Central message

What you repeatedly focus on, rehearse and emotionally engage with becomes easier for your brain to notice and repeat.

The brain's 'algorithm'

· Your brain works a little like a social-media algorithm: what you repeatedly engage with, it becomes more likely to show you again.

· Practise annoyance and your mind becomes quicker at finding annoyance.

· Replay resentment and your mind becomes more alert for further evidence that you have been wronged.

· In simple terms: what you practise, you strengthen.

Three brain systems involved

· Salience network - decides what matters and deserves your attention.

· Default mode network - repeats familiar stories about you, your life and other people.

· Reward system - learns which experiences feel significant and are worth seeking or repeating.

· When anger is repeatedly rehearsed, the brain gets the message: This matters. Remember it. Look for more of it.

An important distinction

· Anger is not wrong. It can carry useful information and show us that a boundary has been crossed.

· The difficulty begins when we repeatedly replay the anger long after the original moment has passed.

· The answer is not fake positivity, denying your feelings or forcing gratitude.

The three-minute reset

· Set a timer for one minute.

· Name things you already have in your life that you genuinely appreciate.

· Say why you appreciate each one.

· Pause briefly and allow yourself to feel the appreciation.

· Repeat for three one-minute rounds - three minutes in total.

Why the feeling matters

· This is not about mechanically reciting a gratitude list.

· The pause allows your mind and body to register the good experience.

· You are teaching your brain: This matters too. Remember this. Look for more of this.

· Over time, your mind can become better at noticing what is good, supportive and working - not only what is wrong.