Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
This is what the world needs now: two free-thinking “seasoned” Black women speaking their truth and inspiring others to do the same. Shaped by 45 years of friendship that began at the prestigious Brooklyn Technical High School through the Ivy League, medical school, marriages, divorces, triumphs, parenting queer children, life-threatening illness and many many amazing adventures. Each week, besties Leslie Osei-Tutu and Angella Fraser will push against boundaries in love, culture, careers, faith, politics and out-dated assumptions about women of a certain age. Remember, you’re never too old to change your mind…or your hair! (but more on that later :-)All views are our own and do not reflect the views of our institution/company. Information provided is not intended to serve as medical advice.
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Trust your gifts: When a bold decision saved a life
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Being a physician is Leslie’s calling; a gifting.
In this episode, she recounts a whirlwind weekend trip where she visited a recovering friend, and was reminded of a time years ago when she saved a friend’s life through medical intervention and advocacy.
Angella and Leslie emphasize the importance of knowing your gifts and using them to help others.
The conversation highlights the critical need for medical self-advocacy, especially for Black patients
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Episode Introduction & Weekend Recap
Speaker 1Hey Ange , Hello Leslie , how are you doing ?
Speaker 2I'm good , I'm tired but I'm good .
Speaker 1You have every right to be tired .
Speaker 2You always say that you have every I need to buy an alarm clock . If you guys don't know the reference to alarm clock , you should . We will put a link somewhere . I need an alarm clock . But anyway , inside joke for those of you who are not subscribers , Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer . Besties from Brooklyn .
Speaker 1I'm Angela and that's Lesley , my best friend of almost almost 50 years . We're going to be saying 50 years soon . I think we're at 48 now , something like that I think . So go deep into conversations . We'd like to share them with you because at this point we are very clear that we bring a lot of insight , we bring a lot of laughter . We bring deep thinking to topics that typically stay on the surface , so we're going to get into it today . I've had a whirlwind weekend . She has Leslie , leslie .
Speaker 2Just thinking about it makes you tired .
Speaker 1Yeah , leslie is . Leslie has done some remarkable things , crazy things , in in her life and it's when you reflect on them that it's like wow you really , you really did that . Yeah , you really did that so we're going to be talking about some of what she's been up to , and then , um , that reminded us of something huge that happened a few years ago that you know . Her list is so it , it , it gets so full of my shenanigans on the bottom you forget what's on the bottom .
Speaker 1These are not shenanigans , these are big time shit . So you'll hear .
Speaker 2Anyway , go ahead , leslie , tell the people so I was minding my own business , just walking around minding my own business .
Speaker 1Own business .
Speaker 2Well , I went down to Florida after work on Friday to surprise my mom because it's her birthday .
Speaker 1Happy birthday mom .
Speaker 2So she's down in Florida with my sister and I have a house down there as you all know . So I went to check on the house , surprised my mom and we took her out to dinner on Saturday . So it was really nice , was really important for me to visit a really close friend of mine who just went through major surgery and she's a very important part of my life , and I said that I couldn't go down to Florida , even though I spoken to her over the telephone . I really needed to eyeball it and see for myself that she was going to be okay and just to give her a quick hug .
Speaker 2So I drove on Sunday from my home on the east coast of central Florida to her home in Tampa . It took about a two and a half hour drive . Home in Tampa it took about two and a half hour drive and then my plan was to leave out of Tampa and fly home because I had to work today . So I went and I checked on her and progress is coming along but she's not really out of the woods yet . But I'm glad to have seen her and prayed for her and caught my flight . I got home a little after midnight last night .
Speaker 1That's today .
Speaker 2Well , today , yeah . So , as I'm telling Ange the story , I say you know what this reminds me of , that time that I went and literally saved my girlfriend I'll call her Leigh Saved Leigh's life . And Ange is like what did you say ? You're like what are you talking about ? What ?
Speaker 1are you talking about ? I know you when did this happen ? But again , because there's so many things . Because the first thing that I reminded you of is when you witnessed a dog being hit by a car . Oh , and what did you do ?
Speaker 2Well , I didn't mind my own business that time .
Speaker 1It was a poo . She got hit by a car . Yeah , Leslie's a dog lover .
The Dog Rescue Story
Speaker 2Yes , I certainly am , and it was two doors away from two homes away from mine . So when I , you know , saw what was going on , this was a oh my gosh .
Speaker 1So I Hold . Hold a moment Now that you know what we're going to be talking about just stay just like that . We want to remind you to please like and subscribe . This is how we do it . We have candid conversations . They will just really edify and give you joy . Please hit like and subscribe and the notification bell so that you can know when we load more content Go .
Speaker 2Go .
Speaker 1Okay , so you're so silly .
Speaker 2So , anyway , so the dog got hit and the poor dog is yelling and yelping and did this and I'm like nobody is doing anything . By this time the police came , the car stopped and it was a little bit of a commotion , but the dog is on the ground , yelping and stuff , and I'm like , well , I have a dog , I had a dog at that time and I'm like , all right , first thing , I'm going to get this dog to the ER . I'm going to take it to the ER that I take my dog to maybe a 15 minute drive from the house . All right , how are we going to get this yelping , screaming dog into the car ?
Speaker 2And oh , just thinking about it was so I run in my house and get my dog's muzzle and I tell the 10-year-old kid who owns the dog put the muzzle on the dog , because he's gnashing at this point and he's like I'm too scared I'm too scared . I'm like what do you mean ? You just get your dog .
Speaker 2But anyway so I get the muzzle on and the police help me to get the dog into the . I had the Q5 at the time so it had the you know the SUV with the back , so I took the opening off the top and I put the dog in the back . So meanwhile I'm driving and the au pair of the dog of the you know the homeowner the family , thank you , was in the car with me . So I drive to the .
Speaker 2Oh my God , it was horrible because the dog was injured and I don't want the dog to be any more hurt than he is . I don't know the extent of his injuries and he's yelping and he's gnashing around . It's like , ah , and now the au pair and I .
Speaker 1This is when I would have fainted . I just would have fainted .
Speaker 2We're driving , we're stressed , I'm probably going through red lights and so obviously there's nobody in the back seat . So there's one seat . We're one seat removed from the dog and the dog keeps like it looks like he's about to come over the thing and we're both like if he comes over , we're pulling over and running out the car . You know , I don't . I think he got out of the muzzle by this point .
Speaker 1Oh my .
Speaker 2God we hurry up and get the dog to the , to the , to the emergency vet . In fact I called up and said I'm bringing in a dog , told them what was going on , they're like , come right in . But unfortunately the dog was almost mortally injured . He broke his back and stuff .
Speaker 1So they put him down and all .
Speaker 2And the owner . So it was funny because I remember I must have been coming from work because I was wearing scrubs . So when the owner came in , you know , he saw me and he thought I was one of the staff , he thought I was a vet . And I'm like no , no , no , no , those are the experts over there and he and I became friends ever since .
Speaker 1Wow , yeah , so that was a nice story . So that was just one , but that wasn't the main story .
Speaker 2Oh Lord . So a couple of years ago I used to . I think we were in our early 20s . We used to work together , me and Lee , so we stayed close and friends over the years . Our families , our kids grew up together and all of those things right . So now Lee has become had become very ill . This is a couple of years ago . She has lupus and I'm familiar with the disease . So she ,
Saving Lee's Life
Speaker 2she , she developed problems with her kidneys and this was really the start of her going into kidney failure . So she was at a local , one of the local community hospitals in Brooklyn , probably for a couple weeks in the hospital with worsening kidney function and I'm on the phone with her every day or every other day .
Speaker 2How's it going ? What's going on ? What medicines are you on and all of this stuff ? And poor Lee was getting sicker and sicker and sicker In the hospital .
Speaker 2In the hospital and I'm like , well , I mean , she was breathless at the time and this , and I understand the pathology of renal failure , but I'm like , do they have you on this ? Are you doing this ? And you know , her family is at bedside and this , and I'm like this lady in her fifties or whatever it's like , I don't like what's going on . So I went to visit her and she just looked awful and I said to her you know what ? You can't stay in this hospital . And I think her sister and brother were there at the time or whatever . And they're like , well , she's in the hospital , they're treating or whatever . I said you know , I'm going to come back tomorrow . If there's no improvement by tomorrow , tomorrow you're getting out of this hospital . Uh , okay , you know , but meanwhile she's really decompensating . So I left jersey and went back to brooklyn to see her the next day and she was no better and I I said you know what ? My friend is going to die if she stays here . You said that to the doctor .
Speaker 2Myself and I said to her you need to get out of here . At that time her family was saying like I don't think you should . I said now , mind you , you guys , if you subscribe and you know our podcast , you also know that I have a son who was in renal failure , got a kidney transplant and all of this . So , as I said , I know what kidney failure and treatment looks like .
Speaker 1But these people just know you as Lee's friend . They're not really thinking of you , as they only know me . They know I'm a doctor , right right .
Speaker 2Right , they know I'm a doctor , but they also know me as Leslie the secretary . At 20 years old you know the pal and hang out buddy or whatever you know , they don't know me in a clinical way .
Speaker 2I am going to sign you out and take you to NYU where my son had gotten treatment . I called up his nephrologist and told him what was going on and he said to bring her over . So now I had to convince Lee and her family that this was the best plan . I said we have to go , you are not going to make it . And I'm going to say she wouldn't have had days I'm going to say I mean , she was really in that .
Speaker 1And nobody was doing anything .
Speaker 2I was there and I'm speaking to physicians and I'm like , well , what's the plan ? What are you going to do about this ? What are you going to do about this ? And nobody would give me a straight answer .
Speaker 1What , in your estimation ? Why were they so lackadaisical about this ? I'm going to be honest . I'm going to be honest , of course .
Speaker 2I think that they saw this Black woman in into kidney failure . That's just the natural progression of illness and if and when she dies , that's what happens to people like that . Wow , I don't see any other explanation . Nobody else could tell me why they weren't bending over backwards to save the life of this woman with two children and this and that , and nobody thought it was urgent other than continue to plan , continue , the same plan continue the same plan .
Speaker 2I said to her Lee , I'm taking you out of here . I went up to the nurse's station and I said she is leaving now . Print up her medical records , get me a wheelchair . And were you wearing your cape at ?
Speaker 1the time I think .
Speaker 2I think at this point , I mean I'm wearing jeans and whatever coming in , you know Right right . And I think and they're like , okay , like . So I waited in the room and time is going and I'm like and I go out where's the medical records ? We got to get a doctor and make sure she's . So when it was presented to Lee that she had to sign out against medical advice , of course this became even more scary and I said you can be no worse getting in my car , and I even bought a monitor with me and an oxygen tank with me .
Speaker 2Thank God we didn't need to use it , but I finally got the medical records . I wheeled her downstairs , she laid in the back seat of my SUV Wow and we drove the 45 minutes from Brooklyn into midtown Manhattan and at the time I called up the ER and told them I'm bringing this patient , she's such and such , such and such . And they saved her life her life First of all . She is now with a new kidney . You saved her life .
Speaker 1You saved her life .
Speaker 2I'm telling you , my friend , would not be here today if I didn't leave work .
Speaker 1What gave you the nerve ? What gave you the nerve ? You know what ?
Speaker 2it is a couple of things . The simplest , most honest thing is that I was afraid that my friend was gonna die wow I saw it , there was no sense of urgency among the medical staff . I didn't have an explanation for it and I said , if she's going to die , at least let somebody do the most that they can do to try to save her . And I didn't see that happening .
Speaker 1I see .
Speaker 2It's unfortunate that I had to work so hard to convince her and her family that this was the right move .
Speaker 1We depend on doctors .
Speaker 2I was just going to say we go there for help . We go in there open and say we need help , save my life please . And we put our trust in them .
Speaker 1Yeah , wow .
Speaker 2And I'm not going to say that they couldn't . Perhaps they didn't have the ability
Medical Advocacy & Hospital Transfer
Speaker 2or the resources or whatever , but they didn't say that and they kept going through day by day , going through the motions . And if one hospital 45 minutes away could have saved her , why couldn't this one ?
Speaker 1Exactly , exactly .
Speaker 2Exactly . I have to think that it had something to do with them not caring that much that it wasn't that urgent a situation to lose a patient who's critically ill in ?
Speaker 1renal failure , a patient like that , because , as you said , that is how that happens .
Speaker 2that's the progression of this regular day , this is how it happens and we've seen this before . Yeah , wow , and to this day the family says you saved her life because you did this day because you did so To this day . Because you did so , she got into the ER . Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1Yeah , I , you know , I want all the . I want it all . I'm watching the movie at this point .
Speaker 2And then at that point you know they did the triage , they assessed her and stuff . I know that they . I remember going up to the intensive care unit with her and this and that , and she was in there for a couple of weeks . She was on dialysis for a number of years before she finally got a transplant , and me Omari had gotten a transplant , I guess a year and a half or so before her , so I was able to tell her what to expect .
Speaker 1The process yes , we talked about how her dialysis was going and this and that and this lady , lee man .
Speaker 2She lived , dialysis or no , she lived every day like it was her last day she's into partying .
Speaker 1She was always a very lively , active person and her family was always very involved so she didn't let any grass grow under her feet . I'm telling you Wow , oh , my gosh , goosebumps , yeah , goosebumps , isn't that something ? So , in this new hospital , how long did it take for her not to recover but just for things to change Like within ?
Speaker 2how much time , oh probably a day or two . I mean it wasn't long . I mean I saw results right away .
Speaker 1Oh my , and she had been in the other one for weeks .
Speaker 2Oh probably two weeks . Yes .
Speaker 1No .
Speaker 2Languishing , in my opinion , getting worse . Because when I first went to visit her , you know she didn't look good and weak and this and that . And then the second time I was there , I'm like oh no , no , what are you doing here ? Somebody ? Needs to say uncle I give up , discharge this patient you know , I'm just .
Speaker 1You know , this is not a 90-year-old woman we're talking about . Yes , yeah , yeah , yeah , you know , yeah , yeah , wow , les .
Speaker 2Oh my gosh , Unbelievable . And I recognize I'm like no .
Speaker 1No , yeah , there's a different way .
Speaker 2Right , because you saw her humanity . We gotta try something . Yeah , yeah , right right .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh , I can't , I can't imagine .
Speaker 2I gotta reach out and see how she's doing , but last time I spoke to her she's doing just great . She was living a good life . She is still living her good life . Living la vida loca . I live la vida loca .
Speaker 1Well , we're happy for her . We are Very happy for her , Thank you .
Speaker 2Now I'm not saying I drove my three hours over to Tampa so I could do anything . Now , I'm not saying I drove my three hours over to Tampa so I could do anything , although if I saw something awry I was going to say , hey , maybe we need to go .
Speaker 1You know , I'm just giving an opinion . Yeah , yeah , yeah , I got to be .
Speaker 2Listen , this is something that you say all the time , Ange . Listen , this is something that you say all the time , Ange . When we are gifted with certain abilities , one we can't take it for granted , that's one thing , but the other thing is
Obligation of Using Your Gifts
Speaker 2it is our obligation to use those gifts in the best way we can .
Speaker 1It's an obligation , because not ?
Speaker 2everybody has that ability , an obligation , because not everybody has that ability . And I'm blessed to be able to recognize and have an effect on certain things .
Speaker 1I can't do everything but the things that I can do . I need to .
Speaker 2Because just think , just think and I never went there , but just think . If I didn't say , oh well , if that's the way , it is sorry , you know . Oh , and mourn with the family and all of this , what would I be thinking ? Did I do the best that I could do .
Speaker 1That's right .
Speaker 2I should have spoken up , and I was too afraid to speak up . Yeah , you know .
Speaker 1It became your responsibility because you had the skifting .
Speaker 2It was my responsibility because I knew better than the nonsense that was going on . That was nonsense and malarkey .
Speaker 1Foolishness , foolishness , foolishness , wow , crazy .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Listen , I'm going to just add some exclamation points to this , to what you said about your gifting . First of all , if you don't know what you're gifted in , that's where the problem starts it's true if you don't know where your gift , what your gifts are ? Problem , listen , reach out to me , I will help you . I will help you because it's important , because when you know what they are , then what leslie said you know that it is your responsibility to show up . That's why you're there .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's not happenstance .
Speaker 1It's not happenstance , it's not .
Speaker 2I even go back and say 40 years ago , when we first met . Yeah , about 40 years ago . Who knows why I sat next to her working every day 40 years ago . Right Right , you know the God I serve puts things in place and knows , way before we're even born , how things are going to play out .
Speaker 1Alpha and the omega .
Speaker 2yes , so I could have worked next to her at the physical therapy place , only to save her life 40 years later Maybe she had a job that has not been finished on this earth , yeah , yeah . And he used me as a conduit .
Speaker 1We don't know , Yep , we don't know , and he'll use you . That's what gifts are for . They're not for you . Yeah , I mean you get to have them , but I'm just saying they're there in service of others .
Speaker 2And speaking of gifts and service , look at the cup that I'm using my kidney donut cup .
Speaker 1Oh , very nice .
Speaker 2So you guys also know I donated my kidney and my recipient is doing just great Awesome and it was another thing that I could do . Yeah , I didn't know you know who knew but I stepped up , I shared my spare and now somebody else is living a good life . This think he's about 50-year-old man Good and happy life . Living his happy life , no dialysis , and he's taking good care of my
The Kidney Donation Journey
Speaker 2old kidney and you are taking care of yourself . And I'm doing the best I can .
Speaker 1One-dega-dega kidney is kicking it , it is .
Speaker 2It's kicking it . Wow , awesome , leslie . I just thought of that .
Speaker 1Really , it's a beautiful thing . It is , it's a beautiful thing .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1It's important to share this with folks so they understand that number one you talk about this all the time .
Speaker 2That's number three why I need to get to bed right now . Number one Right now , right now , about your gifting .
Speaker 1And number two , about how you have to advocate for yourself . Right , there has to , just because these doctors know what the doctors know . If you see that you're not getting better , whatever Do , you know what I mean ? It's not this is your lot in life . Yeah , that's serious . Yeah , like see what it is that you need not getting better , whatever Do you know what I mean .
Speaker 2It's not this is your lot in life . Yeah , that's serious . Yeah , Like see what it is that you need to do . It doesn't mean it's your time to go .
Speaker 1Yeah , you got to try everything .
Speaker 2Yeah , oh my gosh .
Speaker 1And when you don't know what everything means and when you see a loved one who's very sick .
Speaker 2You don't know that there are options or you know that there are other things that it could be . This could be like time to say goodbye , yeah , but guess what I knew ?
Speaker 1yes , I knew yes , you did yes you did well . Thank you for showing up . I'm sure that um you know she is um praying for you every day
The Importance of Self-Advocacy
Speaker 1because you , her life would have been stuffed out now anyway , I know why did this have to be so heavy ?
Speaker 2because sometimes it is , sometimes it just is you know me and my life of rainbows and unicorns . I like light . I want to keep it light , yeah , but life has all of it .
Speaker 1Yeah , I don't want me in my life of rainbows and unicorns . I like light . I don't want to keep it light .
Speaker 2Yeah , but life has all of it .
Speaker 1Yeah Right , it's not just those parts , it has these parts too . Anyway , all right , folks , that's it for this episode . Thank you for listening . Thank you for listening .
Speaker 2So this has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn , brooklyn .