Episode 25. Tempted to Set New Year's Resolutions...Again? Here's Why You Shouldn't

Has setting resolutions worked for you before? No? It's not you...it's the resolution. Why not try something different this year?

Let's chat about the differences between resolutions, goals, and intentions. This isn't just for the New Year, this is for anytime you're tempted to set a resolution or unreasonable goal. 

Thank you for listening! We love you latte!

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-Ashley & Carrie
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice. 

Transcript

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hey it's Carrie and Ashley we welcome you to the self-care Cafe we are both
health professionals and moms and nature lovers and food lovers and love helping
women get over dieting and just start living we think that talking about
bodies and perfect bodies and dieting is just
boring did we put you to sleep there Carrie yes so if you are ready to ditch
dieting and get to living and talk about more important things then you are in the right place we don't put shame and
guilt on the menu here we don't even have to tip us nope come hang with us the advice is
free we want to have a bunch of girlfriends to just hang out with and get real with and it's time to start
living
ladies hey Ashley hello Carrie how are you great how are you I am awesome good
what's on the menu well we are coming up to resolution season right new year new
year new year let's make those
resolutions and side note we can talk about
resolutions and we're going to talk about goals also today so this really does apply all year long but this is
definitely like Carrie said the resolution season yeah when we're as
we're recording it that's what we're coming up on but um you're right this really applies to any year um but we
just want to talk and touch on um those resolutions
because it's so uh prevalent right at the beginning of the Year everyone all of a sudden
like Christmas is over and all of a sudden it's like okay what are you gonna make what are you gonna resolve to do
this coming year and it's not necessarily a bad thing like as far as
like it's a new year and you think okay like this is my year I'm going to do what this you know and
like I'm there with you right and certain things in 2024 um that each of
us and together want to accomplish um the problem comes in
when we set these very large
resolutions um and just resolving there's no it's very abstract right that
right it's like it's not very concrete we just kind of make this big resolution this is what I want to
do whether it's lose weight or um you know find a soulmate or
whatever it is that you're going to resolve to do declutter my house
yes and then there's no plan for that you just kind of jump into it like how
many people you know uh gym memberships Skyrocket in January because everyone's
resolving and they're going to go to the gym but they're going to go to the gym you know five six seven days a week not
very realistic right if you're not going at all yet um
so so what would you say Ashley is like
what's your definition of a resolution oh I was gonna ask you that because I don't really
know I would say just kind of like this I I'm going to whatever it is that you
say you're going to do right right it's kind of a desire a wish a hope right oh I like that that hope
that's really I think kind of what our point is today like there's no action
plan right right I like that it's kind of like I hope I can do this right we
kind of jump in with both feet with no real plan right and you know because
it's this is such a prevalent one so like exercise if you let's say start going to the gym well you go I'm going
to go every day right I'm going to go every day to the gym that's a that's a big one I hear Same by day
three one you're sore like you're so sore uh that you can hardly
move so it it just sort of Peters out like the first day you're all G home you
got your backpack the night before and you go and you do it and that felt good
and then the next morning um you might hit snooze once before you get up and go
and but you do it by day three it's like you can hardly get out of bed because you're so sore it's like I'm gonna skip
today right and it just sort of Peters out because there's no plan and there's
no um that's just your body's way of like whoa whoa like yeah you're working
muscles you haven't worked before or in a long time um beyond what they're used
to be in worked and so yes you're going to be sore so there's it's um the intentions are great right
like right the intentions are good um but that without that
plan including a plan to like okay what's my plan be so yes that's what I
was gonna mention to you yeah like how we we don't make resolutions
realistic yes we're missing that piece of it like real life's gonna happen
we're gonna end up skipping a day yep if we're and the other p is piece is like
the expectation too high yes so the realistic part is like going to the gym
every day is just right not going to work for ironically us this falls under our last
topic yes yes it does it's a perfect example of the All or Nothing right and
that's what we do with our resolutions they're all or nothing we either all in on it or you know that's why you know
the second or third week of January resolution what resolution right they're
not realistic they don't fit your life um the intentions are good like what you
want is probably you know worth it and and um is probably something that would
add to your life but they're just they're not realistic to begin with so
yeah we're kind of like setting ourselves up for failure because yes absolutely they're not realistic and
then if you set this big resolution and you're really excited about it and then
it Peters out like Carri said then we're left with feeling like crap like we
couldn't do this or again um yeah yeah
and and and and with and then it like like Ashley said it adds to your those feelings that
you already have oh I couldn't do it yet again I failed I suck what's wrong with
me it's not nothing's wrong with you it's just a a lack of a plan and a
strategy but that's kind of how we've all learned to do it too
like one question we want to talk about was like why do we even do them yeah and
I think Carrie said that the intentions are always good like we always as humans
we tend to want to do things differently than what we're doing because what we're doing isn't where we want to be um and
so the intention is good like we want to lower our blood pressure maybe or we
want to exercise more or whatever but then like I said we kind of
set ourselves up for failure we feel this intense like pressure to be making
a resolution in general do we need to make a resolution it seems like
everybody's doing it around the first of the year what do you think Carrie I say we start
a new trend I agree anti anti-
resolutions um because they just they don't work like Ashley said you're pretty much setting yourself up for
failure um what you want is is probably good um but there's a better way to get
there right so instead of like a blanket resolution we can talk about how to make
the change you want to make but in a different way like a different mindset of going about it I guess right right
and and if you ask yourself like if you are typically set these resolutions how
has it worked for you in the past has it worked for you um and if it has not then assessing
why not because it's a good chance of the reason is because you didn't have a
plan or a strategy it wasn't realistic um it it has nothing to do
with you and your capabilities or or um willpower or anything like that or the
follow through right like oh I didn't follow through with this right well that's not necessarily true either right
it's it's um from the start having a real tools yeah yeah exactly exactly
which is what we're here for that's right we're here that's right so Carrie
what if we we said instead that we want to set goals okay so goals um Ashy and I were
talking about this before neither of us likes the smart goals and you probably have heard that the smart and um it
stands for uh specific so being specific with your goal so it's not like some out
there like oh I would like to you know travel the world someday you know or I'd
like to do more traveling or something it's specific like um you know if it's travel you know I will um you know plan
I'm gonna vacation in Europe this summer like that like it's being specific or
getting to the gym I'm going to um exercise three times a
week um or you know if it's a bigger goal I'm going to you know maybe do a 5k
so it's something that's specific right but then there's measurable So like um
going to go to the gym five days a week or three days a week it's you can measure it you can if you want to get
really even more specific with it I'm going to exercise I'm going to do cardio exercise um you know 30 minutes three
days a week and strength training two days a week and here are the days want to do it like it's a you know so it's
specific it's measurable it's action based okay and this is a big one with goals that we
tend to set goals you know and you know how Ash and I feel about losing weight
I'm going to use it as an example because it's so common um I want to lose
30 pounds okay all right great but that's not actually a goal right um I want to lower my blood
pressure awesome but what do you have to do to get that that desire right or that
intention so to lower my blood pressure to lower my cholesterol um to do that 5K what do you
have to what steps do you have to take to make that happen right and I feel like that's where a lot of people miss
right yes um yeah because we make it this goal but it's not behavior-based
they really your goals need to be behavior-based um they need to be realistic that's the r right and smart
yep and then time based is um so you know if you set a goal in for a
three-month goal that's great but another mistake people make is trying to start at that goal so like if I want to
exercise five days a week it's not where you start if you're not start if you're not exercising at all right you don't
start at your you start where you're at what is realistic right now well once or
twice a week perfect definitely let start there and um and get you know you
get as specific as you want that will help some people rebel against a little bit about like that right like well I
don't feel like doing the treadmill today I want to do weights great then do weights right so um but some people the
smart goals do work for some people Ashley and I don't love them
um maybe parts of them you know components to it but um I would rather
do like here's my intention here's my plan for it right like um and the and
the evidence there's evidence for and there's evidence against the smart goals because I think everyone is just
different right it works like I said it works for some people it doesn't for others and I'm glad that you brought up
intentions because I think that sort of the conversation that we're GNA build on
is the resolutions and the goals are setting specific and usually time specific um
things to accomplish and we don't tend to work well with that and so we're
setting ourselves up for that past fail like if we set oh I want to run this 5K
and this is the date of it and we start but then we don't do it and then we
don't end up running the 5K again that failure piece comes in whereas
intentions have much more flexibility and we can still accomplish things it's just not going to have that
negative mind space of oh couldn't do this right which again works for some
people some people need more structure right so the smart goals work for some
people and you know if you've got dead like I work a lot on deadlines
so I have to be a little bit more strict with that time so I at the beginning of the week I'm like okay here's how many
um deadlines I have to get done or hours I have to get done so what is my goal for each day um with the number of hours
that I want to get get in for that um you know I have to be stricter with and and
there's and it that this can change too like with some things personally I have
to be stricter with myself with you know like um I started my next book but
haven't been real strict with myself on sitting down like okay I need I I'm I need to sit down and write an hour a day
on my book right like and I haven't done that so my intention is great yeah I'm going to write my next book I started
but there it is it's still sitting right so it's different it's different for everyone it also differs I think on the
task that you're trying to get done yeah the priorities like right if you say I'm GNA go to the gym for every single day
or whatever well what happens when you get sick what happens when something else comes up that plan B like and the
flexibility that we're talking about right because if let's say you're going to the gym and let's say you can't get
to the gym you end up with a you know a sick kid or a late um work meeting
whatever it is what is your plan B like you could
just skip it for that day right and plan it on for the next day or different day
or is there a way to get some activity in at home or outside um you know
there's is having those other options is necessary too for you to be
able to accomplish things right so maybe instead of like I'm going to go to the gym every day we could
change it to more of that intention about like I want to move my body most
days and that gives us room for you know rest days which are really important it gives us room for days when things come
up and it gives us the flexibility to do movement based on how our body feels
that day what type of movement we feel like doing it gives us the flexibility to say oh plan for this type of movement
but I'm not feeling it today or I can't today because of whatever reason and so I'm going to do this other thing right
right yeah and then you also the your goals your action plan may change based
on um how getting to your goal is going for instance let's say it's your blood
pressure and you um you know three months into making
your changes your blood pressure either hasn't budged or maybe it's come down a
little bit and you're thinking well I've been consistently going you know
exercising for twice a week like on average it's twice a week so I'm GNA try to bump it up to three times a week
right to see and then see how that works on your blood pressure so there's it it can constantly change too and I think
that's one of the thing people get stuck in the smart goals and they there's no
flexibility with them they get that very rigid mindset All or Nothing Like yes if
I am trying to get my blood pressure down through exercise and my plan is to exercise every
day but I can't so then I'm just going to stop right or like Carrie said at the
beginning we want to start where we're at instead of our end goal so maybe the
end goal is to exercise 7 days is probably not a good idea for most people in general um depending on what the
exercise is but five to seven days maybe and we're not going to start there we're
going to start at one or two a week if we're not doing any exercise right and also take a look at what else can
influence what your desire or goal is Right In other words exercise isn't the
only thing that influences your blood pressure right one genetics does right
so there are some people that you know you can exercise till
you're blue in the face and do all the and it's your blood pressure is just it's genetics right but what are some
other areas and this is true for almost everything this is why like taking that
holistic Viewpoint um food and what we
eat um exercise physical activity stress
stress uh sleep yeah all the things we always talk about
yes it always come boils down that's what I always laugh like it's like oh you know when they're pushing oh these
um you know certain a certain diet for a certain right it's like bottom line is
all those things contribute to our health no matter what whether we're talking heart disease cancer diabetes
right like it it all plays a role in it so taking care of of all of those so if
it's blood pressure you're looking at and you are let's say you're exercising four days a week and you've done it
consistently and it's calm down some well what other areas are influencing it
are you really stressed out are you getting enough sleep right um are you
socializing we forget sometimes that one like um socialization and being with other
people in relationship m is they're finding more and more also influences our
health right right that connection yes like and we found really that really
came into play during um covid when we were
isolating and all the the increase in um you know depression and
anxiety um people not having that connection so that's important too
taking a look at like why Wow have I lost some connection with friends
family um where could and and also like working remotely now right is another
big one so not having a human connection can
also influence um your health in various
ways we went down a rabbit hole Yeah that's okay we typically
do so as why do you think people are so
um why why do we set resolutions I feel like it's just the pressure like or the
tradition like this is what we all do on January 1 we take stock right and then
decide how we want to make things better for ourselves in different areas and then everyone's doing it like all the
marketing around January is what's your New Year's resolution it should be this
because of this or you know um yeah the pressure is real around resolutions yeah
it is for sure and of course you have to also take a step back and look at some
of the companies that are pushing it like who's benefiting from your resolution exactly some of them have
something to gain monetarily uh from
your your resolution right so especially Di companies let's just throw it out
there because it's not going to be successful long
term so they're creating repeat customers probably exactly exactly so
and they know it that's the thing like they they know it they know what they're doing so don't fall for it that's
right don't fall for it it's hard not to it sounds so good Mark they have so much
money to spend on the marketing it sounds so good it does and it looks um like if you read the of course it goes
so fast if you're like watching TV it's a commercial the fine print some of them actually lost the
weight before yeah program right and so um it might not even have even been that
specific program and you don't have any idea how long they have kept it off for
right which is probably not long term right
so that that's the whole point that we're trying to make like that's so setting resolutions New Year's it's
exciting and it's kind of sexy and right like and it's motivating right like
everyone's on on board we're all gonna do this except that really it's still up
to you exactly put yourself in the driver's seat right so get to decide yes
so we're more about longterm lasting
change um instead of just waiting till the first of the year and um woohoo
we're gonna do this and here we go right
so how do we do that well I think there's a bunch of different types of
things that people have been doing and I feel like it might be more of the minority like I've seen a lot of cool
things around about um words of the Year Y which are kind of cool I also feel
like that can set us up for that failure piece too if we're setting like so the
the idea is to choose a word to like not necessarily live by for the year but you
know just to kind of keep in the back of your head and help you make choices so I don't know some people might choose
brave for example and so when you come to a choice you can remind yourself okay
I'm trying to be more Brave this year which choice will help me with doing that or accomplishing that
so words of the year can be interesting um but again if we choose ones that are
too unrealistic for ourselves then we're setting ourselves up for that failure piece
again um which failure isn't necessarily a bad thing right because we can use it
as feedback right um everyone fails the greatest entrepreneurs in the world have
failed at businesses over and over again um so failure isn't necessarily a bad
thing it's a time but it's a chance to um reflect and assess okay what am I
doing and also you know if you choose a word like being
brave if if Brave is your word for the year then that requires you expanding
your comfort zone right right um and only you can really decide what that
comfort zone is right um and how far are you going to expand it
so sometimes we're too hard on ourselves as far as like oh I failed again but
stop for a second and take a look back like Okay so let's say like you come to September and you're like oh I haven't
you know even been following stop for a second though and look at like the previous
year how far have you come even if it's a step forward it's something right we
we tend to not give ourselves any credit when the fact is um it's like a parent with a baby
like you don't see your baby's growth as much as like someone who only sees your baby every few
months right and like wow how much they've grown oh yeah I guess they have right it's like it's because sometime
when we're in the middle of it we don't see it as much exactly inquires that stop and take a take a look um you know
what are you doing differently that maybe a year ago you weren't yeah I like that I like the word
of intention for the year I don't know what I'm gonna do you know what you're G to choose yet no idea I haven't even I hadn't even thought about it until we
started talking about it um and then other things too that can be helpful are
like vision boards which can go along with your word like you could do it separately you could do it together
um you could pick your word and then make a collage or whatever or a Pinterest board or whatever if you like
electronic versus paper um to kind of put some different images on and put it
somewhere where you're gonna see it yeah and I actually love um I love the paper version I know the
um digital version is easier for some people but um I've taught workshops with
the vision boards before and it was actually it really cool
because if You' never done if you don't know what a vision board is basically if you take a a poster
board and you take a bunch of old magazines and catalogues and you just think about you what do you want your
life to look like what would you like it um you know like visually
what would you like to to look like and what would you like in it um and you flip through the cataloges and the
magazines and you cut out you just rip out the pages you know at first or whatever um and then you start you cut
that the images out that you want or words also um but the images are are
tend to be stronger like in our brains and um what's really cool that it was
unexpected for me was to see how the women it was almost like they became like little girls again in class like
they became because the cutting and pasting right like when was the last time you did any of that um and also the
chance to dream like yes here's what I want from my and again um it should be
realistic within but maybe but that's but there's
a danger with that too because when we dream like if we limit ourselves right
to this oh it's not realistic then that's hard to dream beyond that because if you only stay
within your comfort zone then that's not really the point either so it's dreaming and allowing these and there's some cool
stories um I think it's John asero is one he's in the the brain changing space
and he's got this really cool story I'll see if I can find it sometime and we can post it but um just how you know people
will do these vision boards and years later they'll find them and realize wow
like this happened and and actually in this one class that I taught um it was
it's an annual ladies getaway and this woman was in my class the first year I
taught it she did her vision board and the next year she comes in and she comes and she's grabbing all the materials and
she's like I need to do another board because everything that I did M mine you know last year came true and and um so
it was really cool to just to see that um but here's the thing with vision boards that some people get mistaken
it's like some people like to call it an action board because it's not like you just do this vision board and then you
sit there and you just hope it happens right right like an inspiration board yes almost yeah because again what do
you have to do what do you have to put into action to make it happen you got to
make that plan yes strategy right yes
yes um yeah and then just different ways to rewire your brain right which we talk
about here and there um one way that I like is through
affirmations um so yeah and you can attach certain affirmations to like if
you do choose a word of the year or an intention for the year or whatever you decide to do you can pick affirmations
that will help match and I think another thing that tends to happen is we tend to
forget about this stuff like when we start talking about words of the year I was like oh yeah I did pick one this
year but I hadn't thought about it since March probably and so it's kind of funny to
think about like almost scheduling yourself a checkin or a reflection
or I don't know depending on what it is right it's for you so you get to decide
how you want to if you want to um that's the cool part about being in the
driver's seat like do I really want this to happen and if I do then I need to
make my plan I need to implement the plan I need to do the things I also need to check in about it yeah well I think
to making it intentional exactly right it's a if you have a word of intention
it's you need to make it intentional you need to keep it front and center so like rather than making a vision board or
choosing a word and just kind of like then it goes away putting it front and center put your vision board where
you're going to see it every time if you got a desk that you work at every day put the vision board hang it there um or
put it on your refrigerator or um wherever you're going to see in your bathroom and your word of intention make
it front and center don't just think about it oh yeah I think I'm gonna you know I'm going to choose my word and
it's Brave and then that's the last time you think about it right that's not a word of intention you need to be
intentional with your word of intention so put it on write it down you know
Journal about it think about that you know each day or most days like how what
did I do today that was Brave that's going to be different for everyone like some people have no problem you know
like public speaking you know that some people are scared to death to do that
other people like I love getting out if I know what I'm teaching you know if it's not just like off the cuff or
whatever I love getting that's like in my comfort zone and for other people that's not um so it it's being brave is
going to be different for everyone sometimes like for me personally being brave would be having more of a
one-on-one with someone right and talking to them about a hard having that
having a hard conversation with someone that's harder for me than getting up I can speak to I don't care how many
people it is you know if it's more than one or teachat or whatever like I'm cool with that but being brave so you know
how was I brave today or this week how whatever you want to do like Ashley said do a check-in do a check-in every now
and then but make it frequently enough so that it's still at the top of your head and um in front of you I recommend
writing it down remember the more senses you get into that and also if you're journaling about it well how did that
feel how did that feel to be brave it was scary as as heck but I did it right
like being brave doesn't mean a lack of fear it means doing it despite being
afraid right um so having a realistic um view of it and giving
yourself credit for the little wins oh that's something we talk about a lot I
feel like so many of us like we said we're in our brain every day so we don't
see our growth we don't see our you know changes we tend to discredit those um I
think that almost every client I see they're like I didn't really do much since last time we talked and I'm like
okay well let's chat about it and then by the end I'm counting up you changed these three things like you're doing it
and we just don't see it for ourselves and we tend to be wired towards the
negative like we talked about in the All or Nothing episode last time and so it's hard for us to take the credit right
absolutely and I think also you know like we're talking about you know like if you're so
used to dieting and you are tempted for example to set a weight loss goal or dieting
goal whatever it is anything related to to weight loss for your resolution and let's say you choose
Brave um as your word for this year it can be pretty dang Brave of you because
it's scary if if you are used to having dieting and sort of your safety net um
and that's just what you're used to because you want that um you you want
that you quote unquote control you want that structure you whatever it is
whatever your right reasons are behind dieting because it's more than just about the weight loss right the reasons
you diet go beyond just wanting toight yeah so being brave and going without
that diet structure without that um just
tell me what to eat right um that can be brave for a lot of people and um so
there's different you know the the your word of intention look for different
ways that it applies to your life
definitely oh thanks for bringing that up that was such a I think helpful thing because we're all going to be faced with
it soon and it's easy for us to be like just do this but how do people actually do it
and I think that we did give some really good tips and suggestions but if you
want more um we have a little group meeting every
month H for our pod squad and and in our January one um this is probably
basically what we're going to be talking about right like because it's right at the beginning of the month which is working out perfectly um we're talking
about all things resolutions goals how are you doing what's your plan all of
that so check that out come hang with us
yes for sure so non non-diet related
goals right resolutions what do you so just remember to what do I have to do to
meet my desire my goal in like we said it doesn't have you
don't start with the end like the end you start with small steps to get there
I think that's another piece that all or nothing again like we're either gung-ho
and doing all of it or none of it and instead focusing on those really small steps to get to the goal is what is
really that sustainable piece right and think about so the
resolutions they pet her out in in two or three weeks right and then the next
year you're starting you're trying to set the same exact resolution it's that constant cycle what is you know what
what are you expecting to be different it's we keep blaming ourselves no it's
the it's it's not it's not you it's it's the resolution that it's how we've set
the resolution system up yeah exactly so and and is it your choice yes it is your
choice and responsibility to make a different Choice um and to do it differently and
wouldn't you rather like a year from now look back and be like
wow like I'm not maybe where I want to be exactly again careful about that
perfectionist wording right but maybe I didn't I'm not quite as far as I was
hoping to be but I am further than I was right which is further than I have been
in the last 10 years or whatever you know right like those resolutions just they don't
stick there's no there's no stickiness to them the adhesive wore right
off there's no velcro there's no glue there's there's no they're no sticky notes they're just they're not they're
notti they just fly off and land in the trash somewhere right out into Oblivion
they're gone so want to do something different this year yeah let's do it do
it and you're not alone either like like social media would have you think like oh you're GNA be the only one not right
like no no no no no there's there's lots of us because so come join us and um you know keep listening to our
podcast join our pod squad um we would love to have you and um yeah let's get
this definitely do it awesome awesome well we'll chat next
time I guess we'll see you around we're on the social media like Carrie said come hang with us in the pod squad let
us know if you have questions love to hear that too yes we would questions comments um we welcome
all of it so until next time love you latte love
latte