Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Girl, You’re Doing Way Too Much!
Leslie has been feeling quite tired lately. Actually, she would say she was exhausted. It was so bad that for only the first time in more than 20 years she overslept for work. For Leslie, an anesthesiologist, oversleeping means that there is a surgeon, staff of nurses and a patient being delayed and waiting for her. She came up with what she saw as a simple solution- she would buy an alarm clock. When her bestie Angella heard of this plan, she at first listened incredulously then burst out laughing. While Leslie at first didn’t know what was so funny, the conversation that ensued turned quite serious and thought provoking.
What if an alarm clock isn’t the answer to a chaotic schedule but instead requires a closer look at how you're managing a stressful time in your life? The Besties’ banter, representing a nearly 50 year friendship, is more than just fun and games; it reveals the layers of support, grace and humor that keeps their friendship strong and resilient. Their candid conversation highlights the importance of recognizing one's limits and the power of self-care, reminding us that rest and rejuvenation are not just luxuries, but necessities.
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Hey Ange.
Speaker 2:Hey Les.
Speaker 1:How are you Good now. They started out a little weird, but I'm good now.
Speaker 2:It's good, we're going to talk about it. Welcome to a new episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. I'm Angella and that's. Leslie, I always do it wrong, I don't know which way.
Speaker 1:I think it's to your left shoulder.
Speaker 2:Leslie. That way, I had to think which way. I think it's to your left shoulder, leslie, that way, I had to think about that. I had to do this in my head, this in my head. I know which one was left. I'm Angela. That's my bestie, leslie. We've been best friends for almost 50 years and we started this podcast because we wanted to invite you to think deeply and act boldly. That's what we do, that's what we talk about, and so if you are an older, inquisitive woman, or if you love one, or if you want to become one, please stay a while, learn a little something, giggle a little something, and you'll be glad that you did. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, just take a moment. Let's just take a moment with my new hair.
Speaker 2:I'm liking it, let's just take a moment, let's take a moment. So, yes, this is one of my creations.
Speaker 1:It looks good.
Speaker 2:You guys may know. If you're new you probably don't know, but you may have just kind of seen in the videos my hair changes all the time. Um, among other things, I became a wig maker because I wanted to change my hair all the time, and so I'm rocking a few of my wigs in the last few episodes. Anyway, it's just looking at me. So I had to. I had to give her a shout out, so Les, tell them what happened today.
Speaker 1:So all right Today started out a little bit unusual. I'm an anesthesiologist. I plan to be in the OR today at 645. I had a lot to do before my 730Ks started. So I woke up this morning and something seemed a little off. I looked at the clock and it was 7 am. What time did? I just say I was supposed to be in the OR. I'm like, oh my gosh, I overslept. It's maybe the second time I did that in 20 years. Wow.
Speaker 1:And what oversleep for an anesthesiologist means is that there's a surgeon waiting like this in front of the OR, there's a patient waiting like this to start, there's nurses, there's a whole staff waiting for me to come in and I'm like, but anyway, waiting for me to come in and I'm like, but anyway. So when I told you the story earlier today, you know I said, you know I overslept today and I think on my way home I'm going to stop at the store and buy an alarm clock so that this doesn't happen again. I can put the alarm. I had the whole plan. I'll put the alarm in the next room to have to get up to turn it off, like the old school, you know bring, bring, bring, okay. So, ange, immediately you started laughing and I'm like what's so funny about that? You know, it's like that's a good plan.
Speaker 2:And you said what problem are you trying to solve? What?
Speaker 1:problem are you trying to solve? I only wanted to solve the oversleep.
Speaker 2:Okay, and that is the top problem in the five whys why did I oversleep? Why did I oversleep?
Speaker 1:You see, this could have been fixed with an alarm clock, a 999 Casio alarm clock.
Speaker 2:OK, you had to take it.
Speaker 1:She always does this to me.
Speaker 2:It's never simple. Listen up folks, because it's not simple. This is surface shit. There's a gnat right here, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:There's one right here. You see that I'm reaching for it all.
Speaker 2:It must have come through. I think it did, I think it did, I think it did. Just don't want it to fly in my mouth, but you just saw me just do like this too.
Speaker 1:Right, there's something going on. This is crazy. Remember we were recording and I think it went up my nose and I was trying to remember that was a few seasons ago. Oh my gosh, and I just kept going. It was like in the first few months, and you know I'm bug averse.
Speaker 2:Yesterday I saw something that's a new word bug averse. Okay, I like it.
Speaker 1:Yesterday I was driving in the car. We'll get back to the story in just a minute. I know we will, but just yesterday I was on my way to work and something flew across me. I'm in my car and I look and it was a bee. The windows were closed. I'm like it's a bee. Immediately, first of all, I almost crashed, but then I rolled down all the windows and it went almost like back this way and I couldn't drive and look and at the same time, I almost took the top down to let it out.
Speaker 1:I almost took the top down and the whole time I'm driving I'm like the top down to let it out. I almost took the top down and the whole time I'm driving I'm like this, looking for the thing Because, like where, I didn't want it to get on the back of my head, you know. So, anyway, let's get back to the story. So you started laughing, you started laughing and I didn't understand why until you explained that my solution to buying an alarm clock because I overslept was laughable.
Speaker 2:It was laughable because you really think that's going to solve the core problem. It will solve a problem but it will not solve the core problem. Leslie has been moving.
Speaker 1:She has been going, going, going hard for the last, at least the last week, two weeks.
Speaker 2:But I mean in the last few days I've got the phone calls and I'm driving the truck.
Speaker 1:I'm in the truck. I boxed up 70 boxes. Oh, I'm going after work, I'm doing this, I'm doing this and I'm driving the truck. I'm in the truck, I boxed up 70 boxes.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm going after work, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing.
Speaker 1:It's been intense and she is wondering If an alarm clock will fix my problem.
Speaker 2:She is wondering what is wrong with me.
Speaker 1:But that is why am I?
Speaker 2:Why am I waking up late? That is actually what you said. What is wrong?
Speaker 1:I'm like what's wrong with me?
Speaker 2:a few days ago you called me up and you said ang, I'm feeling really tired, um do you think it's? Because okay, so welcome to my world. Welcome to my world. She says she did. She says, wait, do you think it's because I'm not drinking enough water? I feel parched, I feel like I that has something to do with me feeling. She went on and on and on and I'm like, yeah, I said and I said I'm really.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm so tired I can't drive home from work yes, I said you pay, me mean and what you should have said to me is you fool?
Speaker 2:You fool, you fool. That sounds like I you fool. I didn't do it those times because but the alarm clock was the last straw.
Speaker 1:You just started laughing and I had no idea why you were laughing until it came clear and it's like all right, pal, you got this, you got this. You know what? I didn't see the forest for the lumber, I'm just too far in it. And then you know what else you said today when I said that to you. You're like, and you're 62. Ha, I did, you did, you did Like. You've got to remind me of my old ass. Why, like, you ain't cut out for this. And it's so funny because I started telling one of my nurse colleagues at work she's my age.
Speaker 1:And she's like oh, why didn't you tell me I can help you? I can help you and I said listen, you're also 62. Your knee has been acting up we are not cut out for this. I am limping and icing my knee regularly. Yet Back on, listen, back on the Tylenol. Every eight hours, I hear you, I'm convicted. Here's the thing you got me.
Speaker 2:Why do we do this?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Why does it become what is wrong with me when? In fact you are demanding too much of yourself, too much Wow. Too much, too much your problem with an alarm clock, because it's it's got to be you, it's got to be this, this thing that's wrong with me you've done it twice in your career. This is the second time and I and and the first, and had I not interrupted the thought, the first thing that you thought to solve the problem is this thing, because there's something wrong with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's something wrong with me. Why am I oversleeping, you know?
Speaker 2:Why am I tired? Why is my knee acting up?
Speaker 1:Isn't that crazy. Now that I think about it, I'm telling you, if a patient or anybody came up to me and said, I would first say well, what have you been up to? Anything new going on in your life? Any stressors? I don't know, even understand, why it didn't hit me that way. You know I, we, I'll say I, but I know it's not just an I thing.
Speaker 2:I've always taken pride in the ability to multitask, do everything, be here.
Speaker 1:There. You know the type A personality and it's wearying. And you know the word that I use is weathering, you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, but you know that's a whole other issue.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, you know, the body tells the story before the head tells you the story. You know, yeah, yeah, before. I don't even know. If you had said listen, and this is real. If you had said yeah, go get one of those clocks, they're really inexpensive, you can pick one up today. I think I would have just said yeah, okay, and then you know, let me go pack more boxes, yeah.
Speaker 2:And get to bed at 1 am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and expect to wake up refreshed at five yep, yep yeah and I, I think I had a real awareness of this les because, um, I'm further along on this journey of self-compassion than you are, and maybe it's five minutes ahead, right but I could see what you were doing to yourself and how immediate it was. There's something wrong with me, I have to fix this and I'm going to fix it like this, versus there's something wrong with me and it's because I'm overdoing it and I need to be, gentler to my body, be gentler to my mind be gentler to put things in priority order.
Speaker 2:You can't do everything and have that conversation with yourself versus what the? Hell is wrong with me? What?
Speaker 1:is going on. It's easier to buy an alarm clock than to have that conversation. Yeah. Because, that gets to certain truths and expectations.
Speaker 2:And guess what? It's easier than fixing the real problem.
Speaker 1:Yes, but you can say oh, I've addressed it. Yes, it's like okay, ticked one thing off the list, got the clock.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:But an alarm clock doesn't fix a weary mind, it doesn't fix a weary spirit. It does not, and I know I've told you that I've been feeling anxiety lately. Yeah, and that's not going to have. An alarm clock will not have any effect on an anxious mind and the anxiety that just comes up when I'm at a red light. You know that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So what's wrong?
Speaker 1:with me. So now here we go again. What's wrong with me, for god's sake? You know how I say sometimes oh, I'm so screwed up why am I? Like this. Yes, why am I like this?
Speaker 2:actually you're the way that I love you, so that's not going to be, um, the thing that needs fixing. It's really like just um, and I say just not to minimize it, but to focus in right to focus in on the um, the ways that we have been socializing in general, to be in this kind of doing all the time thing.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:And God knows, this is what I'm saying to myself also, and I am just kind of calling out that I might have said this already, but I think I recognize that because it's something that I have had to process and kind of work at myself, and so it was very easy for me to recognize what what's happening, what you were doing to yourself.
Speaker 2:Right and what you were ignoring about your, about your needs, right, and. But I wanted to. I wanted to also say this what are you going to do about it? Don't tell me you're going to buy the alarm clock. What are you going to do about it? I'm prepared to do immediately is get that alarm clock.
Speaker 1:No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding now is try to get quiet and get over this. The task that I need to do, you know I'm moving, as I said, so you know that's something that's time limited, but after that I really and I've talked to you about changing my work. You know I don't really want to work full time much longer and be on call and you know, and all of this going in and out of the hospital and things like that. So I need to just quiet and slow things down.
Speaker 2:Can I make a suggestion that goes along with that?
Speaker 1:That was a question.
Speaker 2:I'm afraid it's easy.
Speaker 1:Because when you start making suggestions, they make me think. Because when you start making suggestions, they make me think. You remember how I think it was Isaiah who used to cry and say like I don't like Grandma, she makes me learn.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, that was Isaiah. She makes me learn she makes me read.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, he said she makes me learn. Oh, yes, I don't want to see Grandma, she makes me learn. Yeah, no, he said she makes me learn. Oh, yeah, I don't want to see grandma, she makes me learn. So you know what? I don't want to hear your questions because you make me learn.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm interested Can.
Speaker 1:I make a suggestion. No, point me to Target, leslie, which way is the convenience store? That's how you can help send me an amazon link for a nice cassio. Oh my gosh, all this brain work. I ain't got time for that.
Speaker 2:I mean, give yourself like a when are you gonna? When are you when? When are you gonna stop like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna push this hard because I know there's things that you have to do. I'm going to do this until Wednesday. I'm going to do this until Thursday and then whatever's not done ain't going to get done. Whatever's not done, I'm going to call someone to help me. Whatever's not done, I'm going to know that those things are not my priority. I'm going to know that those things are not my priority because, since I put this deadline, it allowed me to create some priority around this and to understand, I'm going to determine what is done, that done is better than perfect and what does done mean for me.
Speaker 2:I'm going to set these goals for myself instead of I'm going to just work at this until I grind to a halt.
Speaker 1:Disgrind, yeah, and you know that's in my history, grinding. You know it's like I know how to do that. Yeah, and that feels familiar to me. It does. It feels, you know, self-sacrifice, grinding, being tired. You know, self-sacrifice, grinding, being tired. You know, our favorite saying is it's like you're tired, so what?
Speaker 2:Finish it. It's hard, do it anyway.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, it's hard, do it anyway yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, and how's that working for you? And how's that working for you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, how's it working? Well, let's talk to my knee about that. Let's talk to the whole staff of the OR that waited for me today.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, How's that?
Speaker 1:working for Liz.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So our people, our people, as Leslie says, our public, our public, my public. How are you going to have more self-compassion?
Speaker 1:my public.
Speaker 2:How are you going to have more self-compassion? How are you going to create boundaries for yourself to say, yeah, I have to do this. It's hard, but I'm going to put a boundary on this. I'm going to work at this pace for two days. I'm going to work at this pace until this piece is done, but not a hundred percent, but not the next piece is done but not 100%, but not the next piece.
Speaker 1:What can wait? What can wait? Sorry, I couldn't skip this. Stop Siri. What?
Speaker 2:Shut up.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I couldn't skip this. I don't know what that meant. You listening to me?
Speaker 2:Soon. That's going to be the robot in the corner waiting for its next command. That's going to be the robot in the corner waiting for its next command. That's going to be doing that. It won't be Siri. Siri will be this humanoid in the other room there's a movie coming out about that, waiting for you to talk about it. It's a horror movie, but anyway I know that scares you.
Speaker 2:We're trying to get someone an AI expert on the podcast. We're just trying to coordinate schedules. So, anyway, it is setting boundaries for yourself. I like to call it setting, allowing your joy to help you to set boundaries Right. What is what is, what is enough? What are the things? For example, how can I reduce how much stuff that I that I have? How am I going to decide what is important, what's not important?
Speaker 1:that I have. How am I? Going to decide what is important, what's not important Spending a little time is called slowing down, to speed up.
Speaker 2:You spend a little time to do that, to create the plan, instead of thinking that your body and your energy is this never-ending? It's this constant source for you and it doesn't require rest, and we know that's not true?
Speaker 1:Or water, or water. I think that's why I'm tired.
Speaker 2:I'm feeling. Do you think it's water? I think that's what it is.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, You're really putting my business in the street. I really thought that. In fact, I got to tell you. You were the second person I asked today, that day Again it's either water or the alarm clock.
Speaker 1:I haven't had water. Maybe that's why I can't drive home without falling asleep. I told you I felt like I was drugged. Yes, you did, Because I packed all night and moved stuff. This was was this yesterday. This was yesterday. So I spent all weekend moving, went to work on Monday, put in my X amount of hours and wondered why I couldn't drive home because, I didn't have water.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean water could help, but water was just kind of extending, extending, extending the problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, extending the problem, anyway, denial.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's denial, I think, in general, to you know this, this self-sacrifice, the. You know, sleep is for suckers, the you know, I can. I can, I can make it happen, I can push, push.
Speaker 1:one more thing yeah.
Speaker 2:Everything is the priority. You know, we really, really, really have to change this. So I'm sorry for laughing at you, but I wanted to kind of arrest.
Speaker 1:It was kind of funny though.
Speaker 2:I wanted to kind of arrest like are you kidding me right now?
Speaker 1:Angie, you started laughing immediately. I had no idea what you were laughing at, only until you told me the ridiculousness of what I just said. In all seriousness. I was literally going to leave work and go to the store. Okay, in other words, never mind, I might not need that alarm clock.
Speaker 2:I hope you still keep me around, because I've been coming at you, because I don't want just the dregs of you to remain. I want you to go into what's next, full of fervor and clarity and expectation. That's true.
Speaker 1:Not with skid marks. You don't want me going in with skid marks.
Speaker 2:Not with the go on without me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, parched, joyful, rested state. Right now I don't feel that, but I know it's in my future.
Speaker 2:It is, it is and yeah. So you know, the work is just in the framing.
Speaker 1:It's there for me.
Speaker 2:Right. Things have to get done, but do they have to get done by you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, do they have to get done by the state. I'm not a good delegator, but yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, anyway, Well, thank you for pointing that out. I'll just say that, saving me $9.99. I won't get the clock. Let me just tell you, in our episode notes you're going to see the picture of the new clock in the bank, but now I'm going to just sneak in and get it. I won't tell you that I see it.
Speaker 2:When I come to visit, I'm like Leslie, exactly, you're like what is that on the table? This is new, I know it's new, and it's not in the guest room.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I tell you. Well, thanks, pal. Oh my gosh, you're welcome. This has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn, brooklyn.
