Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
This is what the world needs now: two free-thinking “seasoned” Black women speaking their truth and inspiring others to do the same. Shaped by 45 years of friendship that began at the prestigious Brooklyn Technical High School through the Ivy League, medical school, marriages, divorces, triumphs, parenting queer children, life-threatening illness and many many amazing adventures. Each week, besties Leslie Osei-Tutu and Angella Fraser will push against boundaries in love, culture, careers, faith, politics and out-dated assumptions about women of a certain age. Remember, you’re never too old to change your mind…or your hair! (but more on that later :-)All views are our own and do not reflect the views of our institution/company. Information provided is not intended to serve as medical advice.
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Daily Writing (Not Journaling) Changed My Life
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For several years Ange has adopted a daily writing practice that she attributes to changing her life.
She describes this, now ritual, as a stream of consciousness style that strengthens her connection to God, answers questions, challenges assumptions, and allows her to be her most vulnerable, without judgment. Lately, she has opened her writing time for others to join to reap the benefits of their own practice. Leslie, on the other hand, is in awe, believing its power but convinced she could never do it.
The Besties have an unguarded discussion about possible reasons for Leslie’s resistance. Is it fear, and if so, fear of what?
Join Ange’s writing group here and learn more about her gifts-centered coaching for independent women here.
This episode and all previous episodes are available on The Besties’ YouTube. Please join our Besties Quad Squad as a Patreon subscriber at the $5 or $10 monthly level. You'll receive exclusive behind-the-scenes content.
Visit Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn website for behind-the-scenes extras.
And hey Les, how are you?
SPEAKER_00You look like you have a Colgate smile.
SPEAKER_03Cheesy, cheesy. That's because the the red lipstick is so.
SPEAKER_00I'm drawing red lipstick too. You do? Reddish, no, it's burgadin. Reddish.
SPEAKER_03It's burgundy. But it's not Ruby Woo. It's not Ruby Woo. Neither is this. Oh, that's this is red. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Ruby Woo is a little brighter. It's redder.
SPEAKER_03It's yeah, it's like an orangey red. This is more like a blue red.
SPEAKER_00Like what I'm wearing. Hoppy Catter.
SPEAKER_03I'm such a biter.
SPEAKER_00You so are. Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.
unknownBrooklyn.
SPEAKER_00The Burgundy Lipstick Edition.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh. Leslie, that's so corny. Don't be corny.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Okay. Listen. Don't do it. That's me. That's who I am.
SPEAKER_03No, it's not true.
SPEAKER_00No, Anch. I want to spend some time this episode talking about something that you do.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Uh you talk to me about it often.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Fulfills you, and it's not something that I could ever see myself doing.
SPEAKER_03Okay, that could be a hundred things. Um that could be a hundred and five things, yeah. It could be, it could be. But so you I have to you wake up every morning. Yes. I do wake up every morning.
SPEAKER_00And but there's something you do, and you lead a group of people or of writers.
SPEAKER_03Of people who write.
SPEAKER_00Of people who write. Yes. Writers. Okay. And you all spend time writing every morning.
SPEAKER_03Okay, let me explain.
SPEAKER_00Is it more than that?
SPEAKER_03It is more than that. And you challenge me on writers versus people who write.
SPEAKER_00There's a difference. Okay. You can talk about that too. So what is it that you're you're doing? What it why okay?
SPEAKER_03Let me explain.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03So here's the thing. First of all, guess who can no longer say, I'm not a morning person. Finally. This chick right here. Finally. That don't mean that don't mean I'm open for your phone calls early in the morning.
SPEAKER_00It's okay because I'm working in the morning.
SPEAKER_03So I'm just having time for you. You're right.
SPEAKER_00I'm saving at 7 a.m.
SPEAKER_03So first thing is we label ourselves so much. We limit ourselves so much.
SPEAKER_00You're right. Because once you label, if you don't personally identify with that label, then you feel like an outsider or an imposter. That's deep.
SPEAKER_03Well, the thing is that this, it's, it's, it's like so many other things where we we say we're this and it kind of locks us in. This is not a bad thing. It's just a thing. It can be, of course, but it's just a thing to recognize, right? Like, I always think about this. I never thought I could give up rice. It doesn't mean that I don't eat rice occasionally, but I'm a Jamaican. We eat rice. Like I could do rice and gravy, rice and butter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I don't even know.
SPEAKER_00Mari says the same thing. I'm like, okay, half with the rice. He's like, what do you need to have with rice?
SPEAKER_02That's because he has a panamane inside. Yeah, yeah. He's his panamang inside. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So, and I gave up rice when I um started eating a low-carb diet years ago. Um, but I never thought it was something that I could do until you do it. That is the thing. You never think something can be done until it's done, right? So many examples of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so many, many, many examples.
SPEAKER_03So I have been doing a morning writing practice for a few years now. And what that looks like is um wake up right there.
SPEAKER_00Let me tell you what it looks like to me from the outside. All right. All right, Liz. How are you doing? Um I I can't talk to you too much because I gotta get to my writing. I haven't done my writing yet. Or it's 12 o'clock. It's like, man, I have to get to my writing. I can't get my day going until I get my writing done. I'm like, what? Are you writing a book? Are you writing a novel? What is it? No, I gotta get my writing. So I don't know. Well, of course, I was gonna say, I don't know if you remember. Of course you remember, but you and Darryl actually told me about this book, The Artist's Way. And we can put that in the in the notes for people who are interested. But is that how it started? Like, where did this start?
SPEAKER_03That is how it started. I I'm gonna say that that is um that's where the um where I first learned about a writing, a daily writing practice. I have not referred back to what I do now to see how aligned it is to that. So I'll only I'll only mention it in that way that that's how this um my knowledge about this this um being a practice came about. Um I'm sure it's now Angelas Angela's way and not the artist's way. But what it is for me is a stream of consciousness writing where I set a definite ending, a start and end. So I write three pages of a full-size um um eight and a half by eleven, three pages every morning. And it's not journaling because I'm not, you know, trying to be have any preciseness or um I'm not even thinking about referring back to my writing.
SPEAKER_00I take off that's another thing that I'll bring up when finish.
SPEAKER_03I'll take I take off anything that could obstruct honest, free, um uh clear writing. And for me, since I grew up in a household where locking doors was unheard of, privacy knew. My parents had access to everything, and even if they didn't take advantage of that, me with my you to Americanized self, I always felt a little funny keeping a diary and so on. So maybe that's kind of some internal stuff, but I so one of the things that I um have taken out of this writing that I do is that I don't keep what I write because I knew that for me that would obstruct how freely I wrote, and so I write these pages, I use like single space pages and like but listen, like it's an assignment, you know.
SPEAKER_00Like in the second grade when you were you had to uh you were punished. I will not forget my homework, I will not forget like what the facts first of all, what kind of punishment is that to give a child? It's like it's I I've done it a few times actually, and they said you gotta write two pages of I will not forget my homework. It's like, come on now. Is that the most creative you can get to get me to remember to do my homework? But anyway, yeah, anyway, anyway, so yeah, you do these this writing.
SPEAKER_03So I do this writing and it has transformed me. It has been the it has been the at the at the core of so much that has changed about me. Um because I am honest, I talk through challenges, I talk to God, I ask questions, I get answers.
SPEAKER_00I oh my gosh, you are, I mean, obviously you're so right, but you don't know how much you pepper your conversations with me about in my writing today, it was revealed to me. And do you know what came out in my writing today? And I was wondering, and it presented itself and this, and I'm like, So, how do you feel about that as the receiver of that? What does that it's fascinating to me, but you know, I just prefaced it by saying, and why would I limit myself in this way? But I'm wondering too. I said that this is not something that I could ever do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you did say that. And I could list out like from the beginning of last year to the end of last year, all so many things you've done that you said you would never do. Oh, isn't that interesting?
SPEAKER_00Let me ask you something though. I think I know the answer, but I want you to tell me why if if all the questions and answers and conversations are in your head and this writing is just for you, why do you need to take it from here to the paper? What does the transfer do for you?
SPEAKER_03Sure. Well, it it's not only for me, it's what the brain does, what it does as humans. Um, it there is a um, I don't know if this is named, but there is something that happens with the brain when it sees something versus when it's just kind of thinking it. It almost makes it real and allows it to process it better.
SPEAKER_00When you when you and if I remember anything about like college psychology or it could even could be neural behavior, if um the the actual writing process, it's like if you if you employ two different medium media or senses, it has a different effect than a single one. So the physical writing on the paper, and then I guess the visual seeing of the writing has a different effect, I suppose, than just it does, and one thing for sure that it does is um oftentimes when things are just going around in your head, they seem so big and like oh, I can I'll never get the answer, I'll never figure that out, or this will always be a bother.
SPEAKER_03Oh, this again, oh and when you write it, it's like that was nothing. That was nothing. And you don't know how fascinating this is. It just puts it in perspective because um I don't know all the reasons why. All I know is that it is, and it must be something that is um working and working exceptionally well for me, because what I have done recently is I've invited people to join me in my writing, in my morning writing. And because I wanted to um give folks an opportunity to do this before they went to work, we start at 8 in the morning. We used to do 7:30, and then we agreed that we could move it to 8. So now I'm making sure that I'm up. Um, we write for 30 minutes. Sometimes um I will check in, I set the timer at 8.25, and I see if people want to write for an extra five minutes. So then I set it for 8.35, and that's as long as we go. Because here's the thing: I whatever um whatever um stop point you define for yourself is not important, but you need a stop point, you need that hit of dopamine that says you accomplished your writing or your whatever, your exercise, or whatever it is that you've been completed. Correct. And so for me, it's three pages. Um and so when that is done, I have this little thing that I do. I say, hasta mañana, morning writing. That's how I end it, and I'm done. Um, and so I've invited people to join me. Tomorrow is um the last day of the first month that we've done it, but because I'm gonna be away um next week, I'm still gonna write, but I couldn't commit to a particular time because I don't know what my days are gonna be like. But we're starting back up again on January 22nd. So if anyone wants to join, um we will put a link. And I'm gonna, this is this is what I do. It's not, you know, the timing is is new because I didn't always do it at the same time every morning. But even doing that, it's this other thing. Oh, I can never do that. I'm not a morning person. I'm doing it.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Stop right there. A couple things because I'm just is my head is swirling with questions. If you can be as clear as you can be. Sure. What do you get out of this?
SPEAKER_03Okay. I'm gonna repeat some things, but I'm going to say them a little slower because hold on, hold on. I'm gonna say them a little slower because sometimes you people hear things and either it's not believed, or it is, oh, but it's gotta be more than that, or why is that important? Let me say one thing. Okay, okay. When I write and I have a question, it could be a big question. God, why do I feel this way? And I write that through and get an answer, that is huge, and no one can tell me that that's not huge. What it has taught me is that our answers are inside, and we look for them every other place.
SPEAKER_00We would rather not have answers than to seek them inside, and be yeah, be quiet and listen for the answer.
SPEAKER_03Exactly. Exactly. And so if I get that type of thing, you know, whatever. Let's say I get that once a year. That's huge to me. I get it much more often than that. But so it's things like that. It's things like, um, you know, I have to make a decision and I'm writing, but I don't, I don't start out writing, oh, what is the decision I have to make? Whatever comes to my mind, I write it out.
SPEAKER_00Is it stream of consciousness?
SPEAKER_03It is completely stream of consciousness for me. Yes. Yeah, and I'm not sure whether that is so with the artist's way practice, but for me, it's stream of consciousness. It what comes to mind, it is um, um, I almost don't even pick up my my pen. I don't stop writing, even if I'm thinking, oh, I wonder what's next. What's what am I thinking about? I write that. What am I thinking about? And then the thought comes, and that's when I write. What am I thinking about? The thought comes.
SPEAKER_00Oh, crazy. So do you ever like get to page one and like, oh my gosh, I can't fill another page or two? Not anymore.
SPEAKER_03That used to happen to me, and what is um what what that does, and and that is kind of setting your your commitment for how how much um you're gonna write is important because when you do push through, and I you know, you can write. I made this commitment, so I'm gonna keep writing. You then keep writing because you're thinking, you are never existing without thinking about something.
SPEAKER_00So this idea you have that And look, this is so this is so you just write it out.
SPEAKER_01You're just too damn busy.
SPEAKER_00Okay, too willing, you're too willing to to let me just tell remind you of the experience I have when you push me to do such things, right? A couple times and over the years, obviously. You said, you know, Les, do a brain dump, right? Yes, or you you said, I need you to come up with 25 ways that we're gonna do such and such. It was related to the podcast, right? I got the three, and I was done, I was just done. But Les, then you kept going. And because you kept pushing me, and you kept pushing me, and rather than punch you, I just said, okay, I'm just gonna keep going. Uh what a struggle. I mean, it's like I never think that there is more in there, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that's that is there another of the many things I like about this practice is because it teaches you so much about yourself, right? Impatience, impatience, discipline or lack thereof, exactly, you know, um, committing to something that is relatively this is not, you always say you you do hard things. You went to medical school and you can't write for 30 minutes. What? Who do you want to believe that?
SPEAKER_00All right, that's just between me and you.
SPEAKER_03What fool do you want to believe that? Not this fool. No, ma'am, no ma'am, no ma'am. And so uh I have a couple more questions.
SPEAKER_00Oh Lord, yes. Are the other people in your group? What are their experiences? What feedback are you getting from them?
SPEAKER_03So a couple of things I'll say. Um, this is a writing, this is writing time. This is not talking time, right?
SPEAKER_00So you couldn't be in a group.
SPEAKER_03Whatever, whatever me.
SPEAKER_00I'd be interrupting. I'd be like, wait, wait, excuse me. Uh you know me how I am. I can't be quiet for too long.
SPEAKER_03So there, so there, there's that I can't again. Really? Um, so they're this is what we do. It starts at eight. I invite them in. I put three prompts in the chat, and that's just they don't have to use them, just if they get stuck, because I was thinking about my girl as if they get stuck and they need a little help, they can use one of the prompts. And there's things like um yesterday, dot dot dot, or um who knew, dot dot dot, or um what's another one? Um, I thought, dot dot dot. So there I give three of them and I put them in the chat. And then if we have any um quick things to say within the first um one to three minutes, and then I say write on, and our cameras are on, but I we all go on mute, I set the timer for 825, and then we write.
SPEAKER_00Wow, this is something else.
SPEAKER_03And I will say that one um some of what I've heard is like you've expressed, I never thought I could do this. Um, and this these are people who agreed, I didn't ask. Christmas morning, New Year's morning, we were up at eight o'clock. Writing and they've never done anything like this before.
SPEAKER_00Do any of them aspire to be writers, or do they say why they've joined you in your practice?
SPEAKER_03Um, no aspiring writers. Um, I believe they have joined me because they know the kind of work that I do. These are people who just I don't know, either they follow me on social media or they're on my email list so they kind of see what I talk about. And um I I get people to think a little more deeply than than the surface.
SPEAKER_00And certainly do.
SPEAKER_03And so I think they were just interested in pushing themselves in whatever areas of their life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that is um, it's like when you do something that you thought you couldn't do and you commit to it, and then you're doing it. You can do that with anything.
SPEAKER_00I feel like you could do anything. Like if it's like if you do this hard thing, I'm not even sure why this is so foreign to me. This is this, it's I might as well get in a spaceship and go to Venus than sit and do this practice that you're referring to. It's I can't even imagine this is something that I would be able to do.
SPEAKER_03You know what this is.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I've graduated from high school, from college, I got a master's degree, I graduated from medical school. I cannot see myself writing three pages of Stream of Consciousness.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, isn't that something? Yeah, and imagine, imagine if you did, meaning imagine if you broke through this, I can't or I don't. That's not for me. You know, it may not be, but did you even try?
SPEAKER_00Can I be honest with you about one other thing? Please, always find it a little fearful, like I'm wow, I don't react like that. No, I mean, I'm interested. Now I'm interested. I would I would be a little bit reticent, I'll say, to see what it is that has come that is in the subconsciousness or what comes out.
SPEAKER_03Interesting. Isn't that weird? I'm gonna ask you something.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna ask you something before you ask me.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00In your personal practice, you write, I understand because I've actually seen you write. Um, do you re-reread everything before you go before you toss it? No. Just to review it, or you just write and that's and I'm not reading back, and then it's over.
SPEAKER_03No, I just write it.
SPEAKER_00What's your doubt it's over?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because a couple of things. The the the the value for me is in the writing. It's not in the reading. Because it's if I if I had not been writing this, these were thoughts that weren't saved anywhere. They they just came to my mind.
SPEAKER_00They weren't and you don't worry about grammar or intuition or no write words.
SPEAKER_03None of that, none of that at all. I just write, and I do use grammar because that's how I've been trained. And I use commas and semicolons and things like that. I rarely cross out, um, but I just kind of keep writing. Um, but the thing is that what you said about your fears about this, they are still there, and they're bigger, probably in your head than they are when you write them. But you I and I don't mean this in a negative way at all, right? But consider that you would rather hold on to them than to let them go.
SPEAKER_00And in the writing process, you are letting it go?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you're letting them go. Because you're you're facing it.
SPEAKER_00And admitting that it's there because now it's on paper.
SPEAKER_03It's now it's on now it's on paper, but it's tangible and real. Yeah, but here's the thing, it's it's it's that, but it but not quite. The process of shaping a thought enough to get it from your head to your hand onto paper is a processing. You're doing some processing there, right? So you you you you understand.
SPEAKER_01Thinking about this, I'm getting exhausted.
SPEAKER_02Leslie, right now, we are so lecturing this.
SPEAKER_00What's wrong with me? I'm struggling through this conversation. You know what? I'm getting ready to start sweating. Leslie, please. I cannot. You're gonna you're gonna work, I'm working this. Wow. My reaction to this is even a little surprising to me, but it's it's it's it's something. Wow.
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh, you're thinking these things anyway. What harm can there be in getting them out and just writing them?
SPEAKER_00You're right, because it's no less real if it's not written.
SPEAKER_03It's actually probably still there, it's still there, and it's probably not as big an issue or whatever, you know. I shouldn't say that. That's but let me just let me just say this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you said it's still there, but I know this is gonna sound wacky, but I don't know, or one doesn't know what's there until it's comes out and written in a stream of consciousness. Let me just say this. I know with this is a weird association, but you probably can react relate. I know with people who have mental illness very often, and someone said this to me before, that they don't like the quiet because they really don't want to be alone with their thoughts. So they prefer more external stimuli, right?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00Um just so that they're not alone with those thoughts that might be intrusive or troubling or whatever. And in a way, this is kind of what it's making me think of, you know, forcing um ideas or thoughts that may be unpleasant or whatever, or facing it, you know, it's it's it's interesting, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I the thing that came to mind for me, and you know, I we we both I um see a therapist, um, and I know that you have, um and it's not therapy as an example is not just there for crises, right? Writing isn't just there for when you're you know when you're having a bad day or whatever. I write all the time. I write when I'm joyful, I write when I'm you know, when I'm when I'm sad, I write when I'm confused. I so it's all of those things. It's not I don't only write.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm sweating. Sorry, Leslie.
unknownWhat the heck?
SPEAKER_02This I gotta explore this reaction to be continued.
SPEAKER_03Wow and I know.
SPEAKER_00Oh okay, so we're gonna put all of this information about your writing practice in on in the notes. I know you would love to have people join you. We'll give them information on how to do that. Yep, and could you imagine if they see me in there on the silently writing, also joining you? Wouldn't that be something? They're like they would be in shock. I'd be in shock. I'd be in shock, but anyway. Um, wow, and that's that's powerful. It is really powerful. It's powerful. Thank you. I'll take that. That's something that you do.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. It helps me be a better person in the world.
SPEAKER_00So it almost sounds like uh meditative a bit, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_03Um, all right, Les.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, this has been an interesting episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. Brooklyn
