Don't Wait to Retire to Rest with Stephanie Perry-Part 2

Are you in your selfish season? Do you long to be? And do you have the courage to tell others exactly what it is that you need?   

In this, part 2 of the popular episode with Stephanie Perry, Besties Angella and Leslie continue their conversation exploring the societal norms around our work lives, burnout and the timing around retirement.  Stephanie offers her unique perspective on striving for a life of ease as she “bops around the world” experiencing how other cultures prioritize restful living.Maybe it’s just time for a sabbatical or a career break. 

Stephanie  shows us how to pivot into a restful period that can allow you to realign your priorities and identify what really matters to you most.Stephanie Perry - YouTubeVaycarious.comTrusted House Sitters

This episode and all previous episodes are available on YouTube. Please join our Besties Quad Squad as a Patreon subscriber at the $5 or $10 monthly level. You'll receive exclusive behind-the-scenes content.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hi guys, it looks like you thoroughly enjoyed part one of our interview with Stephanie Perry and we actually have a part two. We're jumping right in. We spoke about living a life of ease and not waiting until retirement to do so. Enjoy.

Speaker 2: 0:29

And it's been amazing. So, okay, so we're not going to say black girl magic, but we can.

Speaker 1: 0:35

we say that there is magic in yes absolutely we can say that, we can say there is magic.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Yeah, I just I mean, we are who we are because I don't want to go off on this tangent too much, leslie always, you know, and just going on a tributary again, there she goes.

Speaker 1: 0:56

But the idea is that the way that we have become this way is because of so many things that we've had to overcome, and desiring peace and desiring rest is something that I, you know. It's like it's just the idea that we, we, something got sprinkled on us and all of a sudden, you know where this, where this thing, and oftentimes, when you're magic oh, you got to sprinkle a little magic on other people. No, I just want to be. I want to be amazing. I want to be not amazing, you know, I want to just be. I don't want all these expectations placed on us. If we want to do all of the jump flipping over, that's fine, but to expect that that's how we're going to show up every day, always this, the strong person, and always this, you know, the person who's going to make everybody food and it's going to make everybody feel good, and I know.

Speaker 3: 2:10

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 2:10

I just really reject that notion completely, you know the other thing, though, that brings it this brings up for me is the boldness and the courage that it really takes to step out for yourself and say this is what I need for me. I know in my own personal life that I've been looked at as selfish or too self centered when I've desired rest or peace or aloneness, or I need to look out for myself first before I can put the life jacket on someone else. And because I'm a caregiver and a health provider and what have you my? I think people look at me as the one that I am expected to give care, but not ask for and receive care.

Speaker 2: 3:04

That's right. And when we Because we're talking generations and generations and generations of this being the thing, the way that operate, people don't recognize. People don't really recognize that this is what's happening, they don't really see the dynamic. Not us and not the other people who are benefiting from our work, from us always being the one to give, from us always being one of service he decided that we're going to do things a different way. There's a lot of push back right. There's a lot of people who will say you're doing it wrong, and use the insults that they know are going to hurt us. You're selfish or you're lazy. We just have to reclaim them. We just say I'm in my selfish season, okay, last for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1: 3:58

I should make a t-shirt that just says lazy on it.

Speaker 3: 4:01

I'm in my selfish season.

Speaker 1: 4:06

No, I just want lazy. I'll make up an acronym for it lazy-wise, something like that In my space it's ease, right.

Speaker 2: 4:12

So I talk about facing ease and people say easeful. But even black women have a hard time saying easy. I want things easy. Yeah, I know, I think easeful and easy are the same thing you can say. You can say I want easy, I want easy, I want to be lazy, I want to do for me, I want to be selfish.

Speaker 3: 4:33

Oh, that is so incongruous. Yes, Especially for the Type A folks yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:40

We need to be delivered from that we need to be delivered.

Speaker 3: 4:43

Exercise that out of us.

Speaker 2: 4:47

Because is that Type A you, the real you, or is that the you who had to become that to survive your environment? Oh my gosh, stephanie, Are you really Type?

Speaker 1: 4:58

A oh, you are preaching right now.

Speaker 2: 5:00

Or did they work you into a Type A?

Speaker 1: 5:03

Exactly Did you become that? Because that's how you found a way to survive is to turn that up Right, and that's what you got rewarded for by being that way, the only thing probably is you got rewarded for.

Speaker 2: 5:16

The only time people praised you was you were doing when you were doing. You know 10 times more than everybody yeah three people's work.

Speaker 1: 5:24

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:27

You don't know the real. I'm convinced that we don't get to know the real us while we're working. We don't get to know the real us while we have other people oh my gosh, who in our lives?

Speaker 3: 5:39

Stephanie and that's why, when you took your retreat and you came back with such a renewed and it was only what? Six weeks, it was six weeks, and you came back, a different person and me, as a result, I'm struggling to catch up. Okay, okay, yes, we'll do a podcast. Okay, okay, what else I got to do? What else got to do? I thought you lost your mind out there.

Speaker 1: 6:01

This podcast came out of me being on a peace journey and asking God, just having a conversation with him through my writing. I do morning writing Sorry, my friend's dog is making noise, hopefully it's not showing up, okay. Through my writing, I asked creator how do I get more joy into my life? And one of the very clear answers he gave me is to spend more time with her. Yes, my bestie, we've been best friends since 1514 15 years old, yeah, and just 10 years, just 10 years.

Speaker 3: 6:47

Yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 6:51

And the podcast idea came out of that. What, what can, how can we bring just who we are and and and bring that to to share with everyone? So, yeah, I came back a different person and I'm so looking forward to do it again. I gotta ask you, before I forget, because I keep going off House-sitter school please talk about that, because I think I may do that. I'm looking to move and I'm considering house-sitting.

Speaker 2: 7:28

Good, tell us. House-sitting is just staying in people's homes and taking care of their homes and usually their pets, while they're.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Okay.

Speaker 2: 7:37

I house it through a platform called Trusted House-sitters, where you don't get paid but you get free accommodation. There are other house-sitters who find their clients on their own and they get paid Right. House-sitting is a wonderful way to try out a new place, a new city, a new country or whatever. Or just give yourself a retreat right in your own city. Give yourself some time away in your own place. The only thing people really request is that you make their pet feel like the pet is cared for right, not just an afterthought in the house, but Right, right, right Sure.

Speaker 2: 8:09

But the rest of the day is yours. I love house-sitting because I get to swim in people's pools. I say that right Drive around there in their little golf carts around the communities right and we're pet people.

Speaker 3: 8:22

I love your videos, how you interact with the pets, like they come in and they check you out and this and this is so great Okay.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Yeah, Like you good you good.

Speaker 3: 8:33

Do you have to lick the water in the bathtub? You good.

Speaker 2: 8:39

Yeah, house-sitting is an amazing thing that I once I Googled how to, once I took my year to travel, came back and every I was down to 30 something dollars, right, spent all of the money I had saved for that trip. Came home and Googled how do I keep traveling with no money? And Google was like be a house-sitter. House-sitting opened up more, a different level of travel for me. But people even do it locally. You can house it wherever you want in the world.

Speaker 2: 9:05

But what's so exciting, what's so interesting about house-sitting, is that I was excited to do it but afraid to apply for SITs. I paid for my membership but I was afraid to actually do it because I live in where the way I lived up was still very the grew up was still very segregated, right With white people, but I didn't go in their houses, and so I was like well, is this even gonna work? Aided house-sitter school so that black women would get to talk to an actual black house-sitter and get to ask a few more questions, if you need just a little more support. But so many people are like my house-sitter and I recommend that you do it. If this sounded interesting to you, go head over, get yourself a membership and get started. I have seen parts of the world that I never thought I would get to see, and I've seen parts of the world that were on my list Because it's I mean a life hack.

Speaker 3: 9:59

What.

Speaker 1: 10:00

I'm telling you, stephanie is serious. Stephanie is serious House-sitter school. Of course we're gonna put this information in the episode notes and all of that, but this is real. This is just. It's just deciding to say yes, it's just being intentional about how you're gonna live. This one-decker-decker life you have is one-decker-decker life you have and you have to choose who's going to extract from it and who's gonna pour into it. I mean, it's I just, I just I cannot say enough about I always say this about young people. I'm fully into my elder mode now, stephanie, I'm 61 and I embrace that. It's like last year is when I'm like listen, this is your elder talking to you. Now you gotta listen to your elder. I'm fully, fully in that. But I'll say this, all jokes aside that to see you living this life and have lived this life for years now and I know you have a fabulous birthday coming up in where are you gonna be for your birthday? Yeah, say it again for the people in the back.

Speaker 3: 11:20

Yes, what.

Speaker 1: 11:23

BG, yes, bg. What am I doing wrong? It gives me so much, so much freedom, fulfillment personally, because I see you living this way and because you teach it. This is not just your thing, it's your showing and teaching other people how to do the same thing. That's a beautiful gift you're giving to the world. I mean, I really, really appreciate it. That's why I love you like this. Because you know and I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, stephanie is gonna be what? Listen? So we're at this event. I didn't even tell you. So I go over and I'm like Stephanie, oh my gosh, I blah, blah, blah, right, and I'm fangirling and I tell her about this podcast and she says why don't you invite me on? You know, I love to talk Like what. You're like, come on, I mean that's go that day.

Speaker 1: 12:28

I did not let the night come without sending her email.

Speaker 3: 12:31

And then you started telling me because I was also in Puerto Rico, not at the conference, but I was peripherally, you know, and and just like less you ain't gonna believe it.

Speaker 3: 12:42

You ain't gonna believe it. I'm like catch your breath, Calm down. Calm down what's going on, Because you know it can be bad. But, Ange, you mentioned something when you was just saying about Stephanie's message to people and the fact that she's bringing others and willing to bring others with her. Here's a Stephanie perryism. I've been collecting them. Okay, you said you can lift the ceiling off your life by watching other people lift theirs. Right, that's right.

Speaker 2: 13:19

Like I said, there was a time in my life when I just didn't think there was anything else possible Life that I had was the life I was gonna live, but I've torn the roof off. Tear the roof off the sucker. Yeah, oh, it's gone right, and so Subscribe to the limit that can happen for me and I'm more deserving than anybody else, right? And then I feel like I have some responsibility to share it. Yeah, I'm not one of those people who's like, oh, I've gotta find my purpose and do, you do it.

Speaker 2: 13:54

I'm not one of those people who's like, oh, I've gotta find my purpose and do you do it? I just do things, that I try things, I share things, and then I try some other things and share some other things. I think that we have no idea what could be for us if we just took that rule wrong, if we just decided that the limit is not the limit. There are people who are living the lives of our dreams. There are people who already have that life and they're not any more deserving than we are. Amen.

Speaker 3: 14:31

Better than we Amen, we better.

Speaker 2: 14:34

We really think that they are. We believe we see them still inside, we see them still better.

Speaker 1: 14:38

I agree with you. They deserve it more than we do.

Speaker 2: 14:41

Not true, yes, not true, just like you said, just like when we started this and I was like listen, lower your expectations, right. Yeah, the people who are living the life of our dreams, the life that is exceedingly, abundantly, beyond all that we could ever ask or imagine, those people don't deserve it any more than we do, and if you meet them, you might be like also some of them. People are damn fools, right. Sometimes you might meet them and be like this is the first bit I've been thinking of you know.

Speaker 3: 15:11

That just reminds me. That's almost how I stepped out and said I'm finally going to medical school and I became interested in anesthesiology. I worked in an anesthesiology office academic practice years ago and I looked around at the people I was working with in the residence. This is a true story and I'm like I know I could do better than this.

Speaker 2: 15:35

That's right.

Speaker 3: 15:38

They ain't got nothing, king Kong ain't got nothing on me and the rest is history. Thank you, lord. But you know, I'm like I know I can do better than this.

Speaker 1: 15:49

Right, right, and then you did, and then you do and I am. I never had someone love what they do as much as Leslie. It's such a calling. It's such a calling. I think she really now needs to manage her workload, because she it's too much and increasingly.

Speaker 3: 16:11

I'm saying this is getting in the way of my life.

Speaker 2: 16:15

Yes, have you ever? Have you had any sort of sabbatical or break? No, at least a time.

Speaker 3: 16:22

I entered medicine late, after a career or a short seven years as a high school science teacher. I didn't love it and I'm like I'm going to medical school. If I don't get there, I gotta try it, and I've been skipping to work every day, but I'm getting tired In beautiful shoes, in beautiful clothing, but I'm getting a little tired Out of a beautiful car.

Speaker 2: 16:46

yes, yes, you know, and the sabbatical, the career break, is not only for people who are over it, right, it's not only for people who are At the end of their road. Yeah, it's also for people who want to be able to keep going or for people who just want to approach a pivot. You can take a break and then come back and keep going.

Speaker 3: 17:08

Yeah yeah, you can also take a break, it's easy to do that.

Speaker 2: 17:11

yeah, that's great. You can also take a break, look around, adjust and make a pivot to something different, slightly different or radically different.

Speaker 1: 17:20

But the break is not about.

Speaker 2: 17:22

I'm a domestic girl. Yeah, it's not just oh my gosh, I can't stand this job, I can't stand these people, I quit. It's not only it's that, but it's not only that, it's also I love what I do. I don't take some time for myself. I'm going one day look up and it's going to be the end and I have not been able to do these other personal things. These other things are just for me, even if the just for me thing is learning how to get in and out of a hammock gracefully. That's the thing you need time to focus on. I've done a lot of hammocks. I'm still not good at it. Ok, it takes. You need to have focused time.

Speaker 3: 18:05

But one of our good friends had her do at the company picnic in the hammock and they gave her the MC hammock award Because she did not do it very gracefully in front of the whole company. Oh my God, I got it. I got it. Oh, this is joyful.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Practice that in your sabbatical. Yes, yes, yeah, I'm going to seek a house to house it in that has a hammock, so that I could learn hammock. I could learn hammock entry and hammock exit.

Speaker 2: 18:44

Yes, that's the hard part. I think, that is the hard part, right. The entity kind of finesse your way in there. Don't really know what you're doing, but getting out, listen, good chance. You're just going to be.

Speaker 1: 18:57

It's like good chance, just be prepared.

Speaker 3: 19:01

Wow, this is beautiful, this is wonderful.

Speaker 1: 19:04

Wait, there's one other really quick thing because you have a business. You know you have a business. Well, this is the thing, because this is one of the practical things that I can't go, because people throw up barriers to why they can't do things, and so this idea that, ok, I can't just leave my job and what am I going to do? Well, there are different things that so, stephanie, because she made this choice now a part of her business, and you have I mean, you have different, what do you call them Rivers of income is that you have this house sitting school, which came out of your decision to do this. So, again, limitations, take them off. This is not the only way to earn money. Is by somebody you know, you going to this type of you know, clock in and do your work and come home. There are different ways to earn money. Because you have value and you can offer your value as a service to others who find value in it and they will pay you.

Speaker 2: 20:11

It will pay you. It's pretty possible to be an adult black woman and not have some sort of some extra skill and do aside from what you do at work Right, pretty hard to make to make it this far in life and not have that. Yeah, how we make it, that's how we get to this point. That's how we get to this point in our careers and in our lives, right? Yes, so how sitting, as I've said, how sitting is a thing that most people don't get paid for, but people do pay me to help them become a house sitter.

Speaker 2: 20:43

There's something that people will pay you to help them do, to facilitate the process, to speed up the process, to clear up some questions for them. You don't start a business to move on to the next phase of your life, but it's a way. It's like I said, when you start looking at the hurdles, what you want to look at is how are other women solving this problem? So one way that women are solving the money problem is they're taking their skillset away from the employer out into the free market. How do?

Speaker 1: 21:17

I. It goes with you. You're not leaving. Everything that you're bringing to them is a part of you. That's right. You can pick it up and take it elsewhere. That's right you can't. And that's why you having this community is such a thing. It's such a space where people can oh, that's how they did it. Oh, I can do that. It's oh my gosh Anyway.

Speaker 3: 21:43

Leslie, I know Anyway, yeah, I'm the timekeeper and Leslie's a timekeeper. Oh, stephanie, this was amazing, thank you so much for saying yes to this For asking, because I don't think I would have asked because I would have been so like, oh, but I appreciate that this has changed me and so kind of you and knowing you and knowing about you and what you do and what you've showed me is possible is life changing for me personally and I'm going to make a move on it Good, I'm glad I'm listen.

Speaker 2: 22:18

Thank you for letting me invite myself here, okay, thank you for being so wonderful.

Speaker 3: 22:24

We are one of the besties now.

Speaker 1: 22:27

Yes, honorary.

Speaker 2: 22:29

We are. So thank you for all of the kind words that you've shared about me and about Exodus Summit and the work that we're doing. I appreciate you so much, but, most importantly, thank you for taking this internally right. Thank you for putting it to work for yourself.

Speaker 1: 22:43

Absolutely, absolutely, all right guys.

Speaker 3: 22:46

This has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, scanlициais.