ISI Brotherhood Podcast

96. What Every Guy Thinks About All the Time

• Aaron Walker & Kevin Wallenbeck

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"It’s not too late going forward, just focus on what’s ahead of you, not what’s behind you." Guys think about four things: sex, finances, time, and relationships. We're skipping over sex today to discuss HOW to think about the other 3 on the list to become a successful man who adds significance and value to the world around him. 

Hear firsthand how regular conversations and planning with your wife can reduce stress, foster harmony, and reveal unexpected opportunities for more time for what matters.

Key Takeaways:

  • What turning to a vice will do for you
  • What do we do with our anxieties? 
  • How to move forward from past mistakes
  • How to manage your time well


We reflect on the early, challenging days of starting a business, and the powerful role of faith and community support. A heartwarming story of family prayer and an anonymous act of generosity highlights the importance of prioritizing relationships and time. We delve into strategies for balancing personal time, nurturing relationships, and achieving both success and significance. Tune in for actionable insights and join our ISI Iron Sharpens Iron community for ongoing support and engagement.

Iron Sharpens Iron Community: https://go.viewfromthetop.com/community
LinkedIn Group: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/group

If you want to hear more speakers like this every month and be with the guys on the call, join the Iron Sharpens Iron Community today: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/isi-community

Connect with Big A:
View From The Top Website: https://isibrotherhood.com
The ISI Newsletter: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/newsletter
Big A’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronwalkerviewfromthetop/

Episode 50: Is a Sexless Marriage Really a Marriage?: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/view-from-the-top/id1649249589?i=1000628482116

Speaker 1:

Hey everybody, welcome back to View From the Top podcast, where we help growth-minded men who desire momentum in their business, their family and their finances get through the valleys and up the mountain to their very own View From the Top. Hey, I've got a question for you listeners today. How many decisions do you have to make today? What about this week? What about this month?

Speaker 1:

As a fellow business owner, husband, father, investor and friend, it seems I'm making decisions all the time. A recent Harvard Business Review study reported that we make 33,000 to 35,000 decisions per day. Oh, my goodness. Well, I don't know if that's true or not, but while some of those decisions probably are minuscule, don't matter much there are enough of them that have a huge impact those decisions that I make on my marriage, my children, my business, my finances and my spiritual journey. And I need other men I can trust, a tribe, to belong to, and for that I choose Iron Sharpens Iron. If you also want to be connected and engaged with a growing group of growth-minded Christian businessmen and leaders who are also making informed, vetted decisions through a biblical lens, go check out the ISI community for yourself at viewfromthetopcom slash community. All right, without further ado, let's get the man, the legend in the studio, welcome.

Speaker 2:

Big A. I don't know about that legend stuff, but I'm excited. You know, I have to confess, when you were telling your opening and you said that there were 30, 35,000 questions, Decisions in a day, I mean decisions.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but what I was? I always tell Robin do you have 30,000 questions for me every day? That don't go over well, by the way, so it's not just decisions. I put it back on her and said you got that many questions. I don't know if Sonia has that many questions, but, man, if you got to take that many questions and decisions, we're busy people, Wally. That's a lot going on, man, that's a lot going on. That's a lot going on how you been Things going well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm doing good man. We're what headed into the, we're at the pretty much what the end of August here, so no end of July here, I think. So it's crazy how fast things are going.

Speaker 2:

You can't even keep up with your calendar.

Speaker 1:

You're going to have to get a calendar out on your desk.

Speaker 2:

You don't know what month it is. This is 2024, by the way I've traveled, so much. I know you don't know what month it is, Wally.

Speaker 1:

People getting married. What's going on?

Speaker 2:

I know my granddaughter. I know that's the next one I got to go to. I know.

Speaker 1:

Next one I get to. I'm excited. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. You better have fixed that Just real quick, you're talking about my granddaughter here.

Speaker 2:

You're talking about my granddaughter. You know, wally, when we were talking to some of our team members. They're responsible for putting together our content calendar for the podcast, as you obviously know. But when I first saw the title to this episode and they always give me the content and they say, hey, here's things that we need to discuss when I first read this what every guy thinks about every day I got to be honest with you straight up, straight out of the gate. I thought, oh my gosh, this is going to be about sex.

Speaker 1:

This is going to be good.

Speaker 2:

And then we started diving deeper and even to my own admission and notes. There are a few other things that guys think about besides that. I will say that's at the top of the list. There's nothing wrong with that whatsoever. I don't say that in a vulgar sense at all. That's a really good thing and it's really important to all men, and so that's good.

Speaker 2:

But we are going to cover a few more things today, like money and time and relationships, and one of the things that's good but we are going to cover a few more things today, like money and time and relationships, and one of the things that's coming more evidently clear every single day is guys are talking more about long-term security, and I'd have to say that these are top of mind most days for most small business owners and decision makers that we deal with every single day. So I thought it'd be good, man, maybe we could break this down a little bit and kind of prioritize them and yeah, and break it down. But, wally, I got to ask you what was the first thing that came to your mind when you saw the notes. What's the first thing?

Speaker 1:

that came to everybody's mind you just said you told somebody this just an hour ago. You're like hey, our next topic is this. And they're like you guys going to talk about that, Like well, we actually already talked about that. There's another episode on sex.

Speaker 2:

We'll make sure that we announce that at the end here. We're going to talk about it more. We are covering that a little bit today. We are for sure, because it is important. It's something the guys think about quite often.

Speaker 1:

But for sure, that was the very first thing. But, just like you said, the more I've thought about it, knowing this topic's coming up and you know these topics. You mentioned our content, calendar and things. It's really interesting that these topics come from you guys that are listening. The members yeah, yeah, like you guys that are listening, like that comes from, whether it's social media, whether it's the ISI community, topics and discussions, and the members of the mastermind.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, like that. It's just crazy. We'll be having conversations and we have a on the list that we're going to talk about going into 2025 already, because our 2024 calendar is already full of awesome great topics that these guys want to talk about.

Speaker 2:

Well, wally, let me just say this is thank you. Everyone that is submitting emails, you're doing the private messages, the direct messages in the community, in the mastermind. We listen and we want to talk about topics that is helpful and beneficial to you. And several months ago, you know, we sat down with our team and we brainstormed three hours. That was a long meeting, by the way, wally, but we brainstormed for three hours talking about the things that we get the most requests for. So hopefully this is helpful.

Speaker 2:

Always feel the freedom to reach out, give us other topics, topics that you hear about. You want us to break down even further. We're happy to do it. But let's jump in today, let's talk about some of these things and prioritize them. And before I'll say the priority, that doesn't mean it's for everybody. I mean Wally and I even disagree on orders of importance on things that we talk about.

Speaker 2:

Wally and I are different seasons of our life. I'm in a much different season than a new small business owner or someone just getting out of college, starting their profession, starting their family. Like you know, I've got different life experiences and so we've put it in some semblance of order here just a little bit, just based on the best conversations that we've had, in order of importance, but that doesn't necessarily mean that's top of the list for you. But hey, outside of sex, finances is right at the top of the list. We're all trying to make a living, we're trying to provide for our families, we want some level of security, and I think that we have to agree collectively that there's a constant pressure on us, as small business owners and decision makers, to ensure financial stability and growth, both personally and professionally, as it relates to our finances. And so, wally, is it fair to say this is towards the top of your list as well?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for sure. I don't know how many, exactly how many times it's mentioned, even in scripture, but I know money is mentioned, like what? Almost 2000 times.

Speaker 2:

So over 23 or 2400 times finances are mentioned.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, from the front to back Old Testament, new Testament. So obviously in God, the front to back Old Testament, new Testament. So obviously in God's letters to us. Right, he knew it was going to be important. They knew that. And money is so interesting All these seasons of life that we have. You and I are like you said, we're just slightly different seasons. I'm just slightly behind you. You're going into the fourth quarter, if you will, kind of a thing. I'm just hit the second half, right. So money is like I forget, is it? Thou shalt prosper, rabbi Lappin.

Speaker 2:

Daniel.

Speaker 1:

Lappin yeah, Great book and so often. I haven't heard it that much lately, probably because of the guys that we surround ourselves with, but I remember for a lot of years there was like this movement, almost that like money was bad, Right, Like and you've said it here too Like we've been on calls with guys before and been like well, you know profit and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like- Almost apologize.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like what is going on, you know, and that's just a limiting belief, right, and usually that's brought up by people that have never had any money or never will. I mean, I don't mean to be sarcastic, but that's the truth, right, that have that mindset, that promote that mindset. But I look at what God has enabled people to do with money In my own life. I think of being able to raise a family, and it doesn't really matter the amount, because he promises to take care of us, but when he gives us an amount, we need to be good stewards of that. And so it's always on my mind, right, not consuming.

Speaker 1:

There's been different times in my life where it's probably been more consuming than it needed to be. You know, I had this big event, big business sale event in 2019. And it's only been recently, so it's been almost five years. It'd be five years in October, which is crazy. Been recently, so it's been almost five years. It'd be five years in October, which is crazy. And it's only been the last six months to a year that I've been able to like, with God's help, be able to work myself out of a protection mindset. It's like, okay, now you have this thing or you get this thing and I never would have thought in a million years that would have been an issue ever. And so different seasons of life, different things going on.

Speaker 2:

God gives us like opportunities, but money is on our mind a lot for sure you know, I would say it's the bulk of our time thinking about growing our business, making investments, how to protect it, how to invest it, what should I do with it. A lot of times Should I spend this? I mean break it right down to home.

Speaker 1:

Should I spend this? Should I do with it A lot of times? Should I spend this? I mean, break it right down to home? Should I spend this? Should I not spend this? Do we go on this vacation or that vacation?

Speaker 2:

Do we?

Speaker 1:

spend this much on Christmas. Do we not spend this much on Christmas? Like, do we even have a budget? Right, right?

Speaker 2:

And you know the other challenge that goes along with that is, the vast majority of our audience is married, and so our spouse was raised differently. With money, they look at it through a different lens, and so now we're coming together. I remember when Robin and I first got married of course we were both broke as children, but we still had different concepts of money and the way that we should take care of it or invest it or spend it, and I'll never forget Wally. Going back now this is hilarious to say this out loud it was 44 years ago now because it was the first year we got married. I remember we lived in a little condo Neely's Bend Condominiums in Madison, tennessee, which is just 11 miles north of Nashville Dominiums in Madison, tennessee, which is just 11 miles north of Nashville and we had this 600 square foot condo right, had this tiny bathroom. You couldn't open the stove and pass each other in the kitchen, right. It was tiny, this little bitty place, but I remember sitting at the kitchen table. It was in the evening after I'd gotten home. We closed our business. I came home and I was paying the bills and I remember this sick, sick feeling that I had that there wasn't enough money to pay our bills.

Speaker 2:

And when Robin and I first got married, we opened various charge cards and went out and you know Robin had different accounts at different dress shops and things like that. And I remember if I wasn't just 19 years old I probably would have cried. But I just said Robin, go in there and get your pocketbook and bring it here. And she went and got her purse and brought it in there and she goes okay, what? And I said give me all your credit cards. She goes what I said give me all your credit cards. So she did. She opened her bill. She goes what's the matter? I said we don't have enough money to pay our bills. And she goes you're kidding. What happened? I said we're spending too much.

Speaker 1:

What do you mean? What happened?

Speaker 2:

And I took my wallet and I took the credit cards out and I put them in an envelope and I sealed the envelope. I was scared to cut them up. You know, nobody ever heard of Dave Ramsey at the time. Dave Ramsey wasn't a thing. And I put them in an envelope and the next day I took them to the bank and I put them, I put them in the lock box and now, only this past year, I've got a credit card, 45 years later. I had an American express that we use for traveling, but it didn't have a credit card for those 40, 43 years.

Speaker 2:

And my financial advisor told me he goes, it'd be a lot easier if you just put this stuff on credit card and just pay it off at the end of the month. So I went to Rob and she goes are you kidding me? We're going to do that. And I said, yeah, we're going to do that. And so we did. So it left that kind of scar on me and Robin and I really talked through the finances and we've had a whole different approach as a result of that. So my motivation was I didn't want to be broke right and so I've probably given it too much thought over the course of 45 years. But I think it's really really an important problem to manage and it's a really important tool that we do have to be good stewards over, and I just wanted to share that little story with you today. But, Wally, what are some of the problems and trials that you hear in the Mastermind Group and the people you coach and the people in our community? What are some of the trials and problems that they experience related to finances?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think the number one thing that stands out for me was similar to what I did when I was younger. I just didn't have a plan, didn't have a budget, didn't know where my money was going. I remember the first time we actually did a budget and obviously there's lots of programs out there today we did Financial Peace University with Ramsey back in 2012. And I remember Sonia was working at that time and we went and did a budget and we lived by that budget for three months. At the end of the three months she was working part-time, she wasn't making a ton of money, and I just remember and being at the end of that three months and going. We don't actually like you don't need to work, like you can invest that time with the girls in a different way while they were still at home, and you don't need to. If we just get better at managing what we have that God's given to us better and well, versus just you know, oh it's there, we can spend it, kind of a thing.

Speaker 2:

You wouldn't have known that had you not paid attention, though right, no, that's my point is most people don't pay attention.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah they just don't pay attention. And so I think that's the number one thing. I mean, whether you're a budget person or not, it's not even the point Like just knowing where you're spending your money, I don't care what you call it. Knowing what you have and what God's entrusted to you because it's his, it's all his at the end of the day, and knowing what he's entrusted to you because it's his, because you didn't come in with it and you ain't going out with it. So don't be confused, you know. Just keeping track and being aware and being intentional. Don't be a wuss man Like I. What do they say? Maybe you should do another one, that, uh, another episode about you? Know the three things that come. Three or four things couples fight about right, sex, money and kids. Right, that's about it. And, um, money's one of those things and that we fight about, and usually because we don't have a plan, do you?

Speaker 2:

think it causes more stress in your marriage by not being better prepared and knowing where you're spending money? Or do you think it causes more disagreements in your marriage when you confront this Like a lot of people don't want to confront this, and I know a lot of guys that are like, oh man, there's no way I'm going to go to my wife and tell her that where we're at. Or the wife would go to the husband and say, hey, you can't keep spending on golf and fishing and you know whatever. We all want a prosperous future financially all of us, nobody can deny that but honestly, it's really taxing on our daily lives and a lot of it is. These unmet expectations causes your frustration and we have expectations but we're not communicating, we're not discussing it. That's it right there. I know you do a really, really good job way better than I do in regards to having these kinds of open conversations. Robin is like Sonia. Robin's not worked our whole marriage and I know Sonia did at the beginning and has once or twice even throughout that.

Speaker 1:

Different reasons different things.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, she chose to, but how do you guys come together to manage? Just give us the wall and back style what, what do y'all do? How do you manage your money?

Speaker 1:

So, uh, now, uh, we use a, a budgeting tool called you need a budgetcom and it's an app on our phones and, um, you know, our income gets deposited in there for our monthly expenses and then I distribute that out in categories every month and, uh, sonia and I, typically, when we were younger, uh, we would, we would try to meet on that once every month, once every other month, month, seventh quarter kind of a thing. Now it's more once a quarter, once every six months, unless something changes, just because we have. You know, we're pretty habitual in what we're doing and what our plan is. Unless something drastically changes, I just do my thing every month, but one of you has to take the lead right and it's difficult for most marriages. One of you is more inclined to whether you want to or not. That's not the point. One of you is more inclined to be able to organize the finances and then be able to share that with the other person and then for them to give you feedback and then have conversation and make good decisions and just work it through.

Speaker 1:

But for us that's like our standard. You know, every month that's what we do as far as like quarterly or biannually typically, or even annually. We try to plan our vacations out and so we plan our budget according to that. Some months, some years, things change in terms of like how much we're traveling and how much we're not traveling and and yeah, and sort of sinking funds. We do that. So, like I have a sinking fund for a new car right, I don't plan on buying one for like five, probably five, eight years just because we just bought new cars, newer cars, in the last few years. But I don't want to be surprised, like when we get there. So I put money aside for that every month and that just builds up over time and those are called sinking funds and so that works pretty good and at the end of the day, it's just you said it.

Speaker 2:

It's like communicating and having a plan.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, other people might do this different.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to share some of that because you and I are 180 degrees opposite. Yeah, and that's okay, right.

Speaker 1:

But I think at the end of the day you can't deny I'll go to my grave on this one and I'll throw rocks through the computer screen to prove I'm right on this one. But talking about it and having communication is a requirement, that's not an optional. Hey, my wife and I don't work that way. I think I firmly believe that the communication in that part of marriage is especially. 50 years ago may have been different, but today it's for young couples any couple like that's important to be on the same page. Otherwise you're I'm just telling you right now like taught. We brought finances up first because in a lot of ways finances actually influences relationships. If your finances aren't in order, you're not communicating, your relationship's going to suffer, right? It's just this you're. It just is If you're if your times we're gonna talk about time next right, if your time's out of sync, then your relationship's going to suffer. And so I believe that wholeheartedly. That's not like a preference thing. Communication is really important.

Speaker 2:

Wally, is it fair to say, though there's different levels of communication, there's different levels of depth.

Speaker 1:

That some are interested in more than others, absolutely. Is that fair?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I said that kind of as a caveat to what I'm going to share. So I said that kind of as a caveat to what I'm going to share. So Robin has been an amazing wife. I mean she's incredible. My biggest advocate, my biggest supporter. We've had a phenomenal marriage. She's elected to be at home with Brooke and Holly. She's elected to be at home with our grandkids. Every opportunity she gets, she takes care of our home. It's incredible.

Speaker 2:

But the business side and the finance side she defers to me, and she just said you've been in business your entire career. You've always taken care of the money. I give her the big picture and this is not necessarily going to work for everybody, but just take the two differences Wally has described and I'm describing and find what works for you. Find what works for you. Yeah, there is a level of communication, though, that Robin desires. Robin doesn't desire to be in the weeds on all of our financial decisions, and so I give her high level, and we do that maybe once a year, maybe every six months. We talk about the big things that we're working towards around our home, or investments for our kids, for our grandkids. Whatever the financial expenditure is going to be. We talk about it at a very high level, but in the details she just says I know you're going to do a better job than me and I defer to you and we've set some things up and parameters, like not tracking every dollar. I think it's an amazing thing if that's what works well for you. But we know about what we spend and we first tithe on everything that we make. 10% goes to our local church and that's been the case for 45 years. Ever since I was nine years old, we've given 10% to the local church of our gross income. Now I'm only sharing that with you to highlight the importance that is to us. That's very important to us. And then there's a certain amount that we put aside for investments or savings, whatever have you, and then there's an amount that goes in and we just spend it the way we're very responsible. So it's not like we're out here spending crazy money, but we're not ones that track every dollar. That's just not who we are as a couple and it's worked well for us.

Speaker 2:

So my point is Wally's much more detailed and that works for he and Sonia, robin and I not as much, and that works well for us. The point is Wally's much more detailed, and that works for he and Sonia Robin and I not as much, and that works well for us. The point is is there communication between us so that we're both on the same page? Where I think we get in trouble is when we start fighting I want to do it this way, she wants to do it that way, and we never get to a good spot. So I think it's good that we talk through it until we get to a good spot, we agree this is the way we're going to do it, and then we adhere to the budget.

Speaker 2:

So what about when that doesn't work out, though, and you've got a lot of financial stress and a lot of people listening to us today? Quite honestly, I know firsthand, they're up against the wall with financial stress. Like, is there things that, wally, that you have seen you defer to? I know a lot of people, will you know, drink excessively when they're under duress financially. Some of them eat a lot, some people buy stuff, some people just leave it and go on vacations that they probably couldn't afford, and then other people reward themselves, you know. So let's talk about that, wally, when you get stressed financially, is there a vice or is there something you lean towards, and then, when you do well, do you reward yourself?

Speaker 1:

Maybe I'm an anomaly, I don't think I've ever been either way on that personally. Like I remember back, I remember when we were younger, starting off the business. It's so interesting because you, it's so easy to forget, and we have these, we do these podcast episodes and I start thinking back to some of the moments, some of the situations, and it's like, oh my gosh, like that. So I remember getting the girls there was, there was something that we needed to do as a family, a bill we had to pay and we didn't have enough money. I just started the business, probably a year or two in, and this was was back in like 2000,.

Speaker 1:

What? Three or four? So Jenna, our youngest, was like three or four and our oldest would have been like nine or 10. And I remember I appreciate Sonia's leadership on this I remember her saying, hey, let's, we need to pray about this as a family. And so we all got in the living room, got down around on our knees around the Ottoman and we just called out to God and asked him for help. And I know it sounds so weird and you hear these stories and I heard one the other day but literally like the bill was paid by somebody anonymously, like in a week. I know that sounds hokey but there's no way.

Speaker 2:

I got some bills I'm going to bring over and put on your online. There's no way to explain that other than God.

Speaker 1:

We still don't know to this day who took care of that.

Speaker 1:

So, we don't. I mean, I can make assumptions. There wasn't very many people that knew. So my point in that is that I think our first responsibility and opportunity that we have is to give credit where credit's due. And that's that as a believer, as a Christian, a Christ follower, that personally ourselves, that when we feel that stress and that anxiety, that we go to God and the Bible says that we cast all of our cares on him. And that doesn't mean some cares, that means all cares. That is no way saying that somehow, miraculously, there isn't a consequence. Maybe we made a decision, some financial decision.

Speaker 1:

You know, I've seen I was talking to somebody about a month ago and they're like, yeah, my business isn't, you know, it's going, but it's barely making it. And we've been doing it for three years now. And and I got asking questions, asking questions I knew a little bit of his backstory and I was like, okay, so, but so he's always struggling with money. And I'm like, but but when you started the business, like, did you sacrifice anything? Did you change your monthly nut Like? Did you adjust your budget? Did you go live in a smaller house? Did you like that Like, or did you just maintain what you had when you had a corporate job, and that's, that's, that was the thing they had, maintained what they had, and so they were starting their business.

Speaker 1:

It was very difficult to get ahead right, because you're already starting at a deficit. And so you know, when you have the boats right and the jet skis and the slip and I'm not saying those things are bad at all, I'm just saying, like, when you're struggling because you made some decisions, there's going to be consequences from that, and it doesn't mean that God can't help work through that. He does. That also might mean you got to make some serious changes, right. That's just that's what it means sometimes.

Speaker 2:

So I want to encourage the listeners that are out there today that are stressed financially Just pause for a moment and listen to me for a second. Don't turn to some vice, because all you're doing is creating a future problem, whether it be too much alcohol, taking too many trips. You can't afford having more leverage than you really should. Turning to pornography, all that's going to do is create other hardships in your life, and I want to encourage you to get some guys around you that you can be totally transparent with. You can be honest and go hey, I'm in a bad spot, like, maybe it's to my own doing, maybe I bought some things that I shouldn't have bought, but I'm stressed about it. I don't really know how to work out of it. I don't want you to complicate the problem that you've already got with another problem, and so I just want to encourage you today get these people around you. Whoever these trusted advisors are an accountability group, peer advisors get a small group of guys. Join a mastermind. Whatever you need to do to be vulnerable and transparent so that you don't keep deflecting towards the thing that's going to create more problems in your life.

Speaker 2:

Wally, what about time there? Never, ever, regardless of who you are seems to be enough time. I mean, it's like what in the world? Time really used to not be as important to me as it is now. I think I've gotten a little older, hopefully a little bit wiser, and time is probably as or more important to me today than money. And some of you may say, well, big A, you got a little bit of money now and so it's not that important to you and you don't got much time left.

Speaker 1:

I'm just kidding, and I don't have much time left. That's the problem.

Speaker 2:

That's why it's so important to me. But I just want to ask, wally, like, what are some of the things you do at this stage in your life? How do you protect your time?

Speaker 1:

I haven't always done it well and I've learned from some guys by talking with them and you know, observing them and how they do it. You've said this before right, we get one shot at this life.

Speaker 2:

We don't get a do-over.

Speaker 1:

We don't get a do-over. This is, this is it. And so I know we just came off the money thing right. So guys are like, oh, I'm struggling with money. And then we get to time and it's like, oh, if I had more time I can make more money. And it's like the older I get, the more I believe God's word to be true, like my faith matures and grows because I see him working, not just in my life but other guys' lives. And when I see other guys' lives and they prioritize, so they make priority. It's interesting. There's a whole story behind this. You can probably find it online. But priorities the plural of that is actually like a current English United States thing. There actually is only one priority. It's it's for one thing at a time and so it's not a plural word.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And so what is our priority with our time? And that could change. Like when we go to work, that's our priority, like we're there, we're doing the job and and we're focused so that we can do an excellent job. And then sometimes you can flex that right, depending on, especially if you own a business, you have some freedom potentially to flex Not always you can be irresponsible with that too, but knowing where you can flex and when you can flex and when you're home, be present, right, be present when you're present.

Speaker 1:

You've said that so many times and just learning from these other guys that have done such a good job even at such a young age 30s and 40s, young families at home and they've prioritized, they've made a priority out of their life depending on where they're at and what they're doing, um, so that it's so easy to get so busy and just have so many things coming at us that we actually don't enjoy, we don't find joy or happiness in, in the things that are going on. It's just a cloud all the time. Um, and I've not always done that well. I blended too much early on. I could have done that well. I blended too much early on. I could have done that differently Would have had a little different outcome.

Speaker 1:

Just my relationships, especially with my. I have a good relationship with my daughters, but you look back and go. I could have done that different or better, but just finding that priority, I think with time is what matters to you most is being able to answer that question. What matters to you most is being able to answer that question. What matters to you most, super important.

Speaker 2:

Wally, what you just said is something really important for our listeners today. Some of you have done a really bad job at prioritizing your time and you've really sacrificed your family and those relationships to gain financially. All day long. We could talk about that and it won't change it, but what you can do is change from today forward. So I would just encourage the listeners don't beat yourself up over what you didn't do, just like Wally.

Speaker 2:

You were saying, well, I could have done something different with my three girls. You could have, but now you can be an influence in those three girls' lives for their children. You could have, but now you can be an influence in those three girls' lives for their children. And you could say, hey, don't make the same mistake dad made and I want to be better with my grandchildren, or I want to be better today. Those have got young kids. It's like, do not tantalize yourself with saying what I didn't do these past five years. Go in there to them right now and say, hey, from today forward, I'm going to be present, I'm going to prioritize my family and I'm going to be here for you guys.

Speaker 1:

Because if you don't— Go ahead, sorry, I'll let you finish. I just want to tell you about this guy.

Speaker 2:

I know yeah, I was just going to say. If you don't, though, you're going to hit a wall. Eventually, there's something that's going to come up in your relationship or for you individually, and you'll hit a wall.

Speaker 1:

That's a good word. There's a guy who both know his name is Kurt and he screwed up big time raising his family. But his kids are adults now. They're out, you know, late 30s, late 20s, maybe early 30s and just to watch him build those relationships back it's taken a long time. But, my gosh, what a blessing. That's the fruit that's being produced, because you know he's given it to God and he's being intentional and he's being consistent.

Speaker 2:

He is so intentional every day. It's so good, it's so good. He's an inspiration man.

Speaker 1:

He's one of those guys that's like it's like don't ever tell me it's too late.

Speaker 2:

No, never.

Speaker 1:

No, because I know Kurt, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he's in his fifties and he's like, hey, I've recognized that I was away too much, I was way too involved in work and I missed a lot of my kids' lives. And now to see his intentionality, and he's traveling all over the country seeing his kids and his grandkids, calls them all the time, sends them great literature and resources. He's I'm getting fired up thinking about him. He just does such a great job at what he's done. So all of you out there, it's not too late going forward. Just focus on what's ahead of you, not what's behind you.

Speaker 2:

Wally, there was a time though, uh, a couple of times in my career that I didn't manage my time well at all and, as I said earlier, I was one of those guys that hit the wall, and a few years ago I even needed a couple of months off, and I've told about that in previous episodes. Uh, we've got members now that is putting it into their vision intentional time to take off, and one of our members just got back from a 30-day intentional sabbatical where he unplugged you know from social media, his business, you know he went dark on the phone. I mean he was. You know what his wife told him the second day into the sabbatical he was helping her cook dinner and she said I can't even begin to tell you how nice it is that you're present, when you're present, second day, yeah, that'll have lasting impact right there, like not just this sabbatical, but like just going into their relationship in the future.

Speaker 2:

So the point is is to be very intentional about blocking time out for yourself. Oftentimes I used to think it was selfish that I would take time to go to the lake or I'd go play golf or I would do those things and you can abuse that. You can abuse anything. You can abuse going to the gym or you can abuse going to the lake. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that it's okay if you and your spouse are having communication and you're respectful of each other. Just saying, hey, I need a few hours for myself and let's do it intentionally, and I want to do it for you as well. I'll watch the kids, I'll do these things. I think that it's just sitting down there again being a steward with your time. It's just saying, hey, we manage our finances that we can get more of, but we can't get any more time. We're only given a certain allotment and so we need to be more critical with how we manage our time than how we do our finances.

Speaker 1:

You're talking about time and then you know you mentioned the relationship aspect of it and I want to twist this around real quick, I think. I think relationships is not something that guys actually think about the most, think about the most, but it's not something that we necessarily do. I think we let we sacrifice a lot of in relationship when we actually should be you, you have a core value relationships matter most and you know you have been, you have been very good at you know I'm sure there's been moments right in your life, but you've been very good at the relationship component. As far as making that a priority and how important it is, sonia and I were at dinner last night and we actually were talking about, you know, how do we get to be 51, whatever we are in life, our kids are gone. We have, you know, by all, by all.

Speaker 1:

Looking in the window of our lives, even ourselves looking in the window of our lives, it's like man, there's so many goodness, good things going on, like our spiritual lives are maturing, the relationship, our family, like finances, like just all those things, and then, but there still feels like there's something missing and you know we're talking about potentially that God's direction in our lives what that looks like. But we kind of brought it back to like I don't know if either one of us have a solid, good friendship relationships because, coming back to time and the relationships, I haven't paid as much attention to individual relationships. And so she challenged me last night actually and we'll see what happens here, I'll have to come back and report on it but she challenged me and we talked about some things that I could do to build some of those one-on-one or, you know, one-to-few relationships, because it is something that we should be thinking about all the time.

Speaker 2:

Well, it takes a lot of work and that's the reason a lot of people duck the relationship, because to have a real relationship and you and I have built a really solid relationship over the past eight years and even now we find ourselves having very difficult conversations, way more so than we would have five years ago- yeah, I got beat up last week, man.

Speaker 2:

I wasn't going to say who got beat up. It was a good meeting. The truth is is that five years ago we couldn't have had that conversation. That's true. Ago we couldn't have had that conversation. And so relationships, being very intentional, take a lot of effort and there's a lot of vulnerability and transparency and honesty that goes into a real relationship and I wonder why we can't really see that as young businessmen. I think that we desire it, but we're so busy trying to make a way for ourself that we set the relationship side part aside and say we'll come back to this later.

Speaker 2:

Just like Bob Buford wrote a really good book and he talks about in the book success and significance. Well, it's the end. It's like you'll be successful now. Now and later you can be significant. And I actually called up there and talked to the guy that was managing that book for him and I said I've got a little different perspective because I've adopted some of these principles that you teach by. A guy introduced me to Bob Buford years ago and that book was really instrumental on helping formulate the way I think about things. But I said I think it's success and significance, not success, then significance, and it was really interesting to him and before Bob died, they had had a conversation about retooling the book and adopting that principle.

Speaker 2:

Because I think most people think I'm going to do all I can do now Later I'll get to that significant piece, and I just suggest that we can do it simultaneously. And so think about it on your journey, when you're building these relationships that carve out a portion of your time to really dive deep into these relationships, of your time, to really dive deep into these relationships. And so I just want to encourage you. Today you can even adopt relationships matter most as one of your core values. We'll loan it to you, right, it's our very number one core value, but we want you to be able to do the same. So, wally, any final comments about relationships before we move on.

Speaker 1:

No man, that's a. I'm glad you covered these topics today. Um all of them. I look back and think about you. Know what, as a man, it got me thinking again? And what's important finances, time, relationships and all these things, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And I think for every guy um out, at the end of the day, in all these areas it comes back to what matters most to you. If you can answer that question and write it down, then you're going to find some progress in life toward that not just success, but also significance that you were talking about.

Speaker 2:

Hey, guys, we finish up today. I want to give you a little bit of food for thought as we end this episode. You know financial strength is really important, but don't let anybody convince you otherwise. Don't let them tell you that it's not. Money is important. Just keep it in its right context.

Speaker 2:

Money's not your God. Money is a tool that we use to live the life that God created for us to live, and I just want you to own that money and not let the money rule over you. Money's just a great tool, so use it that way. Don't focus on just the accumulation of it, but think about the usefulness of it and how it applies accordingly to every area of our life. Remember that time is invaluable. We never have enough of it and we can't create more of it. So make sure that you're a great steward using this invaluable asset and, at the end of the day, we are all investing in relationships to one degree or another, and I want you to maximize this time and build those relationships that will serve you well in every area of your life. If you will take just a moment, think about these areas in your life, because we want you, too, to have that incredible view from the top.

Speaker 1:

Hey, thanks again for listening in today this episode. Hopefully you're able to take some action on what we talked about today. You can always reach out to us pod P-O-D at viewfromthetopcom. We would love to hear from you, man, go ahead too and subscribe on and the platform you listen to podcasts on. Leave a review for us so that other people can find this information be helpful to them as well. And please remember to go out to viewfromthetopcom slash community. Check that out to get connected to the ISI Iron Sharpens, iron community and we will see you next time.