Mornin Bitches

Your Stars Align While Uncle Sam Collects

• S.J. Mendelson

Share episode

Your favorite TikTok Bubbie delivers a cosmic twist to Tax Day with a heartfelt horoscope reading for every sign of the zodiac. Weaving personal connections throughout—from an Aries son to multiple Leo husbands sharing the same birthday—these star-guided insights offer both humor and wisdom during a time typically dominated by financial stress.

"Some people might be doubting you. They just don't know any better yet," I reassure my fellow Libras, while reminding Scorpios that today's seemingly pointless busy work builds foundations for future success. Each sign receives a personalized message, complete with birthday predictions and lucky numbers for the gamblers among you.

The conversation shifts from celestial matters to healthcare adventures as I share my recent hearing test appointment and passionate advocacy for preventative medicine. Having experienced the harsh realities of measles and witnessed loved ones suffer through shingles, my philosophy remains steadfast: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of trouble." This commitment to wellness extends to every available vaccine—from COVID to pneumonia to seasonal flu.

I close with candid reflections on taxation itself, pondering its relatively recent role in American life compared to the tax-free Gilded Age, and lamenting my 50-year drought without a tax refund as an independent contractor. Whether you're rushing to file or celebrating a refund, remember that the stars continue to guide us through even the most mundane obligations. And if nobody told you they love you today, I love you because you're you—so be yourself. Who else would you be?

Support the show

MORNIN BITCHES PODCAST

Speaker 1:

Baby, I love you because you're beautiful. Yes, it's your TikTok bubby. And you know what? Today is Tax day. April 15th, it's tax day, so I thought I would read the horoscopes on my podcast today. Did you get your taxes in on time or did you have to file? What do they call it? I forget, extension, that's it. If you had to file an extension, it's okay, especially the people who were in the fires. Oh my God, right, of course, right. Okay. God, right, of course, right. Okay, let's start with the Aries. That's the first sign of the zodiac, which is March 21st through April 19th. Oh my right, we're almost coming up with the end of Aries.

Speaker 1:

You'll get a cosmic wink today, an inside moment of humor. It's as if the universe and you share a secret lap. My son's an Aries, so Taurus Barbra Streisand's a Taurus. Kids and pets will make a mess. Clients will be tardy. You will be sweet about it, because these are the circumstances that people use to hone qualities like patience, gentleness and generosity.

Speaker 1:

Next is Gemini like my husband, ed, there's Gem and I. It's okay if you don't have instant rapport. It's more intriguing this way. The best connections get better the more you put into them. Cancer my first grandson, if you ignore something and it doesn't go away, it's real, and real problems are easier to handle than those we create in our minds.

Speaker 1:

Leo dad was a Leo, july 23rd, first husband July 24th, second husband, july 23rd, and favorite cousin, july 23rd Can you believe that I can? And a form of love is coming into your life and it's a hybrid of at least two kinds. You embrace the novel connection. And Virgo I'm not a Virgo person. So today you'll observe and ask questions, not to judge but to understand. And next is my horoscope and one of my grandsons. He's a Libra too.

Speaker 1:

Some people might be doubting you. They just don't know any better yet. Okay, the first thing they'll learn you're a force. Deal with it. Okay. Scorpio that's the hot sign of the zodiac. The busy work might seem pointless while you're doing it, but the outcomes depend on foundations that smooth the way, and the effort you put in now will pay off later.

Speaker 1:

Sagittarius my dear friend chance, his mom as a Sag. All feelings are valid and don't carry inherent shame, but some feelings, if held indefinitely, can prevent growth or peace. Release is just what needs to happen to move. And Capricorn my friend Chance and my Bubby are Capricorns. Each person is an uncharted discovery. You know this because of the thrill that comes from experiencing fascinating social interactions. And Aquarius While self-assessment has its place in growth, skip the self-evaluation. Today You're almost, you're more than enough, so dive in and handle it. And Pisces my brother was a Pisces. We all know that that's my favorite sign.

Speaker 1:

Happiness depends on an inward disposition of the mind. Cultivate a way of thinking that constantly seeks joy and beauty. And today, if it's your birthday, you're in Aries. So the only reason you can't categorize this year as dreamy is because you're making things happen and really fit and reality and fitting your wishes. Health and fitness. Victories bring new opinions or options and a beauty, beautiful clarity of mind. I know I'm mind. I know I'm reading this. I know I am reading this. Okay, you'll apply strategic thinking to making something happen for a group. Gemini and Aries adore you. Okay, your lucky numbers are 4, 17, 21, 11, and 39. Okay. So if you're a gambler and like to gamble on the lottery, try those numbers. You might find that. You might find it very interesting. And what is the world?

Speaker 1:

Well, today I went and had my hearing test for those seniors. Well, not the test. They checked my ears to see if there was any wax in them. Okay, there was no wax. And they checked to see if I had tinnitus or whatever they call it tinnitus or tinnitus, whatever. I don't have that either. So they made an appointment for me for three months to get my actual hearing test, so to see if I need hearing aids. And if I do bitches and dolls, I'm going to wear them because nothing better than having Medicare pay for them for you.

Speaker 1:

And then I went and got my pneumonia shot. Okay, so I believe in vaccines. Well, you all know that, because I've shared that with you before, because I know what the measles was like when I was a kid Horrible, both my brother and I had 104 fever with spots everywhere. We were very sick. And the chickenpox We've had it all except polio. We had the polio vaccine back then and the smallpox vaccine. So your TikTok bubby gets her vaccines whenever they're available. You know flu, everything I get everything. Shingles shot because my husband and my mother had shingles. Terrible, terrible, terrible. So I get them all. I've had RSV, I've had every shot, covid shot I get them all because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of trouble. Bitches and dolls.

Speaker 1:

So I just thought I would talk about, you know, horoscopes today, because it's tax day and very important. You know, I don't know if I believe in taxes or not. I just don't really know. I think that if you have to pay them, you have to pay them. That's what the government says, that if you have to pay them, you have to pay them. That's what the government says. But in the early 1900s, in the Gilded Age, people didn't pay taxes. So I don't know who started taxes. Maybe you could tell me right in, you know, maybe you can give me information. I don't know. But do I believe in taxes? Well, honestly, I really don't. I just think that you know, honestly, I don't believe in taxes, but we have to pay them. So that's that. And Ed and me have always paid our taxes, you know. So we've had to do that.

Speaker 1:

So if you've paid your taxes, I hope you get a refund. Unfortunately, we never do. We're independent contractors. So basically, you know that means you got to pay your taxes quarterly. So that's all I. But I don't like that. You got to do it, but I don't. I have to say I don't like it. But you know, there's a lot of things I don't like that I have to do like you know starting my exercise again, walking. I started that again, okay. So, bitches and dolls, I hope you don't have to pay too much and I hope you get a refund from the government. That would be amazing. You know, the last time I got a refund was, I think, 1976. Long time ago. It's almost 50 years that I live in La La Land, so if nobody told you they love you today, I love you because you're you, so be yourself. Who else are you going to be? Bye, bye.