Handoff to the Fire Family Collective

In this episode, Peter McKenzie and Amanda Ellis discuss the transition of the Firehouse Roundtable podcast to the Fire Family Collective, focusing on the importance of community and support for families of firefighters. Amanda shares her personal journey of feeling isolated as a new firefighter's spouse and how connecting with others in similar situations has been transformative. They explore the vision for the Fire Family Collective, including mentorship programs and upcoming resources aimed at supporting families. The conversation emphasizes the need for connection, understanding, and shared experiences within the firefighting community.

Host: Capt. Peter McKenzie (ret.) of Ventura Fire Foundation Inc.

Guest Host: Amanda Ellis

Link: Request Access to the Fire Family Collective  

Connect with Ventura Fire Foundation on social media: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

Transcript

Peter McKenzie (00:02.103)
All right, welcome to another episode of the Firehouse Roundtable. I'm Peter McKenzie, one half of your host and Jason Kay is not here. In fact, we have a different guest, which we're excited about and a whole different format and a lot of changes that are coming your way from our podcast. So today we're gonna be talking to Amanda Ellis. Amanda, welcome to the show.

Amanda Ellis (00:28.738)
Thank you, I'm excited to be here.

Peter McKenzie (00:30.573)
And you're obviously not a stranger. So you've done a couple of podcasts for us with the wives and the spouses. But today is somewhat of a handoff from the Firehouse Roundtable over to the Fire Family Collective. And that's what we're going to talk about along with your story, which is interesting and super relevant to the topic. But yeah, let's get right into it.

I can just give some background from my perspective. We, Jason and I obviously hosted and some guest hosts the podcast for a while. And we explored topics related to firefighters and mental health and stories about the guys, those types of things. But I think the thing that helped us clarify and narrow in on what we were going to, what our foundation was going to be about and where we were going to focus our efforts really was born out of some of the issues and

and topics that came up from being on the podcast. In my mind anyway, like it brought awareness and kind of focus on the issues and the issue being the spouses, the families, the kids, the partners that are left behind while the firefighters at the, you know, working the crazy shifts that they're working. Those are kind of the people that are underserved, which is kind of why and how we started this fire family collective. But, yeah, what are your.

Take it from there, what are your thoughts on that?

Amanda Ellis (01:58.816)
Yeah, so I definitely felt different because I was a wife of a firefighter who was working with a different department. We moved and John started, you know, in this new department. And I felt like I was starting all over again as a spouse in a new community, in a new fire department. was so overwhelmed and intimidated to make my home in this new community. And I was fortunate that I was invited to come to an in-person event and I talked myself out of it, but I still showed up.

And it changed my life. You know, before the event, I was very intimidated about being a part of the new fire family here. And I felt a loss of my community that I had back at the old department. And it was really, really incredible to be surrounded by a room full of women and someone who has been through something so unbelievable as Ashley Iverson had been through and

seeing her speak life into us as significant others of firefighters and how resilient she is really breathe life into me when I felt so downtrodden in my circumstances being alone and not knowing how to navigate this new fire department and I, I just couldn't believe that someone like her stood back up after facing what she faced and that gave me like the jolt.

that I needed to wake myself up and be like, my husband comes home every day, I can figure this out. These women in this room are my community. And I want to connect with them and be a part of what this, you know, fire family can offer and what can that look like. And that was really the beginning of me, like realizing

how important having that connection to sisterhood and FireFamily is because I had forgotten what it was like.

Peter McKenzie (03:58.243)
Let's let me back up a second. When you say it was intimidating, what is that? Tell me more about that. Like what was what's intimidating about showing up as the wife of a new firefighter in a new town? Like what does that look like?

Amanda Ellis (04:10.25)
Yeah. So, you know, it's like, there's like the the environment of like the clicks, right? Like people already exist, they already have their group that they're close with. And I'm like the freshman coming into high school. And how am I going to fit in with all these seniors who are super cool and have all their things, right? So it was it was that feeling of, want to be a part of that group. I want that connection to these people. But

I don't know what they're interested in. I don't know if I'm cool enough. I you know, I have to like try out and get on the team. So I was super nervous. I mean, even something as silly as like I didn't even know what to wear. You know, I was like, how do I dress? What is what do people wear to these things and trying to like figure out what I wear? And you know, I'm a 30 year old mom of two. Like I was so nervous and it but it mattered because I wanted to be friends with these people. And

Peter McKenzie (04:46.435)
Mm-hmm.

Peter McKenzie (05:07.607)
Yeah, it wasn't that you came from another you already knew kind of what the fire wife Life thing was too because you came from another apartment, but even with that it was still intimidating, right? It didn't

Amanda Ellis (05:08.91)
Amanda Ellis (05:17.27)
Yeah. It was I think it was more intimidating because at his old department, we went through a class with 30 people. So I had like a built in buddy system of not everyone had, you know, a significant other but I had probably close to 20 significant others that I like got to lock arms with immediately. And so, you know, in his new hiring class, there was less than 10. So I was close with some of them. But for the

you know, bigger department, even it was intimidating to meet the more veteran, significant others and to be able to have a safe space like we did in that moment to come into this room and sit at a table more intimate and get to know a few, a few people and then the bigger group it was really it took away some of that, like, scare factor. And we could just

Peter McKenzie (06:13.518)
Yeah.

Amanda Ellis (06:15.178)
leave everything at the door and be ourselves without our firefighter with us.

Peter McKenzie (06:20.589)
What's funny is the most scared I've ever been talking in front of a group of people was at that event. Cause I was like the, I was the only guy, the husband or firefighter, guess, who was there. And I forget who was putting it on there. Like, Hey, can you come talk to everybody about the foundation? I'm like, sure. Yeah, I can do that. So I walk in and how many there is what maybe 20 or 30 wives there. And I don't know. just, it was, it was the first time I talked to a group of wives and

Amanda Ellis (06:42.807)
Yeah, it's...

Peter McKenzie (06:49.339)
It was just it was intimidating for me. So it's funny to hear you say that. So anyway. Yeah, it was like it was just different. And, know, there's a palpable.

Amanda Ellis (06:52.718)
funny I didn't know that

Peter McKenzie (07:01.775)
that, you know, this is not an easy life. And sometimes it really sucks being not only a firefighter, but the family back home because you're alone. You think they're coming home. They don't come home. They go on a strike team. Like I could sense tension, right? Like not that it was my fault. It for sure isn't my fault, but like, you know, I felt, I don't know if that's what I was feeling or what, but there's people, there's spouses who get angry at the fire department because it

It your family up. A lot of family things up. Holidays, vacations, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, funny. So that was your first experience. Was that your first experience around the spouses of the ventrifier?

Amanda Ellis (07:42.67)
Yeah, for the bigger group. mean, like I said, I had gotten close to some of the significant others in his immediate like hiring class for his level group. But that was my first time like meeting the bigger group of the existing veteran significant others. And yeah, walking into a room with like 20. Like, I mean, that's, that's pretty, you know, So

Peter McKenzie (08:05.901)
Yeah. So I don't think you're alone. I think every, I think that's super common, right? So that's kind of leads into why we're so passionate about our fire family community. In my mind, we're taking isolated events like that, that are super localized, like that, that was for 20 people, right? And trying to figure out how can we like spread this and include people.

you know, spouses all across the country to overcome the same things. Because if there's one thing we learned from our time doing the podcast, it's. Everyone sorry about that is everyone's basically the same. It doesn't matter what department you're at. doesn't matter what state you're in, city you're in, South, North, East, West. The struggle is the same and we might have different nomenclature and call things different things, but overall the issues are all the same. So I think that's.

The reason I'm so passionate about the collective is because I think it has the ability to make an actual improvement in our family's lives, which is huge. I think that's worth all the effort that we've been putting into trying to launch it. What are your thoughts on that? Did that experience with us shape your opinions about this? Because I know that when we were having these very early on discussions about the collective, you were

No qualms about it, wanted to be involved and wanted to take charge and I thought that was awesome. But yeah, talk to that a little bit. What did that look like in your head?

Amanda Ellis (09:41.91)
Yeah, so universe stuff happened. I met Ashley Iverson that day and I told her like, you're my best friend and you don't know it. And I'm so grateful. And then also, Stephanie K was at my table. And that was another universe thing. Like she has been a rock in supporting us through our journey here at you know, this new department and I could not imagine us surviving the past three years as a fire family without having her

alongside me. And that is huge. And I think that's one of the things even when I think back to his previous department. I had a veteran firefighter wife up there that I got set up on like a blind coffee date. And just having someone a little bit ahead of you who can speak to things that sees you and knows the freaking hard things that you're experiencing and says, Yes, this sucks. Yes, this is hard. Yes, you are strong.

you have gotten through hard things before we will get through this together. Let's figure it out. Do you need a nap? Do you need a spa day? Do you just need a date with your husband? Like what do need? I'm here for you. And having someone in your corner who gets it and has been through it because they're in the fire family and can hold that safe space let you get out your verbal diarrhea of how much this is horrible. I hate this. I hate this.

And then, you get to your like, okay, now I can take a deep breath and let's move forward. And I, that's what I saw in this vision of what the fire family collective could be. How do we create that so that you're not feeling so isolated that you can walk into that room and feel a little bit less nervous because you actually have a buddy you're walking into it with because from the beginning of your journey as a firefighter, significant other, you've locked arms with someone immediately.

and you're not few months in braving that alone and being like, my gosh, I'm walking in with 30 people staring at me. I don't know anyone. So for me, that's where I kind of saw that vision of like, literally you start your orientation process with your fire significant others. You started right then with your fire family and you have your fire family mentor.

Amanda Ellis (12:00.762)
And you just immediately are like welcomed in with warm hugs and a safe space and people who get it that are going to be there for you for the fun stuff, for the hard stuff. And that's, that's what I.

Peter McKenzie (12:13.983)
And just for the sake of our listeners, have the fire family collective has a mentor program that we are pairing up veteran fire spouses with newer fire spouses. Have you are you volunteering? Are you a mentor for anybody?

Amanda Ellis (12:29.426)
am not a mentor specifically for anybody, but I have my like three little fire babies. One of them calls me her fire mama, which is so silly. And I love them. They're the cutest. I love our little bond and I feel really fortunate that they trust me and they reach out to me and I love it. It's awesome.

Peter McKenzie (12:38.863)
Ha

Peter McKenzie (12:49.359)
Good, good, good. Those are in our department though, right? Those aren't in the community. So we've paired up people in the community as well, which I think there's value to having local connections in the same department, but I also think there's a ton of value of being anonymous to like department politics and weird little clicks. Like you're mentored with someone in another state. Like I think that's pretty cool as well. Didn't mean to put you on the hotspot about the mentor thing. I will say that there is no other spouse that I know.

Amanda Ellis (13:13.709)
Yes.

Peter McKenzie (13:18.701)
that has done as much work for this collective as you have. So kudos there for sure. Which is why we're turning, I mean, we're basically turning this podcast over to you and the collective and we're going to make this, we're going to live true to what we're, you know, our, what our mission is and kind of where we're pivoting. And it is literally to support the families and the kids at home. So it makes total sense in our head to let's pivot the podcast.

We'll turn it into the Fire Family Collective and Amanda's gonna lead it. And there's gonna have, it's gonna be the same format. We're gonna have guests, we're gonna talk about issues, comfortable conversations, uncomfortable conversations, but it's gonna be more 100 % focused on the spouses and the families. I do wanna say that we struggled to maintain a regular cadence when it came to putting out episodes for obvious reasons. We're dealing with firefighters here.

or obviously not me currently, but Jason and other people that were on the guest on the podcast for sure. It's really hard to schedule things and work comes first and fires happen and wildfires, all the things. I almost think it's going to be worse when it's the spouses, right? Cause the firefighter has to worry about going to work or coming home, but you're left juggling all the balls at home.

And I, which is why we're intentionally not committing to a particular cadence with how often these episodes are going to come out. We're going to do our, and I say, we, I mean, you and your team are going to do our best, but we're not going to be like, for sure. Once a week, we're going to have this. Cause the reality is there's a lot that goes on and there's a lot of juggling and you know, nothing planning is almost impossible in this life. So yeah, I'm excited that, that you've.

are willing to take the bull by the horns on this one. So what are you excited about? What's your vision for the podcast? How do you want to leave a mark?

Amanda Ellis (15:15.798)
Yeah, I'm excited that you're trusting me and giving me this opportunity to pave this path and learn and make mistakes and just figure out what the needs are, what people are hoping to get. I'm excited that we get to grow together that it's like you said, it's nationwide. It's not just here locally. It's not where John's previous department was. It's going to help the bigger collective and

I think that that's super exciting to know that more people's lives will be changed and hopefully they'll feel better and they'll come away with things that they can actually apply to their lives. I hope that we can take things that are local here like meetups in person and make them virtual so that we can connect virtually and have like a virtual conference and that more people can be reached and part of.

something that makes them feel better. And then I'm hopeful that we have really valuable resources. So stay tuned for that one super exciting coming out. I'm just so stoked for, and hopefully many more, but just to get started, we have really exciting resources that are relevant for us as significant others with little kids and like.

Peter McKenzie (16:32.621)
Are we keeping that a secret or are we talking about that? Well, let's talk about it. Why not? So it's a parenting course, right? So we have some very relevant, well, we might as well just say Tiffany Attala, who is on the board of directors of the foundation is a therapist and she is doing a series of parenting courses with you, Amanda. And why don't you explain kind of what it is? It's not done yet. I know you guys are like in the process of filming it and recording it, but you alluded to it. We might as well just let it out. Go for it.

Amanda Ellis (17:02.262)
Okay, so breaking news top secret. yeah, Tiffany and I recorded a six part series for a parenting course for a fire family and it is a wealth of resources. Tiffany is one of the most knowledgeable resources. So I'm just really grateful. She dives into these different stages, pregnancy, toddler, early elementary teen, and so on. And we just talk about

Peter McKenzie (17:02.383)
You

Amanda Ellis (17:32.29)
briefly, they're about 20 to 25 minutes. They're nothing long and each module will have like an accompanying workbook and resources. So it's just her and I chit chatting and her just giving some insights and value and then yeah, just some good takeaways to, know, take some of the fears away, I think. And then how we can.

just hopefully more successfully navigate those different chapters of parenthood.

Peter McKenzie (18:04.545)
And for the people that don't know Tiffany, the reason she is the expert in this is not only is she a therapist, but she also is a fire spouse for a long time. And she knows the life and she's raised kids and she gets it along with her professional training in regards to that, which is really important for our world, because we're like a weird little group of people that have, you know, we're not like your regular eight to five, you know, office workers. There's, there's things that are unique.

which is why it's really important that we have culturally relevant, I think that's the term, people that can advise and assist us. And Tiffany's one of them. those are the types of things, first off, that course is gonna be inside the Collective. So if you're interested in that, join the Collective. That's where it's gonna live. That's where we're gonna promote this type of thing. But those are the types of things that we're gonna do.

Amanda Ellis (18:43.683)
Yes.

Peter McKenzie (18:58.415)
And that's just the beginning. And I do want to say this. A lot of our listeners, think, are in the collective. But if you're considering joining the collective, it's not polished and perfect and perfectly categorized and all dialed in. It's 100 % not. It's in the infancy stages. And we want people that are willing to join who are going to help us build it and turn it into something that's amazing. And it's going to take time. Nothing amazing is created overnight.

I'm proud of what we have, but it's going to get better and we need good people in there to help us make it better. And it's definitely, everybody contributes, whether you're just having conversations or writing articles or debating things, but just know that if you go there and you go, this is like, it's all right. It's not great. Join anyway, and help us, help us make it great.

Amanda Ellis (19:50.466)
Yeah, let us know what you want to see, how we can bring value to your life and what you're looking for with the Fire Family Collective because we're making it for you. Like you are literally why we're doing this. So please let us know.

Peter McKenzie (20:04.911)
And then the other thing I think is worth mentioning, I'm not in there because we have purposely made it about the families and not the firefighters. So you, and then we don't let anybody join. So we're trying to keep out trolls or bots or whatever, things that aren't related. We're not, people aren't in there trying to sell you a bunch of stuff. Like we're being very protective to prevent stuff like that, but it is, it's a safe space that

guys like me are not monitoring or there's no husbands in there of the spouses. Like we purposely are not letting, and we've had them try, right? We've had plenty of firefighters try to join that we are not letting in there for obvious reasons. So anyway, I thought that was worth mentioning. We want to preserve the privacy and the anonymity kind of as best we can so that people feel safe. How did you, so you showed up in our town, John got hired, you showed up, it was intimidating. You went to that event.

I'm assuming broke down some barriers. You started building relationships after that. What does it look like for you now? Like speak to how you were when you showed up to what that looks like now. Not like how many friends you have or what parties you go to, but your state of mind and that type of thing.

Amanda Ellis (21:21.27)
Yeah, so he got hired in May of 2022 and I think that event was either in September or October of 2022. So like whatever, however many months later that is, I really didn't connect with anyone outside of the few from his academy class.

Amanda Ellis (21:41.334)
Sorry.

Peter McKenzie (21:42.295)
It's okay. Yeah, not a big deal.

Amanda Ellis (21:47.68)
If you're hurt then yeah

Peter McKenzie (21:52.335)
You should have brought him on. You should have introduced him. We are doing video now. no. Anyhow. No, no, no. We'll leave it in there. It shows the reality of what this is actually like. No. Okay.

Amanda Ellis (22:04.686)
Okay, so yeah, so before I just, you know, been a few months and I didn't really have any connection that was within with outside of his immediate Academy class that got hired and I was super nervous. I was very apprehensive. I it was just really intimidating and scary to think like, how do I make a new home here? I did this already seven, you know, for seven years with the previous department. How do I do that again?

And immediately, like I said, after breaking down those barriers, feeling like I was in a safe space at that event, talking with Stephanie and her welcoming me and making me feel like I can be vulnerable and hearing what the other women were sharing in that room and hearing what Ashley was sharing, just being so raw and so real. And I think it really let me

open up myself to these are the people I want to surround myself with. I knew I did. I can do this. This community does offer value. They want to help us as significant others. And it made me want more of it because I really enjoyed myself. So then like the next time an event was offered, I got my mom to come up from Orange County to watch the kids for the day so that I could be at it. That's how important it was for me to continue to

show up and get value out of it. And then again, when I was, you know, offered to be a part of the board, I was like, absolutely, yes, like, I want to be a part of this. So

Peter McKenzie (23:45.135)
Do feel intimidated now when you get around spouses in the department or do you feel comfortable? you are, yeah, what?

Amanda Ellis (23:52.622)
Sometimes I still get nervous because I don't know, you know, I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but that's okay. I don't need to be for everyone. But I think that overall I think that people gravitate towards, you know, the the value that we're trying to bring with the collective. And so they see my heart and that I really care about making this something that matters and adds value to people's lives. So I

I think I get nervous because of that. Like I see the potential of the Fire Family Collective and what we can bring to the entire nation. So I get nervous thinking like, am I going to step up to the plate enough to get this off the ground and to get it where we want it to go to impact all those people? That's what I get nervous about. Like, am I, am I doing that? And I think I'm showing up authentically. I think I am pouring myself into it. So I hope that people see that and how.

influential it can be in their lives and how the impact from something as small as like a coffee date with a new, you know, someone that got hired or a playdate. go on lots of playdates with fire spouses and their kiddos and absolutely love that. It's one of my favorite things. And it's just it's awesome the different ways that we can connect.

Peter McKenzie (25:13.945)
Yeah. Well, the good news is you don't have to build it alone, right? There's, there's other people just like you in the community and hopefully it grows quickly. I mean, we're, we're doing our best to get the word out. We're, we're, we're still building it obviously. And there's, there's a lot of work we were just meeting before this podcast with Joe, there's a lot of work that we have to do and there's, you know, it's not perfect, but with heart like yours and, the other spouses that are in there, I,

fully confident that it's going to turn into an amazing resource. I think it already is. I just think it's going to get better and better. And the more families we expose it to all around, it's going to be good for everybody. So I think it's going to be great for the firefighters too, cause they're not going to have to, it's like a support system that a lot of people didn't even know existed. So anyhow, what else, you know what I'm excited about is potentially like down the road.

holding an in-person event where like the people in the collective come to in-person because right now it's virtual, it's online, it's not ideal. It would be perfect if it was fully in-person, but that's just not practical when you're trying to build something nationwide and we are a nonprofit and we don't have a giant budget to be able to do crazy things with. But as we grow, as we get better at raising money or whatever it is we're gonna do.

I see some in-person events in the future, which I think would be amazing, especially if you've connected with people from other states, but never been in person. Like I feel like that would be pretty impactful, which that's, that's definitely on the horizon or things that we want to work towards.

Amanda Ellis (26:56.022)
Yeah, my vision is that we have like main mentors in the different hubs of more metropolitan areas and that we do have events at these different locations and we can get together in person as the community grows and our budget grows, you know, but we're just volunteers showing up and doing our best. So I do see that in the future and I put it out there. So it'll come.

Peter McKenzie (27:20.623)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, if you are interested in joining, it's the fire family collective, I think that's our website as well. Fire family collective.org. It's also on our parent organization, the Viter fire foundation.org. There's links to it. You have, you do have to fill out a little application cause we are trying to verify that you are a fire family member. Um, but we want as many people to join as we can. And we're going to continue to build.

Relevant good things. The other thing I want to say is if you are interested in coming on Amanda's fire family collective podcast, please reach out to us we Sometimes finding guests is really difficult and we want we don't real-world people. We don't want like some Buddy who's in the clouds You know doesn't understand the struggle or what it's like like I mean, this is just my opinion You might think differently, but I'd rather listen to an actual fire spouse who's in the trenches

and maybe figured something else out, how to do something better or not, or just wants to come on here and vent because I think that's valuable too. And there's plenty of spouses who feel the same way. So if you want to come on here and tell us your story and tell us how the collective impacted you or whatever it is, reach out to us. We definitely are interested in having as many relevant guests as we can.

Amanda Ellis (28:45.752)
Super excited. Thanks Pete.

Peter McKenzie (28:48.087)
Yeah, I'm glad to have it. We'll put well, the other thing we'll do is we'll link it in the show notes. It we have all the social media stuff, the Instagrams and the Facebooks for the collective. But follow us. Reach out to us. We want to welcome everybody. It's it's a welcoming thing. And yeah, I appreciate you agreeing to take over the podcast. You never know. Maybe me and Jason will make an appearance every once in a while. But from going forward, it's it's all you. And I'm excited to see.

how it develops. have no doubt in my mind that you guys are gonna make it 10 times better than we did. And you know, we didn't even do that good of a job with it, so.

Amanda Ellis (29:24.01)
You guys did great. I love the firehouse round table.

Peter McKenzie (29:27.649)
Awesome. Thank you, Amanda. Appreciate it. And stay tuned for more FireFamily Collective episodes.

Amanda Ellis (29:33.784)
Thank you.