Navigating Fire Family Life (What They DON’T Tell You)

In this episode of the Fire Family Collective Podcast, Amanda and Ashley Pridgeon discuss the unique dynamics of being part of a firefighter family. They explore Ashley's experiences growing up as a fire kid, the challenges of parenting with a firefighter spouse, and the importance of mental health resources for first responders. The conversation emphasizes the need for community support, the reality behind the romanticized image of firefighters, and the significance of intentional family moments. They also highlight the importance of attending firefighter events together to strengthen bonds and support systems.

Takeaways

• Growing up as a fire kid shapes perspectives on family dynamics.
• Intentional moments with children create lasting memories.
• It's important to check in with spouses after tough shifts.
• Mental health resources are crucial for first responders.
• Community support helps navigate the challenges of fire family life.
• Romanticizing the firefighter image can overlook the reality of the job.
• It's okay to ask for help and accept support from others.
• Teaching children resilience is vital in first responder families.
• Attending firefighter events can strengthen family bonds.
• Open communication about feelings and needs is essential. 

Transcript

Amanda (00:00.93)
Hello, welcome to the Fire Family Collective Podcast. I'm Amanda and I am here today with fellow Firewife Ashley Pridjon. Nope, see, I already said it wrong. Sorry, Ashley.

Ashley Pridgeon (00:12.434)
You're good, you're good.

Amanda (00:14.698)
It's so nice to be here. Ashley is actually at a conference right now, first serve, first care conference for firefighters and their families. And she's joining us live. So we're super excited. She's taking time out to chat with us and get to know her. So thanks, Ashley.

Ashley Pridgeon (00:28.401)
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm excited to talk with you.

Amanda (00:33.452)
So one of the cool things about Ashley is she is also a fire wife, but she was also a first responder fire kid. She grew up as a daughter of a first responder. And I think that's so cool. I can somewhat relate. My dad traveled a lot for work. My parents were divorced. So I had a lot of the shuffling and not both of my parents being there. So Ashley can relate to our kids as we parent now. And I just think that's really cool. So Ashley, can you tell us a little bit about that?

Ashley Pridgeon (01:02.625)
Yeah, absolutely. So, sad tale of my childhood. No, I'm kidding. It was the best childhood ever. you know, getting to tell those stories at school about, after school I get to go to the fire station or, you know, that was amazing.

Definitely had some disappointing moments of missed volleyball games or school events and that. But my dad was very conscious of making up those missed opportunities or missed moments in other ways. He was very intentional on the time he spent with us and what he did with us. It wasn't an absent, go play on the playground or just get in the car, we're going for a drive. It was very intentional, which I now.

turn try to do with my children and kind of fill the void a little bit because it can be a void. can be disruptive to a child's mentality and they're used to both parents being there and when dad's away it's kind of a blow to the ego a little bit.

Amanda (02:12.684)
Right, you feel like you're missing out as a kid yourself and then now as a mom, you don't want your kids to feel like they're, you know, lost of something. And one of the things that I thought of when I was re-listening to one of your Instagram stories was you said those like everyday mundane things, but getting to go on those drives to wherever the post office with your dad. Those are the things that you remember now as a, you know, grown up and

Oftentimes we kind of dismiss those things and like give ourselves guilt like, this isn't that significant. But I literally last weekend, John's building a fence and Hudson woke up early, raced to get his clothes on to go and say, you can I go help dad? And I said, you know, yeah, let's ask him as long as it's safe, you know, and they went to the hardware store together. They got to spend a couple hours like getting lumber and different things. And for him, those are the things that as a five year old.

He's gonna remember that a lot more than like you said, the one missed baseball game because he was on duty.

Ashley Pridgeon (03:13.72)
Right, exactly. And the other thing I think too, in the society we live in now, it's so easy to just say, hey, let's throw money at this. Let's do one big blowout and go to Disney. Like, yeah, your child may remember that. It may be a core memory for them, but is it something really productive and really intentional that you're doing with them? Because honestly,

Growing up as a fire kid, that's what I remember as those intentional moments of, like you said, going to the post office, going to the dry cleaner. Those were the moments that I still talk to my children about today as a 30, almost 33 year old.

Amanda (03:51.499)
Hahaha!

Amanda (03:55.18)
Yeah, I mean, we love Disneyland. Don't get us wrong. We're the stereotypical SoCal pass holders over here. But for us, like you said, those little moments from him coming home and just doing those things where Hudson and Harlow can feel like they're a part of means so much to them. And I think it's really neat that as like a kid growing up in the fire service and now as a parent yourself, you can truly have that empathy and see they do matter.

Yes, I understand your feeling of missing out on and also I understand that this we're, you know, doing what we can to make you feel have these special moments now.

Ashley Pridgeon (04:35.091)
Well, the good thing too is I can be intentional with my husband when he comes home.

from a hard shift. I remember those days where my dad would come home from shift and he was just wiped out, didn't wanna talk to anybody. He kind of faked it just to make it through the morning. And I now know, hey, I can ask my husband, what do you need from me when you have a hard shift, when you have a long shift, whatever it may be, I can say, what is it that you need from me? Is it?

hey, you just need 20 minutes to yourself. Is it you need to go take a shower and just lay down for a couple hours? You know, and my mom set a huge example for us as kids was, you know, she was very, when dad gets home, he's going to have, you know, some time to himself and then we'll go about our day and you know, he'll join us later on. And it wasn't, you know, leave him alone. It wasn't a stern thing. It was just we were taught from that age.

Dad has a tough job. Dad is out there saving our neighbors, being there for people, being that strength for those people in their weakest moments. He needs some time to just decompress and then he'll be right back with us. It wasn't anything negative or derogative. It was just really a good example for me now as a fire wife.

Amanda (06:05.55)
Right, yeah, I think the excitement, right? When I'm excited to see my husband when he comes home, the kids are excited to see him, but having that routine and that rhythm kind of teaching them, like sometimes he's ready to go, he did get a decent night of sleep, he's had breakfast or whatever, we can like engage right away and other times having that check-in before and whether it's a text or a phone call, hopefully, right? Like I need to go to sleep or I need a shower, I'm gonna need an hour, whatever it is and then.

Ashley Pridgeon (06:33.947)
Yeah.

Amanda (06:34.458)
helping teach the kids that, right? Like, yes, be excited to see daddy, say hi, and then we're going to tell you now what the plan is. Or if we were able to have that check in before he got home, you know, let the kids know like, actually already talked to daddy and this is the plan when he gets home. So that it's just kind of training them, you know, what what it's going to look like once he does come back and transition to home. So

Ashley Pridgeon (06:58.327)
Yeah, that's a tough transition, especially when they've had those tough calls those long nights. you just it's a good thing to set that tone with your children now at such a young age. So they know like, okay, dad walks through the door. It's not time to tackle him. It's not, you I, I kind of have a code word with my son that, you know, when dad's had a rough shift, it's okay. But you know, he needs a minute.

And that's kind of like our little phrase of, dad's, know, he doesn't know the details of it, but he knows when dad gets home, he's gonna need a minute. So that's kind of cool.

Amanda (07:39.436)
Yeah. Yeah, that's a good tool to have in our toolkit, right, as we're navigating this part of it. cool. Thank you for sharing that. One of the other things I really wanted to talk to you about was romanticizing this career. So I think that's really interesting. You shared a couple of times how sometimes you get negative feedback and comments, which

Ashley Pridgeon (07:54.287)
Yeah, absolutely.

Amanda (08:10.126)
Sometimes people can keep their opinions to themselves. anyways, we love a little bit of the discourse here. We can talk about things. So I personally read romance books and I have read one firefighter romance books. But yeah, like you said, you're sharing like we have this vision as society of like the hot firefighter and they're just so dreamy.

Ashley Pridgeon (08:13.274)
Exactly.

Ashley Pridgeon (08:25.37)
Okay.

Amanda (08:40.066)
And sure, that's like part of it, but that's like a sliver of our reality as a family. And it's really hard and it takes a toll on us. So I'm just curious what you want to share more about that.

Ashley Pridgeon (08:53.901)
Yeah. So I always remember there is a country western bar down here in South Florida and they have the firefighter calendar launch party and it's all the you good looking firefighters that come out in their bunker pants and their suspenders and their helmets and all the girls go crazy and yeah I remember hearing those those girls be like I want to he's so handsome and he makes a great boyfriend and

you know, up as a fire kid, I know the reality of, you know, what it looks like to be with a firefighter, you know, from the outside at least. And yeah, that's just, you know, I guess in any first responders standpoint, there's always going to be that like man in uniform and my goodness, you know, saves cats from trees and how sweet is he, that whole thing. But it's more than that.

there's a lot that goes into this relationship. It's tough. It definitely takes some endurance, takes some understanding, a lot of understanding. I saw somebody had posted on

Ashley Pridgeon (10:14.138)
being, you know, when to unload. When is it a good time to have a debrief and when is it not a good time to have a debrief? Because there's some things that we don't need to know as laypeople. Like there's just, we're here for that support. And that takes a lot of work and to have this mentality going into it of, you know, I married America's hero or, you know, all the fluffy, you know, romantic size stuff, it's

it's not gonna set a good foundation. You need to have a little bit, know, come out of the clouds a little bit. Yes, it's amazing to be marrying a firefighter. Yes, it's amazing to be with a firefighter. You know, they have an amazing job, very noble job, but come back down to earth for a second and realize that there is a lot of work, just like in any marriage, any relationship, there's a lot of work that goes into it and you need to be his peace when he gets home because he works in a world of chaos.

Amanda (11:12.014)
Right. So from like a just a bigger perspective, right, our spouses work in a blue collar, like hands on physical labor job, whether you're a first responder, military, a plumber, they're moving their bodies, there's demands to that. And there's sometimes a physical benefit we get to aesthetically enjoy. But that's one piece of the bigger picture of all the darkness and trauma. Hold on one second. Sorry, my child.

Amanda (11:43.648)
Yes, love.

Amanda (11:47.406)
want to apple. Okay, ask Hudson or get your stool, okay?

Amanda (11:55.692)
Okay, then ask Hudson. Go ask Hudson or get your stool, okay? Sorry. Okay, so anyways, just the dark side of things, right? Like I have been fortunate through our foundation that I've gotten to go through like a peer support training, but I'm not a therapist. I haven't been through thousands of hours of coursework and practice. So there are some tools that I've learned as a first responder partner, but...

Ashley Pridgeon (12:02.609)
Thank

Amanda (12:24.224)
when they have those hard calls and things, you my hope is that the department has a mentor program or the few things that I have learned, can temporarily, you know, band-aid support them. But the reality is that's not my job as his partner to have him unload everything. And sometimes that's hard to be empathetic and understanding and say, like, I can't imagine what you went through. That sounds really difficult. Were you able to talk to someone on shift?

Ashley Pridgeon (12:43.114)
Right.

Amanda (12:53.688)
Do we need to reach out to our therapist? Do you need to go for a run? Like whatever puzzle, know, whatever their form of decompressing is to further support them. And that's all the stuff that you don't see on the awesome calendar with the suspenders and the turnout, right? Like, so.

Ashley Pridgeon (13:09.713)
Yeah. I think it's a big thing too to make sure that it's a healthy outlet.

that it's not something that's going to be, you you want them to be able to go away from if they need to, to take some time away and really decompress and reflect and whatever they need to do, but make sure it's something that's not going to pull them away from the family. If that makes any sense at all, just make sure it's like a healthy way to blow off steam.

being in this type of arena, I guess you would call it, of fire life my entire life is I've seen a lot of guys go down the wrong path of, ugh, I need to drink it away or, I need to whatever it is, go gamble it away. Whatever the thing is that they feel would be a decompressing agent.

but it's negative. It's just not a healthy way to do it. And I like that you said, we reach out to our therapist? That's a great thing to have in your arsenal already is have that in your back pocket. It's okay to have a therapist. It's not a stigma anymore. I mean, it's 2025, everybody has a therapist. I know back in the day, it was a big stigma that.

you know, therapists were out there to take your badge, take your job. They were going to hear the wrong thing and that was it. That's not the case anymore. There are there are actual therapists out there that are specifically for first responders who are ready to hear the nitty gritty dirty stuff and they're okay with it because that's what they're there for. They're not there to take your job. They're not there to, you know, report back to your chief. They're there to help you through the worst calls, the worst things you've seen.

Ashley Pridgeon (15:08.808)
in a healthy and positive way.

Amanda (15:11.8)
Right. And I think that that's something where the collective has been super helpful and something we're hoping to continue to grow and outreach more people is having that space of people that we can know that we safely can talk to. There's so many resources that are going to be available in the collective for these types of situations and not that fear and the backlash of, is this going to get back to someone? How is this going to affect me?

and just being able to be vulnerable in a safe space where you know that things are really okay and it's okay to share. And yeah, it's 2025. Like we talk about all this stuff. We're not numbing out, we're processing, we're doing the hard work, we're facing things and it's going to suck, but it's going to be better because of it. So.

Ashley Pridgeon (15:51.465)
Yeah.

Ashley Pridgeon (16:02.408)
Exactly, and my gosh is it hard work. It's new, I'm in it to win it. So I, this week was talking with the Florida Firefighters Association and they have an entire library worth of peer

Amanda (16:04.526)
It's so hard, but I'm here for it.

Amanda (16:11.564)
Yeah.

Ashley Pridgeon (16:24.501)
you know, how for us to read as lay people and their videos and, you know, ways for us to obviously not be a peer, know, counselor, so to speak, but we can have the terminology in our, in our head, the mindset of, you know, how can we help it? Cause that's really what we want to do. We want to help. We don't want to see our, our husband or partner struggle.

Because they do come home and they have seen the worst thing ever and we need to be able to be that piece for them.

Amanda (16:59.672)
Hold on one second, I'm sorry.

Ashley Pridgeon (17:01.31)
Nowhere.

Amanda (18:14.264)
Sorry, we're in a screaming phase. Hopefully she doesn't scream anymore. my gosh. Okay, those tools that you mentioned sound really neat. So I hope I can take a peek at them. And I think just like you said, know, being able to be a support, but we're not the only, you know, resource for our partner or fellow FireWife, right? I want to be able to have my sisters talk to me and feel like they're able to share things with me without thinking, you know.

oh my gosh, she's gonna judge me or who's gonna hear this too. So just knowing that we're all in this together, we want to support one another and see each other thrive and have each other's backs and just make every day better, so.

Ashley Pridgeon (18:59.476)
Yeah, definitely. And I actually was able to talk to some Firewives this week at the First-Hair First Care Conference. And some of them are strolling around itty bitty babies. And you can tell they're here just cheering on their husbands. it was absolutely amazing to talk to some of them and kind of do that connection and let them know what we're offering at the Fire Family Collective and get them excited and involved.

If anybody knows about fire life, it's a fire wife. We're like in the thick of it all the time. So to have that connection and have that support to just, you know, chit chat and have no judgment or, you know, I'm going to say something that's going to scare her off. Like we're not scared off. Promise.

Amanda (19:49.282)
Right, right. Yeah, exactly. Like we in our own way have been through something similar or it's coming down the path for us. Like, you know, let's talk about it. So I think, yeah, having this in-person event you were able to go to sounds so neat. And I'm so glad you're able to have that for a whole week and you did it with your two kids in tow. So that's a big deal.

Ashley Pridgeon (20:11.476)
It was a lot this year.

Amanda (20:14.894)
Yeah, and you also work full time. You're a preschool teacher, right? So how do you manage that, right? With your firefighter on duty, you have not a newborn, but a very young baby and then a toddler. So how are you managing that, Ashley?

Ashley Pridgeon (20:32.34)
well, you know we talked about healthy coping. Wine is always a good thing. No, I'm kidding.

Amanda (20:38.2)
Hahaha

Ashley Pridgeon (20:40.245)
No, I have an amazing support team around me. have my parents are local, which I know is not the case for everybody, but thank God it is for me. And I have some amazing friends and I definitely am taking advantage of my village a lot, which yeah, I do feel guilty more often than not.

Amanda (21:01.624)
Good.

Ashley Pridgeon (21:09.982)
kind of get over that and say, I need help, I need help. know, kind of drop the ego and if you need help, you need help. So.

Amanda (21:12.589)
Yeah.

Amanda (21:18.926)
And people want to do that. I've learned that. I truly didn't understand that before. But if they're offering and they say they want to do it, give them that gift of being able to support you in the ways that they can.

Ashley Pridgeon (21:33.872)
Yeah, because I can't really imagine anybody saying, I'm willing to help you. And then when you say, yeah, OK, here you go. And they're like, wait, just kidding. didn't mean to. Yeah, but I mean, I just you do what you got to do as a mom, as a wife, as a partner, and you just you make it work. And I'm happy to say my kids are thriving and they.

Amanda (21:42.144)
Right, exactly. Take it back now. I'm not gonna do that.

Ashley Pridgeon (22:02.132)
absolutely adore having their grandparents so close and like you said they were here this weekend or this week rather and you know getting loved on by all the you know pseudo aunts and uncles and you know meeting all the other firefighters and that and yeah it's you just kind of have to drop your ego and you you you can be supermom and still need help.

Amanda (22:26.764)
Yeah, and I think it's great for the kids to see the different facets of you as a person and not just to see this one version of you. And I'm really trying to make sure my kids see that in me and in John and see their dad and the different things that he loves and lights him up and.

having those healthy hobbies and things, maybe it means that he gets an hour or two less with the kids, but it enables him to be a better version of himself when he's around us and relying on that community so that we can go on a date or whatever it is. And the kids know, like, okay, mom's going to yoga with, you know, this person and they know who that is and they love that person. They're like, okay, well, when can I see them too? I want to go and play at their house.

And it's really neat seeing them form those connections with, like you said, those pseudo aunties and uncles and have them request to spend time with them. And it means so much to those people as well. And I remember before we had kids, I love that about the Fire family. We would watch our friends who already had kids so they could go on date night. And it was so special for us to have that trust from them and to have that bond with their kiddo. Like it just means the world.

Ashley Pridgeon (23:42.956)
definitely. And my son constantly is requesting his favorite uncles and his favorite aunts, know, when can they come over? And he'll sit in the back seat and we'll just drive and he'll stare off and be like, mommy, you know who I really miss? know, it's, it's really cool to be a part of that. And I grew up in that too. And like you said, seeing the different facets of your, of yourself and letting your children see that.

It means a lot because we're human, we're not gonna hold it together all the time. And I think a big thing that I've learned from my mom is accept the help. There was a time that my brother and I were pushing her, it's okay to say no, it's okay to say you're not able to do that right now.

You know, it's okay to say, yes, I need the help. And that has been such an influential thing on me now as a fire wife and as a mom that it's okay for my kids to see that I'm accepting that help, that I can't do it all at the same time, that, you know, mommy does get frustrated and mommy does maybe get a little loud. So it's okay to not be perfect in front of your children. They will never judge you.

And that fire family around you is never going to judge you either because we've all been through it.

Amanda (25:04.696)
For sure. John and I are both really good about apologizing to our kids when we take a step back and realize, you know what, that wasn't the best decision. Or I said some things that I didn't really mean in the moment, or I didn't understand what was happening. I should have given you the chance to explain that to me, whatever it is. And teaching our kids how to apologize and own things, it's a hard lesson as a parent, but it's a good thing to emulate so they can learn from that as well.

Ashley Pridgeon (25:29.19)
Yeah.

Ashley Pridgeon (25:34.598)
Definitely, I have started implementing that in my life as well. It's just, know, but mom was a little frustrated and I'm sorry my words sounded harsh or, you know, it's just been a busy morning, buddy. I know it feels like I'm rushing you, you know, having those conversations with them so they understand too what's going on. You know, my mom was very...

you know, very intentional on conversations with us and making sure that we knew what was coming next because being in the fire service, our life is very, very chaotic. You never know, you know, that phone call is going to come in that, hey, we need you. You've been mandated. You have to go into work or hey, we have a detail. We need somebody. And, you know, especially here in Florida, hey, there's a storm coming. You need to go to the station and you're on lockdown for the next three days. You know, it's...

Very chaotic.

Amanda (26:26.934)
Yeah, and I think having those abilities where we can teach our kids resilience and being flexible is huge with first responder families. And yeah, even more so depending on where you live with the weather, right? Like those things are really impacting your lives.

Ashley Pridgeon (26:45.669)
For sure.

Amanda (26:47.035)
awesome. Is there anything else you wanted to share with us Ashley?

Ashley Pridgeon (26:54.085)
Well, I want to kind of put it out there for all the Firewives and Fire Partners. If your firefighter is having a conference coming up or a convention coming up, please attend with them. I was able to chit chat with a lot of Firewives and Fire Partners this week and kind of get a feel from them. In fact, I've been doing this First-Serve First Care Conference for a long time.

all the way from being what they call a distraction during our advanced life-saving competition. Help my brother, you need to help my brother, and pulling on the pant. Yeah, all the way from a kid now into adulthood, I've been involved in this conference, chit chatting with the wives and partners and just.

Amanda (27:32.088)
Wow, when you were a kid.

Ashley Pridgeon (27:46.253)
Getting a feel for how they enjoyed it, I can tell you this year there have been more support systems, i.e. the wife or the partner or the firefighter, than they've seen in years. It's been really cool to see. So if your firefighter is having a conference or convention, check and see if that's an option. Even if you just go for the day, if it's a local thing.

you can learn a lot. It's good networking. It's neat to meet those firefighters outside of the firehouse. Of course, it's still very professional, but it's a little more fun than just sitting at the table at the fire station. So that's kind of my soapbox spiel of if you get the opportunity to do it, I highly suggest it. And just

be there as a support and hey, you never know, you might walk out with some stress balls or, know, yeah, I'm telling you, yeah, for sure, the things they were giving away this year, I mean, I have a heating pad, you know, that you can stick in the microwave. My son walked out with probably 15 different like shaped stress balls. He's, you know, next year. Yeah, it was, I mean, that's just.

Amanda (28:46.104)
some cool swag.

Amanda (29:01.144)
Wow.

Ashley Pridgeon (29:07.768)
perk of it, but yeah, definitely if you can go, I'd say go.

Amanda (29:11.692)
Yeah, I love the in-person connection as much as possible getting to sit with someone and just chat like this is such a privilege and I'm so grateful for technology. But there's just that little extra when we get to be sitting side by side with someone. So I'm glad you're able to have that experience this week and bring the kiddos along and start the next generation. So that's so cool.

Ashley Pridgeon (29:36.033)
Yeah, definitely. And if I can do a quick little plug, first their first care is going to be moving to the Broward Convention Center. It is completely redone. They will be there from June 1st through the 5th. It's the first week in June. It's right by the beach downtown Fort Lauderdale. Beautiful sunny beaches. Come on down. We'd love to have you and all your firefighters can get their continuing education.

Amanda (29:38.68)
Yeah.

Ashley Pridgeon (30:04.943)
points that they need. there's exactly so your firefighter gets to do his courses and you get to go lay out by the pool or by the beach and yes please come down I'd love to see you guys

Amanda (30:06.51)
Cool.

Amanda (30:13.934)
and hang out with Ashley.

Amanda (30:19.232)
Awesome. Well, I'm so glad we got to have this time together, Ashley. I can't wait to talk with you until next time. And thanks for listening, everyone.