Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Ep146 Joy Over Fear: What Scares Us Most About Leaving
The Besties explore their fears about moving to Panama while choosing to let joy shine through instead of letting fear take control. This candid conversation reveals their concerns about relocating abroad and how they're working through them to embrace this life-changing adventure.
Chapter Markers:
0:00 Reconnecting and Introduction
2:39 Fears About Language Barriers
15:20 Missing Family and Leaving Children
20:05 Career Identity and Financial Concerns
29:14 Death Planning and Residency Status
35:14 Living Together in Close Quarters
46:25 Privilege of Options and Final Thoughts
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Hey Ange, hey Les, how are you doing today Look?
Speaker 1:at you. First of all, we haven't recorded in quite some time, so here we are and look, you decided to dress like me, listen you know, hold on.
Speaker 2:Is that what you were to work? Because I've had this on all day. I've had this on since 20 to. I've had this on since, so this has nothing to do 20 to 7 am 640.
Speaker 1:So you noted that time because you wanted it to be clear that I was biting, that you were biting, and you know, when I get to work I take my clothes off and put on scrubs. So yeah, probably fresher than yours.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1:Anything will be up, it's okay. So listen, listen, listen, listen.
Speaker 2:My eyes are starting to Tear because you're so happy to see me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, Okay that's why Ange yes, in addition to Ange, what is it that I call you like as a nickname?
Speaker 2:I noticed it recently and I really like it. Like, what do I call you?
Speaker 1:as a term of endearment. You say hey, pally, pally, that's it Pally. I like that You're my Pally.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, I like it too. You got me crying now, but I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's okay, I'm here for you. I appreciate that so guys, welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn. Listen, we did this little chit chat because this is how we do. She's confronting me again. We chit chat, okay, she's you see what she?
Speaker 2:okay, hi, I'm Angela and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 40 years. It's 50 years. See, I even forgot the intro. I'm going to start over.
Speaker 2:Hi, I'm Angela and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free-thinking 60-something-year-old Black women who have decided to be more bold and joyful in our lives for the rest of our lives, and we invite you to join us on our journey and also to get on your journey. So we're going to be talking about I think this is the last of our series on joy over fear and things that you know, the fears that kind of can interrupt or defer or just kind of kibosh our joy, and how we have made decisions and are making decisions to let joy shine through. And this one this week is going to be about our fears about moving abroad. We're going, so we are getting over the fear and doing it anyway, but we did want to talk about some of the things that we were still really, really concerned about when we were just talking about joy over fear and deciding to talk a little bit more in depth about our planned move out of the country to Panama.
Speaker 1:I don't want it to seem, and it almost, I think in retrospect we kind of presented it like okay, we're ready, this is going to be cake, this is going to be good, we have all our ducks lined up and all all because there's quite a few people that are really considering leaving the country for various reasons and we don't want it. We don't want to give the false impression that it's a cakewalk. It's like this is this analogy I use all the time. It's like this is not easy. I only make it look easy, you know. So I really think it's a good idea to really present some of the not just the inner speech that we've had with ourselves, but the things that we've talked about to each other, about some of the hesitations or concerns that we have and I have a few.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a few too, and these are actual fears. Right, and again, I'm going to keep repeating this that we don't think a life without fear is really true. We don't really believe that you can be fearless, or we don't. I don't even know what that means really. I think what that means, with what people are trying to say when they say be fearless or those types of things, is that you, you can move through your fear. But we want to just kind of highlight that fear is not something to avoid. If you are not doing something because you're fearful, that's eh. The thing is, you're going to feel the fear, but how do you move through it to get to the place of joy? And so it is important for us to talk about the fears, because, although we're moving forward with this pretty bold decision, we still have fears that we have to put in their place and move through them. So we're just going to be really honest about them, and they're important and sometimes they are gripping.
Speaker 1:I was just going to say something like that.
Speaker 2:They come up in prayer quite a bit where I ask God for peace about it. But yeah, so do you want to start, or do you want me to start the?
Speaker 1:only other thing in general I want to say about fear is not that we're suggesting or it's a good idea to ignore fears, because fear is there for a reason. It almost asks us to raise our spidey senses about something and perhaps give it more even if it starts as a stirring, to give it a little bit more consideration. So we're not saying that we want to totally eradicate fear. We want to be in tune to it, pay attention to it and then move through it.
Speaker 2:So I'll start.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I was thinking about more clearly and would make me a little nervous about being in Panama, is that I don't speak the language fluently, and I was recently reminded of how alienated I could feel in another language when I attended, via Zoom, the homegoing service of a loved one there, and the service was in Spanish.
Speaker 2:Without subtitles. Without subtitles.
Speaker 1:Without subtitles. So, in addition to being in the emotion of the moment, I was also straining to understand the words you know that the leader was saying and I just it made me think of a few things. One, how uncomfortable I felt because I couldn't be fully present. But I've often thought about, and I think in terms of my work I work. One of the hospitals I work in has a predominant Latino and Latina population and I would say more way more, actually, than half of them do not speak any or much English. So I've had to step up my game in terms of speaking Spanish.
Speaker 1:A lot of it medical terminology, but not always. And I often say how uncomfortable it must be being in a medical situation where you can be so otherwise vulnerable for other reasons, and then not learning, not knowing the Spanish, the English language, and so often you're embarrassed. The patients are a little bit embarrassed or, you know, they'll more often nod their head when perhaps they don't have a full understanding of it and they just accept it. So I put myself in that position. I think I really need to step up my game in increasing my fluency in Spanish. The other thing that that brings up a couple of things.
Speaker 2:Well, I want to say something about that before you move on. So I was watching something on social media the other day and it was maybe it was a trailer to a movie, I don't remember, but it was this woman from Brazil, so Portuguese is her first language and she's learning English and you know a part of language. Are these idioms which have this meaning? They don't. They don't really make sense Literally. For example, what's what's a good idiom? What's a good example of an idiom?
Speaker 1:Put all your eggs in one basket. What's a good example of an?
Speaker 2:idiom Put all your eggs in one basket. Put all your eggs in one basket, perfect, right, so things like that. So she said something and it caused her friend, who's an English speaker, to laugh. You know, because it was funny. And the non-native English speaker said and the non-native English speaker said you know where I come from? In my native language I'm brilliant, I'm a poet, I have a command of the language. It's a part of who I am. I speak beautifully and here I am, and I know it's not your intention, but you're laughing at me. I speak beautifully and here I am. Wow, and I know it's not your intention, but you're laughing at me. It's like I've lost a piece of myself. Oh, my.
Speaker 2:She said Wow, and so it really struck me as a because we do that here, intentionally or not, intentionally or not, we put some sense of intelligence around how fluently people speak.
Speaker 1:English, and not just intelligence, but superiority.
Speaker 2:Superiority. It speaks in terms of class.
Speaker 1:Yes, Obviously. I see it in the way medical care is delivered.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right, yeah. So I was thinking about that kind of adding that onto it, and you actually talked about what we can do to work around this, and it is to learn the language, to learn the language.
Speaker 2:To learn the language and what my experience in Mexico in the nineties? I lived there for about four months and I got fluent, and I know my own experience has taught me that being immersed. So you, you do your own work right To to, to learn the language, because I had a Spanish teacher there and my work colleagues would only speak to me in Spanish, so I was forced to do the hardest part, which is speaking it versus just understanding it or being able to read it and I was forced to speak it and I got fluent, because when you know a part of why you don't want to speak, oh, I don't want to make a mistake.
Speaker 2:When you get on a bus and you want to get to where you're getting to and you have to say the word, however flawed it is, you're going to say the word as best you can. And they're going to correct you or they're going to ask you, and then it's locked.
Speaker 1:Or laugh at you.
Speaker 2:All the things right. So I'm hopeful that being immersed in the language and I do not want to kind of fall on the the gadgets that we use and you know, and expect them to, um, to learn my language. You know, I'm grateful if they meet me a part of the way, but this idea of so, it is really scary it is really scary to be in a place where you don't know, where you don't know the language.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think I speak enough that I can be safe. Yeah, you're really get around. Yeah, but're really good. You know how alpha and dominant I can be, or try to be right, really, really. My partner's first language is Spanish and I often see people here where one of the two partners speak English fluently and they have to depend on that person to navigate the medical care. So even in the interview, well, we give them the option of using an official translator, but if they opt not to and ask to use a family member, sometimes they use a child.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I would not feel comfortable depending on my partner.
Speaker 2:Leslie, you better let go. She don't care about that, but what?
Speaker 1:are the skull and crossbones. What does that mean? Oh, it's okay, it's okay, just just take it. Yeah sure you know having to defend the things that I think about.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you I it's not the first time I've been in this situation because my former spouse, he too, english was not his first language. So I was very often in the room with my in-laws and I was also asking what are they saying? I learned a little bit but I was like what are they saying? You know, what did they say? You know, again, quite a vulnerable position to be in, if you know. If that you know, it wasn't. They were friendly and stuff, and most times when I was around they spoke English, but there were times where they were kind of into it. So, yeah, that part of it, you know, going there and depending on my partner initially before I became fluid, right, it makes me a little nervous.
Speaker 2:Okay, you're a little nervous, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, what else? Well, I started, you can go because I have more.
Speaker 2:Oh, I have fears. So one of the fears I have is my children. They're adults. They're 22, 28, and 30. I have fears about how much I'm going to miss them and although I have no idea at this point whether I'm going to see them less or more frequently when I move, because one of the reasons for why Panama is such a good option is because it's not that far away from the U S right Um, but one of my um, two of my children are on the West coast Um, so it's that it's missing them and the other part of it is leaving them. It's leaving them here when there's so much uncertainty here and like.
Speaker 2:I'm going to run back and if I were here I would put on a cape and go save them. You know whatever. So I know that that's going to be a really big adjustment. Just the idea of being in a different country where they may not have access to me and I may not have access to them, that creates a lot of kind of lump in the throat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, lump in the throat for me, I understand that access to them that creates a lot of kind of lump in the throat. Yeah, yeah, lump in the throat for me. I understand that. Yeah, I've thought about that for a while, because you know we are the only ones leaving, right.
Speaker 1:You know, and we're leaving the family here, right right. I wasn't that concerned about that per se because I see the world as getting so much smaller. Yeah, right right. And be more connected. That's true, you know. In that way, you probably, you know, will be as far away from your firstborn here than you would be if you were. You know, if you stayed here. In terms of your distance away from the two on the West Coast, yeah, you know, in terms of so it's kind of easy to move around the world, especially this part of the world. So far, there's not that much difficulty in that.
Speaker 2:And sometimes fear is not logical. That's the other thing.
Speaker 1:Oh shoot, Let me tell you about my experience. I don't care what you're telling me about that.
Speaker 2:You are absolutely right.
Speaker 1:I don't care, I'm so worried, I get it, I get it. You should have seen me in Tortugera in Costa Rica with the bugs.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you had that experience, Liz. Every time I think about it, laughter comes up. But it's not laughing at you, it is just the idea of I think I would just pass, I think I would faint.
Speaker 1:I was never. I think that was the most scared I was ever in my life.
Speaker 2:Wow, even growing up in Brooklyn, really.
Speaker 1:And the thing that made it worse was that I couldn't pass out because I knew if I stayed there, you know, then they would be on me, you know. But the other thing is that he didn't realize at the time that I was really serious and how much of a fear of bugs that I had. They were huge, they were you know like much of a fear of bugs that I had. They were huge, they were you know like, and they were Plentiful. Yeah, I'm not even going to say I told you that the next morning, when they were all dead, the pile was up above your knees. The piles of them, I can't I can't.
Speaker 2:I guess you experience it once, right, it was like biblical lotus, locusts, lotus.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't mind lotus, flowers, locusts, but anyway. So what was my point about that? Did I bring up the most fearful time I've ever experienced?
Speaker 2:It's created like a break in the synapse.
Speaker 1:But I have another one. Is it my turn or your turn? It's your turn. But go Two things. I'm thinking of One thing when I leave, I will be leaving my work. Thinking of One thing when I leave, I will be leaving my work. And those of you who know me know how much I enjoy my work. So I'm not necessarily calling it a retirement because that sounds so final. I do not plan to practice medicine in Panama, right, you can't anyway. But so much of who I am, what I enjoy, my identity is, as of here, my stature in the community, the way people see me. I am this healer, I am this physician. I do plan to go there and not be that, right, you know, I kind of want to blend in a little bit more and be Joe Schmoe, but that's different for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1:You know that's going to be very different for me. Yeah, you know my type A personality. I wonder if I'm really able to relax and not have an agenda or be in the OR at 7 am or this or that. You know, I'm nervous about that. I'm trying to like wind down and, just you know, be a little bit more introspective in that regard. You know, right, right. So that's a fear and a big concern that I have.
Speaker 2:Of course. And then when I?
Speaker 1:leave the workforce. If I decide to come back, how easy would it be for me to slide back into it in terms of my skill sets or how long I'm away or the changes that might happen? You know I remain a Black woman, physician, you know, and we don't have it easy in general. So leaving and coming back, I might have a little bit more resistance to just that flow back into the workforce if that's what I choose to do.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get that. And it made me think about some fears that come up around money and because when you mentioned that to me before, you were like, well, what if? Because I'm like, well, you're retired, so why are you thinking about coming back and working? And you're like, well, what if I want to get this, or what if I want to get that, and I want to just work a little bit to get that, and so on. And so two things One is you're retired. Number one You're retired, number one. Number two it is the.
Speaker 2:I was thinking about this person in the Exodus Summit community that I'm a part of. She mentioned that she has enough, enough money squared away for retirement and she had some fears around you know, the what ifs right, the I may need more, and what if I get sick, and all of those things. And I was wondering why those particular things are not really big fears for me, and I think it's because and I know we're not talking about what's not a fear, but I know that that type of thing is a real point of fear, for other people live without this stuff, like 99% of the people live without these things, and I see people living good lives without all of these things that we think we need to have in place here. And I know it's not like well, just so, just forget about it. I'm not suggesting that, but I was just kind of wow, I.
Speaker 2:It's one thing to to think about those things and to try to have those in place, and it's another thing to really fear them. I think that's the distinction that I want to make is being mindful of them versus fearing them. And so that came to mind when you were talking about, well, if I need to come back to earn more money or whatever, and it's like, girl, you got enough money, what are you talking about? You just, you just want to have the thing and the money. Well, that's just it.
Speaker 1:I think once we I get used to living with less requiring less, right we I you know he and I have talked about what are we going to do with our vehicles? Yeah, we are not bringing five cars to Panama, right? You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean or however many cars we have. Yeah, so we will have one, or maybe we will have two. You know one for each of us, but not more than that. You know, right, right, and not likely the cars that we own currently. Right, you know what I mean. But in order to be comfortable with a narrower life, let's just I'll call it narrow. Yeah, not that it's not in a judgy way, but just less stuff, less complicated. You have to get from where you are right now to that.
Speaker 2:Yes, you do, and it's that transitional period that might be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:So it's the anticipation of being uncomfortable. For example, when I was in Ghana a few times, they don't have electricity all the time. You know they actually rent or sell some of their electricity for income. You know they sell it to other regions. So I remember being like it is known that Wednesdays at 6 pm you have no electricity until the next morning. You plan for it, but of course the first Wednesday I was there with no electricity. It was a little uncomfortable. It's like, okay, what are we going to do now? Oh, my goodness, it's going to get hot.
Speaker 2:It's going to get hot. How many times did you turn on and turn off the light switch?
Speaker 1:You know it's that kind of thing. I remember when, when we had Hurricane Sandy here, you know my spouse at the time was so used to into television and stuff. There is no power anywhere on the East Coast. Wow, he never let go of the remote.
Speaker 2:Just in case he never let go of the remote.
Speaker 1:Just in case you know. So we become creatures of habit and we wonder, and then it becomes difficult to separate the needs from the wants. Yes, you know so that's what I'm talking about. I know I can live with less and be comfortable and this and you know slide into that, but it's going to get a little itchy. Yeah, you know, initially.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I get that I get that. Well, another thing that is on my list of fears, and kind of fears and figuring out, is around death and dying Right, it's not like I have so much information about it here. Are you sick?
Speaker 1:Are you trying to tell me something? I'm not sick. Are you going there to like live your life?
Speaker 2:I'm feeling very well. I'm feeling great Good We'll talk about. Maybe on the next episode we'll talk about this fasting lifestyle that I'm trying to adopt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, about this fasting lifestyle that I'm trying to adopt. Yeah, and then I'll talk about my new way of moving my body.
Speaker 2:Okay, ooh, podcast episode. So just the process, what you know it's like. Where do I begin Right? Death is, death is, death is, is is an absolute.
Speaker 1:So it can't be avoided. We don't leave this world without it.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking about things like how do I put things in place? What legal things do I have to have in place so that my children have access to my remains, for example, right or even and this is a part about being an immigrant where do you want to, where do you want your remains to go when you die? Like I, I wouldn't necessarily want them to go back to Jamaica. I, you know, I feel like I've just been away from it, from there for so long and do I want my remains to be at a place that my children can go and visit? And those types of things just spin and spin and spin in my head and I have to land somewhere.
Speaker 2:But that is kind of one of the fears I have about how that gets figured out. And oftentimes, when we have fears about something, we don't deal with it, and that's how we deal with it by not dealing with it. But I don't want that. I want to have some plans in place so that I can make it easy for them. And yeah.
Speaker 1:I was just thinking about that, them. And yeah, I was just thinking about that. When you said fear, I was saying like you know how your anxiety around finances? You got a money coach, right, and I'm like hey, maybe you can get a death coach. And then it's like wait a minute, we know a death doula.
Speaker 2:Yes, we're going to put a link to that. We know a death doula.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know they will be helpful to put in some of the legwork and paperwork, as though you were not leaving. You know. You know how I've always talked about, you know, having link to our discussion with Carl Chen, about putting those papers and things in place for your final wishes and things be like something as an appendix, you know to. Yeah, well, when I'm in this country, this is what we do.
Speaker 2:To get back to the main document, Maybe, maybe, yeah, so got to figure that out again. We're, we're, we're moving through the fear and getting to the joy side. But you know, we we got to face, we got to face the fear, so that was a really big one for me. So I was just there a few weeks ago and hmm, and you got your permanent residency.
Speaker 2:I got my permanent residency, Whoop, whoop. And I have to say that and this isn't a fear thing, it's actually the opposite. It just feels so right. It makes the what do I have to do to figure these fear things out so I can live that way? It makes it more oh, that's so exciting. You know it makes it more pressing, more. Okay, you're going to do this. You got to figure that stuff out because it's just drawing me so strongly and yeah, it's a little torturous for me, and I mean right now.
Speaker 1:we live hundreds of miles apart, so we don't see each other. But when you're out of the country, it feels like you're in the Far East, like you know what I mean. It's so it's like I can't wait till she gets back. It's like wait a minute when she gets back. It's not like I'm going to see her.
Speaker 1:You're not going to come ring my bell, right, but it's like it just feels so weird to me, so you being out of the country before I get out of the country, it's just. That's a little bit of a fear that I have that we won't be able to see each other, even though we don't see each other that often, but as often as we do.
Speaker 2:Right, you're right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:We'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:Here's another concern I have, what I'm trying to think of a way how to describe it. So I'm moving out there with my partner.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, am I and we've decided you and I have decided that we're going to live close to each other, because why move out together if we're going?
Speaker 1:to be on other parts of the country, so I'm sure you won't be in Boquete while I'm in the city Panama City or whatever. We'll be within smelling distance of each other, but I want to know when you're cooking bacon. That's why you go. But but it's really just going to be me and him, you know together, and this type of one-on-one long-term togetherness, like I've always said, it's easy, I can share. I can comfortably share a space with a partner. If we have a large home, right, so I like my alone time. We have a large home Right, so I like my alone time, and he does too, right? So I'm anticipating not having a very big frilly home. I want something a little compact and cozy or whatever. So that much time shoulder to shoulder and together, it makes me nervous.
Speaker 1:You know, because it's not like I can call Eb and say hey let's hang out, or you know my other pals, and it's like let's go out for a drink, I'll meet you in the city, or this or that you know, because not enough of us are going to be there at the time. And I know I'll make friends, yes, but you know, being there just the two of us, it's like sink or swim, make or break.
Speaker 2:You know it's like. This is the test, you know? Yeah, you know I'm nervous about that.
Speaker 1:So how are you going to plan?
Speaker 2:for that, Right? Well, that's something I'm thinking about too. So how are you going to plan for you needing space?
Speaker 1:So so one, I'm going to learn Spanish so that when I hear him on the phone saying Este mujer necesita llevar, I'll know I'll do it like this. Oh, my goodness oh my god, you know, but you know, I don't, I wanted to are you gonna? Translate it. This woman has to go. Oh, I thought you didn't know. I know what it meant. This woman needs to leave.
Speaker 2:Yes, needs to leave right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But the good thing about our relationship, which is different from my previous one, is that we really communicate well. Yeah yeah, and I think that's going to be the key. You know honesty and stuff and you know human beings. We need our alone time and we need our peace. So, you know, I really need to maintain as much independence when I'm there as possible and, again, learning the language is going to be a key to that.
Speaker 2:Right right, I was watching gosh. I wish I remembered this couple's name, but I've been kind of. For years now. I've seen programs with them on it. I'd say they're still pretty young, probably in their late 30s black couple and they were talking about. You know the fact that you know you choose to be together for the rest of your life. That's one thing, but the other side of that is choosing that you'll never be alone and the idea that, wow, I will never, never have opportunities to not be together. Looking at that from a, there's sometimes that I don't want to be with anyone. I don't want to be together. I want to do things on my own.
Speaker 1:I want to have you know my own space.
Speaker 2:As you said, my partner and I are both creative so it's like you know we need space to to do that stuff and I was just kind of thinking that, yeah, you can get, you can get a home that can accommodate that and maybe I like to make things. So I was like I wonder if there are any maker communities there or in any areas in the city where I could become a hours, you know, once a week, three times a month, where I go and just be in community with other people doing things like that and not feeling like, you know, it's only this one person that has to Right.
Speaker 1:Right, it's just the two of us, and yeah, yeah, because. I'll be kind and say he will get tired of me, oh he will get tired of me.
Speaker 1:You're no day at the beach you know, I was at work today and I was just complaining and I'm like I was trying to get a new ultrasound machine, because the ultrasound machine that I use is just awful and old. And the administrator said to me well, nobody else complains, you know, wow. And I'm thinking to myself of course they don't. First of all, they're dudes and they don't give much a shit, I said, but the other thing, it's like I'm always the one to the squeaky wheel. I'm always the one to enact change, to get something, to say you know, enough is enough. Can we stop doing it this way and take the scotch tape off and buy a new wire or whatever? You know, for example, I'm always the one. So they say, well, nobody else complains? Of course not. I hate that response. And then I was saying um, les, you are always complaining. It's like I told you, and I said this in a previous podcast. Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself complain.
Speaker 1:It's like you again, stop it, stop it. But you know, I just I just like things a certain way. And I think there's a right way and a wrong way. And why take shortcuts? And you know it's like when again.
Speaker 2:I'm laughing.
Speaker 1:I don't know what you're gonna say I um, while I was moving out of my former home you know, after I separated I kept going in our closet to get things and every time I went in the closet for nine months I flicked on the light and the bulb was out and I would have to use my phone if it was dark out and you know I would have my phone in the closet and I'm like, but you know it was a chandelier in the closet and I'm like why? But it was a chandelier in the dressing room that I installed, so it wasn't the regular bulb, it was the three little candelabra rolls.
Speaker 1:So what right they weren't magic bulbs. You didn't have to import them from the Philippines. They didn't have to come on a truck from India, you know, by camel. So every time I'm like, okay, click, and I didn't say anything because I didn't live there anymore. But I'm just saying like man, if I lived here I would talk about this light bulb every day and I'm like what would it take just to get light? The man needed light. The closet was full of his clothing at that point, oh my goodness, it's like I get it, but that's me.
Speaker 1:wait, can I just say one other? Oh my goodness, so that's, that's like I get it, but that's me. Can I just say one other thing? Now? I'm throwing shade, but I'm going to say cause.
Speaker 2:It's the funniest thing.
Speaker 1:One of the times I went in there. One of the times.
Speaker 2:I went in there there was a small lamp on the floor. Oh no, oh no, no.
Speaker 1:You know, the worst part about it is like first of all, just ask me I can tell you what light bulbs that go with it. But not just that. I bet you you know how men are. They don't look for nothing. Not just that, I bet you you know how men are. They don't look for nothing. Right, I keep light bulbs of all different sizes, yes In a cabinet, labeled. All you have to do is reach behind. I know I would not be in the house without the proper candles for light bulbs for all the lights. Right, right, it was in the house. Oh my gosh, it was in the house. Oh my gosh, it was in the house. Wow, so anyway, but yeah, I'm that guy. It's like if I was at work I would be like right now I can't go back in the OR right now, get the light bulbs right now. I told you about the paper towels over the sink. You did, you did.
Speaker 2:You did. I got to go to a different sink.
Speaker 1:Why there's paper towels in the building. Oh my gosh Anyway. But yeah, sometimes I do get tired of myself hearing myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Do we have any other fears? Listen, this poor guy, and he says it, he says it. He's like poor me. Poor me, because I'm like could you imagine? I'm all you got.
Speaker 2:It's okay, hallelujah.
Speaker 1:No, he'll just retreat to his sisters.
Speaker 2:You know he'll be like Les.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'll go too. I'll call no, I'll go by myself. I'm like I'll go too.
Speaker 2:I'll call, I'll say no, I'll go by myself. I'm like Les, he's over here, he's in the store.
Speaker 1:He's over there drinking Corona. I wonder why he didn't invite me.
Speaker 2:I just gave him some ginger beer. He's good, he's good. Just leave him alone for a while.
Speaker 1:Leave him alone for a while. He's fine, but we're going to do okay. But you know, we just got to work through those kind of things, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for real, yeah, it's getting real, just some other things.
Speaker 1:You know, it's not really big fears, but you know getting the banking stuff worked out and you know Concerns. Are you concerned about that? I'm excited about that part.
Speaker 2:Not concerned, but it's kind of sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed at the long list the checklist and there's some big things that have to happen before you know the actual move right.
Speaker 1:It's deciding what's going, what's staying and making the arrangements and every time you check off something on the list.
Speaker 2:You start learning about what's next on the list, that you get more detail about the next five things that you have to do.
Speaker 1:That's true, that's true.
Speaker 2:So it's that, but again it is. This is what has to happen to get that big J-O-Y, the big joy. So we're just going to get them done.
Speaker 1:And here's another thing that I was thinking what a privilege it is for us to be able to speak and plan in this way Big deal, and I thank God for having options.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you, father. There are so many people. Yes, thank you, father, there are so many people. It really almost makes me really sad just to think about the people who have no options. They don't have ease of movement. We are planning to move out of a country that we've known I've known all my life, you know, you've known most of your life because so much of the climate right now is intolerable to us and we have the privilege and the freedom to walk away. Not that we're just quitting, because that's another thing that I have difficulty with. It's like this is my fucking country. You know, nobody owns this country more than I do. Nobody has any more right to this place than I do, and I don't want it to seem like I'm giving up. And I don't want it to seem like I'm giving up. I am just freedom and I'm blessed to be able to make. They just want to eat, they just want shelter.
Speaker 2:And here I'm wondering how to move things from one place to maybe my second or third place, or my fourth place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I thank god for having the option of even this considering to do this, so how dare I?
Speaker 2:complain. You know, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it's and I you. I don't see this conversation as complaint. It's like whatever situation you're in, you have to deal with what's in front of you, right and? And to kind of fake it and say, oh, because you have this privilege, then everything is smooth sailing. It's not, you know, and yeah, so anyway yeah, that's it it's about to go down.
Speaker 1:It's about to go down. It's about to go down.
Speaker 2:It's about to go down.
Speaker 1:It's about to go down. We're doing this, we'll keep you guys posted. Boom.
Speaker 2:We'll keep you guys posted and we appreciate you hanging with us, and this has been another episode of Black Boomer.
Speaker 1:Besties from Brooklyn, brooklyn.
