The Self-Trust Gap: Why High-Achieving Women Still Feel Stuck with Katie Pulsifer [Ep 242]

Today I’m joined by Katie Pulsifer, a coach for high-achieving women who have built incredible lives, but still feel guilt, exhaustion, and a quiet pull for more. 

In this episode, we dive into the hidden struggle so many ambitious women face: outsourcing their self-trust. From understanding how your brain keeps you “safe” to learning how to make aligned decisions in your business, this conversation will challenge the way you think about growth.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why high-achieving women often feel guilt and burnout
• How your brain is wired to keep you stuck (and how to override it)
• The difference between hiring from a skill gap vs. an insufficiency gap
• How to rebuild self-trust and make aligned business decisions
• Why nervous system safety matters just as much as strategy

Guest Spotlight: Katie Pulsifer

Katie Pulsifer is a coach for high-achieving women who feel guilty for wanting more - even when their life looks successful on paper. She helps her clients reconnect with their intuition, build self-trust, and create aligned visions for their life and business.

Katie's Website: https://www.katiepulsifercoaching.com

Katie's Free Resource: The Self-Trust Reset

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Transcript

Katie Pulsifer [00:00:00]:
Some wise part of you knew that, that that was the right answer for you. And so how can we tap into that more, trust that more and then hire because there's a skill gap, not like an insufficiency gap or something's wrong with me gap. Higher because you literally don't know how to do a particular thing in your business, but higher from trusting that you are so wise.

Kylie Kelly [00:00:28]:
Are you a female business owner frustrated with Batt algorithm and looking for growth strategies that don't involve awkwardly pointing or dancing online or throwing cash at paid ads? Welcome to the Email Growth Show. I'm your host, Kylie Kelly, visibility and email marketing strategist. I grew my email list from zero to almost 10,000 subscribers in less than two years. And the same is possible for you too. Are you ready to build your email list and start making more money in your online business? Let's head into today's episode. Katie, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you on today.

Katie Pulsifer [00:01:04]:
I am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Kylie Kelly [00:01:06]:
I feel like this has been a conversation a long time coming. We had to move dates a couple times and because of that, the conversation we're about to have is going to be even more applicable to everybody listening in the world we're living in and some really cool skill sets that we're going to get into. But before we dive into that, Katie, do you want to just share with our listeners for those that don't know you a little bit about yourself and what you do?

Katie Pulsifer [00:01:28]:
Of course, yes. I'm Katie Pulsifer and I am a coach for high achieving women who have amazing looking lives but feel super guilty for wanting more and knowing there's more for them. So we work through that creating big visions or rest plans or slight modifications. All is welcome. I also have a coaching certification, so a lot of people I work with love to then learn how to really use these skills and some even want to coach others. So that is what I am doing these days.

Kylie Kelly [00:02:02]:
I love that. Now I know for a fact that there are many high achieving women that listen to this podcast. I definitely identify as one as well. Like, what do you see that's most common with high achieving women when they first come to work with you? What's their biggest symptom of being a high achiever, do you think?

Katie Pulsifer [00:02:17]:
I mean, they're so capable, right? Just like you, like can do many, many, many, many things. Probably the two most common things that I see is a level of exhaustion from constantly going all the time and also Interestingly, guilt. Guilt for being tired, guilt for maybe wanting to take a break, maybe get off the hamster wheel a little bit. But, you know, I've built this incredible life. All of these people depend on me. I can't pause now or I can't say, say no. So guilt. And you know, for some, unfortunately, that even manifests as deeper shame of wanting to refine that great life or wanting to take a bit of a time out and say, I loved the idea of this, but now that I'm here, I'm not sure it's this that I want to sustain.

Katie Pulsifer [00:03:09]:
So we talk about that a lot in the beginning.

Kylie Kelly [00:03:12]:
Oh, my goodness. And guilt is so layered, isn't it? It's so interesting. I decided in January I wasn't feeling the. Like, we're recording this now, it's the 10 Feb, and I wasn't feeling in January that I. That I was ready to plan the new year. I don't know. I didn't start the new year with an excitement or an urge to plan. So unlike me, I'm a planner from way back.

Kylie Kelly [00:03:32]:
I'd have everything color coded and all the highlighters and all the things. I was like, okay, let's just take January to land into the new year. That sounds great. What I didn't think about was then how guilty I would feel for not starting the year like I normally do. And I was like, oh, this is interesting. Like, I thought that I'd let go of that. Right. So I think guilt can be really sneaky as well.

Kylie Kelly [00:03:51]:
It can, like, sneak up on us when we're not expecting it to.

Katie Pulsifer [00:03:54]:
Would you agree? Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And I think, you know, to even name that, it's so connecting to those of us who have some version of that, you know, like. Well, because I didn't start last week, then that means that I can't possibly start now or everyone's doing it this way. My intuition tells me I should do it that way. Oh. But I kind of feel like I'm getting left behind or I feel guilty that I can't do it all. We interpret incorrectly a lot of the time. Our brain, if we don't watch it carefully, it will make us feel quite guilty.

Katie Pulsifer [00:04:31]:
And it's important for us to name that and talk about it. So I'm sure many of your listeners can relate to that one.

Kylie Kelly [00:04:38]:
I love that you just said then about listening to your intuition. And for anyone listening, we have an incredible resource that I want to let you know up front that we've got in the show Notes. Can you just explain a little bit about that?

Katie Pulsifer [00:04:48]:
Well, I think, you know, there's so many times where we have an idea and then we go to do the thing and then all of a sudd brain has an opinion and what I would call then starts negotiating and talking us out of the thing that we most want to do. It's going to be scary. No one's going to like it. Everyone's tried it before. Who am I to want this thing? Who's going to pay attention to me? So the negotiation happens. So what I hope this resource helps with is meeting you in that moment so you can hold the intuition or the idea that you had enough to take a first step and then the source meets you on the other side of that first step. So you kindly celebrate I took a step instead of, oh no, what are they gonna say? I can't believe I just did that. Oh, can I delete the post or can I, you know, pull back that newsletter? So it's a way of like getting yourself into action and then supporting yourself compassionately on the other side.

Kylie Kelly [00:05:51]:
Oh my goodness, I love that. So we'll put the link in the show notes. So make sure you go and grab that self trust reset, because how often does that happen? Our brain tells us all sorts of stories like, it's wild. It's wild.

Katie Pulsifer [00:06:02]:
It is. And when you understand your brain's primary job, which is to keep us safe and alive and as comfortable as possible and expend as little energy as possible, it's like, oh, of course my brain doesn't want to do this thing. Of course it doesn't want to announce this new program. Of course it doesn't want to go to that networking event or pitch that idea. Of course it's never done it before. It feels scary and unknown. What if I get laughed at? What if I get a no? All of that the brain anticipates will be dangerous, which is really terrible when you want to build a business. So we have to know what's happening and then meet that moment and be like, okay, brain, yep, self doubts here.

Katie Pulsifer [00:06:49]:
I know why and I'm going to do it anyway and then be with myself on the other side and I'll make sure I'm okay on the other side of this thing I'm going to do.

Kylie Kelly [00:06:58]:
Do you have a process that you help clients through or that you teach them on how to like self coach themselves through those moments? What do you think is the process somebody could follow if they're facing that?

Katie Pulsifer [00:07:09]:
Yeah, a lot of what I have shared, but I think most simply put, it's the recognition that the brain is making up story all the time. You know, the brain has a million thoughts. That's an exaggeration. Thousands and thousands of thoughts. But with the bias of we gotta keep things the same, we gotta keep things safe, we can't get you into trouble, we gotta like protect what's known. So when you know that the brain is offering that judgment and opinion of the world, I love helping people see themselves as separate from their brain. The brain creating these thoughts. And then we get to be the watchers of our thoughts because we have metacognition.

Katie Pulsifer [00:07:52]:
We can see the thoughts for what they are and then decide if we will listen or ignore or take under advisement. Right. Like we don't have to obey our brains. And that I think is the most transformational keys to the kingdom. Life changing thing to teach clients is wow, your brain will make a hard case for what it wants. And you still get to decide what you want.

Kylie Kelly [00:08:21]:
That's so powerful, isn't it? Even just the separation from us to that. And I think, you know, logically it makes so much sense because we know we have a thought that makes us feel a certain way way and then we take action on how we feel. So hence why when we're building businesses, if we're listening to that story that our brain is telling us, the feelings follow and then the action or the lack of action comes too. So I love that idea of like separating ourselves out and I guess being really clear on what we do actually want to build, what goals we have, what vision we have. Okay, so then what thoughts do I need to have? Or how do I need to direct my brain so that I can take action to lead there.

Katie Pulsifer [00:08:58]:
Yeah, you're saying it beautifully. And then I think another layer of that is also, it's like, okay, what information is my nervous system sending me so I can work on my brain all day long? But if my nervous system in my body and my feeling self has low capacity today, today just might not be the day to make that offer. So it's doing that beautiful balance of this whole human that we are operating. And I mean, I'll tell you, there have been times where my nervous system could get one price out as someone asked me how much it was to work with me and I could never repeat that price again. I had it that day and then my price dropped the next day because my nervous system couldn't be in that energy and hold it for a long time. And how do we be okay with that. It's like this is what my body has today. So integrating those two things and always checking in.

Katie Pulsifer [00:09:59]:
Yeah, I can work on my thoughts here, but what am I comfortable putting into the world? I'm okay with a little self doubt and a little bit of fear, but I don't want to be terrified. That makes no sense.

Kylie Kelly [00:10:10]:
It's that sense of safety. Right. Like, I think that for many of our listeners, they can probably relate, but I know that personally since like the 2020 that was. And I know we all have our 2020 stories, but I feel like even since then, my nervous system definitely goes more into fight or flight so much easier. And I spent an extended amount in fight or flight with the experiences that came with the pandemic. And I think that as women building businesses, yeah, we have to feel safe in what we're doing. They can be stretchy, we can still go after things, but there needs to be that level of safety. And it's interesting.

Kylie Kelly [00:10:42]:
I went to a silent retreat last year. Absolutely loved it. Went to a silent retreat for three days. And again, I'm, I'm a talker. I've never been silent in my life for that amount of time. It was really challenging. Yeah. But at the very start of the three day experience, the coach that was leading it made us almost embed this athletic affirmation of like, you know, I am safe, I am loved, I am held.

Kylie Kelly [00:11:04]:
And she said, whenever it feels stretchy over the next three days, I want you to just repeat in your mind, I am safe, I am loved, I'm held. And I found that that's then, I mean, goosebumps. But that's then stayed with me since the retreat when I am feeling a little bit shaky or it's just like, ah, let's come back to me, my body, I'm safe, I'm loved, I'm held. Which was really helpful. And I think if we can feel safe, what flows out of that is beautiful.

Katie Pulsifer [00:11:26]:
Oh, totally. I love that that has stayed with you beyond the retreat. Too many things we do, I think, you know, we have a incredible moment. But to integrate it into your business that way is such a beautiful example. Because safety isn't out there. Once the perfect email has been sent, the safety is always in here. And so how do we want to care for ourselves so that we can put the work in the world and assess how it does and how it's received and meet that moment and so building that trust with ourselves, like, okay, I got me. I'm tuning in.

Katie Pulsifer [00:12:04]:
I'm watching what I'm thinking. I'm also taking lots of information to know what my body is able to do in this moment, how my energy is what I need most. I thought I wanted to write an email. Turns out I actually need to go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine. Then I'll make a decision about that email. Right. Like, that's what it means to CEO, I think, is to. To like really be tuning into all of us as the practitioner of whatever we do.

Katie Pulsifer [00:12:32]:
But it's like, you know, how are you really, like, what do you need today? What do you need in this moment? I love that.

Kylie Kelly [00:12:38]:
And I think sometimes we think it's always strategy, right? We think, well, if I just did the launch this way, if I just built this offer this way, if I just push myself to do this one more thing. But I love what you're saying there. Well, actually no, maybe go outside and that'll get you closer to the goal than anything else because that's what you need right now. So I love that. I think there's a real need for that. And we were talking a little bit before we hit record about outsourcing our self trust, how we go and hire. And I mean, I love people working with me. You love people working with you.

Kylie Kelly [00:13:05]:
Like we want to be hired, but like how as women building businesses now, we hire really easily and we trust the coach's opinion more than we even trust ourselves.

Katie Pulsifer [00:13:15]:
Yeah. I love the belief that we are all whole, wise and worthy and especially the wise part. And I think it's particularly resonant with me because my big thing that I am constantly up against is this belief that I'm not smart and very average student got by. Never the smartest person in the room. You know, could read a book and maybe not remember the title of the book or the author of the book or even my favorite part of the book, but I knew how the book made me feel, feel, or listening to a podcast. Like, I know how I felt, where I was energetically, what happened in my body. But because I maybe couldn't articulate a cohesive summary, I made that mean I'm just not that smart. And so I'm working on the belief that I'm whole, wise and worthy.

Katie Pulsifer [00:14:08]:
How can I help you? Client believe you are whole, wise and worthy and that you do have answers within you. They may not look like everyone else's. You may not start your new year until February. That is probably really wise. Like some wise part of you knew that, that that was the Right answer for you. And so whatever that means, like, how can we tap into that more, trust that more and then higher because there's a skill gap, but not like an insufficiency gap or a lacking gap or something's wrong with me gap. Higher because you literally don't know how to do a particular thing in your business, but higher from trusting that you are so wise.

Kylie Kelly [00:14:51]:
Oh, I love that, Katie. I love that so much. If we could all follow that advice when we're hiring, we'd all have better experiences, right? Like, I know I've been in things where it was really, if I reflect back, I still had a great experience, but when I reflect back, I hired the coach because I didn't think, like, I was enough. I thought they had the answers. I thought that this was the secret that I was missing. Like, you know, all of those things that we. We fall for. Right? And actually, if we can come from the place of, oh, no, I'm whole wise and worthy.

Kylie Kelly [00:15:20]:
I love that. But I don't know how to build this thing or I don't know how to host this thing, or like you said, a skill that's going to be such a better experience for the coach as well as for us as the client.

Katie Pulsifer [00:15:30]:
Right. I mean, the dollars spent, the time spent, the angst chasing, and I think, you know, it comes from experience. Every. I don't even want to call them bad investment, but every investment led me to the moment I'm in now where I'm more thoughtful with my decisions about what I want to invest in. And I have a way of really questioning and sitting on a decision and sitting on an idea for long enough that I can check, okay, is this me thinking something's wrong with me? Is this me trying to keep up with everyone else? Is this me outsourcing my knowledge and expertise? Or is this I literally can't go to the next level because I actually don't know how to do this. And what's interesting, I'm in a really cool mastermind right now. And watching myself in this mastermind versus other experiences I've been in, in this one, I will literally raise my hand and say, I am so proud of myself. I have done all the things you asked me to do and I do not know what to do next.

Katie Pulsifer [00:16:34]:
Tell me everything. And I'm so open and I'm able to receive it and implement versus in the past, so much hiding and so much shame because I thought the experience would take care of that. I thought I hired to fix the shame and the guilt and the insecurity. And it was like, oh, no, okay, I bought this thing to fix the wrong thing. That's my job. My guilt, my shame. That's my job. I own that.

Katie Pulsifer [00:17:01]:
When I clean that up, then I can participate in an experience and get what I paid for.

Kylie Kelly [00:17:06]:
It's always such an inside job, isn't it? It's always so much more. Being self employed. It's been the biggest self discovery, self improvement journey. Like it's not just about email marketing or.

Katie Pulsifer [00:17:18]:
Oh my gosh. Oh, and I have. Can I tell you my little secret? Every Thursday I want to quit. Every Thursday, like clockwork. Every Thursday. Like Monday I'm on it. Tuesday I'm good. Wednesday I'm like, oh God, we've gotten so much done this week.

Katie Pulsifer [00:17:33]:
Thursday I wake up, why am I here? What am I doing? No one wants what I have. I like want, want to quit. And then Friday I come back and I kick ass every week.

Kylie Kelly [00:17:44]:
So what do you do on a Thursday? Do you make Thursday like an out of office day where you go and just treat yourself like, now that you know that that's coming every Thursday, how do you handle Thursdays? I'm curious.

Katie Pulsifer [00:17:54]:
Well, I have a couple of clients on Thursdays and so they get the best of the best of me and in the morning and then it just kind of goes downhill from there. So I have given up trying to be productive. I let myself go stare at the sky and just look at nature. I might go for a third walk. I might read my book. I might just brainstorm, kind of scribble doodle. I mean, I'm not even a doodler, but just kind of, well, if I did this and it went here and then over here, you know, but without the pressure of producing anything.

Kylie Kelly [00:18:30]:
Oh, I love that.

Katie Pulsifer [00:18:31]:
There's nothing is going to get produced well on Thursday afternoon except a really good cocktail.

Kylie Kelly [00:18:36]:
I love that you know that about yourself. I think that are so valuable, isn't it? It's so funny. I, I go for my daily walks and I've always been a learner. Like I love learning. I love listening to podcasts. I'm always hungry for that knowledge. But I realized that actually, you know what, listening to music is kind of fun too. And actually we don't have to be learning all the time.

Kylie Kelly [00:18:55]:
Like, I think it's nice to give yourself permission to just do what feels good in the moment.

Katie Pulsifer [00:19:00]:
Exactly. Sometimes we just obsess too much about, oh, I missed that call in my group. I gotta watch the replay or catch that podcast and I love listening to music it off and on in the background when I don't have clients. But taking it on a walk is. Yeah, that's special.

Kylie Kelly [00:19:16]:
Okay, so for anyone that is listening, we are entering 2026. Is there something you want to leave them with that you think every high achieving woman needs to hear? What would you say to them?

Katie Pulsifer [00:19:25]:
I mentioned this to you in the beginning before we started recording because I just am seeing it a lot lately. So maybe it's something that your listeners will resonate with as well. But, but be on the lookout for the black and white thinking, the all or nothing thinking. It's always running in the background. But when you see yourself in a I can do this or that or if I do this, then that will happen. That's the really sneaky one. It's like this certainty about what will come next. A question that might be helpful for your listeners might be something like and what else is true? Or how could I do that? That and that.

Katie Pulsifer [00:20:09]:
If I put these two opposing things together, how could I have both? Anything that disrupts the choice between only two options and allows you to create, ideate. Imagine a third option, a fourth option, a fifth option. Or put these two opposing things together. It's like discipline and freedom. It's not one or the other. I want both. I'm going to figure out how to have both. I don't want to choose because I, I need both.

Katie Pulsifer [00:20:38]:
So I'm just going to figure out how to do that. It's all in my mind. So things like that. I would love your listeners to be on the lookout for where they sort of box them in to only two options.

Kylie Kelly [00:20:50]:
Oh, I love that. I'm a part of a breath work group and I was on a guest training just the other day and she was talking, she's actually a money coach, but she was talking about how often. And again this is a bit of a money conversation. But how we're brought up in, you know, I have to work hard to make money or and even just asking yourself, well, is that 100 true and breaking or like cracking that open? Like these thoughts that we have that like you said, are really black and white, like cracking it open to let a bit of light in so we can be creative and come up with other ideas. Well, actually, no, I don't have to work out. I can have things that I sell in my sleep. Like actually that is possible. And then the ideas can come.

Kylie Kelly [00:21:26]:
Right?

Katie Pulsifer [00:21:26]:
Yeah, right, right. Yeah. It's even. Yeah, it's like, what if that's not true. Without making ourselves wrong for believing it. It's like, what if that's not true at all? That I have to work hard to be able to make money? What if. What if I don't have to work hard at all? What if it's super easy for me to earn money? Yeah.

Kylie Kelly [00:21:44]:
And then the guilt probably comes in though, right? Like then we need to work down the gil now making money and it's not hard. Now I feel guilty. I'm making money.

Katie Pulsifer [00:21:50]:
Yeah.

Kylie Kelly [00:21:51]:
Yeah.

Katie Pulsifer [00:21:51]:
And then we shut it down and all of that. So. Oh goodness. Yeah. So hard on ourselves.

Kylie Kelly [00:21:57]:
Oh, I've loved this Katie. So for anyone that is listening that needs more of Katie in their life, which I think that should be everybody. Where should we send them to discover more of you? Where's the best place to send them them?

Katie Pulsifer [00:22:08]:
Well, I write on Substack so you can find me there under Katie Pulsifer and it's called you are Golden. So I have a weekly newsletter that I publish over on Substack. I love the vibe over there. My website, katypulcifercoaching.com we'll put the links.

Kylie Kelly [00:22:24]:
I'm gonna go sign up for your newsletter after this. I'll put the links for everybody as well as that self trust reset in the show notes. But I just really appreciate you coming on and sharing just so graciously with us. So thank you.

Katie Pulsifer [00:22:34]:
Oh, it's my honor. Thank you. I just love helping however I can supporting people that are doing brilliant work in the world. So it was a pleasure to spend time with you.

Kylie Kelly [00:22:44]:
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of the Email Growth Show. I hope you found valuable insights into the next steps you can take to grow your email list and boost your business without relying on social media or paid ads. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show and share it with others. Your feedback helps me reach more female entrepreneurs just like you who are ready to say goodbye to social media and leverage email marketing to grow their business and make a bigger impact. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.