Mornin Bitches
A cursing, foul mouth old ladies take on the present world!!! Filled with her opinions, views on current events, and special guest appearances!
Mornin Bitches
Lights, Camera, I Do: Decoding the Dazzle of a Reality TV Wedding Spectacle
Prepare to be whisked away to the ultimate union of glitz and romance as I recount the live, televised matrimony of Reality TV's most adored duo, Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist. The golden carpet at the resplendent Laquinta Resort set the stage for vows exchanged under an international spotlight, with the entire nation watching. Esteemed LA Times journalists Greg Braxton and Meredith Blake join me to spill the tea on everything from the behind-the-scenes drama to the heartfelt moments that defined this Reality TV milestone. Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions, including an intimate look at finalist Leslie Fhima's journey, and even catch a whiff of what the franchise might be cooking up next. Could it be a Golden Bachelorette? Only time will tell!
As we toast to Gerry and Theresa's love, we dissect the fabric of their public display of affection against a backdrop of relentless product placements. The sparkle of their genuine connection battles the glare of the spotlight—does true love truly conquer all? Weighing the balance between the orchestrated glimmer of live television and the couple's desire for authenticity, we reflect on the spectacle and speculate about their true wishes for this day. Don't miss this exclusive chat with Greg Braxton and Meredith Blake, as we unravel the intricacies of love in the limelight and ponder the future of Reality TV's endearing pursuit of love.
MORNIN BITCHES PODCAST
Morning bitches and dolls. No one told you they love you today. Then I love you because you're you. Yes, it's your TikTok Bobby doing her podcast. It's been a while, I know. So it's January 8th, monday. Usually do them on Tuesday and Saturday.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to talk about the Golden Bachelor, gary Turner and Theresa Nist, as they pledge their love in live right, happily ever after for these two. Ok, the first major TV event was written by Greg Braxton and Meredith Blake. Ok, the first major TV event of 2024 revolves around the live televised wedding of the royal couple. In this case, it's not members of the British Royal British Royalty in the spotlight. Instead, the stars are Reality TV Royalty. Gary Turner, AKA the Golden Bachelor, who married financial services professional Theresa Nist during a two-hour special Thursday. The ceremony was broadcast live on the East Coast on ABC and let's go back and two hours later, on the West Coast, it is now available to stream on Hulu. I don't have Hulu, ok, but I watched it live. Well, not live, but you know what I mean. The network pulled out all of the stops for the ceremony at the lavish Lakinta Resort and Club near Palm Springs. And, by the way, pittman Casting did the casting. Jackie Pittman cast me in my first thing that I did getting a tattoo on TV and bad tattoo on A&E Hi, jackie.
Speaker 1:The nuptials were the culmination of a hugely successful season for the popular Bachelor franchise, as the spin-off centered on Turner, a 72-year-old widow looking for a new life partner, turner proposed to Nist in the final, selecting her over 21 other contestants who competed for his affections. One of them, susan Knowles, officiated at the ceremony. Another, kathy Swartz, interviewed arrivals on the gold carpet. I would have loved that job. That's me. That's my dream job, ok. Almost half the other women featured on the show were in attendance. Among them were Leslie FEMA, one of the finalists whose heart broke in response to Turner when he informed her he was choosing Nist as his bride to be instead of her, nearly overshadowed the upbeat ending of the season. Rob Young, turner's son-in-law, was best man, while Jen Wolston, nis' daughter, was the maid of honor.
Speaker 1:Times writers Greg Braxton and Meredith Blake discussed some of the big moments of the Golden Wedding in real time. Here are highlights of their conversation. Greg Braxton says so cool to be sharing the big day with you, meredith, but I have to ask are you feeling about Leslie Looking on as Gary gets married to. Teresa, you were not a big fan of how we handle the situation. I certainly wouldn't want to watch my ex, who had broken my heart, getting married. I can relate to that. When my ex, the second, mr Mark Kitty, mr Tiktok, bobby, mr SJ, married his wife Alchampeh Azmiah, I wasn't anywhere near that and I didn't want to see the pictures. Meredith Blake says Greg, the pleasure is all mine and I have dusted off my finest cocktail attire, read sweatpants and gotten a sparkling new manicure. Ok, it's three weeks old and chipped and I'm ready for the big night.
Speaker 1:Despite the downer of a finale, I personally can't wait to watch Gary and Teresa become a husband and wife, as God and Bob Iger intended, live on the American Broadcasting Company. I am sure it will be a hard night for Leslie who, in the interest of full disclosure, was my favorite, but it probably would have been even harder to get labeled a swolelouza on social media. It's also a smart move for Leslie to show up and keep her head held high if she wants to become the first golden bachelorette, as many have speculated. Greg, what will you be looking for this evening? We've seen plenty of reality TV wedding specials over the years, but the live nature of this event feels pretty unprecedented. Raxston, unless Leslie decides to stand up and object to them getting married, I don't expect any kind of major drama going taking place. Knowing how the production of the franchise is so heavily managed and produced, I'm sure things will be timed down to the minute, blake says.
Speaker 1:A pre-tape package shows Gary and Teresa's family hanging out over the holidays sharing cherished cinnamon bowl recipes and also casually mentioning their Amazon wedding registry. It took about nine whole minutes for a blatant product placement. How many more can we expect this evening? Raxston, leslie, who just arrived as being very gracious on the gold carpet, she says we all have to be supportive for love. She is beyond being a good sport.
Speaker 1:Blake, with all due respect to Gary, I've always maintained that the real stars of the golden bachelors were the ladies, and the producers seem to know that, bringing back several fan favorites in the opening red carpet portion of the evening, including pickleball enthusiasts Ella Goldser and Katie Zippert Swartz, who was correspondent on the golden carpet for the evening, which I endorse as ASKN fan. Oh wait, whatever. Raxston, jesse Palmer, host of the Bachelor and Bachelor at all ready, deserves to be the MVP because he's hosting the wedding instead of being home with his wife who's about to give birth. Blake, not jihadi, aka the lady who gave a hilarious speech about how producers needed to give the show's contested chairs to sit in the rose ceremonies is that the ceremony? Wearing what else? Chain earrings, cherry in earrings? Excuse me? She takes a moment on camera to give a pep talk to the folks at home sitting on the couch. To get out there and find love. Make yourself number one because you are number one. Someone get this woman a talk show.
Speaker 1:Stat Braxton, conducting interviews by the open bar, kathy lamence. I'm here without a drink and that's never a good thing. She really does need her own show. So do I, blake?
Speaker 1:In another taped segment, teresa tries on wedding gowns designed by Bagley Mishka. Former contestant Susan Knowles will be the evening's Efficient. Efficient it efficient is there to crack jokes, while Teresa's one-time nemesis, kathy, is also there to help her get into the elaborate dresses. It is my joy to zip it up for Teresa. She says. I see what you did there, kathy Braxton.
Speaker 1:Worth pointing out that the rise of COVID-19 and the flu no one is wearing a mask at this wedding. I guess they really wouldn't fit in well with the fairytale feeling, braxton. So of course we have some breaking news at the wedding, because the nuptials aren't enough. Braden Bowis, who was the kind of villain on season 20 of the bachelorette Proposed to his girlfriend, christina Mandrell, who we met on bacheloring paradise not surprising that he would try to get attention on the big day. So what? Let people have attention. Isn't that what reality television is all about? I've been on a number of reality TV shows. There's nothing wrong with that. As To stave off criticism about the limelight stealing, jesse Palmer comes back after the break and explains that Braden asked Gary and Teresa For permission to propose on the air. Mmm, okay, braxton, yeah, whatever, blake.
Speaker 1:Teresa's bachelorette Party features more plugs for Amazon's wedding registry, a, a booed war photo shoot and a gaggle of male strippers. Yay, whoo honey, braxton. They didn't even strip down to the skivvies. The men kept their pants on. How can a stripper keep his pants on its? After all, it's still Disney, blake.
Speaker 1:The ceremony is finally here. Gary walks down the aisle to oh they Marie a classic and probably cheaper to license than journey, with Teresa waiting at the top of the aisle. It's time for a commercial break, braxton. Gary does not look like a novice groom at all. He's ready, braxton. And of course we just can't have an uninterrupted ceremony without commercial breaks. It kind of takes a lot of the emotion out of the ceremony. If we have to sell bladder protection stuff and die, what do you expect at our age? It would be funny if they had bladder protection pads in the gift back as the guests leave. I heard they did. By the way, blake, with the prescription drug commercials out of the way, teresa finally gets to walk down the aisle. She looks beautiful and Gary is, of course, bowling.
Speaker 1:Blake Susan is Representing southeastern Pennsylvania with her Delco accent and I'm here for it like cheese on a wah-wah hoagie. Braxton, susan, you have both given us so much hope that it never, never is too late to find love. That's because of you too, braxton. Teresa, I love you with all my heart and I cannot wait to be your wife. I like very sweet vows by Teresa without a single mention of Amazon. Love is real. Gary to Teresa, you were the love that came silently and without wanting. The man has a way with wades, leslie, be a paid to sell. No wedding tantrum, no last-minute drama. Very on bachelor. And she looked fabulous while doing it even better. I can't believe she's there. I just have to say, because I had the same surgery as she did intestinal blockage in 1999, not to take anything away from her, I couldn't walk for six fucking weeks and I was in bed, but she's a trooper that one.
Speaker 1:Gary and Teresa came out while the emotions played. Best of my love, or, to be more precise, is the same five-second lyric-free loop of the song plays on repeat and a dreadful cover version of Journey's Don't Stop Believing, which, sorry, gary and Jerry I always want to say Jerry instead of Gary and Teresa will always make me think of Tony Soprano. That conclusion was awfully rushed and you think they could have maybe cut back on some of the blatant plugs for Amathon. Hey, did you hear they have a wedding registry To leave room for more of the celebration and the broadcast? But maybe it's for the best if the happy couple gets to dance party in private after so many moments on camera. And after all, in the first Golden Bachelor wedding was a night full of product placement and corporate synergy, punctuated by some moments of genuine emotion, and that's good enough for me. Now, please, can we get a Golden Bachelorette already.
Speaker 1:As expected, there was a lot of emotion and tears throughout the ceremony and it does appear that Gary and Teresa truly love each other and should have a very bright and fun future ahead of them. But I also wonder if they would have preferred a more intimate and private event, since this ceremony was continually sideswiped by product placement and an endless stream of commercials which really robbed the most important day of their life new life of momentum. It's almost a surprise that Mickey Mouse didn't show up. Brie Lawson and the rest of the cast from the recent box office disaster, the Marvels Could have dropped in to tell viewers our movie will be on Disney Plus soon. Give us another chance. I guess that's the price you pay for getting married on live television. I probably would have gotten married if I was on that show on live television, of course, because I love live television. I love live television. And that's your tic-tac Bubby reading from the LA Times. The LA Times, from the two fabulous Greg Braxton and Meredith Blake, their take on the Golden Bachelors wedding Love ya, love ya, bye.