Episode 29. Breaking Up With Dieting Part III—Make Peace With Food

Welcome back to our Intuitive Eating series! We're talking all about the Breaking Up With Dieting phase. This time we're covering the third principle of Intuitive Eating—Make Peace With Food.

It might sound too good to be true but it is possible! Let's chat about:

• what making peace with food means, 
• what it can look like,  
• how dieting keeps you from trusting yourself,
• how to feel more in control with food,
• and some ways to start making peace with food so you can be back in the driver's seat when it comes to making food choices.

For the rest of the Intuitive Eating series, check out episode 27 and 28.

Thank you for listening! We love you latte!

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-Ashley & Carrie
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice. 

Transcript

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[Music]
hey it's Carrie and Ashley we welcome you to the self-care Cafe we are both
health professionals and moms and nature lovers and food lovers and love helping
women get over dieting and just start living we think that talking about
bodies and perfect bodies and dieting is just
boring did we put you to sleep there Carrie yes so if you are ready to ditch
dieting and get to living and talk about more important things then you are in the right place we don't put shame and
guilt on the menu here you don't even have to tip us nope come hang with us the advice is
free we want to have a bunch of girlfriends to just hang out with and get real with and it's time to start
living
ladies hey Ashley hey Carrie how are you great how are you good what is on our
menu for today so we're continuing with our Series so um it's
gonna be a long it's a long haul we have for you all but
I feel like don't make it sound so uous no I know but I was just gonna say I feel like if you stick with it though
it's so much good information and so much good stuff to think about it's just a lot of information so it's
fun yeah overlap so repetition is always good trying to learn something new and
trying to change your mindset so and we might say something one way one week and
another way another week and the light bulb might go off it's like oh that's what they're talking about yes got it
right so this is it's all good so like said stick with it um even if you're like I know this stuff
already but even if you know it you might not be practicing it or yeah and I
tell this to my clients a lot too like I feel like we're the only place or there's maybe a very small corner of the
internet or social media or any of the stuff you're paying attention to that talks about what we talk about and so
the more we can keep it in front of you um the more seeds that are planted and
the more um used to thinking this way you'll become I guess yes yeah it's just that
constant right because that's what makes our habits right exactly like we talk about all the time see it all makes
sense you're going to show up in your dreams
goodness so so today's topic we're still in the breaking up with dieting phase of
the intuitive eating long long breakup this one is I feel like this one is the
hardest part of intuitive eating and that is why it's so long because this part of intuitive eating is
a lot of unlearning the stuff that we've been collecting in our brains for
however old we are and at the same time if we're unlearning it then it's like well how do
we deal with this now and so we're unlearning and sort of trying to learn a new process or belief or whatever it
might be and so this part is very tricky and it's really
challenging some really big um beliefs
that a lot of us have around food weight nutrition bodies Health all of it um so
again that is why it's so much information but I'm try to make it fun for you
all so today's principle is intuitive eating principle number three which is
make peace with food and this one I feel like a lot of people struggle with the
idea of because it's like well I hate food or um I only eat because I have to
or if I could take you know a pill that gave me all of my nutrition I would I hear that from my clients a lot um or
just tell me what to eat Carrie and I hear that a lot a lot or nowadays just I
just want to take a shot so I don't you know crave or don't eat as much or
whatever it is right and we're always it's it's human nature to look for that
quick fix and the shortcut and make it easy I don't want have to think about it but um we have all have to eat to live
so why why not figure it out now so that
when you are you know in your the last chapter of your life um that you you're
enjoying it instead of because we both seen people much older that still
struggle with all of this stuff and it's heartbreaking to to see that that is
like always so you know front of Mind front and center in front of them it's all they think about and they make
choices based on you know choice activity choices or relationship choices what
they do around food and what and eating and stuff so yeah we want better for you when
you're getting older with us let's grow all together that's right
and let's make peace with food yes yes so back on today's topic a little bit
more so what the heck does that even mean what does it mean Ash I feel like
it's sort of examining how we think about food and how we deal with food so
our behaviors and doing it in a way that is nourishing to your body and this is
what we talk about all of the time I tend to not always use these terms though because it does sound so out
there for a lot of people um but yeah it's kind
of getting your relationship ship with food in a better place I feel like and a
lot of people might not think about hey I have a relationship with food but we definitely
do um and it's kind of like the culmination of how you think about it or
how you eat food or how you make choices around food all of those things are part
of your relationship with food yeah and through the years I know a lot of people I've had clients like I
just I want they want to make peace with food they just don't know how how I don't know where to begin and hopefully
we um give you a little pathway yes to start doing that today
yes because food's not the enemy even though our culture really kind of makes it out to be that way food can be fun
food is tasty food gives us a lot of memories a lot of our um social events
are kind of centered around food which can be help helpful or cannot be helpful
depending on where you're at um so yeah we're going to give you some information and some advice today you can take it
leave it what what would be the first thing that you would um tell someone
Ashley who's who's struggling with this whole thing you know food they hate food they um I mean they love food they have
a LoveHate relationship with food yes I hear that a lot too I think the very first step to this making peace with
food is giving yourself permission to eat and not just permission but like
unconditional permission and that sounds so scary what does that mean yeah what
does that mean that means eating without food rules eating kind of what sounds
good to you instead of what you think you should be eating um
it's not really giving yourself the opportunity to think of some foods as
like forbidden Foods I guess um but it also does not mean that you can eat
anything however much you want whenever you want um I think that's another like big misconception about intuitive eating
is kind of like just eat everything all the time but it's a little different than
that we take into account more of like what do you actually want to eat what actually is filling you up what's
keeping you more satisfied what makes your body feel good um um things like that does that make sense
Carrie yeah because I think like you said it's a as soon as someone starts talking about um intuitive eating and
these principles what a lot of people automatically go to is that um oh I I
mean I can eat whatever I want anytime I want as much as I want and that's not
what it's about either so I think some of it is is in our own faults too with
the way that we work thing sometimes that people um we need we professionals
need to be more careful with how we say things sometimes so that people don't get the wrong impression about it um so
yeah and you'll hear us say this several times not just today but um that that is not what that this means like giving
yourself permission to eat means you you are giving yourself
permission to eat like especially the foods that you're forbidding yourself to eat or restricting
allowing yourself to have that food and maybe it's just a bite or two of it you
know at first whatever um and and maybe that's all you need to
feel satisfied it doesn't mean eating an entire pizza right and I think it's hard
too because a lot of us are very All or Nothing thinkers and so if we are
dieting or restricting and then we decide not to do that anymore anymore because we're sick of it or whatever is
happening we tend to go to the other side which is sort of eating all of the
food especially the you know the foods we might think of as forbidden Foods or
maybe bad foods um we tend to go to that side of things and again that's not what
intuitive eating is intuitive eating is finding that middle ground you hear it probably us say that all the time but
that's really what it is yeah if you're an All or Nothing thinker you typically live at one end of the spectrum or the
other right the pendulum swings one end and then it swings to the other end right and it it's finding that Sweet
Spot somewhere in the middle that fits you um and allows you freedom in this
area I think that's a you know the that freedom piece is is huge um but that
doesn't mean that there are no boundaries at all right like even in a
free country we still have there's still boundaries right can't just go around
and do whatever you want right like so it's that think of a freedom food freedom in that
sense yep or Carri I really like your horse example yeah I was thinking that
too okay so the horse example is let's say you have a horse and let's say you
tie that horse to a short rope um and that's how this horse lives
right it's restricted it can only graze on the on the grass right in it's immediate however long that rope allows
it to go out so let's say another horse is allowed to roam freely around the
neighborhood as there's no fence there's no rope there's nothing it just goes
wherever it wants to go right like what's gonna happen to that horse you so and then let's say you have another
horse who she gets to she's not tied up
but she has a sizable pasture but isn't it's enclosed in a
fence right so that that last scenario where you have this sizable pasture but
there's bound there's a boundary to it there's a fence to it so that you can't just go wherever you want to go and roam
the neighborhood at whenever whenever you want for as long as you
want right right and she has like learned these boundaries and created
them herself not that a horse could do that but that's sort of the piece some
some animals do right like even if they get out they know how to get back home
right and I was just gonna say that like sometimes it is jumping the boundaries and testing them out and figuring out
like oh this was here for a reason and yes I want to keep that or actually let's expand this part of the boundary
or whatever because this worked out for me better like all about always sort of evaluating and
adjusting there's like the fence may your maybe your horse bought the pasture
next door the fence the get expanded right
exactly exactly yes yeah I love that for sure yeah and I think too like
part of it is it's really hard to think about this but I really encourage everyone to think
about like an all foods fit approach to food and this is exactly what we're just talking about like having some
boundaries around what makes you feel better or worse and you could still eat them that's totally up to you um and
looking at your patterns overall and remember not one food is going to make
or break your health or nutrition unless you're allergic to it don't do that um yeah don't test the don't do
that it's all about our patterns we talk about this all the time too like if you're generally eating food that makes
your body feel good and you enjoy it most of the time it's fine to eat foods
that you're really excited about that maybe don't make you feel great but once in a while taste really good like and
going into it with a I can have this and this might happen to me but I'm going to do it anyways kind of idea puts us back
in that driver seat exactly very intentional so like I I know certain foods that just do not agree with me and
I know if I eat them I most likely will pay later um but I sometimes knowingly
I'm like I'll just have my phasme ready to pop you know for the gas and the
bloating or whatever um or be near a toilet later um if I know um and
sometimes it's not worth it and you choose not to have it right um and also
like when we say like um you know foods that that you want to eat some people
you know a lot of times you want to eat healthy foods too we're not that doesn't include just those you know the play
foods that we talk about and things like that and the foods that you restrict um like some people genuinely like I
genuinely like sometimes I crave a salad I just want that crispy right that freshness and stuff I actually put a
salad on my menu this week because I was like oh I need some something fresh and I'm going to make like a orange vinegret
for something bright and zingy I just really I'm feeling that this week we're sick at winter
yes yeah so so when we say that it doesn't necessarily mean just those play
Foods or the foods that you've been restricting or anything um like all foods fit and
um like as except unless you're you know allergic or highly sensitive or whatever
yeah um but did you want to talk about that P there's a p Pizza study yes so so
part of this unconditional permission to eat and how it relates to dieting is dieting
kind of keeps Foods exciting right that forbidden fruit and so it makes it kind
of scary to us to eat them y but what research shows us is that the more we
eat a food or a category of foods the less exciting it
becomes to us and so there's this study out there I call it the pizza study and they took a a bunch of college
kids and they gave them free pizza for dinner every night for an entire month
wooo right like that sounds like the lottery yes please sign me up but what
they found was yeah it was really exciting at the beginning people were loving it and then at the end of the
study what do you think happened people were so sick of it
they're like I never want to eat pizza again and I experience this all the time
like I definitely go through phases and I think a lot of other people do too and there's a reason for it um kids do this
right oh my gosh when my daughter is really excited about a food I stock up on it and then after I do that she's
done with it yes yes how many times have you done that parents oh my go yes so
many and there's a reason for it the point is our body realizes oh hey we're getting a lot of the same nutrition from
this particular food so let's crave or think of a different food so that we can
get different nutrition from it again it's all about those patterns we've stocked up on all the nutrition from
this pizza so let's move on to something else right and that's all normal like I
feel like um we get freaked out when we're eating quote unquote healthy foods
like this is a personal example I used to like broccoli and I would eat it not
every day or anything but you know regularly in our menus and then broccoli
was the only vegetable my daughter would eat for a long time so we had broccoli a lot more and I still to this day do not
really enjoy broccoli that much anymore and so it's all about that like
how are we dealing with this food are we allowing ourselves to eat it are we keeping it as this forbidden fruit are
we eating it all the time so we get sick of it I feel like I see this a lot with my clients that diet a lot fruit and
vegetables kind of become these like boring Foods because that's all they're
quot unquote allowed to eat on these diet plans and they almost become like resentful of them they're like I'm so
sick of these Foods they're not exciting um um it's kind of the opposite almost
as like the fun foods that we're talking about right right
absolutely yeah and it's super scary to like allow ourselves to have foods that
maybe we've been restricting for a long time because we don't really know what's going to happen um because maybe in the
past we've done that and it hasn't ended well maybe we ate so much we didn't feel
good or we had that like out of control feeling um so we didn't trust ourselves around
that food anymore yeah that trust takes time to build up too just like um you know when
you're in a new relationship um it takes time to build that trust and especially
if you've been burned in the past right so you're going to be going to it with
um some hesitation and and maybe some walls up and things like that and it's really kind of the same with food too so
if you don't trust yourself around food when you're told well you know you
can eat that if you want it and you haven't trusted yourself maybe it's it's something that it's something that you
keep restricting because every time you eat it you eat feel like you eat too much of it but the thing is the crazy in
your brain what's really could be going on is like you're eat more of it because you do restrict it right and you haven't
allowed yourself to have that food um so it's like the students like with the
pizza you know at first you get to eat it eat it eat it and then you're sick of
it and but you know you can eat it but now you don't really care it right right
think about your most forbidden food in your brain and if we mean Carrie like
force fed you it for weeks would you get sick right like I feel like yes and I
feel like we all don't think of those quote unquote bad foods or forbidden
Foods in that way like there's Foods in our regular menus that we know that happens with but we couldn't possibly
feel that way about um I don't know like chocolate cake is one of my favorite examples
but it's because we typically restrict it and so when we do have it or maybe
it's only at special occasions or whatever we do tend to eat more of it
and you know what that's okay too right like carry with your Christmas cookies that we talk about a lot on this
podcast somehow this has become one of our favorite examples but or other things like the
holiday um type foods right or seasonal Foods we do tend to eat maybe quote
unquote too much of them but in reality is it too much well if you get a belly
ache and you don't feel good maybe but or your joints swell up right like we
just talked about like it's your choice to decide that exactly instead of feeling like
you're like the victim to it almost I guess like forbidden food slave a slave
to it you're allowing it to control you yeah the food has the power in that in that scenario and so when we say instead
of asking yourself what should I eat or oh I could never eat that because XYZ
reason ask yourself what do I want to eat and do I want to eat this particular
food right now like give yourself that power back right and there have been
studies that have shown too that when you are told whether by from someone else or yourself I can't eat that what
is your brain's like oh come on right when you tell some do something remember
the M&M study with the kids right they they took these kids they put them in a room they had all these M&M's and they
were told you can have as many am& as you want do not eat the red
ones what did they eat the red ones yeah yeah because we kind of go into this
Rebellion it's like well why can't I have the red ones what's what's WR with what what's so special with them and right like we want what we are told
we're not supposed to have that's again that's just normal human nature it doesn't make it weak or no willpower or
anything like that it's just that's just how our brains work yeah um and
so yeah so when you're telling yourself you can't have a certain food then it's like that's all you can think about
right it's kind of like Last Supper eating too so if you've ever planned to go on a diet tomorrow or in the next
week or whatever um you might tend to eat a lot of the foods that aren't allowed on that diet um leading up to it
because you know it's going to be blah restricted or like even just idea that
something might be restricted causes this effect too so even though you might not be consciously thinking of it um
it's kind of laying low in your brain causing you to maybe think a little
differently about your food choices right because how often like um in your head the little voice is saying you
shouldn't be eating that you really shouldn't and you're saying shut up I'm just GNA eat all of it so it's gone
right and then even if it's not like a formal diet like Ashley said but it's that you know that box the Girl Scout
cookies Girl Scout cookies season right now when we're recording this um you know so maybe you got those Girl Scout
cookies and you're like instead of like put them in the freezer and just you know having a couple or a few whatever
when you feel like it you're like I'm just GNA eat them all so they're gone and they're not a Temptation right
Temptation um but that's like we said that's having allowing the food to have power over you instead of you
controlling and saying hey I'm in charge and I can have that if I want it do I want it like it's like being very
intentional with it say it out loud I really um let's see I'm hungry right now
what are my choices okay and I you know ABC well what do I feel like
having right and then you can also think well what have I had to eat so far today and you know well I haven't had you know
maybe it's you know dinner time and I have any fruits and vegetables um well
this sounds good for a fruit and vegetable you know what I'm saying like it's it's also being it's been kind of logical with it as well and doesn't have
to be every day like maybe but you know if you go to window no fruits and vegetables Grand's probably trying to throw some in there right right but to
be honest do we all eat fruits and vegetables every single day maybe maybe not like again it's about those patterns
and yes research shows us that it's good quote unquote to eat fruits and vegetables every day but it doesn't
happen for everybody and we don't have to feel any which way necessarily about it like do we want to feel better and
have more energy well try adding more fruits and veggies then and you don't have to go from none to 50 a day like
that's unreasonable or even five um it's all about like asking yourself those
questions like Carrie was just saying when it's time to decide hey I need to eat something these
are my choices what do I feel like what is my experience with this food in the past do I want to choose that now how
hungry am I do I need a bigger volume um or smaller volume like there's lots
of questions to be asked right and and if you you know well
I can really I I kind of you know I want to eat the ice
cream but I feel like I know that that's not going to sustain me very long so
instead I'm going to eat you know a sandwich first and then I'll see if I still want the ice cream right and so
it's it's it's that Conant like what is your body need also um and what are what
activities are you doing after y um you know if you know that you've it's G to
be a while before you eat again well you know a scoop or two of ice cream it's not going to cut it it's not going to
last very long um so having something more sustainable first and then right
that's kind of like that practical hunger that we talked about last week or last time right yeah yeah yeah and then
the the food loses its power over you it's like yeah I I could eat you right now if I wanted to you know let's say
you're talking to a food that you restrict talk to your food um it's like yep I see you and yep I could eat you
right now if I wanted to but I don't really feel like it right like getting to that point where it's like not
feeling this urgency um this frenzy this food frenzy
to have to eat that because and May maybe you want to eat it maybe you're home alone and I'm going to eat it now
before anyone else gets home and gets it or before they see me eat it or tell me I can't eat it or whatever it is right
it's like yeah I see you uh I could have you if I wanted to but I'm gonna choose
something more nourishing right now and I'll come back to you yeah and another
thing I was just thinking about too was sometimes when we eat these Foods they aren't even as good as we've like
created in our brain like I don't know it's so interesting
when people try some of these Foods again for the first time and they're like oh well it wasn't even that good
right right or like it didn't face the way I remembered it or whatever and then
it's like oh this really isn't as exciting as I thought it was and some of it is like some of it
does taste as good and some of times it's the first
few bites that tastes great and then it's L it's like oh now I'm just going to eat you because you're there right
right so it's it's con it's it sounds timec consuming and it is a little bit
at first when you realize that you can't you know it's like a new way of thinking and talking to yourself and to food and
stuff over time though it gets a lot easier and it just becomes more um you know automatic right um but
yeah you just have to you have to put the time in initially sorry but it is so worth it is so worth
it that it is so does this bring us down to how to yeah I think so perfect all
right Ashley how do it how the heck do you do
this yeah so I think one of the first steps is getting to know your hunger and
figuring all that out like we talked about last time because if you're still
figuring that out and also trying to figure out what to eat that is tricky like figure out
when you're hungry first or like what type of hunger or whatever um because if you tend to wait
too long to eat and you get over hungry there's no way that we can make um
informed choices I guess on what our food is because our little survival
brain kicks in and says you just need to eat and eat whatever is here right so if
we're getting a handle on our hunger and fueling ourselves consistently then we're able to make the choices we are
trying to make yeah rational choices if you're in that angry phase there there's
no rationality with that like you just you just need something quick like if your blood sugar is really low um and
you're if you're to the point where you're kind of shaky and irritable um
you're going to eat whatever is easily and readily available first yeah so and
that's that's not to say that that's not part of quote unquote normal eating like that happens to most of us here and
there and that's okay it's not like we need to beat ourselves up about it it's just what happened today and let's
figure out maybe why or maybe we know why and it couldn't be avoided like we don't have to feel bad about not
listening to our hunger once in a while but if we have a handle on our patterns and we have a loose flexible plan on how
to nourish our bodies um it still happens sometimes happens to me sometimes too um it's part of normal
eating right it's when it's happening all the time all the consistently and
then other people are having to deal with your moods you know like I'm sure we've all
been around people like that and maybe we you're one of those people right um that because it does affect your mood
and you get irritable and you know it's like toss me a bone like you right and
and um so it's it's um yeah it's like about like Asha said those patterns um
so if you're constantly getting hangry like every day you're getting to the hangry Point well that needs to be
addressed and maybe um you need to eat more consistently right and when we are
getting that hungry we tend to to do what we were talking about earlier which is called like rebound
eating if we're not eating enough then our body's going to make us eat right and so then we might not feel good about
that feeling because it does feel rushed it does feel frenzied it does feel like
I'm not making the choices I typically want to make those rational choices because of that survival mechanism like
just telling you to eat something right and it's usually not you know carrots and
no definitely not it's usually some you know something high in sugar because that's quick energy um and that's what
our brain is telling us it needs so yeah so you're less likely to make more nourishing choices too yes yeah so
honoring your hungers probably one of the first steps and again we have a whole was our last was that the last
podcast yep episode number 27 I think it was so what's next that if you need to
to um just to learn more about that again yep and then the next piece is
like being careful of that whole I can eat however much I want whenever I want
part and it might happen a little bit when you're first practicing this because again going from All or Nothing
mindset pulum swing yep it just might oops um so being aware of that and being
okay with it for a little bit bit but figuring it out like not hanging out in that spot right right like where where
is your freedom happy place like right where you're not tied so tight like that's what the diet is
you're tied to a short rope versus or that the other end I could eat whatever
I want any anytime I want as much as I want right and that's that no boundary
at all so find your pasture yeah and again you you might experience that
because if you're under nourishing and then you go to nourish your body more
completely um sometimes it is tricky
to um navigate your food choices so try to be flexible with yourself give
yourself some self-compassion and then sort of feel out oh this is too much you know my
belly hurts from eating so much or these aren't the choices I want to be making all of the time um and figure that part
out right and then I guess the last one which is really interesting
is lists um so make a list and the list is
going to include foods that are really appealing to you so like some of your favorite foods foods that sound really
good to you most of the time make a list and any of them that you eat on a
regular basis you're going to check them off and any of the ones that you typically re restrict yourself from
eating we're going to circle and we are going to work on the circled Foods one at a time um this part
can be really challenging and if you need extra support through this um you know definitely find somebody that can
help you through this but yeah call me it's fine um so pick one of the circled
foods and give yourself permission to eat it whatever affirmation or you want
to use I can eat this food um this food doesn't have power over me um whatever
it might be and then go buy it at the grocery store or have it when you go out
to eat um Any Which Way and while you're eating it kind of check in with yourself
like does this taste as good as I thought um how am I feeling right now
like mentally physically if it has bothered you in the past um pay attention to your fullness and
also like really try to enjoy it if you do like it because the more we enjoy
it the more satisfaction we get from it and that power definitely lessens too
like it doesn't sound as appealing anymore and we're going to talk about that a lot more in one of the upcoming
episodes too but kind of like I said just check in with yourself during the process see how you're feeling about it
like be kind of mindful F and I guess um nonjudgmental with
yourself yeah yeah just notice it's not GNA make or break your whole your whole
your health right right right and you don't have to eat the whole thing either just if a couple bites is all you
need and be like and you decide oh this isn't as good as I thought or as I remembered it
being or whatever then stop eating it if it doesn't taste good right yep and then after this
eating experience if you want to keep it on your list um as foods that appeal to
you still if you still like it um keep eating it on a regular basis like plan it into your
week and that will help with that whole like if I keep eating it it will get
less exciting to me yeah the power it has over you gets less and less because now you're like
oh hey chicken alfredo I see
you uh you're okay I can have you once in a while y right like or however it is
that you feel about it like or chips that go stale because you ate some and then you didn't feel like eating the
rest of the bag and you have to throw them out like yeah that's that's a hard part
though for some people isn't it like they feel they're wasting food if you grew up in a house like like all the starving children in Africa you know or
you know do you know how many kids would love to have this kind um when you grow up with that guilt where you have to eat
all of the food and we'll talk about that whole yeah that's a whole other mindset yeah so just stick with these
couple things for now and stick with the podcast because we'll elaborate on some of it a little bit more too and kind of
keep the keep the process and the learning and the practice going and give
you some more tips yeah awesome this is a great conversation
where can they find us besides the podcast all over so in the show notes we
have links to our Social Media stuff we have um a private Facebook group and we
have our pod squad which is really fun we meet once a month and we basically
just talk about the topics of the podcast more in depth and people get to ask questions and it's almost like small
group coaching I guess it ends up being a lot of the time um it's a very small group so private it's private it's not
recorded n of that so it's virtual what happens in the pod squad
stays in the pod squad that's right it doesn't get aired on the podcast or anything like that um yeah so you can
find us in all those places awesome great conversation Ashley thank
you for for picking a lead on that yeah thank you for asking me lots of fun
questions anytime we'll chat with you next time yes ma'am love you latte love
you [Music]
latte