stability, that worth in my income, in my stability, in whatever, I would get ejected out. I would try and go back, I would end up with a role that was less than where I was at before, making way less than I was making before, and working that much harder for it. So each time you get ejected out or you lose the thing, you try to go back in, you end up settling for less and less and less and less. Same thing happened with my relationships, constantly settling for less. Guys that would treat me worse, that would that would ghost me quicker, that would abandon me so fast, I didn't even know it would hit me. And then I would try to go back in and the same thing over and over and over again. Right. And that's because I needed to believe in my worth first before these people, places, and things could come into my life and make me feel worthy for me on my behalf. Does that make sense? I really hope that that lands. It really has self-worth has to be an internal job that cannot be outsourced, right? And when we do try to outsource it, we only end up shooting ourselves in the foot because we fall harder, we fall faster, we fall lower. Okay. So, you know, having said that, I'm going to quickly go through what I've been doing to kind of heal this pattern because it has been showing up in me. And like I said

Three Signs It Is Self Worth

SPEAKER_00 22:50

in the dream, when the panic starts to kick in, this is this is literally what I do. I try to tell myself, you know, I try to when I feel the panic coming, and you have to stop yourself. And this is the hard part because it's so easy to just spiral out, just to black spin out and just go nuts, right? So before I start to spiral out, I feel the panic, and I'm like, I just take a deep breath. I just take a few breaths and I just try to calm down and I try to stop the spiral. And I immediately tell myself, right now, in this moment, I am safe. Right now, in this moment, I have everything that I need. Right now, in this moment, I am okay. I'll worry about the next moment when I get there. You know, but for right now, in this moment, I am safe. Right now, in this moment, I have provided for. Right now, in this moment, I have everything that I need and I am being protected. Okay. And I I literally just want you to hold that every time you start to panic. Just hold that you are safe in that moment. If you're listening to this podcast, you are safe. If you have the means to listen to this podcast, you are okay. Right? So I just want you to hold that every time that panic starts to set in. Right now I am safe. Right now I have what I need. Okay. Next, I want you to recognize that all that you need to feel worthy and enough is already within you. I don't want you to feel worthy because of what you have or don't have. I want you to feel worthy because of who you are. I want you to feel worthy about recognizing all the wisdom that you bring. I want you to feel worthy because of how much love you give to the people that you care about. I want you to feel worthy because of everything that you've been through and everything that you've moved through, and you're still here to tell the stuff talk about it, to share about it. You know, I want you to feel worthy because of all the strength and the courage that you had to move through the shit that you went through. Because you learned something from it. I want you to feel worthy because of all that you did learn from those experiences. I want you to feel worthy because of all you did learn from those experiences and all the wisdom that you're able to extract from them and how they changed you and how they shaped you and how they transformed you. I want you to feel worthy in all the things that your soul came here to do, be, and create without the money, without the job, without the office, without the title, without the partner, without the home, without the car, without the savings, without the retirement, without the 401k or whatever it is that you're striving towards. I want you to feel worthy right now in who you are, recognizing all you bring as part of who you are on the inside. Not who you are on the outside, not what you have on the outside, not what you look like on the outside. Who you are on the inside. That is where all your worth should be derived from. So whenever you start to feel that panic, you start to feel like it's not coming, it's not happening, it's not working for me. I feel like a shit. I feel like a loser. I feel like a failure. Because those moments come. Trust me, they do, and they're very loud. I want you to sit down and make a list of all the things about yourself that make you innately worthy because of who you are on the inside and nothing that you have on the outside. And I want you to keep writing things down and keep reading the list over and over and over again until you finally fucking believe it. Because that is everything in that process. And, you know, I share this with you because I hope that you don't go through that whole extraction process. In that process of extracting everything that I cling to for my own worth, this is what the universe was trying to get me to see. We are the universe was literally saying to me, we are gonna take all of this away from you so that you could see how worthy you are on the inside without all this shit that you think that you need to feel worthy. And that's the challenge. That was the the ordeal it handed me to move through. And I am moving through it now in real time when it comes to my finances. I move through it with my relationships, I move through it with my visibility wounding, I move through it through all that stuff. Now I'm moving through it with my

Stop The Panic And Claim Safety

SPEAKER_00 27:30

finances, and bloody hell it hurts. Bloody fucking hell it hurts. But I'm doing the work, and even that I am including on my list of points of why I am so damn worthy. So I want you to do this. I want you when the panic hits, when you start to spiral, I want you to pause. I want you to take a deep breath. I want you to bring your heart rate back to calm. And when you do, I want you to remind yourself, I am safe. Right now, I am safe. Right now, I have what I need. Right now, I am okay. I will worry about the next moment when I get there. But for now, I am safe. I am fine. I am okay. I have what I need available to me in this moment. Okay. And then when you feel ready to, I want you to sit down and I want you to write a list. And I want you to actually keep it on your phone if you can. Keep it on your phone as a checklist or a note or something, and keep adding things to that list that you should feel worthy for, that make you feel worthy about who you are innately within yourself at a soul level. And I want you to keep adding to it and I want you to keep reading it, make it a daily practice, read it over and over and over and over again until you actually believe it. Or at least start to, anyways. Okay. So that is my challenge for you today. I love you guys so much. If you move, if you're moving through something similar similar, I am sending you so much love right now because I know how difficult it is. But do know that we, meaning I myself and you and everybody else who's listening, will get through this. We will get to the other side of this. I do believe this is a collective wound that we're healing right now because too much of this world has taught us to feel worthy in ourselves only when we have the money, only when we have the car, only when we have the job, only when we have the income, the savings, this, that, whatever. We need to recognize how worthy we are as human beings, as soul beings having a human experience. And that is where our worth should be coming from. It should never be resourced out to these external things that can literally be taken away at a moment's notice and leave us completely depleted on our own self-worth. Our self-worth is innate, it is within us. Okay. Soul, soul worth over net worth always. And that's something that I posted on my Substack today. By the way, if you're not following me on my Sub Stack, please do because I'm sharing some of what I'm moving through in real time. I'm sharing some notes, I'm sharing messages, I'm sharing thoughts, I'm sharing random like affirmations that I'm using. So come follow me there. We'll have some fun. Until next time, you guys, massive love.