Juggling Shifts and Family Life

In this conversation, Erin Reed shares her experiences as a fire spouse, discussing the challenges and joys of balancing family life with the demands of a firefighter's schedule. She emphasizes the importance of community, communication, and support within the fire family, as well as the need for flexibility and resilience in navigating the unpredictability of their lives. The discussion also touches on the impact of special task forces, the role of technology in maintaining connections, and the significance of celebrating milestones together.

Takeaways

• Erin has been a fire spouse for 13 years, navigating the challenges of family life.
• Finding community in the Fire Family Collective has been essential for support.
• Balancing work and family requires flexibility and understanding.
• Communication is key in managing expectations and schedules.
• The unpredictability of a firefighter's schedule can be challenging for families.
• Special task forces add another layer of complexity to family life.
• Celebrating milestones helps strengthen family bonds.
• Technology plays a crucial role in maintaining connections with loved ones.
• Resilience is necessary for coping with the demands of being a fire spouse.
• The fire family community provides invaluable support and understanding. 

Transcript

All right. Welcome back to the fire family collective podcast. I am Amanda and I am so excited to be chatting today with Aaron. How you doing, Aaron?

Erin Reed (04:38.158)
All good.

Erin Reed (04:43.746)
Okay, that's great.

Erin Reed (04:54.998)
I'm so good, how are you?

Ventura Fire Foundation (04:57.045)
I'm really good. can't wait to hear more about you and your fire family experience and how you found the collective. So let's hear that. What? Tell me about yourself.

Erin Reed (05:08.365)
Yeah, my name is Erin Reed, like you said, fire wife now. And to think about this last night, I guess going on we're into our 13th year for him being a career firefighter. But prior to that, my husband was also a volunteer firefighter for many years, alongside his, I what we'll call previous career. So in that time, we got married, we can talk about that in a bit because he

got his acceptance letter right before our wedding. So our first year of marriage was in Academy. And then since then, we've got two boys, they are 10 and almost eight, very active, busy, lots of activities and sports. in that uber season of life, I call it as a parent. And I also work full time. I have a pretty demanding career as well, which I think is

it's feeling like a bit unique that you have to, know, parents working in this, you know, similar capacity in terms of time. And that's kind of why I started searching out resources and, you know, other fire partners or spouses, because I'm finding our situation to be pretty unique. So anyway, that's kind how I found the collective actually found it through.

Chelsea, who I know does a lot here, you know, and has her own thing going as well. So I've been connected to her for a few years now. So I was happy to find this space.

Ventura Fire Foundation (06:40.619)
I'm actually, yeah, I'm actually talking to Chelsea next. So that's awesome. So you work full time, you have two babies, you found the collective a few months ago, and you're finding that it's bringing you that connection that you're wanting, which is awesome. And did you say you also homeschool? Do I remember that? No. Okay. How do you do that?

Erin Reed (06:44.468)
that's great.

Erin Reed (07:03.636)
No, goodness, no. No, our kids, our kids go to school. There's no no, that would be impossible.

Ventura Fire Foundation (07:09.835)
Okay. And the I can relate my kids are much younger, almost five and six. And I'm in that phase started last year, like driving them to all these places. And I just constantly am saying, how do people do this with with jobs with their partner in the, you know, emergency medicine, there's no way unless you have support and other people who can help pitch in because some of these things they're like, at three o'clock.

Like who ends their work day that early to be able to take their kids to these things? And it's like four days a week. And then you have multiple kids and you're like, how do I do multiple kids, multiple places and have a job? I, yes. I, yeah.

Erin Reed (07:45.154)
Yep, I live that life.

Erin Reed (07:53.709)
Yep.

It's one big juggling act at all times, I'd say. Or it's a puzzle, I say that too. We're continually moving pieces around. My kids actually have that right now. They both are very into basketball. It's that time of year. And they both have basketball four days a week. And it starts at four o'clock.

which also not great for the work schedule. A couple things that work for me, I am very thankful that I can generally work remotely. So I'm in the office a day or so a week. It's completely flexible, which I know not everyone has that ability. So that's been a blessing. And I just flex my day as I need to.

You know, I block myself out from meetings for the most part or where I'm not leading the meeting because I can't really lead a meeting from the car You know that sort of thing, but sometimes I mean my kids are very used to listening to topics. They are wildly uninterested in Or I'm getting them to practice and I'm in the hallway on a computer at times It's a little messy and chaotic but you know, I don't want

our burden of our careers to be their burden. And I want them to be able to do, you know, the things that they love to a point, you know, we have a limit. You each can't sign up for three or four activities a season. We don't have that capacity. But, you know, making sure we're prioritizing, you know, their main sport or main activity where we can and, know, knowing it's a season, right? Basketball ends at the beginning of March. It's not it's not like this.

Erin Reed (09:42.574)
52 weeks a year.

Ventura Fire Foundation (09:44.213)
Right, you want to have the opportunity for them to explore their interests and navigate it within the context that works with your family and your capacity. yeah, it's sometimes it's hard because yeah, they're like, well, I want to try this and I want to try that. And you're like, there's only one mommy and I can't be in two places at once. So.

Erin Reed (09:52.398)
Yeah.

Erin Reed (10:01.804)
Yep.

Right. It's a little, you know, it's a give and take. It's like, if you want to try that, here's what we may have to give up or, you know, trying to give them options that aren't just let's dive in and commit for the next three months or whatever it is. But basketball seems to be sticking for both of them, which, you know, is fun. And, you know, they've got, you know, we've got chess club after school. Like, that's great. But just know, you know, now you're going to go from this to the next thing to the next thing. And

You know, we talk about that and you know, on day I'm solo today as an example in this afternoon, I actually take both kids to the same practice because I can't get them to different places at the same time. So I talked to the coach, my younger one goes to the older practice on to the days that you know, my husband's on shift because obviously it's physically possible to get them both. You know,

Ventura Fire Foundation (11:02.787)
And that's nice when you have like coaches who are understanding. had the same or similar conversation with my son's baseball coach last season. I was like, it's just me. My husband's gone all the time. And so there's going to be days like he just misses because I can't, I can't do it all. So he was super understanding and we had him for two seasons and it was fantastic. And I'm just really grateful. Like people get it, you know, and they don't like punish my kid for that. So

Erin Reed (11:30.307)
I think if we're upfront, I've that's I think what I've been much better at. think, you know, maybe it's age or experience in this life now is just like I kind of unapologetic now and like just asking for what I need and explaining why. And. You know, no one's really pushed back on that yet. I'm sure at some point it will happen like, no, I really need them here or you need to be there. And you know, I have those times with work.

but it's if I'm looking ahead and communicating it, hopefully I can find help maybe through one of my parents or my husband's parents, which both help here and there. I would say they're not consistent by any means, not because they don't want to, but we want them to have lives too. They're grandparents. They're not our full-time care support by any means.

Um, but you know, I'll adjust like, Hey, can somebody hold over for you for an hour so I can, you know, get out the door or whatever, any chance somebody can come in an hour early? Like, you know, I try to use those asks sparingly because, but at the same time, my husband's really good about offering, you know, other people in his station, like, Hey, I've got a jet, you know, my wife has this or a kiddo has that, you know, he'll offer when he can to, do that coverage. So, um,

Ventura Fire Foundation (12:54.243)
It's nice when you have that aspect of fire family where you know that the department, the guys, the crews take care of each other and see that need and support each other that way. It's that give and take and that they foster that type of camaraderie. It's nice when you have a department that's like that or a crew.

Erin Reed (12:57.439)
Yes.

Erin Reed (13:13.805)
Yes, yes, yes. He works with some great people. And a lot of them are in that same season or were. And so it's like, I totally understand. Happy to do it. You know, that type of thing.

Ventura Fire Foundation (13:25.321)
Yeah. Did you want to share a little bit more about your husband's like fire department and like you said his first year and your new marriage? Like how how was that?

Erin Reed (13:37.582)
It was it was something it was a time. So we got married in December of 2013 and at the time obviously we both worked full-time then and we both coached sports and so honestly we we kind of were used to that life already it's like well I'll see you at 9 p.m. or whatever you know depending on what part of the season we were each in so we

our wedding for December because it was a break from what we were coaching, which is kind of funny to think about now, but it worked and it was easy for family and friends. But we got his acceptance letter that fall, so we knew like second week of January he was going into the Academy and the department he's with, Academy is a year long. Yeah, yeah, so you are in, it's adjusted now, so it's not exactly the same.

Ventura Fire Foundation (14:29.367)
Wow.

Erin Reed (14:36.737)
It's still a year. So you're a probation for a full year. You're in, you know, kind of like a classroom setting. And I do that because obviously they're in the field and doing things as well. But they're in a classroom setting. It was like four months, I feel like maybe six. I think it's slightly less now. Maybe it's four now and it was six. And then you go to, you know, a regular shift.

but you're the training crew. So you're obviously with people who are not, you know, your trainers, but you're working that shift schedule for the back half of your probationary year. So it's a full year. So we didn't take a honeymoon. We postponed it, which was kind of that first like, okay, this is real. This career definitely has, you know, I guess,

made it so like that's a priority in our lives. We have to adjust to it. I will say on the flip side, it was kind of nice to have that to look forward to look, you know, looking back because, know, it's such a whirlwind. You get married, you go on a honeymoon if you can. And then it's like, wait, it's done and over. So looking back, yeah, looking back, it was worth it. But at the time I was kind like, you know, like we have this really hard year coming up and, you know, having him

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:50.912)
is

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:58.38)
Yeah.

Erin Reed (16:02.498)
be pretty much unavailable Monday through Friday, 12 hours a day was hard, but I'm thankful, you know, people navigate that with children and full families and it was just us at the time. And while I think it was hard, you know, he, was in the Academy of people that had like a new baby and I just can't imagine, you know, all the challenges that brings in the feelings. So

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:27.68)
And he's been with the same department since. That's nice.

Erin Reed (16:29.934)
Yeah, same department. He volunteered for a few different departments prior, but here, where we live, the biggest city department with, I would say, potential for the most fire, I guess, is Portland. So that was kind of always a goal for him.

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:50.275)
Yeah, my husband did got hired in 2015 for his like first full time career fire department. He was a paramedic and an EMT and a volunteer firefighter before that as well. And I remember sitting in that Family Day orientation. And there was close to 40 new hires, which was a big class. And it was a combination of the department he was hired with and then two smaller departments had

Erin Reed (17:10.978)
That's a big class, yeah.

Erin Reed (17:17.859)
Mm-hmm.

Ventura Fire Foundation (17:18.464)
people in it. And I thought that was really cool, because it allowed us the opportunity to get to know people from other departments. But I remember there was this other woman to specific women stand out one was I'm getting married in a few weeks. Like, what does that look like? And you could hear a pin drop, you know, it was like, you don't ask that question. And that was like, everyone was like, kind of put in their place.

And then like you said, someone with a newborn, this mom, she has toting around the little, you know, car seat with the baby in it. And I'm just thinking like, I'm nervous about me. I'm just a, you know, girlfriend at the time. And she has a newborn, how is she going to do this? And, you know, not to have like toxic mentality, but like, those are the thoughts that I would be like, I am not the new mom, like, I can do this, that it's just me. Like,

Yes, it's not fun. It's hard. I'm sacrificing a lot and giving up time with him. I moved away from my family to follow him to be here, all that stuff. But still, like, my heart is not that hard. And I can get through this.

Erin Reed (18:32.815)
Yep, that was kind of the pep talk I gave myself too. And I think I remember that family orientation day as well. And I think I went to a know, a couple of academies after, you know, they'd invite back like we were like veterans at that point, but, know, had enough of that fresh Academy experience, I guess, to be able to, you know, say, hey, here's what this might look like. And you know, just setting up a different community, the communication plan you might need was what I always talked about.

like my husband and I at the time and he was like it doesn't bother me like text me everything you need to throughout the day I'm not gonna see it till you know we have lunch or the end of that day so if I have 17 messages from you that are very random I don't care it's fine other people may not like that that might be overwhelming so just I think having that understanding I remember that clearly and I remember one one woman was like

my husband would hate that. And I was like, well, maybe you're going to put all these thoughts in notes in your phone or on a notepad or wherever somewhere that you know, at some point in the day or the days to follow, those are things for you to discuss. everyone's different. So it's trying to find what works for you. And hopefully you get an idea from someone else, but it may not be, you know, perfect or it's something you can adjust.

Ventura Fire Foundation (19:58.273)
Right. I love that you do that. I've just started doing that recently with the new hires significant others here. And it is so cool. I also feel really old because I remember me being on the other side of the table 10 years ago and I'm like, 10 years has not passed. I, I still am like a baby. How can I be the, you know, veteran person now having the conversation and

Erin Reed (20:10.411)
Yes.

Erin Reed (20:21.848)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (20:27.722)
I just, it blows my mind. And I, like you said, hopefully what we can share sparks a conversation or the thought process of if they run into that, they're like, hey, I remember when Erin said this communication thing, like maybe we need to try something different because I don't want this bubbling up and building a huge argument in the middle of the week, you know? So I just think that it's really nice that.

Erin Reed (20:51.331)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (20:54.755)
your department is seeing kind of the benefit of having that for the Fire family and taking time to let you and other partners have that space to do that. Because for me, I feel like we should lock arms immediately. I don't have the mindset of like, need to wait until they're off probation because we're a Fire family from day one. And I love that you have that. And that first year is hard. An Academy's, you know, having that

Erin Reed (21:14.85)
Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (21:23.638)
like you said, Monday through Friday in this department now they have Wednesdays off when they're in the academy. So my husband didn't have that, but I think that's really nice. They have like a midweek reset. They can catch up on sleep recovery study, actually connect with their partner, go be out in nature, whatever they need to take care of themselves. And I also, like you said, so

Erin Reed (21:28.824)
Mm-hmm.

Ventura Fire Foundation (21:48.684)
for my husband's first apartment he was hired on, they had their four month Academy and then the year probation started from after the long time you like don't realize that you're like, holding your breath in a certain way until that probation ends and you have like the graduation from that you're like

Erin Reed (21:57.006)
It's a long time.

Erin Reed (22:04.471)
Yeah.

Erin Reed (22:12.384)
Yes, now we're now we've made it type of a thing. Yeah. Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:15.851)
Yeah, and it's such a huge deal. And like you said, having your honeymoon to celebrate. That's one of the things I tell the partners is like, think of something to celebrate at the end. And it can be as smaller as big as you want. It could be you want to go on a trip together for, you know, two nights to get away from everything, not worry about the dishes and the laundry and meal prep and all that stuff. could be an adventure you do together as a couple. It could be just something for you because you're like, I earned this like what?

Erin Reed (22:33.23)
you

Erin Reed (22:44.268)
Yeah, say, love that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:46.316)
have that carrot for you that you're looking forward to. I don't know what the like psychology is behind that because I'm not a medical professional, but.

Erin Reed (22:55.598)
Yeah, no, but it is always nice, right? When you can look forward to a trip. mean, even just in real life, it's like you've got that thing, whatever it is, or we said we were going to do XYZ or, know, like we want to do that cooking class. We don't have time. It's only scheduled. You know, maybe it doesn't work right now, but we're going to do it when you're done or, know,

We always want to go to that nice restaurant, but you know, like maybe it's not in budget all the time, but we know we're going to go and this happens. There's so many things you can do, but I don't know why, but it is nice to have that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:26.89)
Yeah, it's nice. And for the new significant others to know that they have that face and that name they can reach back out to. And I know for me, that was super helpful when my husband started down here as a lateral firefighter to have those veteran wives here because I wasn't a new fire wife. I was just new to this department and trying to...

Erin Reed (23:48.374)
Yeah. Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (23:50.435)
It was just a different experience trying to not fit in but like find my place among already established relationships in a different way than as like a complete new hire. I don't know you think it'd be the same but it's not it's different.

Erin Reed (24:04.044)
I can completely relate. My husband didn't lateral into the department he's in, but when he was through probation and you do some traveling, right? Till you kind of find your place, what station you're gonna be at. And he got into, we spent 10 years at a station, I mean, we still call it home.

because it was really where he wanted to be and it was a great crew, but it was definitely a more established crew. So he was, I think at the time, the only newbie. So everyone else was at a different place in their fire career or really in their lives too. So you had these like this great group of people in the Academy and then we all kind of went these different directions. So it was like.

I did kind of feel like I was coming into a department as maybe a lateral because I was introduced to now, know, fantastic people that are our friends, you know, forever. But, you know, half of them have retired now that that's where they were in their careers already. So it's just a different, I think.

different than I expected it was going to be, but at the same time it was good because those were a lot of wives that could be like girl.

This is what it's going to be like. Don't be afraid to do this, this and this, you know, don't listen to that old school mentality of, know, well, just suck it up. This is how it is. And, know, even them being in it 20, 25, 30 years, we're like, no, that's, know, that mentality is gone. You need to take care of yourself and your family and, know, your your fire partner to.

Ventura Fire Foundation (25:46.516)
Yeah, I'm so thankful for the shift in that. it seems like most departments that we're, you know, acquainted with, it's a whole department wide shift. And it's really good to see in the past, you know, 10, 11 years that he's been hired that shift to value what is important for family at home and the firefighter and seeing how different ways that they're

offering to prioritize that and get the word out of the various types of support. And it's not just like a suck it up butter cup. You know, this is how it is you chose this career.

Erin Reed (26:24.91)
Yeah

Erin Reed (26:29.433)
Yep.

Yeah, that's I think just the cop out answer, right? I mean, you still see that I see it on social media at times and I'm like, my gosh, like this isn't this isn't a vent. You know, this whole, you know, the collective as an example or, you know, all these other podcasts and Instagram accounts, it's like it's not a vent necessarily. Like it may start that way, but it's also like, how do we find solutions? It's people looking for an answer for how to handle something, not just I just want to put it out there so you can hear me complain.

it's someone else is probably going through this and would maybe have some advice for me and I think that's the part that maybe those naysayers are just seeing the the vent but they're not seeing you know the result of what people are trying to get.

Ventura Fire Foundation (27:16.436)
Yeah, I think, you know, to find the space in the collective to have connection and feel safe and seen and know that, you know, we are right alongside you. Like, I've been there. I know how hard this is. I can't wish it, will it away? I can hold your hand through it. And yeah, it's going to be hard. And I'm sorry you're feeling that way. And then for other situations where it's like,

we can actually offer like practical resources like here's a parenting course we created specifically for the first responder fire family and you can dive in into little chunks when you have the time because it's a six course you know module that we created for the different stages and you know you have both sides of that where you can vent and have women hold space for you and lift you up and then you can also dive into that.

and be like, my gosh, this resource is exactly what I needed. And I pick up this nugget and I pick up that nugget. And then I go back to my ladies and say, thank you for holding space for me when I was having a really hard time and I implemented this. And my gosh, it worked or that didn't work, but we got here and tried this. And just to know that the collective is that space that has multifaceted pieces to support our dynamic.

you know, needs as fire families is incredible.

Erin Reed (28:40.462)
Yeah. And it's such, it's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. Excuse me. I don't know why that came out funky. Um, that it's, you know, it's a private separate thing. Like I think everything else is, you know, not to anyone's fall. It's the easy way is like it's out on social media. And then it's like, well, then you have, know, you're exposing yourself to potentially any kind of feedback. And I think that's the challenge. So that's been the difference with this group.

I've appreciated, I don't get in it as much as I want to. But every once in while I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go look at what's going on over here, that's interesting. And I really appreciate that it's growing and it's people from all over the place, it seems now. Because there's just so much I think to learn outside of our own little bubble of our department or our region or whatever.

Ventura Fire Foundation (29:33.15)
Yeah, and I think in that regard, it's nice to know that is nationwide and you can connect with partners across the country. And it's that's really cool. I'm I love that aspect of it. I'm getting to know people like you from the Pacific Northwest. And I talked with someone the other day from now I'm forgetting the state. think it's Texas. Yeah, Texas. And I'm like, that is so cool. And we could connect that way on social media. But having this private space.

Erin Reed (29:40.728)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (30:01.61)
I think it allows people to dive in deeper, faster, because you know it's just a safer space and you feel like you can open up, in my opinion, just right away, you know?

Erin Reed (30:13.964)
Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Totally.

Ventura Fire Foundation (30:19.616)
Yeah, I love that. And then you had mentioned that your husband has some like special task force situation. How does that affect life with your fire family?

Erin Reed (30:32.857)
That's been an interesting ad. Our department and many others, this is not unique to where we are by any means. It's probably, I would assume, mostly in, I say larger cities. A lot of people are like, Portland is not a large city, but it is for us in our state. But I think a lot of large cities have this, like a rapid response team, know, large gatherings, potential civil unrest.

and fire has a certain number of trained individuals that are there as medics. So, you know, sure, there could be a fire of some kind and they know how to handle that, but they're generally there to ensure safety of, you know, anyone who, you know, maybe is there protesting or, you know, obviously if there's, you know, police involved or law enforcement around for, you know, safety and

all of that, you know, that they're obviously being taken care of too. So they're there as medics. And there's a very small number that are in that specialty unit in our department, just because the size of our city and our department. But that, you know, started, I feel like maybe 2017. So he was not a part of it when it was initiated here.

but he did join in 2020. that was, know, obviously everyone remembers the summer of 2020. There was obviously the pandemic and then, you know, a lot of civil unrest in many cities and ours was one. And so he was gone pretty much every night deployed. And I mean, every night.

to the point of, you know, leaving at 3 p.m., home at 2 or 3 a.m., having to sleep, I have to work, the kids are home because it's summer. And so trying to navigate that was, 2020 was my breaking point, I would say. Just because there was really no end and you've just got this small squad that can assist in those situations.

Erin Reed (32:39.948)
And the world was already feeling a little out of control with the pandemic and all these things. just, all of it was unsettling, I'd say. But he's been a part of it since then and nothing has been as intense since that summer. But there's large gatherings of all kinds and generally they're just fine. But there are plenty that are.

you know, maybe not completely fine and he's there or gets called, you know, things happen in the world and it's like, Oh, we're getting deployed. Like, okay, so our dinner with friends, I assume you're you have to bail or do I, you know, do I need to adjust? Do I need to cancel this so you can be gone? Because it's usually a day of or day prior deployment unless it's, you know, that type of thing is it typically planned? You know, in terms of what

members of society are going to do. So, you know, we really have to be able to pivot and he works with a great crew. And, you know, they all do their best, like, Hey, it's my kid's birthday or I'm out of town or, know, like, Oh, I got this one, you know, and they kind of work around each other's schedules the best they can. But ultimately, a certain number of them have to be there and

That's been an added obstacle, I think, for us to work through. And it's also different. It's a different type of work, depending on the situation. If it's really tense, that's scary. I grew up as the daughter of a police officer, and there's a lot of law enforcement in my family.

So I'm used to that life, but I didn't marry that life for a reason. So having him work alongside those roles like is I think part comforting to me because I you know, a lot of those people are like family to me as well because I grew up around it, but it's also you know, not situations.

Erin Reed (34:51.818)
I'm used to as a fire wife. It's more like that was a big fire and that kind of freaks me out. But I trust your training and I trust the people you work with. These are now social situations with, you you never know what somebody may or may not do. Hopefully nothing. And it's fine. But there's just a lot more unknown to me as a spouse, I would say. Yeah, so that's that's been different.

Ventura Fire Foundation (35:19.062)
Yeah, you touched on a couple things. just quickly jotted down some notes. So first off, growing up as a child of a first responder already, right? Like that in and of itself. I do not in the same realm. But I remember as a kid growing up, my parents were divorced, my dad traveled for work. And I always told myself, I will not be with someone who is never home.

Erin Reed (35:22.168)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (35:42.665)
I am with someone who is never home. And and I say to me, was like, I don't want my kids to grow up with their parent gone all the time. My kids grow up with their parent gone all the time. So that I just, don't know how we do that to ourselves. It's some, so something. but in the sense that, you know, for you, you have a familiarity with like the safety aspect of it and with your dad being gone for longer periods, like it doesn't make it better.

Erin Reed (35:43.628)
Whoops.

Ventura Fire Foundation (36:11.052)
but I just feel like you already have like a mindset and the ability to support your kids in a different way because you can say like, mommy understands. I know what it was like because my dad was gone and I'm not saying I'm making it any better, but I just, really feel what you feel and I can understand and empathize. I really do. And I like to think that that helps, you know, because those are conversations I have with my kids of like,

I know what it feels like to miss a parent because I wasn't with mine all the time and it makes me really sad. So I think that of the kind of bummer situation, it's nice that you have that different level of empathy you can relate with your kids. And then yeah, it doesn't make it better for you as the wife though. You're like, my gosh, like I'm more terrified. It's already bad enough. You want to run into burning buildings, but now you want to be around another type of unsafe situation. Like, why are you doing this to me?

Erin Reed (37:01.837)
Yes.

Erin Reed (37:08.086)
Yes, that's pretty much... No, no.

Ventura Fire Foundation (37:10.73)
And then like, I know you're not doing it to me and this is great. You know, you want to expand yourself this way and grow and help our community. So it's terrifying.

Erin Reed (37:19.053)
Yes. Yes, it can be. think, you know, I...

I am by far, mean, this is going to come no shock to anyone who either knows us or just in fire spouse life in general, like I am absolutely the more anxious one. He is calm, cool, collected in literally every situation. I have honestly never seen him worked up about anything, which is great for his career and great as a parent. Because usually my reaction is like, and he's like, all right, so what do we got here? Like, we'll figure it out. I'm just like, how if I could learn some of that?

be great. The chill. Yeah, he just completely has that. And I'm wildly jealous, but it does help in those scenarios. Like he has never and he would tell me he's honest would you know, he's never come home like that was questionable or that was like, he just trusts the training. He trusts the people he's with. And, you know, ultimately we can

Ventura Fire Foundation (37:57.196)
the chill.

Ventura Fire Foundation (38:04.015)
Yes.

Erin Reed (38:22.819)
you know, look at something like a situation that maybe I know he was at and see it on the news and he can easily or, you know, even a fire, whatever it is, and he can easily be like, well, you know, maybe that was a moment. But, you know, you have to remember I was there for this long and, all of this happened and it was fine. It was under control or whatever. What you saw was just a blip in time. But I also don't watch the news for all of those reasons.

Ventura Fire Foundation (38:49.729)
Yes.

Erin Reed (38:50.265)
But you know, he can give me his perspective as actual boots on the ground and I just have to trust that and he's very good and always has been and my dad was this way too. He's still alive. So I don't say was but he's retired. You know, like calling and you know, obviously as a child there was no FaceTime.

But you know, calling to check in or at least calling and getting an update from my mom, maybe if we were at school or whatever, so she could relay messages to us or you know, I mean, he gave up sleep all the time to be our stuff at off times, you know, depending on his shift. And my husband now is really good about that with our kids too. Like there's a FaceTime, not every shift, but pretty much every shift.

if possible, or you know, just checking in. Or if a kid says, Hey, I want to call I want to call dad and you know, like, I got a chicken. I don't know, you know, if it's a good time, we'll find a time that works. So they're pretty good about voicing that and we're pretty good about trying to figure out how to make it happen. As long as they know they always have that. And if it's not right now, you know,

it maybe it's tonight or maybe it's in an hour or you maybe it has to be tomorrow but here's why and he sent you this message or something so

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:11.978)
Yeah, think we're fortunate with technology now. I, yeah, when my dad was traveling, he didn't have a cell phone until I don't even know how old it was, like, maybe around 10 or something. And, but now if the kids want to talk to dad, I, we just take a little video and send a video. And then when daddy can, he'll either call us back or he'll send a video back.

Erin Reed (40:14.966)
Yes.

Erin Reed (40:21.879)
No.

Erin Reed (40:30.54)
Yeah, or send a video. Yep.

Erin Reed (40:36.279)
Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:37.59)
There's other apps you can use besides that, but that just has been the easiest for us. And it helps them feel like they're communicating. And then they're so happy when they get a video back and then they can play it again and they could play it again. So we're fortunate with the advancement in technology for that.

Erin Reed (40:48.856)
So happy.

Erin Reed (40:54.551)
We are so fortunate. I've heard, you know, people like I call and read the kids bedtime story over FaceTime or the phone. Like there's just so many different things. We were kind of out of we didn't go that far. I think our kids just didn't have the attention span or like show me the funny faces on a filter. You know, that was more their thing when they were little. But there's so many things you can do. And I think the other for us. You know, granted dependent.

depends on your location. But we've always been fairly close, know, 30, maybe 40 minutes at most from the station he's at. if there is an opportunity on, you know, maybe a weekend like, hey, maybe this is a good weekend to try and do a station visit if we can. Those are pretty few and far between these days just because, you know, the season of life the kids are in. But they loved that and they loved seeing, you know, the people he's working with and

you know, those people obviously become like family to us being at the same station for 10 years. So it's half the time it's like, okay, dad, I want to talk to you, but like, it's so and so there. Let me see the guys. And it's like, wait, do you not want to talk to me? But, you know, obviously not a bad thing. It's just funny.

Ventura Fire Foundation (42:05.548)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (42:09.044)
Yeah, it's it's built in family. I know I had one of our friends texted us the other night. They she said her son asked if our kids were their family and she was like, well, they're your fire family. And it's just it's such a gift to know that there's a lot of sacrifice we make as fire families. And on the flip side, there's so many things that we gain. And this like found family this additional community. And our kids are just so fortunate.

I said this in the new family day a few weeks ago, like our kids are surrounded by hundreds of the most incredible people. You can't ask for better mentors and role models for your kids to be surrounded by than the first responder community and their partners. Everyone is a badass. They're the type of people who show up. And this was, like I said, a few weeks ago before my husband had his surgery. And since the surgery just

Erin Reed (42:58.061)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (43:06.376)
astronomical through the roof has shown up for our family and our kids are seeing this and it's just you. I'm sure in other professions you have great people you're surrounded by but just the level and the it's just not the it's truly such an incredible blessing to have your kids grow up around these people who run into the burning buildings show up to help your husband that was just in the hospital help you.

Erin Reed (43:18.67)
Probably not the same.

Ventura Fire Foundation (43:33.344)
Whatever, it's just, it's so incredible. we're, we do, we sacrifice a lot and we also have these other great blessings that I could have never imagined.

Erin Reed (43:45.753)
Yeah, that's a great point. I was thinking about that as you were saying it. I was like, well, I work with a lot of great people on the day to day in my profession. Certainly not the same level that you get from fire families. And I think, you know, is it because of...

the type of job you're in with each other? Is it because you're on 24 hour or 48 or 72 hour shifts? I don't know. Obviously that would be another probably good psychology question, but it is different. And I think to the understanding piece,

No one understands a fire family like a fire family. Like I, I still like, I am going to have to explain why I can't do something, why you are home at Costco on a Tuesday. You know, like we have to explain ourselves constantly. And I think it was like last year, I was like, you know what? I used to get so annoyed. Like, oh my gosh, I told a lot of the same people, right? It's like.

the coworker I worked with for seven years or my aunt or one of my friends. It's like you've known me this this long and this has always been and you're still asking. It used to annoy me and now I'm just like that's never going to go away because you don't live it and it's really hard to explain to somebody who's partner.

Maybe they're gone, you know, a few days at a time for a work trip, but generally their work schedules, eight to five or whatever, like they're around and maybe their job isn't potentially this is dramatic, but maybe their job isn't potentially life or death type of a thing or dealing with people in, you know, high stress situations of their own. It's just different. So I've just gotten over the fact that I'm going to have to explain I had to do it this morning.

Erin Reed (45:43.406)
I have an all-day work like meeting strategy session tomorrow. I can't be at work at 8 a.m. I drop my kids off at school so I can be there by 8 30 but it starts at 8. I won't be there. I'll be there at 8 30 ready to go and it was like I still had to explain why I've worked with this person for seven years but and it's like it is what it is that's just

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:06.752)
Yeah. And like you said earlier, like I'm unapologetic about this. I'm not spending any more of my emotional capacity on that. And you can, you can definitely have feelings about it. I will not take your feelings away. It is not changing my circumstance and it is not changing how I operate my life. So here you, I will see you at eight 30.

Erin Reed (46:28.514)
Yeah, I mean, I will communicate. am an over communicator, probably for that reason. Like I'm as organized as I can be given my circumstances and yeah, it just is.

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:40.161)
Yeah. And obviously you would be there at eight if you could. yeah, you're not just like, need an extra 30 minutes to get ready that day. No.

Erin Reed (46:43.831)
Yeah, yes, I can't leave my kids.

Yeah, I just thought I could treat myself to a good coffee and sit and relax quietly like no

Ventura Fire Foundation (46:55.778)
Yeah, your circumstances different and to expand upon that point of like the unpredictability with this special task force of your husband or getting held over whatever it is and explaining yourself to people. It does be still surprise me like you said over 10 years into this career when people are surprised by it and you're like

I've been this has been how it is for 10 plus years. Like how does this still surprise you? And just like, okay, we can have the same conversation again. And then on the other side of it explaining that to the new hires, right? Like, your life is completely unpredictable. And you don't have control over it. Yes, there's a set schedule a, b, shift for the next million years. However, you cannot bank on that.

Erin Reed (47:25.526)
Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (47:50.051)
And if it's a holiday, plan that they won't be there. If it's a special event, they need to do all the things to protect and make sure they have that time off, either put in vacation or sick or do a trade. Like it's guaranteed there's even if you do all those things, some crazy thing could happen and they get mandated two days before. like, you just always have to kind of have that in the back of your mind. And I try to teach my kids that now, like they're like, can you just tell us?

who's gonna be there or what we're doing. And I'm like, I can't because I don't want you to be disappointed. And so when it happens or whoever shows up, then you're gonna find out because I grew up with constant disappointment and people not showing up. And I'm, again, I'm not a psychology person, I have no idea if that's the right thing to do, but I just, I try to, I just, refuse to let my kids have that disappointment and.

Erin Reed (48:22.093)
Nope.

Erin Reed (48:28.803)
Yep.

Ventura Fire Foundation (48:45.854)
explaining it to other adults is different than explaining it to my kids. And there still is nothing that can prepare me. Like I still get disappointed now myself.

Erin Reed (48:49.42)
Yes.

Erin Reed (48:55.288)
For sure. For sure. I do too.

Ventura Fire Foundation (48:58.531)
It's a bummer. It's like, well, okay, I guess I am going to go by myself or we're going to reschedule. And for the most part, people are more understanding now, but it's, it is an adjustment when you're new to the career and you don't know really what you're signing up for. And even if you have an indication and people give you this like list of things like, okay, this is what you're signing up for. You just, you don't know how it's going to feel. You don't know what it's going to look like.

Erin Reed (49:03.683)
Yep.

Erin Reed (49:08.856)
Yeah.

Erin Reed (49:27.456)
or all the ways that affects life. Like there's just so many little things you're like, yeah, and then that, and then that, and it just.

Yeah, everyone I feel like, yeah, you can give as much advice as possible or hey, here's what I went through. It's like someone has to live it a little bit and then be like, OK, now I understand or OK, I remember you saying this or hey, have you experienced X, Y, Z? How you know how might you have handled this? I have a very good friend lifelong like we met in middle school. Her husband, second career.

was able to go through the whole testing process and he got hired and went through the academy within the last couple years. So, know, later in life, but like that meant she's very established in her career. They've got children different, you know, high school student and an elementary school student. And, you know, they were very used to dad is home with this kid on this date, you know, Friday, I think it was or something up until she went to school and it was like, okay,

Now I don't have that anymore because you know, maybe some Fridays you have that if it's not his shift day, but generally every Friday you don't have dad anymore. And it's just like all those little things that you kind of take for granted is like, that's just our schedule and how it works. And it's like, oh, I have to pivot. That's not going to work anymore. You know, I just had to do it as well. My husband promoted a year ago now over a year because he's off. Lieutenant's probation.

but we're at a different station. He just got switched to a different shift as of well, the end of this month, he's switching to a different shift. And I was like, okay. We found out just a couple of weeks ago. I was like, okay, we've built everything around B shift. Now you're going elsewhere. It's like, okay. and we just had to sit down and map it out. I've got work travel that he has to take PTO for. It just, there's no way around it. No one can fill.

Erin Reed (51:28.866)
you know, that parental void for, you know, 48 hours that I'm gone. Or, you know, I do adjust and there was a couple, you know, after, you know, work day, like evening work type events that I'm just not gonna be able to go to, you know, because we had to shift and it's disappointing and it's hard. But sitting down and mapping it out the best we can and knowing that we're both.

you know, sacrificing a little bit to make it work for the other, I think is what works for us. I know, I hope most families are that way, but, you know, I know that may not be the case.

Ventura Fire Foundation (52:08.958)
Yeah, the pivot and just being flexible is.

Erin Reed (52:12.654)
I heard the other day somebody, was one of these, it may have been Chelsea. It was like, it's not even flexible anymore. It's fluid because it's literally always moving and changing. And I was like, yeah, that's nothing is for certain.

Ventura Fire Foundation (52:25.974)
Yeah. My personality has totally changed since having kids. was way more type A personality before having kids Excel spreadsheets, color coding things, Post-it notes everywhere. So much of that has gone. Like, I get I get to stay home with the kids now I get to homeschool our kids. So I have that flexibility to be more fluid.

Erin Reed (52:40.012)
Yeah.

Erin Reed (52:50.222)
Okay.

Ventura Fire Foundation (52:51.99)
And it just, for us, it works now in this season and we're establishing more routines and whatnot. But yeah, just fluid. just works way better for us.

Erin Reed (53:02.028)
Yeah, no, that's great. And I applaud anyone doing homeschooling. am not. I don't think my kids would necessarily want me as their teacher and I don't I would not be great at it. So I applaud you for that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (53:12.322)
We're only in TK in first grade right now, so we're just getting started. Thank you.

Erin Reed (53:18.223)
But still, that's great. And yeah, it's nice you have the ability maybe to adjust. Like these days we're gonna start some lessons at this time and like, yeah, this week we're just, it's not working. We're gonna start later. Maybe that one's gonna take longer than we intended and we're gonna build in outside time instead or whatever. It's, yeah, you just gotta find, there's a lot of trial and error, I think, in all of this. And then of course, when it starts to work,

Ventura Fire Foundation (53:34.229)
Exactly.

Erin Reed (53:46.188)
your kids grow out of it or...

Ventura Fire Foundation (53:47.49)
Yes, for sure. Seriously, it's just new season new chapter. Well, I've loved chatting with you. And before we wrap up, I just wanted to ask you a silly question get to know you a little more. Is there something you wanted to share?

Erin Reed (54:05.166)
I don't think anything specific. You want to ask me a silly question? You can ask all the way. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (54:09.142)
Yeah, are you What is your go-to song to sing in the shower or karaoke?

Erin Reed (54:16.812)
gosh, I really don't sing in the shower. I do my best thinking in the shower. I don't know why so many people do. Karaoke, anyone, if they're listening to this will laugh because that's a given. It's always my one and only. It's salt and pepper shoop. So I wouldn't say it's really singing. It's more yelling in the microphone, but super fun.

Ventura Fire Foundation (54:22.668)
Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (54:34.431)
Yeah

I love that. Yeah. That's so fun. Okay, one more. If you were to describe yourself with a morning mood emoji, what would your emoji be?

Erin Reed (54:52.574)
morning mood. You know, like melting one. Like, yeah, that's, yep, probably that I am not like, let's get up and go. I'm like, my bed is warm and cozy, especially in the winter. And yeah, so probably that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (54:53.974)
Yes.

Okay. I love that.

Ventura Fire Foundation (55:11.906)
Yeah, awesome. Well, I had so much fun getting to know you, Erin. Thank you for taking time to share with the collective today. And we are so happy that you're here in this space. And if anyone else is looking for connection in the FIRE family, please join us in the collective. There's so many wonderful faces there. There's so many great resources, and we want everyone to join and find value. So thank you again.

Erin Reed (55:37.09)
Yeah, absolutely. I'm so happy to be here and part of the collective too.

Ventura Fire Foundation (55:41.795)
Yay! Okay, I'm going to stop the recording.