Episode 23. Can Practicing Gratitude Bring More Success & Happiness in Your Life?

Yes, we know. It's kind of cliche to discuss gratitude in November...

But, did you know? There's solid science behind practicing gratitude and some real health benefits.

Let's chat about what a gratitude practice is, how it can help you, how it can change your feelings about your body, and where to start!

Content Warning: Mention of suicide. Reach out if you or someone you know is struggling. Call 988 or visit: https://988lifeline.org/

Quiz we mentioned: Gratitude Quiz

Thank you for listening! We love you latte!

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-Ashley & Carrie
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice. 

Transcript

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hey it's Carrie and Ashley we welcome you to the self-care Cafe we are both
health professionals and moms and nature lovers and food lovers and love helping
women get over dieting and just start living we think that talking about
bodies and perfect bodies and dieting is just
boring did we put you to sleep there Carrie yes so if you are ready to ditch
dieting and get to living and talk about more important things then you are in the right place we don't put shame and
guilt on the menu here we don't even have to tip us nope come hang with us the advice is
free we want to have a bunch of girlfriends to just hang out with and get real with and it's time to start
living
ladies hey Ashley hey Carrie how are you great how are you
awesome what are we going to talk about today well I think that we're going to
talk about gratitude oh that sounds fun yes but I have a feeling some of our
listeners are rolling their eyes right now right right why might that be well I
think that gratitude is confused with like this um you know rose-colored glasses always upbe always happy
positive right and it's really not about that it's um as you'll see as we get
into our conversation it's really um more
about being able to see what you are thankful for it's not necessarily and sometimes that's the lesson in the what
we consider like a bad situation or tragedy or whatever that might be um
what you know but be being thankful for that lesson within that right that doesn't mean that oh you're happy that
that happened but you can be thankful for the lesson that you took from that
um so people who are consistently you know thankful does not
mean that they are always happy right because we are humans and there's a range of emotions right I like that the
separating between thankfulness and gratitude and happiness they are
connected but they're not the same thing right right I mean do people who
regularly practice gratitude tend to be happier yes and we'll get into some of those benefits of it but they are not
the same thing right so what is
gratitude um that's a loaded question right like we looked up like on on a
Miriam Webster dictionary to see it's like the what is it the the the state of being thankful or
something and grateful like well that helps a lot
um I think it is well let me say what it's not so like so often times we get
stressed out and um you know maybe you're stressed out about money or a job
or a relationship and that's what we focus on right like we get so that's all we kind
of get blinders on and get this laser focus on lack what we don't have I wish
like if you find yourself saying all the time I wish I had or I wish I could or
like that's a sign that you could use some gratitude practice um versus
gratitude is is being one present being thankful for what you have like okay
maybe I don't have this but I have this like we if we look around there's so
much that we could be thankful for and um but we get so hung up and so focused
on what we don't have what we wish we had um and that can be dangerous you
know it can a lot of people like if you're stuck in the the cycle of depression chances are you're that's
you're focusing on what you don't have you're focusing on on your lack you have a a mindset of lack versus abundance
right right yeah what is gratitude to you Ash well I think that I haven't thought of it too
much until we started working together
and I think to kind of go along with like what you were just saying about what it's not I think it's really easy
to be like yeah I'm thankful for my house because I have a roof over my like
the really super ficial layers of it almost instead of and I know we're going
to talk about this more but like getting a little bit deeper down into different
things and maybe why we're thankful for those things um um yeah yeah we did so
um in taking kids to school what we started um to try to get the kids to
focus on gratitude and what we do have um Friday mornings on the way to school
we have to name three things we're thankful for and it's been a cool little
thing and I said it it and they can't do things like oh I'm thankful for our house like those big things it makes
them look deeper and go a little bit deeper and some of the things sound silly like I'm thankful for stop signs
I'm thankful for breaks I right right but like if there weren't any stop signs
and there weren't any breaks on cars we'd all be in trouble right like right gets them to notice even deeper um and I
just think it's a really cool little thing and again we'll get even more into that but um it's like like you said it's
easy to say oh I'm thankful for the roof over my head thankful that we have food and and some people don't right right
exactly you kind of take that so we do need we should be thankful for those things definitely and I think like we're
going to talk about later it's more about like okay yes we're thankful for the house but maybe we're also thankful
for the hard work we put into it to make money to be able to pay for the house or
you know those deeper things so let's save that for a minute we're gonna talk more about that but okay did you have
something else to say Carrie sorry nope nope um so let's discuss a little bit
about like why why pra like what does it do what good does gratitude do right
like does it actually have any will it change our lives if we practice gratitude what exactly because what is
the point in doing it like what's the big deal right yeah so what is the big
deal so it does a lot of stuff and actually Carrie has delved a lot into
the research um and talk to a lot of people who I don't know would you say specialize in gratitude
or they have areas of expertise in gratitude and um so I think that you
have a better a better idea on what sort of things gratitude can help us with
what does it do for our bodies Our mental health well it's amazing because
gratitude kind of feels like this kind of out there like not a um concrete
concept right but it has a lot of concrete benefits to our health so um
one of the experts I spoke too said that it has like a proac like effect on our
brain so it boosts the neurotransmitter serotonin and that's the the um chemical
in our brain that gives us that kind of that warm fuzzy feeling feelings of well-being um it can make us more
thoughtful well-rounded people like um because it when you're only focused on
the negative right right like that's not using um the whole Spectrum like
when we just get in that negative mindset that's all it is versus this
brings more well-rounded um but you know it even has um specific health benefits
for instance um people that practice gratitude on a regular um tend to have
lower cholesterol um it can decrease anxiety it can improve sleep so Sleep
Quality um it improves social connections so like relationships because who wants to be around negative
Nelly 247 right so it's difficult to really
form a healthy relationship with people like that that are always negative um
and of course it decreases negative emotions so again it's doesn't mean
you're going to be happy all the time you don't deny like when you're feeling anxious or sad you know if you need to
grieve anything like that it just right you're not like pushing it aside to then be like oh but I'm thankful for this
right like you're still feeling those things exactly exactly you don't want to
deny that the difference is you don't stay there you don't stay in that place in your head right like you acknowledge
how you're feeling you allow yourself to feel that and then you make make a conscious intentional decision or choice
to focus on what gratitude like what what am I thinking what am I learning in this sometimes it's just simply
like you know until you go through a situation um if you lose someone or you
lose a job or whatever it might be that you that helps you relate to
other people right like if if you're everything was hunky dory in life all the time how could you possibly relate
to people who who experien tragedy or experience hard times in their lives right so it makes you um I it can
increase your empathy right because now you can relate to other people better um
and be a source of help for them um and maybe that's what you can be thankful
for right right many times we get caught up in the negative of
situations um that maybe you're going through this so that you now can help
other people going through some similar situations that's a great point one way to look at it yeah and I think like we
were sort of talking about too um it helps it's kind of similar with
how we deal with stress too like the more we do it the less chronic kind of negativity
or stress we might experience and when we do have something happen like Carrie was just saying we are better at
at kind of going through it dealing with it being able to take that step back and
looking at it and car reminded me that there's a word for it which is called word of the
day resiliency resiliency yeah that's it's such an important concept right to be
resilient um I feel like a lot of people don't have that um
characteristic anymore more um it's something that we really need to work on and that's a good thing like it's not
like you're just oh born with being resilient or not it's a it's a skill that you can work at and practicing
gratitude is part of that that um and I well I'll use myself like you know a few
years ago I went through a really um I allowed myself to get caught up in in
the negative and depression that lack you know what I didn't have um that was
totally where my focus was you know and um so I tried Tak in my life because
it's like I don't have like I'm and and then you get in that even deeper I'll never have it right like um what is
wrong with me I'll never have this and it can really spiral into a really deep dark place um and thankfully I did not
succeed but um and that's when I realized that that was all my total
focus was just on on what I didn't have what I wanted and did not have but instead
of putting forth the effort of getting what I wanted what I wished I had you
know it's like oh it's just easier to just focus on the negative and be done
right and it almost did do me in and I'm not talking about this lightly at all but
um it's that I'm saying that um if you
don't get into that have of gratitude and all you focus on is the negative and what you do not have and and that lack
mindset it can Le you down a very deep dark place um it's really hard to get out of
there like it is once you're down there um it's just so hard to
recognize sometimes that you're even there because it's just all you think about and then it's so hard to figure
out and do the things to change right and you get in that place
too and you feel like you're a burden to everyone else like I don't want to reach out for help because everyone else is
busy living their lives and I'm just going to be a burden to them whatever you know that that mindset that you get
into um but if you are in that place I would encourage you to reach out to someone that you trust um if you feel
like you have no one um I should have the hotline here we'll post post it in
the show notes um but uh know that you you are not
alone there are people that care about you um and when you start looking around and
admitting that because sometimes we just get to that point of NE so negative that
um and so we and and painful we don't we just want you know you just want the Pain to End um but there is life on the
other side and um that that that is not anyone's in my opinion Destiny to do
that um so when you start focusing
on and those are lies too that you're telling yourself or that your brain is telling right absolute lies um so when
you start to gratitude is is a choice right like right it doesn't come natural
to most of us our brains are naturally wired toward the negative right and it
does that for some reason right it's kept us alive right mostly for for
safety because when you are kept inside your safe bubble your comfort zone there's no
risk you're not you don't have to take risks you can just stay safe and it's familiar to you even if you're
not uh crazy about it or it's like oh I wish I could right like do this um it's
still familiar to you you might be miserable with it but it's still familiar and familiarity is safety right
um but that is not you know when you start realizing everything that you do
have and can be thankful for and sometimes we also have to take an honest look at ourselves and how am I you know
what's my role maybe if maybe you're depressed over a relationship a loss of relationship or a job um may we have to
take an honest look at our own roles also like sometimes we expect people to
come to our rescue when there's things that we need to do ourselves right that
make sense yeah but all that to say that gratitude is a choice it's an
intentional choice that you have to make and you have to practice if you want to
get into a better mindset um and experience some of the health benefits also of it um you have
to intentionally and consistently practice that right yeah I think it's
it's hard because it's similar to all the other things that we talk about with
changing the way we are looking at food or our bodies and we can talk about body
stuff a little bit in this episode too is it's not as like tangible as some
things to start out with and so it's a little more difficult it's all about that mindset shift and you can see the
benefits but it takes a little bit longer than some other things that you
might try or do and like Carrie said we start off as a choice and then we have
to try to stay consistent with it to make it a part of just how we do things
now and I think that middle part is where we all struggle so much with lots
of things because humans again are like this instant gratification
creature and if we don't see it right off it's really hard to keep going with it or different things come up and bump
this out of our priority list or you know any number of reasons right and
it's important to remember that your your mindset did not get where it's at
overnight right so you're not there's not just some magic wand you're going to wave and wake up in the morning a
completely different person that's not how it works it takes your brain um you
know your neurons are wired together you know the little neurons and the your nervous system they wire together when
they're wired together they fire together so if your nerve Pathways in your
brain are wired toward the negative which most people's are on some level
right um You need to practice it so that you can wire the more positive
thoughts which C at all you know those nerve cells um so that those can fire
together and so that that becomes more your Hab that's how habits are formed so your habits are just basically because
those that's in your brain are those well you know that's just your brain automatically goes to those Pathways
those nerve Pathways because that's what it's used to doing if you want to change
a habit whether it's gratitude or the way you know intuitive eating or
exercise whatever it is whatever habit you want to instill it takes time to
form those new nerve Pathways to make that the Go Your Brains go to does that
make sense yeah and the analogy I often use is like the ones that we're using now kind of look like the highway or the
interstate right like you can get from start to finish really fast um it's nice
and smooth there's nothing in your way like because it you've done it for so long you almost
are an autopilot with it y yeah how many times have you driven someplace the same routs right and all of a sudden you're
like I don't even remember passing you know the the last yeah and then trying to form the
new pathway or starting the new habit is almost like bushwacking like you're
starting from the jungle and you have to carve out that pathway andent eventually
the more you do it you can get through maybe it's really tiny like a little tunnel but the more you do it the bigger
of a path it will become for you to go down and hopefully be able to put the detour sign up on that Highway thinking
right right and that doesn't mean that that Highway doesn't exist anymore right right yes I love that because still
there and still available for you to use it's it's again and a lot of this is
comes down to mindfulness also right like that Highway you can think of it like it's zooming right the speed limits
higher you're just go go go go go if you're bushwacking that requires you
slowing down right and being intentional with getting all those weeds and
andever like that out of there so it takes it takes more effort
yes um and that's where a lot of people are like yeah I'm good right right yep
and that's where it C becomes important to know why you want to make this change
right and I think that you we say this all the time but like nothing changes if
nothing changes so you can keep using your Highway path thoughts and be in
your comfort zone like we were just talking about and stay there and maybe it's miserable like we mentioned earlier
and so we have to do a little bit of work if we want to make changes or grow
or you know whatever your goal or intention is with this right right it's
um anything what what's the saying anything worth having is
worth I don't know waiting for or working for or something working for let's let's go with that it's it's um so
yeah it's and that's the great thing about all this is a choice you know sometime you can keep throwing out oh I
wish I wish I wish well that'd be great if we could just make our three wishes
right and yeah bring it on but and at some point all the and there's another one
too complaining like like how and we all complain at certain points but at some
point you have to realize all the complaining in the world doesn't change a damn thing right it nothing changes
from complaining yes you have to take action so how do we start this what
should we do to get all these fun benefits we talked about well like I
said at the beginning gratitude is sort of like that intangible not an abstract
idea right kind of but um so I like to take those and make it more tangible so
one thing is writing things down get a notebook get your pen so that now you're
using more senses right because if you're just like thinking in your head oh yeah I'm thankful for it right that
will take that will help especially if you're consistent with it but the more you can get your senses involved when
you're trying to make changes right the more like you immerse your whole self
right the faster the change will come like it it cements in the brain a little bit faster yeah so writing down what
you're think so keeping a gratitude Journal um and just make it haveit every
day I'm going to write down even if it's one thing you're thankful for right that's a start and that's pretty quick
but then if you add why you're thankful for that now you're going even deeper right so you have to think think even
more about it that just creates that that you're bushwhacking you're creating
those new nerve Pathways even faster um so the more you have to think about it
the better so that's a great way so even start that's what I would say start with one thing a day it doesn't I don't care
what time a day you do it you know but try try to set a time so that you're more likely to so whether it's when you
first wake up in the morning or when you're going to bed take out your Journal leave your Journal by your bed you know at on your bedside write down
what you're thankful for it can be something that happened that day or it can be just be in general but also
include why why are you thankful for it so now you're going deeper and you're
creating more more you know you're getting rid of more of that garbage to make um a better
pathway that's a great idea yeah there's also a great study done uh three good
things I think it was done with nurses um but anyway what they showed was when
they when you get into bed and I actually have been practicing this I was telling Ashley before um lay your head
down and you close your eyes like what are three good things that happened today and then if you're still awake
with each one I told her the more I practice it I I can I get through like one and then I I'm I don't even remember
because I'm already asleep um and what role did you play in making
it happen right because um usually youve because it also just it kind of puts you
into the story y um so it um yeah even
and sometimes I'm just like three good things and I don't even get to the part where where I'm at because it and that's
what they showed is that people slept better when um they do this three good
things exercise at bedtime so that's another and it must improve like your self-confidence too because if you're
saying that these three things went well and oh by the way I had something to do with these things like that's just a
nice little boost exactly that's a great Point thank you yes it it it can also
increase self-confidence um which who doesn't want more of that right
right yeah um you could do if if you're if you're a walker if
you're out walking look around look around your environment and name things
that you're thankful for on your walk um some of us go for walks because we're stressed out right we need to get
our yayas out um and that's a great way too to kind of turn your mindset around around so the because exercise in itself
has been shown to help with you know chemicals in the brain things like
dopamine and um so then if you add gratitude to your walk you're just increasing it that much more and then
outside right right you got like a ther being out in nature whoa oh my goodness
that also increases feelings of wellbeing and if you bring your journal with you
you know so these lay like like we're layering right so you're layering all these things and all of it just plays a
role in brain chemistry and rewiring your brain and and it all it all counts
like definitely get so focused on like oh I'm gonna you know if you're just walking to burn calories because you
feel guilty you just see feel a difference in that I got to go burn some calories I ate too much at lunch or I
just had that candy bar or whatever the reason negative oh so negative Now versus I'm gonna go
out and I'm gonna get some sunshine and fresh air I'm gonna practice my gratitudes while I'm out there and like
it's just lighter right like it's for sure and yeah I think again it's just
like boosting yourself because if we're constantly in that negative mindset and
then we're practicing and switching to being grateful or practicing gratitude
more often it's just such a shift and you can see how different you're going
to react to everything else in your life too and like if I'm going out for a walk
because I'm mad about what I ate like I'm just going to be irritated I'm not going to enjoy the walk and what will it
have been for from a mind and mental health standpoint and then am I going to
be miserable when I come back in and treat my co-workers like crap or whatever like right right exactly
exactly totally totally different mindset surrounding yeah and for those of you who are thinking well if I'm
thankful for you know that means what about success like I want more right
well it actually helps with that too because um what did I I read recently
that I don't take me for my word at this but this is what I read that Oprah um credits some of her success
because she's been she's practiced gratitude like you can be thankful for what you have right now and still want
more right right and I dare say you will get that more even more easily right
when you're sh yeah and I feel like you're more open-minded and you're more willing to step outside your comfort
zone and that's where opportunities often are um so that all makes a lot of
sense and not saying that like tomorrow all these things are going to be kn walking at your door but it will
be more likely that you'll be in the right place or somewhere at the right
time because of the choices that you're making right and you're in a a different mindset so when you experience what some
would call failure you can look at that and say okay what lesson did I learn
from this that I can use the next time instead of saying well that didn't work I'm done right that's the difference is
that you experience so-called failure and you use it for feedback for the next
time or how can I do it better now right versus taking it and be like well that
was stupid or and now I'm stupid and I'm a failure so why even
bother and that's a that's the difference definitely and one thing that we sort of
mentioned earlier that I think can be really helpful for this is using gratitude with how we view or treat our
body in general like we tend to feel really crappy about what our bodies look like
or what they can do and all of that so how does that how does gratitude play a
role in that I guess um well and like we talked about before appreciation right so or what am I thankful for that my
body can do what does it do for me right so viewing it as more of like what can
it do versus what does it look like yes yeah but even with what it looks
like you can still like when I ask this question some so many people say I'm thankful for my eyes right because they
they they like their eyes and the way that they look so even even if you are looking at from that standpoint like
what your body look there's something do you like your nose do you like your smile do you right um and the other way
to look at that too is um you know maybe you've got your grandmother's thighs
well that's pretty cool like you know yeah it all depends on how you look at
it exactly yeah if you're like oh these thighs but then you're like wow I I got
my grandmother's thighs and you know look what and she did whatever and I can too like it it's just a total change in
attitude when you start looking at what your body can do for you those thighs have carried you you
know many many miles throughout your lifetime um mountains maybe across Lakes
you know lots ofing down you know if you're a gardener or playing with kids
or Y yeah yeah so so we can use it like as a general tool for
overall health mental health improvements and we can also use it in a
more specific kind of way it sounds like too with like if we want to change our outlook on our body image for example
yeah absolutely and what it starts off as you know what initially will feel
like work like and there are gonna be some days you're like I have nothing to be thankful for but that's where that
choice comes in is maybe take a bigger look okay all right yep I'm thankful you
know um I made it to work today because my get my car was on empty what there is
always something you can find um and over time like with anything else
we talk about with that consistent practice over time it becomes a habit and you are going to more easily it just
becomes part of your outlook right right and um I know I'm I sometimes probably
say it too much but there's a reason for everything there's a reason everything
happens and when you start looking at that reason and sometimes it can happen over time maybe you can't see it right
now but if you start taking the attitude like okay I don't like what's going on right now but there's a reason it's
happening and I will be on the lookout for that reason right it just changes
the whole your whole mindset and how you approach life and and going back to like on the days where you feel like nothing
positive happened or nothing that you were thankful for happened those are probably the days that we really need
to look for them more because it will only help us to get through that yes
yeah absolutely and I think that we talked
about having some tools and links to different things in the show notes yes
there is a qu quiz so um so this will kind of give you
if you're just interested it's kind of interesting um to get like your gratitude
Baseline so like where are you at right now so it's um we'll have the link to it
but it's the University of California Berkeley's greater good science center and it's an online gratitude assessment
it's quick it's easy um and they use your responses in
their own research too so youall part of a research study but it's all Anonymous
like you don't put any information into it so um but it's just kind of a cool and then every now and then you go back
and and retake it and see if you're score is increased so those of you that like the numbers and things like that
this could be a fun thing to do um or even to do like with couples or with
your kids right yep see if you're if you're going to really get into this gratitude practice um and that's another
thing too is like get the whole family involved with it you don't have to do it on your own right it will only be
helpful for everybody yeah have a jar and day every day
they put in there some you know you know the kids write down something that they're thankful for and it goes in the jar once a week or once a month or
whatever um or maybe on a on a bad day like when everyone's just miserable and fighting pull that jar out and see what
what you're thankful for different ways to use it get creative with it there's no you know and we would love to hear
what you come up with like come up with some ideas and we would love to hear them definitely and in our Facebook
group for November I think every day we're putting the question out there
what are you grateful for or thankful for um and we've had some really great responses already so you can find the
link to the group if you're not in it already in our show notes also yep yeah so we're we are try we are offering
opportunities for you to get into the yeah gratit practice and you can kind of
see what other people are saying too if you're like I don't even know where to start with this um sometimes seeing what
other people are saying is helpful to be starting those like juices flowing I
guess yeah I'm thankful for that too yeah yeah exactly and just being a part
of it it just just even the couple days what's today the second or third day we
haven't even done the third day so we're recording this at the beginning of November everyone um but yeah so just
looking at all the responses so far is just like such a positive boost to look at
everybody's yes it's been nice I know that at least one person in there within
the last year lost her husband so that's what I mean like even getting even
though she's still grieving yeah she's one of the active participants so um
again it's proof that it's a choice yeah exactly well this was such a great
conversation oh my goodness I'm grateful for you same same Z and
we're grateful for all of you our listeners thank you for hanging out with
us and you can find us all over social media to hang with us more instead of just at our podcast um like I said we
have our Facebook group um we have a group call once a month where we talk
about the podcast episodes a little bit more in depth and they're not reced so they don't get onto the podcast so it's
kind of a special thing um yeah and again all those links are in the show
notes yes awesome this was great yes you for joining us yes we'll chat with you
next time love you latte love you
latte