Holding the Line at Home: Healing, Growth, and Finding Your Identity Again

In this engaging conversation, Amanda and Chelsi discuss the unique challenges and joys of being a fire wife, the importance of community support, and the journey of personal growth. They share insights on navigating family dynamics, the significance of self-care, and the need to maintain one's identity beyond the roles of motherhood and partnership. The discussion also touches on the value of therapy, the importance of quality time with family, and the necessity of embracing change and new experiences. Through light-hearted moments and deeper reflections, they explore the balance of life and the importance of living fully. Chelsi created Hold the Line at Home, a podcast and fire family lifestyle site. 

Takeaways

• Chelsea is a fire wife and a full-time wedding photographer.
• She transitioned from a dental assistant to a photographer to have more flexibility with her kids.
• Homeownership comes with its challenges, especially with an older house.
• Creating community support is essential for fire families.
• Personal growth often comes from navigating difficult times.
• Spending quality time with family is a priority for Chelsea.
• Self-care is crucial for maintaining balance in life.
• Therapy has played a significant role in Chelsea's journey.
• It's important to maintain one's identity beyond being a fire wife.
• Embracing new experiences can lead to personal fulfillment.

Mentioned resources

Hold the Line at Home 

Transcript

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:01.092)
Hello, welcome to Fire Family Collective. I am Amanda and I am so excited. I get to chat with Chelsea today. How are you, Chelsea?

Chelsi (00:11.245)
Good?

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:12.762)
I'm so good. I always love our time together. One of my favorite memories is driving down to Long Beach to hang out with you when you were close in the area and I got to sit down, chat with you, give you a hug in person. Social media is great. Connecting virtually is amazing, but there's nothing like hugging someone in real life and sitting across the table and sharing a meal. So I'm so happy we're talking again virtually and I just, I can't wait to have the world.

hear more about Chelsea and all things life with you.

Chelsi (00:46.658)
Yeah, that was such a fun time. Yeah, and the food was good too.

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:51.482)
The food was so good. What did we get? Like a pastrami sandwich or something? I think I ate. I don't know. It was so good.

Chelsi (00:57.078)
I don't even remember it was something with a lot of cheese. That's all I remember and it was so good.

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:59.906)
Yeah. Yes. So good. It was it was like a massive sandwich too. It was like, how do I Yeah. Yes. then always like french fries. Gotta have some good greasy french fries. So good. Yeah. Awesome. Well, I don't you tell us a little bit about yourself. Who is Chelsea? Where are you at in this season of life?

Chelsi (01:07.438)
Yeah. Yes. It was great. It was like, I think this is a fork in a knife sandwich.

Chelsi (01:30.488)
So I am a fire wife. My husband works for State Fire Department. And I have three boys, so I'm a boy mom. They are ages 21, 17, and 16. And let's see, we live in Mendocino, California. I'm a full-time wedding photographer, which is really great because that means I don't have to be

a nine to five mom, I can be home when my kids are out of school and I kind of get to make my own schedule. Wasn't always like that. I was a dental assistant and office manager for a dental office for 20 years. And so I kind of transitioned out of that when my kids got into middle school. And so I'm, it's kind of new, but kind of not. So what else?

I've recently become a sourdough fanatic.

Ventura Fire Foundation (02:32.196)
I love sourdough. For about a year, I was making sourdough and doing the crazy like wake up at three to switch as I'm like learning the timing of everything and I've gotten out of it and my kids and my sister are like, can you bring that back?

Chelsi (02:48.174)
It's interesting, I have had some major flops, but I feel like I'm finally, I actually, during Christmas break when the kids were out of school and I didn't have to be anywhere, I actually made eight loaves to like get it, to get it right. Yeah, yeah, like one right after the next to learn how to shape it and all of that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:05.208)
amazing.

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:11.446)
Even if I made like the worst sourdough, it was still better than anything I could buy at the store. I was like, this, I totally messed it up, but it still tasted so good.

Chelsi (03:23.392)
yes yes so that's my new obsession let's see

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:27.288)
I love that you'll have to send me your perfect tips so that maybe it'll inspire me to get back into it.

Chelsi (03:33.31)
My husband and I went to San Francisco and spent an entire day at Boudin's just watching them shape bread and eating sourdough and it was just recently during Christmas time it was it was fantastic like hands down best experience ever.

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:45.109)
my gosh. Yes!

Chelsi (03:49.13)
So that's my big tip is like go somewhere where you can actually watch the chefs do it. Cause it's like, well that's not as hard as it makes it look online. So yeah, that's one of my big tips. But anyway, that's my newest obsession. I try to keep myself busy when my husband isn't here. He's gone four days a week. And basically that's it. We're just living life. have three dogs. I'm also a dog mom. You might hear them bark.

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:52.014)
That's such a good idea. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (03:58.788)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (04:15.77)
Three boys, three dogs. That's a lot.

Chelsi (04:18.294)
Yes, yes, yes. But we live on a really big piece of property so I can just send the dogs outside and they can run around. So not as big of a responsibility, but yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (04:29.038)
Yeah. And you recently remodeled your bathroom. I need to see an update. kind of have been off social media for the most part. So I missed the final product. I'm going to need to see a picture. How are you at?

Chelsi (04:39.97)
Yes, we love our new bathroom. It's not quite finished. There's some final details that we haven't really worked out, but for the most, like the bigger stuff is done. And now we're moving on to a deck redo, so.

Ventura Fire Foundation (04:52.672)
it's homeownership. It's always something. Yeah.

Chelsi (04:58.336)
It's always something, it always seems like it's when they're on duty. Something always breaks when they're on duty and I'm like, I don't know how to fix this.

Ventura Fire Foundation (05:03.16)
Mm-hmm.

Ventura Fire Foundation (05:07.29)
Oh, It's like the water heater goes out and you're with the kids at home and you're like, I have no hot water to bathe my kids and I live at the beach and we're full of sand and my kids, need to bathe them. Oh, the toilet decides to break and overflow down to the garage and you're on duty for countless days. That's great. Just, okay, here we go. It's always something. It's not just like a small little, you know, smoke alarm going off.

Chelsi (05:18.254)
Yes.

Chelsi (05:35.392)
No. No, it's the kitchen's flooded because the dishwasher's leaking or yeah, it's something insane. It can't just be like something I could like maybe tighten the nut or something. It's not.

Ventura Fire Foundation (05:40.504)
No. No.

Ventura Fire Foundation (05:46.356)
No. Yes. Yeah. Always.

Chelsi (05:50.382)
Yeah, always, always something. It's never ending. And home ownership is just like that, I think in general. There's always something, especially if you like, we bought a 1975 built A-frame, Redwood A-frame in the woods. And so it came with its quirks and it's, you know, we're slowly remodeling one room at a time. The bathroom was not on the top of the list until it was flooding into my lower bathroom. And so you just go with it, you know, just go.

Ventura Fire Foundation (05:55.544)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (06:19.448)
Yep. Yeah. I didn't know we were going to spend $12,000 that way, but here you go. Take all the money and

Chelsi (06:25.846)
Yeah, luckily we had already bought the stuff to do it. It was just like, we're gonna do it later because Cameron can do most of that work himself, which is really handy because we don't have to pay a contractor to do it. But that also comes with, you know, time and having the time off in order to do it. So it's just, yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (06:45.688)
Yes, I know it's so hard. You're like, do I pay someone to do it? Because then I get that time back with my firefighter or they're already gone anyways. Or if they're qualified and skilled to do it or yeah, like do they do it? It's kind of like a fun project we do together. He already has the time off. We have the materials. Yeah, it's always that dance of figuring out what are we going to hire out because I actually don't know how to pour cement, but I can do this other part of it. You know, the demo is easy. I can paint.

you know, figuring out those things.

Chelsi (07:15.98)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have none of those skills, so it's all him.

Ventura Fire Foundation (07:21.486)
same. Like I can pick out the color I can barely paint. But like, yeah, not doing any crazy art project. I can't make a mural or anything cutesy. I can buy wallpaper.

Chelsi (07:25.987)
Yeah.

Chelsi (07:38.648)
I don't even know if I could put wallpaper up. Like that's a whole skill in and of itself. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (07:42.264)
Yes, I know. gosh. then you also recently started your own fire support space as well. Can you tell us about that?

Chelsi (07:55.23)
I did, so it's called Home the Line at Home, my goodness. please. Hold the line at home. And my heart behind it was really to talk about the things that nobody's talking about that happen at home and how we all feel but we never really say. And to really give people language and support for.

what, you know, the homemakers.

You know, we're here with our kids. We're dealing with our own emotions. They have emotions. And especially when our firefighters are out for a very long time on the line or, you know, they're stuck on duty because of all of the lovely overtime that we have in California. So that was really my heart behind it. And it's been fantastic. I've met some really cool people through the podcast that I started in August. And yeah, just we're just plugging along.

Ventura Fire Foundation (08:55.81)
Yeah, it's so cool. One of my favorite things is the connection that we get from this online space. And like I said, when we started, like getting to hang out with you in person, incredible. Nothing beats that. However, there's less likely of a chance I would have met you without this online side of it. And that's why spaces like your page, Hold the Line at Home and Fire Family Collective, we can be introduced and make those initial connections and then dive deeper, however our relationship evolves.

and getting to meet people, like you said, have those conversations in your podcasts or even just in a quick Instagram post or something to spark, you know, the initial connection. It's so cool. And that's one of the things I am thankful for with technology and the evolution of it is that we get to bring those things forward and meet all these incredible people. It's so rad.

Chelsi (09:53.166)
Well, I feel like too, and I've talked about this on my own podcast, like that tribe, we've gotten so far away from it in society.

And I feel like with things like Fire Family Collective, we can kind of build it back up. And community is so important. I felt so alone for so long in my marriage and in the fire service. And it just, like I was grasping at straws to try to find someone who understood, even within the fire surface itself, it felt like nobody understood what I specifically was going through because nobody was brave enough to say. Right?

Ventura Fire Foundation (10:30.796)
Yes. And sometimes you're scared to talk about it with people in your own department. You want to kind of go outside of it to feel like you can't open up more.

Chelsi (10:32.176)
And so.

Chelsi (10:40.62)
Yeah, yep. And you know, the online space is great. I would love us to get together more often in person. I feel like there's also something to be said for that and it's wonderful to get to, like you said, somebody in person, share a meal, because I do believe that's very much a part of our culture as well as we like to sit down over a meal and talk and, you know, have a good time. And so.

Ventura Fire Foundation (10:48.484)
for sure.

Chelsi (11:06.188)
Yeah, I think creating online spaces and then opportunities to meet in person is kind of the heart behind what I'm doing. I'm just building it up right now. So it's not, I don't even know where it's going at this point, but yeah, but that's kind of.

Ventura Fire Foundation (11:17.252)
Right. Yeah. And you remind me, were you, was Cameron already hired for the fire department when you started dating him? No. Okay. So that's also another, you've been through so many different seasons as a human, as Chelsea, and then as Chelsea and Cameron and Chelsea and Cameron plus kids, right? Like, I think that that is something that is so incredible when we have these

online spaces that we can, like you said, feel less alone. Like we're gonna feel lonely at times, that's just nature. But to have this collective space we can all come to and have community and say like, I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I can relate because I remember what it was like to be Chelsea and working full time and to have a different identity than this version of Chelsea 22 years later with three kids and three dogs.

and my husband's career is in a different place and let's talk about it. Like I'm here for you. And that's just, can't put that into words. just, the feeling, it's just so incredible.

Chelsi (12:29.73)
Yeah, a lot of growing goes on over the course of our lifetime, And we grow together and we grow as individuals.

and we watch our children grow and those transformations are incredible. think a year ago is when we started kind of talk almost a year ago is when we kind of started talking and our family was in major crisis during that time. And the transformation of one of our kids through this last year has been an incredible experience to watch. And it's really taught me that we can go through things and we can feel

really lonely inside of that stuff but we are gonna come out a totally different person at the end of it and it also taught me that I really need to depend on myself a lot more and be confident in the things that I'm doing and so yeah.

and I guess a little bit more vocal about the things that we go through because somebody else has experienced it or is experiencing it too. And again, that community and the feeling of there's other people that feel this way or know what this feels like is an incredible thing. So, yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (13:31.065)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (13:45.56)
Yeah. You being bold and you being brave and having the courage to show up in this space that you do show up and to pour into Fire Family Collective the ways that you pour into Fire Family Collective and with your own department, those things, it gives other people that courage too to show up in their own ways. And it might be just in their own life, but that's huge because...

We don't know what people are going through behind closed doors and to know like secretly you might be helping these people like, okay, I saw Chelsea do this and she was so bold and I'm gonna be bold in my way as Amanda today. And you you're inspiring other people. It's so neat to know that your acts of courage do have a trickle effect outside of you and that impact you'll never truly know.

is really cool.

Chelsi (14:42.936)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (14:45.972)
And I'm curious. how has the shift been? Now your kids are way older. Like you said, you had a really hard year last year. a lot of people, there's that saying, right, you overestimate what you can do in 90 days and underestimate what you can do in a year. It's been almost a year from when we first chatted. How has the past year been besides starting?

hold the line at home and that wasn't even on your radar really a year ago. So what has this past year been for you?

Chelsi (15:18.007)
No.

Chelsi (15:22.414)
This cluster has been quiet, actually, despite starting to hold the lion at home. We've just kind of tried to make the nuclear family a little bit more nuclear, for lack of a better term. And we've just really been spending most of our time together.

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:24.601)
Okay.

Chelsi (15:41.39)
and just doing the things that we wanted to do and spending, you know, as much quality time as we can. Most of that for half of the part of the year was by necessity, but then it just became the habit. And so, you know, we're doing our house projects where, you know, cooking the meals we want to cook or learning to bake sourdough. My son that was in crisis in February last year started gardening and he is now in charge of the entire garden.

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:55.247)
Yeah.

Chelsi (16:11.504)
and is his whole senior project. He's making a gosh what a closed loop garden. So he's composting and so we have our own very rich compost and like this beautiful garden outside. I have lettuce growing in the middle of the winter. I mean it's fantastic.

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:29.612)
It sounds like you're going to have an incredible meal with the homemade sourdough and whatever herbs and vegetables and things he's able to grow. That's so cool.

Chelsi (16:38.114)
The only thing I need to do is add chickens, but I'm terrified of them, so I can't do it.

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:40.25)
Yes, have some farm fresh eggs every day or you said more like woods wood fresh eggs every day

Chelsi (16:49.134)
I mean it's kind of like a farm out there. So yeah we're just doing the things that we want to do and doing them as a family and you know and we can we can be without people other people that's great but you know it's just we're spending this time really reconnecting as a family because for so long I think we were disconnected.

And it just happens, unfortunately. Like we didn't know going into Cameron's, or I didn't know going into Cameron's career, how disjointed we got over time. And so...

Ventura Fire Foundation (17:12.953)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (17:24.61)
Yeah, it slowly starts to unravel, I think. He says yes to this and then it impacts that and then you're still having your own life and so you're saying yes to this and it impacts that. It just, all the little things.

Chelsi (17:29.325)
Yeah.

Chelsi (17:41.324)
And it was pretty far gone before it couldn't be anymore, you know, so without getting into too many details. But yeah, so we've just been trying to spend as much time as we can as a family and working through some stuff. And I really didn't see myself here a year ago. When you're in the thick of it, you just feel like so hopeless. But yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (18:03.554)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (18:07.236)
And it sounds like from something very hard, like a lot of beauty has bloomed and you leaned into it. You're like, actually, this is what we didn't know we needed. And now, like you said, when you're like a pit of despair, how are we climbing our way out of this to this actually, we didn't know we needed this.

Chelsi (18:29.932)
Yeah, I mean, obviously a lot of therapy went into all of that over the last year. So let's give credit where credit is due. We had some wonderful people along the way. so, yeah, know, when you're going through something like that and you don't feel like you can do it yourself, there is help out there and there is hope. That's.

Ventura Fire Foundation (18:34.766)
Yeah, for sure.

Ventura Fire Foundation (18:49.346)
Yeah, I think, again, being bold and sharing that, like, we do utilize therapy and we do feel that it has supported our marriage or our relationship with our kid or my relationship with myself. I needed that. And just letting people know, like, it's not a secret and this is a tool that is out there to support us. And I'm not ashamed of it. And I can shout from the rooftops how beneficial this is. And

I hope that if that's something that you feel like you need in your life, you seek it out. And if you need resources, we've got lots of recommendations. So please, yes, there's so many of us in this space that can be supportive guides to assist. So if anyone is listening to this, we're not medical professionals, we're not providing medical advice, but we are here to help guide you to any resources. So please reach out and know that.

Chelsi (19:27.284)
yeah, so many.

Ventura Fire Foundation (19:48.089)
We are fully supportive of that and that avenue, if that's something you need. And I think something else like you mentioned with really focusing on your nuclear family that you're good at, and I love seeing, you take the trip for the random, let's go to sourdough date with Cameron. You take the trip for the concert and get home at two in the morning and you're really freaking tired, but you're so glad you did it. And you go to Palm Springs and that's like a big family tradition for you.

Chelsi (20:11.288)
Yes.

Ventura Fire Foundation (20:15.628)
You did a Disneyland trip with all your older boys and they're super into it. All those things stack up and they're adding value and pouring back into your family unit. then how all of your family, your boys, Cameron, you are out in the world because you did all those things to recharge and reconnect and fill your cups and shine so brightly at home and authentically who you are in your family.

and then you go back out in the world and pour into others. You can see it.

Chelsi (20:49.826)
Yeah, I'm incredibly proud of my kids actually. Incredibly proud of them. Yes, yes. I mean, of course, like they're my kids, so I'm incredibly proud of them. But we hear from the community that they are exactly doing that, pouring out into other people. And it's fantastic to see. It makes me feel like, okay, we must have done something right. We didn't do it all right, but we did something right. So.

Ventura Fire Foundation (20:52.908)
Yeah, right? Yes, humbuckers, I love it.

Ventura Fire Foundation (21:14.873)
Yeah. And we're going to have bumps along the road and be like, well, could have done that differently. But here we are.

Chelsi (21:24.066)
Hindsight's 2020, man. That's so true. Like, it's so cliche, but it's so true.

Ventura Fire Foundation (21:27.642)
It's so true. Like, man, now I know that. And can I go back?

Chelsi (21:35.928)
Yeah, yeah, right, right, no. I don't wanna go back, thank you. I'd rather not relive that part of my life.

Feet forward. Feet are pointed forward because that's the direction we're going, right? So just keep moving forward.

Ventura Fire Foundation (21:48.994)
Yes. Yes. Okay, so is your middle son is he in his junior or senior year now? Okay, that's we said senior project. Okay, so you have one in college, one that is a senior and then is the youngest? What grade is? Okay. What is that like? Because my kids are six and almost five, you're in a completely different, you know, end of parenting than I am.

Chelsi (21:57.218)
He's in his senior year. He graduates in June.

Chelsi (22:07.448)
He's a sophomore.

Chelsi (22:19.98)
I would say it's like having toddlers that are older, if we're being honest. It's a different kind of hard, but it's hard nonetheless. But you know, I gotta say, like my kids are really growing into wonderful human beings and they're really helpful. But keeping all the balls in the air and the pieces kind of together as a puzzle is challenging.

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:23.074)
Okay?

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:44.26)
Yeah.

Chelsi (22:46.358)
So yes, they are less dependent on me, but they're still here and I'm still responsible for them. And I still, it's still a lot to do on your own. definitely, I feel like I'm a little bit more free, but I'm still chained to the kids.

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:55.81)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:06.53)
Yes. So is the senior like driving the sophomores almost driving?

Chelsi (23:11.566)
Nobody's driving. The senior decided not to get his driver's license until he's 18. So in April, hopefully he will be driving. We just got his truck working and running. So we're really excited about that. And then the sixth, the 15th, he's actually not 16, he'll be 16 in June. So 15 and a half.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:13.187)
Okay.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:27.673)
Yeah.

Chelsi (23:36.098)
He will not be, he hasn't even gotten his permit yet. So I don't know, he won't be probably driving until next school year. Which I mean, we live in a really small town, so it's not like they have to drive. It's just a lot of driving for me back and forth.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:43.021)
Okay.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:52.867)
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm curious about that phase of like the terrifying my kid is out in the world like driving.

Chelsi (24:03.884)
Yeah, well having a kid in college driving is terrifying all by itself.

Ventura Fire Foundation (24:09.38)
Yeah.

Chelsi (24:09.646)
because I have no control over his driving and I have no control over what he does in college. And so that's an adjustment that you have to make when you're becoming an empty nester. It's a really weird, I had somebody tell me when my oldest was a senior in high school, it's a really weird feeling because you're so excited that they've come to this place, that you've gotten this far, that you've run the race and you're at the finish line.

Ventura Fire Foundation (24:21.731)
Yeah.

Chelsi (24:40.239)
but you don't want to let him go. You just want to hold on to him forever. So it's this really weird dynamic feeling. Like I'm elated that we got to graduation and he's gonna graduate, but I'm sad because he's leaving kind of thing. And so it's a lot of emotions this year. I mean, I just did my senior portraits for our...

Ventura Fire Foundation (24:56.246)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (25:01.667)
I'm done.

Chelsi (25:06.702)
17 year old and it was fantastic. It was fun to do with them, but it was also kind of like, it's happening.

Ventura Fire Foundation (25:16.218)
Yeah, it's very bittersweet reality like

Chelsi (25:18.936)
Very bittersweet reality. So it's a weird place to be as a parent. Teenage years are hard, they're hard. You've got hormones and attitudes and you're trying to shape these little humans into grown adults and they're not ready and you're not ready. It's this like push me, pull you kind of emotion. And so that's where we're at. It's great, but it's like you said, bittersweet.

Ventura Fire Foundation (25:25.582)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (25:40.814)
Yeah.

Yeah. And all of that is a lot to navigate, regardless of what your personal career is, your family life, your spouse's family life. But then you add in a, you know, 20 year firefighter life and the different roles that Cameron has had and how often he's gone and all of that. And I can't imagine those moments where you're like,

You're not coming home for another three days and how am I gonna manage, you know?

Chelsi (26:17.782)
Yeah, I in the beginning that was really tough. Now I'm like, you're going to be gone for another three days. Whatever.

Ventura Fire Foundation (26:24.14)
Okay. Yeah.

Chelsi (26:25.496)
Great, you're gone for three days. My stuff doesn't change. We are so into our routines at this point that him being here is a bonus rather than me looking at it like, gosh, you're gonna be gone for another three days. I hate the schedule. The schedule is what the schedule is. There's nothing we're gonna do to change it.

Ventura Fire Foundation (26:36.954)
Yes.

Chelsi (26:48.992)
Unfortunately, that's just life. And so we just have to do the things that we're going to do and plan for him to be, I plan for him to be gone. don't even plan for him to be here.

Ventura Fire Foundation (27:00.802)
Yeah, that's pretty much what I do. I'm like, my husband be like, you know, can I sign up for these days? He's like looking ahead to the calendar. And like, I literally expect you to be gone every single day. If there's something that I need childcare for, I will reach out to a friend or a babysitter depending on what time it is, or they're just coming with me. Like, our life doesn't change. Because I've had to do that. It's just the reality of our dynamic. And we don't have family that lives close by. So

If it is something that's like a longer thing, I have to plan ahead and like reach out to my cousin and either drive my kids an hour and a half to her house or my sister, like who's two hours away, like, okay, I need someone overnight. Can you please a month and a head, you know, like do this as otherwise like they're with me. It's just, that's my reality. And the solo parenting aspect is just, it is what it is.

Chelsi (27:43.8)
Yeah.

Chelsi (27:55.532)
It is what it is. I mean, it's tough when they're little because they're so dependent on you. Like you're in the thick of it right now. I remember being in the thick of it and feeling, I was really resentful, not gonna lie. It was like, well, he gets to be out doing his thing with his career and it's taking priority over mine. And gosh, the kids are sick today and I have to stay home from work. Why does it always have to be me? And I was in that for a really long time, not gonna lie.

But now I look at it as if I'm privileged to get to stay home with my children. It changed from an I have to to an I want to or I get to. And so I don't get as, I mean, I have my moments when he calls and he's like, I can't come home. And I'm like, errrr. We had plans, whatever. But that's a really quick thing and I get over it really fast now, whereas I would have wallowed in it many years ago. And so I think that,

That's part of the growth that we were talking about earlier, right? Like we've grown together and I've had to look inside myself and say, I'm being a miserable human being because I am being resentful. And I let that resentment sit for way too long. yeah, so I think it's a mindset shift, really.

Ventura Fire Foundation (29:14.917)
for sure. One of the veteran firewives here, she really challenged me with that mindset talk when we first moved here and John had lateral and the kids were, you know, two and one and I was like just drowning like, and she said like, you need to put on a different pair of glasses and see the perspective differently. And I was just like shook and

That is one of those defining moments I remember. And the same thing with Ashley Iverson meeting her for the first time. And I love her. I know I totally have a girl crush on her. I told her that I was like, you're my best friend and you don't know and I probably sound like a crazy stalker person right now. I was so nervous to come here but I'm we're friends. But hearing is hearing her speak again, it was one of those moments.

Chelsi (29:53.77)
gosh, I love Ashley.

Chelsi (30:07.401)
Whether you like it or not, we're gonna be friends.

Ventura Fire Foundation (30:14.305)
And she said it like jilted like I was jilted. And I am like, my gosh, I'm having this pity party for me in my head of how hard my life is. Her husband did not come home. And again, like not a therapist. I'm not a medical professional. I don't know the psychology of this. probably not healthy. But hearing

this veteran fire wife and Ashley Iverson speaking and just you know, she's pregnant. She already has a toddler her husband's never coming home. I'm like, I can figure my shit out. Like, I, I can figure my shit out. Just like you said, Chelsea, like, I needed to make this change. I needed to step up and change things. I was not doing that. I did not have that mindset. I did not have that perspective. It was the whole like

Woe is me, the world is hard. Why is this happening to me? When there were things that I could change to make myself feel better, to make my life better, to impact our family, know, these kids that I'm responsible for raising and guiding and my relationship with my husband, friends, no one, I get, no one wanted to hang out with me. I was not in a good place to be a friend. Like, obviously now looking back,

And it's taken me years. Like this was not an overnight shift and this

Chelsi (31:38.494)
No, not at all. Like mine wasn't either, trust me. It wasn't like one day I was, you know, wallowing and the next day I was fine. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Ventura Fire Foundation (31:44.667)
Right, right. And I think, so I met Ashley in 2022. And then it took until 2024 to like really make a big shift in pouring into myself. And then last year in 2025, like talking with you, seeing you live your life so, just like living, you know, like.

Felt like I was missing that like I had done a lot of things to change for myself and our family but I still felt kind of like I was trapped in this like gilded cage and Our life is very beautiful, but I was like I am NOT living for Amanda and I need to start doing things for me and that's when I started like Reaching out to my cousin and being like can I drive my kids to your house so I can go do something for me? Because I

I'm not doing anything for Amanda. I'm doing all these things as a fire wife. I'm doing all these things as a mom, a homeschool mom. I'm finally like moving my body, but like, need friends. I need to go do the world. And to have that kind of realization, it took a while, but slowly I'm building and I really feel like I'm living life in a different way than like before. Like the fire department happened to me and I let it...

me that way and having that resentment like you said of like I didn't sign up for this and I'm really mad like okay well what can I change that I don't feel like it is controlling my life it's a beautiful part of my life I love it but it's a part of my life I am not just singularly a fire wife and that is my whole life revolution and my kids have to tote on that schedule as well like no we're multifaceted and our life is very

dynamic.

Chelsi (33:39.199)
and nuanced and all of the things and we do, we need to do things for ourselves and we need to go out and we need to live and gosh, aren't we boring people if we don't? Let's not be boring. And what are we teaching our kids if we just sit at home and wallow in our garbage? Like we don't want our kids to live like that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (33:50.755)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (34:00.162)
Yeah.

Chelsi (34:00.494)
You know, I want my kids to live. want them to have fun. want them to enjoy life and experience things. And that's always been part of why we travel and why we get out of the house and why we go do things. But it's also that that's child. I want their childhood to be fun and exciting. And you know, they have some great memories. And a lot of the times I toed it all down to the beach by myself. you know, and I sat there and fixed my attitude because I was

upset, but they were having fun.

Ventura Fire Foundation (34:31.45)
For sure. Any nature reset recharge like I always say that like let nature take it away show up there. You know, breathe in that fresh air, the trees the beach wherever it is for your mountain see like just it let it be that medicine.

Chelsi (34:51.448)
Yeah, yeah, they would play in the river and I'd sit on the blanket on the beach and just sit there and just be like, okay, I'm gonna make it through this. I'm gonna make it through this. at that time, my husband was out fighting fires for, you know, 30 days straight and there was no break at home. So what are you gonna do? I'm like, I'm just gonna pack them up, take them to the beach. was my solution to that problem at the time. So.

Ventura Fire Foundation (35:05.58)
Bye.

Ventura Fire Foundation (35:15.289)
And those are those moments when it's nice to have like the Fire Family Collective and hold the line at home where you can say like, hey, Chelsea, I'm having a really hard time. Can I talk to you? Because I just need to feel seen and I know you're a safe space and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next five minutes. And then, you know, your friend calls you and says like, I'm here for you. Let's, let me hear it.

You know, I can't fix whatever you're going through, but I'm going to hold your hand through it and give you a virtual hug. Or if they're close enough, like I'm going to talk to you now and I'm going to see you in two days. I'm going to come over and we'll take the kids for a walk, put them in the stroller and we're going to talk, you know, like to have that community aspect of it. Like you said, so you don't feel so alone when we get trapped in our head.

Chelsi (36:07.362)
Right, yeah, exactly. We do get trapped in our head. And I think that the other thing that I added was the 30 minute walk every day to get out of your head, right? You're doing, I think you're doing some kind of exercise program with Peloton, right? Did I see a Peloton bike is coming?

Ventura Fire Foundation (36:22.091)
Yeah. Yes, I love my Peloton. I will scream that from the rooftops for sure that I like as a new mom, we got a Peloton COVID happened, we couldn't go to our gym. And I was very sad, just new mom, everything was already changing. And then you take away this community that felt like my part of my identity.

and being able to have it again virtually was something better than nothing. And I cannot imagine going through newborn mom without having a Peloton.

Chelsi (36:57.708)
I can't imagine being having newborns in during a pandemic. Like I can't even, I had teenagers and that was bad enough, know, like newborns.

Ventura Fire Foundation (37:07.672)
Yeah, I think every phase is hard. think for me as like a new mom, it was hard because I hadn't really established like a new mom group. And it was just even more isolating because you're grasping at straws to try to navigate this new season. And everything's taken away from you. And it was it was pretty devastating. I had really bad postpartum anxiety, really bad postpartum depression, like I probably could have benefited from some type of

inpatient support, to be honest, and we're on the different side of it, but it was very rough on me and I know it affected our son, it affected our marriage, my friendships, it was rough. And so again, now, yeah, I'm in a totally different season, I'm back to pouring into myself and movement in ways that fill me up and I...

did a 5k like who am I? I'm not a runner. 5k. I randomly brought it up to another fire wife and she was like, you can do it buddy. Like I'll do it with you. Yeah. And that's a whole other thing. Just again, having this fire family collective, this these groups of people that show up for you. had no idea. So Annie trained with me and did like, I'm not a runner. I am not a runner. John did cross country.

Chelsi (38:33.432)
I only run if there's a bear chasing me, so there will never be a 5k in my future, ever.

Ventura Fire Foundation (38:35.426)
Yeah. Yes. And that was me. Like I am never a runner. I am not running. And I don't know. I just got some weird niggle and Annie was like, let's do it buddy. And she's done marathons. And to have someone else believe in you when you don't necessarily see it for yourself yet. You're just curious. And then the day of the 5k three other firewives drove down with signs and were like cheering us on.

I was beside myself in tears and you just, this found family from the fire family is just incredible. It's this whole other aspect that you can't put words to. And I just signed up for now a 5k, 10k combo. And I am like, who's going to do it with me? Or if you're not going to do it, like do something else that's challenging for you. And like you said, doing your 30 minute walks, like

I have some of the most cathartic cry journal sessions when I'm on my treadmill either walking or running. just, I don't know what it does. It's different processing for me. And I listen to like my rage music or like my booty bouncers music. I just like get after it and I'm not doing anything crazy like two or three miles. Like I have no ambition to run a full marathon or even a half marathon, but.

Chelsi (40:05.15)
that'll change. You're a 5k-er now, so,

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:09.225)
Thanks. Well, maybe I need to find one near Mendocino so I can come visit you and

Chelsi (40:15.48)
We have a really cool one here on the coast. I'll send you some links to different things after we get done. But yeah, there's some really cool ones here.

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:19.929)
See you.

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:25.015)
Yeah, I just, I think, yeah, it's just unlocked like a new thing. Like we said, just like living in a different way. I'm listening to music and going to concerts and making new friends. And I want to sign up for a ceramics class and just, yeah, like, I don't know why not. I don't want to not try, you know, I want to live life.

Chelsi (40:40.685)
Ooh, that'll be fun.

Chelsi (40:50.87)
Yeah, and that's it. That's all it is. It's just live life. You don't have to... I feel like we have a really... How do I say this without sounding mean? See, this is my problem is that I will just say things and then I will feel like they were really mean. So I'm learning to use a filter.

Ventura Fire Foundation (41:13.562)
or just say it differently. Like my husband always and my sister, they're always like, I this is what I said, like I'm sandpaper. I don't always like say things very eloquently. But I get my point across. And I'm not trying to be malicious. It just isn't always like beautifully wrapped in a package. But you got what I was saying.

Chelsi (41:32.288)
Right? Yeah, my husband calls me sandpaper too. That's kind of funny that you said that. I'm more like a firecracker. I think that we...

Ventura Fire Foundation (41:40.941)
Your warning label, Chelsea's warning label is firecracker.

Chelsi (41:44.622)
All right, I'm trying to figure out how to make that into a tattoo actually. Yeah. Gosh, how am gonna say this? So I think that we have, it can be, hmm.

Ventura Fire Foundation (41:48.736)
I love that.

Chelsi (42:00.556)
I think that if we're not careful and we don't pay attention, that we can make being a fire wife our entire identity.

Ventura Fire Foundation (42:11.713)
Yeah, and that could be for any role, military spouse, like, whatever, right? Yeah. And maybe

Chelsi (42:15.81)
Yeah, we can make that our entire identity and it's not like this thing that happens overnight. It's this thing that gradually happens over time. well I'm not gonna go take the kids to the zoo because my husband has to work. I'm not gonna go to that book club that I wanted to be part of because I have to be home with the kids. I'm not gonna do the exercise boot camp that I want to so that I can be healthy because I can't find childcare for my kids.

If we do that over time, those little, those little, God, they're not sacrifices that we make. What are they?

Ventura Fire Foundation (42:46.029)
Mm-hmm.

Chelsi (42:57.006)
Compromises, that's the word I'm looking for. Those little compromises that we make with ourself over time causes us to become the fire wife and that's all we are. Or just mom, or just the photographer or whatever. same thing with my business. I could become just that's all I do all the time or I can put it away for a little while and do something else.

Ventura Fire Foundation (43:10.785)
and so resentful.

Chelsi (43:26.51)
And so I think it's a really fine line and a really, it's a balance act, you know? But I think that's what I wanted to say. If we compromise too much, it can become our whole identity and then what? What happens when they retire? Then what?

Ventura Fire Foundation (43:41.421)
Yeah.

Yeah, I definitely feel like I was letting that happen. Like stay at home mom became my identity and shifting a lot of my personality because of the fears of my husband being a public, you know, servant employee and kind of having to make myself shrink and be small because I was afraid that I would do or say something that would get him in trouble with his career. And I just really slowly compromised, compromised, compromised until it was like, there's nothing of Amanda left.

It's just this human filling this role as mom and partner. All the pieces of me are gone. And how do I reconstruct myself, but also form something new because I'm not the same person. So I think having people like you, like I said, step into these bold spaces and show us ways to do it and have these other veteran firewives I can reach out to and say,

anything like I need to get out of Ventura and take my kids to do something fun. Can we please spend time with you and go to Santa Clarita and have a great fun day and just be around someone who's uplifting me and my kids and we're laughing and everything else is paused, you know, for part of a day.

Chelsi (45:05.122)
Yeah, that's one of our things that we've always done is go to Palm Springs every year. And especially when we are having those moments of crisis, like February, we were planning the Palm Springs for October because we knew that we needed as a family to go do that. And it's getting out of your house. It's getting out of the place that you always are. It's getting away from work.

You know, no, nobody takes their cell phone to the pool. we go to Palm Springs, like everybody leaves their phones at home in the condo. you know, and we just spend time as a family. The kids literally played poker with my parents almost the entire time that we were in Palm Springs, you know, and, more than recent, more recently we've been having our parents come with us. So it's not just our family, it's our extended family. and you know, but it doesn't even have to be that it can just be.

Ventura Fire Foundation (45:45.601)
I love that. Yes.

Ventura Fire Foundation (45:53.273)
Cool.

Chelsi (45:59.12)
you know, some days we're gonna go to the beach together or we're gonna cook a meal together or

something really simple, but just to get away from that work environment and reconnect as a family. And then for ourselves, like I am not afraid to leave my kids at home and go just do something that I want to do. Like you said, taking a ceramics class or go getting a cup of coffee even, you know, and or going for a walk or, you know, it doesn't have to be extravagant.

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:20.045)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:31.864)
Yeah.

Chelsi (46:33.522)
And also my husband and I have a rule that every two to three months I get to go all by myself somewhere and he's responsible for the kids so that I can, yeah, yeah, so that I can figure out who Chelsea is outside of this, right? We all need that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:52.409)
Yeah. Yeah. I went on my first sister's trip in 2024 and it was so eye opening how much the kids needed that time with their dad and to see and appreciate mommy and all mommy does and for my husband to connect with the kids in that way. And even now with him being home a few days from having surgery and he's like,

I just, you're doing so much. And I'm like, this is the same stuff I've always done now with the added element of the additional caretaking he's needed. But it's nice, like you said, to physically leave that and have that time where you're finding you as a human and they're figuring it out and like just leave everything here.

Chelsi (47:46.862)
Well, it makes them appreciate you more, I think, and vice versa. We appreciate them so much because they're gone so much. And so when the tables turn a little bit, they're like, this is what you have to deal with when I'm not here. Yes, this is what I deal with every single week. And it's not like, and it's not.

Ventura Fire Foundation (47:55.031)
Right.

Ventura Fire Foundation (48:06.585)
It makes sense.

Chelsi (48:10.112)
you know, monumental things. It's everyday things. gosh, there's dishes to do and laundry to do and kids to take places and wow, my schedule is interrupted five times today because I had to drive back and forth to the high school, whatever, you know. And he's like, this is what you do every day. And I'm like, yeah, this is what I tell you. Like I got no work done today because I had to be with the kids, like driving them everywhere. I was really meaning that. Like it was true. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (48:24.088)
Yes.

Ventura Fire Foundation (48:35.671)
Yeah, the commute time is crazy. And the more kids and the more activities and yeah, the the factor of missing each other, right? Like they always miss dad, but there's not a lot of time to miss mom. So how that is really nice. Like I missed you mommy. Like, my heart.

Chelsi (48:56.086)
Yes, yes, it's always nice to be beloved and missed when we're not here.

Alright, what else?

Ventura Fire Foundation (49:04.442)
Well, I don't have anything else I can ask you silly, another silly question. If there's anything else you wanted to chat about, I feel like we talked about a lot of great things and I'm really grateful that you are creating the space with Hold the Line at Home and that you're part of our Fire Family Collective and we're all in the beginning phases of building this and connecting with people. So it's super fun to see where it is now and where it's going.

Chelsi (49:32.814)
I'm actually super excited about it. I think it's gonna be really really really good.

Ventura Fire Foundation (49:38.785)
Yeah. Okay, let's do a silly question. Let's see. What is a random fact about you that always surprises people?

Chelsi (49:52.907)
I'm an April Fool's baby.

Ventura Fire Foundation (49:55.126)
really? That is really cool.

Chelsi (49:57.652)
Yes.

high people think that that's so fantastic, but I am a May April Fool's baby.

Ventura Fire Foundation (50:04.525)
is that is so cool. I love it. I don't know if I've ever met anyone else born on April fools. Okay, cool. Okay, let's see one more. let's see. if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Chelsi (50:24.558)
It's a really hard one, I can never answer this question.

Ventura Fire Foundation (50:26.457)
You

Chelsi (50:35.566)
I think flying because I would just love to be able to just, know, hop up in the air and fly to wherever I want to be. Not have to book a flight.

Ventura Fire Foundation (50:38.966)
Yes.

Ventura Fire Foundation (50:45.441)
Yeah, it's like putting your hand and you just let it all go. Yeah, you can fly anywhere like I'm just I'm gonna go to Belize. So

Chelsi (50:53.954)
Yes. Yeah. Yep. I think that's mine. So I can just go over where I want. Not have to book a flight to get there.

Ventura Fire Foundation (50:59.873)
I love that. Yes, I love that. Cool. All right. Well, it was really great chatting with you. Thanks for hanging out with us, Chelsea. And we're excited to have you in the Fire Family Collective. And have a beautiful day.

Chelsi (51:13.944)
Thank you for having me.

Ventura Fire Foundation (51:15.866)
All right, I'm stop the recording.