Building a Life, Not Just Surviving It: A Fire Spouse Story

Jamie Renshaw shares her journey from feeling isolated in the fire life to finding purpose and connection through vulnerability and shared struggles. Her story of balancing motherhood, a remodeling business, and a firefighter marriage offers hope, resilience, and the power of authentic support. Discover how prioritizing mental health, leaning into community, and embracing vulnerability can transform your experience as a fire family.

Takeaways

• True community comes from vulnerability, not perfection.
• Departments must actively foster mental health accessibility.
• Preparing families for the unpredictable is a vital ongoing process.
• Self-fulfillment and purpose boost resilience more than paychecks.
• Small, intentional community efforts can revolutionize fire family support.
• Managing reintegration is a continuous process, not an event.

Mentioned resources

Create by the Sea
Dear Chiefs Podcast

Transcript

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:01.006)
So I'll give it a second.

Hello, welcome to the Fire Family Collective podcast. I am Amanda and I am super thrilled to be sitting down today with Jamie. She is in San Diego, so we're both beach babes and the weather has been amazing here. It's like summer in February whenever this ends up airing, but I'm just so thankful I'm sitting here looking at the sunshine. How are you today, Jamie?

Jamie Renshaw (00:30.864)
I'm doing well too. We don't have as much sun today, but it's still nice. No snow.

Ventura Fire Foundation (00:36.396)
Yes, exactly, I know. I don't know what seasons are, so sorry for everyone else who's experiencing seasons. My sister said it was like six degrees in New York, so it's bathing suit weather here. Anyways, Jamie is amazing. She has a full family, a full career, a firefighter partner. So Jamie, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Jamie Renshaw (01:01.47)
Sure. I'm Jamie and she said I live in San Diego, California. I am the owner of a business called Create by the Sea and I specialize in remodeling and helping people build their homes from the ground up or remodel. I usually do a lot of kitchens as well and I run the whole business myself at this time.

And then I'm married to my husband who's a firefighter engineer in San Diego. have four on our trucks. He's the driver, but he's also a paramedic and we have three girls. So we have Ellie who's 13 and Shelby who's almost nine and Riley who's our youngest who's five. And I'm their full-time caretaker as well.

They're here. They're off at school, but they're here and I'm the one in charge.

Ventura Fire Foundation (02:04.206)
Yeah, you are doing it all literally and I'm sure there's plenty of activities. They have their things that they're interested in too. Yeah.

Jamie Renshaw (02:13.231)
Yes. So Ellie's our swimmer. She swims a lot, like 10, 15 hours a week. So I'm a swim practice mom. Yeah. then Shelby's our karate girl. And Riley right now just tags along because we're not quite sure where she's going to fit in with all that yet.

Ventura Fire Foundation (02:19.106)
Wow.

Ventura Fire Foundation (02:31.522)
She's checking it out, what older sisters are doing, right? That's awesome.

Jamie Renshaw (02:35.331)
Yes, she's in kindergarten. just just letting her feel her way out.

Ventura Fire Foundation (02:42.048)
Yeah. So one of the things that I love that you mentioned is that you wanted to be on the podcast and share and connect with this community. So can you tell me a little bit, you know, why you were drawn to be on this platform and share your voice with us?

Jamie Renshaw (02:59.559)
Sure. So, I've been a part of the fire community since we, I've been with my husband. We met here in San Diego, we're both from other parts of the country. And he became a medic on the ambulance and the ambulances here are stationed in the fire stations. They're not contracted with the, or sorry, they're contracted with the fire stations, but they are not.

employees of San Diego Fire. So he was a medic for eight or nine years before he became a firefighter. It took us a long time for him to get on the department. That was probably one of our challenging points of our marriage is just like, is this what we really want? Because it took a long time. there were a lot of San Diego has their own hiring process. And for a while it was

We're not hiring you unless you're a medic. And then they did brown outs, which is because the city couldn't afford to hire anyone. And then when they came back, they said, we're not hiring medics, but he went to medic school. And so like we had to just wait and wait. And finally he got hired when Ellie, who's our oldest was two. And, so I've been around the fire and lifestyle, I guess, for a long time. And.

We even rode the fire engine to our wedding. Like even though he wasn't a firefighter, like we, took us to our reception and like, we just felt part of that community. And I remember like wanting so badly to be a part of the family dynamic. Cause like you'd walk in and like, it was just cool. Like, especially in our double houses where there's eight firefighters, you know, to, and then the box was just two more. So there's a lot of people there.

Ventura Fire Foundation (04:30.872)
Wow.

Jamie Renshaw (04:57.426)
being excited about that. But by the time my husband got hired, the dynamic here in San Diego just started shifting. And I think it was a few things. One was the city was training a lot of guys and then we'd lose them because we weren't paying them enough. And so it lose the guys to other cities or it was because they couldn't financially afford to live in San Diego any longer.

I have several firefighter families that don't live here. They live in Idaho, they live in Arizona. We have one on my husband's station that lives in North Shore, Hawaii. And they come and commute in and they work their hours and then they go back home. And so to create community is difficult because their loved ones aren't here. And so, you know, we try.

We try our best, but this is not always easy. And so we've, we had a, a wives type page, Facebook page with, but it was just so much division between people. And so I was just really searching for that community piece that I had hoped we were going to get from the get go and be able to ask questions that were just really hard. Like, you know,

What do you do with your kids if your husband gets mandoed? Like, what are you doing? You know, or during COVID, like, how are you guys handling this when they come home? you, you know, what are you doing? Are you stripping down? Like all those questions. Looking for help in that and it just wasn't coming. And so that's when I had turned to podcast and found Dear Chief at that time. And just was like,

finally there's like other people speaking out about how hard this life really is. And I think it's also hard because people will be like, but you wanted that life. Like, why are you complaining about it if you wanted that life? And I was like, you're right. I did want this life. Like I do want this life, but I also want to be able to talk about that. Like it's hard. There's hard parts to it. There's parts that are just...

Jamie Renshaw (07:20.882)
they're good, but there's parts that are hard and I just want other people who understand that. And so I was looking for that. And then Audra, who's one of the ladies that does their chief was like, go check out this collective. You'll really like it. And so then I found you guys and I was like, wow, you know, like there's finally some, you know, wives who really want to like know each other and

Create a community where it doesn't matter if you're in the same city. I it could be cool, but doesn't have to be. So.

Ventura Fire Foundation (07:56.248)
Okay, lots of things going on there. So moment to pause. Thank you, dear chiefs, Audra and Chelsea for connecting fire families across the nation. You ladies paved the way years ago for connection for our community. So thank you to both of you. And I really feel like what you said is something familiar that a lot of other partners can agree with and feels like they're not alone, whether they don't within their own.

fire department have that connection and they're seeking it or they had it and it looks different now, I think that's really relatable and it can be scary to reach out outside of your own fire department but also it's kind of exciting. Sometimes you want a different voice. Like you said, you want to be able to say how are you handling this mandate for yourself because even after almost 20 years you still feel disappointment yourself as a partner.

and then you have to turn around and tell the girls, plans changed, we need to be flexible as a family, I'm feeling disappointed, you know, I can relate to how you're feeling, tell me how you're feeling. And so to be able to have this Fire Family Collective space where we can come and share those moments just to get it off of our chest, but to also maybe get different insight is really nice to have that.

And I hope that people listening can know that even veteran firefighter partners are experiencing these things. It's not something unfamiliar to us, whether we experienced it 20 years ago or we're experiencing it now again or for the first time. And to have this space where you could be vulnerable and wrapped up in warm hugs and sit with the yuck and just, know, yep, this is hard. But then also.

Like I'm here to talk about it with you Jamie like let's be vulnerable and real and not just end the conversation at Rub some dirt on it get over it, you know

Jamie Renshaw (09:57.469)
Yeah, and I think that that's kind of mentality of firefighters sometimes. Like, that happened. It's over, you know, but is it really over? It's it might be for me. I'm in a different phase of life than someone who has a newborn and a toddler at their feet. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't be willing to tell you how I did it. You know, how did you run a business and have a toddler and a baby? You know, and sure, you could be.

Ventura Fire Foundation (10:20.653)
Right.

Jamie Renshaw (10:27.514)
on the East Coast or the Midwest and it's different a little bit, but we can still have that community that we're looking for the support.

Ventura Fire Foundation (10:35.798)
Yeah, and that's it. It's not like you're not waving a magic wand and saying like, Jamie, I'm here to fix this. Amanda, your, you know, fire wife problems are all going to be gone. No, you're not doing that. But you're saying I see you. I've been in similar shoes as you. And here are some things that might be supportive if you find yourself in this similar situation again. And also you can send me a text and just say like,

hey Jamie it happened again and I'm really upset but I handled it this way this time and things were a lot better like whatever that looks like and to know that we have those other women who get it it makes such a difference I know for me that was one of the things I really struggled with having my first child was going to like the stereotypical moms group and all of the moms in the moms group you know there's like 20 of them

their husbands came home every day. And so the resentment I had as a first time mom with a newborn, I mean, you probably could see like smoke coming out of my head. I could not handle being around these women and it had nothing to do with them. It was an Amanda problem. I resented the fact that my husband did not come home every day and I was struggling and I could not be a part of that mom's group. I needed a group like this where I could say,

As a new mom with my partner, he got two weeks home when I had a newborn. We lived hundreds of miles away from family at the time. I was on an island by myself. And to have had a group like this where I could have leaned into and said, I want a mom's group. Maybe how do I go back to that group and not feel horrible and mad at every single woman in that room? I don't want to feel this way.

And I also was going to therapy, but I just couldn't pull my shit together. I just couldn't, I couldn't go back. I made one friend.

Jamie Renshaw (12:32.83)
I remember, I had an experience similar. I remember when my oldest went to school and I had Shelby in a carrier. And I remember the moms walking out of kindergarten and looking at them going to work and being like, I don't, I just like barely got out of bed. Like I'm barely functioning. How are you like polished and put together and like going to work?

right now. there's no, there's just like, and then my mom gave me a quote that everything happens at it's appointed hour, but I was still just like boggled. Like how is she so put together? I barely got, you know, a waffle shoved down the road to go to school. Like I'm failing, you know, as a mom. And then last year when Riley finally went to preschool, like half day, I walked out and I was fully dressed and I was ready to go meet a client. And I was like,

And I literally walked past a mom who was carrying her baby and her toddler. And she looked at me and I was just like, it's just a moment of time. Like you'll get there. But it was this full circle realization of like, how far you came. It feels like forever, but it's still possible. Like you will get there.

Ventura Fire Foundation (13:42.242)
Yes.

Ventura Fire Foundation (13:52.353)
Yes. In the moment, like it feels daunting and you feel like one year of 365 feels like 3000 days. And I was the same way. I would look at some of my fire wife, mom friends in outfits, right? And I was like, I am still disgusting in the shirt I wore last night. And I just put on leggings. I actually got out of my pajama bottoms. I barely brushed my teeth.

probably didn't brush my hair and I couldn't, I just remember telling Jon, how does she get dressed? I don't understand. he was, in his like simple answer was like, well, you put on clothes, like you could also put on those clothes. And I was just like, I could not wrap my head around not putting on leggings and putting on jeans and like a different shirt. Same thing, it took me years to be able to have the capacity to put on a different top.

and not leggings, which I still do wear leggings and like oversized t-shirts and stuff all the time, but I could not. That was one of the most mind blowing things to It wasn't even makeup or doing your hair. It was just the simple fact of the outfit, let alone, like you said, having the time to go the next step of styling your hair or anything. And most of the time my kids still don't eat breakfast and they're six and almost five.

mornings are very slow for us. It's very hard, so very relatable.

Jamie Renshaw (15:26.334)
I just tell myself that those women's full of dishes. Like she might look really good together, but her sink at home is full of dishes, okay? Like that's what I tell myself because I'm like, there's something that I had to give. She looks great, you know, I look great, but my sink is full of dirty dishes right now. Or there's a giant pile of laundry, right? Cause...

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:30.445)
Yeah.

you

Yes!

Ventura Fire Foundation (15:43.989)
That is hilarious. Yes. Yes, we all have our secrets. What is your secret? We want to know. Okay, so if you're listening to this episode, is your sink full of dishes? Is there laundry that's so this reminds me one of my friends told me like the secret for her with laundry is she no longer folds the clothes for the kids. So they each have their own baskets. And so when the laundry gets done,

they need to deal with their own basket of laundry. And I'm like, that is genius. We're not completely there yet, but I want to get my way there.

Jamie Renshaw (16:24.09)
Yeah, my kids fold their own laundry. Unless dad's home. If dad's home, he'll help them and they'll be like, dad's here, he's just gonna help me. Like that's one of his tasks he'll do with them. But I'm like, nope, you wore it. And sometimes they change their clothes like three times when you didn't have to do that. So this is why you have all this laundry to do.

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:26.744)
That's amazing.

Ventura Fire Foundation (16:43.774)
Exactly. exactly my clothes my kids are the same way and my sister will be like well You change your clothes multiple times. I'm like, okay, but I worked out like it's different It's just the whole thing, but we'll get there so if you're listening to this and you have secrets for your laundry or dishes and Getting actual clothes on we'll share with share with us. We'll see if anything can stick I love that. Yeah, I think

Jamie Renshaw (17:05.913)
Thank

Ventura Fire Foundation (17:10.74)
Being able to be in a community like this who gets it and figures things out and navigates another mandate or an additional swim practice because a competition is coming up. Like you said, you have this incredible business you've built from the ground up at the same time that your husband was getting into the fire department and you had a young daughter. How do you manage all of that?

Jamie Renshaw (17:37.245)
Well, the first thing that just popped in my head was there's I don't want you to think that there wasn't resentment because there was like you get to go to the station and hang out and watch movies when you don't and play games, you know, he's at a beach station. So he gets to run on the beach and I'm over here. And there was still like a ton of resentment. But we finally reached a point where I needed him to understand that what made me feel good about myself.

was my business. Like I'm a good mom, but I feel fulfilled when I can walk into something that I envisioned and it's real. Like I can walk into your house and tell you your kitchen belongs in the other corner. And they're like, what are you talking about? And then, you know, on those last days walking in and actually seeing that what I could vision in my head. And that makes me feel good. That makes me excited to be alive and

I think it translates to my kids in a way because they see a mom who's willing to do what she wants rather than just be at home. And I'm not saying that being at home is wrong because if that's where you're meant to be, that's where you're meant to be. But for me, it wasn't like I just was like, she has to go to work and I have to be here. so creating my own entity to be willing to be able to fulfill that feeling for myself is really where it came from.

more so than even money, because at that time we didn't necessarily have three children and live in San Diego at the height of its expense. But, you know, I just wanted to feel like I was contributing how I contribute. And so that's really, that was important to me. and with that came a lot of like headbutting, like it just did, like we were, you know,

figuring out like, okay, yeah, you're tired, but I just did the kids for three days. I need a break. I need to do this. This client's waiting for me. Like you got to take them. Okay, but you need a nap. Can you please nap with them? And figuring out those little schedule details that make our life work and also learning what doesn't because I think that's the biggest thing is like, okay. And we got

Jamie Renshaw (20:05.192)
to a point where we needed outside help with like just therapy and really learning how to communicate on the same level differently. I don't know if that makes any sense. So in San Diego, have our department offers free therapy. So we have a whole therapy division that like any family member can go to. like my teenager right now is going through stuff. She has her own therapist that we don't pay for.

Ventura Fire Foundation (20:31.907)
Wow.

Jamie Renshaw (20:35.196)
Which is awesome. And so we found out about it. And I remember we were both like, do we really have to do this? Cause we both just had stigmas around therapists. But we walked in and we knew we needed to go and we sat down and this lady, she's, if we can get her on this podcast, it would be amazing. Cause she's really good. And so I told her everything. I like spewed out my side of the story and he was just like, yeah, she's

And she does, she'll never be happy. That's probably what my husband said at the time. And she goes, okay, I want you to understand something. And this really helped us. So she said, your husband or your wife, sorry, your wife, he's talking to my husband, your wife controls a freeway. So she's like, think of like the busiest freeway, you know, and she's in charge of every car that's on that freeway.

Hers is green and Ellie's is blue and Shelby's is purple and her business is one and like they're just all going down this freeway like you know, you can really visualize it. Then she's controlling. Ellie's got some practice. She has to get off on this exit, you know, we got to stop at the grocery store or whatever. She's just got full control because you are gone at work. And so she's got these cars moving and they're and sometimes they slow down.

but they're still moving. And I was like, okay, where's she going with this? Right? And then she's like, and then here comes the call. It's a 911 and you're coming home from work. And so you're the big red shiny fire truck that just like pulls in the middle of the freeway and stops because you're trying to take care of an accident or whatever. But what happens? And she's like, all the cars are diverted.

Ventura Fire Foundation (22:07.307)
haha

Jamie Renshaw (22:31.654)
All the cars slow down, all the cars move over. Everything is now shuffled because you just sat your big red fire truck in the middle of the freeway. And she looks at him and she goes, that is your wife's life. She's like, she's got all these things going on and then you come home from work and you are like, they missed you and you're cool because you're red and you're fast, you know? But at the same time, like you've just disrupted everything.

And so you've got to learn how you're going to merge in and not push them all out of the way. And I was just like, thank you. Because we left that day and I'm just like, felt seen. Like I felt for the first time, like, okay, I could never have come up without an allergy because I'm not a therapist. Right. That's not my job. But it was so what I needed to hear. And I still think about it even now, like, okay, he's coming home and he's going to merge into this and you know,

What was his day like? And so now we're better like, tell me ahead of time if you're coming home and you're super tired and the whole day you're going to sleep. Because then I just set my expectations up. Like I'm not thinking, he's going to do the laundry and the dishes because he's just not going to. He's going to sleep all day. And sometimes I'll say, I know you want to sleep all day, but I really need this. And so he has that ahead of time rather than like coming in and getting me hot.

And then I'm not sympathetic to him and we're just both mad at each other and we don't want to be mad at each other because we haven't seen each other for, you know, however long it's been. so, yeah, I, I'm an advocate for therapists because we all have what we're good at, you know, and, and it's become experts at, but they just, they're trained. Like you go to the dentist, have your teeth fixed. You go to the therapist cause you need to think better or be clear.

Ventura Fire Foundation (24:29.016)
Yeah, I am really grateful we went there. So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that. There's so many things to unpack. I have my notes I was writing down over here. first off, amazing that the department that you're at offers additional therapy and mental health supports. Like, huge. And I'm a huge advocate. Very grateful for that. So kudos for that.

and that you are leaning into them and seeing the need that your family has. And like you said, it is a tool, a resource for us to help support us. Our life is very unique. I do not know how to properly clean my teeth, as you said, as a dental hygienist and a dentist. So I go and have that service on my teeth. Using therapy is another service to give me the tools I need in the office to.

support me there, but then hopefully also at home to better communicate with my partner, better communicate with my community, my children. And I'm glad that your daughter is seeing you and your spouse lead the way in that it's not something to be shameful of. It is something to lean into and benefit from. So that's amazing. The analogy that you used with the freeway and the big shiny red fire engine.

Reintegration is very hard. And that is something that we talk about in the collective a lot and how to navigate that as a partner and partners with children or partners with animals are, it looks different for each of us at home and it's not easy. And like you said, getting a heads up from your partner, sending that text like,

I know that Ellie has swim today and you have an appointment with this client, but I'm going to need a two hour nap. And then I know I'm going to help with dishes and laundry. Being able to have that open communication and clearly set the expectation and also meet your needs is, it's really hard. And it's not something we just like you, you and I talked about, I think before we started the recording, like I signed up for this. I didn't really know what I was signing up for. So.

Ventura Fire Foundation (26:49.196)
Don't come at me with that. And I don't know the needs of my children. I don't know the evolution of the fire department, all these things. So to practice these communication skills and to take the time to ask each other what we need and to try to make sure we can meet those needs and speak each other's love language and get the support from therapy that we need and pour into our own cups again to go back to

you know, kind of what started this conversation with you pouring into yourself. You can't be the best version of Jamie if you feel like there's a giant gaping hole and you pursuing your career was important to you. And because you're able to fill your cup, you can show up for your family. You can show up as a wife in your marriage. You can be a villager in this fire family community.

But if you're not doing all those things and you feel like you're lacking and it just is not, all of that's going to have a domino effect. So the fact that you paused and reflected and figured that out and then as you've grown in your capacity and evolved over the years that now you're here at this crossroads, pouring into this greater community is amazing. So thank you.

Jamie Renshaw (28:09.38)
Yeah, and I would also encourage people to ask because the guys know or your spouse, I guess, knows what the department offers. But I didn't like I didn't even know we had it until we like I was like, this is not a choice, you know, and we were looking at different avenues and then there were other things. So the department has and I, I think it's I don't know. But it like even this past week, I learned that we have peer support. I didn't

I didn't know. Like, honestly, I didn't, I knew the guys had peer support, but then they're like, my husband was like, well, you can have peer support. And I was like, what do mean I can't have peer support? What does that look like? Who is it? Like, how does that work? And so there's different, there's probably different things in your department that you might not even know resources that you don't even know are there because you don't need to ask. So I really wanted to.

within San Diego, have not, I got worried because when he put on the badge to become a firefighter, I didn't know what I was accepting. Like I had no idea. I was just excited that he got to put it on, you know, and that we didn't have to do the academy anymore. But like, if someone had pulled me aside at some time and been like, hey, when you're ready to do this, maybe it's have kids or like buy a house, you know, decide on an area to live or whatever.

give me a call, you know, like, let's talk because I've done it before and it's different. And so that's also part of that community where I was just like, I wish when like even in the academy, I want, if someone had said, Jamie, you are not going to see your husband for this amount of time because his is going to be so focused and drained. It would have probably made my life so much easier. And, I think people are apprehensive to share it they don't want to be like, know it all, but I want to

I would have rather had someone be a know-it-all and take in from them what they were willing to share at my own grain of sand of what I needed versus on the back end be wishing that someone was like, yeah, I had to do that too and find out later. Because it's just so much easier. so I'm for like a wives or spouse class when they get out of the academies because

Jamie Renshaw (30:37.01)
I think it's important, but I have yet to have that come to fruition, if you will.

Ventura Fire Foundation (30:42.894)
Okay, so that's something that is a huge mission of mine personally, Amanda. I completely relate and I hope that as people listen to this in different departments, if you have capacity, you hear this message and you start something, even if it's small and you're inspired because it can be overwhelming to start and

I think that if you, know, Jamie and San Diego and Amanda and Ventura, you know, if we can lock arms with our new partners that start, it's huge because I remember what it was like to sit at that table at family orientation and be terrified as a little baby 25 year old, hundreds of miles away from my family. Like, what am I doing? just left a job I love at the beach.

to chase a firefighter after being together for six years, I think, at that point. And they're telling me all these crazy things. And I'm basically crapping myself. Like, what did I get myself into? And I don't have anyone to look up to and hold my hand and mentor me. So I locked arms with the women in the group. There was like 30.

New hires, so it was nice. We had such a big group because that department was similar to San Diego in size and It just was a bigger pool of people to try to connect with but there wasn't this type of like mentorship program which I'm hoping we can bring to the fire family collective is have the this group of women who are a little bit ahead of us and we can reach out to and Ask those questions and not feel

shame or whatever emotions might come up to just be like, I don't know what I'm getting myself into and I want to be able to have a buddy I can say, this week was really hard. It was week one of the Fire Academy. My partner transitioned from never being in Fire world before. He was in tech world. So we don't know what we're getting ourselves into and I'm struggling or it could be someone.

Ventura Fire Foundation (33:02.454)
more similar to you, like, and my husband, where he was in EMS for years before he got into fire. So we had an idea of what we were getting into, but that doesn't make it less hard. Like my heart is still hard. So I envision a community where we do have some type of resource and ability to have this like hub of resources, regardless of what department you're in. Your firefighter is in an academy.

your firefighter's going to paramedic school because sometimes they go to paramedic school after their firefighters. You are a fire family, now you're having your first kid. You're a fire family and you wanna buy your first house. Like all these different resources and obviously they're not going to be super specific because things from state to state or department are going to be different. But just to have these living resources and then people that we can reach out to and connect with is...

very, and I think it's desirable. think people want it and that's why we're here having this podcast, creating the Fire Family Collective, because people want it. We desire the ability to connect with people who get it. We want to be able to feel safe and seen and not be alone and ask the hard questions. Like, I'm not here to have small talk and I don't think you are either.

Jamie Renshaw (34:29.875)
Correct. Yeah.

Ventura Fire Foundation (34:31.308)
So you're a busy boss, babe. You've built an incredible business. You've supported your husband's dreams of becoming a first responder. You're raising three incredible daughters. You're showing them the world. Like, we're not here to mess around. I think that anyone listening to this, just lock arms with someone in your department. Get into the Fire Family Collective. Reach out to someone post.

in the community, we want to hear what you're going through. We want to connect with you. We want you to have your voice be heard and for you to not feel alone and know the resources. Like Jamie said too, your specific department probably offers things that you might not even know. So figuring out those things as well and sharing with the other partners is huge. When you find something out, spread the word.

Jamie Renshaw (35:26.462)
Yeah, I agree. I mean, it makes me think about volunteer firefighters too. I don't know anything about that. Like, I don't know. I don't know anything, but I'm sure there's others that do. And I think I can't imagine that like you're sleeping at home and then he leaves. Like, I just think about them sometimes. Like listening to the radio and stuff for calls. And that's so unique to that. But at the same time, like you're not the only one. And if anything,

You can have like if you want to have your own business and you want to have kids and you still have a fire spouse It is possible. It is you have to work for it It's not I'm not gonna tell you it was never like totally easy because it's still not and it's there's Tons of like messy stuff like they're just this but I think that that's just part of life Even if I was a schoolteacher or you know working some kind of other kind of job. There's gonna be Challenge that comes

Ventura Fire Foundation (36:26.925)
Yeah, we.

Jamie Renshaw (36:26.95)
with it, but it's possi- it is possible.

Ventura Fire Foundation (36:30.23)
We all have 24 hours in the day, but it is not the same 24 hours in the day. And depending on the season of life you're in, if you're in a building, a business phase, if you're in a newborn phase, if you're in a studying for a promotion phase, if you're in a health medical crisis, it looks different. And so I think sometimes even in the Fire family, we can compare and be like, why does it look so easy for Jamie?

you're probably struggling behind the scenes and I don't know what you're struggling with. So, you know, to work on Amanda's mindset of letting that go and just knowing that it is, things are possible, but maybe it's not all possible at the same time. And it, things might take longer or they might look different. And especially, you know, like you shared too, if you're a

husband gets mandated, don't just have a family member you can call and be like, hey, can you grab Ellie and take her to whatever? And then I have this appointment, I'm already meeting with the client, like you have to figure it out and it's hard.

Jamie Renshaw (37:40.347)
Yeah, well, and there, mean, COVID's a good one for that in our family because my business was considered essential. So I didn't shut down. Like I wasn't home. I was out. He was gone to work. And so like just navigating those things too, I think having a community around it is really helpful because we didn't know what we were doing at the time anyway. And I anticipate that that will happen again. I mean, last year when

we had the LA fires. Like we didn't know what was going on, but we knew that we were sending all of these reserves and people there and was it going to come here and like, you know, and our kids are watching it on the news, you know? And so to like, even like hear from other wives that like, we're safe or like we're doing good or we need help or whatever it might be, you know, was essential at that time. And I think that

having that rally in that communities and it is important. And also like I go back to like, just so you don't feel alone, like you don't feel like you're the only one going through it because you're not. You're just not.

Ventura Fire Foundation (38:51.66)
Yeah. I feel like we've talked about so many meaningful things in this time together. I hope that anyone listening, if any of this resonates to you, Jamie and I would love to see you in Fire Family Collective, our private community. You are safe and seen. You are not alone. We have social media, but we also have our own private space. And it is just so intimate.

and it's really special to just have that for us. So I'm ready to wrap it up. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?

Jamie Renshaw (39:31.576)
No, I think that's it. I'm just excited to be here and be a part of the community to support and also receive support too. I've found that even recently I reached out and people replied, you know, and they don't have to, but they want to because they just have heart. We all do. That's part of, I think, being a fire spouse.

Ventura Fire Foundation (39:57.164)
Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing your time. Thank you for sharing your heart, being vulnerable. And we look forward to seeing you more in Fire Family Collective. Thank you.

Jamie Renshaw (40:07.89)
Thank you.

Ventura Fire Foundation (40:10.905)
Okay.