Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn
Ep157 How do you make peace last when life moves on fast?
Ever notice how after the prayers and the crescendo of miracles, the next wave of worry comes to snatch it away? Our family just lived through a medical crisis and a hard-won turn for the better, and we’re honest about the whiplash that followed—insurance calls, care decisions, a home being modified, and the ache of meeting a new reality for a once independent son. Gratitude is real. Grief is real. Both want space. In this episode Besties Angella and Leslie ponder ways to make that space.
Whether you’re navigating recovery, supporting a loved one, or just trying to hold onto good news longer than a weekend, this conversation offers language, practices, and companionship for the middle—where the miracle and the paperwork often meet.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for future conversations, and leave a review with one practice that helps you keep joy alive. Your stories help shape what we explore next.
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Want behind the scenes content, Join us on Patreon at $5 or $10 level: https://patreon.com/user?u=83534204Get Angie’s eBook: We’re Too Old for This! The Inquisitive Older Woman’s Guide to Joy http://joystrategy.co/ebook
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Hey Anch.
SPEAKER_02:Hey Les. What's cooking? It's it's good. Good. Thing. Oh, you're just gonna hold back? It's good. It's just wait a minute. Oh no. Oh, I don't know what I don't know, don't you? Okay. So we're here. Are you gonna invite the people in?
SPEAKER_01:I think so. Welcome to another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_02:I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of almost 50 years. We are two free thinking 60-something-year-old black women who have decided to be more joyful and boldful and bold in our lives. And we invite you to join us. We invite you to see how we're going about it. We invite you to start your joy and bold journey. We invite you to continue. And we're just here to give you some um some tips and tricks on on how you might want to do that. Before we get started on today's episode, um, well, I'll just give you a little teaser. We're gonna be talking about peace and embracing peace and ways that we don't embrace peace and what we might, what we might could do about that. You all know that Leslie's son has been going through going through it. And um after about six weeks in the hospital, we got the news, miraculous news, that he had made a turn for the better, like a huge turn for the better. Um we have been praying earnestly for God's will to be done and that God's will be to keep him with us and to help him to get through this, right? Um and a few episodes ago you heard about the praise report. And so over the Thanksgiving um over the last holiday, I I I'm really challenged with Thanksgiving, but uh anyway, I'm not gonna go there right now. But anyway, over the holiday, um I was thinking about the fact that now Leslie is faced with some with the next series of decisions that have to be made about um his care, right? Um and we FaceTime each other over the holiday. And I saw in her face the the weight of having to make the next set of decisions. And it made me think about how quickly we go from celebrating miracles, celebrating um uh answered prayer, celebrating an accomplishment, a de a new degree, a new home, um, uh a child's um successful basketball game, whatever it is, and how quickly we move from that place of celebration and thanksgiving to another set of worries. Or requests, or requests, or I want to say worry, because you know, it's almost like before it becomes a request, and we can actually talk about that right there, Les. The is it is it just another request, or is it first the burden that becomes the request? Do you know what I mean? And I just thought about the ways that we we don't hold on to our peace, how it could be something that we've prayed for sometimes for years, and then we when we get it, we quickly move on from that thing that we've been desiring for so long and praying for for so long. And whether there are some ways that we can because through this conversation we become more aware of this, whether there's some ways for us to hold on to that piece and give it a longer tail, if you will. It's not, we don't want to be fake or manufactured about this stuff, right? And human nature is what it is. Yeah. But if you think about this thing, like this this big jolt of, oh my God, that was amazing. Yes, thank you, God. And then it having a longer tail than just the day or the week, you know, and and how we can extend that. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. We don't have answers on on how to do this, but we're gonna talk about maybe why it's such a challenge for us to do this as human beings and and you keep using that word human, and and I think that's what that's what I was thinking while you were speaking, that in our humanness we have desires and we have needs.
SPEAKER_01:And when our needs are not met, or we have difficulty meeting those, that's very often when we cry out for help. And the resolution of one need or the conquering of a need, or when you obtain what it is that you've been praying and asking for, it's quite natural, I believe, to look at the next thing on the list. Yeah. You know, but I understand when you say we forget to rejoice about the victory.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Well, May, how do we make that rejoicing last a little longer? I get it. And I get it that it's this big thing because, you know, it's like an on-off. It was it was sad and dark and now it's bright. Right. The brightness is still there, though. It didn't switch off again. It's still there.
SPEAKER_01:You know, it's so it's so interesting that you bring this up in the context of my son. Um, I'll say our son, because his dad and I have been going through this together. Because we had this conversation just two days ago.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And we were he and I was like on the other side on opposite sides of this thing. Whereas for the last six weeks, I've been praying for him to live through this. And naturally, I'll I am willing to accept him and love him and care for him in whatever capacity I want him to live through this.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And when I was faced with making some decisions that um pertain to management of what seems like will be a longer-term disability, it made me sad. You know, and I talked to um my partner, you know, his dad about this, and he looked at the conversation as a joyful one, as an oh, you know, he has a good chance, he has good insurance coverage, and there's a good facility for him, and he has the resources that are available. But here I am thinking that our son might need our continued care going forward. Whereas before this, he was a an independent young man. You know, but but but remember, I prayed for his life. I didn't pray for his, you know, I didn't pray for everything. Exactly, exactly. You know, and it's not up to me or us to decide what in what form prayers are answered. Right.
unknown:Do that.
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes to the point where we don't realize our prayers were answered. And then, you know, Rick and I had this discussion, and he had to remind me that, Les, your prayers are answered. Wow. I look, he says, I looked at this as a as a good call, and I'm tearful, and all of this.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Because you know how I am. I am this sequential, I c I see the big picture and I I look further out, and all I thought about was how our child our sons and our personal relationship will change, you know, as a result of what's going on.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Instead of, or or perhaps at the same time, but to a lesser extent, of just being thankful and sitting in the joy of him surviving what could have been, you know, uh um a fatal illness.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. Um a few days ago, I was speaking to someone about my first ex-husband. And in our early 30s, we did, you know, put our money together and saved, and we built a 4,000 square foot home. A first home. It was built from the ground up. Um huge accomplishment. Um we were very um very uh regimented about how much we saved and put the money away and so on. And when we moved in, I was maybe I think I was maybe seven or eight months pregnant with our first child. And I remember we moved in. Um prior to that we're in a a a small apartment and how it felt when probably the next day, no more than the next week.
SPEAKER_04:All he could think about was the next house we were gonna get in Florida. Like he he couldn't he could not rest in what we had accomplished.
SPEAKER_02:Um, it was just in my way of seeing it was a checkbox to the next thing, and I just wondered how could it be that you can't sit in this amazing accomplishment for five minutes before thinking about your next thing, and some people read that as a lack of ambition. He did, he read it as me having a lack of ambition, if you can believe that. Yeah, that's how he saw it. When I saw him as do you not know how to just enjoy what is right in front of you? He did not know how. And so I when when I noticed what was happening with you, I had talked to, I think I was talking to um one of my sons about this thing um with his father, and my mind immediately linked the the two. And it's not I want to make it clear that um two things. One is that it's not, well, people are wired like you do this, and people are wired, it's not that at all. The other thing I want to say is we have to be deliberate about allowing things to go down deep before it's it's it's what the Bible says. This is not a perfect analogy, but it reminds me of um the parable of the sower, right? And how you can sprinkle the seeds on on rocky soil, they won't work their way down, but when you sprinkle the seeds on fertile soil, it it goes down. So that came to mind because how are we allowing this stuff to really settle into us before it gets snatched on the surface by the birds because we we just it just gets snatched by the next thing before we allowed. And I I talked, I was like, you got you get a compliment, and it's so easy to turn around and say, oh, it's explain it away. Right, instead of letting it go down to your toes, you you and so it's just again bringing some awareness around this so that we all could be better at letting the the the the peace, the beauty, the joy, the the good things have more life within us.
SPEAKER_01:Um I and I love that you put it like that. I really like that you put it like that. I am more like your ex-husband in many ways in that regard. Yeah in that and very much unlike him in all the all the other ways that meant.
SPEAKER_02:Leslie calls him that man.
SPEAKER_01:He who shall remain nameless, but um, you know, it's it's like something that we talked about quite a while ago. You know, I have this bucket list, yeah, you know, and Ricardo on the other hand, he's like, bucket list? What are you talking about? A bucket list? Of course I don't have a bucket list. And I'm like, what kind of weirdo is that who doesn't have a list of things that needs to be done or accomplished, you know, before you're gone. And that was just such a foreign concept to him. So for me, you know, not speaking about um our son's illness in this regard, but if if we want to acquire a home and we work so hard to get this home, then it's like all right, but life is finite. So then there's the next thing that's on the list. It's almost like next, and then we go to this. But I do understand the need to, it's it's part of it is gratitude, part of it is is is being thankful, but you know, I also have a hard time just sitting in general, just sitting. Yeah, you know, yeah. And and it's certainly something that I aspire to, you know, to be a little bit more calm and quiet. Um the book uh The Rest uh Rust Ministry.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the rest is resistance and rest. Rest is resistance. The Nat Ministry. Her name is The book is over there, I can't see it.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, you know, it's I'm gonna get it my certain folks like me, I guess some people would call it a type A or whatever, we have difficulty turning it off and resting. You know, I I you know I've always said, you know, I'm tired, so what? You know, so what, you know? But um there's so many benefits to resting and not just physically resting, but mentally resting what you're saying. And then on the other hand, just kind of looking around and being so appreciative. I mean, obviously I've been very thankful about um our son's progress and and what's happening with him. But I believe again in as a human being and as a mom, there's so much more I want for him. And there's so much um sadness about what's happening. You know, that it's a little bit hard to be grateful for the thing that I spent the last six weeks praying for. You know? It's a little bit hard to jump into that gratitude, although I do know what to do.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, you know, I'm trying not to get, you know, too sad about this. But um, you know, we were there with him today, and as probably everybody knows, because I may have mentioned it a few times, that we're renovating our home. And um I was just telling him that it's really good that we're designing the shower in the way that we are, in the likelihood that he will not be able to use a typical shower, you know, if he remains, you know, disabled in the way that he is. So we're grateful that um we're inadvertently accommodating the house. You know, not only for old people.
SPEAKER_00:I said, you know, babe, we may not be able to step into a shower long either.
SPEAKER_01:You know, but um, but it will serve in that purpose if we need it to, so that's something to be grateful for, you know.
SPEAKER_04:Right, right.
SPEAKER_02:I I I wonder I wonder if, you know, we've talked about the idea of our future selves, right? And w what the way that we talked about it before, one of the ways is to um imagine ourselves in the future and what is it about, what decisions that are showing up in the future that you could be grateful for, right? So for example, um, let's say I want I see myself in the future as being really strong and and um buff and people saying, Oh my god, you're how old are you? You can lift that or whatever. I like being strong. I like that feeling of being strong. So that's a part of how I see my future self. And so I'm thanking my future self is thanking my me now for making the decision to go and work out every day, right? So that you get that result. And so it's coming up now in my thinking about what as perhaps a way to give the gratitude, the peace, the praise, um, a longer tail is if we could think about the future, and a future that is always thinking about the next thing versus the um so in the future, if you're feeling and living with your son in this place of gratitude versus in the place of, oh, I wish he could do this, that, and that, or I wish, right? That maybe that future vision could be something that helps you now. And I say you because we're talking about him, but help me too, because this ain't nothing that I have even come close to mastering. I'm just pondering. I'm just wondering. I'm just wishing that we had a way in our humanness to let um the good things last as long as we make the the negative, painful things last.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that got a long ass tail. Especially we so earnestly and honestly for that, beseech God for that. I mean, there are people, I mean, uh on on their knees, on our knees. I mean, there are you know, prayer warriors all over this country, all over this world, you know, praying for them. And um yeah. Yeah. It's it's a thing. It's a thing, it's a thing. And whereas his dad was so quickly able to jump into that comfort and gratitude, yeah, and he f felt a piece about it to the point where I was a little Where's that coming from? And and we were on speakerphone with the people from the house of the middle.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm like, he did not hear what gosh, last he said, well and then what I wanted to say is well, I'm in the middle of the middle and and and the fact that we both heard it at the same time in the same way, but took it in completely different directions. He looked at me and like, well, what are you so upset?
SPEAKER_02:And I'm like, why is it something to say can happen? Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I was a little upset. I'm like, well, does he care? I can decide to say no. You know, but we just Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Listen, we we didn't we did not promise any resolution. This is a consider. Consider how we might move the needle a little bit on this and um is it even what does that say? What does that say about how we experience our faith? How do we how we experience um our relationship with God in this place of not being aligned with the joy, not being aligned with the peace? What is that what is that saying? I mean, we can talk about our humanness, and of course, yes. Yeah, um and then, right, in a kind of more evolved way, what are we really saying in that? You know, what are we saying? Okay, God, but that's not enough? Or, you know, um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I don't I don't I don't have the answer, but it's it's definitely I mean it almost reeks of ingratitude in a way. Right, you know and as he knows my heart, he he knows that that's not that's not how I've internalized it. I I think Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Let's just see. Listen, this is some things are incremental. Bit by bit by bit. It's not hey, I have an arm and I can change that.
SPEAKER_01:This is just the last box opened as I'm about to breathe that last twilight from my alpha head cuts. Even we come from this, you come from this as a funny. I'm coming from the light over something like trip over something and the blood checks to us.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that anyway. Alright, guys, we got some food for thought. Thank you for being with us.
SPEAKER_00:And leave some let us know what you're thinking about this. This is so this is deep.
SPEAKER_01:It's deep and it's real. Yeah. Thanks, pal. Thanks for for bringing it up. Thanks for listening. All right. This has been another episode of Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn Brooklyn.
