Growing Up Fire and Choosing It Anyway

In this episode, host Alex turns the mic on her husband Kyle — a firefighter paramedic — for an honest, unfiltered look at what it's really like when the fire service runs on both sides of the marriage. Kyle grew up watching his dad work a 31-year career on the department, swore it would never be his path, burned out as a high school football coach, and then walked into a fire station one afternoon and smelled the same industrial cleaner his dad used — and everything changed. Together, Alex and Kyle pull back the curtain on the messy, beautiful reality of a fire family: the "safety nap" battles, the sneaky way the job becomes a third person in your marriage, the communication plans that sound great in theory, and the very intentional choices they make every single day to keep their family first. Whether you're brand new to this life or a decade deep, this conversation will make you feel seen, give you tools you can use tonight, and remind you why building a strong fire family is worth every hard conversation.

 Key Takeaways

•        Growing up as a firefighter's kid shapes your entire worldview — and Kyle's dad's Saturday-morning donut drives gave him a perspective on community he now passes on to his own daughters.

•        The moment Kyle walked into a fire station and smelled the same cleaner his dad used triggered a career-changing decision — and sometimes your calling finds you when you're not looking.

•        The "safety nap" is real, necessary, and still a source of tension — but understanding your partner's decompression style is one of the most practical tools a fire couple can have.

•        The job is a sneaky third wheel in your marriage; it doesn't announce itself, it just quietly starts making the decisions until you consciously say "not in our house."

•        Communication isn't just a buzzword — it's having an actual emergency plan for hard days, knowing each other's warning signs, and being brave enough to say "hey, you're not really here."

•        Identity outside the fire service isn't optional — for the firefighter or the spouse. When everything hinges on that one thing, the first hard season in the job puts everything at risk.

•        The best thing you can offer a rookie couple isn't advice — it's letting them know that when the hard days come (and they will), your fire family is right there.

Transcript

Alex And Kyle (00:05.376)

All right, welcome back to the Fire Family Collective podcast. I am Alex and I am hosting today, we have a little bit of a different guest, type of guest here and I actually have my husband here. So this is Kyle. Hi. Hey Kyle. And he is coming on and we're going to change it up a little bit and bring a spouse's perspective and maybe just a unique twist on what we normally talk about.

So Kyle, if you would just introduce yourself, give a little bit of your background with the service. Cause we're going to get into that. Um, and also how you got into firefighting. Cause that'll probably come up at some point too. Uh, so I've been in the fire service for roughly five years now.

Before that I grew up around it. My dad was on a department for 31 years So he's been in the fire service ever since I grew up knowing it As far as all of that I went to college straight out of high school Went into education. I think you started that was like I don't want to be a firefighter It was it was always dad's thing. That was kind of the the factor on it was it was gonna be dad's

Dad's route. It was a great backup for me if I ever decided that I wanted to kind of fall back on something but I decided I was gonna blaze my own trail. Went to college, started teaching, coaching. Did that for about four years before I decided I think I want to upgrade that and went back to get my master's degree. That went for a whole semester or so and saw the struggles and all of that.

Alex And Kyle (02:06.559)

And ironically, we took the football team to go see a fire station as far as our doing our, we had a philanthropy thing we were trying to get done for the off season and went in and we were supposed to do this big community project. And the guys at the station just said, nah, we're going to let you do the cool stuff. We're going to talk to you about being firemen and everything. And with the second I walked into that station, I smelled the same cleaners that my dad had used.

five years earlier and the nostalgia hit it triggered a memory and I called my dad up and said hey I need you to talk me off a ledge because I'm still in my master's degree in education and everything and he told me sorry buddy to wrong person to call he did not talk you off back from the ledge he talked you off the ledge he initially said hey I'm gonna push you now yeah he pushed you off

Yeah, here we are. Well, and I think it's important to say too in your career if we didn't mention Or if you haven't listened to another episode we're from the West Texas area and he was coaching in the Dallas Fort Worth area and so it's Interesting does his transition people always ask how was the time? Like how do you adjust to a fire schedule and it's like well when you coach high school football in Texas I think that schedule is like the only schedule that might be worse

Yeah, um, there were many 24 48 96 There's 72 in there. I don't know Weeks that I like wouldn't see him. Um He would come home and sleep for like two hours. So I think your career change Yes, you had it as a backup, but you kind of had Um burnout is a good way to put it guess burnout from that first career pushed you to call your dad. Yeah for sure

That was the whole reason for looking into changing, getting out of the classroom and into administration was to this schedule and burned out from having it done and then moved into something else. And I say it to everybody else, but now my best or my worst day in the fire service is better than my best days anywhere else. Yeah. Yeah. And we've talked about,

Alex And Kyle (04:18.818)

just that transition. And like you said, your dad talking you into it. So let's kind of back up a little bit. We mentioned your dad was on the department for 31 ish years. And so you grew up around it. I asked you earlier today, cause I don't think I knew he was a firefighter when you were born. Was that when he was at the Navy? Yeah, he did. Yeah. He started off right out of high school, got hired on and did a stint for six or eight years and then decided to enlist.

Did four years in the Navy and then came back and finished out the rest of his career and retired 20 years after that. But all you know is the fire life. Like you never had a dad on a nine-to-five. Nope. Nope. He was always Kelly schedule. So that's what we grew up with. And again, look that up because it's so hard to explain.

But yeah, so I grew up knowing that and it was always a predictable knowing when he was going to be on and when he was going to be off. And then I also knew that I'd always be working on his days off as I grew up and got enlisted into helping him out in all the side jobs. Yeah. So what was that like being, and I want you to kind of think about this in perspective of you being a firefighter now. What was having your growing up as a child of a firefighter?

What are some things that maybe you experienced or just differences with that life? That have kind of fueled what you maybe do with our kids now Or how you see the job now? that make sense? Yeah So just knowing the schedule is kind of the defining factor especially as a kid You're always trying to figure out when mom and dad are gonna be around to do be able to do things so just

you know, everybody makes that sacrifice of trying to be at games or practices or events, recitals, whatever it is that we're all getting involved into. And just knowing that just because I'm on shift now and I can't make it to, as it always seems, we got something. We just got something today. I was like, oh, her recital or no, kindergarten graduation. I was like, oh, of course you're on shift. Yeah. So I think that was my exact reaction this morning. And just making sure that the kit, my girls now know that, uh,

Alex And Kyle (06:43.148)

It's not a, I'm not.

You don't want to miss. I don't want to miss. I still want to be there. It's something that I can't help, obviously. But just making sure that they know that even though I'm not there, I want to be there. And it's not like it's a holiday or a vacation for me when I'm able to get there. And so, and was your dad big on making sure he was still involved? And I mean, he's a great dad. And so I don't know this is going to come out kind of weird, but.

Was your dad still intentional about making sure he was involved in not just being your dad when he's there, but in your life growing up? yeah, yeah. And it was every opportunity. We used to an old tradition too. He would take me and my sister in the car on Saturday mornings and we'd go get donuts and chocolate milk. And then he would drive us around town to different sides of town.

that we didn't grow up on, but he also grew up on some of those sides of town and then he worked on different stations throughout the city and just kind of gave us little life lessons and lectures and things as we drove around Saturday mornings eating donuts and picked up on what we could. But just seeing how other people live and getting us to appreciate what we had. So he'd always come up with creative ways to make sure that we're... Well, I think that also gave you perspective growing up maybe. I mean...

You've done that to me. We've gotten coffee and all of a sudden we're on the tour of our town. And he's like, oh yeah, we fought this fire here. Remember that story I told you? That was right here. I'm like, okay. Three hours later. But it's been interesting because when you grow up in a certain area or maybe you grow up in a town or you live in a town that your spouse works in a different town. We've talked about that on here too. A lot of bigger Metroplex people are firefighters. Maybe you live in one suburb and work in another. But it's...

Alex And Kyle (08:38.668)

I love that he instilled that in you and you didn't just grow up in your bubble. You got to see even where he grew up. He grew up on a whole different side of town. Just getting to experience more of the city, more of the people around because we're all guilty of falling within our own bubbles and not really expanding beyond that. And gave you that perspective. Yeah. Which I think has helped as you've grown up, like you worked with and you taught kids from a different demographic and different economic status than you grew up in. You now serve.

people of all different character, uniqueness. I'm just going to put it all in that one word instead of having to go down the list. But, so kind of in that same idea of when you were growing up, were there things that you observed with your parents and their marriage and how they worked together or how the family dynamic was when dad was at the station and when he was home and they were together, I don't know, things that stick out to you and your memory or also things that you

take into our marriage now? Yeah, so I mean, I can't lie and say it wasn't different when mom and dad were, when mom was home, dad was at the station and vice versa. Our kids would probably say the same. There's definitely a different dynamic going on, but it's funny, fire families are comprised of two very strong individuals that are stronger together, but we have to.

 be able to separate and also still run a household. And that's where a lot of the sacrifice comes on the end of the spouse. Yeah, think fire spouses, first responders spouses, I mean, your sister, unfortunately married a cop. We will hold that against her. She's still in the family though. For now. But there's this independence that we have to have. And I think some people naturally

 Are that way I think I was a little bit independent already And then some people we have a lot of friends that we've talked to that they have had to grow into that like how do I? Run the household by myself without feeling super overwhelmed, but it I mean it is different you do have to very have to be independent individuals and of course I wasn't in on all the conversations at night between mom and dad and everything but you could tell that they communicated that's I feel like that's probably the biggest thing was

 Alex And Kyle (11:01.571)

They knew what the expectation was with each other and with what needed to get done and how it was going to get done. And even though there were still obvious differences between them, whenever one was home and one wasn't, things still got done and we still got to the goal that they were intending for us as a family. Well, you've mentioned too the difference in when dad was at the station versus when dad was home, just the dynamic shift. I think your mom...

 It's multiplied by 50 with the grandkids, but I think she's the easier one out of the two and I think she would say that and he would say that too. So I don't, I mean it's recorded now. Uh, yeah, for sure. And it's of course gotten a lot, she's gotten a lot more latched with grandkids because apparently that's just what you do. do. Eat candy all the time. Yeah, for sure. It's one of those, I look at her and say, I would never have gotten away with that. Your dad even, but.

 But no, was, dad was a joke growing up. I was called him the task master just because he would come in and have those expectations of we're going to get this done today because this is what needs to get done today. And it's kind of a, it's something I've realized now that I've gotten further into my career here. He ran the house a lot like fire station and I've picked up on.

 why he did things the way he did. so much more sense now. And now you do it here. Now I'm guilty of getting it done We will not get into the dishwasher discussions. Okay. It's a, it's a very good system. We'll put it that way. It's a very, it's a system. It's a system. But yeah, he did, he ran a lot of your home efficiently, I guess. And you learned that from the station. Yeah. And it gave me a lot of, we do it with our kids now too is it's that

 distribution of responsibilities. Everybody has certain things that they're responsible for at the fire station on shift. know, lower guys are doing this and the senior guys are doing this. The officers are responsible for whatever it is. And it kind of breaks its way down to the house the same way. It's the girls, as soon as they get a certain age, they're going to pick up dog poop because that's a job that the captain doesn't want to do. Sorry, captain. We all know who's in charge.

 Alex And Kyle (13:25.191)

But yeah, so you did, I mean, you've gotten some perspective now that you're on the department yourself of, that's why dad did that. That's why he was giving us rakes as our birthday gift. Yeah, there were lots of epiphanies that I've had over the last couple of years and I've had those conversations with him and said, I'm sorry, I didn't understand now or then I do now. So how did you, did your, I don't know, did you ever notice,

 days maybe when your dad had a hard call or had a hard night and his kind of reentry to home. So I never really noticed it. He was pretty good at keeping everything separate and either decompressing before or after. Like said, he did work second job like a lot of us do. And most of the time he would come in and get straight to that. And then I would notice that he wasn't coming.

 home directly afterwards. It was one of those like, no dad will be home later. He's going to go. He's having dinner with a couple of friends or whatever it was. Come to find out later. It was him with his crew or him with other guys that he's on the department with that were going out and discussing things and having their own little debriefs and kind of processing what was happening. Whether it's drama on the department, calls that they ran, things going on with the city, all the stuff that we all deal with. But then keeping that kind of

 apartmentalized away from home and more on his own shoulders and on the guys that were all there helping support us and then he would come home and be a dad. He didn't have to really worry about that and that's a struggle that we all do. I know I come home beat down after shifts and just all I want to do is just be able to reset and if I can do that, you know, take a two hour nap, reset and just come back, I'm a lot easier to deal with but we don't always get that luxury.

 I can't imagine your dad did, he worked heating and air. And so like you said, you got roped into climbing through sweaty attics and the, and that was the one thing you said, you're like, I'm not doing heating in there. Heck to the no. And so you now teach at the academy here and that's kind of your second job, which thankfully, I mean, it's great. It takes your previous career and bridges that gap, but it's crazy to think like there's so many days you come home and you're just completely exhausted.

 Alex And Kyle (15:45.201)

And there are some days you don't teach so you get the luxury if I'm teaching at if I'm at work that you get to come home and take a nap but a lot of guys like they don't get that and so I don't know just like maybe what advice I don't know if other fire spot like firefighter spouses are gonna listen to this but how can we as fire wives support y'all or When we know like sometimes you just need rest and I know that was early in your career. That was hard for me I'd be like

 No, like you can have a nap later where we have kids we have to take care of and I've been keeping them alive for the last 24 hours by myself. You get to change this diaper and you're like, if you would just let me sleep for an hour. Yeah, the ever. So don't think we have this perfect. No, no. The ever sacred safety nap is usually what I try to do. Safety naps what we decide is necessary. It gets into the same situations here. I mean, just figuring out what your.

 which your spouse is capable of and how they handle their own stress and everything. I'm one of those that if I can just decompress by myself for like I an hour or so, I'm usually a little bit better than having to jump right in and dealing with people again. My social, not meter, but tank is empty. It's been drained and then having to deal with it is the hard part.

 hardest thing I deal with is I know that I have a strong family and I know that we're here for each other. and that's usually the first time, first place that I let my guard slide when I shouldn't. it's a duty to be with the public and to deal with all of their stuff that I need to, cause it's my job. and then when I come home, I have that realization of I don't have to do that. No one's forcing me to also be here and you won't get fired. it's, and it's a very, it's, it's a,

 Thing I struggle with specifically because I know that's not how it should be but it's It's one of those things we're still working through. Yeah. Well, we've talked about that where like at work You can't let something slip because someone's life is at stake. You could get fired, know, like there's you can't Say no. Yeah, there's we're at home. You're like if I say no to this and go take a nap instead like We'll work it out later. She'll forget me, you know, so it is easy to fall into

 Alex And Kyle (18:13.732)

For me, it's easy, I mean on the spouse side, I'll speak for myself, but it's easy to fall into a resentment in that. And we've had many times where we've had to talk each other out of that. It causes me to resent myself for the same reasons. And I think that's good to hear because a lot of times I think, he's just mad because I'm pissed off that he has to take a nap. And he's mad at me because I won't let him take a nap. But to know that you're missing being home.

 Just as much because I feel like you get to go to station and just hang out with your boys Which is true, and that's why I love this job and I'm here changing diapers like but you know There's there's great days and then there's not so great days and it's it's still even the greatest days there we we all wish we were still back home and be with family instead of having to Deal with the things we deal with yeah

 Yeah, I think that's been something we've to work through and I mean we still do we still have many It comes up a lot by no means are we perfect nor am I so yeah So on those days, I mean when the shift is heavy Maybe you had a bad call or like the other day y'all didn't run a call all day But then all night you were up and so you still blaming the rookie for that. Yeah, okay note to rookies out there and rookie spouses Don't ever say

 It's it's the key word. It's the whatever you want to call it Just like in baseball. It's the no-hitter. You don't talk about it if that's what's going on because immediately it's going to change and that's what happened the rookie decided to Speak up about his displeasure of how the shift has been going and so the universe said hold your just Sit down, but I'll show you how this is gonna go. Yeah

 And lucky for him, I decided to take the report. So I stayed up all night. He did not have to, but. Of course. So on those days when it is kind of hard or, you know, maybe when you come home, you just need that moment to decompress, to take a nap. You don't want to talk to anyone. What's the biggest thing, I guess, that we can do as spouses or family, even our kids could do to just help you out?

 Alex And Kyle (20:30.8)

Communication, you're hear that throughout the fire service all the time. That's what we always focus on because it's the most important thing and in life too, being able to talk to people and understanding the expectations between each other is your biggest thing. just kind of having a, I guess doomsday situation ready to go. Code words, just reading each other's mental and physical beings when you walk in.

 All of us have that look when we're physically tired. Kind of noticing that and I understand we're all busy with our own things. We have our own agendas for the day. But having that discussion beforehand is probably the easiest way to get that at least started. So that you're not just like, ah, what happens? Yeah, so it's not like- You have a plan. You have an emergency plan. You're able to at least know kind of how you're going to attempt to handle things. Of course, nothing ever goes to plan. But it's better than sitting there winging it and just trying to-

 poke holes and maybe this will work and that's usually going to just never end. Yeah. needs to. At some point you have to sit down and make the plan like just like you would make a fire escape route for your house, which we should do. Which we kind of already had that fire escape thing for sure. But the other thing with us is we've had this weird thing in our relationship. Anytime we start to do a major factor of

 life or next step in the relationship or anything. We have a discussion discussion about it. have lots of discussions. Whether it's over coffee or four more. It's like, we ever actually going to do it? I don't know. Yeah. But we will sit and hash out the whole idea before it ever ever even happens. I'm fairly certain we weighed the pros and cons before we first kissed. Cons. kidding. There's plenty. But communication is huge. What are some things maybe that

 I mean, I don't even know because it's all in your brain, but you intentionally do to show up for us at home to show up for me To show up for the girls. What are some things that you intentionally do to reconnect with us? And maybe even you're about to tell me something. I never noticed that you did I don't know or maybe I'm making you think about it I know one thing that I always kind of get to and there's a lot of guys that are like this. We're very good domestics

 Alex And Kyle (22:52.561)

the fire station makes us that Yeah, I don't cook anymore. When he was coaching, I had to cook all the time and he will never let me make salsa chicken ever again. I mean, know, 22 times in a row. The solution to that is, you know, become a firefighter so that you can cook and now I don't have to. So, but yeah, like the small things, looking around and of course, you know, with a house full of kids and everything else going on, nothing's ever clean. those Or maybe that's just us.

 Just the ability to come home and take that quick break. And then it's like, okay, what can I do to make things better and easier for all of us? Whether that's I go grocery shopping, I'm already used to doing it every shift that I go out. So I can go do grocery shopping. can meal plan. I can pick up the little things, do the ever argumentative dishwasher. anyway, just the simple things like that, small tasks that are menial, but mean a lot.

 and don't necessarily do it for the noticement of it. That's not really a word. But you know, that's what I get overwhelmed with. Yes. And so that's, that's my small way of saying, if I can keep up with this and I know that she doesn't have that hanging over her head. You're serving. Yes. Yeah. That's that acts of service thing that we, I try to be a little bit better of. And then I know too, because of how you are, the being able to, once you're home, that's all done so that we can have that.

 personal relationship again and have that time together. Well, I think that's a different dynamic too. It would be interesting to get a stay at home mom's opinion. I do work full time and so you know my six o'clock by the time I get home to 830 at night that's when I have time to do something or on the weekends and the weekends of course I want to not do anything because I've been doing stuff all week and so days when luckily you are off and you're not teaching

 I mean it doesn't go unnoticed when things get done because then I can come home from work and I can just decompress instead of having to do the 87 things. Which you know that's kind of a...

 Alex And Kyle (25:01.617)

The other side of all this is realizing myself that I'm not the only one with a stressful job. And on my days off that I'm home when she does come home with the kids and everything and letting her have that time to decompress and having the conversations back and forth. Cause it, it definitely works both ways. Well, we've had many conversations where like, well you're home and I'm like, well, no, I was at work. Like I was home for maybe two hours before we went to bed. Cause when the kids go to bed, if he's not here, I go to bed. So.

I'll be grandma on those nights. And it's the same thing too. She'll say, well, you had the day off. What did you do all day? Well, I decided I was going to go play golf or I needed to do a project or, know, was enlisted to help my dad yet again, because that's still what happens. never get out of that. No, but he at least is repaying me and helping me with all my things. So we've talked to this kind of a shift, but we've talked about how sometimes for the firefighter, it is easy for the job to encompass your life.

It's easy to make that your whole identity And it's easy for families too. I think we are a fire family and that's like your whole identity I talked in the previous episode with Amanda that I was on about I had you looked at me one day. We're like dude. You need a hobby and I said What's a hobby? don't know it was funny though because once we figured that out the calendar every time you do have your Yeah, real full, the the calendar event title was Alex found a hobby. Yeah

But finding things outside of the fire service to also be in your identity. It's really easy to have the job swallow up your whole life. And when it does, I mean when things go bad, when you have a bad call, I think it affects you a little bit more when you don't have anything outside of that. So how do you handle it? Like just making sure that that's not all you are. You're not just...

Everybody's hero. Yeah Let's be real the cops are everybody's But just having a hobby and Just realizing this is a job I feel like a lot of guys get bogged down in thinking that They're going to be the ones to change things in their department and that when they're done

 Alex And Kyle (27:28.613)

they will have left a lasting legacy that everybody will connect back to them and everyone will talk about how great things were when this guy was there. And that is the case for some, but the overwhelming majority is, you know, the next iteration of whoever's next to you will come in and then by the time somebody replaces him. Yeah. The policies you wrote that you work so hard and spend all that time away from family and doing all the other stuff for have either been overwritten or

 have been changed because somebody else decided they were going to do the exact same thing. It's a fantastic job. We all do it because we're fixers. We all do it because we have the betterment of human beings in mind. But we have to remember that we're also human and that we also have to look out for our own well-being. I feel like that's been a big struggle with a lot of things, a big push with mental health lately, especially within this field.

 So being able to decompress in something that you actually find worth in, beyond the job. And then same thing goes for the spouses. Nobody wants to be, I'm that guy's wife or I am a fire wife or you're your own individual and you have been before you met us. Well, and think it's really important for us to have an identity outside of the fire service because yeah, we are more than a fire wife.

 and when everything is, for both of us, is hinged on that life, well when that life gets stressful, we're gonna have issues. Because we don't have an escape from it. Yeah, yeah, we don't have an escape and if that's the only pin holding y'all together, that's already stressed as is. Yeah, yeah. So, it's easy for it to creep in and become our identity.

 Or kind of like where we were just going with that thought like it's like almost like it's a third wheel in our marriage Like it's you me and the job So how do we keep the department from being you know that third person? So finding things to do together Outside of it is a great thing if one of you has a hobby and the other one is potentially interested in that hobby That is fantastic. Even if you're horrible at it. Yeah

 Alex And Kyle (29:49.393)

It's time together doing something that you both enjoy that you can both make that connection again through. I highly recommend there's going to be people on this department that are going to be lifelong friends, especially in this career field. We found a few that we continuously hang out with. We did the same thing. I get to debrief with my buddy a little bit about what he does, how he ran things. We kind of bounce ideas off each other. We let them...

 talk about what they need to do. Our kids are running around together just kind of entertaining themselves. feral. But having that to a connection of somebody who understands what you're going through because they're going through the exact same thing. And being able to bounce ideas and bounce and just live life together through that but without having the weight of trying to be perfect. And I think it's important too to note like there's a lot of people that probably listen

 to this podcast or we hope listen to this podcast that may not have a department where you find people. Maybe it's a small department, maybe you're on a volunteer basis, whatever, insert your situation here, but you haven't found people to connect with. if the great thing about the Fire Family Collective or social media is like we can connect with people who maybe aren't in our area. And I've connected with some people that don't live by us at all, but I know that they still understand. And I think

 going back to like being the third person in your marriage, we had a conversation recently, just some stuff has been stressful at work and going on, that we finally said, hey, the job does not get to control our family. We're not going to let the job have control of our family. And I think that's, it's a choice you make. I think it's a very sneaky choice when it does control.

 things in your marriage, when it controls your attitude, when it controls what's going on at home. I don't think it comes in and you're just one day like, yeah, the job said this. Like, no, it just sneaks in where you're prioritizing the job or you're, you've kind of had it more where the stress of the job and things going on at work have just festered in your mind at home. And I have looked, you know, there's been multiple times I've looked at you and said, hey, you're not really here.

 Alex And Kyle (32:08.784)

And I don't know if like you notice it Maybe you do notice it and you just don't know how to get out of it sometimes or you don't notice how much it's bothering you But it's important that You notice we notice whatever your marriage you notice when the job is starting to take control of your marriage When it's starting to take control of your family life at home and saying nope stop right there Yes, we love our fire family. You absolutely love

 your job. I love that you love your job. But it does not get to have control over our home. So we've had many conversations about that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a, that's a hard thing to sit yourself down and look at too, because the problems of other places shouldn't come up with you. And that's one of the hardest things with this job is whether that's a call, whether that's the guys you work with, whether that's the department you're on, the city you work for, the county you work for.

 insert scenario here. whatever it may be. Bringing that stress home is what...

 Breaks the rest of everything that you care about and we've been talking to rookies a lot or cadets at the academy a lot about that and like right now They don't know right now. They're like, yeah, you say that I'm never gonna do that and then we were the same way So that's really when you've been in the service Wives and The one that's on the department reaching out to those newbies and saying hey, it may not be bothering now and you think you're untouchable Maybe don't phrase it that way. That sounds kind of rude, but

 Hey, when this does happen, we're here. We've been through it, we go through it constantly. We're never gonna stop going through it until you retire and then still then we might, you know? But hey, you've got your fire family. When this does happen, reach out to us. If you need us. And that's one of the greatest things about this job is you do get two families.

 Alex And Kyle (34:11.12)

It's not just showing up at the bank nine to five. Yeah, it's one you pick and it's one you reluctantly decided to get roomed with essentially. But it's our roommate. Okay. Um, on that, I mean, marriage, advisor rookies coming into this, what insert, whatever we've talked about, do you have anything else you want to share? I mean, I said, communications, your biggest, biggest friend, uh, having hard conversations is of course hard, but it does help. Um,

 just a growth part of living and and if one of you is thinking it the other one is either not noticing or they're thinking it too yeah and there's still times it's like we don't tell each other things and we need to and it'll build up for a while and then we blow up blow up and we come back together afterwards and yeah figure it out yeah okay so priority one

 That's so cheesy. I honestly love a cheesy name, but lightning round. Here we go. Whatever your department calls it. That's the thing too. I've learned through Fire Family Collective, there's like for instance, you just tested for driver, which is what we call it here.

 and other departments called operator or engineer. I'm like, engineer sounds fancy. I don't know if you get that title. It's just one of the things we get. I I'm just bitter because I have an engineering degree and like, you don't get that. That I teach with them. I'm just trying to make the truck go wee woo. Just hoping for the best. Okay. So a lightning round. got some hopefully fun questions for you that you don't have to think. So fun. okay. So what is one firehouse meal? Okay. You have two answers for this.

 One firehouse meal that you love to cook because you have become the cook at whichever station you're at to be honest when you're swinging. What is one that you love to cook and what is the one most requested by the guys? So that's another thing I just thought of for anybody out there who's getting into this. If you can cook, you're going to be the favorite. If you can't cook, learn. Okay, so funny. I'll be really quick with this.

 Alex And Kyle (36:18.531)

My brother one of my brother's best friends growing up was on the department for a little while and he can cook and he had to learn to cook for himself Because I think at one point he was vegan and you have to cook at that point Especially this was before like vegan food was really made But his whole rookie year he never cooked and he like refused and he kept telling him like no like I just don't cook and I think one time he cooked and he made it just mediocre so they were like,

 He is not cooking anymore and that's how, because once you show you can, like you unfortunately did, you get wrapped into it. I did the same thing. had, I took me 30 minutes to decide I wanted to make pork chops. So the guy said, you're never going to pick a meal again. And then I didn't have to my rookie year. was just the sous chef, which was perfectly fine. But as far as like one of the most requested things, I'd make this tomato bacon jam.

 everybody seems to like so that's usually what I try to do. we have an intruder. 

 Go out there with Sissy, she can open it.

 Alex And Kyle (37:35.534)

It was a child. Well in this house you never know. Okay, we're good. So, favorite firehouse now? yeah, so going back to tomato bacon jam. So that's probably what I'd, I get requested the most. it's just your tomato bacon jam. Well, it's all, it goes on things. I make these burgers that are a little complex, the Italian sausage hamburger meat, pepperonis.

 with fancy mozzarella. Yeah, I make mozzarella patties and all kinds of stuff. But that's not your favorite to make because you won't make it at home because it's complicated. It's just labor intensive. But it's one of those that if I feel like treating anybody, that's usually what I'll go with. treat. Yeah. What is one thing that you wish every fire wife knew about what happens on shift? I kind of said it earlier. As much fun as we have at the fire station, we love being there. We would rather be home. It's just more, you know.

 It's a job and it's a good job and it's fun and we get to have fun with everybody but we still miss home. We still wish we were with you guys. What is one piece of station wisdom I guess that you would instill on a rookie coming in? Biggest thing I can stand on is just be observant. Number one, know the expectations of what your department and specifically your crew

 of you and figure that out fast. And then last on top of that is just observe what's going on. If you realize that my guys like to drink a pot of coffee after we hang out after lunch and two clock rolls around, there's usually a pot of coffee getting made, be the one to make it. Just pick up on that and it's gonna be noticed and it's gonna put that in their minds that you are.

 figuring things out and that you want to be here so that when you do mess up, because you will, because that's why we're rookies first, you'll have things that they can fall back on. like, yeah, but he's really good around the station. He's trying, he knows he wants to be here. So. Yeah. Okay. Maybe a little more fun question. That was kind of serious. What is one guilty pleasure, I guess, that you do at the station that we don't do at home?

 Alex And Kyle (39:49.872)

Like maybe a show y'all watch or something that you do. So I leave all the rom-coms and the dramas here. That's usually where we're watch them while you're on shift. Probably the thing that I indulge in over there, we love to deep dive into conspiracy theories and conspiracy documentaries or YouTube shorts on things like that. That's where we...

 lose ourselves. We go down the rabbit hole for a little bit. You love to play a devil's advocate. Oh that's yeah that's my favorite. Whether you believe in it or not. Yeah I guess flip side of that my guilty pleasure is I watch all the medical shows when you're on shift. I think the only one that we can watch together is The Pit. I've enjoyed you haven't seen that. Not too bad. No Grey's Anatomy, no Station 19, no 911s. I will watch them by myself though because I don't know any better. No it's it's hilarious to watch their attempt at medicine and fire and yeah.

 Love a good show. Okay, so last one, kind of your why, I guess. At the end of a long career, what do want your legacy to be, both at the station, around the department, and at home? Just hope that by the end of this, it's one of those that guys enjoyed working with me. I helped as many people as I came across that I was able to. And then home, I just want to build a strong relationship together.

 Good kids that are going to go out and be good citizens in the world and hopefully be happy healthy and faithful in Whatever they decide to choose Well, thanks for joining me today. Yeah, I'm here every other day I don't know how much choice you had. Yeah, I'm here all day Chose to be here ten years ago. Yeah, so thank y'all for joining the fire family collective We're glad that you were here today to listen to this episode and

 Like we said, keep that communication line open and keep your family strong. And if you don't have people to lean on, find those people. Thanks for joining us.