Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
This is what the world needs now: two free-thinking “seasoned” Black women speaking their truth and inspiring others to do the same. Shaped by 45 years of friendship that began at the prestigious Brooklyn Technical High School through the Ivy League, medical school, marriages, divorces, triumphs, parenting queer children, life-threatening illness and many many amazing adventures. Each week, besties Leslie Osei-Tutu and Angella Fraser will push against boundaries in love, culture, careers, faith, politics and out-dated assumptions about women of a certain age. Remember, you’re never too old to change your mind…or your hair! (but more on that later :-)All views are our own and do not reflect the views of our institution/company. Information provided is not intended to serve as medical advice.
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Ep 46 S4/10 Why Do We Hide Our Light?
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Leslie felt left out when Angella appeared on television and didn't tell her about it ahead of time. She couldn’t understand why Angella downplayed it as “no big deal”. The incident led the Besties into a discussion about the ways in which we tend to judge ourselves and engage in negative self talk. Others may recognize our accomplishments while we experience imposter syndrome.
As Season 4 comes to a close, remember why this podcast was created: to remind you to live out loud and honor the unique ways you show up in the world.
The well referenced biblical scripture in Matthew reads: "No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house”. Let your light shine.
This episode and all previous episodes are available on YouTube. Please join our Besties Quad Squad as a Patreon subscriber at the $5 or $10 monthly level. You'll receive exclusive behind-the-scenes content.
Visit Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn website for behind-the-scenes extras.
Yo Angela. Yo, Leslie. What's up? All good in my hood. Oh, it's good to see you. I know I'm in a good mood. Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. Brooklyn! Alright. Ask me why I'm in such a good mood. Why are you in such a good mood? Because all my equipment seems to be working. Without effort. Okay, I'm gonna be a little transparent. Okay. Maybe our listeners have noticed, but the last couple of episodes, I've been all over the place and quite stressed. I tried to use new equipment. It didn't seem to work out for me. It became a costly endeavor because the laptop that I traded in to get my new equipment, I had to repurchase another laptop.
SPEAKER_00She tried to get fancy. Let me let me get fancy and work. Let me uh um um boil it down. She tried to get fancy with some new equipment. She's a Mac head, by the way.
SPEAKER_01If you did not know, through and through everything is we're not sponsored by Apple, so we're gonna even mention them.
SPEAKER_00Okay, those, yes, the one that has the bite out of it. The bite. And so and I have to admit, I encouraged you. Not I didn't encourage you when you called me at the store to ask which one you should get, you know, what you should get, because I wouldn't know the type, whatever. Um, based on what you described, it made sense that you were gonna get a good value for your trade in and so on and so forth. But oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01For the last three weeks I've just been struggling. But the light at the end of the tunnel is here. Got new equipment, nice new MacBook Air, and I'm happy. Um, you got dark up for a minute. Did did you have a ring light that was on and is now off? It's you still look good, but you look a little darker than you did a minute ago.
SPEAKER_00Don't know why, because nothing went off. Okay. So um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01So, Ange, I saw your television uh shot, I would say, about your work at the North Carolina theater. Why is it that you didn't tell me about it? Like, why didn't you tell me that this happened and why I gotta find out through another means?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, it's kind of about what I wanted to talk about today. It's kind of what I wanted to talk about today. Um these um what I'm not your bestie anymore. Like what do you are? What is this? It's this you are completely my bestie. Okay. Um it's just this um, and we've touched on this before multiple times, you know. Um the ways that we hide ourselves, the ways that we um the self-judgment, you know, we can talk about um imposter syndrome, you know, I have some caveats around that, but I think, you know, it still exists, but it exists a little differently. It may exist a little differently for for black folks. Um but uh a lot of what was going on for me in that um not sharing that with you or anyone. I didn't share it with my children. I just know that I was interviewed and then so what? I just kept it moving. I told no one are you on TV'd? It was a it was a cool what happened the last day that we were at the theater, you know, right after the last show, everything gets packed up pretty quickly because people are brought in to load things onto big tractor trailers and so on. And um, one of the guys who is um I I see him after every show. Um he's never spoken to me before. He said to me, Oh, I saw you on TV. And that's when I remembered that I was on TV because it was recorded, I would say, two, two and a half weeks ago. What? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, and I think it's and I just saw it today. Okay, okay. So I'm here explaining now, so you don't have to wonder anymore. I'm explaining. Okay. But I'm still feeling a little left out and hurt. That's work you have to do. Okay. That's work you have to do. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. So um, so he said that, and I immediately felt like, oh my gosh, it's out there. Um and yesterday, it just popped up on my um YouTube notification. Um, it popped up, and I I didn't even know that it was the one. I just looked at it because I knew it was something related to North Carolina theater. And I played it and I saw it, and I was like, you know, it wasn't so bad. So here's some of the backstory. Um so we were told that they were coming, but I completely forgot that they were coming that day. And I was actually even a little late. I think I was waiting for a delivery at home, and um I got to the theater a little later than I wanted to. There was no one, you know, that I thought was scheduled to meet with me. I I just got there later than I thought. And um so when I got there, I heard that um they had stopped by, but they went down to speak to the director, and I was apologizing for my tardiness, and they said, no, no, this actually worked out a little better because whatever. I see. Go ahead. So um I just realized I didn't put my phone on to not disturb. So I um I so I wasn't, you know, put together the way I wanted to be. I'm always, you know, I I whatever. Um I wasn't wearing what I wanted, but you know, I was looking cute. I like what I was wearing, but I wasn't, I wasn't like, I didn't feel like I was camera ready. Um and I was less, it was less of an issue of what am I gonna say, because I know my craft in this space very well. So um that wasn't a concern, but it was all of that stuff swirling in my head. Um and I made some um, I you know, it was like, oh, I should have said all of those things that happened.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So is are these some of the reasons why you didn't really more publicly announce it or say to me, oh, check this out, or is it more than that?
SPEAKER_00Well, well, these were the reasons why I was like, okay, it's done, no big deal. I didn't even think about it. Okay. Beyond that, I just I just knew that okay, it wasn't too bad. I I said some things that I wanted to say, and um I wasn't that interested in the I wasn't interested at all, to be honest, in the outcome. I just did um my thing. And but the way that it kind of connects with these um this this kind of this broader topic around um our self-judgment, negative self-talk, imposter syndrome, and that's goes to like what you call your judge Judy. This is my it was my judge Judy. Yeah, it was my Judge Judy. And here's the thing, because it kind of um it kind of was like a side, a side swipe, Judge Judy. What do you mean by that? You know, the way that I was feeling most dominantly was okay, I did that, I did okay, let's move on. So I wasn't like swirling in my judgment, but the reason that I didn't share it or that I didn't look at it myself or asked when it was gonna be um um televised, that was Judge Shooty. Yeah, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, this just kind of makes me think how I think this is related that very there are times when other people see us as way more competent and accomplished as we see ourselves. Yes, that's and obviously we each know our own body of work and the things that we've done and our successes, right? And we even know the roads or the failures that we've you know taken to get to where we are uh in a successful way. But sometimes those things don't really come forward, yeah, you know, and I still sometimes have doubts, I wouldn't call it doubts per se, but I question some of my accomplishments or successes or when people um lord me, or you know, for I'll give you a more concrete example that I'm about to I was asked to teach a class um coming up next week on uh anesthesia and uh laboring patients. And I've been doing this for many years, I'm very comfortable at it, but I'm still, I was still um wondering like why would they ask me about it? You know, and if I were to be honest, and it's obvious, I'm an expert in a field. I don't see myself as that. Right. Right. You know, so obviously, you know, with my education and my profession, I bring a certain amount of expertise to this particular field.
SPEAKER_00Right. And who and I think who you are more broadly, the way that you bring in those things, those things that you've learned, and combined with who you are, you your humanism, your way of perhaps being women, yeah, your your way of your way of um kind of being very um um you have a lot of sensibilities around people in distress, and that shows up. That's not a part of what you learned, that is what is um shows up in your in your practice of it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I suppose. I suppose why is it I suppose?
SPEAKER_00Hold. What do you mean I suppose? Why can't it be emphatic? Yeah, you're right. Why is it I I suppose? Because that to me sounds like you're kind of boxing it away a little bit.
SPEAKER_01You're not really Yeah, it's it's it's in line with what we're speaking about. Yeah, so that's why I wanted to call it out because you're doing it. It's a little difficult for me to accept it wholeheartedly. Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so anyway, you so then I have to hedge a little bit. What you said? I have to hedge a little bit. So so yeah, because I I saw your presentation, it's amazing. I I was kind of I know I was looking at it.
SPEAKER_01You asked me to look at it from a okay, is it um can it be I guess from a technically um an aesthetic way? And then you stopped and you're like, wait a minute, and I'm like, what, what? And you're like, I'm actually learning some of this stuff, and I'm like, really?
SPEAKER_00It's like you know where to put that needle, you know where to put it there and not there. If you if you were just a sixteenth of an inch off, you could what Leslie? You're like and single day. Like multiple times a day, I was I was repeatedly in awe of the magnitude you might have even asked me, like, aren't you like afraid? Or no, you should be afraid to do it. Um, but you were like thankfully. But what you said was um yeah, and sometimes things do go wrong in our profession, and you have to be prepared, you you know, but I never walk in there nervous.
SPEAKER_01No, no, I do trust my training. If this happens, and I think that applies to any craft, but then why is it that other people might be more trusting of our training and our abilities and our expertise than we readily are, you know?
SPEAKER_00I think a part of that is um is the way that we and the world view failure. And you know, I'm thinking because well, I had I had a conversation with um my sister. Um, you guys may remember she's a um college professor and um a medical anthropologist, and um she has done some work around failure and um kind of reframing failure because failure is a part, for example, of um amazing scientific breakthroughs, right? It comes through a series of failures, and so this idea we have of um seeing failure as negative or trying to avoid failure or being afraid of failure is incongruent with the benefits of sequential failures, right? Because it's only through that that you get to that big um that big breakthrough. And so um I had a conversation with her. Maybe if um we send this to our editor, he can put some of that into this conversation. Um, okay.
SPEAKER_01You recorded some of that conversation?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I did because we had it while I was um visiting her earlier this summer. And um so you know, I'm like, could I get the mic because it was juicy, right? It's it's she always kind of widens um perspectives. Um, I think some of how I do that comes from just being her younger sister and kind of seeing the ways that um she she kind of looks beyond what is right in front of you. Um but um the the other piece of uh the conversation that we had around that is because through failure really comes success, it can, it often does, um uh there is some um belief understanding um um this this this kind of push towards sharing failures on your CV, for example. You know, I think instead of just that one success that comes after 20 failures, by sharing some of your failures, um you give a um a more um authentic view of what it took to get there. And it also um kind of nullifies the negativity around failure, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_01Right and it would change the face of social media completely. Could you imagine?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely, yeah. But here's the thing, Les, and I don't know how it's wrapped into this. I really want to.
SPEAKER_01I was just gonna ask. So, how do you think this is wrapped into why we're not so um why it's it's so difficult sometimes for us to accept, you know, other people's opinion of us, or you know, oh, you look beautiful today. This whole thing, look at it as well. Your nails look really nice. Oh, I have to redo these or whatever. You know, I think on a smaller level it's all probably related.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think so. I think it's because um we're conditioned to hide certain things about ourselves. Bragging, you mean?
SPEAKER_01Um well it's I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it's that I think all of that, right? You know, um to to be humble, not to be cocky, especially with with women. Um, I think maybe there's there's a racial component to this also. Um I think maybe the broader context is um you know, is that we're socialized to believe that the people who make it just kind of woke up that way.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00You know what I mean? They didn't have to go through anything. You know, it's like, oh, they the fact that they had this big hit record or this big, you know, um uh major um publicity thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like I've had an overnight success uh sensation for the last.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And I I'd read something about um Michael Jordan, and it talked about how many times he failed, how many times he failed before he became this um this kind of um skilled superstar. Yeah, superstar. Of course, we heard the same thing about um people like Albert Einstein and and things like that, and um Edison and the the um black inventors that we hardly ever hear about. I'm sure that was that was their experience too. So I think that we're kind of you know, we're we're we're kind of um socialized in this way, and then it becomes this way that we start to judge our so Les. Here's another thing.
SPEAKER_01It's a part of I think that we judge other people, and so oh yeah, right in our judgment of other people, we naturally assume that people must be judging us. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Here's a little bit of an aside. Yeah, that as I've gotten older and the older I get, I'm less judgmental.
SPEAKER_00Hold on, you're on a tributary? Let's what now? Could you name it?
SPEAKER_01Could you call the thing a thing? Let me just say, my tributaries are much less than your tributaries, your tributaries are paragraphs. Mine was a sentence.
SPEAKER_00And mine was like, whoop.
SPEAKER_01Quick stream. But um oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_00So I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Maybe say that again.
SPEAKER_01I forgot what I was saying.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, you did not. No, you didn't. I didn't bring it back. Bring it on back, bring it on back. All right, if it comes back, um, say it again, please. Because I know it was so important. Um, so so yeah, um, you know what we forgot to mention? We forgot to mention that we are at the end of season four, right? Our fourth season, if you can believe that. Yeah, yeah. We're almost at our one-year mark um of launching our podcasts. We launched on October 24th of um 2022. Ah, that's true.
SPEAKER_01And today is October 19th as we're recording. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so um Whoa, what are we gonna do to celebrate? I know we have to do something. We have to find a way to do something. So we don't know yet, but I might jump in the pool. I don't mean like that, Les. Oh I mean like to, you know, celebrate with our Patreon subscribers and with our um followers and all the people who are just coming to know us. I have an idea.
SPEAKER_01What we've had so much fun over this last year. Yes. We've we've made so many mistakes over this last year.
SPEAKER_03Yes, we have.
SPEAKER_01We've had so many funny and and and sometimes difficult times, but more funny, and and I think that we sh our next recording should just we should just talk about some of those and just laugh about those things.
SPEAKER_00Okay, we can do that, you know. We can do it.
SPEAKER_01I think that we need to bring, and I'm not sure if we can get some little excerpts in or whatever, but we might be able to do that. But I think that our next recording should just be like in a best of, not sure when we're gonna air it, but a best of and bringing in snippets and things like that. I think we should do that.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00We'll we'll we'll endeavor to do that. And if it's if it's not the next one, it'll be the next one.
SPEAKER_01It will be we're not sure when it will air, but that's you and I start developing that. I think it should be fun.
SPEAKER_00Right. So it may not be like on the day, day or close to the day, but it will be our our one-year anniversary celebration.
SPEAKER_01Special special. Special. Yes. All right, the black boomer besties from Brooklyn. Special.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Love it.
SPEAKER_00Love it, love it, love it. All right, all right. So so this episode is going to be a short one. And um, so we just wanted to share this with you, and what we we'd like for you to consider in what ways do you hide yourself, right? The the Bible talks about, and I'm sure other um religious texts talk about this idea of how we show up and to um let your light shine and not shine your put your light under a rock. Under a table, under a rock, under cover, you know, um, but to let your light shine. We are um created to um to to serve, to give of ourselves, and that's one way to do it.
SPEAKER_01With talents, it's our obligation to let them shine in whatever realm or um area it is. I like it.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't have to be a podcast.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. No, just leave that to us.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01We got this, we got this. The other thing I want to say is thank you to all of our subscribers. Thank you for the people that have reached out to us in this year. Thank you also to our Patreon members. Yeah, we really appreciate it. We um love the support, we need the support. And um, if you want to continue following us or supporting us, you can you can um just go to patreon.com and we are the besties quad squad.
SPEAKER_02Yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_01So this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, Brooklyn.
