Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
This is what the world needs now: two free-thinking “seasoned” Black women speaking their truth and inspiring others to do the same. Shaped by 45 years of friendship that began at the prestigious Brooklyn Technical High School through the Ivy League, medical school, marriages, divorces, triumphs, parenting queer children, life-threatening illness and many many amazing adventures. Each week, besties Leslie Osei-Tutu and Angella Fraser will push against boundaries in love, culture, careers, faith, politics and out-dated assumptions about women of a certain age. Remember, you’re never too old to change your mind…or your hair! (but more on that later :-)All views are our own and do not reflect the views of our institution/company. Information provided is not intended to serve as medical advice.
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
I’m Fallen in Love with My Heavier Body
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The Besties celebrate rejecting societal norms and embracing their true selves.
This episode delves into the complexities of body image, especially within the Black community, and how societal and cultural perceptions shape our self-esteem.
By prioritizing joy and self-compassion over dieting, Ang has begun to experience a deeper love for her body, just the way it is, without the need to cover up or limit her wardrobe choices. Les knows how big a shift this is for Ang, and as always, roots enthusiastically for her bestie.
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Visit Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn website for behind-the-scenes extras.
Body Positivity and Self-Acceptance Journey
Speaker 1You know, I'm looking at myself in the mirror, here or in the camera, and because we're talking about body and body consciousness, that's why I came to this recording naked, so my hair is actually covering my breasts. So this is the Black Boomer Bestie PG-13 version, you know with the no.
Speaker 2I am not. I have on a t-shirt, a tank top.
Speaker 2Hey Ange, hey Les, how are you? I'm slower today, but here I am. Welcome to Black Boomer Bethesda, from Brooklyn. We are Leslie, that's Leslie, that's Leslie, that's Leslie, and I'm Angela. We are two free-thinking. We are two free-thinking 60-something-year-old, almost 50 years in bestiehood, and we're here to invite you to think deeply and to act boldly. That is why we decided to create this podcast, and so, if you are an inquisitive older woman, or if you love one, or if you want to become one, please stay with us. You'll be glad you did someone. Please stay with us, you'll be glad you did so. I've been sick, as you know, and so my energy is a little weird, my focus is a little weird, but, um, something came up and it's not often that I engage in conversation around weight and things like that and body image and so I thought, um, let's bring it to the people. Let's bring it to the people. So, um, something.
Speaker 1It's gonna be that kind of revealing episode. It's tough, but um revealing slash.
Speaker 2Um, helpful because, and just kind of, it's just this weird wonderful thing that's been going on with me.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Spill it. So I have been gaining weight and I have been okay with it. That is the part. It's not like it's just this increasing. But you know pregnancy will do that you know expect to gain weight when you're pregnant.
Speaker 1You're so stupid, that's normal.
Speaker 2I'm not talking to you anymore. Listen, don't make me laugh too much because I don't want to get on a topic. Could you imagine if the rumor got out that?
Speaker 1one of the besties is expecting and didn't Ge to get on a call.
Speaker 2Could you imagine if the rumor got out that one of the besties is expecting, and didn't Gina Davis have a baby in her 50s, so you could have a?
Speaker 1baby in your 60s. It can happen.
Speaker 2Listen, perish the thought.
Speaker 1Perish the thought, perish the thought. So anyway, so you've been gaining some weight.
Speaker 2Yeah, so I've gained weight. I'm not going to. It's not like it's on this upward trajectory and you know, I've kind of settled into this heavier weight and what has been really interesting is that I'm really not upset about it. I things that I have not worn before. Like you know, I don't really I don't like to wear shorts. I never wear short shorts. So it's not a conversation about short shorts or not short shorts, but you've been really someone who's worn shorts all of your life, all the time, and I almost never wear shorts. I like skirts, you know, even kind of tight fitting skirts. That.
Speaker 1I would see.
Speaker 2I almost said obviously that, and then my top would kind of come over my, my butt area and so on. But I've been more a skirt person than a shorts person. Yeah, but I have been, and just the way that I look at myself in pictures and so on and the things I'm choosing to wear. I'm not trying to cover up this weight gain, that, um, that's that's wonderful let me tell you.
Speaker 2Let me tell you, I don't know myself what I don't know myself I, I don't. It's this weird thing. But let me tell you how it, how it started.
Speaker 1Tell me how this all came about.
Speaker 2Well, what happened is just on this continuous journey of self-awareness, self-reflection, leaning into my joy and things like that, when I was moving and kind of the stressors that came up around me moving, not the move itself, but kind of this living situation that I was in and so on created these stressors and I made a decision. It wasn't kind of like it's big, Okay, I'm making this edict, but I was like I'm not gonna, I'm not going to be concerned about what I eat. That's one of the things that I'm going to let go of as I do this thing, because it's just an additional kind of thing to think about and I didn't want to think about it.
Speaker 2I just it was kind of like that and I didn't want to think about it. I just it was kind of like that. I just didn't want to think about it.
Speaker 1I was going to just let myself be, and you know I'm not an overeater, Right, I was just going to say are you going to just rely and rest on the fact that you typically eat well, generally anyway, you're not a big junk food eater, you eat a lot of fruit and things like that.
Speaker 2Correct, correct, but I think one of the things that happened, too, is that I tend to eat low carb. When I it would, there was some medical association that I made with the fact that that isn't my go-to anymore, right, and so. So, anyway, I made kind of a conscious decision that I wasn't going to be overly concerned about my diet, because it was one of those things that I was like, look, it's too much, I'm going to choose not to do that, and so the things that I would typically do is to increase my exercise and decrease my carbs, but there were some restrictions around that the carb side of it and so, anyway, I feel like I did make a decision around letting go of that concern, and then what I started to see happening is that, as I could tell that I was gaining weight, I noticed that my choices on what I was wearing wasn't being affected, because typically, when I'm in this, I need to watch what I eat thing.
Speaker 1If, because I'm gaining weight, I need to watch what I eat, thing.
Speaker 2Because I'm gaining weight.
Speaker 1Then you start choosing to cover up and hide a little bit more. And I know one thing that I've talked to you over the decades that we've known each other is your body self-talk. Right, you know, when we pick out clothes, I'll say, oh, you got to wear this, and you're like I wouldn't wear this. And then you put it on and it actually looks terrific on you, right, you know, when we pick out clothes, I'll say, oh, you got to wear this, and you're like I wouldn't wear this. And then you put it on and it actually looks terrific on you.
Speaker 2Right, you know what I mean. So a lot of it, far too often, that I'd like to admit.
Speaker 1Yeah, so a lot of it was a mental block or restrictions, rather than actual. This is going to look like crap on me.
Speaker 2Yeah, but here. So there's another aspect to that that I have to bring in. Like you're and you may not be even aware of this, I may have mentioned it to you a couple times more recently, but you're you have the kind of the traditionally you desirable body type for women Right. And so you may so it's always been this thing for me.
Speaker 1When you say I have that traditional, you mean my like lovely high lifted large bosom, teeny, tiny waist and hips that are, just so you know, like the perfect hourglass. Is that what you're referring to?
Speaker 2Sort of. Well, it's kind of like, and you have kind of the typical, what people say Black women, you know, have the butt and so on. I don't have the butt. You've got the low lower extremity part. My, my, I have a big bosom. But the other part of this in in my body con issues is that I don't have the, you know, the inverted waist, and you know I don't have this. I don't have this. I'm more, I don't even know what my shape is, but you know, and so that has played a role too in how I see myself, regardless of my weight. Even when I've been really buff to the point where people describe me that way, I haven't always seen myself as this kind of ideal, ideal womanly body.
Speaker 1You know there's so many things about that. One what I'm hearing is like the media or not social media, because we're kind of talking about ideas that we've developed before. Social media was a big thing, but certainly the public view has a lot to do with how we see ourselves.
Speaker 2You know what I mean.
Speaker 1Right. So you wonder if, if you're, a lot of your concern is externally focused versus internal focus. You know what I mean. I love the fact that you are now not I'm not going to use the word embracing yourself, or even though there's there's part of it, but I like the fact that one you're making a recognition that my body is not exactly the way I want to be, but this is the best part of it, and is that I'm okay with that? Yes, I'm seeing that I'm okay with that. You're not stressing over that.
Speaker 2I'm seeing that I'm actually more than okay with it. I'm actually really good with it and I'll tell you a couple of things. It's just this it sounds like freedom to me what is going?
Speaker 2on what is going on, like what is literally what is going on, and despite the fact that you know I am on camera and people are seeing me and they're likely seeing the changes in me and those types of things, I wanted to really say it out loud that it feels really good to be at this weight. It feels really good. It's almost like it's a combination. Of weight is something that I can change whenever I want to Right. It's not something that has control over me Over you.
Speaker 2I can change it whenever I want to.
Speaker 1And so often we feel out of control, which I think that's where a lot of the angst come from.
Embracing Body Positivity Journey
Speaker 2Yes, yes, the other thing is just some things that I've noticed is just just some things that I've noticed, like um. Okay, so I, when I was in um on my joy journey, on my um peace journey I'll call it I I bought some overalls, which I've wanted overalls for a long time. So I bought some overalls and I upcycled them and and I think they're so cute. And one of the things that I did, you know, I cut them off into kind of longish shorts and they used to be really baggy on me and I've been choosing to wear them even though they're no longer really baggy on me.
Speaker 1They're shorts, no longer really baggy on me, they're shorts and and and when, and you know, I usually walk to the local coffee shop and so when I'm taking my steps I feel so strong, like Les you don't know this is like you've always associated, like certainly your body and exercise, with the strength of your body and what it can do, whereas I again was have have been more, maybe externally focused on what I look like right, not necessarily function, more form than function.
Speaker 2I got, you, got, you, got you.
Speaker 1Got you.
Speaker 2Yeah. So this way that I've been feeling, I'm telling you it is revolutionary. I don't know. It's almost like man when you decide that you want to change your weight, you're going to be like Unstoppable. You're going to be unstoppable because you and I don't even know what being on the other side is going to feel like, because a part of it, too, that I see going on is that there's just this disassociation now between the idea that you have to look a certain way to show up. Right, If you don't look a certain way, you have to hide. Yeah, yeah, that is what is just being blown to smithereens. Right, there's this.
Speaker 1So so, anyway, it's funny because I've always that's something that I've always had that ability to, I guess, to be a little less concerned. Yeah, because, you know, having struggled with weight my entire life, I, you know, or at least the last, I would say, half of my life, 30 years, or whatever, or whatever, I, um, I knew that, whatever it is that I was doing, I had to present myself in the body that I had. You know, you know, I, just here I am, this is who I am and this is how I look, you know, um, but I'm a lot. I am becoming more conscious of what I look like because I've been on this losing weight thing for the last couple of years and I'm now happier with the way that I appear externally, you know.
Speaker 2Do you have you ever considered that, even because of the shape that you are, even the more of it is considered attractive, which is not always the case, and it doesn't mean that you internalize it that way, but it's?
Speaker 1mostly the case in our Black women communities. We are accepted and lauded as bigger than the typical, I think, black men. What do you mean in black women? I think men, no, no, no, I'm saying black women are accepted when we are larger than non-melanated people. And the feedback we get is like I used to get this feedback all the time you can lose weight, but don't lose too much weight. Or you know it's like I like you the way you are. I think you're fine, you don't need to lose any more weight.
Speaker 2That kind of thing, yeah Right, but what I'm calling out and you may not be aware of this, because you're living in this body and I you know is that, because of your shape, that is much more of a reflection of that, I think, than someone with my shape.
Speaker 1When you say much more reflection of that. What's that?
Speaker 2That that is people not wanting you to lose too much, or? Seeing you regardless of how much you weigh when you get on the scale, your shape remains. And so it's almost like more of a good thing than some of a bad thing.
Speaker 1I certainly understand the question that you're posing. It's hard for me to make a comment because I don't see the other side, right right right, right, I mean unless you and I walk side to side.
Speaker 1I couldn't say who gets the most attention from people. We want to get attention from Right. Right, because we both get attention Right. Indeed, we do, indeed, we do. Because we both get attention Right. Indeed, we do, indeed we do. You know, I'm looking at myself in the mirror here or in the camera. And because we're talking about body and body consciousness, that's why I came to this recording naked, so my hair is actually covering my breasts.
Speaker 2You know, you look like Eve. That's who you look like. You look like.
Speaker 1Eve in the garden. Rapunzel could be, you know it's like, but it's covering all you know. So this is the black boomer bestie PG-13 virgin, you know with the no, I am not.
Speaker 2I have on a t-shirt, a tank top. I have on a tank top, but it looks kind of funny.
Speaker 1I'm like, looks like I don't have any clothes on. It's not that kind of party.
Speaker 2Yet Well, I'm new coming into it. Yeah, so go ahead.
Speaker 1I love this new awareness that you have.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Especially the meta part of it, that you're considering the implications of it and the changes that you've made from now to then. Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, where these two gorgeous women are telling people to not only live your best life, but present yourself in the way that you want to and forget what society says All those things.
Speaker 2You should catch it, I think. So Listen, and we're going to have an episode where we talk about how the podcast has changed us Note to self, producer, how this podcast has changed us. This is definitely one of the ways. Definitely one of the ways, because we are always about how we show up authentically and it doesn't mean that we tell all of our business before we're ready to tell all of our business but, we're also on this journey, right, and so I couldn't have had this conversation.
Embracing Self-Acceptance and Listen
Speaker 2when we started the podcast, right, I hadn't reached this point in my journey, but I wanted to share it here. But I wanted to share it here. Another reason why I wanted to talk about it is a few things have happened and I think because of people's perceptions of how one feels about.
Speaker 1Anyway, let me just tell you what do you mean?
Speaker 2Expand on that.
Speaker 2So one thing is a few months ago I went to an event it was a women's event, small, I don't know, maybe there were 15, 20 of us and I wore a dress that was above my knee and when we sat down for pictures, you know, I, my legs were crossed at the ankle and I looked down and I really loved what I saw.
Speaker 2I loved my, I loved how my thighs looked, and so I said something like oh, angela, look at that, look at that, Look at those thighs, something like that. Right, and the person who was sitting next to me, who I didn't know, well, I met her when I came to the event, but we'd been chatting up a little bit, we had some things in common, and she went into a, you know, kind of a loving but a corrective type of oh don't say that about yourself, or don't you know? You know, girl, you look. It was kind of in a way, reprimanding me or correcting my, my way of seeing myself, because she thought I was in a self deprecating, not realizing that, not realizing that I was actually like oh, my God look at you.
Speaker 2I like what I'm seeing, angela, and so I I gave her like a half try to correct her, you know to let her explain what actually was going was going on right, but it wasn't working. She was fully into the.
Speaker 1I'm gonna help this sister feel, because that's a typical thing we're usually criticizing ourselves, even when we get compliments we like oh this old thing and I only I wore a dress, the other day right to an affair and I got to say it was really terrific. And as soon as I walked into the wedding I got compliments and I just kept saying, oh, thank you, oh, my $6 thrift shop dress and oh, thank you. You know, it's like why I got to tell people it's a $6 thrift shop dress. Just thank you.
Speaker 2Thank you, because I really felt terrific in it too. Yeah.
Speaker 1Thank you. Thank you Because I really felt terrific in it too. Yeah, and you looked amazing in it. I was with you when you cut it there. We go Off the rack in size L. It had the pink tag on it.
Speaker 2You know the 50% off.
Speaker 1Special of the day.
Speaker 2So another couple of things that happened is I actually said out loud to a few family members at different times that, yeah, I've gained weight, and they immediately went into the same kind of you know, like don't feel bad about yourself, or kind of like I didn't notice, or whatever, when in fact, what I was just saying is I don't it's. I'm not hiding it, I'm not. You know, I'm not trying to and I'm not beating myself up about it.
Speaker 1I'm just kind of yeah, exactly something that we're used to doing. So how about if we, with this podcast episode or whatever, let's just stop it and let's just you know, it's just, guys, consider this If we start talking about our bodies or our weights or something like that, it doesn't mean that we're lamenting about putting on a couple of pounds or because our breasts are sagging or this or that. First of all, I'm 62 years old. You're almost there. But what should my body look like at 62? You know what I mean? It's almost like the gray hair that I have. I wish I had a little bit more, actually, but like 62-year-old people have gray hair. Yes, you know, we, we do, and we have this too. Nothing that a little lift. Oh, I like it, you know. No, that's all you gotta say. You're beautiful just the way you are. What did you not get the memo just now?
Speaker 2no, no, well, but the way that I was, what do you mean? You like the correction.
Speaker 1This is the facelift version. This is the natural version. Aren't we going for natural edge? Leslie you crack me up. You know what? Everything we just said about the podcast, never mind.
Speaker 2Please, please, don't make me laugh anymore I'm drinking.
Speaker 1This is not wine, by the way.
Speaker 2This is um some um, some um um, immune.
Speaker 1Did you mix like cough syrup? What do they call that crank? I know, isn't it like a crank, isn't it like some designer drug or whatever? They were mixing cough syrup with something, something Leslie. Why would I know that?
Speaker 2Why do you know that? Why do you know that? Well, the thing the way that I would. I would kind of wrap this is just be listeners, be better listeners. Be listeners, be better listeners, Be a little less inclined to just kind of do the knee jerk thing. Oh, if someone says that or that, it's almost to have this automatic response where you're not really listening, you're just associating that comment with oh, that means this, and it triggers all these reactions.
Speaker 1But I think that that not only can go with be coupled with a conversation about weight, but I think in general we're not listeners.
Speaker 2That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Yes, we're not people who are good listeners, we are usually stop speaking while we wait to give our response to whatever it is that the person is saying.
Speaker 2Exactly so. You're right about that. We're thinking about how to respond.
Speaker 1Right, but what you're also saying is that we should listen for a new paradigm about body consciousness and what it is that people start, that we should listen for a new paradigm about body consciousness and what it is that people are actually saying, and I'm really saying that I am okay with this little wrinkly stuff under here and that this is not necessarily better it's cute no, no, I'm just, I'm kidding does look kind of smooth.
Speaker 2No, the thing was that it was so easy for you to for that change to happen. It was like it was like it's not like you've got tape and it was that change worth five thousand dollars?
Speaker 1you know what that is a good thing tape. I can put like some tan color masking tape behind my ears.
Speaker 2You see what I'm going, you see where I'm going. She takes it to another level. But yes, so how are we on time? I think we need to start wrapping. We're doing okay on time. We're doing okay. Yeah, we can start a replay.
Speaker 1So I this is not a conversation about health.
Speaker 2It's not a conversation about with me something that is actually quite revolutionary. You know, I could feel it, I can. You know, it's just this remarkable, fantastic change that I'm noticing in how I see myself, and sometimes when I think about it I almost want to cry because it's so good, that's wonderful. Yeah, it's so good, that's wonderful. Yeah it's so good that's a beautiful thing to say.
Speaker 1I'm so glad that you recognize that. But I'll counter, actually, and say it is a lot about health also, and it may not necessarily be about physical health, but your mental health seems to be different and improved when you start embracing yourself in a more loving, less critical way. You know, I think that's a mentally healthy, a healthier approach to you know, than dealing with the angst of you know, these types of things.
Speaker 2I love it. I like seeing it. I'm happy for you, babe. Right, thank you. Thank you, rosary. Thank you, I appreciate it. It's, you know, there's this phase of our lives I, you know, I refer to it as this wisdom phase of life and it's, it's still, or it can still be, speaking to everyone out there. It can still be this amazing time of self-discovery, of of being just open to reframing the way that we see the world, the way that we see ourselves. There's still these beautiful discoveries that we can make, and it can be, if you choose to allow it. It can be this beautiful time of life where, kind of all of the things that have brought you to where you are in this moment can, can give you permission about what the next moment, the next, the next, the next, the next and which becomes your future right.
Speaker 2Your future is two minutes from now, like I'm in the future, now, now.
Speaker 1And right now again.
Speaker 2Like right now again and we're being silly about it, but I hope you're getting what I mean that there's always this capacity we have to reflect on the things that we would want to perhaps see differently. And a few episodes ago, leslie and I talked about the. You know that our quirks, our weirdness, can be indicators of that.
Speaker 1So it's coming up in my spirit again, this idea that these things that you know we've always oh, it's always been this way and so it will continue to be this way, right, and I am like this it ain't necessarily so.
Finding Quiet in the Noise
Speaker 2It like this, necessarily so it ain't necessarily it ain't necessarily so and even like being the ways that you are, because there are things that are consistent about you throughout your life right um to um, dig into that a little bit more, right um, and and understand that more deeply, that part of yourself more, more deeply Sorry.
Speaker 1And again, though, what it requires we've got to start getting a little more quiet. We've got to start that, start drowning out a lot of the noise and the flush that's going fluff, that's going on around us, because that's not going to change. That's going on around us because that's not going to change. We have to be intentional about using quiet time or prayer time or morning time, or turning off the external noise, just so that we can understand what it is that's going on in our heads.
Speaker 1Remember the Bible verse where you know my sheep know my voice. You know we ain't going to. You know we ain't gonna hear no voices if we ain't quiet. You know.
Speaker 2So, wow, okay let's listen to you being Miss. What can I say, miss?
Speaker 1Oh boy Anyway.
Speaker 2Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1We appreciate you. Don't forget to press like and subscribe.
Speaker 2That's right and tell your friends, that's right.
Speaker 1So this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.
Speaker 2Brooklyn.
