Step Into the Light: God’s Path to Healing Your Marriage

Podcast Summary

Many Christian couples quietly struggle in their marriage while feeling pressure to appear strong in faith and leadership. In this episode, we unpack the importance of bringing marriage challenges into the light instead of hiding behind shame, guilt, or image management.

Drawing from our own story of serving in ministry while privately struggling with communication, we explore a common pattern among leaders, business owners, and couples alike: projecting strength while suffering in silence. We discuss why struggling in marriage does not reflect weak faith and how seeking wisdom, counsel, and support is a biblical path toward healing.

Through Scripture and real-life insights, we share how humility, authenticity, and intentional growth create stronger communication, deeper connection, and marriages that truly reflect Christ’s love. When couples step into the light, they create space for healing, congruence, and a powerful witness to the world.

If something feels “off” in your marriage, this conversation will encourage you to listen to that inner prompting, reject shame, and take the next step toward health, wholeness, and the thriving marriage God desires.

Hope Relentless

Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:00)
Today we're going to talk about bringing marriage issues into the light. Oftentimes our knee-jerk reaction is to keep things hidden and to just keep moving through, but we want to bring those things into the light. And so we're going to talk about how to grow in communication and connection, but also really emphasize how a lot of times as Christians, we think that if we're struggling in our marriage, that our faith is weak. And that's just not true. One thing does not equal the other. So we want to talk more about that.

Speaker 1 (00:31)
And so I think about even in our story, early on in marriage.

Even before that, Sarah Gale and I met, my pick-up line was inviting her to go to church with me. And so right from the beginning of our relationship, our faith played a part. We served in the youth ministry, we ended up getting married, and we were on staff at a local church and helping to lead the youth ministry. But the reality is, our communication was a mess. Hot mess. And so we're sitting here leading a team of 30, 40 volunteers, leading a youth ministry of a couple hundred kiddos, ⁓ and having arguments.

home and there was this tension and this almost like shame and this guilt around our communication and at the time we weren't really sure what to do and so it's kind of like wow well we're supposed to be leading we're supposed to be setting the example we're supposed to be some type of standard of communication when in reality we were 21 and 23 and newlyweds and kids leading kids basically yeah and so there's plenty of reasons for us to reach out and to get

But I know in those early days we weren't and so the challenge was is our communication was not getting better Yeah, and fast forward a couple decades ⁓ in different podcasts will share a little bit more part of our story But now we have the honor and the privilege of working with couples that are leading businesses that are leading ministries either senior pastors or overseeing a youth ministry or a men's ministry and There's a lot of this common pattern that we see Where leaders in our community?

I feel like because they're good at ministry or because they are leading professionally the assumption is they should know how to communicate in their marriage and so often these are different skills and so part of this we just want couples that are listening to this if you need help ⁓ Get it. It's okay, right? Like odds are your neighbors your other friends your family members if they have great communication in their marriage I'm willing to bet there's a level of intentionality

Yeah, or a level of equipping that they have done. Maybe you know about it. Maybe you don't but the biggest thing is ⁓ not to Shrink back into the dark not to allow a sense of shame or a sense of guilt To kind of linger and hover because all that does is prevent you from moving forward into everything that God actually has for you

Speaker 2 (02:57)
Yeah, that's

good. So I'm learning new things today. I'm learning that him inviting me to church was a pickup line, apparently. Well done, sir. Well done. And, you know, if this is you, you know, you're listening, if you're thinking, yeah, you know, we are we have high profile positions, whether it's in ministry, business or just in life. Like a lot of times people might not be in ministry or business, but they are the ones their friends look to. And, you know, they feel like they have to have it all together or maybe even they grew up.

Thinking that because of what they saw, you know, lot of couples have never seen their parents disagree or anything like that And so it's it's us working through even our upbringing as far as okay What did we see and how is that? perpetuating a way of interacting together that isn't authentic that is is hiding that's not bringing things into the light and ⁓ Really what is important to know is that when we bring things into the light that is wisdom that is wisdom through and through

God tells us to bring it to counsel, get counsel, get wisdom. And so I wanna go over a couple of scriptures just to highlight this. In Proverbs 15, 22, it says, counsel, plans fail, but with many advisors, they succeed. Proverbs 11, 14, where there's no guidance, a people falls, but in abundance of counselors, there is safety. And lastly, Proverbs 19, 20, listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future. And.

all throughout scripture there's more that is telling us, hey, God has already paid the price, right? There's no condemnation in Christ. On the contrary, because we are righteous in Christ, we can face different situations without guilt, without feeling like we have to hide and we have to be in shame because God wants us to bring it to him because he's paid the price. And then that's where the healing has an opportunity to start to take place.

Speaker 1 (04:50)
Yeah, and I think part of the rhythm of when we work with couples is oftentimes we'll do a consultation. And a consultation just maybe 20 or 25 minutes with a couple to see if we're a good fit. there's this pattern or this rhythm that I recognize that is part of the conversations when either a business leader or a ministry leader, there's a sense of shame in that conversation, like they should know better. And then one of the other things is there can be this pattern where there's a commitment,

an underlying commitment to project image over health. And so a lot of them even talk about this tension that they experience when they're leading, whether it's their company or their ministry, ⁓ that they're giving advice while simultaneously feeling in their heart that they are not in alignment because of their marriage, or really because of their communication in their marriage.

And so what I love is like Christ is clear. Like he didn't pick any of us because of our perfection. Right? Like this whole foundation of our faith is that we weren't worthy, that we didn't have it together. And so I don't think that that changes just because we're believers or just because we're leading or just because we're serving or contributing. I think if anything, our health becomes that much more important. You know, there's a particular couple, he was like part of the executive of a local church.

and their communication and their relationship, oftentimes they were sleeping in different rooms. And when he would go to work, he just felt, ⁓ he felt like such a hypocrite.

And he had a hard time really knowing how much it was or was not impacting his work and his ability to lead But he felt the weight of it on a regular basis. And so here it was he was feeling a burden Not because he was pursuing health But because he was trying to protect or project an image. That's good. And so if you're listening, I just want to encourage you Value health. Yeah, right value wisdom value counsel value putting you and your spouse

in a position to thrive. Not just to survive or not just to cover things up, but to really thrive and to actually be an example, not just in your professional setting, but in the way that you and your spouse interact. I also feel like from our own experience that I guess my judgment is that we can project that we're doing better.

But I don't know that it tricks other people. Yeah, like you like you can tell when a couple is tender or cold Yeah, right. And so I think sometimes like if somebody doesn't call us out We think nobody noticed right, but I'm not sure people close to you if your marriage is struggling You know, or even if it's like your kids they overhear or don't overhear Different conversations. Yeah. So once again, I think it just comes back to that ⁓ Our passion and our heart is to try and create a safe space

Speaker 2 (07:26)
That's

Speaker 1 (07:53)
where people can step into the light and get healing and encouragement and direction. And whether you work with us or not, you matter. Your marriage matters. And so there's so many qualified people that would love to come alongside and just encourage you in this season. And I think oftentimes when working with couples, one of the reviews or things is they wish they had started earlier. And wherever you are, you can't go back, but you can make a decision today.

Speaker 2 (08:21)
Yeah. And something that I think is actually quite beautiful is...

being aware internally when something is off. We know, we can feel it in our marriages when something is off and especially when a moment becomes a season and then it becomes just a lifestyle of how we're doing things because as followers of Christ we know that there's more Holy Spirit inside of us. The Holy Spirit is telling us, is trying to help us to really live God's design for marriage and it doesn't mean

everything will be perfect and we're looking for perfection but there is a sense of fulfillment, a sense of joy, a sense of purpose when it comes to what God has equipped us for for our marriages with the Holy Spirit guiding us. And so ⁓ I think when we can sense that something's off and then we have the courage to get the help, then that's incredible because that makes a big difference in how we show up in every atmosphere that we encounter in our families.

in our workplaces and it helps us to become more like Christ. know, marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church and some people might never step foot in an actual church, but when they see our marriages, they can get a sense of, I like to say it's almost like they can have a fragrance of heaven as they're seeing an authentic relationship. Not a perfect one, but an authentic one, one that forgives, one that serves, right? And I think when we can really listen

to that voice that we all have when it comes to our marriage. You listening, I know there's something where it's like, Spirit's been telling you, has been showing you, and it's not in a condemning way. It's in an opportunity way where it's like, hey, I have more for you. I have more for marriage. And so ⁓ that's one thing I encourage.

you listening and just to recognize that marriage is holy and it's not meant to be something that we pretend it is. It's meant to represent what God has designed it to represent. in essence, that's our relationship with Him. And we know that our relationship with Him is full of highs and lows, but He's constant. He never changes. We're the ones who are all over the place. But as we go back to the source for our marriage, it's going to help us

to see things the way that God sees things and be equipped for whatever it is that we encounter.

Speaker 1 (10:52)
Yeah, I love that idea of our marriage being...

It's such a key part of the gospel, right? Of sharing the good news. And I think about Jesus when he's talking to the disciples and how often and how quickly we can get things upside down, right? That are, we could be thinking that we're focusing kingdom, but really we aren't, right? The disciples following Jesus are arguing over who's the greatest, right? And I don't know that that's changed much in our humanity, right? Fast forward a couple thousand years and there's moments where I'm thinking about

greatness, Where there can be comparison, where there can be impact, where there can be realistically pride can sneak in, right? But Christ set the standard of humility. And I think in our marriages, not only does humility help our marriages thrive,

But when there's humility about needing help, we are also equipping and empowering the people that are looking to us as leaders to actually understand what can bring them freedom, what can bring them health, what can bring wisdom into their life. And so the challenging thing when we kind of pull back.

into the darkness, right? If we don't step into the light and get wisdom or get counsel, if we're leaders, if we're in ministry, if we're leading in business or education or within our community, we're indirectly.

Leading the people that are following us to make that same choice that prevents them from getting help Whereas when we step into humility and we're like hey like I'm committed to growth. Yeah, I'm committed to honoring God I'm committed to to the best of my ability in this season Honoring God and in the context of marriage honoring my spouse and so if that's getting helped and that's getting help if that's doing this and that's doing this It gives other people this freedom. Yeah, and so I just want to encourage you to maybe take a point

of reflection as it relates to your marriage. Are there areas where you're projecting image over health? And what would it look like on a practical level to take a step?

towards prioritizing health? Is that clearing time off your calendar and getting consistent date nights and quality time and actually saying no to some things so that you can say yes to your marriage? Is that reaching out for more intentional couples counseling? Like what is that for you that would represent stepping into the light and stepping into wholeness and healing?

Speaker 2 (13:24)
Let's do it. I'm excited because when we step into the light, that's where we see Jesus and that's where we see all that he has planned for us for marriage in general. But that's also where we get that healing where we can be who we were created to be, where we can be congruent because a lot of times when we're saying one thing, but then we're living a different way, we're doing a different thing we have in congruence and that does impact our self-esteem. so I'm excited if that's you where you're recognizing, okay, there's a next

step for me or if this is something you share with someone in your life that you care about where it's like, hey, you know.

listen to this, let's bring things into the light because we don't have to be ashamed. With Christ, anything is possible and when we go to Christ with what we're dealing with, he carries us, he helps us and he heals us and he shows us how to turn from the things that are not serving us and that are not helping us and how to find a better way. He has a better way for our marriages and that's what fires me up because a lot of us just live in this daunting chain and ball type of situation.

where it's like, no way, not the God that I serve. The God that I serve is good. The God that I serve has amazing things and plans in store for his children. And so I want that and I hope you do too. And it's within our reach.