SPEAKER_04: All right.
SPEAKER_04: Well, good morning, Spring Lake.
SPEAKER_04: It's good to gather with you guys.
SPEAKER_04: I uh it feels like it's been a minute since I've been down here.
SPEAKER_04: I think last time I was down here it was uh, or maybe this up here.
SPEAKER_04: I can't do that geographically.
SPEAKER_04: It's too early for that.
SPEAKER_04: Was talking about mental health.
SPEAKER_04: But um I'm I'm just I'm excited to continue in our uncomfortable series.
SPEAKER_04: Um if we haven't met, my name is Jeff Letter.
SPEAKER_04: I'm the care pastor here, and so I get to oversee a few different areas.
SPEAKER_04: One is uh G4 care groups on Monday nights, as well as our biblical care mentor team, and then just congregational care areas as well.
SPEAKER_04: And so um we're gonna round out our series.
SPEAKER_04: This is the last sermon.
SPEAKER_04: Um, I think if you haven't been made uncomfortable so far, I'm pretty sure by the time you leave here, you'll feel it.
SPEAKER_04: So that that's the that's not the goal.
SPEAKER_04: That is seriously not the goal.
SPEAKER_04: Um we're gonna be just just as a pastoral disclaimer, we are gonna be talking about sexuality.
SPEAKER_04: And so if there are any little ones in the room um or potentially online, just be aware of that.
SPEAKER_04: You've got little ears and questions that like mommy and daddy, what does so-and-so mean?
SPEAKER_04: What does this mean?
SPEAKER_04: If you're not ready to field those, just be aware, you're not gonna be judged.
SPEAKER_04: Having said that, I would just encourage you, employ you as a parent, like to start.
SPEAKER_04: If you haven't started having these conversations, and I say conversations with an S, not just the talk, um, I would start it now.
SPEAKER_04: Um it really doesn't matter how it could be age three and on, just start planting those seeds.
SPEAKER_04: Um, start vague and conceptual and move more and more specific.
SPEAKER_04: I mean, kids are honestly engaging this at younger and younger ages.
SPEAKER_04: And so it's really not a question of whether they're gonna actually be introduced to this, it's just when and if and who's honestly going to shepherd and kind of teach that topic to your kiddos.
SPEAKER_04: So is that gonna be like you're the neighbor kid or somebody's older brother, or just accidentally stumbling upon something online or a TV streaming service?
SPEAKER_04: Um, you want to be that resource, you want to be that person that your kids can talk to about anything that they say, hey, I if I encounter something that makes me feel uncomfortable or that I'm not really sure of, I want to talk to mom and dad on.
SPEAKER_04: And so I would just encourage you, if you're curious, if you're just kind of like figuring out, like, hey, how do I even do that, or what does that look like?
SPEAKER_04: There are resources available.
SPEAKER_04: I'd love to point them towards you if you have questions.
SPEAKER_04: Um, Pastor Ryan in the family ministry side can as well.
SPEAKER_04: There's there's uh resources like the Story of Me series that starts at like age three and a series of books that gets more and more specific.
SPEAKER_04: And so, all that said, I just wanted to put that before you.
SPEAKER_04: Um, having given that disclaimer, imagine with me for a moment that you are 15 years old.
SPEAKER_04: You've signed up for Driver's ed, you walk into the classroom, and the instructor says, Okay, hey, welcome to Driver's Ed.
SPEAKER_04: Before we begin, there's just a few important uh rules to go over before we get started.
SPEAKER_04: Don't speed, don't run red lights, don't text and drive, don't tailgate, don't drift out of your lane, don't hit pedestrians, don't forget your seatbelt, don't drive under the influence, don't uh ignore road signs, and whatever you do, don't cause an accident.
SPEAKER_04: Then he hands you the keys and says, All right, have a have a ball, have a great time.
SPEAKER_04: Like, you'd be a little bit like terrified a little bit.
SPEAKER_04: I'm not really sure where to start.
SPEAKER_04: Like, I have a basic understanding of what not to do, of what to avoid, um, some things that might go wrong, but I'd have no idea to actually how to actually drive well.
SPEAKER_04: No one taught you how to adjust your mirrors, how to watch the road ahead, how to merge, how to break smoothly, navigate intersections, um, react to the crazy things that the drivers around you are gonna do.
SPEAKER_04: What do you do when the unexpected happens?
SPEAKER_04: We're in Wisconsin.
SPEAKER_04: So, how to drive in the snow, the ice, if you can drive in the snow and the ice.
SPEAKER_04: Um, in other words, you were given warnings, but not wisdom.
SPEAKER_04: You were given boundaries, but not a vision, and really rules for avoiding disaster, but no real instruction for flourishing.
SPEAKER_04: And if we're honest, this is how the church has talked about sex.
SPEAKER_04: We've given many necessary don'ts, which they are necessary, and those boundaries matter, but too often we have also not given a holy, a beautiful biblical vision for what God designed marital intimacy to be.
SPEAKER_04: That it would be covenantal and self-giving, that it would be safe and joyful and tender and deeply unifying.
SPEAKER_04: We warn people of everything that could go wrong, like what the sinful expression of this looks like, and then basically assume, hey, couples will just figure out the rest when it comes to the wedding night.
SPEAKER_04: And we hope that's the case because we're likely not going to talk about it again after premarital counseling unless something goes horribly wrong.
SPEAKER_04: Now, for many, their only exposure to the subject is to condemn it, and then they get to the wedding night and have to flip that paradigm from wrong to right, which is why a lot of Christian couples actually kind of struggle with that first night.
SPEAKER_04: Um, I want so badly for us as the church to reclaim the beauty of what physical intimacy is meant to be, as God's idea, the deeper realities that it points to in Christ, as well as just the joy that our Heavenly Father desires for couples to experience in this unique union.
SPEAKER_04: So we're gonna anchor first and beginning in Genesis, and we're gonna launch from there to reclaim a vision of holy sexuality and intimacy.
SPEAKER_04: Um we'll be in Genesis 1 and 2.
SPEAKER_04: Um, if you guys want to look in the U version app, there's that'll also give you access to uh the both the Bible verses but also the quotes, and there's also a diagram later.
SPEAKER_04: And I'll I said diagram the first couple weeks, and people are like, oh, wait a minute.
SPEAKER_04: Not that kind of diagram.
SPEAKER_04: It's explanatory, there's words.
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
SPEAKER_04: So just letting you know.
SPEAKER_04: All right, Genesis one, we'll start in verse 26.
SPEAKER_04: Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.
SPEAKER_04: So God created mankind in his own image.
SPEAKER_04: In the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.
SPEAKER_04: God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.
SPEAKER_04: Rule over the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, and over every living creature that moves on the ground.
SPEAKER_04: Then we're gonna skip forward a little bit into Genesis two, verse eighteen.
SPEAKER_04: The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.
SPEAKER_04: Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals, all the birds in the sky, he brought them to the man to see what he would name them.
SPEAKER_04: Whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.
SPEAKER_04: So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky, and all the wild animals, but for Adam no suitable helper was found.
SPEAKER_04: So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs, closed up the place with flesh, and then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
SPEAKER_04: The man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.
SPEAKER_04: She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.
SPEAKER_04: And that is why a man leaves his father and mother as united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
SPEAKER_04: Adam and his wife are both naked, and they felt no shame.
SPEAKER_04: Church, let's pray.
SPEAKER_04: Father, we want so badly to be rooted and grounded in your word that doesn't leave us floundering with what to do, um, even in areas like this that can feel uncomfortable or areas that we don't engage every day in conversation.
SPEAKER_04: I pray, Lord, that um just uh your word would uh just go deeper than um even our skin, um, getting into our soul, our minds, our hearts, um, and helping us to think rightly, to see you clearly in it, but also to see ourselves in light of you.
SPEAKER_04: And so we just give this time to you and pray this in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_04: Amen.
SPEAKER_04: So I originally was gonna start just in Genesis two and just hit the ground running with like God's original design for marriage, but I felt like we really needed to stop in Genesis 1 first.
SPEAKER_04: Organizationally, it's helpful to think of Genesis 1 as like God's cosmic creation of everything as a whole, and then Genesis 2 is like a zoom-in and a poetic celebration of like day six's creation of Adam and Eve and what takes place.
SPEAKER_04: In Genesis 1, after everything else is created, we have male and female made in the image of God.
SPEAKER_04: One scholar highlights and translates this as male and female made as God's image versus in God's image.
SPEAKER_04: And the point is that humanity as a whole are meant to image God.
SPEAKER_04: Theologians have debated as to what it means to be made in God's image for eons now.
SPEAKER_04: Is it an ability?
SPEAKER_04: Is it like an intelligent?
SPEAKER_04: Is it our conscious like awareness of ourselves, or is it simply who we are as created humanity?
SPEAKER_04: Michael Heiser, a scholar who's written a lot on this, he makes this helpful point.
SPEAKER_04: He says, We are created to image God, to be his imagers.
SPEAKER_04: It is what we are by definition.
SPEAKER_04: The image is not an ability we have, but a status we're given.
SPEAKER_04: We are God's representatives on earth.
SPEAKER_04: To be human is to image God.
SPEAKER_04: Now you might be wondering what this has to do with like marital intimacy or our talk today.
SPEAKER_04: And the truth is, this is the foundation for the honor that is meant to be displayed everywhere in the marriage relationship.
SPEAKER_04: Each individual is equal in importance, dignity, and value, given a voice that is meant to be heard.
SPEAKER_04: Some of you may be in marriages where this is just unfortunately not happening, and there are issues further upstream, sinful abuse or lust or adultery, or maybe just a lack of intentionality that needs to be addressed before you talk about like the physical intimacy how-tos.
SPEAKER_04: Now, I'll tell couples all the time that physical intimacy, and you'll hear this a lot, is the overflow of spiritual and emotional intimacy, and it should reflect those areas as priorities.
SPEAKER_04: In other words, you should not be a different person in the bedroom than you are in any other arena of your relationship.
SPEAKER_04: Mutual honor and value should be prioritized, and where that's absent, there will be a lack of the fullness of what God intended in this area.
SPEAKER_04: And I'm really, honestly, I don't want someone weaponizing what's proclaimed in this sermon to justify mistreatment or a lack of prioritizing other intimate areas, and then just expecting a willingness or an openness to physical intimacy in the relationship.
SPEAKER_04: Now, I'll unpack this further as we go along, but I need you to hear me that sexual intimacy in marriage is the overflow of a good marriage, which is why most couples who come into us for counseling have either abandoned this area or just not regularly engaged in sexual intimacy when these other issues haven't been addressed.
SPEAKER_04: It's also why it's the last subject we engage in counseling, because even problems in sexual intimacy are often the fruit of symptoms that are further upstream.
SPEAKER_04: And this all starts with honoring the image of God and one another and then seeking to image God's love to your spouse.
SPEAKER_04: Mutual honor as fellow image bearers is the foundation of true intimacy, and that's really our first point.
SPEAKER_04: This is the foundation of where we are going.
SPEAKER_04: And it's honestly it's the answer to many questions surrounding like what is permissible or what's on the table in the bedroom in terms of intimacy between spouses.
SPEAKER_04: The question should be when we're intimate, does this honor my spouse or does it cause dishonor or possible harm to the person I love most in this world?
SPEAKER_04: Am I validating the other person by listening and providing space for their voice?
SPEAKER_04: Am I imaging God's love well towards my husband or wife?
SPEAKER_04: I know that I'm speaking to a mixed audience in this sermon.
SPEAKER_04: There are those for whom this just this subject in general is tainted.
SPEAKER_04: It brings up past pain and maybe brings up abuse.
SPEAKER_04: Those who have wounded or betrayed you in this area.
SPEAKER_04: And I know these wounds, they run deep, and my prayer is that even in the midst of that, you might still find comfort in God's redemptive view of what sex was meant to be, even in the wake where someone took advantage of you and distorted this subject for you.
SPEAKER_04: If that is you, what happened to you was grievous, it was evil, and it grieves the Lord because it takes the beautiful way that God made our bodies to function and it twists it, it distorts it.
SPEAKER_04: At the same time, I also know that there are those who are in this space who are single either because a previous marriage ended for one reason or another, or you've just never been married.
SPEAKER_04: My prayer in this sermon is regardless of whether you are married or not, you be able to apply some of the relational principles to those you do life with and you're around.
SPEAKER_04: You are not a second-class citizen just because you may be single, and sadly, we have done a poor job of communicating the different gifting of singleness in the church.
SPEAKER_04: Just because you're single for however long does not mean that you live an unfulfilled life.
SPEAKER_04: And if because if that were true, then we would have to assume that individuals like Jesus or Paul or countless people throughout church history lived a less than full existence, which I think in the case of Jesus would actually sound blasphemous, would it not?
SPEAKER_04: Your call to image God's love relationally in others' lives is just as profound, just as weighty, albeit different than those that are expressed in marriage sexual intimacy.
SPEAKER_04: So I hope you don't tune out this message just because the focus is on marriage.
SPEAKER_04: For some of you, I hope this redeems the past, and others it may be helpful for the future.
SPEAKER_04: Now, having said that, let's go back to our Genesis 2 text that starts with the first, it is not good, describing the man as being alone.
SPEAKER_04: God makes a declaration that Adam needs a helper in our text here, the Hebrew word being Azer.
SPEAKER_04: And this is not in any way like a condescending term, like we sometimes think of like helpers and like, oh, he's mommy's little helper.
SPEAKER_04: That's not what's happening here.
SPEAKER_04: This is this is an observation by the Lord that Adam was called to a massive mission to spread God's rule and reign, to be fruitful and multiply.
SPEAKER_04: And this is not a task he can even do on his own.
SPEAKER_04: He's actually in a little bit of a hopeless estate.
SPEAKER_04: He cannot complete the task by himself.
SPEAKER_04: In many ways, Adam's in a tight spot.
SPEAKER_04: He's unable to carry out what God's asked of him.
SPEAKER_04: To further this idea, God's even described later by this word Azur as our help.
SPEAKER_04: So this is not a denigration, but it's an acknowledgement of Adam's need, and honestly, a way in which Eve is kind of rescuing him from this predicament that he's in.
SPEAKER_04: Now, I've always thought it was interesting what God does next is he parades all of creation before Adam and gets each animal, and the text says, no suitable helper was found for him amongst animal and bird creation in the midst of him naming them all.
SPEAKER_04: In addition, if you can imagine, he's also saying that each animal is paired off, you know, and so you have this like however long this process took, male, female, male, female, male, female, male, female.
SPEAKER_04: Like, it's like he's literally trying to like draw out this yearning in Adam that nothing else in all of creation will satisfy, like having an equal partner of his own, like he sees and witnesses in the animal kingdom.
SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's not as if God expected him to like find a suitable helper and like a dog or a cat.
SPEAKER_04: That might be like that may be man's best friend, but that's not the role.
SPEAKER_04: Regardless, it works.
SPEAKER_04: And he's he's trying to get Adam to see the preciousness of what's about to happen.
SPEAKER_04: So Adam's reaction is he's not just speechless, but he breaks into the first song we see in Scripture.
SPEAKER_04: I mean, the man gets poetic.
SPEAKER_04: Before we get there, though, we can't go too fast past this mysterious surgery that happens as Adam is put to sleep and he takes out what our text says is a rib, but the same words also used to describe a side in the book of Exodus, like where it talks about the two sides of the tabernacle or two sides of a hole.
SPEAKER_04: So it literally could be, you know, some scholars believe Adam has one of his sides taken out in order to form the woman who will later know as Eve.
SPEAKER_04: Now, the beauty of this surgery is seeing just this parallel reality as God takes the one and then he makes two, and then in marriage he says the two now to be need to become one flesh again.
SPEAKER_04: Like he's literally redeeming the picture there.
SPEAKER_04: So the surgery happens, and Adam is blown away, and you see him recognize that Eve was like this fulfillment of this longing that he's been feeling as going through this whole process.
SPEAKER_04: Like after I saw every other animal, this one is finally like me.
SPEAKER_04: In many ways, you could sum it up as like this worshipful, this thankful heart proclaiming, This one's mine.
SPEAKER_04: This one is made for me.
SPEAKER_04: The last verse of our text sums up this beautiful moment well, with they were both naked and they felt no shame.
SPEAKER_04: What an incredible picture.
SPEAKER_04: What a, I think a longing that I believe many of us are chill still trying to chase and desire.
SPEAKER_04: Yes, they were physically naked, but I would add there was no hiding, there was no deception, there were no unknowns between them.
SPEAKER_04: They just were themselves raw and honest.
SPEAKER_04: Doug Rosenau, a uh Christian counseling sexual therapy expert, which yes, is a thing, he sums it up well.
SPEAKER_04: He says, it is tremendously moving to think of God's original one-flesh companionship.
SPEAKER_04: Adam and Eve before the fall of Eden had the marvelous capacity of being totally naked, physically, emotionally, with no shame or fear.
SPEAKER_04: They reveled in a childlike trust and curiosity, laughing, exploring, giving, and receiving love.
SPEAKER_04: Sex was a glorious, innocent celebration lived out with instinctual honesty, respect, and zest for life.
SPEAKER_04: It was naked and unashamed, with no performance anxiety, inhibitions, pain, or selfish skill deficits.
SPEAKER_04: What a relationship of sex and life they were able to have as they truly knew each other inside and out.
SPEAKER_04: And pay attention to that word in quotations new, because that'll be important for us later.
SPEAKER_04: This leads to our second point, which is it might be obvious for some, but I think it bears highlighting.
SPEAKER_04: Sex is God's idea meant to embody the love God has for us.
SPEAKER_04: Now, the reason I make this point is because we've not always been clear in the church about this.
SPEAKER_04: Because of the focus on some of like the sinful distortions of this good gift from the Lord.
SPEAKER_04: It almost feels like we're engaging in something like dirty or inappropriate just by saying the word in here from the pulpit.
SPEAKER_04: I don't, I have don't think I've ever said the word sex in a sermon more times than I'm going to today.
SPEAKER_04: Y'all probably haven't heard that word said by a preacher as many times as it is today.
SPEAKER_04: Like we're all feeling a little bit, I'm getting a little bit hot up here.
SPEAKER_04: Y'all may be feeling a little bit of that in here as well.
SPEAKER_04: Like it's almost like, you know, sex like creeped in after the fall and God was shocked at what took place instead of this.
SPEAKER_04: No, this is God's design.
SPEAKER_04: This is what fruitful multiplication was meant to look like.
SPEAKER_04: This is what's delighted in intimacy.
SPEAKER_04: For a long time in the church, as a result of teachings by leaders like Augustine, who honestly I'm a big fan of, but I disagree with him on this topic, is it was often taught or proclaimed that sex was for reproduction and anything else may be verging on sin.
SPEAKER_04: Now the reasoning came out of his own story.
SPEAKER_04: He was redeemed and pulled out of some disordered sexual desires and sexual sin in his own life.
SPEAKER_04: And sort of the overcorrection, the over-protection from that was then uh really emphasizing that the idea for sex for like covenantal enjoyment or union, like it was almost like it was permissible, but and it was okay, but it wasn't necessarily like encouraged or celebrated.
SPEAKER_04: Now, if this were the case, if this was the idea that was just meant to make babies, then there's all kinds of awkwardness when you get to a book like Song of Solomon or Song of Songs, as it's also known.
SPEAKER_04: This book, which we're not going to get to study today, but I encourage you married couples to read it.
SPEAKER_04: I'm uh if you look at it, it's not just uh, hey, yeah, like pleasure and delight comes as a result of sex.
SPEAKER_04: It's like, no, it's it's celebrating, it's rejoicing over it.
SPEAKER_04: There's songs written about the beauty of the delight that comes as a husband and a wife come together in an embodied way.
SPEAKER_04: Yes, sex is where the joy of new life is conceived, but it's not some like arbitrary duty or obligation, like, oh if I we gotta do that to have babies, then I guess we gotta do that.
SPEAKER_04: Like, no, and if you think it's just Song of Solomon, listen to Proverbs 5.
SPEAKER_04: We think of Proverbs like a truth sayings.
SPEAKER_04: We don't necessarily think of statements like this.
SPEAKER_04: Proverbs 5 says, May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
SPEAKER_04: A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
SPEAKER_04: Now, this kind of language is missing from weddings.
SPEAKER_04: And honestly, I've officiated a lot of weddings.
SPEAKER_04: I've never said this.
SPEAKER_04: I I maybe I'm missing something.
SPEAKER_04: Maybe I need to be like, next wedding, I think I'm this may be a part of the prayer.
SPEAKER_04: Like, go be fruitful, enjoy this good gift.
SPEAKER_04: Like, now this is this is sanctified, this is beautiful.
SPEAKER_04: No, we literally shy away from delighting in this good gift from God.
SPEAKER_04: And as Christians, we become like the least likely people to talk about sex when we're in relationship with the author of it.
SPEAKER_04: Sadly, the result is many of as have gone to the world to try and solve what this needs to look like in marriages and relationships.
SPEAKER_04: And some couples even go into things like pornography to kind of spice up their love life.
SPEAKER_04: And I and I beg you, if you're doing that, to stop.
SPEAKER_04: If you haven't already experienced devastation from that, you will.
SPEAKER_04: Like it's it's just gonna tear things apart.
SPEAKER_04: In addition, when couples are struggling in this area, there's often shame attached.
SPEAKER_04: There's no idea of like who we can talk to.
SPEAKER_04: What's a safe place to discuss this?
SPEAKER_04: So if this is God's idea, what is his vision of true intimacy?
SPEAKER_04: I think the most appropriate place to start is the first verse in the Bible that mentions the act, which is Genesis 4.
SPEAKER_04: Genesis 4, verse 1 says, Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.
SPEAKER_04: Now I told you guys to remember that that word knew because many modern translations they lose this language.
SPEAKER_04: And we just read from the ESV.
SPEAKER_04: So if you have the NIV, you may be like, What is happening here?
SPEAKER_04: Um NIV and others say, like, made love, had relations.
SPEAKER_04: The CSB says they were intimate, which is a little bit closer, but it literally is this idea of knowing.
SPEAKER_04: The Hebrew word here is yada, and truly it sets the stage for what it means for a husband and a wife to come together.
SPEAKER_04: Although not every text uses this word for sex, in many ways, this is the best way to think about.
SPEAKER_04: What intimacy is, the knowing and the being known that finds its expression physically in marriage, but is the result of a relationship that's built on truly longing to know one another in every area.
SPEAKER_04: The most helpful way to think about intimacy is to think of it in terms of into me you see.
SPEAKER_04: The two becoming one flesh is so much more than just like a physical transaction.
SPEAKER_04: I often describe them as overflowing buckets, which we're gonna have a diagram.
SPEAKER_04: I know there's a lot of words on this diagram pop up.
SPEAKER_04: I just want you to get the overall imagery, and you can look at the picture later.
SPEAKER_04: I posted on social media so you can read that small print.
SPEAKER_04: But going from left to right, it is God's always and forever love that fills us up, which highlights the importance of God fueling your efforts to love your spouse well, because the job is beyond your ability as a human to fulfill.
SPEAKER_04: We are perfectly loved and satisfied by God so that then we can walk into all other relationships, especially our marriages, without necessarily needing anything because Jesus is enough for you.
SPEAKER_04: So that there's no manipulation where I'm loving other people, especially my spouse, just to get something back for myself.
SPEAKER_04: Because God loves me perfectly, even in my mess, I can imperfectly pursue my spouse, seek to pour out and into them in loving service that's meant to be mutual.
SPEAKER_04: Where only one person is the one making all of the deposits or the pour-ins, the relationship can start to feel one-sided and gradually burn out the one who's doing all the work.
SPEAKER_04: It almost feels like abandonment in a way.
SPEAKER_04: The hope is that as this picture shows, we, fueled by our intimacy with the Lord, would then step into opening up ourselves to one another spiritually, emotionally, and then literally opening up physically like these overflowing buckets.
SPEAKER_04: With no spiritual or emotional foundation, it's hard to imagine opening up to someone physically.
SPEAKER_04: The integrity of this idea, and I've said this earlier, is you are the same in every area of your life as you pursue knowing and being known by one another.
SPEAKER_04: You're the same person in the bedroom that you are on an ordinary Tuesday loving your spouse as Jesus loves you.
SPEAKER_04: Like, I want to know how Kara, which is my wife, so this illustration makes sense.
SPEAKER_04: Um, I want to know how she's doing spiritually.
SPEAKER_04: I want to know what she's excited about, what she's worried for, praying about, what does she feel God pressing on her heart?
SPEAKER_04: So I know how to particularly like love her spiritually.
SPEAKER_04: In the same way, I want to know how she's doing emotionally, what's she stressing over?
SPEAKER_04: What are some areas that feel heavy right now?
SPEAKER_04: Where does she feel stuck?
SPEAKER_04: What are the highs and the lows of her days so I can then come alongside her and either rejoice with her or lament alongside her?
SPEAKER_04: And on the reverse, I have to be willing to let her in on my days, my struggles, my wins, my losses, my anxieties, my prayers, the lies that I'm tempted to believe, so that then she can love me specifically the way that only someone knows me well can.
SPEAKER_04: In this way, physical intimacy is the result or it's the fruit of being connected in all areas of our relationship.
SPEAKER_04: That is the beauty of marriage.
SPEAKER_04: It's the specificity through which our spouses are best positioned to love us the most like God because they're the closest and they're meant to know us more than any other human on the planet.
SPEAKER_04: Now, this doesn't mean that we become mind readers and we don't need to talk anymore because we know each other so well.
SPEAKER_04: No, communication has to be intentional and continual.
SPEAKER_04: We're constantly changing.
SPEAKER_04: Nobody falls into a good marriage accidentally, and I say that again.
SPEAKER_04: Nobody falls into a good marriage accidentally.
SPEAKER_04: I say that constantly when I'm meeting with couples because I think that sometimes you come into environments, you see what you think are happy couples everywhere, and I always tell them there's two things happening.
SPEAKER_04: One, that's a total facade, and they are putting on a good show for everybody.
SPEAKER_04: Or two, you're seeing the fruit of a lot of work on the background, a lot of unselfish pursuit and Christ-like love, and it's showing up in the church lobby.
SPEAKER_04: The overflow of our or our pursuit in these other areas will show up in the bedroom.
SPEAKER_04: Paul Tripp says it like this of the one-flesh relationship of marriage.
SPEAKER_04: He says, mutual serving love is only possible because there is a deep abiding relational unity the couple has.
SPEAKER_04: You see, here's how it works in marriage.
SPEAKER_04: You always drag the character and quality of your marriage relationship into the marriage bed.
SPEAKER_04: If you've been harsh and judgmental with me, if you've been selfish and demanding with me, why would I not expect you to be that same person in the intimacy of our sexuality?
SPEAKER_04: Why would I relax?
SPEAKER_04: Why would I rest?
SPEAKER_04: The wholeness of marital sexuality is only possible because of the wholeness of the spiritual relational intimacy of those couples.
SPEAKER_04: And this really is our third point, which is that true physical intimacy is the fruit of spiritual and emotional intimacy.
SPEAKER_04: We see this beautifully displayed in God's word as husbands are commanded to live with their wives in an understanding way as the weaker vessel, or else our prayers will be hindered.
SPEAKER_04: Now, there's a huge difference, man, between seeking to understand someone and seeking to make yourself understood.
SPEAKER_04: God wants us as Ephesians 5, he tells us as husbands to love our wives as Christ loves the church, sacrificial, nail-pierce, servant-hearted leadership that loves them as we love our own bodies.
SPEAKER_04: And even the weaker vessel passage I just mentioned, that maybe some of y'all are a little bit still stuck on that language.
SPEAKER_04: 1 Peter 3 is highlighting not physical strength or weakness, but rather the preciousness of our wives.
SPEAKER_04: Because that term weaker vessel is referring to things like fine China versus like the everyday where you guys use for like lunch and breakfast.
SPEAKER_04: There's meant to be a gentleness and a care when dealing with our hearts and with our bodies.
SPEAKER_04: In the same way, wives are asked to come under that leadership, provided it's done in a God-honoring, Christ-glorifying way that seeks for the flourishing of everyone underneath them.
SPEAKER_04: Jesus was able to go, he's a great example of this.
SPEAKER_04: He was able to go hard against the Pharisees, but yet he was gentle and safe enough for women and children to be drawn to him, to want to be around him.
SPEAKER_04: That kind of leadership is the desire, it can be the delight of a wife to feel honored and cherished and protected in that way, and come on to the leader that is for her in every way.
SPEAKER_04: And also, this is where respect becomes huge.
SPEAKER_04: And you women who are more gifted in your words and communication, you can literally tear your husbands down to hell with your words or encourage them up to heaven.
SPEAKER_04: Likewise, husbands, we gotta get better at speaking encouragement and affirmation over our wives.
SPEAKER_04: The only way this truly happens to be able to even step into these areas is if you truly know each other.
SPEAKER_04: If you step in to know and be known, which can be risky because we don't always hold each other's hearts well.
SPEAKER_04: So we have to then pursue forgiveness as well.
SPEAKER_04: If we can be intentional in this holistic pursuit of intimacy, we have a chance for our physical intimacy to become a celebration of all the ways we feel loved and seek to love our spouses.
SPEAKER_04: And I've said this before, but I truly believe the best uh compliment you can give your spouse, or really anybody, is to be able to say, I feel God's love through you.
SPEAKER_04: The way you love me reminds me of Jesus.
SPEAKER_04: There's no better compliment than you could hear.
SPEAKER_04: Now, having said all that, before we end today, I did want to include just a few physical intimacy specific applications and ways to grow this area.
SPEAKER_04: And so it's gonna come kind of rapid fire for time's sake.
SPEAKER_04: The first thing is prioritizing physical touch.
SPEAKER_04: I'd say prioritizing non-sexual, unselfish physical touch.
SPEAKER_04: If the only time you are touching one another in your life is when it's go time for sex, you're missing an entire box of physical affection.
SPEAKER_04: Unselfish touch, impromptu lingering hugs, rubbing tired, sore shoulders or feet or scratching heads, random longer kisses go a long way to just saying and emphasizing, hey, we're not just roommates.
SPEAKER_04: I like being near you.
SPEAKER_04: I desire you, and I don't just touch you when there's something in it for me on the other side.
SPEAKER_04: I'm here to serve you and love you regardless.
SPEAKER_04: The second thing is talk about it.
SPEAKER_04: Talk about and plan for intimacy.
SPEAKER_04: Life is busy.
SPEAKER_04: Time gets away from us so easily, but this area matters.
SPEAKER_04: And when nobody mentions like the elephant in the room, especially if there's been like kind of a drought or a little bit of time where you guys haven't connected in a while, it just highlights the distance when you're aren't talking about it.
SPEAKER_04: A simple comment that says, Hey, babe, I miss you.
SPEAKER_04: I know we haven't connected in a while, but I still desire you and I long to be with you in all ways, builds a bridge, speaks over the lies that are attempted to take root.
SPEAKER_04: That kind of statement, along with follow-through, find a time that you guys can protect or look forward to, goes a long way to filling the gap that is felt.
SPEAKER_04: Now, having said that, the next one is also expect differences and desire levels for each of you.
SPEAKER_04: I have not met the couple that has the exact desire, same desire of how frequent sex should happen.
SPEAKER_04: Have not met that couple yet.
SPEAKER_04: And most people think, hey, stereotype way, guys want it more, girls want it less.
SPEAKER_04: Not necessarily.
SPEAKER_04: Paul's, I think it's just fascinating that Paul's a single guy tells married couples not to abstain for very long in 1 Corinthians, lest Satan tempt you.
SPEAKER_04: Which I think you married couples can maybe resonate with.
SPEAKER_04: You guys haven't connected well in a while, you get a little snippy, you get a little short with each other.
SPEAKER_04: There's also an emphasis on your body belonging to one another.
SPEAKER_04: That is to say that sexual intimacy matters and it should be regular in a healthy marriage.
SPEAKER_04: But where there are struggles, or maybe there's a lack of any desire whatsoever, be willing to seek help versus just letting that be the status of that area of your relationship going forward.
SPEAKER_04: Each season is going to look different, but you don't have to kiss this area of your relationship goodbye just because struggles arise or aging factors happen.
SPEAKER_04: You just might need help from outside of the two of you.
SPEAKER_04: The fourth thing is seek to honor and serve one another.
SPEAKER_04: I mentioned this earlier, but honor should help dictate what is okay and not okay in the bedroom.
SPEAKER_04: If your spouse feels dishonored or could be hurt or even damaged bodily by something that you do or you want to do, then continue to press the issue is not loving.
SPEAKER_04: The tension I would say in that is that if you come come into the bedroom like all other areas, seeking to love and serve, if it's a preference thing, like ah, it's not really a thing I like that much versus uh this dishonors or damage me type thing, then maybe it's worth considering if I could love my spouse in this way.
SPEAKER_04: So that may be something you guys can explore together.
SPEAKER_04: And finally, and this is really important, don't ignore pain.
SPEAKER_04: If there is physical or emotional pain happening in intimacy, then it's time to invite trusted, gospel-centered voices into that space.
SPEAKER_04: If you're struggling where to turn, I'd be happy to help you.
SPEAKER_04: There are Christian counselors even in this area that can help, and and even doctors that can help solve maybe physical issues that are at play.
SPEAKER_04: Even medications and things that can uh that can affect just the way our body works and is meant to respond, can turn some of those things off and on and adjust those.
SPEAKER_04: In addition, there may be trauma or there may be other emotional pieces that need to be brought into the open for healing to happen and for intimacy to truly flourish.
SPEAKER_04: Now, instimation, I I know we barely skim the surface of some of these areas or talk for so much longer on the detail level.
SPEAKER_04: You may have questions or clarifications, and maybe there's struggles and you don't know like where you can turn.
SPEAKER_04: I I hope you know that Spring Lake is a place where you can, without shame, ask those questions.
SPEAKER_04: Some of you are struggling here and you don't know where to turn.
SPEAKER_04: We want to help you and I invite you to step into some of our care mentoring spaces and we can continue to have those conversations.
SPEAKER_04: Even if the help may be outside of the church.
SPEAKER_04: For those who recognize your marriage issues being upstream from just sexual intimacy, I want to invite you into a marriage group called Art of Marriage.
SPEAKER_04: It's it's starting uh in this next month, coming September.
SPEAKER_04: You can register for it on the events page, but just to get a feel for what it's actually about, we're gonna watch a trailer for it right now.
SPEAKER_03: I expected to have a husband who would cook and clean and lead us spiritually and always be patient and be kind and be done.
SPEAKER_00: I just have this idea that we'd be best friends, we have lots of things.
SPEAKER_04: Well, like I mentioned, the registration is live for that starting in September, and it's not something that you just have to you can go to if you're experiencing some sort of troubles or crisis.
SPEAKER_04: It's marriage enrichment material.
SPEAKER_04: And so maybe you've never stepped into that or maybe it's been a while.
SPEAKER_04: So I would encourage you to sign up for it.
SPEAKER_04: It's filling up fast, so it may fill up in the midst um pretty soon here.
SPEAKER_04: Um, and even if it does fill up, I I would still encourage you to reach out to us.
SPEAKER_04: We'd love to be a part of having these conversations earlier on rather than just waiting until the house is burned to the ground, and then now we're trying to wade through bitterness and resentment when we could have had some of these conversations earlier on.
SPEAKER_04: So I just encourage you to step in and start prioritizing this.
SPEAKER_04: I wanted to end our service a little differently today.
SPEAKER_04: So um, rather than closing with another worship song, we're gonna end with an extended time of communion.
SPEAKER_04: And so sometimes we can hear about like spiritual and emotional intimacy, and we can kind of be like, hey, what does this actually look like?
SPEAKER_04: And so um one of the things that uh I think the simplest and most meaningful ways you can start to emphasize this is really just through prayer.
SPEAKER_04: I mean, I think that's that's a great first step.
SPEAKER_04: So you can go ahead, you can get your communion elements ready.
SPEAKER_04: We're not gonna take it right away.
SPEAKER_04: Before we take them together, I want to just invite you, especially first the married couples in the room, um, to take this time to pray for one another.
SPEAKER_04: Um and at first it may need there may need to be some layer of confessing where we have uh messed up, like where we haven't met the mark.
SPEAKER_04: And I would I would say that's all of us.
SPEAKER_04: That's that time of confession, and luckily through the gos, not luckily, but thankfully through the gospel, we have the hope that our sins can be forgiven and we can forgive one another.
SPEAKER_04: But then pray over your marriage, and it may be just as simply as Lord, help me love my spouse well, give us grace, give us patience, honesty, tenderness, and forgiveness.
SPEAKER_04: Draw us closer to you and closer to one another.
SPEAKER_04: And also, I would say, um, if if you're in this space and it wouldn't be wise or safe for you uh to pray together, uh, you're also completely free to pray um by yourself as well.
SPEAKER_04: But I want to recognize that not everybody in here is either married or with their spouses, even if you are married.
SPEAKER_04: And so, even if you aren't, this time is for you too.
SPEAKER_04: Slow down, let this be a sweet, unhurried moment with the Lord.
SPEAKER_04: Ask him to search your heart, to receive his love, maybe confess what you're holding on to, bring to him whatever you're carrying, and lay that at the foot of the cross.
SPEAKER_04: We're so accustomed to constant noise and content, and so just for the next few minutes, let's just be still before the Lord.
SPEAKER_04: Take some time for prayer, and then I'll come back up and lead us to communion together.
SPEAKER_04: There is a looking back and a looking forward.
SPEAKER_04: The first meal eaten by husband and wife, we see a devastating consequences with Adam and Eve eating the fruit and choosing their rule over God's.
SPEAKER_04: And yet, as we look towards the other side, the other book into the Bible, we see the wedding supper of the Lamb, as Jesus, as the true bridegroom, the faithful one, comes for us his bride.
SPEAKER_04: And there's a celebration in the midst of the restoration of all things, all the broken things, all the areas, all the evil, all those things, wiping the tears from our from our eyes.
SPEAKER_04: There's a sweetness to that space.
SPEAKER_04: And then in the middle we sit here in the already but not yet of what Jesus has accomplished.
SPEAKER_04: And so when we take this, we recognize our great, our great bridegroom in Jesus.
SPEAKER_04: Just as we were talking about this unselfish sacrificial love, he literally sacrificed his body that we might be restored to right fellowship with God the Father.
SPEAKER_04: And so when we take this, we'll remember we thank you, Jesus, for sacrificing your body on our behalf.
SPEAKER_04: Likewise in Ephesians 5, Paul talks about husbands washing their wives with the water of the word.
SPEAKER_04: Jesus is the picture of that washing us clean through the shedding of his own blood, that there might be forgiveness for our flourishing to step into all the ways we were meant to be in right relationship, fully and holy in him.
SPEAKER_04: And so when we drink this, we thank Jesus for washing us clean, giving us a new start.
SPEAKER_04: Now we can live from approval and not trying to earn it, which we could never do.
SPEAKER_04: We thank you, Lord.
SPEAKER_04: Father, we thank you.
SPEAKER_04: We thank you for your love of us.
SPEAKER_04: We thank you that you pursued us, even in our mess and all the areas.
SPEAKER_04: And I know that there are many of us that maybe even a sermon like this is bringing up hurt and areas where trust is needing to be rebuilt and forgiveness is needing to be offered and repentance may needs to follow.
SPEAKER_04: I pray, Lord, in your wisdom, you'd make that so very clear, everyone's next step.
SPEAKER_04: Whether in relationships or or single, what does it look like to step into loving others like you love us in a way that rests in your grace and your care of us, and then out of the overflow of that to love others, beautifully representing your grace and mercy of us.
SPEAKER_04: We thank you, Lord.
SPEAKER_04: We need your help.
SPEAKER_04: We pray all this in Jesus' name.
unknown: Amen.